If Your Adult Kid Calls In Crisis…

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Parent(s) To The Rescue?

We’ve written before about the very common (yes, really, it is common) phenomenon of estrangement between parents and adult children:

Family Estrangement & How To Fix It

We’ve also written about the juggling act that can be…

Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life

…which includes dealing with such situations as supporting each other through difficult times, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.

But what about when one’s [adult] child is in crisis?

When a parent’s job never ends

Hopefully, we have not been estranged (or worse, bereaved) by our children.

In which case, when crisis hits, we are likely to be amongst the first to whom our children will reach out for support. Naturally, we will want to help. But how can we do that, and where (if applicable) to draw the line?

No “helicopter parenting”

If you’ve not heard the term “helicopter parenting”, it refers to the sort of parents who hover around, waiting to swoop in at a moment’s notice.

This is most often applied to parents of kids of university age and downwards, but it’s worth keeping it in mind at any age.

After all, we do want our kids to be able to solve their own problems if possible!

So, if you’ve ever advised your kid to “take a deep breath and count to 10” (or even if you haven’t), then, consider doing that too, and then…

Listen first!

If your first reaction isn’t to join them in panic, it might be to groan and “oh not again”. But for now, quietly shelve that, and listen to whatever it is.

See also: Active Listening (Without Sounding Like A Furby)

And certainly, do your best to maintain your own calm while listening. Your kid is in all likelihood looking to you to be the rock in the storm, so let’s be that.

Empower them, if you can

Maybe they just needed to vent. If so, the above will probably cover it.

More likely, they need help.

Perhaps they need guidance, from your greater life experience. Sometimes things that can seem like overwhelming challenges to one person, are a thing we dealt with 20 or more years ago (it probably felt overwhelming to us at the time, too, but here we are, the other side of it).

Tip: ask “are you looking for my guidance/advice/etc?” before offering it. Doing so will make it much more likely to be accepted rather than rejected as unsolicited advice.

Chances are, they will take the life-ring offered.

It could be that that’s not what they had in mind, and they’re looking for material support. If so…

When it’s about money or similar

Tip: it’s worth thinking about this sort of thing in advance (now is great, if you have adult kids), and ask yourself nowwhat you’d be prepared to give in that regard, e.g:

  • if they need money, how much (if any) are you willing and able to provide?
  • if they want/need to come stay with you, how prepared are you for that (including: if they want/need to actually move back in with you for a while, which is increasingly common these days)?

Having these answers in your head ready will make the conversation a lot less difficult in the moment, and will avoid you giving a knee-jerk response you might regret (in either direction).

Have a counteroffer up your sleeve if necessary

Maybe:

  • you can’t solve their life problem for them, but you can help them find a therapist (if applicable, for example)
  • you can’t solve their money problem for them, but you can help them find a free debt advice service (if applicable, for example)
  • you can’t solve their residence problem for them, but you can help them find a service that can help with that (if applicable, for example)

You don’t need to brainstorm now for every option; you’re a parent, not Batman. But it’s a lot easier to think through such hypothetical thought-experiments now, than it will be with your fraught kid on the phone later.

Magic words to remember: “Let’s find a way through this for you”

Don’t forget to look after yourself

Many of us, as parents, will tend to not think twice before sacrificing something for our kid(s). That’s generally laudable, but we must avoid accidentally becoming “the giving tree” who has nothing left for ourself, and that includes our mental energy and our personal peace.

That doesn’t mean that when your kid comes in crisis we say “Shh, stop disturbing my personal peace”, but it does mean that we remember to keep at least some boundaries (also figure out now what they are, too!), and to take care of ourselves too.

The following article was written with a slightly different scenario in mind, but the advice remains just as valid here:

How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)

Take care!

Don’t Forget…

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  • With Only Gloves To Protect Them, Farmworkers Say They Tend Sick Cows Amid Bird Flu

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    GREELEY, Colo. — In early August, farmworkers gathered under a pavilion at a park here for a picnic to celebrate Farmworker Appreciation Day. One sign that this year was different from the others was the menu: Beef fajitas, tortillas, pico de gallo, chips, beans — but no chicken.

