A Urologist Explains Edging: What, Why, & Is It Safe?
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“Edging” is the practice of intentionally delaying orgasm, which can be enjoyed by anyone, with a partner or alone.
On the edge
Question: why?
Answer: the more tension is built up, the stronger the orgasm can be at the end of it. And, even before then, pleasure along the way is pleasure along the way, which is generally considered a good thing—especially for any (usually but not always women, for hormonal and social reasons) who find it difficult to orgasm. It’s also a great way to experiment and learn more about one’s own body and/or that of one’s partner(s), personal responses, and so forth. Also, for any (usually but not always men, for hormonal reasons) who find they usually orgasm sooner than they’d like, it’s a great way to change that, if changing that is what’s wanted.
Bonus answer: for some (usually but not always men, for hormonal reasons) who find they have an uncomfortable slump in mood after orgasm, that can simply be skipped entirely, postponed for another time, etc, with pleasure being derived from the sexual activity rather than orgasm. That way, there’s a lasting dopamine high, with no prolactin crash afterwards ← this is very much tied to male hormones, by the way. If you have female hormones, there’s usually no prolactin crash either way, and instead, the post-orgasm spike in oxytocin is stronger, and a wave of serotonin makes the later decline of dopamine much more gentle.
Question: can it cause any problems?
Answer: yep! Or rather, subjectively, it may be considered so—this is obviously a personal matter and your mileage may vary. The main problem it may cause is that if practised habitually, it may result in greater difficulty achieving orgasm, simply because the body has got used to “ok, when we do this (sex/masturbation), we are in no particular rush to do that (orgasm)”. So whether not this would be a worry for you is down to any given individual. Lastly, if your intent was a long edging session with an orgasm at the end and then something happened to interrupt that, then your orgasm may be unintentionally postponed to another time, which again, may be more or less of an issue depending on your feelings about that.
For more on these things including advice on how to try it, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
- Mythbusting The Big O ← 10almonds main feature on orgasms, health, and associated myths
- Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections – by Dr. Emily Nagoski
- Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire – by Dr. Lori Brotto
Take care!
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If Your Adult Kid Calls In Crisis…
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Parent(s) To The Rescue?
We’ve written before about the very common (yes, really, it is common) phenomenon of estrangement between parents and adult children:
Family Estrangement & How To Fix It
We’ve also written about the juggling act that can be…
Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life
…which includes dealing with such situations as supporting each other through difficult times, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.
But what about when one’s [adult] child is in crisis?
When a parent’s job never ends
Hopefully, we have not been estranged (or worse, bereaved) by our children.
In which case, when crisis hits, we are likely to be amongst the first to whom our children will reach out for support. Naturally, we will want to help. But how can we do that, and where (if applicable) to draw the line?
No “helicopter parenting”
If you’ve not heard the term “helicopter parenting”, it refers to the sort of parents who hover around, waiting to swoop in at a moment’s notice.
This is most often applied to parents of kids of university age and downwards, but it’s worth keeping it in mind at any age.
After all, we do want our kids to be able to solve their own problems if possible!
So, if you’ve ever advised your kid to “take a deep breath and count to 10” (or even if you haven’t), then, consider doing that too, and then…
Listen first!
If your first reaction isn’t to join them in panic, it might be to groan and “oh not again”. But for now, quietly shelve that, and listen to whatever it is.
See also: Active Listening (Without Sounding Like A Furby)
And certainly, do your best to maintain your own calm while listening. Your kid is in all likelihood looking to you to be the rock in the storm, so let’s be that.
Empower them, if you can
Maybe they just needed to vent. If so, the above will probably cover it.
More likely, they need help.
Perhaps they need guidance, from your greater life experience. Sometimes things that can seem like overwhelming challenges to one person, are a thing we dealt with 20 or more years ago (it probably felt overwhelming to us at the time, too, but here we are, the other side of it).
Tip: ask “are you looking for my guidance/advice/etc?” before offering it. Doing so will make it much more likely to be accepted rather than rejected as unsolicited advice.
Chances are, they will take the life-ring offered.
It could be that that’s not what they had in mind, and they’re looking for material support. If so…
When it’s about money or similar
Tip: it’s worth thinking about this sort of thing in advance (now is great, if you have adult kids), and ask yourself nowwhat you’d be prepared to give in that regard, e.g:
- if they need money, how much (if any) are you willing and able to provide?
- if they want/need to come stay with you, how prepared are you for that (including: if they want/need to actually move back in with you for a while, which is increasingly common these days)?
Having these answers in your head ready will make the conversation a lot less difficult in the moment, and will avoid you giving a knee-jerk response you might regret (in either direction).
Have a counteroffer up your sleeve if necessary
Maybe:
- you can’t solve their life problem for them, but you can help them find a therapist (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their money problem for them, but you can help them find a free debt advice service (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their residence problem for them, but you can help them find a service that can help with that (if applicable, for example)
You don’t need to brainstorm now for every option; you’re a parent, not Batman. But it’s a lot easier to think through such hypothetical thought-experiments now, than it will be with your fraught kid on the phone later.
Magic words to remember: “Let’s find a way through this for you”
Don’t forget to look after yourself
Many of us, as parents, will tend to not think twice before sacrificing something for our kid(s). That’s generally laudable, but we must avoid accidentally becoming “the giving tree” who has nothing left for ourself, and that includes our mental energy and our personal peace.
That doesn’t mean that when our kid comes in crisis we say “Shh, stop disturbing my personal peace”, but it does mean that we remember to keep at least some boundaries (also figure out now what they are, too!), and to take care of ourselves too.
The following article was written with a slightly different scenario in mind, but the advice remains just as valid here:
How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)
Take care!
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5 ways to naturally boost the “Ozempic Effect”
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Dr. Jason Fung is perhaps most well-known for his work in functional medicine for reversing diabetes, and he’s once again giving us sound advice about metabolic hormone-hacking with dietary tweaks:
All about incretin
As you may gather from the thumbnail, this video is about incretin, a hormone group (the most well-known of which is GLP-1, as in GLP-1 agonists like semaglutide drugs such as Ozempic, Wegovy, etc) that slows down stomach emptying, which means a gentler blood sugar curve and feeling fuller for longer. It also acts on the hypothalmus, controlling appetite via the brain too (signalling fullness and reducing hunger).
Dr. Fung recommends 5 ways to increase incretin levels:
- Enjoy dietary fat: healthy kinds, please (e.g. nuts, seeds, eggs, etc—not fried foods), but this increases incretin levels more than carbs
- Enjoy protein: again, prompts higher incretin levels of promotes satiety
- Enjoy fiber: this is more about slowing digestion, but when it’s fermented in the gut into short-chain fatty acids, those too increase incretin secretion
- Enjoy bitter foods: these don’t actually affect incretin levels, but they can bind to incretin receptors, making the body “believe” that you got more incretin (think of it like a skeleton key that fits the lock that was designed to be opened by a different key)
- Enjoy turmeric: for its curcumin content, which increases GLP-1 levels specifically
For more information on each of these, here’s Dr. Fung himself:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
- Semaglutide for Weight Loss?
- Ozempic vs Five Natural Supplements
- How To Prevent And Reverse Type 2 Diabetes ← this was our “Expert Insights” feature on Dr. Fung’s work
Take care!
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It Didn’t Start with You – by Mark Wolynn
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There is a trend in psychology to “blame the parents” for “childhood trauma” that can result in problems later in life. Sometimes fairly, sometimes not. This book’s mostly not about that.
It does touch on our own childhood trauma, if applicable. But mostly, it’s about epigenetic trauma inheritance. In other words, not just trauma that’s passed on in terms of “the cycle of abuse”, but trauma that’s passed on in terms of “this generation experienced trauma x, developed trauma response y, encoded it epigenetically, and passed it on to their offspring”.
So, how does one heal from a trauma one never directly experienced, and just inherited the response to it? That’s what most of this book is about, after establishing how epigenetic trauma inheritance works.
The author, a therapist, provides practical advice for how to do the things that can be done to rewrite the epigenetic code we inherited. Better late than never!
Bottom line: it is well-established that trauma is inheritable. But unlike one’s eye color or the ability to smell asparagus metabolites in urine, we can rewrite epigenetic things, to a degree. This book explains how.
Click here to check out It Didn’t Start With You, and put things to rest!
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The Joy Of Missing Out
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
What this is not going to be: a sour grapes thing.
What this is going to be: an exploration of how the grass is greener
on the other side of the fencewherever you water itIt’s easy to feel lonely and isolated, even in today’s increasingly-connected world. We’ve tackled that topic before:
How To Beat Loneliness & Isolation
One of the more passive (but still reasonable) ways of reducing isolation is to simply say “yes” more, which we discussed (along with other more active strategies) here:
When The World Moves Without Us… Can We Side-Step Age-Related Alienation?
But, is there any benefit to be gained from not being in the thick of things?
Sometimes some things associated with isolation are not, in reality, necessarily isolating. See for example:
But, the implications of embracing the “joy of missing out” are much more wide-reaching:
Wherever you are, there you are
You’ve probably read before the phrase “wherever you go, there you are”, but this phrasing brings attention to the fact that you already are where you are.
There are quite possibly aspects of your current life/situation that are not ideal, but take a moment to appreciate where you are in life. At the very least, you are probably in a safe warm dry house with plenty of food available; chances are you have plenty of luxuries too.
See also: How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)
And yet, it’s easy to have a fear of missing out. Even billionaires fear they do not have enough and must acquire more in order to be truly secure and fulfilled.
As it goes for material wealth, so it also goes for social wealth—in other words, we may worry about such questions as: on whom can we rely, and who will be there for us if we need them? Do we, ultimately, have enough social capital to be secure?
- For social media influencers, it’ll be follower counts and engagement.
- For the family-oriented, it might be the question of whose house a given holiday gets celebrated at, and who attends, and who does it best.
- In more somber matters, think about funerals, and those where “there was such a huge turnout” vs “almost nobody attended”.
It sure sounds a lot like a dog-eat-dog world in which missing out sucks! But it doesn’t have to.
So let’s recap: your current situation is probably, all things considered, not bad. There is probably much in life to enjoy. If people do not come to your holiday event, then those are not people who would have improved things for you. If people do not attend your funeral even, then well, you yourself will be late, so hey.
Right now though, you are alive, so…
Enjoy the moment; enjoy your life for you.
Invest in yourself. Better yourself. Improve your environment for yourself little by little.
We spend a lot of time in life living up to everyone’s expectations, often without stopping to question whether it is what we want, or sometimes putting aside what we want in favor of what is wanted of us.
- Sometimes, such ostensible altruism is laudable and good (the point of today’s article is not “be a selfish jerk”; sometimes we should indeed shelve our self-interest in favour of doing something for the common good)
- Sometimes, it’s just pointless sacrifice that benefits nobody (the point of today’s article is “there is no point in playing stressful, stacked games when you could have a better time not doing that”)
If you are about to embark on an endeavor that you don’t really want to, take a moment to seriously consider which of the above two situations this is, and then act accordingly.
For a deeper dive into that, you might like this book that we reviewed a while back:
The Joy of Saying No – by Natalie Lue
Enjoy!
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Green Curry Salmon Burgers
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These lean and healthy burgers are as quick and easy to make as they are good for entertaining. The serving-bed has its nutritional secrets too! All in all, an especially heart-healthy and brain-healthy dish.
You will need
- 4 skinless salmon fillets, cubed (Vegetarian/Vegan? Consider this Plant-Based Salmon Recipe or, since they are getting blended, simply substitute 1½ cups cooked chickpeas instead with 1 tbsp tahini)
- 2 cloves garlic, chopped
- 2 tbsp thai green curry paste
- juice of two limes, plus wedges to serve
- 1 cup quinoa
- ½ cup edamame beans, thawed if they were frozen
- large bunch fresh cilantro (or parsley if you have the “soap “cilantro tastes like soap” gene), chopped
- extra virgin olive oil, for frying
- 1 tbsp chia seeds
- 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 2 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Put the salmon, garlic, curry paste, nutritional yeast, and half the lime juice into a food processor, and blend until smooth.
2) Remove, divide into four parts, and shape into burger patty shapes. Put them in the fridge where they can firm up while we do the next bit.
3) Cook the quinoa with the tablespoon of chia seeds added (which means boiling water and then letting it simmer for 10–15 minutes; when the quinoa is tender and unfurled a little, it’s done).
4) Drain the quinoa with a sieve, and stir in the edamame beans, the rest of the lime juice, the cilantro, and the black pepper. Set aside.
5) Using the olive oil, fry the salmon burgers for about 5 minutes on each side.
6) Serve; we recommend putting the burgers atop the rest, and adding a dash of lime at the table.
(it can also be served this way!)
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Farmed Fish vs Wild–Caught
- Level-Up Your Fiber Intake! (Without Difficulty Or Discomfort)
- What Omega-3 Fatty Acids Really Do For Us
- If You’re Not Taking Chia, You’re Missing Out
- Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits?
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
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Holy Basil: What Does (And Doesn’t) It Do?
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First, a quick clarification:
- Ocimum sanctum is the botanical name given to what in English we call holy basil, and is what we will be discussing today. It’s also called “tulsi“, so if you see that name around, it is the same plant.
- Ocimum basilicum is the botanical name given to culinary basil, the kind you will find in your local supermarket. This one looks similar, but it has a different taste (culinary basil is sweeter) and a different phytochemical profile, and is certainly not the same plant.
We have touched on holy basil before, in our article:
Herbs For Evidence-Based Health & Healing
…where we listed that it helps boost immunity, per:
It’s popularly also consumed in the hopes of getting many other benefits, including:
- Calming effects on the mood (anti-stress)
- Accelerated wound-healing
- Anticancer activity
So, does it actually do those things?
Against stress
We literally couldn’t find anything. It’s often listed as being adaptogenic (reduces stress) in the preamble part of a given paper’s abstract, but we could find no study in any reputable journal that actually tested its effects against stress, and any citations for the claim just link to other papers that also include it in the preamble—and while “no original research” is a fine policy for, say, Wikipedia, it’s not a great policy when it comes to actual research science.
So… It might! There’s also no research (that we could find) showing that it doesn’t work. But one cannot claim something works on the basis of “we haven’t proved it doesn’t”.
For wound healing
Possibly! We found one (1) paper with a small (n=29) sample, and the results were promising, but that sample size of 29 was divided between three groups: a placebo control, holy basil, and another herb (which latter worked less well). So the resultant groups were tiny, arguably to the point of statistical insignificance. However, taking the study at face value and ignoring the small sample size, the results were very promising, as the holy basil group enjoyed a recovery in 4 weeks, rather than the 5 weeks recovery time of the control group:
Herbal remedies for mandibular fracture healing
An extra limitation that’s worth noting, though, is that healing bone is not necessarily the same as healing other injuries in all ways, so the same results might not be replicated in, say, organ or tissue injuries.
Against cancer
This time, there’s lots of evidence! Its mechanism of action appears to be severalfold:
- Anti-inflammatory
- Antioxidant
- Antitumor
- Chemopreventive
Because of the abundance of evidence (including specifically against skin cancer, lung cancer, breast cancer, and more), we could list studies all day here, but instead we’ll just link this one really good research review that has a handy navigation menu on the right, where you can see how it works in each of the stated ways.
Here’s the paper:
An Update on the Therapeutic Anticancer Potential of Ocimum sanctum L.: “Elixir of Life”
Want to try some?
We don’t sell it, but here for your convenience is an example product on Amazon 😎
Enjoy!
Don’t Forget…
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