You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For – by Dr. Richard Schwartz

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As self-therapy approaches go, the title here could be read two ways: as pop-psychology fluff, or a suggestion of something deeper. And, while written in a way to make it accessible to all, we’re happy to report the content consists of serious therapeutic ideas, presented clearly.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a large, internationally recognized, and popular therapeutic approach. It’s also an approach that lends itself quite well to self-therapy, as this book illustrates.

Dr. Schwartz kicks off by explaining not IFS, but the problem that it solves… We (most of us, anyway) have over the course of our lives tried to plug the gaps in our own unmet psychological needs. And, that can cause resentment, strain, and can even be taken out on others if we’re not careful.

The real meat of the book, however, is in its illustrative explanations of how IFS works, and can be applied by an individual. The goal is to recognize all the parts that make us who we are, understand what they need in order to be at peace, and give them that. Spoiler: most what they will need is just being adequately heard, rather than locked in a box untended.

One of the benefits of using this book for self-therapy, of course, is that it requires a lot less vulnerability with a third party.

But, speaking of which, what of these intimate relationships the subtitle of the book referenced? Mostly the benefits to such come from a “put your own oxygen mask on first” angle… but the book does also cover discussions between intimate partners, and approaches to love, including what the author calls “courageous love”.

Bottom line: this is a great book if you want to do some “spring-cleaning of the soul” and live a little more lightly as a result.

Click here to check out “You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For” on Amazon today, and try out IFS for yourself!

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    Expressive writing improves both physical and psychological health. Write about what moves you, whether it’s joyful or painful, and experience the benefits.

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  • Less Common Oral Hygiene Options

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    Less Common Alternatives For Oral Hygiene!

    You almost certainly brush your teeth. You might use mouthwash. A lot of people floss for three weeks at a time, often in January.

    There are a lot of options for oral hygiene; variations of the above, and many alternatives too. This is a big topic, so rather than try to squeeze it all in one, this will be a several-part series.

    Tooth soap

    The idea here is simplicity, and brushing with as few ingredients as possible. Soap cleans your teeth the same way it cleans your (sometimes compositionally quite similar—enamel and all) dishes, without damaging them.

    We’d love to link to some science here, but alas, it appears to have not yet been done—at least, we couldn’t find any!

    You can make your own tooth soap if you are feeling confident, or you might prefer to buy one ready-made (here’s an example product on Amazon, with various flavor options)

    Oil pulling

    We are getting gradually more scientific now; there is science for this one… But the (scientific) reviews are mixed:

    Wooley et al., 2020, conducted a review of extant studies, and concluded:

    ❝The limited evidence suggests that oil pulling with coconut oil may have a beneficial effect on improving oral health and dental hygiene❞

    Source: The effect of oil pulling with coconut oil to improve dental hygiene and oral health: A systematic review

    The “Science-Based Medicine” project was less positive in its assessment, and declared that all and any studies that found oil pulling to be effective were a matter of researcher/publication bias. We would note that SBM is a private project and is not without its own biases, but for balance, here is what they had to offer:

    SBM | Oil Pulling Your Leg

    A more rounded view seems to be that it is a good method for cleaning your teeth if you don’t have better options available (whereby, “better options” is “almost any other method”).

    One final consideration, which the above seemed not to consider, is:

    If you have sensitive teeth/gums, oil-pulling is the gentlest way of cleaning them, and getting them back into sufficient order that you can comfortably use other methods.

    Want to try it? You can use any food-grade oil (coconut oil or olive oil are common choices).

    Chewing stick

    Not just any stick—a twig of the Salvadora persica tree. This time, there’s lots of science for it, and it’s uncontroversially effective:

    ❝A number of scientific studies have demonstrated that the miswak (Salvadora persica) possesses antibacterial, anti-fungal, anti-viral, anti-cariogenic, and anti-plaque properties.

    Several studies have also claimed that miswak has anti-oxidant, analgesic, and anti-inflammatory effects. The use of a miswak has an immediate effect on the composition of saliva.

    Several clinical studies have confirmed that the mechanical and chemical cleansing efficacy of miswak chewing sticks are equal and at times greater than that of the toothbrush❞

    ~ Hague et al.

    Read in full: A review of the therapeutic effects of using miswak (Salvadora Persica) on oral health

    And about the efficacy vs using a toothbrush, here’s an example:

    Comparative effect of chewing sticks and toothbrushing on plaque removal and gingival health

    Want to try the miswak stick? Here’s an example product on Amazon.

    Enjoy!

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  • “I Stretched Every Day For 30 Days: Game Changer!”

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    How much can an unflexible person really improve in just 20 minutes per day for a month? Makari Espe finds out:

    Consistency really is key

    We’re supposed to stretch at least 3 times per week; for many people, the reality is often more like 2 times per year (often the 1st and 2nd of January).

    So, how quickly can such neglect be turned around?

    Upon initial testing, she found she was even less flexible than thought, and set about her work:

    The stretches she used were from random 20-minute full body stretch videos on YouTube, of which there are many, but she used a different one each day. As she went along, she found some favorite kinds of stretching and some favorite instructors, and settled on mostly Peloton stretching videos—she also switched to evening stretching sessions instead of morning.

    Along the way, she already noticed gradual improvement in mobility and reduced body tension, and after 3 weeks, it had become a habit that she started craving.

    The final test? There’s a marked improvement; see the video:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Yoga Teacher: “If I wanted to get flexible in 2025, here’s what I’d do”

    Take care!

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  • When You Know What You “Should” Do (But Knowing Isn’t The Problem)

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    When knowing what to do isn’t the problem

    Often, we know what we need to do. Sometimes, knowing isn’t the problem!

    The topic today is going to be a technique used by therapeutic service providers to help people to enact positive changes in their lives.

    While this is a necessarily dialectic practice (i.e., it involves a back-and-forth dialogue), it’s still perfectly possible to do it alone, and that’s what we’ll be focussing on in this main feature.

    What is Motivational Interviewing?

    ❝Motivational interviewing (MI) is a technique that has been specifically developed to help motivate ambivalent patients to change their behavior.❞

    Read in full: Motivational Interviewing: An Evidence-Based Approach for Use in Medical Practice

    It’s mostly used for such things as helping people reduce or eliminate substance abuse, or manage their weight, or exercise more, things like that.

    However, it can be employed for any endeavour that requires motivation and sustained willpower to carry it through.

    Three Phases

    Motivational Interviewing traditionally has three phases:

    1. Exploring and understanding the issue at hand
    2. Guiding and deciding importance and goals
    3. Choosing and setting an action plan

    In self-practice, maybe you can already know and understand what it is that you want/need to change.

    If not, consider asking yourself such questions as:

    • What does a good day look like? What does a bad day look like?
    • If things are not good now, when were they good? What changed?
    • If everything were perfect now, what would that look like? How would you know?

    Once you have a clear idea of where you want to be, the next thing to know is: how much do you want it? And how confident are you in attaining it?

    This is a critical process:

    • Give your answers numerically on a scale from 0 to 10
    • Whatever your score, ask yourself why it’s not lower. For example, if you scored your motivation 4 and your confidence 2, what factors made your motivation not a lower number? What factors made your confidence not a lower number?
    • In the unlikely event that you gave yourself a 0, ask whether you can really afford to scrap the goal. If you can’t, find something, anything, to bring it to at least a 1.
    • After you’ve done that, then you can ask yourself the more obvious question of why your numbers aren’t higher. This will help you identify barriers to overcome.

    Now you’re ready to choose what to focus on and how to do it. Don’t bite off more than you can chew; it’s fine to start low and work up. You should revisit this regularly, just like you would if you had a counsellor helping you.

    Some things to ask yourself at this stage of the motivational self-interviewing:

    • What’s a good SMART goal to get you started?
    • What could stop you from achieving your goal?
      • How could you overcome that challenge?
      • What is your backup plan, if you have to scale back your goal for some reason?

    A conceptual example: if your goal is to stick to a whole foods Mediterranean diet, but you are attending a wedding next week, then now is the time to decide in advance 1) what personal lines-in-the-sand you will or will not draw 2) what secondary, backup plan you will make to not go too far off track.

    The same example in practice: wedding menus often offer meat/fish/vegetarian options, so you might choose the fish or vegetarian, and as for sugar and alcohol, you might limit yourself to “a small slice of wedding cake only; coffee/cheese option instead of dessert”, and “alcohol only for toasts”.

    Giving yourself the permission well in advance for small (clearly defined and boundaried!) diversions from the plan, will stop you from falling into the trap of “well, since today’s a cheat-day now…”

    Secret fourth stage

    The secret here is to keep going back and reassessing at regular intervals. Set your own calendar; you might want to start out weekly and then move to monthly when you’re more strongly on-track.

    For this reason, it’s good to keep a journal with your notes from your self-interview sessions, the scores you gave yourself, the goals and plans you set, etc.

    When conducting your regular review, be sure to examine what worked for you, and what didn’t (and why). That way, you can practice trial-and-improvement as you go.

    Want to learn more?

    We only have so much room here, but there are lots of resources out there.

    Here’s a high-quality page that:

    • explains motivational interviewing in more depth than we have room for here
    • offers a lot of free downloadable resource packs and the like

    Check it out: Motivational Interviewing Theory & Resources

    Enjoy!

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  • Winter Wellness – by Rachel de Thample
  • Infections, Heart Failure, & More

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Some health news to round off the week:

    The Infection That Leads To Heart Failure

    It’s long been held that, for example, flossing reduces heart disease risk, with the hypothesis being that if plaque bacteria enter the blood stream, well, that’s an even worse place for plaque bacteria to be. Now, with much more data, attention has turned to

    1. actual infections, and
    2. actual heart failure

    Way to up the ante! And, it holds true regardless of what kind of infection. So, you might think that a UTI, for example, is surely “downstream” and should not affect the heart, but it does. Because of this, researchers currently believe that it is not the infection itself, so much as the body’s inflammation response to infection, that leads to the heart failure. Which is reasonable, because, for example, atherosclerosis is made mostly not of cholesterol itself, but rather mostly of dead immune cells that got stuck in the cholesterol.

    Moreover, it’s not so much about the acute inflammatory response (which is almost always a good thing, circumstantially), but rather that after cases where an infection managed to take hold, the immune system can then often stay on high alert for many years alter. Long COVID is an obvious recent example of this, but it’s hardly a new phenomenon; see for example post-polio syndrome, and consider how many more such post-infection maladies are likely to exist that never got a name because they flew under the radar or got diagnosed as fibromyalgia or something (fibromyalgia is a common diagnosis doctors give when they acknowledge something’s wrong, and it causes pain and exhaustion, but they don’t know what, and it appears to be stable—so while it can be helpful to put a name to the collection of symptoms, it’s a non-diagnosis diagnosis on the doctors’ part. It’s saying “I diagnose you with hurty tiredness”).

    The take-away from all this? Avoid infections, for your heart’s sake, and if you do get an infection, take it seriously even if it’s minor. The safe amount of infection is “no infection”.

    Read in full: Study uncovers new link between infections and heart failure

    Related: What’s the difference between a heart attack and cardiac arrest? One’s about plumbing, the other wiring

    Cold Water Immersion: Hot Or Not?

    The evidence is clear for some benefits; for others, not so much:

    • It’s great (if you’re already in fair health, and definitely not if you have a heart condition) to improve circulation and stress response
    • There may be some benefits to immune function, but however reasonable the hypothesis, actual evidence is thin on the ground
    • The oft-hyped mood benefits are a) marginal b) short-lived, with benefits fading after 3 months of regular cold baths/showers/etc

    Read in full: The big chill: Is cold-water immersion good for our health?

    Related: Ice Baths: To Dip Or Not To Dip?

    The Unspoken Trials Of Going To The Gym (While Being A Woman)

    Public health decision-makers often think that getting people to go to the gym more is a matter of public information, or perhaps branding. Some who have their thinking heads on might even realize that there may be economic factors for many. But for women, there’s an additional factor—or rather, an additionally prominent factor. The study we’ll link started with this observation (please read it in the voice of your favorite nature documentary narrator):

    ❝Despite an increase in gym memberships, women are less active than men and little is known about the barriers women face when navigating gym spaces.❞

    What then, of these shy, elusive creatures that make up a mere 51% of the world’s population?

    A medium-sized (n=279) study of women, of whom 84% being current gym-goers, reported often feeling “judged for their appearance or performance, as well as having to fight for space in the gym and to be taken seriously, while navigating harassment and unsolicited comments from men”

    Even gym attire becomes an issue:

    ❝Aligning with previous literature, women often chose attire based on comfort and functionality. However, their choices were also influenced by comparisons with others or fear of judgement for wearing non-branded attire or looking too put together. Many women also chose gym attire to hide perceived problem areas or avoid appearance concerns, including visible sweat stains.❞

    …which main seem silly; you’re at the gym, of course you’re going to sweat, but if you’re the only one with visible sweat stains, then there can be social consequences (bad ones).

    Similarly, there’s a “damned if you do; damned if you don’t” when it comes to working out while fat—on the one hand, society conflates fatness with laziness; on the other, it can be extra intimidating to be the only fat person in a gym full of people who look like they’re going to audition for a superhero movie.

    ❝In the gym, just like in other areas of life, women often feel stuck between being seen as ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’, dealing with judgement about how they look, how they perform, and even how much space they take up. Even though the pressure to be super thin is decreasing, the growing focus on being muscular and athletic is creating new challenges. It is pushing unrealistic standards that can negatively affect women’s body image and overall well-being.❞

    Writer’s note: I live a few minutes walk from my nearest gym, and I work out at home instead. This way, if I want to do yoga in my pajamas, I can. If I want to use my treadmill naked and watch my T+A bounce in the mirror, I can. If I want to lift weights in the dress I happened to be wearing, I can. Alas that I can’t swim at home!

    Read in full: Women face multiple barriers while exercising in gyms

    Related: Body Image Dissatisfaction/Appreciation Across The Ages

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Apricots vs Plums – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing apricots to plums, we picked the apricots.

    Why?

    Both are great, but it wasn’t close!

    In terms of macros, apricots have more fiber, protein, and carbs, with their fiber:carb ratio also giving them the lower glycemic index (although, as usual for any whole fruit, neither are going to give anyone metabolic disease). In any case, by the numbers, and especially for having more fiber, apricots win this category.

    In the category of vitamins, apricots have more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B7, B9, C, E, and choline, while plums have more vitamin K. A clear win for apricots.

    When it comes to minerals, apricots have more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc, while plums are not higher in any mineral. Another hands-down win for apricots.

    Looking at polyphenols, both have an abundance of many, especially assorted flavanols, including quercetin. However, plums additionally have some anthocyanins (whence the color), so they get a marginal victory in this round.

    Still, adding up the sections, it’s a 3:1 win for apricots. Of course, do enjoy either or both, though; diversity is good!

    Want to learn more?

    You might like:

    Top 8 Fruits That Prevent & Kill Cancer

    Enjoy!

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  • Aging Minds: Normal vs Abnormal Cognitive Decline

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Having a “senior moment” and having dementia are things that are quite distinct from one another; while we may very reasonably intend to fight every part of it, it’s good to know what’s “normal” as well as what is starting to look like progress into something more severe:

    Know the differences

    Cognitive abilities naturally decline with age, often beginning around 30 (yes, really—the first changes are mostly metabolic though, so this is far from set in stone). Commonly-noticed changes include:

    • slower thinking
    • difficulty multitasking
    • reduced attention
    • weaker memory.

    Over time, these changes have what is believed to be a two-way association (as in, each causes/worsens the other) with changes in brain structure, especially reduced hippocampal and frontal lobe volume.

    • Gradual cognitive changes are normal with age, whereas dementia involves a pathological decline affecting memory, problem-solving, and behavior.
    • Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) involves noticeable cognitive decline without disrupting daily life, while dementia affects everyday tasks like cooking or driving.
    • Dementia causes significant impairments, including motor challenges like falls or tremors, and dementia-induced cognitive decline symptoms include forgetfulness, getting lost, personality changes, and planning difficulties, often worsening with stress or illness.

    To best avoid these, consider: regular exercise, a nutritious diet, good quality sleep, social interaction, and mentally stimulating activities.

    Also, often forgotten (in terms of its relevance at least): managing cardiovascular health is very important too. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: what’s good for your heart is good for your brain (since the former feeds the latter with oxygen and nutrients, and also takes away detritus that will otherwise build up in the brain).

    For more on all of this, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Is It Dementia? Spot The Signs (Because None Of Us Are Immune) ← we go into more specific detail here

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

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