Captivate – by Vanessa van Edwards

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This book isn’t just for one area of human interactions. It covers everything from the boardroom to the bedroom (not necessarily a progression with the same person!), business associates, friends, partners, kids, and more.

She presents information in a layered manner, covering for example, chapter-by-chapter:

  • the first five minutes
  • the first five hours
  • the first five days

She also covers such things as:

  • starting conversations in a way that makes you memorable (without making it weird!)
  • the importance of really listening (and how to do that)
  • collecting like-minded people appropriately
  • introducing other people! Because a) it’s not all about you, but also b) you’re the person who knows everybody now
  • where to stand at parties / networking events!
  • dating and early-days dating messages
  • reading the room, reading the people

All in all, a great resource for anyone who wants to make (and maintain!) meaningful relationships with those around you.

Grab Your Copy of “Captivate” on Amazon Now!

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Recommended

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  • Loving Someone Who Has Dementia – by Dr. Pauline Boss

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    We previously reviewed Dr. Boss’s excellent book “Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work With Ambiguous Loss”, which partially overlaps in ideas with this one. In that case, it was about grief when a loved one is “gone, but are they really?”, which can include missing persons, people killed in ways that weren’t 100% confirmed (e.g. no body to bury), and in contrast, people who are present in body but not entirely present mentally: perhaps in a coma, for example. It also includes people are for other reasons not entirely present in the way they used to be, which includes dementia. And that latter case is what this book focuses on.

    In the case of dementia, we cannot, of course, simply focus on ourselves. Well, not if we care about the person with dementia, anyway. Much like with the other kinds of ambiguous loss, we cannot fully come to terms with things while on the cusp of presence and absence, and we cannot, as such, “give up” on our loved one.

    What then, of hope? The author makes the case for—in absence of any kind of closure—making our peace with the situation as it is, making our peace with the uncertainty of things. And that means not only “at any moment could come a more clearly complete loss”, but also on the flipside at least a faint candle of hope, that we should not grasp with both hands (that is not how to treat a candle, literally or metaphorically), but rather, hold gently, and enjoy its gentle light.

    Dr. Boss also covers more practical considerations; family rituals, celebrations, gatherings, and the idea of “the good-enough relationship”. Particularly helpfully, she gives her “seven guidelines for the journey”, which even if one decides against adopting them all, are definitely all good things to at least have considered.

    The style is much more tailored to the lay reader than the other book of hers that we reviewed, which was intended more for clinicians, but useful also for those of us who have been hit by such kinds of grief. In this case, however, her intention is first and foremost for the family of a person who has dementia—there are still footnotes throughout though, for those who still want to read scientific papers that support the various ideas discussed in the book.

    Bottom line: if a loved one has dementia or that seems a likely possibility for you, this book can help a lot!

    Click here to check out Loving Someone Who Has Dementia, and indeed find hope while coping with stress and grief.

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  • Gut-Healthy Tacos

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    Full of prebiotics and probiotics, healthy fats, colorful salad boasting vitamins and minerals aplenty, and of course satisfying protein too, these tacos are also boasting generous flavors to keep you coming back for more…

    You will need

    • 24 sardines—canned is fine (if vegetarian/vegan, substitute tempeh and season generously; marinade if you have time)
    • 12 small wholewheat tortillas
    • 1 14oz/400g can black beans, drained
    • 1 ripe avocado, stoned and cut into small chunks
    • 1 red onion, thinly sliced
    • 1 little gem lettuce, shredded
    • 12 cherry tomatoes, halved
    • 1 bulb garlic, crushed
    • 1 lemon, sliced
    • 4 tbsp plain unsweetened yogurt (your choice what kind, but something with a live culture is best)
    • 3oz pickled jalapeños, roughly chopped
    • 1oz cilantro (or substitute parsley if you have the cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene), finely chopped
    • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
    • 2 tsp black pepper
    • 1 tsp smoked paprika
    • Juice of 1 lime
    • Optional: Tabasco sauce, or similar hot sauce

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Preheat your oven to a low temperature; 200℉ or just under 100℃ is fine

    2) Place the lemon slices on top of the sardines on top of foil on a baking tray; you want the foil to be twice as much as you’d expect to need, because now you’re going to fold it over and make a sort of sealed envelope. You could use a dish with a lid yes, but this way is better because there’s going to be less air inside. Upturn the edges of the envelope slightly so that juices won’t run out, and make sure the foil is imperfectly sealed so a little steam can escape but not much at a time. This will ensure it doesn’t dry out, while also ensuring your house doesn’t smell of fish. Put all this into the oven on a middle shelf.

    3) Mix the lime juice with the onion in a bowl, and add the avocado and tomatoes, mixing gently. Add half the cilantro, and set aside.

    4) Put the black beans in a sieve and pour boiling water over them to refresh and slightly warm them. Tip them into a bowl and add the olive oil, black pepper, and paprika. Mix thoroughly with a fork, and no need to be gentle this time; in fact, deliberately break the beans a little in this case.

    5) Mix the yogurt, jalapeños, garlic, and remaining cilantro in a small bowl.

    6) Get the warmed sardines from the oven; discard the lemon slices.

    7) Assemble! We recommend the order: tortilla, lettuce, fish (2 per taco), black bean mixture, salad mixture, garlic jalapeño yogurt mixture. You can also add a splash of the hot sauce per your preference, or if catering for more people, let people add their own.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • The Fruit That Can Specifically Reduce Belly Fat

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    Gambooge: Game-Changer Or Gamble?

    The gambooge, also called the gummi-gutta, whence its botanical name Garcinia gummi-gutta (formerly Gardinia cambogia), is also known as the Malabar tamarind, and it even got an English name, the brindle berry.

    It’s a fruit that looks like a small pale yellow pumpkin in shape, but it grows on trees and has a taste so sour, that it’s usually used only in cooking, and not eaten raw which makes this writer really want to try it raw now.

    Its active phytochemical compound hydroxycitric acid (HCA) rose to popularity as a supplement in the US based on a paid recommendation from Dr. Oz, and then became a controversy as supplements associated with it, were in turn associated with hepatotoxicity (more on this in the “Is it safe?” section below).

    What do people use it for?

    Simply put: it’s a weight loss supplement.

    Less simply put: least interestingly, it’s a mild appetite suppressant:

    Safety and mechanism of appetite suppression by a novel hydroxycitric acid extract (HCA-SX) ← this talks more about the biochemistry, but isn’t a human study. Human studies have been small and with mixed results. It seems likely that (as in the rat studies discussed above) the mechanism of action is largely about increasing serotonin, which itself is a well-established appetite suppressant. Therefore, the results will depend somewhat on a person’s brain’s serotonergic system.

    We’ll revisit that later, but first let’s look at…

    Even less simply put: its other mechanism of action is much more interesting; it actually blocks the production of fat (especially: visceral fat) in the body, by inhibiting citrate lyase, which enzyme plays a significant role in fat production:

    Effects of (−)-hydroxycitrate on net fat synthesis as de novo lipogenesis

    More illustratively, here’s another study, which found:

    ❝G cambogia reduced abdominal fat accumulation in subjects, regardless of sex, who had the visceral fat accumulation type of obesity. No rebound effect was observed.

    It is therefore expected that G cambogia may be useful for the prevention and reduction of accumulation of visceral fat. ❞

    ~ Dr. Norihiro Shigematsu et al.

    Read in full: Effects of garcinia cambogia (Hydroxycitric Acid) on visceral fat accumulation: a double-blind, randomized, placebo-controlled trial

    As to why this is particularly important, and far more important than mere fat loss in general, see our previous main feature:

    Visceral Belly Fat (And How To Lose It)

    Is it safe?

    It has shown a good safety profile up to large doses (2.8g/day):

    Evaluation of the safety and efficacy of hydroxycitric acid or Garcinia cambogia extracts in humans

    There have been some fears about hepatotoxicity, but they appear to be unfounded, and based on products that did not, in fact, contain HCA (and were merely sold by a company that used a similar name in their marketing):

    No evidence demonstrating hepatotoxicity associated with hydroxycitric acid

    However, as it has a serotoninergic effect, it could cause problems for anyone at risk of serotonin syndrome, which means caution is advisable if you are taking SSRIs (which reduce the rate at which the brain can scrub serotonin, with the usually laudable goal of having more serotonin in the brain—but it is possible to have too much of a good thing, and serotonin syndrome isn’t fun).

    As ever, do check with your pharmacist and/or doctor, to be sure, since they can advise with regard to your specific situation and any medications you may be taking.

    Want to try some?

    We don’t sell it, but here for your convenience is an example product on Amazon

    Enjoy!

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Related Posts

  • The Body Is Not an Apology – by Sonya Renee Taylor
  • Lacking Motivation? Science Has The Answer

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The Science Of Motivation (And How To Use It To Your Advantage)

    When we do something rewarding, our brain gets a little (or big!) spike of dopamine. Dopamine is popularly associated with pleasure—which is fair— but there’s more to it than this.

    Dopamine is also responsible for motivation itself, as a prime mover before we do the thing that we find rewarding. If we eat a banana, and enjoy it, perhaps because our body needed the nutrients from it, our brain gets a hit of dopamine.

    (and not because bananas contain dopamine; that dopamine is useful for the body, but can’t pass the blood-brain barrier to have an effect on the brain)

    So where does the dopamine in our brain come from? That dopamine is made in the brain itself.

    Key Important Fact: the brain produces dopamine when it expects an activity to be rewarding.

    If you take nothing else away from today’s newsletter, let it be this!

    It makes no difference if the activity is then not rewarding. And, it will keep on motivating you to do something it anticipated being rewarding, no matter how many times the activity disappoints, because it’ll remember the very dopamine that it created, as having been the reward.

    To put this into an example:

    • How often have you spent time aimlessly scrolling social media, flitting between the same three apps, or sifting through TV channels when “there’s nothing good on to watch”?
    • And how often did you think afterwards “that was a good and rewarding use of my time; I’m glad I did that”?

    In reality, whatever you felt like you were in search of, you were really in search of dopamine. And you didn’t find it, but your brain did make some, just enough to keep you going.

    Don’t try to “dopamine detox”, though.

    While taking a break from social media / doomscrolling the news / mindless TV-watching can be a great and healthful idea, you can’t actually “detox” from a substance your body makes inside itself.

    Which is fortunate, because if you could, you’d die, horribly and miserably.

    If you could “detox” completely from dopamine, you’d lose all motivation, and also other things that dopamine is responsible for, including motor control, language faculties, and critical task analysis (i.e. planning).

    This doesn’t just mean that you’d not be able to plan a wedding; it also means:

    • you wouldn’t be able to plan how to get a drink of water
    • you wouldn’t have any motivation to get water even if you were literally dying of thirst
    • you wouldn’t have the motor control to be able to physically drink it anyway

    Read: Dopamine and Reward: The Anhedonia Hypothesis 30 years on

    (this article is deep and covers a lot of ground, but is a fascinating read if you have time)

    Note: if you’re wondering why that article mentions schizophrenia so much, it’s because schizophrenia is in large part a disease of having too much dopamine.

    Consequently, antipsychotic drugs (and similar) used in the treatment of schizophrenia are generally dopamine antagonists, and scientists have been working on how to treat schizophrenia without also crippling the patient’s ability to function.

    Do be clever about how you get your dopamine fix

    Since we are hardwired to crave dopamine, and the only way to outright quash that craving is by inducing anhedonic depression, we have to leverage what we can’t change.

    The trick is: question how much your motivation aligns with your goals (or doesn’t).

    So if you feel like checking Facebook for the eleventieth time today, ask yourself: “am I really looking for new exciting events that surely happened in the past 60 seconds since I last checked, or am I just looking for dopamine?”

    You might then realize: “Hmm, I’m actually just looking for dopamine, and I’m not going to find it there”

    Then, pick something else to do that will actually be more rewarding. It helps if you make a sort of dopa-menu in advance, of things to pick from. You can keep this as a list on your phone, or printed and pinned up near your computer.

    Examples might be: Working on that passion project of yours, or engaging in your preferred hobby. Or spending quality time with a loved one. Or doing housework (surprisingly not something we’re commonly motivated-by-default to do, but actually is rewarding when done). Or exercising (same deal). Or learning that language on Duolingo (all those bells and whistles the app has are very much intentional dopamine-triggers to make it addictive, but it’s not a terrible outcome to be addicted to learning!).

    Basically… Let your brain’s tendency to get led astray work in your favor, by putting things in front of it that will lead you in good directions.

    Things for your health and/or education are almost always great things to allow yourself the “ooh, shiny” reaction and pick them up, try something new, etc.

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  • The Inflamed Mind – by Dr. Edward Bullmore

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    Firstly, let’s note that this book was published in 2018, so the “radical new” approach is more like “tried and tested and validated” now.

    Of course, inflammation in the brain is also linked to Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and other neurodegenerative disorders, but that’s not the main topic here.

    Dr. Bullmore, a medical doctor, psychiatrist, and neuroscientist with half the alphabet after his name, knows his stuff. We don’t usually include author bio information here, but it’s also relevant that he has published more than 500 scientific papers and is one of the most highly cited scientists worldwide in neuroscience and psychiatry.

    What he explores in this book, with a lot of hard science made clear for the lay reader, is the mechanisms of action of depression treatments that aren’t just SSRIs, and why anti-inflammatory approaches can work for people with “treatment-resistant depression”.

    The book was also quite prescient in its various declarations of things he expects to happen in the field in the next five years, because they’ve happened now, five years later.

    Bottom line: if you’d like to understand how the mind and body affect each other in the cases of inflammation and depression, with a view to lessening either or both of those things, this is a book for you.

    Click here to check out The Inflamed Mind, and take good care of yours!

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  • Move over, COVID and Flu! We Have “Hybrid Viruses” To Contend With Now

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    Move over, COVID and Flu! We have “hybrid viruses” to contend with now

    COVID and influenza viruses can be serious, of course, so let’s be clear up front that we’re not being dismissive of those. But, most people are hearing a lot about them, whereas respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) has flown under a lot of radars.

    Simply put, until recently it hasn’t been considered much of a threat except to the young, the old, or people with other respiratory illnesses. Only these days, the prevalence of “other respiratory illnesses” is a lot higher than it used to be!

    It’s not just a comorbidity

    It’s easy to think “well of course if you have more than one illness at once, especially similar ones, that’s going to suck” but it’s a bit more than that; it produces newer, more interesting, hybrid viruses. Here’s a research paper from last year’s “flu season”:

    Coinfection by influenza A virus and respiratory syncytial virus produces hybrid virus particles

    Best to be aware of this if you’re in the “older” age-range

    It’s not just that the older we are, the more likely we are to get it. Critically, the older we are, the more likely we are to be hospitalized by it.

    And..the older we are, the less likely we are to come back from hospital if hospitalized by it.

    Some years back, the intensive care and mortality rates for people over the age of 65 were 8% and 7%, respectively:

    Respiratory syncytial virus infection in elderly and high-risk adults

    …but a new study this year has found the rates like to be 2.2x that, i.e. 15% intensive care rate and 18% mortality, respectively:

    Adjusting for Case Under-Ascertainment in Estimating RSV Hospitalisation Burden of Older Adults in High-Income Countries: a Systematic Review and Modelling Study

    Want to know more?

    Here are some hot-off-the-press news articles on the topic:

    And as for what to do…

    Same general advice as for COVID and Flu, just, ever-more important:

    • Try to keep to well-ventilated places as much as possible
    • Get any worrying symptoms checked out quickly
    • Mask up when appropriate
    • Get your shots as appropriate

    See also:

    Harvard Health Review | Fall shots: Who’s most vulnerable to RSV, COVID, and the flu, and which shots are the right choice for you to help protect against serious illness and hospitalization?

    Stay safe!

    Don’t Forget…

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