Better Sex = Longer Life (Here’s How)
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This is Dr. Candice Hargons. She’s a professor of psychology, and has served on the Kentucky Psychological Association Board, the Society of Counseling Psychology Executive Board, and the American Psychological Association (APA)’s Council of Representatives. She also served on the APA Board of Directors, after receiving the APA’s Presidential Citation award for her research and leadership.
She leads the Study of Mental And Sexual Health Equity in Relationshipsย (SMASHERย Lab), with a predominant focus on promotingย good sex, sexual wellness, and liberation among couples and communities.
In her own words:
โSex is one of the most common and normal human behaviors, and yet it remains relatively taboo as a topic. Many people worry about being judged, either for being perceived as too sexual or not sexual enough, and a major focus of my work is to normalize talking and learning about sex to improve sexual functioning across the adult lifespan.โ
~ Dr. Candice Hargons
So, let’s do that!
What does good sex do for health?
We’ve written previously about the health aspects of orgasms specifically:
โEarly To Bedโฆโ (Mythbusting Orgasms) โ including resources pertaining to anorgasmia, the inability to orgasm
…but orgasms are not the be-all-and-end-all of sex; see for example:
A Urologist Explains Edging: What, Why, & Is It Safe? โ when the journey is genuinely more of a focus than the destination
And certainly, good sex is simply a very good way to relax and de-stress, which is important, given how important stress management is to general health in very many ways (affecting things ranging from inflammation to heart health and more).
Plus, while the level of athleticism deployed may vary, sex is a physical activity, and physical activity is, as a rule, good.
There’s more to it than that though! It also can help us bind closely to our loved ones, in a positive way, whichโcriticallyโhas a very positive impact on healthy longevity:
Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much! โ this is about the seriousness of the relationship, not the sex, but for most people, a strong and fulfilling relationship will include having good sex.
The scientific relationship between sex and longevity also got a whole chapter in this excellent book that we reviewed all so recently:
Age Proof: The New Science of Living a Longer and Healthier Life โ by Dr. Rose Anne Kenny
What makes it “good”?
Dr. Hargons considers (and her opinion is backed by extensive research in the SMASHERย Lab, if you’ll pardon the mental image that that might conjure) that first and foremost… It has to feel good to all parties involved.
In contrast, oftentimes, one partner’s pleasure is prioritized over another’s, and that becomes a problem.*
*assuming that’s not part of an established kink dynamic with enthusiastic affirmative consent, such as if the partner whose pleasure is being deprioritized is enthusiastically requesting to be denied orgasms, for example. Yes, that’s a real kink and even a popular one, but it’s not what’s happening in most sexually uneven relationships.
This kind of unplanned disparity often goes undiscussed by the couple in questionโespecially in heterosexual couples if the man is getting what he wants/needs and the woman isn’t, because there’s a rather lop-sided societal expectation in that regard. And even a loving, well-intentioned man can simply not know how to do better and be afraid to ask. And for that matter, it’s also entirely possible for his partner to not know either.
Dr. Hargons lists the four main keys as:
- Communication
- Intimacy
- Passion
- Pleasure
And communication indeed comes first, so to speak. For example, she advises:
โBegin by identifying what you like and don’t like sexually. An easy way to do this is to create a “Yes, No, Maybe So” list. You can use paper or a Notes app on your phone.
Create three columns: one for Yes, No, and Maybe So sections. In the Yes section, write all the things you enjoy and want to keep doing sexually, as well as things you have not tried yet that you want to try. In the No section, write all the things you don’t enjoy and do not want to do anymore. It can also include things you haven’t tried that you’re uninterested in trying. Finally, in your Maybe So list, write all the things you’re curious about and/or are only willing to try in specific settings or circumstances.
You can share this list with your partner, but even if you are not ready to do that, you will already have enhanced your sexual self-awareness and be better positioned to talk with your sexual partner about what you want.โ
This represents an important shift from “whatever” to taking an active role in your sex life at your own pace.
And from there, it’s just a matter of exploring, together, and learning as you go. Could anything be more exciting than that?
“What if I’m single?”
We talked about this a little previously, more relationally than sexually specifically, though:
Now, a single person can of course still have an active sex life if you so choose, in which case, the above advice still applies, just, it’ll be conversations with your partner-of-the-moment rather than with a life partner. And that’s important too! Just because something is casual, doesn’t mean it need not be entered into mindfully and with a sense of what you want out of it, and communicating that effectively (while encouraging the same from others, and of course actually listening to, and caring about, what they say too).
And if you are, perchance, single and decided on a life of celibacy now, you can and (if you are sexual at all) should still figure out what you like and don’t like sexually, because even if it’s going to be you-on-you action, it will be good for you to love yourself enough to do it right.
Seriously, treat yourself at least as well as you would any other lover.
On which note, corded wand-style vibrators like the famous “Magic Wand” kind are much more powerful than the battery kind, and you will feel the difference, in a good way.
And if you really want to invest in your sexual wellness and you like the idea, saddle-style vibrators like this one will rock your socks off in ways handheld vibrators couldn’t dream of.
Want to know more?
You might want to check out Dr. Hargons’ book:
Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation โ by Dr. Candice Hargons โ this covers so many important areas, more than we have room to here. Just check out the table of contents, and you’ll see what we mean.
…which we haven’t reviewed yet, but here are some excellent related books that we have:
- Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections โ by Dr. Emily Nagoski
- Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire โ by Dr. Lori Brotto
Enjoy!
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Hearty Healthy Ragรน
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Ragรน is a traditional Italian meaty sauce with tomato, and is the base for a number of other Italian dishes. It can be enjoyed as-is, or with very minor modifications can be turned into a Bolognese sauce or a lasagna filling or various other things. Our variations from tradition are mainly twofold here: we’re using nutrition-packed lentils instead of meat (but with a couple of twists that make them meatier), and we’re not using wine.
Traditionally, red wine is used in a ragรน (white wine if you want to make it into a Bolognese sauce, by the way), but with all we’re doing it’s not necessary. If you want to add a splash of wine, we’re not going to call that a healthy ingredient, but we’re also not the boss of you
You will need
- 1 large onion (or equivalent small ones), chopped roughly
- 1 bulb garlic (or to your heart’s content), chopped finely or crushed
- 4 large tomatoes, chopped (or 2 cans chopped tomatoes)
- 1 tube (usually about 7 oz) tomato purรฉe
- 1 cup brown lentils (green lentils will do if you can’t get brown)
- 1 tbsp chia seeds
- 1 tbsp black pepper, cracked or coarse ground
- 1 bunch fresh basil, finely chopped (or 1 tbsp, freeze-dried)
- 1 bunch fresh oregano, finely chopped (or 1 tbsp, freeze-dried)
- 1 tbsp nutritional yeast (failing that, 1 tbsp yeast extract, yes, even if you don’t like it, we promise it won’t taste like it once it’s done; it just makes the dish meatier in taste and also adds vitamin B12)
- 1 tsp cumin, ground (note that this one was tsp, not tbsp like the others)
- 1 tsp MSG, or 2 tsp low-sodium salt
- 4 cups water
- Olive oil for frying (ideally Extra Virgin, but so long as it’s at least marked virgin olive oil and not cut with other oils, that’s fine)
- Parsley, chopped, to garnish
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Put the lentils in a small saucepan, or if you have one, a rice cooker (the rice cooker is better; works better and requires less attention), adding the chia seeds, MSG or low sodium salt, and nutritional yeast (or yeast extract). as well as the cumin. Add 4 cups boiling water and turn on the heat to cook them. This will probably take about 15โ20 minutes; you want the lentils to be soft; a tiny bit past al dente, but not so far as mushy.
2) Fry the onion in some olive oil in a big pan (everything is going in here eventually if the pan is big enough; if it isn’t, you’ll need to transfer to a bigger pan in a bit). Once they’re nearly done, throw in the garlic too. If the lentils aren’t done yet, take the onions and garlic off the heat while you wait. After a few times of doing this recipe, you’ll be doing everything like clockwork and it’ll all align perfectly.
3) Drain the lentils (if all the water wasn’t absorbed; again, after doing it a few times, you’ll just use the right amount of water for your apparatus) but don’t rinse them (remember you put seasonings in here!), and add them to the pan with the onions and garlic; add a splash more olive oil if necessary, and stir until all the would-be-excess fat is absorbed into the lentils.
Note: the excess fat to be absorbed by the lentils was a feature not a bug; we wanted a little fat in the lentils! Makes the dish meatier and tastier, as well as more nutrient-dense.
4) add the tomatoes and tomato purรฉe, stirring them in thoroughly; add the basil and oregano too and stir those in as well. Set it on a low heat for at least 10โ15 minutes, stirring occasionally to let the flavors blend.
(if you happen to be serving pasta with it, then the time it takes to boil water and cook the pasta is a good time for the flavors to do their thing)
5) take it off the heat, and add the parsley garnish. It’s done!
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- What Is The Mediterranean Diet, Anyway?
- Four Ways To Upgrade The Mediterranean
- Eat More (Of This) For Lower Blood Pressure โ one more reason for the brown lentils today
- Chia: The Tiniest Seeds With The Most Value
- Black Pepperโs Impressive Anti-Cancer Arsenal
- The Many Health Benefits of Garlic
- Olive Oil: Is โExtra Virginโ Worth It?
Take care!
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Yoga Teacher: โIf I wanted to get flexible in 2025, here’s what I’d doโ
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Progress in flexibility isn’t about doing more but doing it smarter:
Step by step
First, we need a good foundation. Create three routines focusing on different areas of the body, namely:
- Hips & hamstrings
- Shoulders & spine
- Wrists, ankles, & neck
Alternate these on a daily basis (e.g. Mon = 1, Tue = 2, Wed = 3, Thu = 1, Fri = 2, Sat = 3, Sun = 1, Mon = 2, Tue = 3, and so on), doing just 10 minutes per day and focusing on consistency.
Next, we will want to identify problem areas (likely they will identify themselves, i.e. a particular stretch will be harder than others). Use “focus sessions” twice a week (20โ30 minutes) to address these spots. While you’re at it, incorporate techniques like active stretches, weighted stretches, and resistance bands to improve strength and range of motion.
Because commitment is important, schedule flexibility sessions like important meetings and set calendar alerts. Focus on consistency rather than perfection.
To help keep you going, remember that flexibility improvements are less obvious than other fitness goals. Take photos every couple of weeks (e.g. forward fold, low lunge, shoulder stretch). Visual proof of progress can motivate you to keep going.
For more on all of this, plus suggested specific stretches for those routines, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesnโt Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Getting Flexible, Starting As An Adult: How Long Does It Really Take?
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Broccoli vs Collard Greens โ Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing broccoli to collard greens, we picked the broccoli.
Why?
Both are great and it was close!
In terms of macros, there’s really nothing between them, so this first round’s a tie.
In the category of vitamins, broccoli has more of vitamins B1, B2, B6, and C, while collards have more vitamin A, and they’re approximately equal in other vitamins they both contain, so that’s a 4:1 win to broccoli here.
Looking at minerals next, broccoli has more phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc, while collards have more calcium, copper, iron, and manganese, for a 4:4 tie in this round.
In other considerations, broccoli contains sulforaphane (that’s good) while collards are slightly higher in polyphenols, though broccoli’s very good for those too. So this round’s a tie, most reasonably.
Adding up the sections makes for a modest yet clear overall win for broccoli (largely on the strength of the vitamins), but by all means enjoy either or both, as diversity is best!
Want to learn more?
You might like:
Broccoli Sprouts & Sulforaphane
Enjoy!
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Should I exercise if Iโm still sore from lastย time?
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If youโre feeling sore from a run or gym session, you might wonder whether itโs better to push through or give your body a rest.
This achy or stiff feeling in your muscles after exercise is known as โdelayed onset muscle sorenessโ (DOMS). Soreness usually sets in within the first 12โ24 hours after your exercise session, and often peaks 24โ72 hours after.
In most instances, DOMS will disappear completely in three to five days. But what should you do in the meantime? Is it OK to exercise if youโre still sore? Hereโs what the evidence says.
Alora Griffiths/Unsplash Why do muscles get sore after a workout?
When you exercise, tiny tears (also called โmicrotearsโ) occur in your muscles. Then, as your body floods the area with fluids and nutrients to repair them, it causes inflammation. This is part of the normal recovery process, and helps stimulate increases in muscle strength and size.
But inflammation also stimulates pain receptors, which makes you feel sore in the days after your workout.
How sore you feel will depend on the exercise you do. DOMS is more likely when you havenโt exercised for a while, you do a new type of exercise, or it puts a large load on your muscles (for example, weight training or running).
Basically, itโs your musclesโ response to doing something more demanding or challenging than usual.
The more often you do the same type of exercise, the less likely you are to feel sore.
Should you be sore after every workout?
Muscle soreness is completely normal, especially if you are new to exercise. But itโs not necessarily a good indicator of progress.
All it really tells us is that our body is adapting to a new form of exercise or a sudden increase in load.
It doesnโt tell us whether or not that exercise was effective at building muscle and improving fitness โ especially if youโve been exercising consistently and gradually increasing your load or frequency.
For example, someone who runs regularly is unlikely to feel sore after a single running session, but it will still improve their fitness.
Similarly, if you lift weights regularly, using heavier weights than usual will at most give you only mild DOMS. Yet each training session will still be helping you improve strength and build muscle.
So, should I exercise if I am still sore?
It depends if youโre concerned about injury or performance.
Exercising while recovering from DOMS wonโt hurt you. But some evidence suggests your strength and performance may decline when youโre sore. This means you probably wonโt be able to lift as much or run as fast while you have DOMS.
Some research has also shown that muscle damage can negatively affect balance. This might increase your risk of falling or even getting an injury such as a sprained ankle.
Another study found soreness can also reduce your skill performance (in this case basketball shooting accuracy). So you might notice an impact if youโre exercising with certain performance goals in mind.
What about rest days?
Taking days off for recovery in between exercise sessions doesnโt seem to make much difference for long-term progress building strength or fitness.
Research has compared training on consecutive days โ for example, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday โ with non-consecutive days โ Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
And it doesnโt seem to make a difference.
For example, one study had two groups perform the same full-body weight training routine for seven weeks, either on three consecutive or three non-consecutive days. Both groups saw similar improvements in building muscle strength and size.
Similarly, another study compared two groups of cyclists doing the same high-intensity interval training program routine on three consecutive or three non-consecutive days. After three weeks both groups showed the same overall improvements in aerobic fitness and time trial performance.
These were relatively short-term studies. So itโs also possible that over the course of a training year, taking a rest day here and there will help maintain motivation and avoid injury.
Bottom line
While youโll probably feel slower or stiffer, exercising with sore muscles wonโt hurt you and is unlikely to hinder your training progress.
However, you might want to avoid exercises that rely on balance โ such as intense jumping and landing movements โ as your risk of injury could be slightly greater.
If you are really sore, there is some evidence massage or even an ice bath might help you recover, although the effect is small.
And while muscle soreness is normal, itโs still important to listen to your body. Never push through intense discomfort or pain, as this could be the sign of an injury.
You should talk to a doctor if:
- your muscles feel extremely sore and it lasts for more than seven days
- you have visible muscle bruising where the muscle is sore
- you have sharp pain.
Hunter Bennett, Lecturer in Exercise Science, University of South Australia
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Drug-Free Knee Pain Therapies: Which Ones Work?
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Knee osteoarthritis is one of the most common causes of chronic pain (with lower back problems being another hot contender for the title), and anti-inflammatory drugs are most people’s go-to, and is often what doctors will suggest first too.
For those who want “non-drug drugs”, i.e. natural remedies that do a similar job, there are options, for example: Five Supplements That Actually Work vs Arthritis
However, there are other options, and we’ve discussed some of them previously, for example: Avoiding/Managing Osteoarthritis
Today we’ll be looking at some of those treatments and more, ranked against each other. Of course, most of them aren’t “either/or” options; you can usually do multiple things if you want, but it’s worth knowing which ones are more worth investing time and energy into.
No need for drugs?
A recent meta-analysis of 139 clinical trials with 9,644 patients compared 12 different non-drug therapies, namely:
- low level laser therapy (LLLT)
- high intensity laser therapy (HILT)
- transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS)
- interferential current (IFC)
- short wave diathermy
- ultrasound
- lateral wedged insole
- knee brace
- exercise
- hydrotherapy
- kinesio taping (KT)
- extracorporeal shock wave therapy (ESWT)
…and ranked them according to following methods, and subcategories thereof:
Western Ontario and McMaster Universities Osteoarthritis Index (WOMAC):
- pain
- stiffness
- function
- total
Visual Analog Scale (VAS):
- rest
- activity
Because different therapies were better or worse in different categories, it’s difficult to produce a pure-and-simple 1-to-12 ranking without being misleading, but the top 3 are quite clear:
- Braces ranked highest overall for reducing pain, improving function, and easing stiffness
- Hydrotherapy was especially effective for pain relief
- Exercise consistently improved pain and mobility
All three consistently outperformed drugs, making them excellent choices, especially since they avoid gastrointestinal and cardiovascular risks (which are common problems with popular arthritis drugs) while being low-cost and accessible.
