Human Connection In An All-Too-Busy World
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Many of us, in many ways, have more discretionary time than ever… On paper.
But rather than the 8-hour block of work of yesteryear, nowadays the things that take our time often come in a series of short bursts that punctuate our day.
This means that while in theory, we have n hours of “free” time per day, we actually have 9 minutes here, 23 minutes there, 1 hour 6 minutes somewhere else, and so on.
Social commitments, meanwhile, tend to require not only that we have time in a block, but also, that the time around that block also be sufficiently free, for travelling, preparation, etc.
The result? “We must do this again, and not leave it so long next time!” we say, sincerely, to the friend whom we will next see again in approximately 17 months’ time.
The problem is how our many theoretically-small obligations reduce the rest of our time to “time confetti”, and that happens on the large scale like we saw above, as well as on the small scale of “Ah, I have an hour to relax between these two things” and then suddenly the time is gone, once again reduced to time confetti:
Time Confetti and the Broken Promise of Leisure
So, how to maintain human connection with people beyond those with whom we live?
Some is infinitely better than none
Let’s say you want to call a friend or relative. There may be generational differences in how much one is expected to arrange this by text first, vs just calling, but either way, you don’t have to have an open-ended block of time, and sometimes, it’s better if you don’t.
Establish, at the start of the call, “Before we get into catching up, how are we for time, by the way? For my part, I’ll have to go by such-and-such a time”, and then work with that.
The benefit of doing this is that you’ll both know enough about the time constraints to use the time appropriately; you won’t run out the clock on smalltalk before getting to something big, and you’ll both come away feeling satisfied that you shared and were shared-with in a meaningful fashion.
In contrast, guessing at time constraints can leave big things clipped off, or else result in someone “looking for a way to politely end this conversation that stopped being interesting a while ago but it’ll seem rude if I say I have to go now”, of the kind that results in someone not being so open to a call next time.
Don’t rush to dismiss texts as a medium for meaningful connection
When text messages were first a thing, you’ll remember how we were all working within a very short character limit and a cost-per-message. It was telegrams for the modern age, basically.
Nowadays, that isn’t so; we can write as much or as little as we like, and this has two benefits:
- We can have longer, meaningful conversations around the other stuff in our life. We can reply in seconds, or after making a cup of tea and thinking about it, or after our grocery-chopping trip, or whenever suits us. Suddenly, time confetti isn’t such a barrier to human connection. Writer’s example: my prime social time in this manner is when I’m cooking dinner (which is often about an hour). There’s no way I could have a phonecall while doing that; my bad hearing notwithstanding, I just have my hands full too often with much else going on. But texting? I can do that in the several-minute gaps between assorted culinary tasks, while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or the onions to brown or whatever.
- Sometimes, the brevity makes it easier. A quick text saying “Hey, just to let you know I’m thinking of you, and hope your day is going well!”, or “Unrelated to anything: I was just thinking about how I’m glad to have you in my life; you’re a good friend, and I appreciate that more than I often remember to say. Anyway, that’s all; it was just on my mind. I hope your day is going well!”
(The cheery closing words in those last two text message examples help signify: “don’t worry, I’m fine and am not looking for anything from you”, which will help the recipient to relax, and counterintuitively, more likely to reply with some kind words of their own, knowing that they’re not signing up for a potentially deep talk when they also have time confetti issues going on)
Seize the moment (and also let it go)
You probably have many small interactions with strangers, most days. In the store, walking the dog, at the doctor’s office, etc. So, two things:
- Make smalltalk. And if you’re not one for traditional smalltalk topics (weather etc), or even if you are, a level-up is:
- Compliment sincerely. Straight out of “How To Win Friends And Influence People”, of course, but it creates a moment of genuine connection; you say a thing, their day is improved, they smile, you complete your business with a smile of your own and go about your day.
(of course, do steer clear of anything that could be interpreted as flirting, if that is not your intent, and really it should never be your intent when it comes to the captive audience of someone who will get fired if they’re not nice to you)
But, with a little practice, these little moments add up to a lot more human connection than if we treat the strangers with whom we interact as though they were merely part of the scenery.
Want more than that?
Check out:
How To Beat Loneliness & Isolation
Take care!
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You, Happier – by Dr. Daniel Amen
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The implicit question “what’s your brain type?” makes this book sound a little like a horoscope for science-enjoyers, but really, the “brain type” in question is simply a way of expressing which neurochemicals one’s brain makes most and/or least easily.
That’s something that a) really does differ from one person to another b) isn’t necessarily fixed forever, but will tend to remain mostly the same most of the time for most people.
And yes, the book does cover figuring out which neurotransmitter(s) it might be for you. On a secondary level, it also talks about more/less active parts of the brain for each of us, but the primary focus is on neurotransmitters.
It’s easy to assume “everyone wants more [your favorite neurotransmitter here]” but in fact, most people most of the time have most of what they need.
For those of us who don’t, those of us who perhaps have to work more to keep our level(s) of one or more neurotransmitters where they should be, this book is a great guide to optimizing aspects of our diet and lifestyle to compensate for what our brains might lack—potentially reducing the need to go for pharmaceutical approaches.
The style of the book is very much pop-science, but it is all well-informed and well-referenced.
Bottom line: if you sometimes (or often!) think “if only my brain would just make/acknowledge more [neurotransmitter], this book is for you.
Click here to check out You, Happier, and discover a happier you!
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Unfuck Your Brain – by Dr. Faith Harper
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This book takes a trauma-informed care approach, which is relatively novel in the mental health field and it’s quickly becoming the industry standard because of its effectiveness.
The basic premise of trauma-informed care is that you had a bad experience (possibly even more than one—what a thought!) and that things that remind you of that will tend to prompt reactivity from you in a way that probably isn’t healthy. By identifying each part of that process, we can then interrupt it, much like we might with CBT (the main difference being that CBT, for all its effectiveness, tends to assume that the things that are bothering you are not true, while TIC acknowledges that they might well be, and that especially historically, they probably were).
A word of warning: if something that triggers a trauma-based reactivity response in you is people swearing, then this book will either cure you by exposure therapy or leave you a nervous wreck, because it’s not just the title; Dr. Harper barely gets through a sentence without swearing. It’s a lot, even by this (European) reviewer’s standards (we’re a lot more relaxed about swearing over here, than people tend to be in America).
On the other hand, something that Dr. Harper excels at is actually explaining stuff very well. So while it sometimes seems like she’s “trying too hard” style-wise in terms of being “not like other therapists”, in her defence she’s nevertheless a very good writer; she knows her stuff, and knows how to communicate it clearly.
Bottom line: if you don’t mind a writer who swears more than 99% of soldiers, then this book is an excellent how-to guide for self-administered trauma-informed care.
Click here to check out Unfuck Your Brain, and indeed unfuck it!
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The Link Between Introversion & Sensory Processing
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We’ve talked before about how to beat loneliness and isolation, and how that’s important for all of us, including those of us on the less social end of the scale.
However, while we all need at least the option of social contact in order to be at our best, there’s a large portion of the population who also need to be able to retreat to somewhere quiet to recover from too much social goings-on.
Clinically speaking, this sometimes gets called introversion, or at least a negative score for extroversion on the “Big Five Inventory”, the only personality-typing system that actually gets used in science. Today we’re going to be focusing on a term that typically gets applied to those generally considered introverts:
The “highly sensitive person”
This makes it sound like a very rare snowflake condition, when in fact the diagnostic criteria yield a population bell curve of 30:40:30, whereupon 30% are in the band of “high sensitivity”, 40% “normal sensitivity” and the remaining 30% “low sensitivity”.
You may note that “high” and “low” together outnumber “normal”, but statistics is like that. It is interesting to note, though, that this statistical spread renders it not a disorder, so much as simply a description.
You can read more about it here:
Sensory-processing sensitivity and its relation to introversion and emotionality
What it means in practical terms
Such a person will generally seek solitude more frequently during the day than others will, and it’s not because of misanthropy (at least, statistically speaking it’s not; can’t speak for individuals!), but rather, it’s about needing downtime after what has felt like too much sensory processing resulting:
If this need for solitude is not met (sometimes it’s simply not practicable), then it can lead to overwhelm.
Sidenote about overwhelm: pick your battles! No, pick fewer than that. Put some back. That’s still too many 😜
Back to seriousness: if you’re the sort of person to walk into a room and immediately do the Sherlock Holmes thing of noticing everything about everyone, who is doing what, what has changed about the room since last time you were there, etc… Then that’s great; it’s a sign of a sharp mind, but it’s also a lot of information to process and you’re probably going to need a little decompression afterwards:
This is the biological equivalent of needing to let an overworked computer or phone cool down after excessive high-intensity use of its CPU.
The same goes if you’re the sort of person who goes into “performance mode” when in company, is “the life and soul of the party” etc, and/or perhaps “the elegant hostess”, but needs to then collapse afterwards because it’s more of a role you play than your natural inclination.
Take care of your battery
To continue the technological metaphor from earlier, if you repeatedly overuse a device without allowing it cooldown periods, it will break down (and if it’s a certain generation of iPhone, it might explode).
Similarly, if you repeatedly overuse your own highly sensitive senses (such as being often in social environment where there’s a lot going on) without allowing yourself adequate cooldown periods, you will break down (or indeed, explode: not literally, but some people are prone to emotional outbursts after bottling things up).
None of this is good for the health, not in the short term and not in the long term, either:
With that in mind, take care to take care of yourself, meeting your actual needs instead of just those that get socially assumed.
Want to take the test?
Here’s a two-minute test (results available immediately right there on-screen; no need to give your email or anything) 😎
Want to know more?
We reviewed this book about playing to one’s strengths in the context of sensitivity, a while back, and highly recommend it:
Sensitive – by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo
Enjoy!
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The Sun Exposure Dilemma
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The Sun Exposure Dilemma
Yesterday, we asked you about your policy on sun exposure, and got the above-pictured, below-described, set of answers:
- A little over a third of respondents chose “I recognize the risks, but I think the benefits outweigh them”
- A quarter of respondents chose “I am a creature of the shadows and I avoid the sun at all costs”
- A little over a fifth of respondents chose “I recognize the benefits, but I think the risks outweigh them”
- A little under a fifth of respondents chose “I’m a sun-lover! Give me that vitamin D and other benefits!”
All in all, this is perhaps the most even spread of answers we’ve had for Friday mythbuster polls—though the sample size was smaller than it often is.
Of those who added comments, common themes were to mention your local climate, and the importance of sunscreen and/or taking vitamin D supplements.
One subscriber mentioned having lupus and living in Florida, which is a particularly unfortunate combination:
Lupus Foundation | Lupus & UV exposure: What you need to know
Another subscriber wrote:
❝Use a very good sunscreen with a high SPF all the time. Reapply after swimming or as needed! I also wear polarized sunglasses anytime I’m outside.❞
…which are important things to note too, and a lot of people forget!
See also: Who Screens The Sunscreens? (on fearing chemical dangers, vs the protection given)
But, onto today’s science for the topic at hand…
We need to get plenty of sun to get plenty of vitamin D: True or False?
True or False, depending on so many factors—to the point that many people get it wildly wrong in either direction.
Whether we are getting enough vitamin D depends on many circumstances, including:
- The climate (and depending on latitude, time of year) where we live
- Our genes, and especially (but not only) our skintone
- The clothes we wear (or don’t)
- Our diet (and not just “how much vitamin D do we consume”)
- Chronic diseases that affect vitamin D metabolism and/or requirements and/or sensitivity to the sun
For a rundown on these factors and more, check out:
Should I be getting my vitamin D levels checked?
Notably, on the topic of whether you should stay in the sun for longer to get more vitamin D…
❝The body can only produce a certain amount of vitamin D at the time, so staying in the sun any longer than needed (which could be just a few minutes, in a sunny climate) is not going to help increase your vitamin D levels, while it will increase your risk of skin cancer.❞
In contrast, she does also note:
❝During winter, catching enough sun can be difficult, especially if you spend your days confined indoors. Typically, the required exposure increases to two to three hours per week in winter. This is because sunlight exposure can only help produce vitamin D if the UVB rays reach us at the correct angle. So in winter we should regularly spend time outside in the middle of the day to get our dose of vitamin D.❞
See also: Vitamin D & Calcium: Too Much Of A Good Thing?
We can skip the sun and get our vitamin D from diet/supplements: True or False?
True! However, vitamin D is not the only health benefit of sun exposure.
Not only is sunlight-induced serotonin production important for many things ranging from mood to circadian rhythm (which in turn affects many other aspects of health), but also…
While too much sun can cause skin cancer, too little sun could cause other kinds of cancer:
Benefits of Sunlight: A Bright Spot for Human Health
Additionally, according to new research, the circadian rhythm benefits we mentioned above may also have an impact on type 2 diabetes:
Can catching some rays help you fight off type 2 diabetes?
Which way to jump?
A lot of it depends on who you are, ranging from the factors we mentioned earlier, to even such things as “having many moles” or “having blonde hair”.
This latter item, blonde hair, is a dual thing: it’s a matter of genetic factors that align with being prone to being more sensitive to the sun, as well as being a lesser physical barrier to the sun’s rays than dark hair (that can block some UV rays).
So for example, if two people have comparably gray hair now, but one of them used to have dark hair and the other blonde, there will still be a difference in how they suffer damage, or don’t—and yes, even if their skin is visually of the same approximate skintone.
You probably already know for yourself whether you are more likely to burn or tan in the sun, and the former group are less resistant to the sun’s damage… But the latter group are more likely to spend longer in the sun, and accumulate more damage that way.
If you’d like a very comprehensive downloadable, here are the guidelines issued by the UK’s National Institute for Health and Care Excellence:
NICE Guidelines | Sunlight exposure: risks and benefits
…and skip to “At risk groups”, if you don’t want to read the whole thing; “Skin type” is also an important subsection, which also uses your hair and eye color as indicators.
Writer’s note: genetics are complicated and not everyone will fall neatly into categories, which is why it’s important to know the individual factors.
For example, I am quite light-skinned with slightly graying dark hair and gray-blue eyes, and/but also have an obscure Sámi gene that means my skin makes vitamin D easily, while simultaneously being unusually resistant to burning (I just tan). Basically: built for the midnight sun of the Arctic circle.
And yet! My hobbies include not getting skin cancer, so I tend to still be quite mindful of UV levels in different weathers and times of day, and make choices (schedule, clothing, sunscreen or not) accordingly.
Bottom line:
That big self-perpetuating nuclear explosion in the sky is responsible for many things, good and bad for our health, so be aware of your own risk factors, especially for vitamin D deficiency, and skin cancer.
- If you have a predisposition to both, that’s unfortunate, but diet and supplementation at least can help with the vitamin D while getting modest amounts of sun at most.
- Remember that you can only make so much vitamin D at once, so sunbathing for health benefits need only take a few minutes
- Remember that sunlight is important for our circadian rhythm, which is important for many things.
- That’s governed by specific photoreceptor cells, though, so we don’t need our skin to be exposed for that; we just need to be able to see sunlight.
- If you’re going to be out in the sun, and not covered up, sunscreen is your friend, and yes, that goes for clear cold days under the winter sun too.
- Most phone weather apps these days have a UV index score as part of the data they give. Get used to checking it as often as you’d check for rain.
Stay safe, both ways around!
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Pomegranate vs Figs – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing pomegranate to figs, we picked the pomegranate.
Why?
In terms of macros, pomegranate has a lot more protein* and fiber, while the fig has more carbs. Thus, a win for pomegranate.
*Why such protein in a fruit? In both cases, it’s mostly from the seeds, which in both cases, we’re eating. However, pomegranates have a much greater seed-to-mass ratio than figs, and thus, a correspondingly higher amount of protein. Also some fats from the seeds, again more than figs, but the margin of difference is smaller, and not really enough to be of relevance.
In the category of vitamins, pomegranates lead with more of vitamins B1, B5, B9, C, E, K, and choline, while figs have more of vitamins A, B3, and B6. The largest margins of difference are in vitamins B9, E, and K, so all in pomegranate’s favor.
The minerals scene is closer to even; pomegranate has more copper, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc, while figs have more calcium, iron, magnesium, and manganese. Thus, a 5:4 lead for pomegranate, and the larger margins of difference are again for pomegranate.
In short, enjoy both, but pomegranates are the more nutritionally dense. Also, don’t throw away the peel! Dry it, and turn it into a powdered supplement—see our linked article below, for why:
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
Pomegranate’s Health Gifts Are Mostly In Its Peel
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
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Aging Minds: Normal vs Abnormal Cognitive Decline
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Having a “senior moment” and having dementia are things that are quite distinct from one another; while we may very reasonably intend to fight every part of it, it’s good to know what’s “normal” as well as what is starting to look like progress into something more severe:
Know the differences
Cognitive abilities naturally decline with age, often beginning around 30 (yes, really—the first changes are mostly metabolic though, so this is far from set in stone). Commonly-noticed changes include:
- slower thinking
- difficulty multitasking
- reduced attention
- weaker memory.
Over time, these changes have what is believed to be a two-way association (as in, each causes/worsens the other) with changes in brain structure, especially reduced hippocampal and frontal lobe volume.
- Gradual cognitive changes are normal with age, whereas dementia involves a pathological decline affecting memory, problem-solving, and behavior.
- Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) involves noticeable cognitive decline without disrupting daily life, while dementia affects everyday tasks like cooking or driving.
- Dementia causes significant impairments, including motor challenges like falls or tremors, and dementia-induced cognitive decline symptoms include forgetfulness, getting lost, personality changes, and planning difficulties, often worsening with stress or illness.
To best avoid these, consider: regular exercise, a nutritious diet, good quality sleep, social interaction, and mentally stimulating activities.
Also, often forgotten (in terms of its relevance at least): managing cardiovascular health is very important too. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: what’s good for your heart is good for your brain (since the former feeds the latter with oxygen and nutrients, and also takes away detritus that will otherwise build up in the brain).
For more on all of this, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Is It Dementia? Spot The Signs (Because None Of Us Are Immune) ← we go into more specific detail here
Take care!
Don’t Forget…
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