The Gym For Your Mental Health
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Getting The Most Out Of Therapy
If you’ve never had therapy, what image do you have of it? Perhaps you imagine a bearded and bespectacled man in a suit, impassively making notes on a clipboard. Perhaps you imagine an empathetic woman, with tissues and camomile tea on standby.
The reality is: the experience of therapy can vary, a lot.
In its results, too! Sometimes we may try therapy and think “well that was a waste of time and money”. Sometimes we may try therapy and it’ll change our life.
So… Is there any way to make it less of a lottery?
First: knowledge is power
And while the therapist-client relationship certainly shouldn’t be a power struggle, you do want to be empowered.
So, read about different styles of therapy, and also, read some how-to guides for self-therapy. We’ve recommended some before in previous editions of 10almonds; you can check those books out here:
- How to Be Your Own Therapist: Boost your mood and reduce your anxiety in 10 minutes a day – by Owen O’Kane
- You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships – by Dr. Richard Schwartz
- DBT Made Simple: A Step-by-Step Guide to Dialectical Behavior Therapy – by Sheri van Dijk
- How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self – by Dr. Nicole LaPera
This will serve two purposes:
- You’ll know what to expect out of a therapist
- You can more efficiently “get to work” in therapy
It also, of course, could help you already, without even going to therapy!
Second: begin with the end in mind
A person who does not know what they want to get out of therapy, will likely not get much out of therapy. Or rather, their first task will be to figure that out. So, figure it out in advance, if you can.
Maybe you have a problem that has a specific name, for example poor self-esteem, anxiety, stress, depression, trauma, neuroticism, phobia, etc.
This isn’t Alcoholics Anonymous, and in this case you don’t want a lifetime of “Hello, my name is ______ and I have ______”, if you can help it.
So, what do you want?
- Maybe you want to be able to go to social events without feeling anxious
- Maybe you want your relationship(s) to be more secure and fulfilling
- Maybe you want to no longer have nightmares about that traumatic thing
- Maybe you want to be able to greet each day’s tasks with confidence and without overwhelm
…etc.
A good therapist will help you to set such goals (if you haven’t already), and attain them.
If you’re going the self-therapy route, then this is your job now!
It will probably start with the question: imagine that everything currently troubling you is now healed.
What would that look like, to you?
Third: get a good match for you
Unless you are going entirely the self-therapy route (which can work for some), you will want a therapist who’s a good match for you.
It may take a degree of “suck it and see” trial runs before you find the right one, but that takes time and money, so you’ll want to streamline the process as much as you can. If you do this well, you may be able to find a good therapist for you first time.
For this, personal recommendations (such as from friends) may help more than exmaining academic and institutional affiliations.
Yes, you want a well-qualified therapist who is a member in good standing of a respectable regulated body… but whether your therapist is easy for you to “get on with” will matter at least as much as whether their approach is psychodynamic, or 4th wave CBT, or IFS, or whatever seems popular in your time and place.
Bear in mind:
- Some therapists are specialized in helping with some kinds of things and not others. It will obviously help if the therapist you choose is specialized in the thing you are seeking help for.
- Some therapists may be able to relate to you better (or not), based on simple factors of who they are. To this end, while your therapist certainly doesn’t have to be a mirror image of you, factors like age, gender, race, etc can be relevant and may be worth considering, depending on what you are seeking help with, and what factors impact that thing.
Prefer keeping things to yourself?
Therapy isn’t for everyone, but having a good relationship with oneself definitely is. You might want to invest in one of the books whose reviews we linked above, and you might also get value from previous Psychology Sunday articles, which you can find in our archive (every seventh edition here has a Psychology Sunday main feature):
Click Here To Check Out The 10almonds Archive
To borrow the catchphrase of Dr. Kirk Honda (a therapist and therapy educator with decades of experience):
❝Take care of yourself, because you deserve it; you really, really do.❞
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
-
Cannellini Protein Gratin
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
A healthier twist on a classic, the protein here comes not only from the cannellini beans, but also from (at the risk of alienating French readers) a béchamel sauce that is not made using the traditional method involving flour and butter, but instead, has cashew protein as a major constituent.
