Smart Sex – by Dr. Emily Morse

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First, what this isn’t: this isn’t a mere book of sex positions and party tricks, nor is it a book of Cosmo-style “drive your man wild by using hot sauce as lube” advice.

What it offers instead, is a refreshingly mature take on sex, free from the “teehee” titillations and blushes that many books of the genre go for.

Dr. Emily Morse outlines five pillars of sex:

  1. Embodiment
  2. Health
  3. Collaboration
  4. Self-knowledge
  5. Self-acceptance

…and talks about each of them in detail, and how we can bring them together. And, of course, how we or our partner(s) could accidentally sabotage ourselves or each other, and the conversations we can (and should!) have, to work past that.

She also, critically, and this is a big source of value in the book, looks at “pleasure thieves”: stress, trauma, and shame. The advice for overcoming these is not “don’t worry; be happy” but rather is actual practical steps one can take.

The style throughout is direct and unpatronizing. Since the advice within pertains to everyone who has and/or wants an active sex life, very little is divided by gender etc.

There is some attention given to anatomy and physiology, complete with clear diagrams. Honestly, most people could benefit from these, because most people’s knowledge of the relevant anatomy stopped with a very basic high school text book diagram that missed a lot out.

Bottom line: this book spends more time on what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs, and yet is very comprehensive in all areas. Everyone has something to gain from this one.

Click here to check out Smart Sex and stop missing out!

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  • Stop Overthinking – by Nick Trenton
  • Apples vs Figs – Which is Healthier?
    In the battle of nutritional value, figs outshine apples with a higher content of protein, fiber, and essential vitamins and minerals. Choose figs for a nutrient-dense snack.

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  • Soy Beans vs Kidney Beans – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing soy beans to kidney beans, we picked the soy.

    Why?

    In terms of macros, soy has 2x the protein, while kidney beans have nearly 3x the carbs and very slightly more fiber. Ratio-wise, the “very slightly more fiber” does not offset the “nearly 3x the carbs” when it comes to glycemic index (though both are still good, really, but this is a head-to-head so the comparison is relevant), and 2x the protein is also quite a bonus, so this category’s an easy win for soy.

    In the category of vitamins, soy beans have more of vitamins A, B2, B6, C, E, K, and choline, while kidney beans have more of vitamins B3, B5, and B9, thus making for a 7:3 win for soy.

    When it comes to minerals, soy beans have more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc, while kidney beans are not higher in any mineral. Another clear win for soy.

    Adding up the three strong wins for soy, makes for an overall easy win for soy. Still, enjoy either or both; diversity is good!

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Plant vs Animal Protein: Head to Head

    Take care!

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  • How To Avoid Self-Hatred & Learn To Love Oneself More

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Alain de Botton gives a compassionate, but realistic, explanation in this video:

    The enemy within

    Or rather, the collaborator within. Because there’s usually first an enemy without—those who are critical of us, who consider that we are bad people in some fashion, and may indeed get quite colorful in their expressions of this.

    Sometimes, their words will bounce straight off us; sometimes, their words will stick. So what’s the difference, and can we do anything about it?

    The difference is: when their words stick, it’s usually because on some level we believe their words may be true. That doesn’t mean they necessarily are true!

    They could be (and it would be a special kind of hubris to assume no detractor could ever find a valid criticism of us), but very often the reason we have that belief, or at least that fear/insecurity, is simply because it was taught to us at an early age, often by harsh words/actions of those around us; perhaps our parents, perhaps our schoolteachers, perhaps our classmates, and so forth.

    The problem—and solution—is that we learn emotions much the same way that we learn language; only in part by reasoned thought, and rather for the most part, by immersion and repetition.

    It can take a lot of conscious self-talk to undo the harm of decades of unconscious self-talk based on what was probably a few years of external criticisms when we were small and very impressionable… But, having missed the opportunity to start fixing this sooner, the next best time to do it is now.

    We cannot, of course, simply do what a kind friend might do and expect any better results; if a kind friend tells us something nice that we do not believe is true, then however much they mean it, we’re not going to internalize it. So instead, we must simply chip away at those unhelpful longstanding counterproductive beliefs, and simply build up the habit of viewing ourselves in a kinder light.

    For more on all this, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Take care!

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  • Fitness In Our Fifties

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    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    Q: What’s a worthwhile fitness goal for people in their 50s?

    A: At 10almonds, we think that goals are great but habits are better.

    If your goal is to run a marathon, that’s a fine goal, and can be very motivating, but then after the marathon, then what? You’ll look back on it as a great achievement, but what will it do for your future health?

    PS, yes, marathon-running in one’s middle age is a fine and good activity for most people. Maybe skip it if you have osteoporosis or some other relevant problem (check with your doctor), but…

    Marathons in Mid- and Later-Life ← we wrote about the science of it here

    PS, we also explored some science that may be applicable to your other question, on the same page as that about marathons!

    The thing about habits vs goals is that habits give ongoing cumulative (often even: compounding) benefits:

    How To Really Pick Up (And Keep!) Those Habits

    If you pressingly want advice on goals though, our advice is this:

    Make it your goal to be prepared for the health challenges of later life. It may seem gloomy to say that old age is coming for us all if something else doesn’t get us first, but the fact is, old age does not have to come with age-related decline, and the very least, we can increase our healthspan (so we’re hitting 90 with most of the good health we enjoyed in our 70s, for example, or hitting 80 with most of the good health we enjoyed in our 60s).

    If that goal seems a little wishy-washy, here are some very specific and practical ideas to get you started:

    Train For The Event Of Your Life!

    As for the limits and/or extents of how much we can do in that regard? Here are what two aging experts have to say:

    And here’s what we at 10almonds had to say:

    Age & Aging: What Can (And Can’t) We Do About It?

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • Stop Overthinking – by Nick Trenton
  • The Sweet Truth About Diabetes

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    There’s A Lot Of Confusion About Diabetes!

    For those readers who are not diabetic, nor have a loved one who is diabetic, nor any other pressing reason to know these things, first a quick 101 rundown of some things to understand the rest of today’s main feature:

    • Blood sugar levels: how much sugar is in the blood, measured in mg/dL or mmol/L
    • Hyperglycemia or “hyper” for short: too much sugar in the blood
    • Hypoglycemia or “hypo” for short: too little sugar in the blood
    • Insulin: a hormone that acts as a gatekeeper to allow sugar to pass, or not pass, into various parts of the body
    • Type 1 diabetes (sometimes capitalized, and/or abbreviated to “T1D”) is an autoimmune disorder that prevents the pancreas from being able to supply the body with insulin. This means that taking insulin consistently is necessary for life.
    • Type 2 diabetes is a matter of insulin resistance. The pancreas produces plenty of insulin, but the body has become desensitized to it, so it doesn’t work properly. Taking extra insulin may sometimes be necessary, but for many people, it can be controlled by means of a careful diet and other lifestyle factors.

    With that in mind, on to some very popular myths…

    Diabetes is caused by having too much sugar

    While sugar is not exactly a health food, it’s not the villain of this story either.

    • Type 1 diabetes has a genetic basis, triggered by epigenetic factors unrelated to sugar.
    • Type 2 diabetes comes from a cluster of risk factors which, together, can cause a person to go through pre-diabetes and acquire type 2 diabetes.
      • Those risk factors include:
        • A genetic predisposition
        • A large waist circumference
          • (this is more relevant than BMI or body fat percentage)
        • High blood pressure
        • A sedentary lifestyle
        • Age (the risk starts rising at 35, rises sharply at 45, and continues upwards with increasing age)

    Read more: Risk Factors for Type 2 Diabetes

    Diabetics can’t have sugar

    While it’s true that diabetics must be careful about sugar (and carbs in general), it’s not to say that they can’t have them… just: be mindful and intentional about it.

    • Type 1 diabetics will need to carb-count in order to take the appropriate insulin bolus. Otherwise, too little insulin will result in hyperglycemia, or too much insulin will result in hypoglycemia.
    • Type 2 diabetics will often be able to manage their blood sugar levels with diet alone, and slow-release carbs will make this easier.

    In either case, having quick release sugars will increase blood sugar levels (what a surprise), and sometimes (such as when experiencing a hypo), that’s what’s needed.

    Also, when it comes to sugar, a word on fruit:

    Not all fruits are equal, and some fruits can help maintain stable blood sugar levels! Read all about it:

    Fruit Intake to Prevent and Control Hypertension and Diabetes

    Artificial sweeteners are must-haves for diabetics

    Whereas sugar is a known quantity to the careful diabetic, some artificial sweeteners can impact insulin sensitivity, causing blood sugars to behave in unexpected ways. See for example:

    The Impact of Artificial Sweeteners on Body Weight Control and Glucose Homeostasis

    If a diabetic person is hyper, they should exercise to bring their blood sugar levels down

    Be careful with this!

