When You “Can’t Complain”

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A Bone To Pick… Up And Then Put Back Where We Found It

In today’s Psychology Sunday feature, we’re going to be flipping the narrative on gratitude, by tackling it from the other end.

We have, by the way, written previously about gratitude, and what mistakes to avoid, in one of our pieces on positive psychology:

How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)

“Can’t complain”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and come on, who doesn’t like a challenge?) is to go 21 days without complaining (to anyone, including yourself, about anything). If you break your streak, that’s ok, just start again!

Why?

Complaining is (unsurprisingly) inversely correlated with happiness, in a self-perpetuating cycle:

Pet Peeves and Happiness: How Do Happy People Complain?

And if a stronger motivation is required, there’s a considerable inverse correlation between all-cause happiness and all-cause mortality, even when potential confounding factors (e.g., chronic health conditions, socioeconomic status, etc) are controlled for, and especially as we get older:

Investing in Happiness: The Gerontological Perspective

How?

You may have already formulated some objections by this point, for example:

  • Am I supposed to tell my doctor/therapist “I’m fine thanks; how are you?”
  • Some things are worthy of complaint; should I be silent?

But both of these issues (communication, and righteousness) have answers:

On communication:

There is a difference between complaining, and giving the necessary information in answer to a question—or even volunteering such information.

For example, when our site went down yesterday, some of you wrote to us to let us know the links weren’t working. There is a substantive difference (semantic, ontological, and teleological) between:

  • The content was great but the links in “you may have missed” did not work.❞ ← a genuine piece of feedback we received (thank you!)
  • Wasted my time, couldn’t read your articles! Unsubscribing, and I hope your socks get wet tomorrow! ← nobody said this; our subscribers are lovely (thank you)
  • Note that the former wasn’t a complaint, it was genuinely helpful feedback, without which we might not have noticed the problem and fixed it.
  • The latter was a complaint, and also (like many complaints) didn’t even address the actual problem usefully.

What makes it a complaint or not is not the information conveyed, but the tone and intention. So for example:

“You’ve only done half the job I asked you to!” → “Thank you for doing the first half of this job, could you please do the other half now?”

Writer’s anecdote: my washing machine needs a part replaced; the part was ordered two weeks ago and I was told it would take a week to arrive. It’s been two weeks, so tomorrow I will not complain, but I will politely ask whether they have any information about the delay, and a new estimated time of arrival. Because you know what? Whatever the delay is, complaining won’t make it arrive last week!

On righteousness:

Indeed, some things are very worthy of complaint. But are you able to effect a solution by complaining? If not, then it’s just hot air. And venting isn’t without its own merits (we touched on the benefits of emotional catharsis recently), but that should be a mindful choice when you choose to do that, not a matter of reactivity.

Complaining is a subset of criticizing, and criticizing can be done without the feeling and intent of complaining. However, it too should definitely be measured and considered, responsive, not reactive. This itself could be the topic for another main feature, but for now, here’s a Psychology Today article that at least explains the distinction in more words than we have room for here:

React vs Respond: What’s the difference?

This, by the way, also goes the same for engaging in social and political discourse. It’s easy to get angry and reactive, but it’s good to take a moment to pick your battles, and by all means fight for what you believe in, and/but also do so responsively rather than reactively.

Not only will your health thank you, but you’re also more likely to “win friends and influence people” and all that!

What gets measured, gets done

Find a way of tracking your streak. There are apps for that, like this one, or you could find a low-tech method you prefer.

Bonus tip: if you do mess up and complain, and you realize as you’re doing it, take a moment to take a breath and correct yourself in the moment.

Take care!

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  • 8 Critical Signs Of Blood Clots That You Shouldn’t Ignore

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Blood clots can form as part of deep vein thrombosis or for other reasons; wherever they form (unless they are just doing their job healing a wound) they can cause problems. But how to know what’s going on inside our body?

    Telltale signs

    Our usual medical/legal disclaimer applies here, and we are not doctors, let alone your doctors, and even if we were we couldn’t diagnose from afar… But for educational purposes, here are the eight signs from the video:

    • Swelling: especially if only on one leg (assuming you have no injury to account for it), which may feel tight and uncomfortable
    • Warmness: does the area warmer to the touch? This may be because of the body’s inflammatory response trying to deal with a blood clot
    • Tenderness: again, caused by the inflammation in response to the clot
    • Discolored skin: it could be reddish, or bruise-like. This could be patchy or spread over a larger area, because of a clot blocking the flow of blood
    • Shortness of breath: if a clot makes it to the lungs, it can cause extra problems there (pulmonary embolism), and shortness of breath is the first sign of this
    • Coughing up blood: less common than the above but a much more serious sign; get thee to a hospital
    • Chest pain: a sharp or stabbing pain, in particular. The pain may worsen with deep breaths or coughing. Again, seek medical attention.

    For more on recognizing these signs (including helpful visuals), and more on what to do about them and how to avoid them in the first place, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Further reading

    You might like to read:

    Dietary Changes for Artery Health

    Take care!

    Share This Post

  • The Uses of Delusion – by Dr. Stuart Vyse

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Most of us try to live rational lives. We try to make the best decisions we can based on the information we have… And if we’re thoughtful, we even try to be aware of common logical fallacies, and overcome our personal biases too. But is self-delusion ever useful?

    Dr. Stuart Vyse, psychologist and Fellow for the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, argues that it can be.

    From self-fulfilling prophecies of optimism and pessimism, to the role of delusion in love and loss, Dr. Vyse explores what separates useful delusion from dangerous irrationality.

    We also read about such questions as (and proposed answers to):

    • Why is placebo effect stronger if we attach a ritual to it?
    • Why are negative superstitions harder to shake than positive ones?
    • Why do we tend to hold to the notion of free will, despite so much evidence for determinism?

    The style of the book is conversational, and captivating from the start; a highly compelling read.

    Bottom line: if you’ve ever felt yourself wondering if you are deluding yourself and if so, whether that’s useful or counterproductive, this is the book for you!

    Click here to check out The Uses of Delusion, and optimize yours!

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  • Gentler Hair Health Options

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Hair, Gently

    We have previously talked about the medicinal options for combatting the thinning hair that comes with age especially for men, but also for a lot of women. You can read about those medicinal options here:

    Hair-Loss Remedies, By Science

    We also did a whole supplement spotlight research review for saw palmetto! You can read about how that might help you keep your hair present and correct, here:

    One Man’s Saw Palmetto Is Another Woman’s Serenoa Repens

    Today we’re going to talk options that are less “heavy guns”, and/but still very useful.

    Supplementation

    First, the obvious. Taking vitamins and minerals, especially biotin, can help a lot. This writer takes 10,000µg (that’s micrograms, not milligrams!) biotin gummies, similar to this example product on Amazon (except mine also has other vitamins and minerals in, but the exact product doesn’t seem to be available on Amazon).

    When thinking “what vitamins and minerals help hair?”, honestly, it’s most of them. So, focus on the ones that count for the most (usually: biotin and zinc), and then cover your bases for the rest with good diet and additional supplementation if you wish.

    Caffeine (topical)

    It may feel silly, giving one’s hair a stimulant, but topical caffeine application really does work to stimulate hair growth. And not “just a little help”, either:

    ❝Specifically, 0.2% topical caffeine-based solutions are typically safe with very minimal adverse effects for long-term treatment of AGA, and they are not inferior to topical 5% minoxidil therapy❞

    ~ Dr. Bajoria et al.

    (AGA = Androgenic Alopecia)

    Read more: Comparing Current Therapeutic Modalities of Androgenic Alopecia: A Literature Review of Clinical Trials

    Argan oil

    As with coconut oil, argan oil is great on hair. It won’t do a thing to improve hair growth or decrease hair shedding, but it will help you hair stay moisturized and thus reduce breakage—thus, may not be relevant for everyone, but for those of us with hair long enough to brush, it’s important.

    Bonus: get an argan oil based hair serum that also contains keratin (the protein used to make hair), as this helps strengthen the hair too.

    Here’s an example product on Amazon

    Silk pillowcases

    Or a silk hair bonnet to sleep in! They both do the same thing, which is prevent damaging the hair in one’s sleep by reducing the friction that it may have when moving/turning against the pillow in one’s sleep.

    • Pros of the bonnet: if you have lots of hair and a partner in bed with you, your hair need not be in their face, and you also won’t get it caught under you or them.
    • Pros of the pillowcase: you don’t have to wear a bonnet

    Both are also used widely by people without hair loss issues, but with easily damaged and/or tangled hair—Black people especially with 3C or tighter curls in particular often benefit from this. Other people whose hair is curly and/or gray also stand to gain a lot.

    Here are Amazon example products of a silk pillowcase (it’s expensive, but worth it) and a silk bonnet, respectively

    Want to read more?

    You might like this article:

    From straight to curly, thick to thin: here’s how hormones and chemotherapy can change your hair

    Take care!

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  • The Blood Sugar Solution – by Dr. Mark Hyman

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    The main purpose of this book is combating metabolic disease, the amalgam of what’s often prediabetes (sometimes fully-fledged diabetes) and cardiovascular disease (sometimes fully-fledged heart disease).

    To achieve this (after an introductory section explaining what the sociomedical problems are and why the sociomedical problems are happening), he offers a seven-step program; we’ll not keep those steps a mystery; they are:

    1. Boost your nutrition
    2. Regulate your hormones
    3. Reduce inflammation
    4. Improve your digestion
    5. Maximize detoxification
    6. Enhance energy metabolism
    7. Soothe your mind

    Thereafter, it’s all about leading the reader by the hand through the steps; he also offers a six-week action plan, and a six-week meal plan with recipes.

    The style is very sensationalist (too sensationalist for this reviewer’s personal taste) but nevertheless backed up with hard science when it comes to hard claims. So, if you don’t mind wading through (or skipping) some early chapters that are a bit “used car salesman” in feel, there’s actually a lot of good information, especially in the middle of the book, and useful practical guides in the middle and end.

    Bottom line: if you want a good comprehensive science-based practical guide to addressing the risk of metabolic disease, this is that.

    Click here to check out The Blood Sugar Solution, and look after yours!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • International Day of Women and Girls in Science

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Today is the International Day of Women and Girls in Science, so we’ve got a bunch of content for the ladies out there. Let’s start with the statement Sima Bahous (the Executive Director of UN Women) made:

    ❝This year, the sixty-seventh session of the Commission on the Status of Women (CSW67) will consider as its priority theme “Innovation and technological change, and education in the digital age for achieving gender equality and the empowerment of all women and girls”.

    This is an unprecedented opportunity for the Commission to develop a definitive agenda for progress towards women’s full and equal participation and representation in STEM. Its implementation will require bold, coordinated, multi-stakeholder action.❞

    Read Her Full Statement Here!

    Here at 10almonds, we are just one newsletter, and maybe we can’t change the world (…yet), but we’re all for this!

    We’re certainly all in favour of education in the digital age, and more of our subscribers are women and girls than not (highest of fives from your writer today, also a woman—and I do bring most of the sciency content).

    Medical News Today asks “Why Are Women Less Likely To Survive Cardiac Arrest Than Men?”

    You can read the full article here, but the short version is:

    • People (bystanders and EMS professionals alike!) are less likely to intervene to give CPR when the patient is a woman (we appreciate that “your hands on an unknown woman’s chest” is a social taboo, but there’s a time and a place!)
    • People trained to give CPR (volunteers or professionals!) are often less confident about how to do so with female anatomy—training is almost entirely on “male” dummies.

    A quick take-away from this is: to give effective CPR, you need to be giving two-inch compressions!

    On a side note, do you want to learn how to correctly do chest compressions on female anatomy? This short (1:55) video could save a woman’s life!

    As a science-based health and productivity newsletter, we make no apologies if occasional issues sometimes have a slant to women’s health! Heaven help us, the bias in science at large is certainly the opposite:

    The list of examples is far too long for us to include here, but two that spring immediately to mind are:

    Maybe if women in STEM weren’t on the receiving end of rampant systemic misogyny, we’d have more women in science, and some answers by now!

    ❗️NOT-SO-FUN FACT:

    Women make up only 28% of the workforce in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM), and men vastly outnumber women majoring in most STEM fields in college. The gender gaps are particularly high in some of the fastest-growing and highest-paid jobs of the future, like computer science and engineering.

    Source: AAUW

    The US census suggests change is happening, but is a very long way from equality!

    WHAT OUR SUBSCRIBERS SAY:

    ❝Women are slowly gaining more of a place in academia, and slowly making more of a difference when they get there, and start doing research that reflects ourselves. But I still think that it’s a struggle to get there, and it’s a struggle to be heard and be respected.

    It’s a matter of pride, it’s a matter of proving yourself, being in STEM, and [women in STEM] still report being extremely disrespected, not taken seriously all, despite being very very good.

    It’s worth noting as well, that we’ve had women in STEM for a while and there are so many things we appreciate nowadays that they were a part of, but they were never given credit for—it’s still a problem today and something we need to more actively fight.❞

    Isabella F. Lima, Occupational Psychologist

    Are you a woman in STEM, and have a story to tell? We’d love to hear it! Just reply to this email 🙂

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  • 4 things ancient Greeks and Romans got right about mental health

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    According to the World Health Organization, about 280 million people worldwide have depression and about one billion have a mental health problem of any kind.

    People living in the ancient world also had mental health problems. So, how did they deal with them?

    As we’ll see, some of their insights about mental health are still relevant today, even though we might question some of their methods.

    Jr Morty/Shutterstock

    1. Our mental state is important

    Mental health problems such as depression were familiar to people in the ancient world. Homer, the poet famous for the Iliad and Odyssey who lived around the eighth century BC, apparently died after wasting away from depression.

    Already in the late fifth century BC, ancient Greek doctors recognised that our health partly depends on the state of our thoughts.

    In the Epidemics, a medical text written in around 400BC, an anonymous doctor wrote that our habits about our thinking (as well as our lifestyle, clothing and housing, physical activity and sex) are the main determinants of our health.

    Bronze statue of Homer on Greek island of IOS
    Homer, the ancient Greek poet, had depression. Thirasia/Shutterstock

    2. Mental health problems can make us ill

    Also writing in the Epidemics, an anonymous doctor described one of his patients, Parmeniscus, whose mental state became so bad he grew delirious, and eventually could not speak. He stayed in bed for 14 days before he was cured. We’re not told how.

    Later, the famous doctor Galen of Pergamum (129-216AD) observed that people often become sick because of a bad mental state:

    It may be that under certain circumstances ‘thinking’ is one of the causes that bring about health or disease because people who get angry about everything and become confused, distressed and frightened for the slightest reason often fall ill for this reason and have a hard time getting over these illnesses.

    Galen also described some of his patients who suffered with their mental health, including some who became seriously ill and died. One man had lost money:

    He developed a fever that stayed with him for a long time. In his sleep he scolded himself for his loss, regretted it and was agitated until he woke up. While he was awake he continued to waste away from grief. He then became delirious and developed brain fever. He finally fell into a delirium that was obvious from what he said, and he remained in this state until he died.

    3. Mental illness can be prevented and treated

    In the ancient world, people had many different ways to prevent or treat mental illness.

    The philosopher Aristippus, who lived in the fifth century BC, used to advise people to focus on the present to avoid mental disturbance:

    concentrate one’s mind on the day, and indeed on that part of the day in which one is acting or thinking. Only the present belongs to us, not the past nor what is anticipated. The former has ceased to exist, and it is uncertain if the latter will exist.

    The philosopher Clinias, who lived in the fourth century BC, said that whenever he realised he was becoming angry, he would go and play music on his lyre to calm himself.

    Doctors had their own approaches to dealing with mental health problems. Many recommended patients change their lifestyles to adjust their mental states. They advised people to take up a new regime of exercise, adopt a different diet, go travelling by sea, listen to the lectures of philosophers, play games (such as draughts/checkers), and do mental exercises equivalent to the modern crossword or sudoku.

    Galen, the physician
    Galen, a famous doctor, believed mental problems were caused by some idea that had taken hold of the mind. Pierre Roche Vigneron/Wikimedia

    For instance, the physician Caelius Aurelianus (fifth century AD) thought patients suffering from insanity could benefit from a varied diet including fruit and mild wine.

    Doctors also advised people to take plant-based medications. For example, the herb hellebore was given to people suffering from paranoia. However, ancient doctors recognised that hellebore could be dangerous as it sometimes induced toxic spasms, killing patients.

    Other doctors, such as Galen, had a slightly different view. He believed mental problems were caused by some idea that had taken hold of the mind. He believed mental problems could be cured if this idea was removed from the mind and wrote:

    a person whose illness is caused by thinking is only cured by taking care of the false idea that has taken over his mind, not by foods, drinks, [clothing, housing], baths, walking and other such (measures).

    Galen thought it was best to deflect his patients’ thoughts away from these false ideas by putting new ideas and emotions in their minds:

    I put fear of losing money, political intrigue, drinking poison or other such things in the hearts of others to deflect their thoughts to these things […] In others one should arouse indignation about an injustice, love of rivalry, and the desire to beat others depending on each person’s interest.

    4. Addressing mental health needs effort

    Generally speaking, the ancients believed keeping our mental state healthy required effort. If we were anxious or angry or despondent, then we needed to do something that brought us the opposite of those emotions.

    De Morbis acutis et Chronicis by Caelius Aurelianus
    Watch some comedy, said physician Caelius Aurelianus. VCU Tompkins-McCaw Library/Flickr, CC BY-NC-SA

    This can be achieved, they thought, by doing some activity that directly countered the emotions we are experiencing.

    For example, Caelius Aurelianus said people suffering from depression should do activities that caused them to laugh and be happy, such as going to see a comedy at the theatre.

    However, the ancients did not believe any single activity was enough to make our mental state become healthy. The important thing was to make a wholesale change to one’s way of living and thinking.

    When it comes to experiencing mental health problems, we clearly have a lot in common with our ancient ancestors. Much of what they said seems as relevant now as it did 2,000 years ago, even if we use different methods and medicines today.


    If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

    Konstantine Panegyres, McKenzie Postdoctoral Fellow, researching Greco-Roman antiquity, The University of Melbourne

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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