On the other end of the scale, it’s worth noting that ultrasound consistently performed worst, followed by short-wave diathermy. So maybe skip those.
You can read the paper in full, here: Clinical efficacy of different therapeutic options for knee osteoarthritis: A network meta-analysis based on randomized clinical trials
Before you get shopping for knee braces…
Of those top 3 that we mentioned, there are some further observations we can make.
About hydrotherapy, that can mean a lot of different things (hot water therapy, cold water therapy, exercising in a swimming pool, etc). You can read about that here: How Useful Is Hydrotherapy?
It’s likely that the latter one (exercising in a pool) works well since it is in some ways a combination of exercise and bracing the kneeโsince the water provides support, while the exercise can still take the knee through a range of motion, which is important.
See for example: The Most Underrated Mobility Exercise (Not Stretching) โ this is written with hips in mind, but it’s about making sure to get a full range of motion, and it applies just the same for knees
Now, about knee braces and exercise…
A likely reason that braces perform better than exercise overall is that it is zero-effort, which likely makes adherence higher, especially if using “intention to treat” scores, as many studies in the meta-analysis did.
What that means: instead of carefully checking how good adherence was (i.e. how much people consistently followed through with treatments, did things correctly, etc), the qualifying factor can simply be that the treatment decision was made, that this patient has been referred for such-and-such, has been given access to that treatment, and has agreed to embark on it.
Which, when applied to this situation, means: a patient who has been given knee braces is more likely to wear them, than a patient who has been given daily exercises to do is likely to do them. Consequently, the patient the patient with the knee braces enjoys greater relief, even if the exercises might have actually worked better, had they been undertaken more seriously.
What exercises, you wonder? Here’s a good example: Knee Pain Wonโt Get Better Unless You Fix This First
Want a knee brace in any case? We don’t sell them, but here for your convenience is an example product on Amazon ๐
Want to learn more?
For a much deeper understanding of treating knee pain, here’s a great book that we reviewed a little while back:
Treat Your Own Knee โ by Robin McKenzie โ heโs a physiotherapist and not a doctor, but with 40 years of practice to his name and 33 letters after his name (CNZM OBE FCSP (Hon) FNZSP (Hon) Dip MDT Dip MT), he seems to know his stuff. His work is very well-respected, and almost any English-speaking physiotherapist will have read his books.
Take care!
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How to Get Relief From Degenerative Disk Disease
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Dr. Alyssa Kuhn shows us how:
Giving your spine the support it needs
While exercises can’t do much about the actual degeneration of the disks in question, what they can do is support your spine such that much less pressure is placed on them during everyday life, because the muscles of your back are lifting them up.
Naturally, it is important to do the exercises carefully, because you don’t want to do the opposite of take pressure off the spine, and do yourself an injury while unduly pressuring it during exercise.
So, here’s how to balance those needs and get where you need to be:
- Pelvic tilt with alternating leg lifts: lie on your back, tilt your hips backwards to press your lower back into the floor, bend your knees, lift one leg, then the other while keeping your lower back flat and preventing it from arching.
- Modified side plank: lie on your side with your knees bent, prop yourself up on your elbow with your shoulder directly above your elbow, lift your hips from your knees, squeeze your glutes, and hold the position.
- Stair calf stretch: place the balls of your feet on the edge of a step with your heels hanging off, stack your feet if comfortable, lower your heels to stretch your calves, and hold the position.
- Standing high knee march: stand tall with your shoulders rolled back, lift one knee as high as you can without leaning forwards, lower it, then alternate sides while keeping your chest upright.
- Resistance band row: secure a resistance band to a sturdy anchor, hold both ends, stand tall with your shoulder blades back and elbows close to your sides, pull the band towards your torso while squeezing your shoulder blades together, pause briefly, then slowly return your arms to the starting position.
For more on all of this plus visual demonstrations, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesnโt Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like:
For a much deeper understanding of treating back pain, hereโs a great book that we reviewed a little while back:
Treat Your Own Back โ by Robin McKenzie โ heโs a physiotherapist and not a doctor, and/but with 40 years of practice to his name and 33 letters after his name (CNZM OBE FCSP (Hon) FNZSP (Hon) Dip MDT Dip MT), he seems to know his stuff. His work is very well-respected, and almost any English-speaking physiotherapist will have read his books.
Take care!
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