The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – by Dr. John Gottman

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A lot of relationship advice can seem a little wishy-washy. Hardline clinical work, on the other hand, can seem removed from the complex reality of married life. Dr. Gottman, meanwhile, strikes a perfect balance.

He looks at huge datasets, and he listens to very many couples. He famously isolated four relational factors that predict divorce with 91% accuracy, his “Four Horsemen”:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling

He also, as the title of this book promises (and we get a chapter-by-chapter deep-dive on each of them) looks at “Seven principles for making marriage work”. They’re not one-word items, so including them here would take up the rest of our space, and this is a book review not a book summary. However…

Dr. Gottman’s seven principles are, much like his more famous “four horsemen”, deeply rooted in science, while also firmly grounded in the reality of individual couples. Essentially, by listening to very many couples talk about their relationships, and seeing how things panned out with each of them in the long-term, he was able to see what things kept on coming up each time in the couples that worked out. What did they do differently?

And, that’s the real meat of the book. Science yes, but lots of real-world case studies and examples, from couples that worked and couples that didn’t.

In so doing, he provides a roadmap for couples who are serious about making their marriage the best it can be.

Bottom line: this is a must-have book for couples in general, no matter how good or bad the relationship.

  • For some it’ll be a matter of realising “You know what; this isn’t going to work”
  • For others, it’ll be a matter of “Ah, relief, this is how we can resolve that!”
  • For still yet others, it’ll be a matter of “We’re doing these things right; let’s keep them forefront in our minds and never get complacent!”
  • And for everyone who is in a relationship or thinking of getting into one, it’s a top-tier manual.

Click here to check out the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and secure what’s most important to you!

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Recommended

  • Grain Brain – by Dr. David Perlmutter
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    Short bursts of evening exercise extend sleep by 30 minutes, challenging guidelines advising against pre-bedtime workouts.

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  • Cucumber vs Lychee – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing cucumber to lychee, we picked the lychee.

    Why?

    In terms of macros, the lychee has more carbs and more fiber, but both are low glycemic index foods. Functionally a tie, though we could consider it a nominal win for cucumber.

    In the category of vitamins, cucumber has more of vitamins A, B1, B5, and K, while lychee has more of vitamins B2, B3, B6, B9, C, E, and choline. In particular, cucumber has a lot more vitamin K and lychee has a lot more vitamin C. Nevertheless, in terms of overall vitamin coverage, lychee is the clear winner here.

    Looking at minerals, cucumber has more calcium, magnesium, manganese, and zinc, while lychee has more copper (especially rich in this), iron, phosphorus, potassium, and selenium. Another clear win for lychee.

    Both have an abundance of anti-inflammatory polyphenols, but we could find no strong argument for one being better than the other in this category, just different.

    In short, both are fine options, but the more nutritionally dense is the lychee, so that’s our choice!

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Cucumber Extract Beats Glucosamine & Chondroitin… At 1/135th Of The Dose?!

    Take care!

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  • Four Thousand Weeks – by Oliver Burkeman

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    This is not, strictly speaking, a time management book. It’s more a “contemplating mortality and making things count while still doing the necessaries”.

    Burkeman’s premise is that we get around 4,000 weeks of life, on average. If we live to 120, it’s more like 6,200. Unlucky souls may have to do the best they can with 1,000 or so.

    The book is thought-provoking; consider:

    1. how was your last week?
    2. how will your next week be?
    3. what if it were your last?

    Of course, we cannot necessarily liquidate all our assets and spend next week burning out in style, because then the following week comes. So, what’s the solution?

    That’s something Burkeman lays out over the course of the book, with key ideas including passion projects and figuring out what can be safely neglected, but there’s far more there than we could sum up here.

    Bottom line: if you ever find yourself struggling to balance what is expected of you with what is of value to you, this book can help you get the most out of your choices.

    Click here to check out Four Thousand Weeks, and make yours count!

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  • Fermenting Everything – by Andy Hamilton

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This is not justanother pickling book! This is, instead, what it says on the front cover, “fermenting everything”.

    Ok, maybe not literally everything, but every kind of thing that can reasonably be fermented, and it’s probably a lot more things than you might think.

    From habanero chutney to lacto-lemonade, aioli to kombucha, Ukrainian fermented tomatoes to kvass. We could go on, but we’d soon run out of space. You get the idea. If it’s a fermented product (food, drink, condiment) and you’ve heard of it, there’s probably a recipe in here.

    All in all, this is a great way to get in your gut-healthy daily dose of fermented products!

    He does also talk safety, and troubleshooting too. And so long as you have a collection of big jars and a fairly normally-furnished kitchen, you shouldn’t need any more special equipment than that, unless you decide to you your fermentation skills for making beer (which does need some extra equipment, and he offers advice on that—our advice as a health science publication is “don’t drink beer”, though).

    Bottom line: with this in hand, you can create a lot of amazing foods/drinks/condiments that are not only delicious, but also great for gut health.

    Click here to check out Fermenting Everything, and widen your culinary horizons!

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Related Posts

  • Grain Brain – by Dr. David Perlmutter
  • Four Ways To Upgrade The Mediterranean Diet

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Four Ways To Upgrade The Mediterranean Diet

    The Mediterranean Diet is considered by many to be the current “gold standard” of healthy eating, and with good reason. With 10,000+ studies underpinning it and counting, it has a pretty hefty weight of evidence.

    (For contrast, the Ketogenic Diet for example has under 5,000 studies at time of writing, and many of those include mentioning the problems with it. That’s not to say the Keto is without its merits! It certainly can help achieve some short term goals, but that’s a topic for another day)

    Wondering what the Mediterranean Diet consists of? We outlined it in a previous main feature, so here it is for your convenience 😎

    To get us started today, we’ll quickly drop some links to a few of those Mediterranean Diet studies from the top:

    The short version is: it glows, in a good way.

    The anti-inflammatory upgrade

    One thing about the traditional Mediterranean Diet is… where are the spices?!

    A diet focusing on fruits and non-starchy vegetables, healthy oils and minimal refined carbs, can be boosted by adding uses of spices such as chili, turmeric, cumin, fenugreek, and coriander:

    Why and How the Indo-Mediterranean Diet May Be Superior to Other Diets: The Role of Antioxidants in the Diet

    The gut-healthy upgrade:

    The Mediterranean Diet already gives for having a small amount of dairy, mostly in the form of cheeses, but this can be tweaked:

    Mediterranean diet with extra dairy could be a gut gamechanger

    The heart-healthy upgrade

    The Mediterranean Diet is already highly recommended for heart health, and it offers different benefits to different parts of cardiovascular health:

    The Mediterranean Diet: its definition and evaluation of a priori dietary indexes in primary cardiovascular prevention

    The DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) diet can boost it further, specifically in the category of, as the name suggests, lowering blood pressure.

    It’s basically the Mediterranean Diet with a few tweaks. Most notably, red meat no longer features (the Mediterranean Diet allows for a small amount of red meat), and fish has gone up in the list:

    Description of the DASH Eating Plan

    The brain-healthy upgrade:

    The MIND (Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay) diet combines several elements from the above, as the name suggests. It also adds extra portions of specific brain-foods, that already exist in the above diets, but get a more substantial weighting in this one:

    MIND and Mediterranean diets linked to fewer signs of Alzheimer’s brain pathology

    See also: The cognitive effects of the MIND diet

    Enjoy!

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  • It’s Not A Bloody Trend – by Kat Brown

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    This one’s not a clinical book, and the author is not a clinician. However, it’s not just a personal account, either. Kat Brown is an award-winning journalist (with ADHD) and has approached this journalistically.

    Not just in terms of investigative journalism, either. Rather, also with her knowledge and understanding of the industry, doing for us some meta-journalism and explaining why the press have gone for many misleading headlines.

    Which in this case means for example it’s not newsworthy to say that people have gone undiagnosed and untreated for years and that many continue to go unseen; we know this also about such things as endometriosis, adenomyosis, and PCOS. But some more reactionary headlines will always get attention, e.g. “look at these malingering attention-seekers”.

    She also digs into the common comorbidities of various conditions, the differences it makes to friendships, families, relationships, work, self-esteem, parenting, and more.

    This isn’t a “how to” book, but there’s a lot of value here if a) you have ADHD, and/or b) you spend any amount of time with someone who does.

    Bottom line: if you’d like to understand “what all the fuss is about” in one book, this is the one for ADHD.

    Click here to check out It’s Not A Bloody Trend, and discover a whole world of things that might have passed you by!

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  • Elon Musk says ‘disc replacement’ worked for him. But evidence this surgery helps chronic pain is lacking

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    Last week in a post on X, owner of the platform Elon Musk recommended people look into disc replacement if they’re experiencing severe neck or back pain.

    According to a biography of the billionaire, he’s had chronic back and neck pain since he tried to “judo throw” a 350-pound sumo wrestler in 2013 at a Japanese-themed party for his 42nd birthday, and blew out a disc at the base of his neck.

    In comments following the post, Musk said the surgery was a “gamechanger” and reduced his pain significantly.

    Musk’s original post has so far had more than 50 million views and generated controversy. So what is disc replacement surgery and what does the evidence tells us about its benefits and harms?

    What’s involved in a disc replacement?

    Disc replacement is a type of surgery in which one or more spinal discs (a cushion between the spine bones, also known as vertebrae) are removed and replaced with an artificial disc to retain movement between the vertebrae. Artificial discs are made of metal or a combination of metal and plastic.

    Disc replacement may be performed for a number of reasons, including slipped discs in the neck, as appears to be the case for Musk.

    Disc replacement is major surgery. It requires general anaesthesia and the operation usually takes 2–4 hours. Most people stay in hospital for 2–7 days. After surgery patients can walk but need to avoid things like strenuous exercise and driving for 3–6 weeks. People may be required to wear a neck collar (following neck surgery) or a back brace (following back surgery) for about 6 weeks.

    Costs vary depending on whether you have surgery in the public or private health system, if you have private health insurance, and your level of coverage if you do. In Australia, even if you have health insurance, a disc replacement surgery may leave you more than A$12,000 out of pocket.

    Disc replacement surgery is not performed as much as other spinal surgeries (for example, spinal fusion) but its use is increasing.

    In New South Wales for example, rates of privately-funded disc replacement increased six-fold from 6.2 per million people in 2010–11 to 38.4 per million in 2019–20.

    What are the benefits and harms?

    People considering surgery will typically weigh that option against not having surgery. But there has been very little research comparing disc replacement surgery with non-surgical treatments.

    Clinical trials are the best way to determine if a treatment is effective. You first want to show that a new treatment is better than doing nothing before you start comparisons with other treatments. For surgical procedures, the next step might be to compare the procedure to non-surgical alternatives.

    Unfortunately, these crucial first research steps have largely been skipped for disc replacement surgery for both neck and back pain. As a result, there’s a great deal of uncertainty about the treatment.

    There are no clinical trials we know of investigating whether disc replacement is effective for neck pain compared to nothing or compared to non-surgical treatments.

    For low back pain, the only clinical trial that has been conducted to our knowledge comparing disc replacement to a non-surgical alternative found disc replacement surgery was slightly more effective than an intensive rehabilitation program after two years and eight years.

    A medical practitioner examines a patient's lower back.
    Many people experience chronic pain. Yan Krukau/Pexels

    Complications are not uncommon, and can include disclocation of the artificial disc, fracture (break) of the artificial disc, and infection.

    In the clinical trial mentioned above, 26 of the 77 surgical patients had a complication within two years of follow up, including one person who underwent revision surgery that damaged an artery leading to a leg needing to be amputated. Revision surgery means a re-do to the primary surgery if something needs fixing.

    Are there effective alternatives?

    The first thing to consider is whether you need surgery. Seeking a second opinion may help you feel more informed about your options.

    Many surgeons see disc replacement as an alternative to spinal fusion, and this choice is often presented to patients. Indeed, the research evidence used to support disc replacement mainly comes from studies that compare disc replacement to spinal fusion. These studies show people with neck pain may recover and return to work faster after disc replacement compared to spinal fusion and that people with back pain may get slightly better pain relief with disc replacement than with spinal fusion.

    However, spinal fusion is similarly not well supported by evidence comparing it to non-surgical alternatives and, like disc replacement, it’s also expensive and associated with considerable risks of harm.

    Fortunately for patients, there are new, non-surgical treatments for neck and back pain that evidence is showing are effective – and are far cheaper than surgery. These include treatments that address both physical and psychological factors that contribute to a person’s pain, such as cognitive functional therapy.

    While Musk reported a good immediate outcome with disc replacement surgery, given the evidence – or lack thereof – we advise caution when considering this surgery. And if you’re presented with the choice between disc replacement and spinal fusion, you might want to consider a third alternative: not having surgery at all.

    Giovanni E Ferreira, NHMRC Emerging Leader Research Fellow, Institute of Musculoskeletal Health, University of Sydney; Christine Lin, Professor, Institute for Musculoskeletal Health, University of Sydney; Christopher Maher, Professor, Sydney School of Public Health, University of Sydney; Ian Harris, Professor of Orthopaedic Surgery, UNSW Sydney, and Joshua Zadro, NHMRC Emerging Leader Research Fellow, University of Sydney

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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