    Farms in Colorado had culled millions of chickens in recent months to stem the transmission of bird flu. Organizers filled out the spread with hot dogs.

    No matter the menu, some dairy workers at the event said they don’t exactly feel appreciated. They said they haven’t received any personal protective equipment beyond gloves to guard against the virus, even as they or colleagues have come down with conjunctivitis and flu-like symptoms that they fear to be bird flu.

    “They should give us something more,” one dairy worker from Larimer County said in Spanish. He spoke on the condition of anonymity out of fear he’d lose his job for speaking out. “What if something happens to us? They act as if nothing is wrong.”

    Agricultural health and safety experts have been trying to get the word out about how to protect against bird flu, including through bilingual videos on TikTok showing the proper way to gear up with respirators, eye protection, gloves, and coveralls. And Colorado’s health and agriculture departments have offered a free month’s supply of protective equipment to any producer who requests it.

    But so far, many farms aren’t taking them up on it: According to numbers provided by the state health department in late August, fewer than 13% of the state’s dairies had requested and received such PPE.

    The virus is known to infect mammals — from skunks, bears, and cows to people and house pets. It began showing up in dairy cattle in recent months, and Colorado has been in the thick of it. Ten of the 13 confirmed human cases in the U.S. this year have occurred in Colorado, where it continues to circulate among dairy cows. It isn’t a risk in cooked meat or pasteurized milk but is risky for those who come into contact with infected animals or raw milk.

    Weld County, where the farmworker event was held, is one of the nation’s top milk producers, supplying enough milk each month this year to fill about 45 Olympic-size swimming pools, according to U.S. Department of Agriculture data. Neighboring counties are notable producers, too.

    Concerns are growing about undiagnosed illness among farmworkers because of a lack of testing and safety precautions. One reason for concern: Bird flu and seasonal flu are capable of gene trading, so if they ended up in the same body at the same time, bird flu might end up with genes that boost its contagiousness. The virus doesn’t appear to be spreading easily between people yet. That could change, and if people aren’t being tested then health officials may be slow to notice.

    Strains of seasonal flu already kill some 47,000 people in the U.S. a year. Public health officials fear the havoc a new form of the flu could wreak if it spreads among people.

    The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that dairy workers don a respirator and goggles or a face shield, among other protections, whether they are working with sick animals or not.

    A recent study found that not all infected cows show symptoms, so workers could be interacting with contagious animals without realizing it. Even when it is known that animals are infected, farmworkers often still have to get in close contact with them, sometimes under grueling conditions, such as during a recent heat wave when Colorado poultry workers collected hundreds of chickens by hand for culling because of the outbreak. At least six of the workers became infected with bird flu.

    One dairy worker in Weld County, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of losing his job, said his employer has not offered any protective equipment beyond gloves, even though he works with sick cows and raw milk.

    His bosses asked the workers to separate sick cows from the others after some cows produced less milk, lost weight, and showed signs of weakness, he said. But the employer didn’t say anything about the bird flu, he said, or suggest they take any precautions for their own safety.

    He said he bought protective goggles for himself at Walmart when his eyes became itchy and red earlier this summer. He recalled experiencing dizziness, headaches, and low appetite around the same time. But he self-medicated and pushed through, without missing work or going to a doctor.

    “We need to protect ourselves because you never know,” he said in Spanish. “I tell my wife and son that the cows are sick, and she tells me to leave, but it will be the same wherever I go.”

    He said he’d heard that his employers were unsympathetic when a colleague approached them about feeling ill. He’d even seen someone affiliated with management remove a flyer about how people can protect themselves from the bird flu and throw it in a bin.

    The dairy worker in neighboring Larimer County said he, too, has had just gloves as protection, even when he has worked with sick animals — close enough for saliva to wipe off on him. He started working with them when a colleague missed work because of his flu-like symptoms: fever, headache, and red eyes.

    “I only wear latex gloves,” he said. “And I see that those who work with the cows that are sick also only wear gloves.”

    He said he doesn’t have time to wash his hands at work but puts on hand sanitizer before going home and takes a shower once he arrives. He has not had symptoms of infection.

    Such accounts from dairy workers echo those from farmworkers in Texas, as reported by KFF Health News in July.

    “Employers who are being proactive and providing PPE seem to be in the minority in most states,” said Bethany Boggess Alcauter with the National Center for Farmworker Health, a not-for-profit organization based in Texas that advocates for improving the health of farmworkers and their families. “Farmworkers are getting very little information.”

    But Zach Riley, CEO of the Colorado Livestock Association, said he thinks such scenarios are the exception, not the rule.

    “You would be hard-pressed to find a dairy operation that isn’t providing that PPE,” he said. Riley said dairies typically have a stockpile of PPE ready to go for situations like this and that, if they don’t, it’s easily accessed through the state. “All you have to do is ask.”

    Producers are highly motivated to keep infections down, he said, because “milk is their life source.” He said he has heard from some producers that “their family members who work on the farm are doing 18-to 20-hour days just to try to stay ahead of it, so that they’re the first line between everything, to protect their employees.”

    Colorado’s health department is advertising a hotline that ill dairy workers can call for help getting a flu test and medicine.

    Project Protect Food Systems Workers, an organization that emerged early in the covid-19 pandemic to promote farmworker health across Colorado, is distributing PPE it received from the state so promotoras — health workers who are part of the community they serve — can distribute masks and other protections directly to workers if employers aren’t giving them out.

    Promotora Tomasa Rodriguez said workers “see it as another virus, another covid, but it is because they don’t have enough information.”

    She has been passing out flyers about symptoms and protective measures, but she can’t access many dairies. “And in some instances,” she said, “a lot of these workers don’t know how to read, so the flyers are not reaching them, and then the employers are not doing any kind of talks or trainings.”

    The CDC’s Nirav Shah said during an Aug. 13 call with journalists that awareness about bird flu among dairy workers isn’t as high as officials would like it to be, despite months of campaigns on social media and the radio.

    “There’s a road ahead of us that we still need to go down to get awareness on par with, say, what it might be in the poultry world,” he said. “We’re using every single messenger that we can.”

    KFF Health News correspondents Vanessa G. Sánchez and Amy Maxmen contributed to this report.

    Healthbeat is a nonprofit newsroom covering public health published by Civic News Company and KFF Health News. Sign up for its newsletters here.

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

    Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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  • 6 Lifestyle Factors To Measurably Reduce Biological Age

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Julie Gibson Clark competes on a global leaderboard of people actively fighting aging (including billionaire Bryan Johnson, who is famously very focused on such). She’s currently ahead of him on that leaderboard, so what’s she doing?

    Top tips

    We’ll not keep the six factors a mystery; they are:

    • Exercise: her weekly exercise includes VO2 Max training, strength training, balance work, and low-intensity cardio. She exercises outdoors on Saturdays and takes rest days on Fridays and Sundays.
    • Diet: she follows a 16-hour intermittent fasting schedule (eating between 09:00–17:00), consumes a clean omnivore diet with an emphasis on vegetables and adequate protein, and avoids junk food.
    • Brain: she meditates for 20 minutes daily, prioritizes mental health, and ensures sufficient quality sleep, helped by morning sunlight exposure and time in nature.
    • Hormesis: she engages in 20-minute sauna sessions followed by cold showers four times per week to support recovery and longevity.
    • Supplements: she takes longevity supplements and bioidentical hormones to optimize her health and aging process.
    • Testing: she regularly monitors her biological age and health markers through various tests, including DEXA scans, VO2 Max tests, lipid panels, and epigenetic aging clocks, allowing her to adjust her routine accordingly.

    For more on all of these, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Age & Aging: What Can (And Can’t) We Do About It?

    Take care!

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  • Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life – by Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    We’ve talked about mindful eating before at 10almonds, so here’s a book about it. You may wonder how much there is to say!

    As it happens, there’s quite a bit. The authors, a Buddhist monk (Hanh) and a Harvard nutritionist (Dr. Cheung) explore the role of mindful eating in our life.

    There is an expectation that we the reader want to lose weight. If we don’t, those parts of the book will be a “miss” for us, but still contain plenty of other value.

    Most of the same advices can be applied equally to other aspects of health, in any case. A lot of that comes from the book’s Buddhist principles, including the notion that:

    1. We are experiencing suffering
    2. Suffering has a cause
    3. What has a cause can have an end
    4. The way to this end is mindfulness

    As such, the process itself is also mindfulness all the way through:

    1. To be mindful of our suffering (and not let it become background noise to be ignored)
    2. To be mindful of the cause of our suffering (rather than dismissing it as just how things are)
    3. To be mindful of how to address that, and thus end the suffering (rather than despairing in inaction)
    4. To engage mindfully in the process of doing so (and thus not fall into the trap of thinking “job done”)

    And, as for Dr. Cheung? She also has input throughout, with practical advice about the more scientific side of rethinking one’s diet.

    Bottom line: this is an atypical book, and/but perhaps an important one. Certainly, at the very least it may be one to try if more conventional approaches have failed!

    Click here to check out “Savor” on Amazon today, and get mindful!

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Related Posts

  • Self-Care That’s Not Just Self-Indulgence
  • How To Do HIIT (Without Wrecking Your Body)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    How To Do HIIT (Without Wrecking Your Body)

    High-Intensity Interval Training, henceforth “HIIT”, is a well-researched and well-evidenced approach to exercise that gives powerful health benefits.

    Specifically, health benefits that we don’t get from moderate exercise (as important as that is too) or endurance training.

    Super-quick overview of the benefits first:

    *remember that most forms of exercise aren’t very good for fat loss, because our metabolism will slow afterwards to compensate. So HIIT flipping this one is quite a big deal.

    What actually is it?

    HIIT means exercise sessions in which one alternates between high intensity “maximum effort” bursts, and short recovery periods during which more moderate exercise is performed.

    An example for runners could be switching between sprinting or jogging, changing mode each time one passes a street light.

    ❝A total of only two minutes of sprint interval exercise was sufficient to elicit similar responses as 30 minutes of continuous moderate intensity aerobic exercise❞

    ~ Trewin et al. (2018)

    Read more: Acute HIIT elicits similar changes in human skeletal muscle mitochondrial H₂O₂ release, respiration, and cell signaling as endurance exercise even with less work

    What did you mean about not wrecking your body? Is that… Likely?

    Hopefully not, but it’s a barrier to some! We are not all twenty-something college athletes, after all, and our bodies aren’t always as durable as they used to be.

    HIIT relies on intense exercise and short recovery periods, but what if our bodies are not accustomed to intense exercise, and need longer recovery periods? Can we still get the same benefits?

    The trick is not to change the intensity or the recovery periods, but the exercise itself.

    For HIIT to work the “intense” part has to be best-effort or approaching such. That part’s not negotiable. The recovery periods can be stretched a bit if you need to, but with the right tweaks, you ideally won’t have to do that.

    Great! How?

    First, note that you can do resistance interval training without impact. For example, if you crank up the resistance on an exercise bike or similar machine, you will be doing resistance training along with your cardio, and you’ll be doing it without the impact on your joints that you would if out pounding the pavement on foot.

    (Running is fine if your body is used to it, but please don’t make HIIT your first running exercise in a decade)

    Second, consider your environment. That exercise bike? You can get off it any time and you’re already at home (or perhaps your gym, with your car outside). Not so if you took up mountain biking or road racing.

    Third, go for what is gentle in motion, even if it’s not resistance work per se. Swimming is a fabulous option for most people, and can absolutely be done with HIIT principles. Since vision is often obscured while swimming, counting strokes can be a good way to do HIIT. For example, ten strokes max effort, ten strokes normal, repeat. Do make sure you are aware of where the end of the pool is, though!

    Fourth, make it fun! Ok, this one’s not about the safety quite so much, but it is about sustainability, and that’s critical for practical purposes too. You will only continue an exercise routine that you enjoy, after all.

    • Could you curate a musical playlist that shifts tempo to cue your exercise mode intervals?
    • Could you train with an exercise partner? Extra fun if this has a “relay race” feel to it, i.e. when one person completes a high intensity interval, the other person must now begin theirs.

    Need some pointers getting started?

    There are a lot of HIIT apps out there, so you can just search for that on your device of choice.

    But!

    We at 10almonds have recommended 7-Minute Workout before, which is available for iOS and for Android, and we stand by that as a great starting choice.

    Enjoy!

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  • In Praise Of Walking – by Dr. Shane O’Mara

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    At 10almonds we talk often of the health benefits of walking, so what’s new here?

    As the subtitle suggests: a new scientific exploration!

    Dr. Shane O’Mara is a professor of experimental brain research—and a keen walker. Combining his profession and his passion, he offers us a uniquely well-grounded perspective.

    While the writing style is very readable, there’s a lot of science referenced here, with many studies cited. We love that!

    We begin our journey by learning what we have in common with sea squirts, and what we have different from all other apes. What we can learn from other humans, from toddlers to supercentenarians.

    As one might expect from a professor of experimental brain research, we learn a lot more about what walking does for our brain, than for the rest of our body. We’ve previously talked about walking and cardiovascular health, and brown adipose tissue, and benefits to the immune system, but this book remains steadfastly focused on the brain.

    Which just goes to show, what a lot there is to say for the science-based benefits to our brain health, both neurologically and psychologically!

    One of the things at which Dr. O’Mara excels that this reviewer hasn’t seen someone do so well before, is neatly tie together the appropriate “why” and “how” to each “what” of the brain-benefits of walking. Not just that walking boosts mood or creativity or problem-solving, say, but why and how it does so.

    Often, understanding that can be the difference between being motivated to actually do it or not!

    Bottom line: if there’s a book that’ll get you lacing up your walking shoes, this’ll be the one.

    Click here to check out “In Praise of Walking” on Amazon, and start reaping the benefits!

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  • Shrimp vs Caviar – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing shrimp to caviar, we picked the caviar.

    Why?

    Both of these seafoods share a common history (also shared with lobster, by the way) of “nutrient-dense peasant-food that got gentrified and now it’s more expensive despite being easier to source”. But, cost and social quirks aside, what are their strengths and weaknesses?

    In terms of macros, both are high in protein, but caviar is much higher in fat. You may be wondering: are the fats healthy? And the answer is that it’s a fairly even mix between monounsaturated (healthy), polyunsaturated (healthy), and saturated (unhealthy). The fact that caviar is generally enjoyed in very small portions is its saving grace here, but quantity for quantity, shrimp is the natural winner on macros.

    …unless we take into account the omega-3 and omega-6 balance, in which case, it’s worthy of note that caviar has more omega-3 (which most people could do with consuming more of) while shrimp has more omega-6 (which most people could do with consuming less of).

    When it comes to vitamins, caviar has more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B5, B6, B9, B12, D, K, and choline; nor are the margins small in most cases, being multiples (or sometimes, tens of multiples) higher. Shrimp, meanwhile, boasts only more vitamin B3.

    In the category of minerals, caviar leads with more calcium, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, and selenium, while shrimp has more copper and zinc.

    All in all, while shrimp has its benefits for being lower in fat (and thus also, for those whom that may interest, lower in calories), caviar wins the day by virtue of its overwhelming nutritional density.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    What Omega-3 Fatty Acids Really Do For Us

    Take care!

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