When You “Can’t Complain”
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A Bone To Pick… Up And Then Put Back Where We Found It
In today’s Psychology Sunday feature, we’re going to be flipping the narrative on gratitude, by tackling it from the other end.
We have, by the way, written previously about gratitude, and what mistakes to avoid, in one of our pieces on positive psychology:
How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)
“Can’t complain”
Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and come on, who doesn’t like a challenge?) is to go 21 days without complaining (to anyone, including yourself, about anything). If you break your streak, that’s ok, just start again!
Why?
Complaining is (unsurprisingly) inversely correlated with happiness, in a self-perpetuating cycle:
Pet Peeves and Happiness: How Do Happy People Complain?
And if a stronger motivation is required, there’s a considerable inverse correlation between all-cause happiness and all-cause mortality, even when potential confounding factors (e.g., chronic health conditions, socioeconomic status, etc) are controlled for, and especially as we get older:
Investing in Happiness: The Gerontological Perspective
How?
You may have already formulated some objections by this point, for example:
- Am I supposed to tell my doctor/therapist “I’m fine thanks; how are you?”
- Some things are worthy of complaint; should I be silent?
But both of these issues (communication, and righteousness) have answers:
On communication:
There is a difference between complaining, and giving the necessary information in answer to a question—or even volunteering such information.
For example, when our site went down yesterday, some of you wrote to us to let us know the links weren’t working. There is a substantive difference (semantic, ontological, and teleological) between:
- ❝The content was great but the links in “you may have missed” did not work.❞ ← a genuine piece of feedback we received (thank you!)
- ❝Wasted my time, couldn’t read your articles! Unsubscribing, and I hope your socks get wet tomorrow!❞ ← nobody said this; our subscribers are lovely (thank you)
- Note that the former wasn’t a complaint, it was genuinely helpful feedback, without which we might not have noticed the problem and fixed it.
- The latter was a complaint, and also (like many complaints) didn’t even address the actual problem usefully.
What makes it a complaint or not is not the information conveyed, but the tone and intention. So for example:
“You’ve only done half the job I asked you to!” → “Thank you for doing the first half of this job, could you please do the other half now?”
Writer’s anecdote: my washing machine needs a part replaced; the part was ordered two weeks ago and I was told it would take a week to arrive. It’s been two weeks, so tomorrow I will not complain, but I will politely ask whether they have any information about the delay, and a new estimated time of arrival. Because you know what? Whatever the delay is, complaining won’t make it arrive last week!
On righteousness:
Indeed, some things are very worthy of complaint. But are you able to effect a solution by complaining? If not, then it’s just hot air. And venting isn’t without its own merits (we touched on the benefits of emotional catharsis recently), but that should be a mindful choice when you choose to do that, not a matter of reactivity.
Complaining is a subset of criticizing, and criticizing can be done without the feeling and intent of complaining. However, it too should definitely be measured and considered, responsive, not reactive. This itself could be the topic for another main feature, but for now, here’s a Psychology Today article that at least explains the distinction in more words than we have room for here:
React vs Respond: What’s the difference?
This, by the way, also goes the same for engaging in social and political discourse. It’s easy to get angry and reactive, but it’s good to take a moment to pick your battles, and by all means fight for what you believe in, and/but also do so responsively rather than reactively.
Not only will your health thank you, but you’re also more likely to “win friends and influence people” and all that!
What gets measured, gets done
Find a way of tracking your streak. There are apps for that, like this one, or you could find a low-tech method you prefer.
Bonus tip: if you do mess up and complain, and you realize as you’re doing it, take a moment to take a breath and correct yourself in the moment.
Take care!
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Learn to Age Gracefully
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Younger Next Year – by Chris Crowley & Dr. Henry Lodge
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Is it diet and exercise? Well, of course that’s a component. Specific kinds of exercise, too. But, as usual when we feature a book, there’s more:
In this case, strong throughout is the notion of life being a marathon not a sprint—and training for it accordingly.
Doing the things now that you’ll really wish you’d started doing sooner, and finding ways to build them into daily life.
Not just that, though! The authors take a holistic approach to life and health, and thus also cover work life, social life, and so forth. Now, you may be thinking “I’m already in the 80 and beyond category; I don’t work” and well, the authors advise that you do indeed work. You don’t have to revamp your career, but science strongly suggests that people who work longer, live longer.
Of course that doesn’t have to mean going full-throttle like a 20-year-old determined to make their mark on the world (you can if you want, though). It could be volunteering for a charity, or otherwise just finding a socially-engaging “work-like” activity that gives you purpose.
About the blend of motivational pep talk and science—this book is heavily weighted towards the former. It has, however, enough science to keep it on the right track throughout. Hence the two authors! Crowley for motivational pep, and Dr. Lodge for the science (with extra input from brain surgeon Dr. Hamilton, too).
Bottom line: if you want to feel the most prepared possible for the coming years and decades, this is a great book that covers a lot of bases.
Click here to check out “Younger Next Year” and get de-aging!
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Dry Needling for Meralgia Paresthetica?
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Could you address dry needling, who should administer it, and could it be a remedy for meralgia paresthetica? If not, could you speak to home-based remedies for meralgia paresthetica? Thank you?❞
We’ll need to take a main feature some time to answer this one fully, but we will say some quick things here:
- Dry needling, much like acupuncture, has been found to help with pain relief.
- Meralgia paresthetica, being a neuropathy, may benefit from some things that benefit people with peripheral neuropathy, such as lion’s mane mushroom. There is definitely not research to support this hypothesis yet though (so far as we could find anyway; there is plenty to support lion’s mane helping with nerve regeneration in general, but nothing specific for meralgia paresthetica).
Some previous articles you might enjoy meanwhile:
- Pinpointing The Usefulness Of Acupuncture
- Science-Based Alternative Pain Relief
- Peripheral Neuropathy: How To Avoid It, Manage It, Treat It
- What Does Lion’s Mane Actually Do, Anyway?
Take care!
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Delicious Quinoa Avocado Bread
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They’re gluten-free, full of protein and healthy fats, generous with the fiber, easy to make, and tasty too! What’s not to love? Keep this recipe (and its ingredients) handy for next time you want healthy burger buns or similar:
You will need
- 2½ cups quinoa flour
- 2 cups almond flour (if allergic, just substitute more quinoa flour)
- 1 avocado, peeled, pitted, and mashed
- zest and juice of 1 lime
- 2 tbsp ground flaxseed
- 1 tsp baking powder
- ½ tsp MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
- Optional: seeds, oats, or similar for topping the buns
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Preheat the oven to 350℉/175℃.
2) Mix the flaxseed with ⅓ cup warm water and set aside.
3) Mix, in a large bowl, the quinoa flour and almond flour with the baking powder and the MSG or salt.
4) Mix, in a separate smaller bowl, the avocado and lime.
5) Add the wet ingredients to the dry, slowly, adding an extra ½ cup water as you do, and knead into a dough.
6) Divide the dough into 4 equal portions, each shaped into a ball and then slightly flattened, to create a burger bun shape. If you’re going to add any seeds or similar as a topping, add those now.
7) Bake them in the oven (on a baking sheet lined with baking paper) for 20–25 minutes. You can check whether they’re done the same way you would a cake, by piercing them to the center with a toothpick and seeing whether it comes out clean.
8) Serve when sufficiently cooled.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Gluten: What’s The Truth?
- Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts!
- Monosodium Glutamate: Sinless Flavor-Enhancer Or Terrible Health Risk?
Take care!
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Related Posts
Rainbow Roasted Potato Salad
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This salad has potatoes in it, but it’s not a potato salad as most people know it. The potatoes are roasted, but in a non-oily-dressing, that nevertheless leaves them with an amazing texture—healthy and delicious; the best of both worlds. And the rest? We’ve got colorful vegetables, we’ve got protein, we’ve got seasonings full of healthy spices, and more.
You will need
- 1½ lbs new potatoes (or any waxy potatoes; sweet potato is also a great option; don’t peel them, whichever you choose) cut into 1″ chunks
- 1 can / 1 cup cooked cannellini beans (or your preferred salad beans)
- 1 carrot, grated
- 2 celery stalks, finely chopped
- 3 spring onions, finely chopped
- ½ small red onion, finely sliced
- 2 tbsp white wine vinegar
- 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
- 1 tbsp lemon juice
- 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1 tsp black pepper
- ½ tsp red chili powder
- We didn’t forget salt; it’s just that with the natural sodium content of the potatoes plus the savory flavor-enhancing properties of the nutritional yeast, it’s really not needed here. Add if you feel strongly about it, opting for low-sodium salt, or MSG (which has even less sodium).
