Codependency Isn’t What Most People Think It Is
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Codependency isn’t what most people think it is
In popular parlance, people are often described as “codependent” when they rely on each other to function normally. That’s interdependent mutualism, and while it too can become a problem if a person is deprived of their “other half” and has no idea how to do laundry and does not remember to take their meds, it’s not codependency.
Codependency finds its origins in the treatment and management of alcoholism, and has been expanded to encompass other forms of relationships with dependence on substances and/or self-destructive behaviors—which can be many things, including the non-physical, for example a pattern of irresponsible impulse-spending, or sabotaging one’s own relationship(s).
We’ll use the simplest example, though:
- Person A is (for example) an alcoholic. They have a dependency.
- Person B, married to A, is not an alcoholic. However, their spouse’s dependency affects them greatly, and they do what they can to manage that, and experience tension between wanting to “save” their spouse, and wanting their spouse to be ok, which latter, superficially, often means them having their alcohol.
Person B is thus said to be “codependent”.
The problem with codependency
The problems of codependency are mainly twofold:
- The dependent partner’s dependency is enabled and thus perpetuated by the codependent partner—they might actually have to address their dependency, if it weren’t for their partner keeping them from too great a harm (be it financially, socially, psychologically, medically, whatever)
- The codependent partner is not having a good time of it either. They have the stress of two lives with the resources (e.g. time) of one. They are stressing about something they cannot control, understandably worrying about their loved one, and, worse: every action they might take to “save” their loved one by reducing the substance use, is an action that makes their partner unhappy, and causes conflict too.
Note: codependency is often a thing in romantic relationships, but it can appear in other relationships too, e.g. parent-child, or even between friends.
See also: Development and validation of a revised measure of codependency
How to deal with this
If you find yourself in a codependent position, or are advising someone who is, there are some key things that can help:
- Be a nurturer, not a rescuer. It is natural to want to “rescue” someone we care about, but there are some things we cannot do for them. Instead, we must look for ways to build their strength so that they can take the steps that only they can take to fix the problem.
- Establish boundaries. Practise saying “no”, and also be clear over what things you can and cannot control—and let go of the latter. Communicate this, though. An “I’m not the boss of you” angle can prompt a lot of people to take more personal responsibility.
- Schedule time for yourself. You might take some ideas from our previous tangentially-related article:
How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)
Want to read more?
That’s all we have space for today, but here’s a very useful page with a lot of great resources (including questionnaires and checklist and things, in case you’re thinking “is it, or…?”)
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10 Oft-Ignored Symptoms Of Diabetes
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Due in part to its prevalence and manageability, diabetes is often viewed as more of an inconvenience than an existential threat. While very few people in countries with decent healthcare die of diabetes directly (such as by diabetic ketoacidosis, which is very unpleasant, and happens disproportionately in the US where insulin is sold with a 500%–3000% markup in price compared to other countries), many more die of complications arising from comorbidities, and as for what comorbidities come with diabetes, well, it increases your risk for almost everything.
So, while for most people diabetes is by no means a death sentence, it is something that means you’ll now have to watch out for pretty much everything else too. On which note, Dr. Siobhan Deshauer is here with things to be aware of:
More than your waistline
Some of these are early symptoms (even appearing in the prediabetic stage, so can be considered an early warning for diabetes), some are later risks (it’s unlikely you’ll lose your feet from diabetic neuropathy complications before noticing that you are diabetic), but all and any of them are good reason to speak with your doctor sooner rather than later:
- Polyuria: waking up multiple times at night to urinate due to excess glucose spilling into the urine.
- Increased thirst: dehydration from frequent urination leads to excessive thirst, creating a cycle.
- Acanthosis nigricans: dark, velvety patches on areas like the neck, armpits, or groin, signalling insulin resistance.
- Skin tags: multiple skin tags in areas of friction may indicate insulin resistance.
- Recurrent Infections: high blood sugar weakens the immune system, making skin infections, UTIs, and yeast infections more common.
- Diabetic stiff hand syndrome: stiffness in hands, limited movement, or a “positive prayer sign” caused by sugar binding to skin and tendon proteins.
- Frozen shoulder and trigger finger: pain and limited movement in the shoulder or fingers, with a snapping sensation when moving inflamed tendons.
- Neuropathy: numbness, tingling, or pain in hands and feet due to nerve and blood vessel damage, often leading to foot deformities like Charcot foot.
- Diabetic foot infections: poor sensation, weakened immune response, and slow healing can result in severe infections and potential amputations.
- Gastroparesis: damage to stomach nerves causes delayed digestion, leading to bloating, nausea, and erratic blood sugar levels.
For more on all of these, plus some visuals of the things like what exactly is a “positive prayer sign”, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Cost of Insulin by Country 2024 ← after the US, the next most expensive country is Chile, at around 1/5 of the price; the cheapest listed is Turkey, at around 1/33 of the price.
Take care!
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Yoga that Helps You on the Loo
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How This Video Helps You Poo
When you’re feeling a bit bloated, Yoga With Bird’s 10-minute yoga routine promises to help you release…your gas. And, perhaps, more.
From a tabletop flow to soothing twists, each pose allows you to sync your breath with movement, helping to promote organic relief.
With options to modify with pillows for extra support, this video (below) caters to everyone needing a digestive reset.
Other Toilet Tricks
If yoga isn’t your thing, or you’re interested in trying to use different methods to make your visits to the bathroom a bit easier, we’ve spoken about the ways to manage gut health, and use of probiotics or fiber, and even the prevention of hemorrhoids.
Namaste and goodbye to bloat!
How was the video? If you’ve discovered any great videos yourself that you’d like to share with fellow 10almonds readers, then please do email them to us!
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Red Cabbage vs White Cabbage – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing red cabbage to white cabbage, we picked the red.
Why?
Perhaps you guessed this one, based on the “darker and/or more colorful foods are usually more nutritionally dense” dictum. That’s not always true, by the way, but it is a good rule of thumb and it is correct here. In the case of cabbages, each type is a nutritional powerhouse, but red does beat white:
In terms of macros, they’re quite comparable. They’re both >90% water with just enough other stuff (carbs, fiber, protein) to hold them together, and the “other stuff” in question is quite similarly proportioned in both cases. Within the carbs, even the sugar breakdown is similar. There are slight differences, but the differences are not only tiny, but also they balance out in any case.
When it comes to vitamins, as you might expect, the colorful red cabbage does better with more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B6, C, and choline, while white has more of vitamins B5, B9, E, and K. So, a 7:4 win for red.
In the category of minerals, it’s even more polarized; red cabbage has more calcium, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc. On the other hand, white contains a tiny amount more copper.
In short, both are great (red just makes white look bad by standing next to it, but honestly, white has lots of all those same things too, just not quite as much as red), and this writer will continue to use white when making her favorite shchi, but if you’re looking for the most nutritionally dense option, it’s red.
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
Enjoy Bitter Foods For Your Heart & Brain
Take care!
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Which Plant Milk?
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Plant-based milks—what’s best?
You asked us to look at some popular plant milks and their health properties, and we said we’d do a main feature, so here it is!
We’ll also give a quick nod to environmental considerations at the end too (they might not be quite what you expect!). That said, as a health and productivity newsletter, we’ll be focusing on the health benefits.
While we can give a broad overview, please note that individual brands may vary, especially in two important ways:
- Pro: many (most?) brands of plant milks fortify their products with extra vitamins and minerals, especially vitamin D and calcium.
- Con: some brands also add sugar.
So, by all means use this guide to learn about the different plants’ properties, and/but still do check labels later.
Alternatively, consider making your own!
- Pros: no added sugar + cheaper
- Cons: no added vitamins and minerals + some equipment required
Almond milk
Almond milk is low in carbs and thus good for a carb-controlled diet. It’s also high in vitamin E and a collection of minerals.
Oat milk
Oats are one of the healthiest “staple foods” around, and while drinking oat milk doesn’t convey all the benefits, it does a lot. It also has one of the highest soluble fiber contents of any milk, which is good for reducing LDL (bad) cholesterol levels.
See for example: Consumption of oat milk for 5 weeks lowers serum cholesterol and LDL cholesterol in free-living men with moderate hypercholesterolemia
Coconut milk
Coconut has a higher fat content than most plant milks, but also contains medium-chain triglycerides (MCTs). These raise HDL (good) cholesterol levels.
Read the study: How well do plant based alternatives fare nutritionally compared to cow’s milk?
Hemp milk
Being made from hemp seeds that contain a lot of protein and healthy fats (including omega-3 and omega-6), hemp milk packs a nutritious punch. It’s carb-free. It’s also THC-free, in case you were wondering, which means no, it does not have psychoactive effects.
Pea milk
It’s very high in protein, and contains an array of vitamins and minerals. It’s not very popular yet, so there isn’t as much research about it. This 2021 study found that it had the nutritional profile the closest to cow’s milk (beating soy by a narrow margin) and praised it as a good alternative for those with a soy allergy.
This is Research Review Monday so we try to stick to pure science, but for your interest… here’s an interesting pop-science article (ostensibly in affiliation with the pea milk brand, Ripple) about the nutritional qualities of their pea milk specifically, which uses particularly nutrient-dense yellow peas, plus some extra vitamin and mineral fortifications:
Read: Ripple Milk: 6 Reasons Why You Should Try Pea Milk
Soy milk
Perhaps the most popular plant milk, and certainly usually the cheapest in stores. It’s high in protein, similar to cow’s milk. In fact, nutritionally, it’s one of the closest to cow’s milk without involving cows as a middleman. (Did you know three quarters of all soy in the world is grown to feed to livestock, not humans? Now you do).
And no, gentlemen-readers, it won’t have any feminizing effects. The human body can’t use the plant estrogens in soy for that. It does give some isoflavone benefits though, which are broadly good for everyone’s health. See for example this research review with 439 sources of its own:
Read: Soy and Health Update: Evaluation of the Clinical and Epidemiologic Literature
Quick note on flavor: nut milks have the flavor of the nut they were made from. Coconut milk tastes of coconut. The other milks listed above don’t have much of a flavor—which in many cases may be what you want.
Note on environmental considerations:
A lot of us try to be as socially responsible as reasonably possible in our choices, so this may be an influencing factor. In a nutshell:
- Oats and Soy are generally grown as vast monocrops, and these are bad for the environment
- They are still better for the environment than cow’s milk though, as for example most soy is grown to feed to cows, not humans. So including cows in the process means four times as much monocrop farming, plus adds several other environmental issues that are beyond the scope of this newsletter.
- Almonds are particularly resource-intensive when it comes to water use.
- Still nowhere near as much as cows, though.
- Peas are grown in places that naturally have very high rainfall, so are a good option here. Same generally goes for rice, which didn’t make the cut today. (Nor did hazelnuts, sorry—we can only include so much!)
- Hemp is by far and away the most environmentally friendly, assuming it is grown in a climate naturally conducive to such.
- Making plant milk at home is usually most environmentally friendly, depending on where your ingredients came from.
- Literally any plant milk is much more environmentally friendly than cow’s milk.
See the science for yourself: Reducing food’s environmental impacts through producers and consumers
See also (if you like graphs and charts): Environmental footprints of dairy and plant-based milks
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The Age-Proof Brain – by Dr. Marc Milstein
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Biological aging is not truly just one thing, but rather the amalgam of many things intersecting—and most of them are modifiable. The cells of your body neither know nor care how many times you have flown around the sun; they just respond to the stimuli they’re given.
Which is what fuels this book. The idea is to have a brain that is less-assailed by the things that would make it age, and more rejuvenated by the things that can make it biologically younger.
Dr. Milstein doesn’t neglect the rest of the body, and indeed notes the brain’s connections with the immune system, the heart, the gut, and more. But everything in this book is done with the brain in mind and its good health as the top priority outcome of all the things he advises.
On which note, yes, there is plenty of practical, implementable advice here. For a book that is consistently full of study paper citations, he does take care to make everything useful to the reader, and makes everything as easy as possible for the layperson along the way.
Bottom line: if you would like your brain to age less, this is an excellent, very evidence-based, guidebook.
Click here to check out The Age-Proof Brain, and age-proof your brain!
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Limitless Expanded Edition – by Jim Kwik
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This is a little flashier in presentation than we usually go for here, but the content is actually very good. Indeed, we’ve featured Jim Kwik before, with different, but also good content—in that case, physical exercises that strengthen the brain.
This time, Kwik (interspersed with motivational speeches that you may or may not benefit from, but they are there) offers a step-by-step course in improving various metrics of cognitive ability. His methods were produced by trial and error, and now have been refined and enjoyed by man. If it sounds like a sales gimmick, it is a bit, but the good news is that everything you need to benefit is in the book; it’s not about upselling to a course or “advanced” books or whatnot.
The style is enthusiastically conversational, and instructions when given (which is often) are direct and clear.
Bottom line: one of the most critical abilities a brain can have is the ability to improve itself, so whatever level your various cognitive abilities are at right now, if you apply this book, you will almost certainly improve in one or more areas, which will make it worth the price of the book.
Click here to check out Limitless, and find out what you can do!
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