Self-Care That’s Not Just Self-Indulgence

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Self-Care That’s Not Just Self-Indulgence

Self-care is often seen as an excuse for self-indulgence. Worse, it’s often used as an excuse for self-indulgence—in ways that can end up making us feel worse.

It’s a bit like dietary “cheat days”. If your diet needs cheat days, your diet probably isn’t right for you!

How to recognize the difference between self-care and self-indulgence?

Statistically, the majority of our subscribers are parents (whose children are now mostly grown up, but still, the point is that parenting experience has been gleaned), and/or are or have been caregivers of some form or other.

When a small child is ill, we (hopefully!) look after them carefully:

  • We don’t expect too much of them, but…
  • …we do expect them to adhere to things consistent with their recovery.

Critically: an important part of self-care is that it actually should be care.

Let’s spell something out: neglect is not care!

How this works for physical and mental health

If you overdo it in physical exercise, it’s right and correct to take a break to recover, and during that time, do things that will hasten one’s recovery. For example:

Overdone It? How To Speed Up Recovery After Exercise

But it’s well-known that if you just do nothing, your condition will likely deteriorate. Also, “a break to recover” is going to be as short as is necessary to recover. Then you’ll ease back into exercise, but you will get back to it.

For mental health it’s just the same. If we for whatever reason need to take a step back, it’s right and correct to do take a break to recover, and during that time, do things that will hasten one’s recovery.

Sometimes, if for example it’s just a case of burnout, rest is the best medicine, and even rest can be an active process. See for example:

How To Rest More Efficiently (Yes, Really)

So the question to ask, when it comes to self-care vs self-indulgence, is:

“Is this activity helping me to get better?”

Some examples:

Probably not great self-care activities:

  • Oversleeping (unless you were sleep-deprived, in which case, it’s better to get an earlier night than a later morning, if possible)
  • Overeating (comfort-eating is a thing, but your actual problems will still be there)
  • Mindless activities (mindless scrolling, TV-watching, game-playing, etc)

Probably better self-care activities:

  • Enjoyable physical activity (whatever that may be for you)
  • Preparing your favorite food, and then enjoying it mindfully
  • Engaging in a personal project that might not be that important, but it’s fulfilling to you (hobbies etc can fall into this category)
  • Scheduling some time, and committing some resources, to tackling whatever problem(s) you are facing that’s prompting you to need this self-care.
  • Doing the tasks you want to hide away from, but making them fun.

What’s your go-to self-care? We love to hear from you, so feel free to hit “reply” to this email, or use the handy feedback form at the bottom!

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    Engage with 10almonds Q&A: Your guide to aging, stress-busting, and mastering communication—no question is too big or small!

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  • The Health Fix – by Dr. Ayan Panja

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The book is divided into three main sections:

    • The foundations
    • The aspirations
    • The fixes

    The foundations are an overview of the things you’re going to need to know, about biology, behaviors, and being human.

    The aspirations are research-generated common hopes, desires, dreams and goals of patients who have come to Dr. Panja for help.

    The fixes are exactly what you’d hope them to be. They’re strategies, tools, hacks, tips, tricks, to get you from where you are now to where you want to be, health-wise.

    The book is well-structured, with deep-dives, summaries, and practical advice of how to make sure everything you’re doing works together as part of the big picture that you’re building for your health.

    All in all, a fantastic catch-all book, whatever your health goals.

    Get your copy of “The Health Fix” on Amazon today!

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  • Get Past Executive Dysfunction

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    In mathematics, there is a thing called the “travelling salesman problem”, and it is hard. Not just subjectively; it is classified in mathematical terms as an “NP-hard problem”, wherein NP stands for “nondeterministic polynomial”.

    The problem is: a travelling salesman must visit a certain list of cities, order undetermined, by the shortest possible route that visits them all.

    To work out what the shortest route is involves either very advanced mathematics, or else solving it by brute force, which means measuring every possible combination order (which number gets exponentially larger very quickly after the first few cities) and then selecting the shortest.

    Why are we telling you this?

    Executive dysfunction’s analysis paralysis

    Executive dysfunction is the state of knowing you have things to do, wanting to do them, intending to do them, and then simply not doing them.

    Colloquially, this can be called “analysis paralysis” and is considered a problem of planning and organizing, as much as it is a problem of initiating tasks.

    Let’s give a simple example:

    You wake up in the morning, and you need to go to the bathroom. But the bathroom will be cold, so you’ll want to get dressed first. However, it will be uncomfortable to get dressed while you still need to use the bathroom, so you contemplate doing that first. Those two items are already a closed loop now. You’re thirsty, so you want to have a drink, but the bathroom is calling to you. Sitting up, it’s colder than under the covers, so you think about getting dressed. Maybe you should have just a sip of water first. What else do you need to do today anyway? You grab your phone to check, drink untouched, clothes unselected, bathroom unvisited.

    That was a simple example; now apply that to other parts of your day that have much more complex planning possible.

    This is like the travelling salesman problem, except that now, some things are better if done before or after certain other things. Sometimes, possibly, they are outright required to be done before or after certain other things.

    So you have four options:

    • Solve the problem of your travelling-salesman-like tasklist using advanced mathematics (good luck if you don’t have advanced mathematics)
    • Solve the problem by brute force, calculating all possible variations and selecting the shortest (good luck getting that done the same day)
    • Go with a gut feeling and stick to it (people without executive dysfunction do this)
    • Go towards the nearest item, notice another item on the way, go towards that, notice a different item on the way there, and another one, get stuck for a while choosing between those two, head towards one, notice another one, and so on until you’ve done a very long scenic curly route that has narrowly missed all of your targetted items (this is the executive dysfunction approach).

    So instead, just pick one, do it, pick another one, do it, and so forth.

    That may seem “easier said than done”, but there are tools available…

    Task zero

    We’ve mentioned this before in the little section at the top of our daily newsletter that we often use for tips.

    One of the problems that leads to executive function is a shortage of “working memory”, like the RAM of a computer, so it’s easy to get overwhelmed with lists of things to do.

    So instead, hold only two items in your mind:

    • Task zero: the thing you are doing right now
    • Task one: the thing you plan to do next

    When you’ve completed task zero, move on to task one, renaming it task zero, and select a new task one.

    With this approach, you will never:

    • Think “what did I come into this room for?”
    • Get distracted by alluring side-quests

    Do not get corrupted by the cursed artefact

    In fantasy, and occasionally science fiction, there is a trope: an item that people are drawn towards, but which corrupts them, changes their motivations and behaviors for the worse, as well as making them resistant to giving the item up.

    An archetypal example of this would be the One Ring from The Lord of the Rings.

    It’s easy to read/watch and think “well I would simply not be corrupted by the cursed artefact”.

    And then pick up one’s phone to open the same three apps in a cycle for the next 40 minutes.

    This is because technology that is designed to be addictive hijacks our dopamine processing, and takes advantage of executive dysfunction, while worsening it.

    There are some ways to mitigate this:

    Rebalancing Dopamine (Without “Dopamine Fasting”)

    …but one way to avoid it entirely is to mentally narrate your choices. It’s a lot harder to make bad choices with an internal narrator going:

    • “She picked up her phone absent-mindedly, certain that this time it really would be only a few seconds”
    • “She picked up her phone for the eleventy-third time”
    • “Despite her plan to put her shoes on, she headed instead for the kitchen”

    This method also helps against other bad choices aside from those pertaining to executive dysfunction, too:

    • “Abandoning her plan to eat healthily, she lingered in the confectionary aisle, scanning the shelves for sugary treats”
    • “Monday morning will be the best time to start my new exercise regime”, she thought, for the 35th week so far this year

    Get pharmaceutical or nutraceutical help

    While it’s not for everyone, many people with executive dysfunction benefit from ADHD meds. However, they have their pros and cons (perhaps we’ll do a run-down one of these days).

    There are also gentler options that can significantly ameliorate executive dysfunction, for example:

    Bacopa Monnieri: A Well-Evidenced Cognitive Enhancer For Focus & More

    Enjoy!

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  • How Much Can Hypnotherapy Really Do?

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    Sit Back, Relax, And…

    In Tuesday’s newsletter, we asked you for your opinions of hypnotherapy, and got the above-depicted, below-described, set of responses:

    • About 58% said “It is a good, evidenced-based practice that can help alleviate many conditions”
    • Exactly 25% said “It is a scam and sham and/or wishful thinking at best, and should be avoided by all”
    • About 13% said “It works only for those who are particularly suggestible—but it does work for them”
    • One (1) person said “It is useful only for brain-centric conditions e.g. addictions, anxiety, phobias, etc”

    So what does the science say?

    Hypnotherapy is all in the patient’s head: True or False?

    True! But guess which part of your body controls much of the rest of it.

    So while hypnotherapy may be “all in the head”, its effects are not.

    Since placebo effect, nocebo effect, and psychosomatic effect in general are well-documented, it’s quite safe to say at the very least that hypnotherapy thus “may be useful”.

    Which prompts the question…

    Hypnotherapy is just placebo: True or False?

    False, probably. At the very least, if it’s placebo, it’s an unusually effective placebo.

    And yes, even though testing against placebo is considered a good method of doing randomized controlled trials, some placebos are definitely better than others. If a placebo starts giving results much better than other placebos, is it still a placebo? Possibly a philosophical question whose answer may be rooted in semantics, but happily we do have a more useful answer…

    Here’s an interesting paper which: a) begins its abstract with the strong, unequivocal statement “Hypnosis has proven clinical utility”, and b) goes on to examine the changes in neural activity during hypnosis:

    Brain Activity and Functional Connectivity Associated with Hypnosis

    It works only for the very suggestible: True or False?

    False, broadly. As with any medical and/or therapeutic procedure, a patient’s expectations can affect the treatment outcome.

    And, especially worthy of note, a patient’s level of engagement will vastly affect it treatment that has patient involvement. So for example, if a doctor prescribes a patient pills, which the patient does not think will work, so the patient takes them intermittently, because they’re slow to get the prescription refilled, etc, then surprise, the pills won’t get as good results (since they’re often not being taken).

    How this plays out in hypnotherapy: because hypnotherapy is a guided process, part of its efficacy relies on the patient following instructions. If the hypnotherapist guides the patient’s mind, and internally the patient is just going “nope nope nope, what a lot of rubbish” then of course it will not work, just like if you ask for directions in the street and then ignore them, you won’t get to where you want to be.

    For those who didn’t click on the above link by the way, you might want to go back and have a look at it, because it included groups of individuals with “high/low hypnotizability” per several ways of scoring such.

    It works only for brain-centric things, e.g. addictions, anxieties, phobias, etc: True or False?

    False—but it is better at those. Here for example is the UK’s Royal College of Psychiatrists’ information page, and if you go to “What conditions can hypnotherapy help to treat”, you’ll see two broad categories; the first is almost entirely brain-stuff; the second is more varied, and includes pain relief of various kinds, burn care, cancer treatment side effects, and even menopause symptoms. Finally, warts and other various skin conditions get their own (positive) mention, per “this is possible through the positive effects hypnosis has on the immune system”:

    RCPsych | Hypnosis And Hypnotherapy

    Wondering how much psychosomatic effect can do?

    You might like this previous article; it’s not about hypnotherapy, but it is about the difference the mind can make on physical markers of aging:

    Aging, Counterclockwise: When Age Is A Flexible Number

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • How Useful Are Our Dreams
  • From Strength to Strength – by Dr. Arthur Brooks

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    For most professions, there are ways in which performance can be measured, and the average professional peak varies by profession, but averages are usually somewhere in the 30–45 range, with a pressure to peak between 25–35.

    With a peak by age 45 or perhaps 50 at the latest (aside from some statistical outliers, of course), what then to expect at age 50+? Not long after that, there’s a reason for mandatory retirement ages in some professions.