- To serve: 1 cup basil pesto (we’ll do a recipe one of these days; meanwhile, store-bought is fine, or you can use the chermoula we made the other day, ignoring the rest of that day’s recipe and just making the chermoula component)
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Preheat the oven as hot as it goes!
2) Combine the potatoes, white wine vinegar, nutritional yeast, garlic powder, black pepper, and red chili powder, mixing thoroughly (but gently!) to coat.
3) Spread the potatoes on a baking tray, and roast in the middle of the oven (for best evenness of cooking); because of the small size of the potato chunks, this should only take about 25 minutes (±5mins depending on your oven); it’s good to turn them halfway through, or at least jiggle them if you don’t want to do all that turning.
4) Allow to cool while still on the baking tray (this allows the steam to escape immediately, rather than the steam steaming the other potatoes, as it would if you put them in a bowl).
5) Now put them in a serving bowl, and mix in the beans, vegetables, balsamic vinegar, and lemon juice, mixing thoroughly but gently
6) Add generous lashings of the pesto to serve; it should be gently mixed a little too, so that it’s not all on top.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- White Potato vs Sweet Potato – Which is Healthier?
- Eat More (Of This) For Lower Blood Pressure
- Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits?
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
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Learn to Age Gracefully
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Dopamine Nation – by Dr. Anna Lembke
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We live in an age of abundance, though it often doesn’t feel like it. Some of that is due to artificial scarcity, but a lot of it is due to effectively whiting out our dopamine circuitry through chronic overuse.
Psychiatrist Dr. Anna Lembke explores the neurophysiology of pleasure and pain, and how each can (and does) lead to the other. Is the answer to lead a life of extreme neutrality? Not quite.
Rather, simply by being more mindful of how we seek each (yes, both pleasure and pain), we can leverage our neurophysiology to live a better, healthier life—and break/avoid compulsive habits, while we’re at it.
That said, the book itself is quite compelling reading, but as Dr. Lembke shows us, that certainly doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Bottom line: if you sometimes find yourself restlessly cycling through the same few apps (or TV channels) looking for dopamine that you’re not going to find there, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out Dopamine Nation, and get a handle on yours!
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Get Fitter As You Go
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Dr. Jaime Seeman: Hard To Kill?
This is Dr. Jaime Seeman. She’s a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist with a background in nutrition, exercise, and health science. She’s also a Fellow in Integrative Medicine, and a board-certified nutrition specialist.
However, her biggest focus is preventative medicine.
What does she want us to know?
The Five Pillars of being “Hard to Kill”!
As an athlete when she was younger, she got away with poor nutrition habits with good exercise, but pregnancy (thrice) brought her poor thyroid function, other hormonal imbalances, and pre-diabetes.
So, she set about getting better—not something the general medical establishment focuses on a lot! Doctors are pressured to manage symptoms, but are under no expectation to actually help people get better.
So, what are her five pillars?
Nutrition
Dr. Seeman unsurprisingly recommends a whole-foods diet with lots of plants, but unlike many plant-enjoyers, she is also an enjoyer of the ketogenic diet.
While keto-enthusiasts say “carbs are bad” and vegans say “meat is bad”, the reality is: both of those things can be bad, and in both cases, avoiding the most harmful varieties is a very good first step:
Movement
This is in two parts:
- get your 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week
- keep your body mobile!
See also:
Sleep
This one’s quite straightforward, and Dr. Seeman uncontroversially recommends getting 7–9 hours per night; yes, even you:
Mindset
This is key to Dr. Seeman’s approach, and it is about not settling for average, because the average is undernourished, overmedicated, sedentary, and suffering.
She encourages us all to keep working for better health, wherever we’re at. To not “go gentle into that good night”, to get stronger whatever our age, to showcase increasingly robust vitality as we go.
To believe we can, and then to do it.
Environment
That previous item usually won’t last beyond a 10-day health-kick without the correct environment.
As for how to make sure we have that? Check out:
Want more?
She does offer coaching:
Hard To Kill Academy: Master The Mindset To Maximize Your Years
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails: