I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. How do I tell my children?

10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

With around one in 50 adults diagnosed with cancer each year, many people are faced with the difficult task of sharing the news of their diagnosis with their loved ones. Parents with cancer may be most worried about telling their children.

It’s best to give children factual and age-appropriate information, so children don’t create their own explanations or blame themselves. Over time, supportive family relationships and open communication help children adjust to their parent’s diagnosis and treatment.

It’s natural to feel you don’t have the skills or knowledge to talk with your children about cancer. But preparing for the conversation can improve your confidence.

Benjamin Manley/Unsplash

Preparing for the conversation

Choose a suitable time and location in a place where your children feel comfortable. Turn off distractions such as screens and phones.

For teenagers, who can find face-to-face conversations confronting, think about talking while you are going for a walk.

Consider if you will tell all children at once or separately. Will you be the only adult present, or will having another adult close to your child be helpful? Another adult might give your children a person they can talk to later, especially to answer questions they might be worried about asking you.

Two sisters
Choose the time and location when your children feel comfortable. Craig Adderley/Pexels

Finally, plan what to do after the conversation, like doing an activity with them that they enjoy. Older children and teenagers might want some time alone to digest the news, but you can suggest things you know they like to do to relax.

Also consider what you might need to support yourself.

Preparing the words

Parents might be worried about the best words or language to use to make sure the explanations are at a level their child understands. Make a plan for what you will say and take notes to stay on track.

The toughest part is likely to be saying to your children that you have cancer. It can help to practise saying those words out aloud.

Ask family and friends for their feedback on what you want to say. Make use of guides by the Cancer Council, which provide age-appropriate wording for explaining medical terms like “cancer”, “chemotherapy” and “tumour”.

Having the conversation

Being open, honest and factual is important. Consider the balance between being too vague, and providing too much information. The amount and type of information you give will be based on their age and previous experiences with illness.

Remember, if things don’t go as planned, you can always try again later.

Start by telling your children the news in a few short sentences, describing what you know about the diagnosis in language suitable for their age. Generally, this information will include the name of the cancer, the area of the body affected and what will be involved in treatment.

Let them know what to expect in the coming weeks and months. Balance hope with reality. For example:

The doctors will do everything they can to help me get well. But, it is going to be a long road and the treatments will make me quite sick.

Check what your child knows about cancer. Young children may not know much about cancer, while primary school-aged children are starting to understand that it is a serious illness. Young children may worry about becoming unwell themselves, or other loved ones becoming sick.

Child hiding in cushions
Young children might worry about other loved ones becoming sick. Pixabay/Pexels

Older children and teenagers may have experiences with cancer through other family members, friends at school or social media.

This process allows you to correct any misconceptions and provides opportunities for them to ask questions. Regardless of their level of knowledge, it is important to reassure them that the cancer is not their fault.

Ask them if there is anything they want to know or say. Talk to them about what will stay the same as well as what may change. For example:

You can still do gymnastics, but sometimes Kate’s mum will have to pick you up if I am having treatment.

If you can’t answer their questions, be OK with saying “I’m not sure”, or “I will try to find out”.

Finally, tell children you love them and offer them comfort.

How might they respond?

Be prepared for a range of different responses. Some might be distressed and cry, others might be angry, and some might not seem upset at all. This might be due to shock, or a sign they need time to process the news. It also might mean they are trying to be brave because they don’t want to upset you.

Children’s reactions will change over time as they come to terms with the news and process the information. They might seem like they are happy and coping well, then be teary and clingy, or angry and irritable.

Older children and teenagers may ask if they can tell their friends and family about what is happening. It may be useful to come together as a family to discuss how to inform friends and family.

What’s next?

Consider the conversation the first of many ongoing discussions. Let children know they can talk to you and ask questions.

Resources might also help; for example, The Cancer Council’s app for children and teenagers and Redkite’s library of free books for families affected by cancer.

If you or other adults involved in the children’s lives are concerned about how they are coping, speak to your GP or treating specialist about options for psychological support.

Cassy Dittman, Senior Lecturer/Head of Course (Undergraduate Psychology), Research Fellow, Manna Institute, CQUniversity Australia; Govind Krishnamoorthy, Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology and Wellbeing, Post Doctoral Fellow, Manna Institute, University of Southern Queensland, and Marg Rogers, Senior Lecturer, Early Childhood Education; Post Doctoral Fellow, Manna Institute, University of New England

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Don’t Forget…

Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

Recommended

  • Evidence doesn’t support spinal cord stimulators for chronic back pain – and they could cause harm
  • Delicious Quinoa Avocado Bread
    Gluten-free, fiber-rich, and delicious—learn to bake the perfect protein-packed burger buns with quinoa and almond flour!

Learn to Age Gracefully

Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:

  • Constipation increases your risk of a heart attack, new study finds – and not just on the toilet

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    If you Google the terms “constipation” and “heart attack” it’s not long before the name Elvis Presley crops up. Elvis had a longstanding history of chronic constipation and it’s believed he was straining very hard to poo, which then led to a fatal heart attack.

    We don’t know what really happened to the so-called King of Rock “n” Roll back in 1977. There were likely several contributing factors to his death, and this theory is one of many.

    But after this famous case researchers took a strong interest in the link between constipation and the risk of a heart attack.

    This includes a recent study led by Australian researchers involving data from thousands of people.

    Elvis Presley was said to have died of a heart attack while straining on the toilet. But is that true? Kraft74/Shutterstock

    Are constipation and heart attacks linked?

    Large population studies show constipation is linked to an increased risk of heart attacks.

    For example, an Australian study involved more than 540,000 people over 60 in hospital for a range of conditions. It found constipated patients had a higher risk of high blood pressure, heart attacks and strokes compared to non-constipated patients of the same age.

    A Danish study of more than 900,000 people from hospitals and hospital outpatient clinics also found that people who were constipated had an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes.

    It was unclear, however, if this relationship between constipation and an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes would hold true for healthy people outside hospital.

    These Australian and Danish studies also did not factor in the effects of drugs used to treat high blood pressure (hypertension), which can make you constipated.

    Man sitting on toilet, clutching tummy with one hand, holding toilet roll in other
    Researchers have studied thousands of people to see if there’s a link between constipation and heart attacks. fongbeerredhot/Shutterstock

    How about this new study?

    The recent international study led by Monash University researchers found a connection between constipation and an increased risk of heart attacks, strokes and heart failure in a general population.

    The researchers analysed data from the UK Biobank, a database of health-related information from about half a million people in the United Kingdom.

    The researchers identified more than 23,000 cases of constipation and accounted for the effect of drugs to treat high blood pressure, which can lead to constipation.

    People with constipation (identified through medical records or via a questionnaire) were twice as likely to have a heart attack, stroke or heart failure as those without constipation.

    The researchers found a strong link between high blood pressure and constipation. Individuals with hypertension who were also constipated had a 34% increased risk of a major heart event compared to those with just hypertension.

    The study only looked at the data from people of European ancestry. However, there is good reason to believe the link between constipation and heart attacks applies to other populations.

    A Japanese study looked at more than 45,000 men and women in the general population. It found people passing a bowel motion once every two to three days had a higher risk of dying from heart disease compared with ones who passed at least one bowel motion a day.

    How might constipation cause a heart attack?

    Chronic constipation can lead to straining when passing a stool. This can result in laboured breathing and can lead to a rise in blood pressure.

    In one Japanese study including ten elderly people, blood pressure was high just before passing a bowel motion and continued to rise during the bowel motion. This increase in blood pressure lasted for an hour afterwards, a pattern not seen in younger Japanese people.

    One theory is that older people have stiffer blood vessels due to atherosclerosis (thickening or hardening of the arteries caused by a build-up of plaque) and other age-related changes. So their high blood pressure can persist for some time after straining. But the blood pressure of younger people returns quickly to normal as they have more elastic blood vessels.

    As blood pressure rises, the risk of heart disease increases. The risk of developing heart disease doubles when systolic blood pressure (the top number in your blood pressure reading) rises permanently by 20 mmHg (millimetres of mercury, a standard measure of blood pressure).

    The systolic blood pressure rise with straining in passing a stool has been reported to be as high as 70 mmHg. This rise is only temporary but with persistent straining in chronic constipation this could lead to an increased risk of heart attacks.

    Doctor wearing white coat checking patient's blood pressure
    High blood pressure from straining on the toilet can last after pooing, especially in older people. Andrey_Popov/Shutterstock

    Some people with chronic constipation may have an impaired function of their vagus nerve, which controls various bodily functions, including digestion, heart rate and breathing.

    This impaired function can result in abnormalities of heart rate and over-activation of the flight-fight response. This can, in turn, lead to elevated blood pressure.

    Another intriguing avenue of research examines the imbalance in gut bacteria in people with constipation.

    This imbalance, known as dysbiosis, can result in microbes and other substances leaking through the gut barrier into the bloodstream and triggering an immune response. This, in turn, can lead to low-grade inflammation in the blood circulation and arteries becoming stiffer, increasing the risk of a heart attack.

    This latest study also explored genetic links between constipation and heart disease. The researchers found shared genetic factors that underlie both constipation and heart disease.

    What can we do about this?

    Constipation affects around 19% of the global population aged 60 and older. So there is a substantial portion of the population at an increased risk of heart disease due to their bowel health.

    Managing chronic constipation through dietary changes (particularly increased dietary fibre), increased physical activity, ensuring adequate hydration and using medications, if necessary, are all important ways to help improve bowel function and reduce the risk of heart disease.

    Vincent Ho, Associate Professor and clinical academic gastroenterologist, Western Sydney University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

    Share This Post

  • Apples vs Figs – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing apples to figs, we picked the figs.

    Why?

    These two fruits are both known for being quite rich in sugar (but also rich in fiber, which offsets it metabolically), and indeed their macros are quite similar. That said, figs have slightly more protein, fiber, and carbs. Both are considered low glycemic index foods. We can consider this category a tie, or perhaps a nominal win for apples, whose glycemic index is the lower of the two. But since figs’ GI is also low, it’s really not a deciding factor.

    In terms of vitamins, apples have more of vitamins C and E, while figs have more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B9, and choline, with noteworthy margins of difference. A clear for figs here.

    When it comes to minerals, apples are not higher in any minerals, while figs are several times higher in calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc. An overwhelming win for figs.

    Of course, enjoy either or both, but if you want nutritional density, apples simply cannot compete with figs.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Which Sugars Are Healthier, And Which Are Just The Same?

    Take care!

    Share This Post

  • Fitness In Our Fifties

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    Q: What’s a worthwhile fitness goal for people in their 50s?

    A: At 10almonds, we think that goals are great but habits are better.

    If your goal is to run a marathon, that’s a fine goal, and can be very motivating, but then after the marathon, then what? You’ll look back on it as a great achievement, but what will it do for your future health?

    PS, yes, marathon-running in one’s middle age is a fine and good activity for most people. Maybe skip it if you have osteoporosis or some other relevant problem (check with your doctor), but…

    Marathons in Mid- and Later-Life ← we wrote about the science of it here

    PS, we also explored some science that may be applicable to your other question, on the same page as that about marathons!

    The thing about habits vs goals is that habits give ongoing cumulative (often even: compounding) benefits:

    How To Really Pick Up (And Keep!) Those Habits

    If you pressingly want advice on goals though, our advice is this:

    Make it your goal to be prepared for the health challenges of later life. It may seem gloomy to say that old age is coming for us all if something else doesn’t get us first, but the fact is, old age does not have to come with age-related decline, and the very least, we can increase our healthspan (so we’re hitting 90 with most of the good health we enjoyed in our 70s, for example, or hitting 80 with most of the good health we enjoyed in our 60s).

    If that goal seems a little wishy-washy, here are some very specific and practical ideas to get you started:

    Train For The Event Of Your Life!

    As for the limits and/or extents of how much we can do in that regard? Here are what two aging experts have to say:

    And here’s what we at 10almonds had to say:

    Age & Aging: What Can (And Can’t) We Do About It?

    Take care!

    Share This Post

Related Posts

  • Evidence doesn’t support spinal cord stimulators for chronic back pain – and they could cause harm
  • Do we need animal products to be healthy?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Do we need animal products to be healthy?

    We asked you for your (health-related) perspective on plant-based vs anima-based foods, and got the above-pictured spread of answers.

    “Some or all of us may need small amounts of animal products” came out on top with more votes than the two more meat-eatery options combined, and the second most popular option was the hard-line “We can all live healthily and happily on just plants”.

    Based on these answers, it seems our readership has quite a lot of vegans, vegetarians, and perhaps “flexitarians” who just have a little of animal products here and there.

    Perhaps we should have seen this coming; the newsletter is “10almonds”, not “10 rashers of bacon”, after all.

    But what does the science say?

    We are carnivores and are best eating plenty of meat: True or False?

    False. Let’s just rip the band-aid off for this one.

    In terms of our anatomy and physiology, we are neither carnivores nor herbivores:

    • We have a mid-length digestive tract (unlike carnivores and herbivores who have short and long ones, respectively)
    • We have a mouthful of an assortment of teeth; molars and premolars for getting through plants from hard nuts to tough fibrous tubers, and we have incisors for cutting into flesh and (vestigial, but they’re there) canines that really serve us no purpose now but would have been a vicious bite when they were bigger, like some other modern-day primates.
    • If we look at our closest living relatives, the other great apes, they are mostly frugivores (fruit-eaters) who supplement their fruity diet with a small quantity of insects and sometimes other small animals—of which they’ll often eat only the fatty organ meat and discard the rest.

    And then, there’s the health risks associated with meat. We’ll not linger on this as we’ve talked about it before, but for example:

    If we avoid processed and/or red meat, that’s good enough: True or False?

    True… Ish.

    Really this one depends on one’s criteria for “good enough”. The above-linked studies, and plenty more like them, give the following broad picture:

    • Red and/or processed meats are unequivocally terrible for the health in general
    • Other mammalian meats, such as from pigs, are really not much better
    • Poultry, on the other hand, the science is less clear on; the results are mixed, and thus so are the conclusions. The results are often barely statistically significant. In other words, when it comes to poultry, in the matter of health, the general consensus is that you can take it or leave it and will be fine. Some studies have found firmly for or against it, but the consensus is a collective scientific shrug.
    • Fish, meanwhile, has almost universally been found to be healthful in moderation. You may have other reasons for wanting to avoid it (ethics, environmentalism, personal taste) but those things are beyond the scope of this article.

    Some or all of us may need small amounts of animal products: True or False?

    True! With nuances.

    Let’s divide this into “some” and “all”. Firstly, some people may have health conditions and/or other mitigating circumstances that make an entirely plant-based diet untenable.

    We’re going light on quotations from subscriber comments today because otherwise this article will get a bit long, but here’s a great example that’s worth quoting, from a subscriber who voted for this option:

    ❝I have a rare genetic disease called hereditary fructose intolerance. It means I lack the enzyme, Aldolase B, to process fructose. Eating fruits and veggies thus gives me severe hypoglycemia. I also have anemia caused by two autoimmune diseases, so I have to eat meat for the iron it supplies. I also supplement with iron pills but the pills alone can’t fix the problem entirely.❞

    And, there’s the thing. Popular vegan talking-points are very good at saying “if you have this problem, this will address it; if you have that problem, that will address it”, etc. For every health-related objection to a fully plant-based diet there’s a refutation… Individually.

    But actual real-world health doesn’t work like that; co-morbidities are very common, and in some cases, like our subscriber above, one problem undermines the solution to another. Add a third problem and by now you really just have to do what you need to do to survive.

    For this reason, even the Vegan Society’s definition of veganism includes the clause “so far as is possible and practicable”.

    Now, as for the rest of us “all”.

    What if we’re really healthy and are living in optimal circumstances (easy access to a wide variety of choice of food), can we live healthily and happily just on plants?

    No—on a technicality.

    Vegans famously need to supplement vitamin B12, which is not found in plants. Ironically, much of the B12 in animal products comes from the animals themselves being given supplements, but that’s another matter. However, B12 can also be enjoyed from yeast. Popular options include the use of yeast extract (e.g. Marmite) and/or nutritional yeast in cooking.

    Yeast is a single-celled microorganism that’s taxonomically classified as a fungus, even though in many ways it behaves like an animal (which series of words may conjure an amusing image, but we mean, biologically speaking).

    However, it’s also not technically a plant, hence the “No—on a technicality”

    Bottom line:

    By nature, humans are quite versatile generalists when it comes to diet:

    • Most of us can live healthily and happily on just plants if we so choose.
    • Some people cannot, and will require varying kinds (and quantities) of animal products.
    • As for red and/or processed meats, we’re not the boss of you, but from a health perspective, the science is clear: unless you have a circumstance that really necessitates it, just don’t.
      • Same goes for pork, which isn’t red and may not be processed, but metabolically it’s associated with the same problems.
    • The jury is out on poultry, but it strongly appears to be optional, healthwise, without making much of a difference either way
    • Fish is roundly considered healthful in moderation. Enjoy it if you want, don’t if you don’t.

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

    Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:

  • Spark – by Dr. John Ratey

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    We all know that exercise is good for mental health as well as physical. So, what’s so revolutionary about this “revolutionary new science of exercise and the brain”?

    A lot of it has to do with the specific neuroscience of how exercise has not only a mood-boosting effect (endorphins) and neuroprotective effect (helping to guard against cognitive decline), but also promotes neuroplasticity… e.g., the creation and strengthening of neural pathways, as well as boosting the structure of the brain in some parts such as the cerebellum.

    The book also covers not just “exercise has these benefits”, but also the “how this works” of all kinds of brain benefits, including:

    • against Alzheimer’s
    • mitigating ADHD
    • managing menopause
    • dealing with addiction

    …and more. And once we understand how something works, we’re far more likely to be motivated to actually do the kinds of exercises that give the specific benefits we want/need. Which is very much the important part!

    In short: this book will tell you what you need to know to get you doing the exercises you need to enjoy those benefits—very much worth it!

    Click here to get “Spark” from Amazon today!

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

    Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:

  • Chili Hot-Bedded Salmon

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This one can be made in less time than it takes to order and receive a Chinese take-out! The principle is simple: it’s a bed of greens giving pride of place to a salmon fillet in a deliciously spicy marinade. So healthwise, we have greens-and-beans, healthy protein and fats, and tasty polyphenols. Experientially, we have food that tastes a lot more decadent than it is!

    You will need

    • 4 salmon fillets (if vegan, substitute firm tofu; see also how to make this no-salmon salmon)
    • 2 bok choy, washed and stems trimmed
    • 7 oz green beans, trimmed
    • 4 oz sugar snap peas
    • 4 spring onions, sliced
    • 2 tbsp chili oil*
    • 1 tbsp soy sauce
    • 1 tsp garlic paste
    • 1 tsp ginger paste
    • 1 tsp black pepper

    *this can be purchased as-is, but if you want to make your own in advance, simply take extra virgin olive oil and infuse it with [finely chopped, red] chili. This is a really good thing to do for commonly-used flavored oils, by the way—chili oil and garlic oil are must-haves in this writer’s opinion; basil oil, sage oil, and rosemary oil, are all excellent things to make and have in, too. Just know, infusing is not quick, so it’s good to do these in batch and make plenty well before you need it. For now, if you don’t have any homemade already, then store-bought is fine 🙂

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Preheat the oven to 360℉/180℃/gas mark 6

    2) Lay out 4 large squares of foil, and put the bok choy, green beans, and sugar snap peas in a little pile in the middle of each one. Put a salmon fillet on top of each (if it has skin, score the skin first, so that juices will be able to penetrate, and put it skin-side down), and then top with the spring onions.

    3) Mix the rest of the ingredients in a small bowl, and then spoon this marinade evenly over each of the fillets (alternatively, if you have occasion to marinade the fillets in advance and let them sit in the marinade in the fridge for some hours before, do so, in which case this step will already be done now, because past-you did it. Yay for past-you!)

    4) Fold up the edges of the foil, making each one an enclosed parcel, gently sealed at the top by folding it over. Put them on a baking tray and bake for about 20 minutes.

    5) Serve! If you’d like some carbs with it, we recommend our tasty versatile rice recipe.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

    Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails: