ADHD For Smart Ass Women – by Tracy Otsuka

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We’ve reviewed books about ADHD in adults before, what makes this one different? It’s the wholly female focus. Which is not to say some things won’t apply to men too, they will.

But while most books assume a male default unless it’s “bikini zone” health issues, this one is written by a woman for women focusing on the (biological and social) differences in ADHD for us.

A strength of the book is that it neither seeks to:

  • over-medicalize things in a way that any deviation from the norm is inherently bad and must be fixed, nor
  • pretend that everything’s a bonus, that we are superpowered and beautiful and perfect and capable and have no faults that might ever need addressing actually

…instead, it gives a good explanation of the ins and outs of ADHD in women, the strengths and weaknesses that this brings, and good solid advice on how to play to the strengths and reduce (or at least work around) the weaknesses.

Bottom line: this book has been described as “ADHD 2.0 (a very popular book that we’ve reviewed previously), but for women”, and it deserves that.

Click here to check out ADHD for Smart Ass Women, and fall in love with your neurodivergent brain!

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  • Codependency Isn’t What Most People Think It Is

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    Codependency isn’t what most people think it is

    In popular parlance, people are often described as “codependent” when they rely on each other to function normally. That’s interdependent mutualism, and while it too can become a problem if a person is deprived of their “other half” and has no idea how to do laundry and does not remember to take their meds, it’s not codependency.

    Codependency finds its origins in the treatment and management of alcoholism, and has been expanded to encompass other forms of relationships with dependence on substances and/or self-destructive behaviors—which can be many things, including the non-physical, for example a pattern of irresponsible impulse-spending, or sabotaging one’s own relationship(s).

    We’ll use the simplest example, though:

    • Person A is (for example) an alcoholic. They have a dependency.
    • Person B, married to A, is not an alcoholic. However, their spouse’s dependency affects them greatly, and they do what they can to manage that, and experience tension between wanting to “save” their spouse, and wanting their spouse to be ok, which latter, superficially, often means them having their alcohol.

    Person B is thus said to be “codependent”.

    The problem with codependency

    The problems of codependency are mainly twofold:

    1. The dependent partner’s dependency is enabled and thus perpetuated by the codependent partner—they might actually have to address their dependency, if it weren’t for their partner keeping them from too great a harm (be it financially, socially, psychologically, medically, whatever)
    2. The codependent partner is not having a good time of it either. They have the stress of two lives with the resources (e.g. time) of one. They are stressing about something they cannot control, understandably worrying about their loved one, and, worse: every action they might take to “save” their loved one by reducing the substance use, is an action that makes their partner unhappy, and causes conflict too.

    Note: codependency is often a thing in romantic relationships, but it can appear in other relationships too, e.g. parent-child, or even between friends.

    See also: Development and validation of a revised measure of codependency

    How to deal with this

    If you find yourself in a codependent position, or are advising someone who is, there are some key things that can help:

    • Be a nurturer, not a rescuer. It is natural to want to “rescue” someone we care about, but there are some things we cannot do for them. Instead, we must look for ways to build their strength so that they can take the steps that only they can take to fix the problem.
    • Establish boundaries. Practise saying “no”, and also be clear over what things you can and cannot control—and let go of the latter. Communicate this, though. An “I’m not the boss of you” angle can prompt a lot of people to take more personal responsibility.
    • Schedule time for yourself. You might take some ideas from our previous tangentially-related article:

    How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)

    Want to read more?

    That’s all we have space for today, but here’s a very useful page with a lot of great resources (including questionnaires and checklist and things, in case you’re thinking “is it, or…?”)

    Codependency: What Are The Signs & How To Overcome It

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  • From Lupus To Arthritis: New Developments

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This week’s health news round-up highlights some things that are getting better, and some things that are getting worse, and how to be on the right side of both:

    New hope for lupus sufferers

    Lupus is currently treated mostly with lifelong medications to suppress the immune system, which is not only inconvenient, but also can leave people more open to infectious diseases. The latest development uses CAR T-cell technology (as has been used in cancer treatment for a while) to genetically modify cells to enable the body’s own immune system to behave properly:

    Read in full: Exciting new lupus treatment could end need for lifelong medication

    Related: How to Prevent (Or Reduce The Severity Of) Inflammatory Diseases

    It’s in the hips

    There are a lot of different kinds of hip replacements, and those with either delta ceramic or oxidised zirconium head with a highly cross-linked polyethylene liner/cup have the lowest risk of need for revision in the 15 years after surgery. This is important, because obviously, once it’s in there, you want it to be able to stay in there and not have to be touched again any time soon:

    Read in full: Study identifies hip implant materials with the lowest risk of needing revision

    Related: Nobody Likes Surgery, But Here’s How To Make It Much Less Bad

    Sooner is better than later

    Often, people won’t know about an unwanted pregnancy in the first six weeks, but for those who are able to catch it early, Very Early Medical Abortion (VEMA) offers a safe an effective way of doing so, with success rate being linked to earliness of intervention:

    Read in full: Very early medication abortion is effective and safe, study finds

    Related: What Might A Second Trump Presidency Look Like for Health Care?

    Increased infectious disease risks from cattle farms

    Many serious-to-humans infectious diseases enter the human population via the animal food chain, and in this case, bird flu becoming more rampant amongst cows is starting to pose a clear threat to humans, so this is definitely something to be aware of:

    Read in full: Bird flu infects 1 in 14 dairy workers exposed; CDC urges better protections

    Related: With Only Gloves To Protect Them, Farmworkers Say They Tend Sick Cows Amid Bird Flu

    Herald of woe

    Gut health affects most of the rest of health, and there are a lot of links between gut and bone health. In this case, an association has been found between certain changes in the gut microbiome, and subsequent onset of rheumatoid arthritis:

    Read in full: Changes in gut microbiome could signal onset of rheumatoid arthritis

    Related: Stop Sabotaging Your Gut

    Take care!

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  • 4 Practices To Build Self-Worth That Lasts

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Self-worth is internal, based on who you are, not what you do or external validation. It differs from self-esteem, which is more performance-based. High self-worth doesn’t necessarily mean arrogance, but can lead to more confidence and success. Most importantly, it’ll help you to thrive in what’s actually most important to you, rather than being swept along by what other people want.

    A stable foundation

    A strong sense of self-worth shapes how you handle boundaries, what you believe you deserve, and what you pursue in life. This matters, because life is unpredictable, so having a resilient internal foundation (like a secure “house”) helps you to weather challenges.

    1. Self-acceptance and compassion:
      • Accept both your positive and negative traits with compassion.
      • Don’t judge yourself harshly; allow yourself to accept imperfections without guilt or shame.
    2. Self-trust:
      • Trust yourself to make choices that benefit you and create habits that support long-term well-being—especially if those benefits are cumulative!
      • Balance self-care with flexibility to enjoy life without being overly rigid.
    3. Get uncomfortable:
      • Growth happens outside your comfort zone. Step into new, challenging experiences to build self-trust.
      • However! Small uncomfortable actions lead to greater confidence and a stronger sense of self. Large uncomfortable actions often doing lead anywhere good.
    4. Separation of tasks:
      • Oftentimes we end up overly preoccupying ourselves with things that are not actually our responsibility. Focus instead on tasks that genuinely belong to you, and let go of trying to control others’ perceptions or tasks.
      • Seek internal validation, not external praise. Avoid people-pleasing behavior.

    Finally, three things to keep in mind:

    • Boundaries: respecting your own boundaries strengthens self-worth, avoiding burnout from people-pleasing.
    • Validation: self-worth is independent of how others perceive you; focus on your integrity and personal growth.
    • Accountability: take responsibility for your actions but recognize that others’ reactions are beyond your control.

    For more on all of these things, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Practise Self-Compassion In Your Relationship (But Watch Out!)

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • Owning Your Weight – by Henri Marcoux
  • Sarah Raven’s Garden Cookbook – by Sarah Raven

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Note: the US Amazon site currently (incorrectly) lists the author as “Jonathan Buckley”. The Canadian, British, and Australian sites all list the author correctly as Sarah Raven, and some (correctly) credit Jonathan Buckley as the photographer she used.

    First, what it’s not: a gardening book. Beyond a few helpful tips, pointers, and “plant here, harvest here” instructions, this book assumes you are already capable of growing your own vegetables.

    She does assume you are in a temperate climate, so if you are not, this might not be the book for you. Although! The recipes are still great; it’s just you’d have to shop for the ingredients and they probably won’t be fresh local produce for the exact same reason that you didn’t grow them.

    If you are in a temperate climate though, this will take you through the year of seasonal produce (if you’re in a temperate climate but it’s in for example Australia, you’ll need to make a six-month adjustment for being in the S. Hemisphere), with many recipes to use not just one ingredient from your garden at a time, but a whole assortment, consistent with the season.

    About the recipes: they (which are 450 in number) are (as you might imagine) very plant-forward, but they’re generally not vegan and often not vegetarian. So, don’t expect that you’ll produce everything yourself—just most of the ingredients!

    Bottom line: if you like cooking, and are excited by the idea of growing your own food but are unsure how regularly you can integrate that, this book will keep you happily busy for a very long time.

    Click here to check out Sarah Raven’s Garden Cookbook, and level-up your home cooking!

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  • People with dementia aren’t currently eligible for voluntary assisted dying. Should they be?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Dementia is the second leading cause of death for Australians aged over 65. More than 421,000 Australians currently live with dementia and this figure is expected to almost double in the next 30 years.

    There is ongoing public discussion about whether dementia should be a qualifying illness under Australian voluntary assisted dying laws. Voluntary assisted dying is now lawful in all six states, but is not available for a person living with dementia.

    The Australian Capital Territory has begun debating its voluntary assisted dying bill in parliament but the government has ruled out access for dementia. Its view is that a person should retain decision-making capacity throughout the process. But the bill includes a requirement to revisit the issue in three years.

    The Northern Territory is also considering reform and has invited views on access to voluntary assisted dying for dementia.

    Several public figures have also entered the debate. Most recently, former Australian Chief Scientist, Ian Chubb, called for the law to be widened to allow access.

    Others argue permitting voluntary assisted dying for dementia would present unacceptable risks to this vulnerable group.

    Inside Creative House/Shutterstock

    Australian laws exclude access for dementia

    Current Australian voluntary assisted dying laws exclude access for people who seek to qualify because they have dementia.

    In New South Wales, the law specifically states this.

    In the other states, this occurs through a combination of the eligibility criteria: a person whose dementia is so advanced that they are likely to die within the 12 month timeframe would be highly unlikely to retain the necessary decision-making capacity to request voluntary assisted dying.

    This does not mean people who have dementia cannot access voluntary assisted dying if they also have a terminal illness. For example, a person who retains decision-making capacity in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease with terminal cancer may access voluntary assisted dying.

    What happens internationally?

    Voluntary assisted dying laws in some other countries allow access for people living with dementia.

    One mechanism, used in the Netherlands, is through advance directives or advance requests. This means a person can specify in advance the conditions under which they would want to have voluntary assisted dying when they no longer have decision-making capacity. This approach depends on the person’s family identifying when those conditions have been satisfied, generally in consultation with the person’s doctor.

    Another approach to accessing voluntary assisted dying is to allow a person with dementia to choose to access it while they still have capacity. This involves regularly assessing capacity so that just before the person is predicted to lose the ability to make a decision about voluntary assisted dying, they can seek assistance to die. In Canada, this has been referred to as the “ten minutes to midnight” approach.

    But these approaches have challenges

    International experience reveals these approaches have limitations. For advance directives, it can be difficult to specify the conditions for activating the advance directive accurately. It also requires a family member to initiate this with the doctor. Evidence also shows doctors are reluctant to act on advance directives.

    Particularly challenging are scenarios where a person with dementia who requested voluntary assisted dying in an advance directive later appears happy and content, or no longer expresses a desire to access voluntary assisted dying.

    Older man looks confused
    What if the person changes their mind? Jokiewalker/Shutterstock

    Allowing access for people with dementia who retain decision-making capacity also has practical problems. Despite regular assessments, a person may lose capacity in between them, meaning they miss the window before midnight to choose voluntary assisted dying. These capacity assessments can also be very complex.

    Also, under this approach, a person is required to make such a decision at an early stage in their illness and may lose years of otherwise enjoyable life.

    Some also argue that regardless of the approach taken, allowing access to voluntary assisted dying would involve unacceptable risks to a vulnerable group.

    More thought is needed before changing our laws

    There is public demand to allow access to voluntary assisted dying for dementia in Australia. The mandatory reviews of voluntary assisted dying legislation present an opportunity to consider such reform. These reviews generally happen after three to five years, and in some states they will occur regularly.

    The scope of these reviews can vary and sometimes governments may not wish to consider changes to the legislation. But the Queensland review “must include a review of the eligibility criteria”. And the ACT bill requires the review to consider “advanced care planning”.

    Both reviews would require consideration of who is able to access voluntary assisted dying, which opens the door for people living with dementia. This is particularly so for the ACT review, as advance care planning means allowing people to request voluntary assisted dying in the future when they have lost capacity.

    Holding hands
    The legislation undergoes a mandatory review. Jenny Sturm/Shutterstock

    This is a complex issue, and more thinking is needed about whether this public desire for voluntary assisted dying for dementia should be implemented. And, if so, how the practice could occur safely, and in a way that is acceptable to the health professionals who will be asked to provide it.

    This will require a careful review of existing international models and their practical implementation as well as what would be feasible and appropriate in Australia.

    Any future law reform should be evidence-based and draw on the views of people living with dementia, their family caregivers, and the health professionals who would be relied on to support these decisions.

    Ben White, Professor of End-of-Life Law and Regulation, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology; Casey Haining, Research Fellow, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology; Lindy Willmott, Professor of Law, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology, Queensland University of Technology, and Rachel Feeney, Postdoctoral research fellow, Queensland University of Technology

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • What Your Doctor Wants You to Know to Crush Medical Debt – by Dr. Virgie Ellington

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    First things first: this one’s really only of relevance to people living in the US. That’s most of our readership, but if it’s not you, then apologies, this one won’t be of interest.

    For the US Americans, though, Dr. Ellington starts strong with “you got a bill—now get the right bill”, and then gives a step-by-step process for finding the mistakes in your medical bills, fixing them, dealing with insurers who do not want to live up to their part of the bargain, and how to minimize what you need to pay, when you actually arrive at your final bill.

    The biggest strength of this book is the wealth of insider knowledge (the author has worked as a primary care physician as well as as a health insurance executive), and while this information won’t stay current forever, its relatively recent publication date (2022) means that little has changed since then, and once you’re up to speed with how things are now, it’ll be easy to roll with whatever changes may come in the future.

    Bottom line: if you’re living in the US and would like to not be ripped off as badly as possible when it comes to healthcare costs, this book is a very small, very powerful, investment.

    Click here to check out What Your Doctor Wants You to Know To Crush Medical Debt, and be armed with knowledge!

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