Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents – by Dr. Lindsay Gibson

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Not everyone had the best of parents, and the harm done can last well beyond childhood. This book looks at healing that.

Dr. Gibson talks about four main kinds of “difficult” parents, though of course they can overlap:

  1. The emotional parent, with their unpredictable outbursts
  2. The driven parent, with their projected perfectionism
  3. The passive parent, with their disinterest and unreliability
  4. The rejecting parent, with their unavailability and insults

For all of them, it’s common that nothing we could do was ever good enough, and that leaves a deep scar. To add to it, the unfavorable dynamic often persists in adult life, assuming everyone involved is still alive and in contact.

So, what to do about it? Dr. Gibson advocates for first getting a good understanding of what wasn’t right/normal/healthy, because it’s easy for a lot of us to normalize the only thing we’ve ever known. Then, beyond merely noting that no child deserved that lack of compassion, moving on to pick up the broken pieces one by one, and address each in turn.

The style of the book is anecdote-heavy (case studies, either anonymized or synthesized per common patterns) in a way that will probably be all-too-relatable to a lot of readers (assuming that if you buy this book, it’s for a reason), science-moderate (references peppered into the text; three pages of bibliography), and practicality-dense—that is to say, there are lots of clear usable examples, there are self-assessment questionnaires, there are worksheets for now making progress forward, and so forth.

Bottom line: if one or more of the parent types above strikes a chord with you, there’s a good chance you could benefit from this book.

Click here to check out Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and rebuild yourself!

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    Facing mortality and managing grief: a guide to navigating life after the loss of a loved one, including the complexities of love and remarrying as a widow.

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  • What is a virtual emergency department? And when should you ‘visit’ one?

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    For many Australians the emergency department (ED) is the physical and emblematic front door to accessing urgent health-care services.

    But health-care services are evolving rapidly to meet the population’s changing needs. In recent years, we’ve seen growing use of telephone, video, and online health services, including the national healthdirect helpline, 13YARN (a crisis support service for First Nations people), state-funded lines like 13 HEALTH, and bulk-billed telehealth services, which have helped millions of Australians to access health care on demand and from home.

    The ED is similarly expanding into new telehealth models to improve access to emergency medical care. Virtual EDs allow people to access the expertise of a hospital ED through their phone, computer or tablet.

    All Australian states and the Northern Territory have some form of virtual ED at least in development, although not all of these services are available to the general public at this stage.

    So what is a virtual ED, and when is it appropriate to consider using one?

    Shutterstock/Nils Versemann

    How does a virtual ED work?

    A virtual ED is set up to mirror the way you would enter the physical ED front door. First you provide some basic information to administration staff, then you are triaged by a nurse (this means they categorise the level of urgency of your case), then you see the ED doctor. Generally, this all takes place in a single video call.

    In some instances, virtual ED clinicians may consult with other specialists such as neurologists, cardiologists or trauma experts to make clinical decisions.

    A virtual ED is not suitable for managing medical emergencies which would require immediate resuscitation, or potentially serious chest pains, difficulty breathing or severe injuries.

    A virtual ED is best suited to conditions that require immediate attention but are not life-threatening. These could include wounds, sprains, respiratory illnesses, allergic reactions, rashes, bites, pain, infections, minor burns, children with fevers, gastroenteritis, vertigo, high blood pressure, and many more.

    People with these sorts of conditions and concerns may not be able to get in to see a GP straight away and may feel they need emergency advice, care or treatment.

    When attending the ED, they can be subject to long wait times and delayed specialist attention because more serious cases are naturally prioritised. Attending a virtual ED may mean they’re seen by a doctor more quickly, and can begin any relevant treatment sooner.

    From the perspective of the health-care system, virtual EDs are about redirecting unnecessary presentations away from physical EDs, helping them be ready to respond to emergencies. The virtual ED will not hesitate in directing callers to come into the physical ED if staff believe it is an emergency.

    The doctor in the virtual ED may also direct the patient to a GP or other health professional, for example if their condition can’t be assessed visually, or if they need physical treatment.

    The results so far

    Virtual EDs have developed significantly over the past three years, predominantly driven by the COVID pandemic. We are now starting to slowly see assessments of these services.

    A recent evaluation my colleagues and I did of Queensland’s Metro North Virtual ED found roughly 30% of calls were directed to the physical ED. This suggests 70% of the time, cases could be managed effectively by the virtual ED.

    Preliminary data from a Victorian virtual ED indicates it curbed a similar rate of avoidable ED presentations – 72% of patients were successfully managed by the virtual ED alone. A study on the cost-effectiveness of another Victorian virtual ED suggested it has the potential to generate savings in health-care costs if it prevents physical ED visits.

    Only 1.2% of people assessed in Queensland’s Metro North Virtual ED required unexpected hospital admission within 48 hours of being “discharged” from the virtual ED. None of these cases were life-threatening. This indicates the virtual ED is very safe.

    The service experienced an average growth rate of 65% each month over a two-year evaluation period, highlighting increasing demand and confidence in the service. Surveys suggested clinicians also view the virtual ED positively.

    yellow hard hat on ground. people are nearby sitting on ground after an accident
    The right advice could tell you whether you need to visit hospital in person or not. 1st footage/Shutterstock

    What now?

    We need further research into patient outcomes and satisfaction, as well as the demographics of those using virtual EDs, and how these measures compare to the physical ED across different triage categories.

    There are also challenges associated with virtual EDs, including around technology (connection and skills among patients and health professionals), training (for health professionals) and the importance of maintaining security and privacy.

    Nonetheless, these services have the potential to reduce congestion in physical EDs, and offer greater convenience for patients.

    Eligibility differs between different programs, so if you want to use a virtual ED, you may need to check you are eligible in your jurisdiction. Most virtual EDs can be accessed online, and some have direct phone numbers.

    Jaimon Kelly, Senior Research Fellow in Telehealth delivered health services, The University of Queensland

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Staying Healthy and Active After 60

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    Questions and Answers at 10almonds

    Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!

    This newsletter has been growing a lot lately, and so have the questions/requests, and we love that! In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    Q: How to be your best self after 60: Self motivation / Avoiding or limiting salt, sugar & alcohol: Alternatives / Ways to sneak in more movements/exercise

    …and, from a different subscriber…

    Q: Inflammation & over 60 weight loss. Thanks!

    Here are some of our greatest hits on those topics:

    Also, while we’ve recommended a couple of books on stopping (or reducing) drinking, we’ve not done a main feature on that, so we definitely will one of these days!

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  • Behind Book Recommendations

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day!

    Each Thursday, we respond to subscriber questions and requests! If it’s something small, we’ll answer it directly; if it’s something bigger, we’ll do a main feature in a follow-up day instead!

    So, no question/request to big or small; they’ll just get sorted accordingly

    Remember, you can always hit reply to any of our emails, or use the handy feedback widget at the bottom. We always look forward to hearing from you!

    Q: What’s the process behind the books you recommend? You seem to have a limitless stream of recommendations

    We do our best!

    The books we recommend are books that…

    • are on Amazon—it makes things tidy, consistent, and accessible. And if you end up buying one of the books, we get a small affiliate commission*.
    • we have read—we would say “obviously”, but you might be surprised how many people write about books without having read them.
    • pertain in at least large part to health and/or productivity.
    • are written by humans—bookish people (and especially Kindle Unlimited users) may have noticed lately that there are a lot of low quality AI-written books flooding the market, sometimes with paid 5-star reviews to bolster them. It’s frustrating, but we can tell the difference and screen those out.
    • are of a certain level of quality. They don’t have to be “top 5 desert-island books”, because well, there’s one every day and the days keep coming. But they do have to genuinely deliver the value that we describe, and merit a sincere recommendation.
    • are varied—we try to not give a run of “samey” books one after another. We will sometimes review a book that covers a topic another previously-reviewed book did, but it must have something about it that makes it different. It may be a different angle or a different writing style, but it needs something to set it apart.

    *this is from Amazon and isn’t product-specific, so this is not affecting our choice of what books to review at all—just that they will be books that are available on Amazon.

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Related Posts

  • This Book May Save Your Life – by Dr. Karan Rajan
  • Alzheimer’s Causative Factors To Avoid

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    The Best Brains Bar Nun?

    This is Dr. David Snowdon. He’s an epidemiologist, and one of the world’s foremost experts on Alzheimer’s disease. He was also, most famously, the lead researcher of what has become known as “The Nun Study”.

    We recently reviewed his book about this study:

    Aging with Grace: What the Nun Study Teaches Us About Leading Longer, Healthier, and More Meaningful Lives – by Dr. David Snowdon

    …which we definitely encourage you to check out, but we’ll do our best to summarize its key points today!

    Reassurance up-front: no, you don’t have to become a nun

    The Nun Study

    In 1991, a large number (678) of nuns were recruited for what was to be (and until now, remains) the largest study of its kind into the impact of a wide variety of factors on aging, and in particular, Alzheimer’s disease.

    Why it was so important: because the nuns were all from the same Order, had the same occupation (it’s a teaching Order), with very similar lifestyles, schedules, socioeconomic status, general background, access to healthcare, similar diets, same relationship status (celibate), same sex (female), and many other factors also similar, this meant that most of the confounding variables that confound other studies were already controlled-for here.

    Enrollment in the study also required consenting to donating one’s brain for study post-mortem—and of those who have since died, indeed 98% of them have been donated (the other 2%, we presume, may have run into technical administrative issues with the donation process, due to the circumstances of death and/or delays in processing the donation).

    How the study was undertaken

    We don’t have enough space to describe the entire methodology here, but the gist of it is:

    • Genetic testing for relevant genetic factors
    • Data gathered about lives so far, including not just medical records but also autobiographies that the nuns wrote when they took their vows (at ages 19–21)
    • Extensive ongoing personal interviews about habits, life choices, and attitudes
    • Yearly evaluations including memory tests and physical function tests
    • Brain donation upon death

    What they found

    Technically, The Nun Study is still ongoing. Of the original 678 nuns (aged 75–106), three are still alive (based on the latest report, at least).

    However, lots of results have already been gained, including…

    Genes

    A year into the study, in 1992, the “apolipoprotein E” (APOE) gene was established as a likely causative factor in Alzheimer’s disease. This is probably not new to our readers in 2024, but there are interesting things being learned even now, for example:

    The Alzheimer’s Gene That Varies By Race & Sex

    …but watch out! Because also:

    Alzheimer’s Sex Differences May Not Be What They Appear

    Words

    Based on the autobiographies written by the nuns in their youth upon taking their vows, there were two factors that were later correlated with not getting dementia:

    • Longer sentences
    • Positive outlook
    • “Idea density”

    That latter item means the relative linguistic density of ideas and complexity thereof, and the fluency and vivacity with which they were expressed (this was not a wishy-washy assessment; there was a hard-science analysis to determine numbers).

    Want to spruce up yours? You might like to check out:

    Reading, Better: Reading As A Cognitive Exercise

    …for specific, evidence-based ways to tweak your reading to fight cognitive decline.

    Food

    While the dietary habits of the nuns were fairly homogenous, those who favored eating more and cooked greens, beans, and tomatoes, lived longer and with healthier brains.

    See also: Brain Food? The Eyes Have It!

    Other aspects of brain health & mental health

    The study also found that nuns who avoided stroke and depression, were also less likely to get dementia.

    For tending to these, check out:

    Community & Faith

    Obviously, in this matter the nuns were quite a homogenous group, scoring heavily in community and faith. What’s relevant here is the difference between the nuns, and other epidemiological studies in other groups (invariably not scoring so highly).

    Community & faith are considered, separately and together, to be protective factors against dementia.

    Faith may be something that “you have it or you don’t” (we’re a health science newsletter, not a theological publication, but for the interested, philosopher John Stuart Mill’s 1859 essay “On Liberty“ makes a good argument for it not being something one can choose, prompting him to argue for religious tolerance, on the grounds that religious coercion is a futile effort precisely because a person cannot choose to dis/believe something)

    …but community can definitely be chosen, nurtured, and grown. We’ve written about this a bit before:

    You might also like to check out this great book on the topic:

    Purpose: Design A Community And Change Your Life – by Gina Bianchini

    Want more?

    We gave a ground-up primer on avoiding Alzheimer’s and other dementias; check it out:

    How To Reduce Your Alzheimer’s Risk

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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    Learn to Age Gracefully

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  • Aging Backwards – by Miranda Esmonde-White

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    In this book, there’s an upside and a downside to the author’s professional background:

    • Upside: Miranda Esmonde-White is a ballet-dancer-turned-physical-trainer, and it shows
    • Downside: Miranda Esmonde-White is not a scientist, and it shows

    She cites a lot of science, but she either does not understand it or else intentionally misrepresents it. We will assume the former. But as one example, she claims:

    “for every minute you exercise, you lengthen your life by 7 minutes”

    …which cheat code to immortality is absolutely not backed-up by the paper she cites for it. The paper, like most papers, was much more measured in its proclamations; “there was an association” and “with these conditions”, etc.

    Nevertheless, while she misunderstands lots of science along the way, her actual advice is good and sound. Her workout programs really will help people to become younger by various (important, life-changing!) metrics of biological age, mostly pertaining to mobility.

    And yes, this is a workout-based approach; we won’t read much about diet and other lifestyle factors here.

    Bottom line: it has its flaws, but nevertheless delivers on its premise of helping the reader to become biologically younger through exercises, mostly mobility drills.

    Click here to check out Aging Backwards, and age backwards!

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  • Yes, adults can develop food allergies. Here are 4 types you need to know about

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    If you didn’t have food allergies as a child, is it possible to develop them as an adult? The short answer is yes. But the reasons why are much more complicated.

    Preschoolers are about four times more likely to have a food allergy than adults and are more likely to grow out of it as they get older.

    It’s hard to get accurate figures on adult food allergy prevalence. The Australian National Allergy Council reports one in 50 adults have food allergies. But a US survey suggested as many as one in ten adults were allergic to at least one food, with some developing allergies in adulthood.

    What is a food allergy

    Food allergies are immune reactions involving immunoglobulin E (IgE) – an antibody that’s central to triggering allergic responses. These are known as “IgE-mediated food allergies”.

    Food allergy symptoms that are not mediated by IgE are usually delayed reactions and called food intolerances or hypersensitivity.

    Food allergy symptoms can include hives, swelling, difficulty swallowing, vomiting, throat or chest tightening, trouble breathing, chest pain, rapid heart rate, dizziness, low blood pressure or anaphylaxis.

    Hives
    Symptoms include hives. wisely/Shutterstock

    IgE-mediated food allergies can be life threatening, so all adults need an action management plan developed in consultation with their medical team.

    Here are four IgE-mediated food allergies that can occur in adults – from relatively common ones to rare allergies you’ve probably never heard of.

    1. Single food allergies

    The most common IgE-mediated food allergies in adults in a US survey were to:

    • shellfish (2.9%)
    • cow’s milk (1.9%)
    • peanut (1.8%)
    • tree nuts (1.2%)
    • fin fish (0.9%) like barramundi, snapper, salmon, cod and perch.

    In these adults, about 45% reported reacting to multiple foods.

    This compares to most common childhood food allergies: cow’s milk, egg, peanut and soy.

    Overall, adult food allergy prevalence appears to be increasing. Compared to older surveys published in 2003 and 2004, peanut allergy prevalence has increased about three-fold (from 0.6%), while tree nuts and fin fish roughly doubled (from 0.5% each), with shellfish similar (2.5%).

    While new adult-onset food allergies are increasing, childhood-onset food allergies are also more likely to be retained into adulthood. Possible reasons for both include low vitamin D status, lack of immune system challenges due to being overly “clean”, heightened sensitisation due to allergen avoidance, and more frequent antibiotic use.

    Woman holds coffee and pastry
    Some adults develop allergies to cow’s milk, while others retain their allergy from childhood. Sarah Swinton/Unsplash

    2. Tick-meat allergy

    Tick-meat allergy, also called α-Gal syndrome or mammalian meat allergy, is an allergic reaction to galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose, or α-Gal for short.

    Australian immunologists first reported links between α-Gal syndrome and tick bites in 2009, with cases also reported in the United States, Japan, Europe and South Africa. The US Centers for Disease Control estimates about 450,000 Americans could be affected.

    The α-Gal contains a carbohydrate molecule that is bound to a protein molecule in mammals.

    The IgE-mediated allergy is triggered after repeated bites from ticks or chigger mites that have bitten those mammals. When tick saliva crosses into your body through the bite, antibodies to α-Gal are produced.

    When you subsequently eat foods that contain α-Gal, the allergy is triggered. These triggering foods include meat (lamb, beef, pork, rabbit, kangaroo), dairy products (yoghurt, cheese, ice-cream, cream), animal-origin gelatin added to gummy foods (jelly, lollies, marshmallow), prescription medications and over-the counter supplements containing gelatin (some antibiotics, vitamins and other supplements).

    Tick-meat allergy reactions can be hard to recognise because they’re usually delayed, and they can be severe and include anaphylaxis. Allergy organisations produce management guidelines, so always discuss management with your doctor.

    3. Fruit-pollen allergy

    Fruit-pollen allergy, called pollen food allergy syndrome, is an IgE-mediated allergic reaction.

    In susceptible adults, pollen in the air provokes the production of IgE antibodies to antigens in the pollen, but these antigens are similar to ones found in some fruits, vegetables and herbs. The problem is that eating those plants triggers an allergic reaction.

    The most allergenic tree pollens are from birch, cypress, Japanese cedar, latex, grass, and ragweed. Their pollen can cross-react with fruit and vegetables, including kiwi, banana, mango, avocado, grapes, celery, carrot and potato, and some herbs such as caraway, coriander, fennel, pepper and paprika.

    Fruit-pollen allergy is not common. Prevalence estimates are between 0.03% and 8% depending on the country, but it can be life-threatening. Reactions range from itching or tingling of lips, mouth, tongue and throat, called oral allergy syndrome, to mild hives, to anaphylaxis.

    4. Food-dependent, exercise-induced food allergy

    During heavy exercise, the stomach produces less acid than usual and gut permeability increases, meaning that small molecules in your gut are more likely to escape across the membrane into your blood. These include food molecules that trigger an IgE reaction.

    If the person already has IgE antibodies to the foods eaten before exercise, then the risk of triggering food allergy reactions is increased. This allergy is called food-dependent exercise-induced allergy, with symptoms ranging from hives and swelling, to difficulty breathing and anaphylaxis.

    Man stands on court
    This type of allergy is extremely rare. Ben O’Sullivan/Unsplash

    Common trigger foods include wheat, seafood, meat, poultry, egg, milk, nuts, grapes, celery and other foods, which could have been eaten many hours before exercising.

    To complicate things even further, allergic reactions can occur at lower levels of trigger-food exposure, and be more severe if the person is simultaneously taking non-steroidal inflammatory medications like aspirin, drinking alcohol or is sleep-deprived.

    Food-dependent exercise-induced allergy is extremely rare. Surveys have estimated prevalence as between one to 17 cases per 1,000 people worldwide with the highest prevalence between the teenage years to age 35. Those affected often have other allergic conditions such as hay fever, asthma, allergic conjunctivitis and dermatitis.

    Allergies are a growing burden

    The burden on physical health, psychological health and health costs due to food allergy is increasing. In the US, this financial burden was estimated as $24 billion per year.

    Adult food allergy needs to be taken seriously and those with severe symptoms should wear a medical information bracelet or chain and carry an adrenaline auto-injector pen. Concerningly, surveys suggest only about one in four adults with food allergy have an adrenaline pen.

    If you have an IgE-mediated food allergy, discuss your management plan with your doctor. You can also find more information at Allergy and Anaphylaxis Australia.

    Clare Collins, Laureate Professor in Nutrition and Dietetics, University of Newcastle

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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    Learn to Age Gracefully

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