The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – by Dr. John Gottman

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A lot of relationship advice can seem a little wishy-washy. Hardline clinical work, on the other hand, can seem removed from the complex reality of married life. Dr. Gottman, meanwhile, strikes a perfect balance.

He looks at huge datasets, and he listens to very many couples. He famously isolated four relational factors that predict divorce with 91% accuracy, his “Four Horsemen”:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling

He also, as the title of this book promises (and we get a chapter-by-chapter deep-dive on each of them) looks at “Seven principles for making marriage work”. They’re not one-word items, so including them here would take up the rest of our space, and this is a book review not a book summary. However…

Dr. Gottman’s seven principles are, much like his more famous “four horsemen”, deeply rooted in science, while also firmly grounded in the reality of individual couples. Essentially, by listening to very many couples talk about their relationships, and seeing how things panned out with each of them in the long-term, he was able to see what things kept on coming up each time in the couples that worked out. What did they do differently?

And, that’s the real meat of the book. Science yes, but lots of real-world case studies and examples, from couples that worked and couples that didn’t.

In so doing, he provides a roadmap for couples who are serious about making their marriage the best it can be.

Bottom line: this is a must-have book for couples in general, no matter how good or bad the relationship.

  • For some it’ll be a matter of realising “You know what; this isn’t going to work”
  • For others, it’ll be a matter of “Ah, relief, this is how we can resolve that!”
  • For still yet others, it’ll be a matter of “We’re doing these things right; let’s keep them forefront in our minds and never get complacent!”
  • And for everyone who is in a relationship or thinking of getting into one, it’s a top-tier manual.

Click here to check out the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and secure what’s most important to you!

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  • Carbonated Water: For Weight Loss, Satiety, Or Just Gas?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    There are two main mechanisms of action by which sparkling water is considered to help satiety and/or weight loss; they are:

    1. It “fills us up” such that we feel fuller sooner, and thus eat less, and thus (all other things being equal) perhaps lose weight
    2. The carbon dioxide is absorbed into the bloodstream, where (as a matter of chemistry) it improves glucose metabolism, thus lowering blood sugars and indirectly leading (potentially) to weight loss, but even if not, lowered blood sugars are good for most people most of the time, right?

    However, there are just a few problems:

    Full of gas?

    Many people self-report enjoying sparkling water as a way to feel fuller while fasting (or even while eating). However, the plural of “anecdote” is not “data”, so, here be data… Ish:

    ❝In order to determine whether such satiating effects occur through oral carbonic stimulation alone, we conducted modified sham-feeding (SF) tests (carbonated water ingestion (CW), water ingestion (W), carbonated water sham-feeding (CW-SF), and water sham-feeding (W-SF)), employing an equivalent volume and standardized temperature of carbonated and plain water, in a randomized crossover design.

    Thirteen young women began fasting at 10 p.m. on the previous night and were loaded with each sample (15ºC, 250 mL) at 9 a.m. on separate days. Electrogastrography (EGG) recordings were obtained from 20 min before to 45 min after the loading to determine the power and frequency of the gastric myoelectrical activity. Appetite was assessed using visual analog scales. After ingestion, significantly increased fullness and decreased hunger ratings were observed in the CW group. After the load, transiently but significantly increased fullness as well as decreased hunger ratings were observed in the CW-SF group. The powers of normogastria (2-4 cpm) and tachygastria (4-9 cpm) showed significant increases in the CW and W groups, but not in the CW-SF and W-SF groups. The peak frequency of normogastria tended to shift toward a higher band in the CW group, whereas it shifted toward a lower band in the CW-SF group, indicating a different EGG rhythm.

    Our results suggest that CO2-induced oral stimulation is solely responsible for the feeling of satiety.❞

    ~ Dr. Maki Suzuki et al.

    Now, that’s self-reported, and a sample size of 13, so it’s not the most airtight science ever, but it is at least science. Here’s the paper, by the way:

    Oral Carbonation Attenuates Feeling of Hunger and Gastric Myoelectrical Activity in Young Women

    Here’s another small study with 8 people, which found that still and sparkling water had the exact same effect:

    Effect of carbonated water on gastric emptying and intragastric meal distribution

    However, drinking water (still or sparkling) with a meal will not have anywhere near the same effect for satiety as consuming food that has a high water-content.

