In an ideal world, it wouldn’t matter any more than who first says “let’s get something to eat” when hungry. But in reality, it can cause serious problems on both sides:

Fear and loathing?

The person who initiates gets the special prize of an n% chance of experiencing rejection, and then what? Try again, and again, and risk seeming pushy? Or leave the ball in the other person’s court, where it may then go untouched for the next few months, because (in the most positive scenario) they were waiting for you to initiate at a better time for them?

The person who does not initiate, and/but does not want sex at that time, gets the special prize of either making their partner feel unwanted, insecure, and perhaps unloved, or else grudgingly consenting to sex that’s going to be no fun while your heart’s not in it, and thus create the same end result plus you had an extra bad experience?

So, that sucks all around:

• Initiating touch (sex or cuddling) can feel like a test of being wanted, whereupon a lack of initiation or response may be misinterpreted as a lack of love or appreciation.
• Meanwhile, non-reciprocation might stem from exhaustion or unrelated issues. For many, it’s a physiological lottery.

10almonds note: not discussed in this video, but for many couples, problems can also arise because one partner or another just isn’t showing up with the expected physical signs of physiological arousal, so even if they say (and mean!) an enthusiastic “yes”, their body’s signs get misread as a “not really, though”, resulting in one partner feeling rejected, and both feeling inadequate—on account of something that was completely unrelated to how the person actually felt about the prospect of sex*.

*Sometimes, physiological arousal will simply not accompany psychological arousal, no matter how sincere the latter. And on the flipside, sometimes the signs of physiological arousal will just show up without psychological arousal. The human body is just like that sometimes. We all must listen to our partners’ words, not their genitals!

The solution to this problem is thus the same as the solution to the rest of the problem that is discussed in the video, and it’s: good communication.

That can be easier said than done, of course—not everyone is at their most eloquent in such situations! Which is why it can be important to have those conversations first outside of the bedroom when the stakes are low/non-existent.

Even with the best communication, a more general, overarching non-reciprocity (real or perceived) of sexual desire can cause bitterness, resentment, and can ultimately be relationship-ending if a resolution that’s acceptable to everyone involved is not found.

Ultimately, the work as a couple must begin from within as individuals—addressing self-worth issues to better navigate love and intimacy.

For more on all of this, enjoy:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Want to learn more?

You might also like to read:

Relationships: When To Stick It Out & When To Call It Quits

Take care!

Will Harlow, the over-50s specialist physio, wants you to be on a good footing:

Daily steps in the right direction

The three daily exercises recommended in the video are:

Exercise 1: Towel Scrunch

The towel scrunch exercise strengthens the flexor muscles in the feet, improving balance and improving contact with the ground. To do this exercise, sit on a chair with a towel placed on the floor beneath your toes while keeping your heels on the ground. Use only your toes to pull the towel toward your heel, scrunching it up as much as possible. This movement strengthens the arch of the foot and can help alleviate symptoms of flat feet. For best results, practice this exercise for 2–3 minutes once or twice daily. Once you’ve got the hand of doing it sitting, do it while standing.

Exercise 2: Big Toe Extension

Big toe extension is an essential exercise for maintaining foot mobility and improving walking kinesthetics by preventing stiffness in the big toe. To do this exercise, keep your foot flat on the floor and try to lift only your big toe while keeping the four other toes firmly pressed down. To be clear, we mean under its own power; not using your hands to help. Many people find this difficult initially, but it’s due to a loss of neural connection rather than muscle strength, so with practice, the ability to isolate the movement improves quite quickly. Perform 10 repetitions in a row, three times per day, for optimal benefits. Once you’ve got the hand of doing it sitting, do it while standing.

Exercise 3: Calf Stretch

The calf stretch is an important exercise for maintaining foot health by preventing tight calves, which can contribute to issues like plantar fasciitis and Morton’s neuroma. To do this stretch, place your hands against a wall for support and extend one leg straight behind you while keeping your other heel firmly on the floor. The front knee should be bent while the back leg remains straight, creating a stretch in the calf. Hold this position for 30 seconds (building up to that, if necessary). Since the effectiveness of stretching comes from frequency rather than duration, this stretch should be performed three to four times per day for the best results.

For more on each of these, plus visual demonstrations, enjoy:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Want to learn more?

You might also like to read:

Steps For Keeping Your Feet A Healthy Foundation ← this one’s about general habits, not exercises

Take care!