    • In the case of type 2 diabetes, it may (or may not) help, as the extra sugar may be used up.
    • Type 1 diabetes, however, has a crucial difference. Because the pancreas isn’t making insulin, a hyper (above a certain level, anyway) means more insulin is needed. Exercising could do more harm than good, as unlike in type 2 diabetes, the body has no way to use that extra sugar, without the insulin to facilitate it. Exercising will just pump the syrupy hyperglycemic blood around the body, potentially causing damage as it goes (all without actually being able to use it).

    There are other ways this can be managed that are outside of the scope of this newsletter, but “be careful” is rarely a bad approach.

    Read more, from the American Diabetes Association:

    Exercise & Type 1 Diabetes

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  • Lacking Motivation? Science Has The Answer

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The Science Of Motivation (And How To Use It To Your Advantage)

    When we do something rewarding, our brain gets a little (or big!) spike of dopamine. Dopamine is popularly associated with pleasure—which is fair— but there’s more to it than this.

    Dopamine is also responsible for motivation itself, as a prime mover before we do the thing that we find rewarding. If we eat a banana, and enjoy it, perhaps because our body needed the nutrients from it, our brain gets a hit of dopamine.

    (and not because bananas contain dopamine; that dopamine is useful for the body, but can’t pass the blood-brain barrier to have an effect on the brain)

    So where does the dopamine in our brain come from? That dopamine is made in the brain itself.

    Key Important Fact: the brain produces dopamine when it expects an activity to be rewarding.

    If you take nothing else away from today’s newsletter, let it be this!

    It makes no difference if the activity is then not rewarding. And, it will keep on motivating you to do something it anticipated being rewarding, no matter how many times the activity disappoints, because it’ll remember the very dopamine that it created, as having been the reward.

    To put this into an example:

    • How often have you spent time aimlessly scrolling social media, flitting between the same three apps, or sifting through TV channels when “there’s nothing good on to watch”?
    • And how often did you think afterwards “that was a good and rewarding use of my time; I’m glad I did that”?

    In reality, whatever you felt like you were in search of, you were really in search of dopamine. And you didn’t find it, but your brain did make some, just enough to keep you going.

    Don’t try to “dopamine detox”, though.

    While taking a break from social media / doomscrolling the news / mindless TV-watching can be a great and healthful idea, you can’t actually “detox” from a substance your body makes inside itself.

    Which is fortunate, because if you could, you’d die, horribly and miserably.

    If you could “detox” completely from dopamine, you’d lose all motivation, and also other things that dopamine is responsible for, including motor control, language faculties, and critical task analysis (i.e. planning).

    This doesn’t just mean that you’d not be able to plan a wedding; it also means:

    • you wouldn’t be able to plan how to get a drink of water
    • you wouldn’t have any motivation to get water even if you were literally dying of thirst
    • you wouldn’t have the motor control to be able to physically drink it anyway

    Read: Dopamine and Reward: The Anhedonia Hypothesis 30 years on

    (this article is deep and covers a lot of ground, but is a fascinating read if you have time)

    Note: if you’re wondering why that article mentions schizophrenia so much, it’s because schizophrenia is in large part a disease of having too much dopamine.

    Consequently, antipsychotic drugs (and similar) used in the treatment of schizophrenia are generally dopamine antagonists, and scientists have been working on how to treat schizophrenia without also crippling the patient’s ability to function.

    Do be clever about how you get your dopamine fix

    Since we are hardwired to crave dopamine, and the only way to outright quash that craving is by inducing anhedonic depression, we have to leverage what we can’t change.

    The trick is: question how much your motivation aligns with your goals (or doesn’t).

    So if you feel like checking Facebook for the eleventieth time today, ask yourself: “am I really looking for new exciting events that surely happened in the past 60 seconds since I last checked, or am I just looking for dopamine?”

    You might then realize: “Hmm, I’m actually just looking for dopamine, and I’m not going to find it there”

    Then, pick something else to do that will actually be more rewarding. It helps if you make a sort of dopa-menu in advance, of things to pick from. You can keep this as a list on your phone, or printed and pinned up near your computer.

    Examples might be: Working on that passion project of yours, or engaging in your preferred hobby. Or spending quality time with a loved one. Or doing housework (surprisingly not something we’re commonly motivated-by-default to do, but actually is rewarding when done). Or exercising (same deal). Or learning that language on Duolingo (all those bells and whistles the app has are very much intentional dopamine-triggers to make it addictive, but it’s not a terrible outcome to be addicted to learning!).

    Basically… Let your brain’s tendency to get led astray work in your favor, by putting things in front of it that will lead you in good directions.

    Things for your health and/or education are almost always great things to allow yourself the “ooh, shiny” reaction and pick them up, try something new, etc.

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  • No, you don’t need the ‘Barbie drug’ to tan, whatever TikTok says. Here’s why melanotan-II is so risky

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    TikTok and Instagram influencers have been peddling the “Barbie drug” to help you tan.

    But melanotan-II, as it’s called officially, is a solution that’s too good to be true. Just like tanning, this unapproved drug has a dark side.

    Doctors, researchers and Australia’s drug regulator have been warning about its side effects – from nausea and vomiting to brain swelling and erection problems.

    There are also safer ways of getting the tanned look, if that’s what you’re after.

    AtlasStudio/Shutterstock

    What is melanotan-II?

    No, it’s not a typo. Melanotan-II is very different from melatonin, which is a hormonal supplement used for insomnia and jet lag.

    Melanotan-II is a synthetic version of the naturally ocurring hormone α-melanocyte stimulating hormone. This means the drug mimics the body’s hormone that stimulates production of the pigment melanin. This is what promotes skin darkening or tanning, even in people with little melanin.

    Although the drug is promoted as a way of getting a “sunless tan”, it is usually promoted for use with UV exposure, to enhance the effect of UV and kickstart the tanning process.

    Melanotan-II is related to, but different from, melanotan-I (afamelanotide), an approved drug used to treat the skin condition erythropoietic protoporphyria.

    Melanotan-II is not registered for use with Australia’s Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA). It is illegal to advertise it to the public or to provide it without a prescription.

    However, social media has been driving unlicensed melanotan-II sales, a study published last year confirms.

    There are many black market suppliers of melanotan-II injections, tablets and creams. More recently, nasal sprays have become more popular.

    What are the risks?

    Just like any drug, melanotan-II comes with the risk of side effects, many of which we’ve known about for more than a decade. These include changes in the size and pigmentation of moles, rapid appearance of new moles, flushing to the face, abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting, chest pain and brain swelling.

    It can also cause rhabdomyolysis, a dangerous syndrome where muscle breaks down and releases proteins into the bloodstream that damage the kidneys.

    For men, the drug can cause priapism – a painful erection that does not go away and can damage the penis, requiring emergency treatment.

    Its use has been linked with melanoma developing from existing moles either during or shortly after using the drug. This is thought to be due to stimulating pigment cells and causing the proliferation of abnormal cells.

    Despite reports of melanoma, according to a study of social media posts the drug is often marketed as protecting against skin cancer. In fact, there’s no evidence to show it does this.

    Social media posts about melanotan-II rarely mention health risks.

    There are no studies on long-term safety of melanotan-II use.

    Then there’s the issue of the drug not held to the high safety standards as TGA-approved products. This could result in variability in dose, undeclared ingredients and potential microbial contamination.

    Young, pale man walking along street, looking down at phone in hand
    Thinking about melanotan-II? The drug can cause a long-lasting painful erection needing urgent medical care. Eugenio Marongiu/Shutterstock

    The TGA has previously warned consumers to steer clear of the drug due to its “serious side effects that can be very damaging to your health”.

    According to an ABC article published earlier this week, the TGA is cracking down on the illegal promotion of the drug on various websites. However, we know banned sellers can pop back up under a different name.

    TikTok has banned the hashtags #tanningnasalspray, #melanotan and #melanotan2, but these products continue to be promoted with more generic hashtags, such as #tanning.

    Part of a wider trend

    Australia has some of the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. The “slip, slop, slap” campaign is a public health success story, with increased awareness of sun safety, a cultural shift and a decline in melanoma in young people.

    However, the image of a bronzed beach body remains a beauty standard, especially among some young people.

    Disturbingly, tan lines are trending on TikTok as a sought after summer accessory and the hashtag #sunburnttanlines has millions of views. We’ve also seen a backlash against sunscreen among some young people, again promoted on TikTok.

    The Cancer Council is so concerned about the trend towards normalising tanning it has launched the campaign End the Trend.

    You have other options

    There are options beyond spraying an illegal, unregulated product up your nose, or risking unprotected sun exposure: fake tan.

    Fake tan tends to be much safer than melanotan-II and there’s more long-term safety data. It also comes with potential side effects, albeit rare ones, including breathing issues (with spray products) and skin inflammation in some people.

    Better still, you can embrace your natural skin tone.

    Rose Cairns, Senior Lecturer in Pharmacy, NHMRC Emerging Leadership Fellow, University of Sydney

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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