    See also: Some Surprising Truths About Hunger And Satiety ← our main feature in which we examine the science of volumetrics, including a study that shows how water incorporated into a food (but not served with a food) decreases caloric intake.

    As an aside, one difference that carbonation can make is to increase ghrelin levels—that’s the hunger hormone (the satiety hormone is leptin, by the way). This one’s a rat study, but it seems reasonable that the same will be true of humans:

    Carbon dioxide in carbonated beverages induces ghrelin release and increased food consumption in male rats: implications on the onset of obesity

    …which is worth bearing in mind even if you yourself are not, in fact, a male rat.

    The glucose guzzler?

    This one has simply been the case of a study being misrepresented, for example here:

    Fizzy water might aid weight loss by providing a small boost to glucose uptake and metabolism

    The idea is that higher levels of carbon dioxide in the blood mean faster glucose metabolism, which is technically true. Now, often “technically true” is the best kind of true, but not here, because it’s simply not useful.

    In short, we produce so much carbon dioxide as part of our normal respiratory processes, that any carbon dioxide we might consume in a carbonated water is barely a blip in the graph.

    Oh, and that article we just linked? Even within the article, despite running with that headline, the actual scientists quoted are saying such things as:

    ❝While there is a hypothetical link between carbonated water and glucose metabolism, this has yet to be tested in well-designed human intervention studies❞

    ~ Professor Sumantra Ray

    Note: the word “hypothetical” means “one level lower than theoretical”. This is very far from being a conclusion.

    And the study itself? Wasn’t even about carbonated water, it was about kidney dialysis and how the carbon dioxide content can result in hypoglycemia:

    The mechanism of hypoglycemia caused by hemodialysis

    …which got referenced in this paper (not a study):

    Can carbonated water support weight loss?

    …and even that concluded:

    ❝CO2 in carbonated water may promote weight loss by enhancing glucose uptake and metabolism in red blood cells.

    However, the amount is so small that it is difficult to expect weight loss effects solely from the CO2 in carbonated water.

    Drinking carbonated water may also affect blood glucose measurements.❞

    Note: the word “may”, when used by a scientist and in the absence of any stronger claims, means “we haven’t ruled out the possibility”.

    What breaking news that is.

    Stop the press! No, really, stop it!

    So… What does work?

    There are various ways of going about actually hacking hunger (and they stack; i.e. you can use multiple methods and get cumulative results), and we wrote about them here:

    Hack Your Hunger

    Enjoy!

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  • MSG vs. Salt: Sodium Comparison

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Q: Is MSG healthier than salt in terms of sodium content or is it the same or worse?

    Great question, and for that matter, MSG itself is a great topic for another day. But your actual question, we can readily answer here and now:

    • Firstly, by “salt” we’re assuming from context that you mean sodium chloride.
    • Both salt and MSG do contain sodium. However…
    • MSG contains only about a third of the sodium that salt does, gram-for-gram.
    • It’s still wise to be mindful of it, though. Same with sodium in other ingredients!
    • Baking soda contains about twice as much sodium, gram for gram, as MSG.

    Wondering why this happens?

    Salt (sodium chloride, NaCl) is equal parts sodium and chlorine, by atom count, but sodium’s atomic mass is lower than chlorine’s, so 100g of salt contains only 39.34g of sodium.

    Baking soda (sodium bicarbonate, NaHCO₃) is one part sodium for one part hydrogen, one part carbon, and three parts oxygen. Taking each of their diverse atomic masses into account, we see that 100g of baking soda contains 27.4g sodium.

    MSG (monosodium glutamate, C₅H₈NO₄Na) is only one part sodium for 5 parts carbon, 8 parts hydrogen, 1 part nitrogen, and 4 parts oxygen… And all those other atoms put together weigh a lot (comparatively), so 100g of MSG contains only 12.28g sodium.

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  • Stretching & Mobility – by James Atkinson

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    “I will stretch for just 10 minutes per day”, we think, and do our best. Then there are a plethora of videos saying “Stretching mistakes that you are making!” and it turns out we haven’t been doing them in a way that actually helps.

    This book fixes that. Unlike some books of the genre, it’s not full of jargon and you won’t need an anatomy and physiology degree to understand it. It is, however, dense in terms of the information it gives—it’s not padded out at all; it contains a lot of value.

    The stretches are all well-explained and well-illustrated; the cover art will give you an idea of the anatomical illustration style contained with in.

    Atkinson also gives workout plans, so that we know we’re not over- or under-training or trying to do too much or missing important things out.

    Bottom line: if you’re looking to start a New Year routine to develop better suppleness, this book is a great primer for that.

    Click here to check out Stretching and Mobility, and improve yours!

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Related Posts

  • The Humor Habit – by Paul Osincup
  • Black Forest Chia Pudding

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This pudding tastes so decadent, it’s hard to believe it’s so healthy, but it is! Not only is it delicious, it’s also packed with nutrients including protein, carbohydrates, healthy fats (including omega-3s), fiber, vitamins, minerals, and assorted antioxidant polyphenols. Perfect dessert or breakfast!

    You will need

    • 1½ cups pitted fresh or thawed-from-frozen cherries
    • ½ cup mashed banana
    • 3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
    • 2 tbsp chia seeds, ground
    • Optional: 2 pitted dates, soaked in hot water for 10 minutes and then drained (include these if you prefer a sweeter pudding)
    • Garnish: a few almonds, and/or berries, and/or cherries and/or cacao nibs

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Blend the ingredients except for the chia seeds and the garnish, with ½ cup of water, until completely smooth

    2) Divide into two small bowls or glass jars

    3) Add 1 tbsp ground chia seeds to each, and stir until evenly distributed

    4) Add the garnish and refrigerate overnight or at least for some hours. There’s plenty of wiggle-room here, so make it at your convenience and serve at your leisure.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Ageless Athletes – by Dr. Jim Madden

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This is an approach to strength and fitness training specifically for the 50+ crowd, and/but even more specifically for the 50+ crowd who do not wish to settle for mediocrity. In short, it’s for those who not only wish to stay healthy and have good mobility, but also who wish to be and remain athletic.

    It does not assume extant athleticism, but nor does it assume complete inexperience. It provides a fairly ground-upwards entry to a training program that then quickly proceeds to competitive levels of athleticism.

    The author himself details his own journey from being in his 30s, overweight and unfit, to being in his 50s and very athletic, with before and after photos. Granted, those are 20 years in between, but all the same, it’s a good sign when someone gets stronger and fitter with age, rather than declining.

    The style of the book is quite casual, and/but after the introductory background and pep talk, is quite pragmatic and drops the additional fluff. In particular, older readers may enjoy the “Old Workhorse” protocol, as a tailored measured progression system.

    In terms of expected equipment by the way, some is bodyweight and some is with weights; kettlebells in particular feature strongly, since this is about functional strength and not bodybuilding.

    In the category of criticism, he does refer to his other books and generally assumes the reader is reading all his work, so it may not be for everyone as a standalone book.

    Bottom line: if you’re 50+ and are wondering how to gain/maintain a high level athleticism, this book can definitely help with that.

    Click here to check out Ageless Athlete, and go from strength to strength!

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  • Real Self-Care – by Pooja Lakshmin MD

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    As the subtitle says, “crystals, cleanses, and bubble baths not included”. So, if it’s not about that sort of self-care, what is it about?

    Dr. Lakshmin starts by acknowledging something that many self-help books don’t:

    We can do everything correctly and still lose. Not only that, but for many of us, that is the probable outcome. Not because of any fault or weakness of ours, but simply because one way or another the game is rigged against us from the start.

    So, should we throw in the towel, throw our hands in the air, and throw the book out of the window?

    Nope! Dr. Lakshmin has actually helpful advice, that pertains to:

    • creating healthy boundaries and challenging guilt
    • treating oneself with compassion
    • identifying and aligning oneself with one’s personal values
    • asserting one’s personal power to fight for one’s own self-interest

    If you’re reading this and thinking “that seems very selfish”, then let’s remember the “challenging guilt” part of that. We’ve all-too-often been conditioned to neglect our own needs and self-sacrifice for others.

    And, while selfless service really does have its place, needlessly self-destructive martyrdom does not!

    Bottom line: this book delivers a lot of “real talk” on a subject that otherwise often gets removed from reality rather. In short, it’s a great primer for finding the right place to draw the line between being a good-hearted person and being a doormat.

    Click here to check out Real Self-Care and “put your own oxygen mask on first”!

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