Every second news article about body image issues is talking about teens and social media use, but science tells a different story.

A large (n=1,327) study of people of mixed genders aged 16–88 examined matters relating to people’s body image, expecting…

❝We hypothesized that body dissatisfaction and importance of appearance would be higher in women than in men, that body dissatisfaction would remain stable across age in women, and that importance of appearance would be lower in older women compared to younger women. Body appreciation was predicted to be higher in men than in women.❞

As they discovered, only half of that turned out to be true:

❝In line with our hypotheses, body dissatisfaction was higher in women than in men and was unaffected by age in women, and importance of appearance was higher in women than in men.

However, only in men did age predict a lower level of the importance of appearance. Compared to men, women stated that they would invest more hours of their lives to achieve their ideal appearance.

Contrary to our assumption, body appreciation improved and was higher in women across all ages than in men.❞

You can read the study in full here:

Body Dissatisfaction, Importance of Appearance, and Body Appreciation in Men and Women Over the Lifespan

That’s a lot of information, and we don’t have the space to go into all parts of it here, fascinating as that would be. So we’re going to put two pieces of information (from the above) next to each other:

• body dissatisfaction was higher in women than in men and was unaffected by age in women
• body appreciation improved and was higher in women across all ages than in men

…and resolve this apparent paradox.

Dissatisfied appreciation

How is it that women are both more dissatisfied with, and yet also more appreciative of, their bodies?

The answer is that we can have positive and negative feelings about the same thing, without them cancelling each other out. In short, simply, feeling more feelings about it.

Whether the gender-related disparity in this case comes more from hormones or society could be vigorously debated, but chances are, it’s both. And, for our gentleman-readers, note that the principle still applies to you, even if scaled down on average.

Call to action:

• be aware of the negative feelings of body dissatisfaction
• focus on the positive feelings of body appreciation

While in theory both could motivate us to action, in reality, the former will tend to inform us (about what we might wish to change), while the latter will actually motivate us in a useful way (to do something positive about it).

This is because the negative feelings about body image tend to be largely based in shame, and shame is a useless motivator (i.e., it simply doesn’t work) when it comes to taking positive actions:

Why Shame Only Works Negatively

You can’t hate yourself into a body you love

That may sound like a wishy-washy platitude, but given the evidence on how shame works (and doesn’t), it’s true.

Instead, once you’ve identified the things about your body with which you’re dissatisfied, you can then assess:

• what can reasonably be changed
• whether it is important enough to you to change it
• how to go about usefully changing it

While weight issues are perhaps the most commonly-discussed body image consideration, to the point that often all others get forgotten, let’s look at something that’s generally more specific to adults, and also a very common cause of distress for women and men alike: hair loss/thinning.

If your hair is just starting to thin and fall, then if this bothers you, there’s a lot that can be done about it quite easily, but (and this is important) you have to love yourself enough to actually do it. Merely feeling miserable about it, and perhaps like you don’t deserve better, or that it is somehow a personal failing on your part, will not help.

If your hair has been gone for years, then chances are you’ve made your peace with this by now, and might not even take it back if a fairy godmother came along and offered to restore it magically. On the other hand, let’s say that you’re just coming out the other end of a 10-year-long depression, and perhaps you let a lot of things go that you now wish you hadn’t, and maybe your hair is one of them. In this case, now you need to decide whether getting implants (likely the only solution at this late stage) is worth it.

Note that in both cases, whatever the starting point and whether the path ahead is easy or hard, the person who has dissatisfaction and/but still values themself and their body will get what they need.

In contrast, the person who has dissatisfaction and does not value themself and their body, will languish.

The person without dissatisfaction, of course, probably already has what they need.

In short: identification of dissatisfaction + love and appreciation of oneself and one’s body → motivation to usefully take action (out of love, not hate)

Now, dear reader, apply the same thinking to whatever body image issues you may have, and take it from there!

Embodiment

A quick note in closing: if you are a person with no body dissatisfactions, there are two main possible reasons:

• You are genuinely happy with your body in all respects. Congratulations!
• You have disassociated from your body to such an extent that it’s become a mere vehicle to you and you don’t care about it.

This latter may seem like a Zen-level win, but in fact it’s a warning sign for depression, so please do examine that even if you don’t “feel” depressed (depression is often characterized by a lack of feelings), perhaps by taking the (very quick) free PHQ9 Test ← under 2 minutes; immediate results; industry-standard diagnostic tool

Take care!