This is Dr. Candice Hargons. She’s a professor of psychology, and has served on the Kentucky Psychological Association Board, the Society of Counseling Psychology Executive Board, and the American Psychological Association (APA)’s Council of Representatives. She also served on the APA Board of Directors, after receiving the APA’s Presidential Citation award for her research and leadership.

She leads the Study of Mental And Sexual Health Equity in Relationships (SMASHER Lab), with a predominant focus on promoting good sex, sexual wellness, and liberation among couples and communities.

In her own words:

❝Sex is one of the most common and normal human behaviors, and yet it remains relatively taboo as a topic. Many people worry about being judged, either for being perceived as too sexual or not sexual enough, and a major focus of my work is to normalize talking and learning about sex to improve sexual functioning across the adult lifespan.❞

~ Dr. Candice Hargons

So, let’s do that!

What does good sex do for health?

We’ve written previously about the health aspects of orgasms specifically:

“Early To Bed…” (Mythbusting Orgasms) ← including resources pertaining to anorgasmia, the inability to orgasm

…but orgasms are not the be-all-and-end-all of sex; see for example:

A Urologist Explains Edging: What, Why, & Is It Safe? ← when the journey is genuinely more of a focus than the destination

And certainly, good sex is simply a very good way to relax and de-stress, which is important, given how important stress management is to general health in very many ways (affecting things ranging from inflammation to heart health and more).

Plus, while the level of athleticism deployed may vary, sex is a physical activity, and physical activity is, as a rule, good.

There’s more to it than that though! It also can help us bind closely to our loved ones, in a positive way, which—critically—has a very positive impact on healthy longevity:

Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much! ← this is about the seriousness of the relationship, not the sex, but for most people, a strong and fulfilling relationship will include having good sex.

The scientific relationship between sex and longevity also got a whole chapter in this excellent book that we reviewed all so recently:

Age Proof: The New Science of Living a Longer and Healthier Life – by Dr. Rose Anne Kenny

What makes it “good”?

Dr. Hargons considers (and her opinion is backed by extensive research in the SMASHER Lab, if you’ll pardon the mental image that that might conjure) that first and foremost… It has to feel good to all parties involved.

In contrast, oftentimes, one partner’s pleasure is prioritized over another’s, and that becomes a problem.*

*assuming that’s not part of an established kink dynamic with enthusiastic affirmative consent, such as if the partner whose pleasure is being deprioritized is enthusiastically requesting to be denied orgasms, for example. Yes, that’s a real kink and even a popular one, but it’s not what’s happening in most sexually uneven relationships.

This kind of unplanned disparity often goes undiscussed by the couple in question—especially in heterosexual couples if the man is getting what he wants/needs and the woman isn’t, because there’s a rather lop-sided societal expectation in that regard. And even a loving, well-intentioned man can simply not know how to do better and be afraid to ask. And for that matter, it’s also entirely possible for his partner to not know either.

Dr. Hargons lists the four main keys as:

• Communication
• Intimacy
• Passion
• Pleasure

And communication indeed comes first, so to speak. For example, she advises:

❝Begin by identifying what you like and don’t like sexually. An easy way to do this is to create a “Yes, No, Maybe So” list. You can use paper or a Notes app on your phone.

Create three columns: one for Yes, No, and Maybe So sections. In the Yes section, write all the things you enjoy and want to keep doing sexually, as well as things you have not tried yet that you want to try. In the No section, write all the things you don’t enjoy and do not want to do anymore. It can also include things you haven’t tried that you’re uninterested in trying. Finally, in your Maybe So list, write all the things you’re curious about and/or are only willing to try in specific settings or circumstances.

You can share this list with your partner, but even if you are not ready to do that, you will already have enhanced your sexual self-awareness and be better positioned to talk with your sexual partner about what you want.❞

This represents an important shift from “whatever” to taking an active role in your sex life at your own pace.

And from there, it’s just a matter of exploring, together, and learning as you go. Could anything be more exciting than that?

“What if I’m single?”

We talked about this a little previously, more relationally than sexually specifically, though:

Singledom & Healthy Longevity

Now, a single person can of course still have an active sex life if you so choose, in which case, the above advice still applies, just, it’ll be conversations with your partner-of-the-moment rather than with a life partner. And that’s important too! Just because something is casual, doesn’t mean it need not be entered into mindfully and with a sense of what you want out of it, and communicating that effectively (while encouraging the same from others, and of course actually listening to, and caring about, what they say too).

And if you are, perchance, single and decided on a life of celibacy now, you can and (if you are sexual at all) should still figure out what you like and don’t like sexually, because even if it’s going to be you-on-you action, it will be good for you to love yourself enough to do it right.

