How to be kind to yourself (without going to a day spa)
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“I have to be hard on myself,” Sarah told me in a recent telehealth psychology session. “I would never reach my potential if I was kind and let myself off the hook.”
I could empathise with this fear of self-compassion from clients such as Sarah (not her real name). From a young age, we are taught to be kind to others, but self-kindness is never mentioned.
Instead, we are taught success hinges on self-sacrifice. And we need a healthy inner critic to bully us forward into becoming increasingly better versions of ourselves.
But research shows there doesn’t have to be a trade-off between self-compassion and success.
Self-compassion can help you reach your potential, while supporting you to face the inevitable stumbles and setbacks along the way.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion has three key ingredients.
1. Self-kindness
This involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend towards a good friend – via your thoughts, feelings and actions – especially during life’s difficult moments.
For instance, if you find yourself fixating on a minor mistake you made at work, self-kindness might involve taking a ten-minute walk to shift focus, and reminding yourself it is OK to make mistakes sometimes, before moving on with your day.
2. Mindfulness
In this context, mindfulness involves being aware of your own experience of stress or suffering, rather than repressing or avoiding your feelings, or over-identifying with them.
Basically, you must see your stress with a clear (mindful) perspective before you can respond with kindness. If we avoid or are consumed by our suffering, we lose perspective.
3. Common humanity
Common humanity involves recognising our own experience of suffering as something that unites us as being human.
For instance, a sleep-deprived parent waking up (for the fourth time) to feed their newborn might choose to think about all the other parents around the world doing exactly the same thing – as opposed to feeling isolated and alone.
It’s not about day spas, or booking a manicure
When Sarah voiced her fear that self-compassion would prevent her success, I explained self-compassion is distinct from self-indulgence.
“So is self-compassion just about booking in more mani/pedis?” Sarah asked.
Not really, I explained. A one-off trip to a day spa is unlikely to transform your mental health.
Instead, self-compassion is a flexible psychological resilience factor that shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.
It’s associated with a suite of benefits to our wellbeing, relationships and health.
baranq/Shutterstock
What does the science say?
Over the past 20 years, we’ve learned self-compassionate people enjoy a wide range of benefits. They tend to be happier and have fewer psychological symptoms of distress.
Those high on self-compassion persevere following a failure. They say they are more motivated to overcome a personal weakness than those low on self-compassion, who are more likely to give up.
So rather than feeling trapped by your inadequacies, self-compassion encourages a growth mindset, helping you reach your potential.
However, self-compassion is not a panacea. It will not change your life circumstances or somehow make life “easy”. It is based on the premise that life is hard, and provides practical tools to cope.
It’s a factor in healthy ageing
I research menopause and healthy ageing and am especially interested in the value of self-compassion through menopause and in the second half of life.
Because self-compassion becomes important during life’s challenges, it can help people navigate physical symptoms (for instance, menopausal hot flushes), life transitions such as divorce, and promote healthy ageing.
I’ve also teamed up with researchers at Autism Spectrum Australia to explore self-compassion in autistic adults.
We found autistic adults report significantly lower levels of self-compassion than neurotypical adults. So we developed an online self-compassion training program for this at-risk population.
Three tips for self-compassion
You can learn self-compassion with these three exercises.
1. What would you say to a friend?
Think back to the last time you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself?
If you notice you’re treating yourself more like an enemy than a friend, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to think about what you might tell a friend, and direct that same friendly language towards yourself.
2. Harness the power of touch
Soothing human touch activates the parasympathetic “relaxation” branch of our nervous system and counteracts the fight or flight response.
Specifically, self-soothing touch (for instance, by placing both hands on your heart, stroking your forearm or giving yourself a hug) reduces cortisol responses to psychosocial stress.
http://krakenimages.com/Shutterstock
3. What do I need right now?
Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out exactly what self-compassion looks like in a given moment. The question “what do I need right now” helps clarify your true needs.
For example, when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I woke up bolt awake one morning at 3am.
Rather than beating myself up about it, or fretting about not getting enough sleep, I gently placed my hands on my heart and took a few deep breaths. By asking myself “what do I need right now?” it became clear that listening to a gentle podcast/meditation fitted the bill (even though I wanted to addictively scroll my phone).
Lydia Brown, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, The University of Melbourne
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Coenzyme Q10 From Foods & Supplements
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Coenzyme Q10 and the difference it makes
Coenzyme Q10, often abbreviated to CoQ10, is a popular supplement, and is often one of the more expensive supplements that’s commonly found on supermarket shelves as opposed to having to go to more specialist stores or looking online.
What is it?
It’s a compound naturally made in the human body and stored in mitochondria. Now, everyone remembers the main job of mitochondria (producing energy), but they also protect cells from oxidative stress, among other things. In other words, aging.
Like many things, CoQ10 production slows as we age. So after a certain age, often around 45 but lifestyle factors can push it either way, it can start to make sense to supplement.
Does it work?
The short answer is “yes”, though we’ll do a quick breakdown of some main benefits, and studies for such, before moving on.
First, do bear in mind that CoQ10 comes in two main forms, ubiquinol and ubiquinone.
Ubiquinol is much more easily-used by the body, so that’s the one you want. Here be science:
What is it good for?
Benefits include:
- Against aging
- Against skin cancer
- Against breast cancer
- Against prostate cancer
- Against heart failure
- Against obesity
- Against diabetes
- Against Alzheimer’s
- Against Parkinson’s
Can we get it from foods?
Yes, and it’s equally well-absorbed through foods or supplementation, so feel free to go with whichever is more convenient for you.
Read: Intestinal absorption of coenzyme Q10 administered in a meal or as capsules to healthy subjects
If you do want to get it from food, you can get it from many places:
- Organ meats: the top source, though many don’t want to eat them, either because they don’t like them or some of us just don’t eat meat. If you do, though, top choices include the heart, liver, and kidneys.
- Fatty fish: sardines are up top, along with mackerel, herring, and trout
- Vegetables: leafy greens, and cruciferous vegetables e.g. cauliflower, broccoli, sprouts
- Legumes: for example soy, lentils, peanuts
- Nuts and seeds: pistachios come up top; sesame seeds are great too
- Fruit: strawberries come up top; oranges are great too
If supplementing, how much is good?
Most studies have used doses in the 100mg–200mg (per day) range.
However, it’s also been found to be safe at 1200mg (per day), for example in this high-quality study that found that higher doses resulted in greater benefit, in patients with early Parkinson’s Disease:
Effects of coenzyme Q10 in early Parkinson disease: evidence of slowing of the functional decline
Wondering where you can get it?
We don’t sell it (or anything else for that matter), and you can probably find it in your local supermarket or health food store. However, if you’d like to buy it online, here’s an example product on Amazon
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How To Keep On Keeping On?
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How To Keep On Keeping On… Long Term!
For many when it comes to health-related goals and practices, it’s easy to find ourselves in a bit of a motivational dip around this time of year. The enthusiasm of new year’s resolutions has been and gone, and there’s not yet much of a drive to “get a beach body” or “be summer-ready”.
A word to the wise on those before moving on, though:
- How to get a beach body: take your body to a beach. Voilà. Beach body.
- Remember: the beach is there for your pleasure and entertainment, not the other way around!
- How to be summer-ready: the real question is, will summer be ready for you?
But what is this, demotivational rhetoric to discourage you from getting fit and healthy?
Not at all, but rather, to be sure that you’re pursuing your own goals and not just what you feel might be expected of you.
All that in mind, let’s get to the tips…
Focus on adding health
It can be tempting (and even, good) to cut down on unhealthy things. But when it comes to motivation, it’s harder to stay motivated for deprivation, than it is for some healthy addition to life.
So for example, this philosophy would advocate for:
- Instead of counting calories, count steps! Or even…
- Instead of counting calories, count colors! Eat the rainbow and all that. No, skittles do not count, but eating a variety of naturally different-colored foods will tend to result in adding different nutrients to your diet.
- Instead of cutting out sugar, add fruit! How many per day will you go for? If you don’t eat much fruit as it is, consider making it a goal to have even just one piece of fruit a day, then build up from there. Find fruit you like! If you pick the fruit you want instead of the fruit you think you “should” have, it’s basically a dessert snack.
We’ve recommended it before, and we’ll recommend it again, but if you’re interested in “adding health”, you should definitely check out:
Dr. Greger’s Daily Dozen (checklist, plus app if you want it)
More details: it’s a checklist of 12 things you should try to include in your diet, with a free streak-tracking app, if you want it, all based on the same scientific research as the best-selling book “How Not To Die”.
“Minimum effort!”
Did you see the movie “Deadpool”? The protagonist has a catch-phrase as he goes into battle, saying to himself “Maximum effort!”.
And, that’s all very well and good if your superpower is immediate recovery from pretty much anything, but for the rest of us, sometimes it’s good to hold ourselves to “minimum effort!”.
Sometimes, something worth doing is worth doing just a little a bit. It’s always better than nothing! Even if feels like you gained nothing from it, it’s the foundation of a habit, and the habit will grow and add up. Sometimes it may even take you by surprise…
Don’t feel like doing 20 bodyweight squats? Do literally just one. Make a deal with yourself: do just one, then you can stop if you like. Then after you’ve done one, you might think to yourself “huh, that wasn’t so bad”, and you try out a few more. Maybe after 5 you can feel your blood pumping a bit and you think “you know what, that’s enough for now”, and great, you did 5x as much exercise as you planned! Wonder what you’ll do tomorrow!
(personal note from your writer here: I’ve managed to “just extend this exercise a little bit more than last time” my way into hour-long exercise sessions before now; I started with “just 10 squats” or “just one sun salutation” etc, to get myself out of a no-exercise period that I’d slipped into, and it’s amazing how quickly adding just a little bit to the previous day’s “minimum effort!” adds up to a very respectable daily exercise session)
Wondering what a good, easy, respectable short term goal could be?
Check Out, For Example: The Seven-Minute Workout
(You might have heard of this one before; it’s an incredibly efficient well-optimized short complete workout that requires no special equipment, just a bit of floorspace and a wall—the above app allows for customizations of it per your preferences, but the basic routine is an excellent starting point for most people)
Commit to yourself (and do any self-negotiation up-front)
Really commit, though. No “or I will look silly because I told people I’d do it”, no “or I will donate x amount to charity” etc, just “I will do it and that’s that”. If you find yourself second-guessing yourself or renegotiating with yourself, just shut that down immediately and refuse to consider it.
Note: you should have break-clauses in this contract with yourself, though. For example, “unless I am ill or injured” is a sensible rule to have in advance for most exercise regimes that weren’t undertaken with your illness or injury in mind.
Make a “To-Don’t” list
Much like how addicts are often advised to not try to quit more than one thing at once, we must also be mindful of not taking on too much at once. It can be very tempting to think:
“I will turn my life around, now! I’ll quit alcohol and animal products and sugar and refined grains, and I’ll go for a run each morning, and I’ll do this and that and there, I’ve got it, here is the blueprint for my healthy perfect life from this day forth!”
And, it’s great to have any and all of that as your end goal if you want, but please, pick one or two things at most to start with, focus on those, and when those have become second nature to you and just a normal part of your life, then choose the next thing to work on.
(You can plan out the whole thing in advance if you want! i.e., I’ll do this, then this, then this, but just… make sure that you’ve really got each one down to a matter of comfort and ease before you take up the next one)
In summary:
- Focus on adding health, whatever that looks like to you
- Figure out what “minimum effort!” is for you, and let that be your baseline
- Commit to yourself (and do any self-negotiation up-front, not later)
- Decide what you’re not going to do yet, and stick to that, too.
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- How to get a beach body: take your body to a beach. Voilà. Beach body.
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Celeriac vs Celery – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing celeriac to celery, we picked the celeriac.
Why?
Yes, these are essentially the same plant, but there are important nutritional differences:
In terms of macros, celeriac has more than 2x the protein, and slightly more carbs and fiber. Both are very low glycemic index, so the higher protein and fiber makes celeriac the winner in this category.
In the category of vitamins, celeriac has more of vitamins B1, B3, B5, B6, C, E, K, and choline, while celery has more of vitamins A and B9. An easy win for celeriac.
When it comes to minerals, celeriac has more copper, calcium, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc, while celery is not higher in any minerals. Another obvious win for celeriac.
Adding these sections up makes for a clear overall win for celeriac, but by all means enjoy either or both!
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
What’s Your Plant Diversity Score?
Take care!
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Beyond Burger vs Beef Burger – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing the Beyond Burger to a grass-fed beef burger, we picked the Beyond Burger—but it was very close.
Why?
The macronutrient profiles of the two are almost identical, including the amount of protein, the amount of fat, and the amount of that fat that’s saturated.
Where they stand apart is in two ways:
1) Red meat is classed as a group 2A carcinogen
2) The Beyond Burger contains more sodium (about 1/5 of the daily allowance according to the AHA, or 1/4 of the daily allowance according to the WHO)Neither of those things are great, so how to decide which is worse?
• Cancer and heart disease are both killers, with heart disease claiming more victims.
• However, we do need some sodium to live, whereas we don’t need carcinogens to live.Tie-breaker: the sodium content in the Beyond Burger is likely to be offset by the fact that it’s a fully seasoned burger and will be eaten as-is, whereas the beef burger will doubtlessly have seasonings added before it’s eaten—which may cause it to equal or even exceed the salt content of the Beyond Burger.
The cancer risk for the beef burger, meanwhile, stays one-sided.
One thing’s for sure though: neither of them are exactly a cornerstone of a healthy diet, and either are best enjoyed as an occasional indulgence.
Some further reading:
• Lesser-Known Salt Risks
• Food Choices And Cancer Risk
• Hypertension: Factors Far More Relevant Than SaltDon’t Forget…
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Blackberries vs Grapes – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing blackberries to grapes, we picked the blackberries.
Why?
It’s not even close:
In terms of macros, blackberries have more than 5x the fiber, for about half the carbs, resulting in a notably lower glycemic index. They also have more than 2x the protein, but unlike the fiber, it’s not much in either fruit, so we might disregard it. Still, an easy win for blackberries either way.
In the category of vitamins, blackberries have more of vitamins A, B3, B5, B9, C, E, K, and choline, while grapes have more of vitamins B1, B2, and B6. Another clear win for blackberries.
When it comes to minerals, blackberries have a lot more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, selenium, and zinc, while grapes have slightly more manganese and potassium. Once again, blackberries emerge victorious.
Looking at polyphenols, both have an abundance of many polyphenols, but blackberries have more, both in types and in total mass (mg/100g).
Thus, blackberries overwhelmingly win the day, but by all means enjoy either or both; diversity is good!
Want to learn more?
You might like:
Can We Drink To Good Health? ← while there are polyphenols such as resveratrol in red wine that per se would boost heart health, there’s so little per glass that you may need 100–1000 glasses per day to get the dosage that provides benefits in mouse studies.
If you’re not a mouse, you might even need more than that!
To this end, many people prefer resveratrol supplementation ← link is to an example product on Amazon, but there are plenty more so feel free to shop around 😎
Enjoy!
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Feeding your baby butter won’t help them sleep through the night, whatever TikTok says
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Sleep is the holy grail for new parents. So no wonder many tired parents are looking for something to help their babies sleep.
A TikTok trend claims giving your baby a tablespoon or two of butter in the evening will help them sleep more at night.
As we’ll see, butter is just the latest food that promises to help babies sleep at night. But no single food can do this.
So if you’re a new parent and desperate for a good night’s sleep, here’s what to try instead.
BaLL LunLa/Shutterstock Is my baby’s sleep normal?
Babies need help to fall asleep, through feeding, movement (like rocking) or touch (like a cuddle or massage).
Newborn babies also do not know night from day. Melatonin in breastmilk helps babies sleep more at night until they start to make this sleep-inducing hormone themselves. Bottlefed newborn babies do not have access to this melatonin. Regardless of how you feed your baby, it can take several months for them to develop a sleep pattern with longer stretches at night.
Babies also sleep lighter than older children and adults. Light sleep helps ensure they continue breathing, protecting them from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). It also means they wake easily and often.
The idea that babies should sleep deeply, alone and for long stretches, goes against their physiology. So “sleeping like a baby” usually means waking quite a lot at night.
Yet, many parents have been asked whether their baby is sleeping through the night and is a “good baby”. The perception is that if a baby doesn’t sleep for long stretches at night, it must be “bad”.
This may lead parents to say their babies sleep longer than they really do, setting unrealistic expectations for other new parents.
Could feeding butter do any harm?
The social pressure around baby sleep can add stress and anxiety for new parents. So the Tiktok trend about feeding babies butter may seem tempting.
But giving babies any solid food before they are around six months old is not recommended. Babies’ digestive systems are not ready for solid food until they are around six months and feeding them before this can cause constipation or make them more likely to catch an illness. For this reason alone, you should not give your young baby butter.
From about six months old, babies should be offered nutritious, iron-rich solid foods. Butter doesn’t fit this bill because it is almost all saturated fat. If butter replaces more nutritious foods, babies may not get the vitamins and minerals they need.
Butter is just the latest food claimed to help babies sleep better at night. Pixel-Shot/Shutterstock Butter is the latest in a long line of beliefs about certain foods making babies sleep longer at night. It was once thought that adding cereal or crushed arrowroot biscuits in bottle of milk before bedtime would make them sleep longer. Research found this did not increase sleep at all.
Similarly, there is no evidence that giving babies butter before bed makes them sleep longer.
In fact, research shows the foods babies eat make no difference to night waking.
What else can I try?
Waking overnight doesn’t necessarily mean a baby is hungry. And stopping breastfeeds or bottle feeds overnight doesn’t necessarily reduce night waking.
Your baby could be too hot or cold, or need a nappy change. But some babies continue to wake at night even without an obvious problem.
The good news is, sleeping is a skill babies develop naturally as they grow.
Behavioural sleep interventions, known as “sleep training”, are not very effective in increasing overnight sleep. In one study, sleep training did not reduce the number of night wakes and only increased the length of the longest sleep by about 16 minutes. Sleep training is especially not recommended for babies under six months.
The good news is that babies do eventually get the hang of sleeping at night. Miljan Zivkovic/Shutterstock Look after yourself
If you’re missing out on sleep at night, try to have small naps during the day while your baby sleeps. Ask friends and family to do some chores to allow you to nap.
If your baby is crying and you find yourself getting overwhelmed it is OK to put your baby down somewhere safe (like a cot or baby mat) and take some time to settle yourself.
If your baby’s sleep pattern changes significantly or they haven’t slept at all for more than a day, or if your baby seems to have pain or a fever see your doctor, or family and child health nurse, as soon as possible.
Some helpful resources
If you think your baby is not sleeping well because of a breastfeeding problem, the Australian Breastfeeding Association has a national helpline. The association can also advise on co-sleeping.
The charity Little Sparklers provides peer support for parents, including someone to chat to, about baby sleep. It also has helpful resources.
UNICEF has resources about caring for your baby at night. And the UK-based Baby Sleep Info Source (Basis) provides evidence-based information about babies and sleep.
Karleen Gribble, Adjunct Professor, School of Nursing and Midwifery, Western Sydney University; Naomi Hull, PhD candidate, Sydney School of Public Health, University of Sydney, and Nina Jane Chad, Research Fellow, University of Sydney School of Public Health, University of Sydney
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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