If Your Adult Kid Calls In Crisis…
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Parent(s) To The Rescue?
We’ve written before about the very common (yes, really, it is common) phenomenon of estrangement between parents and adult children:
Family Estrangement & How To Fix It
We’ve also written about the juggling act that can be…
Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life
…which includes dealing with such situations as supporting each other through difficult times, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.
But what about when one’s [adult] child is in crisis?
When a parent’s job never ends
Hopefully, we have not been estranged (or worse, bereaved) by our children.
In which case, when crisis hits, we are likely to be amongst the first to whom our children will reach out for support. Naturally, we will want to help. But how can we do that, and where (if applicable) to draw the line?
No “helicopter parenting”
If you’ve not heard the term “helicopter parenting”, it refers to the sort of parents who hover around, waiting to swoop in at a moment’s notice.
This is most often applied to parents of kids of university age and downwards, but it’s worth keeping it in mind at any age.
After all, we do want our kids to be able to solve their own problems if possible!
So, if you’ve ever advised your kid to “take a deep breath and count to 10” (or even if you haven’t), then, consider doing that too, and then…
Listen first!
If your first reaction isn’t to join them in panic, it might be to groan and “oh not again”. But for now, quietly shelve that, and listen to whatever it is.
See also: Active Listening (Without Sounding Like A Furby)
And certainly, do your best to maintain your own calm while listening. Your kid is in all likelihood looking to you to be the rock in the storm, so let’s be that.
Empower them, if you can
Maybe they just needed to vent. If so, the above will probably cover it.
More likely, they need help.
Perhaps they need guidance, from your greater life experience. Sometimes things that can seem like overwhelming challenges to one person, are a thing we dealt with 20 or more years ago (it probably felt overwhelming to us at the time, too, but here we are, the other side of it).
Tip: ask “are you looking for my guidance/advice/etc?” before offering it. Doing so will make it much more likely to be accepted rather than rejected as unsolicited advice.
Chances are, they will take the life-ring offered.
It could be that that’s not what they had in mind, and they’re looking for material support. If so…
When it’s about money or similar
Tip: it’s worth thinking about this sort of thing in advance (now is great, if you have adult kids), and ask yourself nowwhat you’d be prepared to give in that regard, e.g:
- if they need money, how much (if any) are you willing and able to provide?
- if they want/need to come stay with you, how prepared are you for that (including: if they want/need to actually move back in with you for a while, which is increasingly common these days)?
Having these answers in your head ready will make the conversation a lot less difficult in the moment, and will avoid you giving a knee-jerk response you might regret (in either direction).
Have a counteroffer up your sleeve if necessary
Maybe:
- you can’t solve their life problem for them, but you can help them find a therapist (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their money problem for them, but you can help them find a free debt advice service (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their residence problem for them, but you can help them find a service that can help with that (if applicable, for example)
You don’t need to brainstorm now for every option; you’re a parent, not Batman. But it’s a lot easier to think through such hypothetical thought-experiments now, than it will be with your fraught kid on the phone later.
Magic words to remember: “Let’s find a way through this for you”
Don’t forget to look after yourself
Many of us, as parents, will tend to not think twice before sacrificing something for our kid(s). That’s generally laudable, but we must avoid accidentally becoming “the giving tree” who has nothing left for ourself, and that includes our mental energy and our personal peace.
That doesn’t mean that when our kid comes in crisis we say “Shh, stop disturbing my personal peace”, but it does mean that we remember to keep at least some boundaries (also figure out now what they are, too!), and to take care of ourselves too.
The following article was written with a slightly different scenario in mind, but the advice remains just as valid here:
How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)
Take care!
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Taurine: An Anti-Aging Powerhouse? Exploring Its Unexpected Benefits
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Dr. Mark Rosenberg explains:
Not a stimulant, but…
- Its presence in energy drinks often causes people to assume it’s a stimulant, but it’s not. In fact, it’s a GABA-agonist, thus having a calming effect.
- The real reason it’s in energy drinks is because it helps increase mitochondrial ATP production (ATP = adenosine triphosphate = how cells store energy that’s ready to use; mitochondria take glucose and make ATP)
- Taurine is also anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and anticancer.
- In the category of aging, human studies are slow to give results for obvious reasons, but mouse studies show that supplementing taurine in middle-aged mice increased their lifespan by 10–12%, as well as improving various physiological markers of aging.
- Taking a closer look at aging—literally; looking at cellular aging—taurine reduces cellular senescence and protects telomeres, thus decreasing DNA mutations.
For more on the science of these, plus Dr. Rosenberg’s personal experience, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
- Taurine’s Benefits For Heart Health And More
- Dr. Greger’s Anti-Aging Eight
- Age & Aging: What Can (And Can’t) We Do About It?
Take care!
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Dodging Dengue In The US
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Dengue On The Rise
We wrote recently about dengue outbreaks in the Americas, with Puerto Rico declaring an epidemic. Cases are now being reported in Florida too, and are likely to spread, so it’s good to be prepared, if your climate is of the “warm and humid” kind.
If you want to catch up on the news first, here you go:
- UN health agency cites tenfold increase in reported cases of dengue over the last generation
- Puerto Rico has declared an epidemic following a spike in dengue cases
- Dengue fever confirmed in Florida Keys as US on watch for rise in mosquito illness
Note: dengue is far from unheard of in Florida, but the rising average temperatures in each year mean that each year stands a good chance of seeing more cases than the previous. It’s been climbing since at least 2017, took a dip during the time of COVID restrictions keeping people at home more, and then for the more recent years has been climbing again since.
What actually is it?
Dengue is a viral, mosquito-borne disease, characterized by fever, vomiting, muscle pain, and a rash, in about 1 in 4 cases.
Which can sound like “you’ll know if you have it”, but in fact it’s usually asymptomatic for a week or more after infection, so, watch out!
What next, if those symptoms appear?
The good news is: the fever will usually last less than a week
The bad news is: a day or so after that the fever subsided, the more serious symptoms are likely to start—if they’re going to.
If you’re unlucky enough to be one of the 1 in 20 who get the serious symptoms, then you can expect abdominal cramps, repeat vomiting, bleeding from various orifices (you may not get them all, but all are possible), and (hardly surprising, given the previous items) “extreme fatigue and restlessness”.
If you get those symptoms, then definitely get to an ER as soon as possible, as dengue can become life-threatening within hours of such.
Read more: CDC | Symptoms of Dengue and Testing
While there is not a treatment for dengue per se, the Emergency Room will be better able to manage your symptoms and thus keep you alive long enough for them to pass.
If you’d like much more detail (on symptoms, seriousness, at-risk demographics, and prognosis) than what the CDC offers, then…
Read more: BMJ | Dengue Fever
Ok, so how do we dodge the dengue?
It sounds flippant to say “don’t get bitten”, but that’s it. However, there are tips are not getting bitten:
- Use mosquito-repellent, but it has to contain >20% DEET, so check labels
- Use mosquito nets where possible (doors, windows, etc, and the classic bed-tent net is not a bad idea either)
- Wear clothing that covers your skin, especially during the day—it can be light clothing; it doesn’t need to be a HazMat suit! But it does need to reduce the area of attack to reduce the risk of bites.
- Limit standing water around your home—anything that can hold even a small amount of standing water is a potential mosquito-breeding ground. Yes, even if it’s a crack in your driveway or a potted bromeliad.
Further reading
You might also like to check out:
Stickers and wristbands aren’t a reliable way to prevent mosquito bites. Here’s why
…and in case dengue wasn’t bad enough:
Mosquitoes can spread the flesh-eating Buruli ulcer. Here’s how you can protect yourself
Take care!
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Dating apps could have negative effects on body image and mental health, our research shows
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Around 350 million people globally use dating apps, and they amass an estimated annual revenue of more than US$5 billion. In Australia, 49% of adults report using at least one online dating app or website, with a further 27% having done so in the past.
But while dating apps have helped many people find romantic partners, they’re not all good news.
In a recent review, my colleagues and I found using dating apps may be linked to poorer body image, mental health and wellbeing.
Dikushin Dmitry/Shutterstock We collated the evidence
Our study was a systematic review, where we collated the results of 45 studies that looked at dating app use and how this was linked to body image, mental health or wellbeing.
Body image refers to the perceptions or feelings a person has towards their own appearance, often relating to body size, shape and attractiveness.
Most of the studies we included were published in 2020 onwards. The majority were carried out in Western countries (such as the United States, the United Kingdom and Australia). Just under half of studies included participants of all genders. Interestingly, 44% of studies observed men exclusively, while only 7% included just women.
Of the 45 studies, 29 looked at the impact of dating apps on mental health and wellbeing and 22 considered the impact on body image (some looked at both). Some studies examined differences between users and non-users of dating apps, while others looked at whether intensity of dating app use (how often they’re used, how many apps are used, and so on) makes a difference.
More than 85% of studies (19 of 22) looking at body image found significant negative relationships between dating app use and body image. Just under half of studies (14 of 29) observed negative relationships with mental health and wellbeing.
The studies noted links with problems including body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.
Dating apps are becoming increasingly common. But could their use harm mental health? Rachata Teyparsit/Shutterstock It’s important to note our research has a few limitations. For example, almost all studies included in the review were cross-sectional – studies that analyse data at a particular point in time.
This means researchers were unable to discern whether dating apps actually cause body image, mental health and wellbeing concerns over time, or whether there is simply a correlation. They can’t rule out that in some cases the relationship may go the other way, meaning poor mental health or body image increases a person’s likelihood of using dating apps.
Also, the studies included in the review were mostly conducted in Western regions with predominantly white participants, limiting our ability to generalise the findings to all populations.
Why are dating apps linked to poor body image and mental health?
Despite these limitations, there are plausible reasons to expect there may be a link between dating apps and poorer body image, mental health and wellbeing.
Like a lot of social media, dating apps are overwhelmingly image-centric, meaning they have an emphasis on pictures or videos. Dating app users are initially exposed primarily to photos when browsing, with information such as interests or hobbies accessible only after manually clicking through to profiles.
Because of this, users often evaluate profiles based primarily on the photos attached. Even when a user does click through to another person’s profile, whether or not they “like” someone may still often be determined primarily on the basis of physical appearance.
This emphasis on visual content on dating apps can, in turn, cause users to view their appearance as more important than who they are as a person. This process is called self-objectification.
People who experience self-objectification are more likely to scrutinise their appearance, potentially leading to body dissatisfaction, body shame, or other issues pertaining to body image.
Dating apps are overwhelmingly image-centric. Studio Romantic/Shutterstock There could be several reasons why mental health and wellbeing may be impacted by dating apps, many of which may centre around rejection.
Rejection can come in many forms on dating apps. It can be implied, such as having a lack of matches, or it can be explicit, such as discrimination or abuse. Users who encounter rejection frequently on dating apps may be more likely to experience poorer self-esteem, depressive symptoms or anxiety.
And if rejection is perceived to be based on appearance, this could lead again to body image concerns.
What’s more, the convenience and game-like nature of dating apps may lead people who could benefit from taking a break to keep swiping.
What can app developers do? What can you do?
Developers of dating apps should be seeking ways to protect users against these possible harms. This could, for example, include reducing the prominence of photos on user profiles, and increasing the moderation of discrimination and abuse on their platforms.
The Australian government has developed a code of conduct – to be enforced from April 1 this year – to help moderate and reduce discrimination and abuse on online dating platforms. This is a positive step.
Despite the possible negatives, research has also found dating apps can help build confidence and help users meet new people.
If you use dating apps, my colleagues and I recommend choosing profile images you feel display your personality or interests, or photos with friends, rather than semi-clothed images and selfies. Engage in positive conversations with other users, and block and report anyone who is abusive or discriminatory.
It’s also sensible to take breaks from the apps, particularly if you’re feeling overwhelmed or dejected.
If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. The Butterfly Foundation provides support for eating disorders and body image issues, and can be reached on 1800 334 673.
Zac Bowman, PhD Candidate, College of Education, Psychology & Social Work, Flinders University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Macadamia Nuts vs Brazil Nuts – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing macadamia nuts to Brazil nuts, we picked the Brazil nuts.
Why?
They’re a lot more nutrient dense! But watch out…
First, to do due diligence in terms of macros: Brazil nuts have twice as much protein and less fat, as well as being a little higher in fiber and slightly lower in carbs.
In terms of vitamins, Brazil nuts are about 10x higher in vitamin E, while macadamias are somewhat higher in several B-vitamins.
The category of minerals is where it gets interesting. Macadamia nuts are a little higher in iron and considerably higher in Manganese. But… Brazil nuts are a lot higher in calcium, copper, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc.
About that selenium… Specifically, it’s more than 5,000x higher, and a cup of Brazil nuts would give nearly 10,000x the recommended daily amount of selenium. Now, selenium is an essential mineral (needed for thyroid hormone production, for example), and at the RDA it’s good for good health. Your hair will be luscious and shiny. However, go much above that, and selenium toxicity becomes a thing, you may get sick, and it can cause your (luscious and shiny) hair to fall out. For this reason, it’s recommended to eat no more than 3–4 Brazil nuts per day.
In short… Brazil nuts are much more nutrient dense in general, and thus come out on top here. But, they’re so nutrient dense in the case of selenium, that careful moderation is advised.
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts
Take care!
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How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
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How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
A subscriber recently requested:
❝Request: more people need to be aware of suicidal tendencies and what they can do to ward them off❞
…and we said we’d do that one of these Psychology Sundays, so here we are, doing it!
First of all, we’ll mention that we did previously do a main feature on managing depression (in oneself or a loved one); here it is:
The Mental Health First Aid That You’ll Hopefully Never Need
Now, not all depression leads to suicidality, and not all suicide is pre-empted by depression, but there’s a large enough crossover that it seems sensible to put that article here, for anyone who might find it of use, or even just of interest.
Now, onwards, to the specific, and very important, topic of suicide.
This should go without saying, but some of today’s content may be a little heavy.
We invite you to read it anyway if you’re able, because it’s important stuff that we all should know, and not talking about it is part of what allows it to kill people.
So, let’s take a deep breath, and read on…
The risk factors
Top risk factors for suicide include:
- Not talking about it
- Having access to a firearm
- Having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide
- A lack of social support
- Being male
- Being over 40
Now, some of these are interesting sociologically, but aren’t very useful practically; what a convenient world it’d be if we could all simply choose to be under 40, for instance.
Some serve as alarm bells, such as “having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide”.
If someone has a plan, that plan’s never going to disappear entirely, even if it’s set aside!
(this writer is deeply aware of the specifics of how she has wanted to end things before, and has used the advice she gives in this article herself numerous times. So far so good, still alive to write about it!)
Specific advices, therefore, include:
Talk about it / Listen
Depending on whether it’s you or someone else at risk:
- Talk about it, if it’s you
- Listen attentively, if it’s someone else
There are two main objections that you might have at this point, so let’s look at those:
“I have nobody to talk to”—it can certainly feel that way, sometimes, but you may be surprised who would listen if you gave them the chance. If you really can’t trust anyone around you, there are of course suicide hotlines (usually per area, so we’ll not try to list them here; a quick Internet search will get you what you need).
If you’re worried it’ll result in bad legal/social consequences, check their confidentiality policy first:
- Some hotlines can and will call the police, for instance.
- Others deliberately have a set-up whereby they couldn’t even trace the call if they wanted to.
- On the one hand, that means they can’t intervene
- On the other hand, that means they’re a resource for anyone who will only trust a listener who can’t intervene.
“But it is just a cry for help”—then that person deserves help. What some may call “attention-seeking” is, in effect, care-seeking. Listen, without judgement.
Remove access to firearms, if applicable and possible
Ideally, get rid of them (safely and responsibly, please).
If you can’t bring yourself to do that, make them as inconvenient to get at as possible. Stored securely at your local gun club is better than at home, for example.
If your/their plan isn’t firearm-related, but the thing in question can be similarly removed, remove it. You/they do not need that stockpile of pills, for instance.
And of course you/they could get more, but the point is to make it less frictionless. The more necessary stopping points between thinking “I should just kill myself” and being able to actually do it, the better.
Have/give social support
What do the following people have in common?
- A bullied teenager
- A divorced 40-something who just lost a job
- A lonely 70-something with no surviving family, and friends that are hard to visit
Often, at least, the answer is: the absence of a good social support network
So, it’s good to get one, and be part of some sort of community that’s meaningful to us. That could look different to a lot of people, for example:
- A church, or other religious community, if we be religious
- The LGBT+ community, or even just a part of it, if that fits for us
- Any mutual-support oriented, we-have-this-shared-experience community, could be anything from AA to the VA.
Some bonus ideas…
If you can’t live for love, living for spite might suffice. Outlive your enemies; don’t give them the satisfaction.
If you’re going to do it anyway, you might as well take the time to do some “bucket list” items first. After all, what do you have to lose? Feel free to add further bucket list items as they occur to you, of course. Because, why not? Before you know it, you’ve postponed your way into a rich and fulfilling life.
Finally, some gems from Matt Haig’s “The Comfort Book”:
- “The hardest question I have been asked is: “How do I stay alive for other people if I have no one?” The answer is that you stay alive for other versions of you. For the people you will meet, yes, but also the people you will be.”
- “Stay for the person you will become”
- “You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even decade”
- “It is better to let people down than to blow yourself up”
- “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up”
- “You are here. And that is enough.”
You can find Matt Haig’s excellent “The Comfort Book” on Amazon, as well as his more well-known book more specifically on the topic we’ve covered today, “Reasons To Stay Alive“.
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When Doctors Make House Calls, Modern-Style!
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In Tuesday’s newsletter, we asked you foryour opinion of telehealth for primary care consultations*, and got the above-depicted, below-described, set of responses:
- About 46% said “It is no substitute for an in-person meeting with a doctor; let’s keep the human touch”
- About 29% said “It means less waiting and more accessibility, while avoiding transmission of diseases”
- And 25 % said “I find that the pros and cons of telehealth vs in-person balance out, so: no preference”
*We specified that by “primary care” we mean the initial consultation with a non-specialist doctor, before receiving treatment or being referred to a specialist. By “telehealth” we mean by videocall or phonecall.
So, what does the science say?
A quick note first
Because telehealth was barely a thing (statistically speaking) before the first stages of the COVID pandemic, compared to how it is now, most of the science for this is young, and a lot of the science simply hasn’t been done yet, and/or has not been published yet, because the process can take years.
Because of this, some studies we do have aren’t specifically about primary care, and are sometimes about specialists. We think this should not affect the results much, but it bears highlighting.
Nevertheless, we’ll do what we can with the science we have!
Telehealth is more accessible than in-person consultations: True or False?
True, for most people. For example…
❝Data was found from a variety of emergency and non-emergency departments of primary, secondary, and specialised healthcare.
Satisfaction was high among recipients of healthcare, scoring 9-10 on a scale of 0-10 or ranging from 73.3% to 100%.
Convenience was rated high in every specialty examined. Satisfaction of clinicians was high throughout the specialities despite connection failure and concerns about confidentiality of information.❞
whereas…
❝Nonetheless, studies reported perception of increased barriers to accessing care and inequalities for vulnerable patients especially in older people❞
~ Ibid.
Source: Satisfaction with telemedicine use during COVID-19 pandemic in the UK: a systematic review
Now, perception of those things does necessarily equate to an actual increased barrier, but it is reasonable that someone who thinks something is inaccessible will be less inclined to try to access it.
The quality of care provided via telehealth is as good as in-person: True or False?
True, ostensibly, with caveats. The caveats are:
- We’re going offreported patient satisfaction, not objective patient health outcomes (we found little* science as yet for the relative incidence of misdiagnosis, for example—which kind of thing will take time to be revealed).
- We’re also therefore speaking (as statistics do) for the significant majority of people. However, if we happen to be (statistically speaking) an insignificant minority, well, that just sucks for us personally.
*we did find some, but it wasn’t very helpful yet. For example:
An electronic trigger to detect telemedicine-related diagnostic errors
this one does look at the incidence of diagnostic errors, but provides no control group (i.e. otherwise-comparable in-person consultations) for comparison.
While most oft-considered demographic groups reported comparable patient satisfaction (per race, gender, and socioeconomic status, for example), there was one outlier variable, which was age (as we quoted from that first study above).
However!
Looking under the hood of these stats, it seems that age is not the real culprit, so much as technological illiteracy, which is heavily correlated with age:
❝Lower eHealth literacy is associated with more negative attitudes towards I/C technology in healthcare. This trend is consistent across diverse demographics and regions. ❞
Source: Meta-analysis: eHealth literacy and attitudes towards internet/computer technology
There are things that can be done at an in-person consultation that can’t be done by telehealth: True or False?
True, of course. It is incredibly rare that we will cite “common sense”, (as sometimes “common sense” is actually “common mistakes” and is simply and verifiably wrong), but in this case, as one 10almonds subscriber put it:
❝The doctor uses his five senses to assess. This cannot be attained over the phone❞
~ 10almonds subscriber
A quick note first: if your doctor is using their sense of taste to diagnose you, please get a different doctor, because they should definitely not be doing that!
Not in this century, anyway… Once upon a time, diabetes was diagnosed by urine-tasting (and yes, that was a fairly reliable method).
However, nowadays indeed a doctor will use sight, sound, touch, and sometimes even smell.
In a videocall we’re down to two of those senses (sight and sound), and in a phonecall, down to one (sound) and even that is hampered. Your doctor cannot, for example, use a stethoscope over the phone.
With this in mind, it really comes down to what you need from your doctor in that consultation.
- If you’re 99% sure that what you need is to be prescribed an antidepressant, that probably doesn’t need a full physical.
- If you’re 99% sure that what you need is a referral, chances are that’ll be fine by telehealth too.
- If your doctor is 99% sure that what you need is a verbal check-up (e.g. “How’s it been going for you, with the medication that I prescribed for you a month ago?”, then again, a call is probably fine.
If you have a worrying lump, or an unhappy bodily discharge, or an unexplained mysterious pain? These things, more likely an in-person check-up is in order.
Take care!
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