Seriously, treat yourself at least as well as you would any other lover.

On which note, corded wand-style vibrators like the famous “Magic Wand” kind are much more powerful than the battery kind, and you will feel the difference, in a good way.

And if you really want to invest in your sexual wellness and you like the idea, saddle-style vibrators like this one will rock your socks off in ways handheld vibrators couldn’t dream of.

Want to know more?

You might want to check out Dr. Hargons’ book:

Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation – by Dr. Candice Hargons ← this covers so many important areas, more than we have room to here. Just check out the table of contents, and you’ll see what we mean.

…which we haven’t reviewed yet, but here are some excellent related books that we have:

• Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections – by Dr. Emily Nagoski
• Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire – by Dr. Lori Brotto

Enjoy!

The Neuroscientist In The Gym

This is Dr. Wendy Suzuki. She’s a neuroscientist, and an expert in the neurobiology of memory, as well as neuroplasticity, and the role of exercise in neuroprotection.

We’ve sneakily semi-featured her before when we shared her Big Think talk:

Brain Benefits In Three Months… Through Walking?

Today we’re going to expand on that a little!

A Quick Recap

To share the absolute key points of that already fairly streamlined rundown:

• Exercise boosts levels of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin (and, which wasn’t mentioned there, noradrenaline)
  • These are responsible for motivation, happiness, and focus (amongst other things)
• Persistent exercise boosts certain regions of the brain in particular, most notably the pre-frontal cortex and the hippocampi*
  • These are responsible for planning and memory (amongst other things)

Dr. Suzuki advocates for stepping up your exercise routine if you can, with more exercise generally being better than less (unless you have some special medical reason why that’s not the case for you).

*often referred to in the singular as the hippocampus, but you have one on each side of your brain (unless a serious accident/incident destroyed one, but you’ll know if that applies to you, unless you lost both, in which case you will not remember about it).

What kind(s) of workout?

While a varied workout is best for overall health, for these brain benefits specifically, what’s most important is that it raises your heart rate.

This is why in her Big Think talk we shared before, she talks about the benefits of taking a brisk walk daily. See also:

Walking, Better

If that’s not your thing, though (and/or is for whatever reason an inaccessible form of exercise for you), there is almost certainly some kind of High Intensity Interval Training that is a possibility for you. That might sound intimidating, but if you have a bit of floor and can exercise for one minute at a time, then HIIT is an option for you:

How To Do HIIT (Without Wrecking Your Body)

Dr. Suzuki herself is an ardent fan of “intenSati” which blends cardio workouts with yoga for holistic mind-and-body fitness. In fact, she loves it so much that she became a certified exercise instructor:

Wendy Suzuki | IntenSati

How much is enough?

It’s natural to want to know the minimum we can do to get results, but Dr. Suzuki would like us to bear in mind that when it comes to our time spent exercising, it’s not so much an expense of time as an investment in time:

❝Exercise is something that when you spend time on it, it will buy you time when you start to work❞

~ Dr. Wendy Suzuki

Read more: A Neuroscientist Experimented on Her Students and Found a Powerful Way to Improve Brain Function

Ok, but we really want to know how much!

Dr. Suzuki recommends at least three to four 30-minute exercise sessions per week.

Note: this adds up to less than the recommended 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week, but high-intensity exercise counts for twice the minutes for these purposes, e.g. 1 minute of high-intensity exercise is worth 2 minutes of moderate exercise.

How soon will we see benefits?

Benefits start immediately, but stack up cumulatively with continued long-term exercise:

❝My lab showed that a single workout can improve your ability to shift and focus attention, and that focus improvement will last for at least two hours. ❞

~ Dr. Wendy Suzuki

…which is a great start, but what’s more exciting is…

❝The more you’re working out, the bigger and stronger your hippocampus and prefrontal cortex gets. Why is that important?

Because the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus are the two areas that are most susceptible to neurodegenerative diseases and normal cognitive decline in aging. ❞

~ Dr. Wendy Suzuki

In other words, while improving your heart rate through regular exercise will help prevent neurodegeneration by the usual mechanism of reducing neuroinflammation… It’ll also build the parts of your brain most susceptible to decline, meaning that when/if decline sets in, it’ll take a lot longer to get to a critical level of degradation, because it had more to start with.

Read more:

Inspir Modern Senior Living | Dr. Wendy Suzuki Boosts Brain Health with Exercise

Want more from Dr. Suzuki?

You might enjoy her TED talk:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically

Prefer text? TED.com has a transcript for you

Prefer lots of text? You might like her book, which we haven’t reviewed yet but will soon:

Healthy Brain, Happy Life: A Personal Program to Activate Your Brain and Do Everything Better – by Dr. Wendy Suzuki

Enjoy!