I’m Moving Forward and Facing the Uncertainty of Aging

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It takes a lot of courage to grow old.

I’ve come to appreciate this after conversations with hundreds of older adults over the past eight years for nearly 200 “Navigating Aging” columns.

Time and again, people have described what it’s like to let go of certainties they once lived with and adjust to new circumstances.

These older adults’ lives are filled with change. They don’t know what the future holds except that the end is nearer than it’s ever been.

And yet, they find ways to adapt. To move forward. To find meaning in their lives. And I find myself resolving to follow this path as I ready myself for retirement.

Patricia Estess, 85, of the Brooklyn borough of New York City spoke eloquently about the unpredictability of later life when I reached out to her as I reported a series of columns on older adults who live alone, sometimes known as “solo agers.”

Estess had taken a course on solo aging. “You realize that other people are in the same boat as you are,” she said when I asked what she had learned. “We’re all dealing with uncertainty.”

Consider the questions that older adults — whether living with others or by themselves — deal with year in and out: Will my bones break? Will my thinking skills and memory endure? Will I be able to make it up the stairs of my home, where I’m trying to age in place?

Will beloved friends and family members remain an ongoing source of support? If not, who will be around to provide help when it’s needed?

Will I have enough money to support a long and healthy life, if that’s in the cards? Will community and government resources be available, if needed?

It takes courage to face these uncertainties and advance into the unknown with a measure of equanimity.

“It’s a question of attitude,” Estess told me. “I have honed an attitude of: ‘I am getting older. Things will happen. I will do what I can to plan in advance. I will be more careful. But I will deal with things as they come up.’”

For many people, becoming old alters their sense of identity. They feel like strangers to themselves. Their bodies and minds aren’t working as they used to. They don’t feel the sense of control they once felt.

That requires a different type of courage — the courage to embrace and accept their older selves.

Marna Clarke, a photographer, spent more than a dozen years documenting her changing body and her life with her partner as they grew older. Along the way, she learned to view aging with new eyes.

“Now, I think there’s a beauty that comes out of people when they accept who they are,” she told me in 2022, when she was 70, just before her 93-year-old husband died.

Arthur Kleinman, a Harvard professor who’s now 83, gained a deeper sense of soulfulness after caring for his beloved wife, who had dementia and eventually died, leaving him grief-stricken.

“We endure, we learn how to endure, how to keep going. We’re marked, we’re injured, we’re wounded. We’re changed, in my case for the better,” he told me when I interviewed him in 2019. He was referring to a newfound sense of vulnerability and empathy he gained as a caregiver.

Herbert Brown, 68, who lives in one of Chicago’s poorest neighborhoods, was philosophical when I met him at his apartment building’s annual barbecue in June.

“I was a very wild person in my youth. I’m surprised I’ve lived this long,” he said. “I never planned on being a senior. I thought I’d die before that happened.”

Truthfully, no one is ever prepared to grow old, including me. (I’m turning 70 in February.)

Chalk it up to denial or the limits of imagination. As May Sarton, a writer who thought deeply about aging, put it so well: Old age is “a foreign country with an unknown language.” I, along with all my similarly aged friends, are surprised we’ve arrived at this destination.

For me, 2025 is a turning point. I’m retiring after four decades as a journalist. Most of that time, I’ve written about our nation’s enormously complex health care system. For the past eight years, I’ve focused on the unprecedented growth of the older population — the most significant demographic trend of our time — and its many implications.

In some ways, I’m ready for the challenges that lie ahead. In many ways, I’m not.

The biggest unknown is what will happen to my vision. I have moderate macular degeneration in both eyes. Last year, I lost central vision in my right eye. How long will my left eye pick up the slack? What will happen when that eye deteriorates?

Like many people, I’m hoping scientific advances outpace the progression of my condition. But I’m not counting on it. Realistically, I have to plan for a future in which I might become partially blind.

It’ll take courage to deal with that.

Then, there’s the matter of my four-story Denver house, where I’ve lived for 33 years. Climbing the stairs has helped keep me in shape. But that won’t be possible if my vision becomes worse.

So my husband and I are taking a leap into the unknown. We’re renovating the house, installing an elevator, and inviting our son, daughter-in-law, and grandson to move in with us. Going intergenerational. Giving up privacy. In exchange, we hope our home will be full of mutual assistance and love.

There are no guarantees this will work. But we’re giving it a shot.

Without all the conversations I’ve had over all these years, I might not have been up for it. But I’ve come to see that “no guarantees” isn’t a reason to dig in my heels and resist change.

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to share your experiences and insights about aging. Thank you for your openness, honesty, and courage. These conversations will become even more important in the years ahead, as baby boomers like me make their way through their 70s, 80s, and beyond. May the conversations continue.

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This article first appeared on KFF Health News and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.

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  • Parent Effectiveness Training – by Dr. Thomas Gordon

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    Do you want your home (or workplace, for that matter) to be a place of peace? This book literally got the author nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Can’t really get much higher praise than that.

    The title is “Parent Effectiveness Training”, but in reality, the advice in the book is applicable to all manner of relationships, including:

    • romantic relationships
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    • …and really any human interaction.

    It covers some of the same topics we did today (and more) in much more detail than we ever could in a newsletter. It lays out formulae to use, gives plenty of examples, and/but is free from undue padding.

    • Pros: this isn’t one of those “should have been an article” books. It has so much valuable content.
    • Cons: It is from the 1970s* so examples may feel “dated” now.

    In addition to going into much more detail on some of the topics covered in today’s issue of 10almonds, Dr. Gordon also talks in-depth about the concept of “problem-ownership”.

    In a nutshell, that means: whose problem is a given thing? Who “has” what problem? Everyone needs to be on the same page about everyone else’s problems in the situation… as well as their own, which is not always a given!

    Dr. Gordon presents, in short, tools not just to resolve conflict, but also to pre-empt it entirely. With these techniques, we can identify and deal with problems (together!) well before they arise.

    Everybody wins.

    Get your copy of “Parent Effectiveness Training” from Amazon today!

    *Note: There is an updated edition on the market, and that’s what you’ll find upon following the above link. This reviewer (hi!) has a battered old paperback from the 1970s and cannot speak for what was changed in the new edition. However: if the 70s one is worth more than its weight in gold (and it is), the new edition is surely just as good, if not better!

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  • Guinness Is Good For You*

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    Guinness Is Good For You*

    *This is our myth-buster edition, so maybe best not take that at face value!

    To this day, writing the words “Guinness is” into Google will autocomplete to “Guinness is good for you”. The ad campaign proclaiming such launched about a hundred years ago, and was based on Guinness as it was when it was launched another hundred years before that.

    Needless to say, none of this was based on modern science.

    Is there any grain of truth?

    Perhaps its strongest health claim, in terms of what stands up to modern scrutiny, is that it does contain some B vitamins. Famously (as it was once given to pregnant women in Ireland on the strength of such) it contains folate (also known as Vitamin B9). How much?

    A 15oz glass of Guinness contains 12.8µg of folate, which is 3.2% of the RDA. In other words, you could get all the folate your body needs by drinking just 32 glasses of Guinness per day.

    With that in mind, you might want to get the non-alcoholic version!

    “I heard you could live on just Guinness and oranges, because it contains everything but vitamin C?”

    The real question is: how long could you live? Otherwise, a facetious answer here could be akin to the “fun fact” that you can drink lava… once.

    Guinness is missing many essential amino acids and fatty acids, several vitamins, and many minerals. Exactly what it’s missing may vary slightly from region to region, as while the broad recipe is the same, some processes add or remove some extra micronutrients.

    As to what you’d die of first, for obvious reasons there have been no studies done on this, but our money would be on liver failure.

    It would also wreak absolute havoc with your kidneys, but kidneys are tricky beasts—you can be down to 10% functionality and unaware that anything’s wrong yet. So we think liver failure would get you first.

    (Need that 0.0% alcohol Guinness link again? Here it is)

    Fun fact: Top contender in the category of “whole food” is actually seaweed (make sure you don’t get too much iodine, though)!

    Or, should we say, top natural contender. Because foods that have been designed by humans to contain everything we need and more for optimized health, such as Huel, do exactly what they say on the tin.

    And in case you’re curious…

    Read: what bare minimum nutrients do you really need, to survive?

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  • Most People Try The Wrong Way To Unshrimp Their Posture (Here’s How To Do It Better)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Many people try to correct posture by pulling the shoulders back and tucking in the chin, but that doesn’t work. Happily, there is a way that does! Kinesiologist Kyle Waugh demonstrates:

    Defying gravity

    The trick is simple, and is about how maintaining good posture needs to be unconscious and natural, not forced. After all, who is maintaining singular focus for 16 waking hours a day?

    Instead, pay attention to how the body relates to gravity without excessive muscle tension, aligning the (oft-forgotten!) hips, and maintaining balance. The importance of hip position is really not to be underestimated, since in many ways the hips are a central axis of the body just as the spine is, and the spine itself sits in the hips.

    A lot of what holds the body in poor posture tends to be localized muscle tensions, so address those with stretches and relaxation exercises.

    For a few quick tests and exercises to try, enjoy:

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    6 Ways To Look After Your Back ← no video on this one, just 6 concepts that you can apply to your daily life

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    This Root Might Be A Guardian Angel

    Sometimes we go searching for supplements to research; sometimes supplements present themselves for examination! In this case, our attention was grabbed by a headline:

    Angelica gigas extract emerges as a potential treatment for vascular disease

    Angelica who?

    Angelica gigas, also called the purple parsnip (amongst other names), is a flowering plant native to Korea. It has assorted medicinal properties, and in this case, it was its heart-healthy benefits that were making news:

    ❝Ultimately, this study presents clearly evidence that Angelica gigas extract is a promising natural product-based functional food/herbal medicine candidate for preventing or regulating hyperlipidemic cardiovascular complications❞

    Source: Angelica gigas extract inhibits acetylation of eNOS via IRE1α sulfonation/RIDD-SIRT1-mediated posttranslational modification in vascular dysfunction

    But it has a lot more to offer…

    The root has various bioactive metabolites, but the compounds that most studies are most interested in are decursin and decursinol, for their neuroprotective and cognitive enhancement effects:

    ❝[C]rude extracts and isolated components from the root of A. gigas exhibited neuroprotective and cognitive enhancement effects.

    Neuronal damage or death is the most important factor for many neurodegenerative diseases.

    In addition, recent studies have clearly demonstrated the possible mechanisms behind the neuroprotective action of extracts/compounds from the root of A. gigas.❞

    That middle paragraph there? That’s one of the main pathogenic processes of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, and Multiple Sclerosis.

    Angelica gigas attenuates (reduces the force of) that process:

    ❝The published reports revealed that the extracts and isolated components from the root of A. gigas showed neuroprotective and cognitive enhancement properties through various mechanisms such as anti-apoptosis, antioxidative actions, inhibiting mRNA and protein expressions of inflammatory mediators and regulating a number of signaling pathways.

    In conclusion, the A. gigas root can serve as an effective neuroprotective agent by modulating various pathophysiological processes❞

    Read more: Neuroprotective and Cognitive Enhancement Potentials of Angelica gigas Nakai Root: A Review

    Beyond neuroprotection & cognitive enhancement

    …and also beyond its protection against vascular disease, which is what got our attention…

    Angelica gigas also has antioxidant properties, anti-cancer properties, and general immune-boosting properties.

    We’ve only so much room, so: those links above will take you to example studies for those things, but there are plenty more where they came from, so we’re quite confident in this one.

    Of course, what has antioxidant properties is usually anti-inflammatory, anti-cancer, and anti-aging, because these things are reliant on many of the same processes as each other, with a lot of overlap.

    Where can we get it?

    We don’t sell it, but here’s an example product on Amazon, for your convenience

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    Learn to Age Gracefully

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  • Walnuts vs Brazil Nuts – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing walnuts to Brazil nuts, we picked the walnuts.

    Why?

    Talking macros first, they are about equal in protein, carbs, fats, and fiber; their composition is almost identical in this regard. However, looking a little more closely at the fats, Brazil nuts have more than 2x the saturated fat, while walnuts have nearly 2x the polyunsaturated fat. So, we’ll declare the macros category a moderate win for walnuts.

    The category of vitamins is not balanced; walnuts have more of vitamins A, B2, B3, B5, B6, B9, C, and choline, while Brazil nuts have more of vitamins B1 and E. A clear and easy win for walnuts.

    The category of minerals is interesting, because of one mineral in particular. First let’s mention: walnuts have more iron and manganese, while Brazil nuts have more calcium, copper, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, and selenium. Taken at face value, this is a clear win for Brazil nuts. However…

    About that selenium… Specifically, it’s more than 391x higher, and a cup of Brazil nuts would give nearly 10,000x the recommended daily amount of selenium. Now, selenium is an essential mineral (needed for thyroid hormone production, for example), and at the RDA it’s good for good health. Your hair will be luscious and shiny. However, go much above that, and selenium toxicity becomes a thing, you may get sick, and it can cause your (luscious and shiny) hair to fall out. For this reason, it’s recommended to eat no more than 3–4 Brazil nuts per day.

    There is one last consideration, and this is oxalates; walnuts are moderately high in oxalates (>50mg/100g) while Brazil nuts are very high in oxalates (>500mg/100g). This won’t affect most people at all, but if you have pre-existing kidney problems (including a history of kidney stones), you might want to go easy on oxalate-containing foods.

    For most people, however, walnuts are a very healthy choice, and outshine Brazil nuts in most ways.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts

    Take care!

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  • Brazil Nuts vs Pecans – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing Brazil nuts to pecans, we picked the pecans.

    Why?

    In terms of macros, Brazil nuts have more protein while pecans have more fiber. Both of these nuts are equally fatty, though Brazil nuts have much more saturated fat per 100g, which still isn’t terrible, but it does make pecans’ profile (mostly monounsaturated with some polyunsaturated) the healthier. They’re about equal in carbs. All in all, a win for pecans here.

    In the category of vitamins, Brazil nuts have more vitamin E, while pecans have more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B7, B9, C, K, and choline. An easy win for pecans.

    The category of minerals is an interesting one. Brazil nuts have more calcium, copper, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, and selenium, while pecans have more iron, manganese, and zinc. Before we crown Brazil nuts with the win in this category, though, let’s take a closer look at those selenium levels:

    • A cup of cashews contains 21% of the RDA of selenium. Your hair will be luscious and shiny.
    • A cup of Brazil nuts contains 10,456% of the RDA of selenium. This is way past the point of selenium toxicity, and your (luscious, shiny) hair will fall out.

    For this reason, it’s recommended to eat no more than 3–4 Brazil nuts per day.

    We consider that a point against Brazil nuts.

    Adding up the sections makes for an overall win for pecans; of course, enjoy either or both, just be sure to practise moderation when it comes to the Brazil nuts!

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    Enjoy!

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