Loss, Trauma, and Resilience – by Dr. Pauline Boss
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Most books about bereavement are focused on grieving healthily and then moving on healthily. And, while it may be said “everyone’s grief is on their own timescale”… society’s expectation is often quite fixed:
“Time will heal”, they say.
But what if it doesn’t? What happens when that’s not possible?
Ambiguous loss occurs when someone is on the one hand “gone”, but on the other hand, not necessarily.
This can be:
- Someone was lost in a way that didn’t leave a body to 100% confirm it
- (e.g. disaster, terrorism, war, murder, missing persons)
- Someone remains physically present but in some ways already “gone”
- (e.g. Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, brain injury, coma)
These things stop us continuing as normal, and/but also stop us from moving on as normal.
When either kind of moving forward is made impossible, everything gets frozen in place. How does one deal with that?
Dr. Boss wrote this book for therapists, but its content is equally useful for anyone struggling with ambiguous loss—or who has a loved one who is, in turn, struggling with that.
The book looks at the impact of ambiguous loss on continuing life, and how to navigate that:
- How to be resilient, in the sense of when life tries to break you, to have ways to bend instead.
- How to live with the cognitive dissonance of a loved one who is a sort of “Schrödinger’s person”.
- How, and this is sometimes the biggest one, to manage ambiguous loss in a society that often pushes toward: “it’s been x period of time, come on, get over it now, back to normal”
Will this book heal your heart and resolve your grief? No, it won’t. But what it can do is give a roadmap for nonetheless thriving in life, while gently holding onto whatever we need to along the way.
Click here to check out “Ambiguous loss, Trauma, and Resilience” on Amazon—it can really help
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
6 Daily Habits To Keep Your Brain Young & Sharp
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Without brain health, we do not have health. So here are six ways to keep it in order:
Food for thought
The six areas to focus on are as follows:
- Physical exercise: as we at 10almonds sometimes say, what’s good for the heart is good for the brain (because the brain is only as healthy as the circulation feeding it). For this reason, the recommendation here is for physical exercise that improves heart health—so, walking, running, swimming, dancing, etc.
- Healthy diet: shocking nobody, this is important too. Specifically, a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and healthy proteins and fats is important—partly for the heart benefits that give indirect benefits to the brain, and partly because the brain is built of stuff and so we have to consume that stuff in order to rebuild it (omega-3s features strongly here, for instance). Remember to hydrate, too! The body can’t do anything without water.
- Good sleep: yes, the famous 7–9 hours sleep per night, and yes, even at your age, whatever that might be. This is important for memory consolidation, cell repair, toxin removal, and more. Sleep deprivation, on the other hand, leads to cognitive decline and brain shrinkage.
- Mental stimulation: ideally, engaging those parts of the brain you most wish to protect (e.g. language, memory, or whatever is most important to you).
- Social interaction: this one gets underestimated a lot, but it’s important to have meaningful conversations (not just polite smalltalk from a small menu of stock phrases), and that these should be two-way, i.e. involving both listening/reading and speaking/writing. Ideally, all four of those, which for most people means online and offline social interactions.
- Stress management: because chronic stress damages brain cells and accelerates cognitive decline, it’s important to manage that; practices like mindfulness meditation go a very long way and make a big difference.
For more on all of these, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
The Physical Exercises That Build Your Brain ← this is different from just exercising for one’s heart and thus the brain by extension, and rather, is specific exercises that strengthen specific parts of the brain.
Take care!
Share This Post
I Contain Multitudes – by Ed Yong
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
A little while back we reviewed a book (Planet of Viruses) about the role of viruses in our lives, beyond the obvious. Today’s book gives the same treatment to microbes in general—mostly bacteria.
We all know about pathogens, and we all know about gut microbiota and that some (hopefully the majority) there are good for our health. This book covers those things too, but also much more.
Pulitzer Prize-winning science writer Ed Yong takes a big picture view (albeit, of some very small things) and looks at the many ways microbes keep us alive, directly or indirectly. From the microbes that convert certain proteins in breast milk into a form that babies can digest (yes, this means we produce nutrients in breast milk that have been evolved solely to feed that bacterium), to those without which agriculture would simply not work, we’re brought to realize how much our continued existence is contingent on our trillions of tiny friends.
The style throughout is easy-reading pop-science, very accessible. There’s also plenty in terms of practical take-away value, when it comes to adjusting our modern lives to better optimize the benefits we get from microbes—inside and out.
Bottom line: if you’d like to learn about the role of microbes in our life beyond “these ones are pathogens” and “these ones help our digestion”, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out I Contain Multitudes, and learn more about yours and those around you!
Share This Post
Never Too Late To Start Over: Finding Purpose At Any Age
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Dana Findwell’s late 50s were not an easy time, but upon now hitting 60 (this week, at time of writing), she’s enthusiastically throwing herself into the things that bring her purpose, and so can you.
Start where you are
Findwell was already no stranger to starting again, having been married and divorced twice, and having moved frequently, requiring constant “life resets”.
Nevertheless, she always had her work to fall back on; she was a graphic designer and art director for 30 years… Until burnout struck.
And when burnout struck, so did COVID, resulting in the loss of her job. Her job wasn’t the only thing she lost though, as her mother died around the same time. All in all, it was a lot, and not the fun kind of “a lot”.
Struggling to find a new career direction, she ended up starting a small business for herself, so that she could direct the pace; pressing forwards as and when she had the energy. This became her new “ikigai“, the main thing that brings a sense of purpose to her life, but getting one part of her life back into order brought her attention to the rest; she realized she’d neglected her health, so she joined a gym. And a weightlifting class. And a hip-hop class. And she took up the practice of Japanese drumming (for the unfamiliar, this can be a rather athletic ability; it’s not a matter of sitting at a drum kit).
And now? Her future is still not clear, but that’s ok, because she’s making it as she goes, and she’s doing it her way, trusting in her ability to handle what may come up, and doing the things now that future-her will be glad of having done (e.g. laying the groundwork of both financial security and good health).
Change can sometimes be triggered by adverse circumstances, but there’s always the opportunity to find something better. For more on all of this, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Take care!
Share This Post
From straight to curly, thick to thin: here’s how hormones and chemotherapy can change your hair
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Head hair comes in many colours, shapes and sizes, and hairstyles are often an expression of personal style or cultural identity.
Many different genes determine our hair texture, thickness and colour. But some people’s hair changes around the time of puberty, pregnancy or after chemotherapy.
So, what can cause hair to become curlier, thicker, thinner or grey?
Curly or straight? How hair follicle shape plays a role
Hair is made of keratin, a strong and insoluble protein. Each hair strand grows from its own hair follicle that extends deep into the skin.
Curly hair forms due to asymmetry of both the hair follicle and the keratin in the hair.
Follicles that produce curly hair are asymmetrical and curved and lie at an angle to the surface of the skin. This kinks the hair as it first grows.
The asymmetry of the hair follicle also causes the keratin to bunch up on one side of the hair strand. This pulls parts of the hair strand closer together into a curl, which maintains the curl as the hair continues to grow.
Follicles that are symmetrical, round and perpendicular to the skin surface produce straight hair.
Each hair strand grows from its own hair follicle.
Mosterpiece/ShutterstockLife changes, hair changes
Our hair undergoes repeated cycles throughout life, with different stages of growth and loss.
Each hair follicle contains stem cells, which multiply and grow into a hair strand.
Head hairs spend most of their time in the growth phase, which can last for several years. This is why head hair can grow so long.
Let’s look at the life of a single hair strand. After the growth phase is a transitional phase of about two weeks, where the hair strand stops growing. This is followed by a resting phase where the hair remains in the follicle for a few months before it naturally falls out.
The hair follicle remains in the skin and the stems cells grow a new hair to repeat the cycle.
Each hair on the scalp is replaced every three to five years.
Each hair on the scalp is replaced every three to five years.
Just Life/ShutterstockHormone changes during and after pregnancy alter the usual hair cycle
Many women notice their hair is thicker during pregnancy.
During pregnancy, high levels of oestrogen, progesterone and prolactin prolong the resting phase of the hair cycle. This means the hair stays in the hair follicle for longer, with less hair loss.
A drop in hormones a few months after delivery causes increased hair loss. This is due to all the hairs that remained in the resting phase during pregnancy falling out in a fairly synchronised way.
Hair can change around puberty, pregnancy or after chemotherapy
This is related to the genetics of hair shape, which is an example of incomplete dominance.
Incomplete dominance is when there is a middle version of a trait. For hair, we have curly hair and straight hair genes. But when someone has one curly hair gene and one straight hair gene, they can have wavy hair.
Hormonal changes that occur around puberty and pregnancy can affect the function of genes. This can cause the curly hair gene of someone with wavy hair to become more active. This can change their hair from wavy to curly.
Researchers have identified that activating specific genes can change hair in pigs from straight to curly.
Chemotherapy has very visible effects on hair. Chemotherapy kills rapidly dividing cells, including hair follicles, which causes hair loss. Chemotherapy can also have genetic effects that influence hair follicle shape. This can cause hair to regrow with a different shape for the first few cycles of hair regrowth.
Your hair can change at different stages of your life.
Igor Ivakhno/ShutterstockHormonal changes as we age also affect our hair
Throughout life, thyroid hormones are essential for production of keratin. Low levels of thyroid hormones can cause dry and brittle hair.
Oestrogen and androgens also regulate hair growth and loss, particularly as we age.
Balding in males is due to higher levels of androgens. In particular, high dihydrotestosterone (sometimes shortened to DHT), which is produced in the body from testosterone, has a role in male pattern baldness.
Some women experience female pattern hair loss. This is caused by a combination of genetic factors plus lower levels of oestrogen and higher androgens after menopause. The hair follicles become smaller and smaller until they no longer produce hairs.
Reduced function of the cells that produce melanin (the pigment that gives our hair colour) is what causes greying.
Theresa Larkin, Associate professor of Medical Sciences, University of Wollongong
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
Is Ant Oil Just “Snake Oil”?
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
We Tested Out “Ant Egg Oil”
Did you know?! There’s a special protein found only in the eggs of a particular species of ant found in Turkey, that can painlessly and permanently stop (not just slow!) hair regrowth in places you’d rather not have hair.
Neither did we, and when we heard about it, we did our usual research, and discovered a startling secret.
…there probably isn’t.
We decided to dig deeper, and the plot (unlike the hair in question) thickens:
We could not find any science for or against (or even generally about) the use of ant egg oil to prevent hair regrowth. Not a peep. What we did find though was a cosmetic chemist who did an analysis of the oil as sold, and found its main ingredient appears to be furan-2-carbaldehyde, or Furfural, to its friends.
Surprise! There’s also no science that we could find about the effect of Furfural (we love the name, though! Fur for all!) on hair, except that it’s bad for rodents (and their hair) if they eat a lot of it. So please don’t eat it. Especially if you’re a mouse.
And yet, many ostensibly real reviews out in the wild claim it works wonders. So, we took the investigative reporting approach and tried it ourselves.
That’s right, a plucky member of our team tried it, and she reports:
❝ At first glance, it seems like olive oil. There’s something else though, adding a darker colour and a slight bitterness to the smell.
After waxing, I applied a little every few days. When the hair eventually regrew (and it did), it grew back thinner, and removing the new hairs was a strangely easy experience, like pulling hairs out of soft soap instead of out of skin. It didn’t hurt at all, either.
I had more of the oil, so I kept going with the treatment, and twelve weeks later there are very few hairs regrowing at all; probably there will be none left soon. Whatever’s in this, be it from ant eggs or wheat bran or something else entirely, it worked for me!❞
So in short: it remains a mystery for now! If you try it, let us know how it went for you.
Here’s the “interesting” website that sells it, though you may find it for less on eBay or similar. (Note, we aren’t earning any commissions from these links. We just wanted to make it easier for you to dive deeper).
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
Dr. Suzanne Steinbaum’s Heart Book – by Dr. Suzanne Steinbaum
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
The book is divided into three parts:
- What you should know
- What you should do
- All about you
This is a very useful format, since it lays out all the foundational knowledge, before offering practical advice and “how to” explanations, before finally wrapping up with personalizing things.
The latter is important, because while our basic risk factors can be assembled in a few lines of data (age, sex, race, genes, diet, exercise habits, etc) there’s a lot more to us than that, and oftentimes the data that doesn’t make the cut, makes the difference. Hormones on high on this list; we can say that a person is a 65-year-old woman and make a guess, but that’s all it is: a guess. Very few of us are the “average person” that statistical models represent accurately. And nor are social and psychological factors irrelevant; in fact often they are deciding factors!
So, it’s important to be able to look at ourselves as the whole persons we are, or else we’ll get a heart-healthy protocol that works on paper but actually falls flat in application, because the mathematical model didn’t take into account that lately we have been very stressed about such-and-such a thing, and deeply anxious about so-and-so, and a hopefully short-term respiratory infection has reduced blood oxygen levels, and all these kinds of things need to be taken into account too, for an overall plan to work.
The greatest strength of this book is that it attends to that.
The style of the book is a little like a long sales pitch (when all that’s being sold, by the way, is the ideas the book is offering; she wants you to take her advice with enthusiasm), but there’s plenty of very good information all the way through, making it quite worth the read.
Bottom line: if you’re a woman and/or love at least one woman, then you can benefit from this important book for understanding heart health that’s not the default.
Click here to check out Dr. Suzanne Steinbaum’s Heart Book, and enjoy a heart-healthy life!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:
