Better Sex = Longer Life (Here’s How)
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This is Dr. Candice Hargons. She’s a professor of psychology, and has served on the Kentucky Psychological Association Board, the Society of Counseling Psychology Executive Board, and the American Psychological Association (APA)’s Council of Representatives. She also served on the APA Board of Directors, after receiving the APA’s Presidential Citation award for her research and leadership.
She leads the Study of Mental And Sexual Health Equity in Relationships (SMASHER Lab), with a predominant focus on promoting good sex, sexual wellness, and liberation among couples and communities.
In her own words:
❝Sex is one of the most common and normal human behaviors, and yet it remains relatively taboo as a topic. Many people worry about being judged, either for being perceived as too sexual or not sexual enough, and a major focus of my work is to normalize talking and learning about sex to improve sexual functioning across the adult lifespan.❞
~ Dr. Candice Hargons
So, let’s do that!
What does good sex do for health?
We’ve written previously about the health aspects of orgasms specifically:
“Early To Bed…” (Mythbusting Orgasms) ← including resources pertaining to anorgasmia, the inability to orgasm
…but orgasms are not the be-all-and-end-all of sex; see for example:
A Urologist Explains Edging: What, Why, & Is It Safe? ← when the journey is genuinely more of a focus than the destination
And certainly, good sex is simply a very good way to relax and de-stress, which is important, given how important stress management is to general health in very many ways (affecting things ranging from inflammation to heart health and more).
Plus, while the level of athleticism deployed may vary, sex is a physical activity, and physical activity is, as a rule, good.
There’s more to it than that though! It also can help us bind closely to our loved ones, in a positive way, which—critically—has a very positive impact on healthy longevity:
Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much! ← this is about the seriousness of the relationship, not the sex, but for most people, a strong and fulfilling relationship will include having good sex.
The scientific relationship between sex and longevity also got a whole chapter in this excellent book that we reviewed all so recently:
Age Proof: The New Science of Living a Longer and Healthier Life – by Dr. Rose Anne Kenny
What makes it “good”?
Dr. Hargons considers (and her opinion is backed by extensive research in the SMASHER Lab, if you’ll pardon the mental image that that might conjure) that first and foremost… It has to feel good to all parties involved.
In contrast, oftentimes, one partner’s pleasure is prioritized over another’s, and that becomes a problem.*
*assuming that’s not part of an established kink dynamic with enthusiastic affirmative consent, such as if the partner whose pleasure is being deprioritized is enthusiastically requesting to be denied orgasms, for example. Yes, that’s a real kink and even a popular one, but it’s not what’s happening in most sexually uneven relationships.
This kind of unplanned disparity often goes undiscussed by the couple in question—especially in heterosexual couples if the man is getting what he wants/needs and the woman isn’t, because there’s a rather lop-sided societal expectation in that regard. And even a loving, well-intentioned man can simply not know how to do better and be afraid to ask. And for that matter, it’s also entirely possible for his partner to not know either.
Dr. Hargons lists the four main keys as:
- Communication
- Intimacy
- Passion
- Pleasure
And communication indeed comes first, so to speak. For example, she advises:
❝Begin by identifying what you like and don’t like sexually. An easy way to do this is to create a “Yes, No, Maybe So” list. You can use paper or a Notes app on your phone.
Create three columns: one for Yes, No, and Maybe So sections. In the Yes section, write all the things you enjoy and want to keep doing sexually, as well as things you have not tried yet that you want to try. In the No section, write all the things you don’t enjoy and do not want to do anymore. It can also include things you haven’t tried that you’re uninterested in trying. Finally, in your Maybe So list, write all the things you’re curious about and/or are only willing to try in specific settings or circumstances.
You can share this list with your partner, but even if you are not ready to do that, you will already have enhanced your sexual self-awareness and be better positioned to talk with your sexual partner about what you want.❞
This represents an important shift from “whatever” to taking an active role in your sex life at your own pace.
And from there, it’s just a matter of exploring, together, and learning as you go. Could anything be more exciting than that?
“What if I’m single?”
We talked about this a little previously, more relationally than sexually specifically, though:
Now, a single person can of course still have an active sex life if you so choose, in which case, the above advice still applies, just, it’ll be conversations with your partner-of-the-moment rather than with a life partner. And that’s important too! Just because something is casual, doesn’t mean it need not be entered into mindfully and with a sense of what you want out of it, and communicating that effectively (while encouraging the same from others, and of course actually listening to, and caring about, what they say too).
And if you are, perchance, single and decided on a life of celibacy now, you can and (if you are sexual at all) should still figure out what you like and don’t like sexually, because even if it’s going to be you-on-you action, it will be good for you to love yourself enough to do it right.
Seriously, treat yourself at least as well as you would any other lover.
On which note, corded wand-style vibrators like the famous “Magic Wand” kind are much more powerful than the battery kind, and you will feel the difference, in a good way.
And if you really want to invest in your sexual wellness and you like the idea, saddle-style vibrators like this one will rock your socks off in ways handheld vibrators couldn’t dream of.
Want to know more?
You might want to check out Dr. Hargons’ book:
Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation – by Dr. Candice Hargons ← this covers so many important areas, more than we have room to here. Just check out the table of contents, and you’ll see what we mean.
…which we haven’t reviewed yet, but here are some excellent related books that we have:
- Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections – by Dr. Emily Nagoski
- Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire – by Dr. Lori Brotto
Enjoy!
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9 Little Habits To Have A Better Day
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Practically gift-wrapped, here are 9 key things to improve any day!
Mindfully does it
These are all things that seem obvious when you read them, but take a moment to consider: how many do you actually do on a daily basis, really? And could you implement the others?
- Remember to be thankful: train your brain to focus on the good in life, either in the morning to start the day positively or at night to unload stress. Or both!
- Change your scenery: visiting new places, even just a walk in the park, can refresh your mind and improve your mood.
- Do one thing at a time: multitasking leads to unfinished, low-quality work. Focusing on one task at a time all but ensures better results.
- Laugh: laughter releases feel-good hormones of various kinds, spreads joy, and relieves tension, making the day more enjoyable. It has longevity-boosting effects too!
- Help someone: helping others boosts happiness, enhances self-worth, and might even provide insights into your own problems. As a bonus, it actually helps the other person, too—so “pay it forward” and all that 🙂
- Prepare the night before: prepping ahead prevents morning stress, making for a smoother and more confident start to the day—which sets the tone of the rest of the day.
- Hype yourself up: even temporary self-belief can boost confidence and its effects are incrementally cumulative over time.
- Relaxation: establish an evening routine (like reading or listening to calming music) to de-stress and improve sleep quality.
- Take your time: being present in the moment enhances enjoyment, improves focus, and cultivates gratitude—which takes us back to #1!
For more on each of these, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Are You Flourishing? (There’s a Scale)
Take care!
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Natto vs Tofu – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing nattō to tofu, we picked the nattō.
Why?
In other words, in the comparison of fermented soy to fermented soy, we picked the fermented soy. But the relevant difference here is that nattō is fermented whole soybeans, while tofu is fermented soy milk of which the coagulated curds are then compressed into a block—meaning that the nattō is the one that has “more food per food”.
Looking at the macros, it’s therefore no surprise that nattō has a lot more fiber to go with its higher carb count; it also has slightly more protein. You may be wondering what tofu has more of, and the answer is: water.
In terms of vitamins, nattō has more of vitamins B2, B4, B6, C, E, K, and choline, while tofu has more of vitamins A, B3, and B9. So, a 7:3 win for nattō, even before considering that that vitamin C content of nattō is 65x more than what tofu has.
When it comes to minerals, nattō has more copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, potassium, and zinc, while tofu has more calcium, phosphorus, and selenium. So, a 6:3 win for nattō, and yes, the margins of difference are comparable (being 2–3x more for most of these minerals).
In short, both of these foods are great, but nattō is better.
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
21% Stronger Bones in a Year at 62? Yes, It’s Possible (No Calcium Supplements Needed!)
Take care!
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What Seasonal Allergies Mean For Your Heart
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Most people associate seasonal allergies with itchy eyes and stuffy noses, but the effects can go a lot deeper.
This is because allergic reactions don’t just affect the respiratory system; they trigger chronic inflammation throughout the body, and in fact:
❝Allergic disease is a systemic and inflammatory condition❞
~ Dr. Rauno Joks, whose work we will cite in a moment
The important thing to understand in terms of heart health, is that chronic* systemic inflammation can contribute to coronary artery disease, where plaque buildup in arteries (bearing in mind, arterial plaque is in large part made of dead immune cells) raises the risk of heart attacks and strokes.
*Yes, a season once or twice per year counts as “chronic”.
A large (n=603,140) study found that allergic rhinitis (hay fever) increased the odds of coronary heart disease by 25% and heart attacks by 20%. Asthma, especially during flare-ups, posed an even greater risk:
Beyond biology
The effects aren’t just biological; allergies can limit physical activity, leading to a sedentary lifestyle that harms heart health.
In other words: if you’re not going outdoors because there’s pollen, and you’re not exercising because you’re exhausted, then the rest of your health is going to take a nose-dive (so to speak) too.
So, one more reason to take it seriously and not just dismiss it as “it’s just allergies, I’ll survive”.
Practical takeaways
Some things we can all do:
- Monitor your risk factors; i.e. keep on top of your heart health metrics, especially blood pressure and cholesterol, as well as any known genetic predisposition to cardiovascular disease.
- Watch out for alternative causes: symptoms like fatigue or shortness of breath may not always be allergies; they could signal asthma, reflux (for example if wheezing), or even heart disease. An allergist is a good first port-of-call, though.
- Be cautious with medications: some decongestants / allergy meds / asthma meds can raise blood pressure and/or interfere with other medications. Your pharmacist is the best person to speak to about this; they know this kind of thing much better than doctors, as a rule. And whenever you get a new medication, it is good practice to make a habit of always reading the information leaflet that comes with it, and/or look it up on a reputable website such as Drugs.com or the the BNF, to learn about what it is, how it works, what the risks are, what its contraindications are, etc.
- Don’t ignore warning signs: lightheadedness or chest pain could indicate a heart issue and should be addressed immediately. It’s better to be wrong and temporarily embarrassed, than wrong and permanently dead. Besides, even if it’s not a heart issue, it may be something else that would benefit from attention, so taking it seriously is always a good idea.
Want to know more?
Check out:
- What Your Mucus Says About Your Health
- Antihistamines’ Generation Gap
- Oh, Honey: The Bee’s Knees? ← what science has to say about “honey will inoculate you against allergies”
Take care!
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From eye exams to blood tests and surgery: how doctors use light to diagnose disease
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This is the next article in our ‘Light and health’ series, where we look at how light affects our physical and mental health in sometimes surprising ways. Read other articles in the series.
You’re not feeling well. You’ve had a pounding headache all week, dizzy spells and have vomited up your past few meals.
You visit your GP to get some answers and sit while they shine a light in your eyes, order a blood test and request some medical imaging.
Everything your GP just did relies on light. These are just some of the optical technologies that have had an enormous impact in how we diagnose disease.
megaflopp/Shutterstock 1. On-the-spot tests
Point-of-care diagnostics allow doctors to test patients on the spot and get answers in minutes, rather than sending samples to a lab for analysis.
The “flashlight” your GP uses to view the inside of your eye (known as an ophthalmoscope) is a great example. This allows doctors to detect abnormal blood flow in the eye, deformations of the cornea (the outermost clear layer of the eye), or swollen optical discs (a round section at the back of the eye where the nerve link to the brain begins). Swollen discs are a sign of elevated pressure inside your head (or in the worst case, a brain tumour) that could be causing your headaches.
The invention of lasers and LEDs has enabled many other miniaturised technologies to be provided at the bedside or clinic rather than in the lab.
Pulse oximetry is a famous example, where a clip attached to your finger reports how well your blood is oxygenated. It does this by measuring the different responses of oxygenated and de-oxygenated blood to different colours of light.
Pulse oximetry is used at hospitals (and sometimes at home) to monitor your respiratory and heart health. In hospitals, it is also a valuable tool for detecting heart defects in babies.
See that clip on the patient’s finger? That’s a pulse oximeter, which relies on light to monitor respiratory and heart health. CGN089/Shutterstock 2. Looking at molecules
Now, back to that blood test. Analysing a small amount of your blood can diagnose many different diseases.
A machine called an automated “full blood count analyser” tests for general markers of your health. This machine directs focused beams of light through blood samples held in small glass tubes. It counts the number of blood cells, determines their specific type, and reports the level of haemoglobin (the protein in red blood cells that distributes oxygen around your body). In minutes, this machine can provide a snapshot of your overall health.
For more specific disease markers, blood serum is separated from the heavier cells by spinning in a rotating instrument called a centrifuge. The serum is then exposed to special chemical stains and enzyme assays that change colour depending on whether specific molecules, which may be the sign of a disease, are present.
These colour changes can’t be detected with the naked eye. However, a light beam from an instrument called a spectrometer can detect tiny amounts of these substances in the blood and determine if the biomarkers for diseases are present, and at what levels.
Light shines through the blood sample and tells us whether biomarkers for disease are present. angellodeco/Shutterstock 3. Medical imaging
Let’s re-visit those medical images your GP ordered. The development of fibre-optic technology, made famous for transforming high-speed digital communications (such as the NBN), allows light to get inside the body. The result? High-resolution optical imaging.
A common example is an endoscope, where fibres with a tiny camera on the end are inserted into the body’s natural openings (such as your mouth or anus) to examine your gut or respiratory tracts.
Surgeons can insert the same technology through tiny cuts to view the inside of the body on a video screen during laparoscopic surgery (also known as keyhole surgery) to diagnose and treat disease.
Doctors can insert this flexible fibre-optic tube with a camera on the end into your body. Eduard Valentinov/Shutterstock How about the future?
Progress in nanotechnology and a better understanding of the interactions of light with our tissues are leading to new light-based tools to help diagnose disease. These include:
- nanomaterials (materials on an extremely small scale, many thousands of times smaller than the width of a human hair). These are being used in next-generation sensors and new diagnostic tests
- wearable optical biosensors the size of your fingernail can be included in devices such as watches, contact lenses or finger wraps. These devices allow non-invasive measurements of sweat, tears and saliva, in real time
- AI tools to analyse how blood serum scatters infrared light. This has allowed researchers to build a comprehensive database of scatter patterns to detect any cancer
- a type of non-invasive imaging called optical coherence tomography for more detailed imaging of the eye, heart and skin
- fibre optic technology to deliver a tiny microscope into the body on the tip of a needle.
So the next time you’re at the GP and they perform (or order) some tests, chances are that at least one of those tests depend on light to help diagnose disease.
Matthew Griffith, Associate Professor and ARC Future Fellow and Director, UniSA Microscopy and Microanalysis Facilities, University of South Australia
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Ear Today, Gone Tomorrow
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Have just had microsuction to remove wax from my ears. A not unpleasant experience but would appreciate your guidance on how best to discourage the buildup of wax in the first place.❞
Well, certainly do not prod or poke it, and that includes with cotton buds (Q-Tips, for the Americans amongst us). That pushes more down than that it extracts, and creates a denser base of wax.
There is no evidence that ear candles help, and they can cause harm.
Further reading: Experts update best practices for diagnosis and treatment of earwax (cerumen impaction)
Ear drops can help, and if you want a home-remedy edition, olive oil or almond oil can be used; these oils dissolve the wax quite quickly (in fancier words: they are cerumenolytic agents); washing with water (e.g. in the shower or bath) is then all that’s needed. However, to avoid infection, ensure you are using a high-purity oil, and get one to use just for that; don’t just grab a bottle from the kitchen.
For your convenience, here is an example of medical grade almond oil (with dropper!) on Amazon
❝Every article had relevance to me. I ❤️ whole fruit, it’s my go to treat. I use ice packs to ease my arthritic knee pain, works well. I’ve read and loved Dr Gawande’s books. Great handful of almonds today❞
While this wasn’t a question, and we don’t usually publish feedback here, I (your writer here, hi) misread that as “ice picks” in the first instance, an implement we’ve probably all wanted to use to relieve pain at some point, but certainly not recommendable! Anyway, the momentary confusion made me smile, so I thought I’d share the silly thought. Smiling is infectious, and all that… And it’s certainly good for the health!
More seriously, glad you enjoyed!
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Burned Out By Tuesday?
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Avoiding Burnout, The Active Way
This is Dr. Claudine Holt. She’s double board-certified, in Occupational & Environmental Medicine, and Lifestyle Medicine.
In short: preventative medicine in all parts of our life.
Hopefully, you are reading this bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to take on another exciting day in this wonderful, beautiful world!
On the other hand, it’s possible that you’re reading this semi-focussed, looking for a crumb of dopamine as much as you are looking for information.
If you’ve ever had the “What a week!” / “It’s only Tuesday” moment, this one’s for you.
What does Dr. Holt want us to know?
You can recover from burnout without guilt
Sometimes, we overreach ourselves. Sometimes, life overreaches us! Sometimes it’s not that we overcommitted—it’s just that we were taking each day as it comes, but sometimes several days gang up on us at once.
Sometimes, even, we can feel exhausted when it seems like we haven’t done anything.
Note: if you feel exhausted and it seems like you haven’t done anything, then be aware: you are exhausted for a reason!
What that reason might be may vary, but contrary to popular belief, energy does not just vanish. It went somewhere.
This goes double if you have any chronic illness(es), even if you’re not aware of having had a flare-up, chances are you were just exceptionally busy (on a cellular level).
And it’s easy to think that “mere” cellular activity shouldn’t be exhausting, but that is 100% of where our energy transactions happen—whether or not we are consciously aware of them!
See also: Eat To Beat Chronic Fatigue ← yes, this also covers when you are too exhausted to shop and cook like a TV chef
Dr. Holt specializes in working with burned out medical professionals (and also specifically specializes in working with women), but there are lessons for everyone in her advice. For example:
Fiction: ”Medicine is my calling–it’s who I am.”
Fact: You are more than medicine! Remember that your career is just one aspect of your life. Don’t forget to create your big-picture vision and tend the garden of the other areas of your life too.
Read more: Dr. Claudine Holt | Burnout: Fact vs Fiction
This same thing can go for whatever part of your identity frequently follows “I’m a…”, and is somewhere that you put a lot of your energy; it could equally be a non-professional job like “homemaker”, or a relational status like “husband”, or a cultural identifier like “Christian”, or a hobby like “gardener” (assuming that is not also your profession, in which case, same item, different category).
Indeed, a lot of women especially get hit by “the triple burden” of professional work, housework, and childcare. And it’s not even necessarily that we resent any of those things or feel like they’re a burden; we (hopefully) love our professions, homes, children. But, here’s the thing:
No amount of love will add extra hours to the day.
So what does she recommend doing about it, when sometimes we’re juggling things that can’t be dropped?
Start simple, but start!
Dr. Holt recommends to start with a smile (yes even if, and sometimes especially when, the circumstances do not feel like they merit it), and deploy some CBT tools:
Two Hacks to Quickly Rise Above Burnout (Or Any Circumstance)
We’ve expanded on this topic here:
With a more level head on, it becomes easier to take on the next step, which creating healthy boundaries—and that doesn’t just mean with other people!
It also means slaying our own perfectionism and imposter syndrome—both things that will have us chasing our tails 36 hours per day if we let them.
See also:
- Perfectionism, And How To Make Yours Work For You
- Imposter Syndrome (And Why Almost Everyone Has It)
❝Burnout is the culture of our times. A culture that expects us to do more and think our way out of everything. A culture that asks for more than the body can bear. Unfortunately, even though the situation might not be of our creation, burnout culture is our inheritance.
An inheritance we can either perpetuate—or change—depending on what we embody.❞
Source: The Embodied MD on Burnout with Dr Claudine Holt
That “embodiment” is partly our choices and actions that we bring and own just as we bring and own our body—and it’s partly our relationship with our body itself, and learning to love it, and work with it to achieve wonderful things, instead of just getting through the day.
Which yes, does also mean making space for good diet, exercise, sleep and so forth, per:
These Top Five Things Make The Biggest Difference To Health
Want to know more?
You might like to check out Dr. Holt’s website:
The Embodied M.D. | Burnout Coach
…where she also offers resources such as a blog and a podcast.
Enjoy!
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