You will need
- 3 medium potatoes, chopped (no need to peel them; you can if you want, but many of the nutrients are there and they’re not a problem for the recipe)
- 1 can cannellini beans (also called white kidney beans)
- 1 medium onion, chopped
- 2 stalks celery, sliced
- 1 carrot, chopped
- ½ bulb garlic, minced (or more, if you like)
- 1 jalapeño, chopped
- 2 tbsp tomato paste
- 1 tbsp chia seeds
- 2 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
- Extra virgin olive oil, for frying
For the béchamel sauce:
- ½ cup milk (we recommend a neutral-tasting plant milk, such as unsweetened soy, but go with your preference)
- ⅓ cup cashews, soaked in hot water for at least 5 minutes (longer is fine) and drained
- ¼ cup nutritional yeast
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1 tsp dried thyme
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
Note: it will be a bonus if you can use a pan that is good both for going on the hob and in the oven, such as a deep cast iron skillet, or a Dutch oven. If you don’t have something like that though, it’s fine, just use a sauté pan or similar, and then transfer to an oven dish for the oven part—we’ll mention this again when we get to it.
1) Preheat the oven to 250℉/175℃.
2) Heat the pan, adding some oil and then the oven; fry it for about 5 minutes, stirring often.
3) Add the potatoes, celery, carrot, garlic, and jalapeño, stirring for another 2 minutes.
4) Add the tomato paste, along with 1 cup water, the chia seeds, and the black pepper, and cook for a further 15 minutes, stirring occasionally as necessary.
5) Add the cannellini beans, and cook for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally as necessary.
6) Blend all the ingredients for the béchamel sauce, processing it until it is smooth.
7) If you are using an oven-safe pan, pour the béchamel sauce over the bean mixture (don’t stir it; the sauce should remain on top) and transfer it to the oven. Don’t use a lid.
If you’re not using an oven safe pan, first transfer the bean mixture to an oven dish, then pour the béchamel sauce over the bean mixture (don’t stir it; the sauce should remain on top) and put it in the oven. Don’t use a lid.
8) Bake for about 15 minutes, or until turning golden-brown on top.
9) Serve! It can be enjoyed on its own, or with salad and/or rice. See also, our Tasty Versatile Rice Recipe.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- What Matters Most For Your Heart?
- The Many Health Benefits Of Garlic
- Easily Digestible Vegetarian Protein Sources
- Is Dairy Scary?
- Cashew Nuts vs Coconut – Which is Healthier?
- Black Pepper’s Impressive Anti-Cancer Arsenal (And More)
Take care!
Share This Post
-
Optimism Seriously Increases Longevity!
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Always look on the bright side for life
❝I’m not a pessimist; I’m a realist!❞
~ every pessimist ever
To believe self-reports, the world is divided between optimists and realists. But how does your outlook measure up, really?
Below, we’ve included a link to a test, and like most free online tests, this is offered “as-is” with the usual caveats about not being a clinical diagnostic tool, this one actually has a fair amount of scientific weight behind it:
❝Empirical testing has indicated the validity of the Optimism Pessimism Instrument as published in the scientific journal Current Psychology: Research and Reviews.
The IDRlabs Optimism/Pessimism Test (IDR-OPT) was developed by IDRlabs. The IDR-OPT is based on the Optimism/Pessimism Instrument (OPI) developed by Dr. William Dember, Dr. Stephanie Martin, Dr. Mary Hummer, Dr. Steven Howe, and Dr. Richard Melton, at the University of Cincinnati.❞
Take This Short (1–2 mins) Test
How did you score? And what could you do to improve on that score?
We said before that we’d do a main feature on this sometime, and today’s the day! Fits with the theme of Easter too, as for those who observe, this is a time for a celebration of hope, new beginnings, and life stepping out of the shadows.
On which note, before we go any further, let’s look at a very big “why” of optimism…
There have been many studies done regards optimism and health, and they generally come to the same conclusion: optimism is simply good for the health.
Here’s an example. It’s a longitudinal study, and it followed 121,700 women (what a sample size!) for eight years. It controlled for all kinds of other lifestyle factors (especially smoking, drinking, diet, and exercise habits, as well as pre-existing medical conditions), so this wasn’t a case of “people who are healthy are more optimistic as a result. And, in the researchers’ own words…
❝We found strong and statistically significant associations of increasing levels of optimism with decreasing risks of mortality, including mortality due each major cause of death, such as cancer, heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease, and infection.
Importantly, findings were maintained after close control for potential confounding factors, including sociodemographic characteristics and depression❞
Read: Optimism and Cause-Specific Mortality: A Prospective Cohort Study
So that’s the why. Now for the how…
Positive thinking is not what you think it is
A lot of people think of “think positive thoughts” as a very wishy-washy platitude, but positive thinking isn’t about ignoring what’s wrong, or burying every negative emotion.
Rather, it is taking advantage of the basic CBT, DBT, and, for that matter, NLP principles:
- Our feelings are driven by our thoughts
- Our thoughts can be changed by how we frame things
This is a lot like the idea that “there’s not such thing as bad weather; only the wrong clothes”. Clearly written by someone who’s never been in a hurricane, but by and large, the principle stands true.
For example…
- Most problems can be reframed as opportunities
- Replace “I have to…” with “I get to…”
- Will the task be arduous? It’ll be all the better looking back on it.
- Did you fail abjectly? Be proud that you lived true to your values anyway.
A lot of this is about focusing on what you can control. If you live your life by your values (first figure out what they are, if you haven’t already), then that will become a reassuring thing that you can always count on, no matter what.
Practice positive self-talk (eliminate the negative)
We often learn, usually as children, to be self deprecatory so as to not appear immodest. While modesty certainly has its place, we don’t have to trash ourselves to do that!
There are various approaches to this, for example:
- Replacing a self-criticism (whether it was true or not) with a neutral or positive statement that you know is true. “I suck at xyz” is just putting yourself down, “Xyz is a challenge for me” asks the question, how will you rise to it?
- Replacing a self-criticism with irony. It doesn’t matter how dripping with sarcasm your inner voice is, the words will still be better. “Glamorous as ever!” after accidentally putting mascara in your eye. “So elegant and graceful!” after walking into furniture. And so on.
Practice radical acceptance
This evokes the “optimistic nihilism” approach to life. It’s perhaps not best in all scenarios, but if you’re consciously and rationally pretty sure something is going to be terrible (and/or know it’s completely outside of your control), acknowledging that possibility (or even, likelihood) cheerfully. Borrowing from the last tip, this can be done with as much irony as you find necessary. For example:
Facing a surgery the recovery from which you know categorically will be very painful: with a big smile “Yep, I am going to be in a lot of pain, so that’s going to be fun!” (fun fact: psychological misery will not make the physical pain any less painful, so you might as well see the funny side) ← see link for additional benefits laughter can add to health-related quality of life)
Plan for the future with love
You know the whole “planting trees in whose shade you’ll never sit”, thing, but: actually for yourself too. Plan (and act!) now, out of love and compassion for your future self.
Simple example: preparing (or semi-preparing, if appropriate) breakfast for yourself the night before, when you know in the morning you’ll be tired, hungry, and/or pressed for time. You’ll wake up, remember that you did that, and…
Tip: at moments like that, take a moment to think “Thanks, past me”. (Or call yourself by your name, whatever works for you. For example I, your writer here, might say to myself “Thanks, past Nastja!”)
This helps to build a habit of gratitude for your past self and love for your future self.
This goes for little things like the above, but it also goes for things whereby there’s much longer-term delayed gratification, such as:
- Healthy lifestyle changes (usually these see slow, cumulative progress)
- Good financial strategies (usually these see slow, cumulative progress)
- Long educational courses (usually these see slow, cumulative progress)
Basically: pay it forward to your future self, and thank yourself later!
Some quick ideas of systems and apps that go hard on the “long slow cumulative progress” approach that you can look back on with pride:
- Noom—nutritional program with a psychology-based approach to help you attain and maintain your goals, long term
- You Need A Budget—we’ve recommended it before and we’ll recommend it again. This is so good. If you click through, you can see a short explanation of what makes it so different to other budgeting apps.
- Duolingo—the famously persistence-motivational language learning app
Share This Post
-
Anti-Inflammatory Cookbook for Beginners – by Melissa Jefferson
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
For some of us, avoiding inflammatory food is a particularly important consideration. For all of us, it should be anyway.
Sometimes, we know what’s good against inflammation, and we know what’s bad for inflammation… but we might struggle to come up with full meals of just-the-good, especially if we want to not repeat meals every day!
The subtitle is slightly misleading! It says “Countless Easy and Delicious Recipes”, but this depends on your counting ability. Melissa Jefferson gives us 150 anti-inflammatory recipes, which can be combined for a 12-week meal plan. We think that’s enough to at least call it “many”, though.
First comes an introduction to inflammation, inflammatory diseases, and a general overview of what to eat / what to avoid. After that, the main part of the book is divided into sections:
- Breakfasts (20)
- Soups (15)
- Beans & Grains (20)
- Meat (20)
- Fish (20)
- Vegetables (20)
- Sides (15)
- Snacks (10)
- Desserts (10)
If you’ve a knowledge of anti-inflammation diet already, you may be wondering how “Meat” and “Desserts” works.
- The meat section is a matter of going light on the meat and generally favoring white meats, and certainly unprocessed.
- Of course, if you are vegetarian or vegan, substitutions may be in order anyway.
As for the dessert section? A key factor is that fruits and chocolate are anti-inflammatory foods! Just a matter of not having desserts full of sugar, flour, etc.
The recipes themselves are simple and to-the-point, with ingredients, method, and nutritional values. Just the way we like it.
All in all, a fine addition to absolutely anyone’s kitchen library… And doubly so if you have a particular reason to focus on avoiding/reducing inflammation!
Get your copy of “Anti-Inflammatory Cookbook for Beginners” from Amazon today!
Share This Post
Related Posts
-
11 Things That Can Change Your Eye Color
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Eye color is generally considered so static that iris scans are considered a reasonable security method. However, it can indeed change—mostly for reasons you won’t want, though:
Ringing the changes
Putting aside any wishes of being a manga protagonist with violet eyes, here are the self-changing options:
- Aging in babies: babies are often born with lighter eyes, which can darken as melanocytes develop during the first few months of life. This is similar to how a small child’s blonde hair can often be much darker by the time puberty hits!
- Aging in adults: eyes may continue to darken until adulthood, while aging into the elderly years can cause them to lighten due to conditions like arcus senilis
- Horner’s syndrome: a nerve disorder that can cause the eyes to become lighter due to loss of pigment
- Fuchs heterochromic iridocyclitis: an inflammation of the iris that leads to lighter eyes over time
- Pigment dispersion syndrome: the iris rubs against eye fibers, leading to pigment loss and lighter eyes
- Kayser-Fleischer rings: excess copper deposits on the cornea, often due to Wilson’s disease, causing larger-than-usual brown or grayish rings around the iris
- Iris melanoma: a rare cancer that can darken the iris, often presenting as brown spots
- Cancer treatments: chemotherapy for retinoblastoma in children can result in lighter eye color and heterochromia
- Medications: prostaglandin-based glaucoma treatments can darken the iris, with up to 23% of patients seeing this effect
- Vitiligo: an autoimmune disorder that destroys melanocytes, mostly noticed in the skin, but also causing patchy loss of pigment in the iris
- Emotional and pupil size changes: emotions and trauma can affect pupil size, making eyes appear darker or lighter temporarily by altering how much of the iris is visible
For more about all these, and some notes about more voluntary changes (if you have certain kinds of eye surgery), enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Understanding And Slowing The Progression Of Cataracts
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
-
Proteins Of The Week
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
This week’s news round-up is, entirely by chance, somewhat protein-centric in one form or another. So, check out the bad, the very bad, the mostly good, the inconvenient, and the worst:
Mediterranean diet vs the menopause
Researchers looked at hundreds of women with an average age of 51, and took note of their dietary habits vs their menopause symptoms. Most of them were consuming soft drinks and red meat, and not good in terms of meeting the recommendations for key food groups including vegetables, legumes, fruit, fish and nuts, and there was an association between greater adherence to Mediterranean diet principles, and better health.
Read in full: Fewer soft drinks and less red meat may ease menopause symptoms: Study
Related: Four Ways To Upgrade The Mediterranean Diet
Listeria in meat
This one’s not a study, but it is relevant important news. The headline pretty much says it all, so if you don’t eat meat, this isn’t one you need to worry about any further than that. If you do eat meat, though, you might want to check out the below article to find out whether the meat you eat might be carrying listeria:
Read in full: Almost 10 million pounds of meat recalled due to Listeria danger
Related: Frozen/Thawed/Refrozen Meat: How Much Is Safety, And How Much Is Taste?
Brawn and brain?
A study looked at cognitively healthy older adults (of whom, 57% women), and found an association between their muscle strength and their psychological wellbeing. Note that when we said “cognitively healthy”, this means being free from dementia etc—not necessarily psychologically health in all respects, such as also being free from depression and enjoying good self-esteem.
Read in full: Study links muscle strength and mental health in older adults
Related: Staying Strong: Tips To Prevent Muscle Loss With Age
The protein that blocks bone formation
This one’s more clinical but definitely of interest to any with osteoporosis or at high risk of osteoporosis. Researchers identified a specific protein that blocks osteoblast function, thus more of this protein means less bone production. Currently, this is not something that we as individuals can do anything about at home, but it is promising for future osteoporosis meds development.
Read in full: Protein blocking bone development could hold clues for future osteoporosis treatment
Related: Which Osteoporosis Medication, If Any, Is Right For You?
Rabies risk
People associate rabies with “rabid dogs”, but the biggest rabies threat is actually bats, and they don’t even need to necessarily bite you to confer the disease (it suffices to have licked the skin, for instance—and bats are basically sky-puppies who will lick anything). Because rabies has a 100% fatality rate in unvaccinated humans, this is very serious. This means that if you wake up and there’s a bat in the house, it doesn’t matter if it hasn’t bitten anyone; get thee to a hospital (where you can get the vaccine before the disease takes hold; this will still be very unpleasant but you’ll probably survive so long as you get the vaccine in time).
Read in full: What to know about bats and rabies
Related: Dodging Dengue In The US ← much less serious than rabies, but still not to be trifled with—particularly noteworthy if you’re in an area currently affected by floodwaters or even just unusually heavy rain, by the way, as this will leave standing water in which mosquitos breed.
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
-
This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism – by Ashton Applewhite
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
It’s easy to think of ageism as being 80% “nobody will hire me because I am three years away from standard retirement age”, but it’s a lot more pervasive than that. And some of it, perhaps the most insidious, is the ageism that we can sometimes internalize without thinking it through.
10almonds readers love to avoid/reverse aging (and this reviewer is no different!), but it’s good once in a while to consider our priorities and motivations, for example:
- There is merit in being able to live without disability or discomfort
- There is harm in feeling a need to pass for younger than we are
And yet, even things such as disabilities are, Applewhite fairly argues, not to be feared. Absolutely avoided if reasonably possible of course, yes, but if they happen they happen and it’s good that we be able to make our peace with that, because most people have at least some kind of disability before the end, and can still strive to make the most of the precious gift that is life. The goal can and should be to play the hand we’re dealt and to live as well as we can—whatever that latter means for us personally.
Many people’s life satisfaction goes up in later years, and Applewhite hypothesizes that while some of that can be put down to circumstances (often no longer overwhelmed with work etc, often more financially stable), a lot is a matter of having come to terms with “losing” youth and no longer having that fear. Thus, a new, freer age of life begins.
The book does cover many other areas too, more than we can list here (but for example: ranging from pro/con brain differences to sex and intimacy), and the idea that long life is a team sport, and that we should not fall into the all-American trap of putting independence on a pedestal. Reports of how aging works with close-knit communities in the supercentenarian Blue Zones can be considered to quash this quite nicely, for instance.
The style is casual and entertaining, and yet peppered with scholarly citations, which stack up to 30 pages of references at the back.
Bottom line: getting older is a privilege that not everyone gets to have, so who are we to squander it? This book shares a vital sense of perspective, and is a call-to-arms for us all to do better, together.
Click here to check out This Chair Rocks, and indeed rock it!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