    Dr. Brooks examines the case for accepting that rather than fighting it, and/but making our weaknesses into our strengths as we go. If our fluid intelligence slows, our accumulated crystal intelligence (some might call it “wisdom“) can make up for it, for example.

    But he also champions the idea of looking outside of ourselves; of the importance of growing and fostering connections; giving to those around us and receiving support in turn; not transactionally, but just as a matter of mutualism of the kind found in many other species besides our own. Indeed, Dr. Brooks gives the example of a grove of aspen trees (hence the cover art of this book) that do exactly that.

    The style is very accessible in terms of language but with frequent scientific references, so very much a “best of both worlds” in terms of readability and information-density.

    Bottom line: if ever you’ve wondered at what age you might outlive your usefulness, this book will do as the subtitle suggests, and help you carve out your new place.

    Click here to check out From Strength To Strength, and find yours!

    Don’t Forget…

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    Learn to Age Gracefully

    Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails:

  • Heart Health Calculator Entry Issue

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    ❝I tried to use your calculator for heart health, and was unable to enter in my height or weight. Is there another way to calculate? Why will that field not populate?❞

    (this is in reference to yesterday’s main feature “How Are You, Really? And How Old Is Your Heart?“)

    How strange! We tested it in several desktop browsers and several mobile browsers, and were unable to find any version that didn’t work. That includes switching between metric and imperial units, per preference; both appear to work fine. Do be aware that it’ll only take numerical imput, though.

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

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  • Three Critical Kitchen Prescriptions

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    Three Critical Kitchen Prescriptions

    This is Dr. Saliha Mahmood-Ahmed. She’s a medical doctor—specifically, a gastroenterologist. She’s also a chef, and winner of the BBC’s MasterChef competition. So, from her gastroenterology day-job and her culinary calling, she has some expert insights to share on eating well!

    ❝Food and medicine are inextricably linked to one another, and it is an honour to be a doctor who specialises in digestive health and can both cook, and teach others to cook❞

    ~ Dr. Saliha Mahmood-Ahmed, after winning MasterChef and being asked if she’d quit medicine to be a full-time chef

    Dr. Mahmood-Ahmed’s 3 “Kitchen Prescriptions”

    They are:

    1. Cook, cook, cook
    2. Feed your gut bugs
    3. Do not diet

    Let’s take a look at each of those…

    Cook, cook, cook

    We’re the only species on Earth that cooks food. An easy knee-jerk response might be to think maybe we shouldn’t, then, but… We’ve been doing it for at least 30,000 years, which is about 1,500 generations, while a mere 100 generations is generally sufficient for small evolutionary changes. So, we’ve evolved this way now.

    More importantly in this context: we, ourselves, should cook our own food, at least per household.

    Not ready meals; we haven’t evolved for those (yet! Give it another few hundred generations maybe)

    Feed your gut bugs

    The friendly ones. Enjoy prebiotics, probiotics, and plenty of fiber—and then be mindful of what else you do or don’t eat. Feeding the friendly bacteria while starving the unfriendly ones may seem like a tricky task, but it actually can be quite easily understood and implemented. We did a main feature about this a few weeks ago:

    Making Friends With Your Gut (You Can Thank Us Later)

    Do not diet

    Dr. Mahmood-Ahmed is a strong critic of calorie-counting as a weight-loss strategy:

    Rather than focusing on the number of calories consumed, try focusing on introducing enough variety of food into your daily diet, and on fostering good microbial diversity within your gut.

    It’s a conceptual shift from restrictive weight loss, to prescriptive adding of things to one’s diet, with fostering diversity of microbiota as a top priority.

    This, too, she recommends be undertaken gently, though—making small, piecemeal, but sustainable improvements. Nobody can reasonably incorporate, say, 30 new fruits and vegetables into one’s diet in a week; it’s unrealistic, and more importantly, it’s unsustainable.

    Instead, consider just adding one new fruit or vegetable per shopping trip!

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

    Join the 98k+ American women taking control of their health & aging with our 100% free (and fun!) daily emails: