Perfectionism, And How To Make Yours Work For You
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Harness The Power Of Your Perfectionism
A lot of people see perfectionism as a problem—and it can be that!
We can use perfectionism as a would-be shield against our fear of failure, by putting things off until we’re better prepared (repeat forever, or at least until the deadliniest deadline that ever deadlined), or do things but really struggle to draw a line under them and check them off as “done” because we keep tweaking and improving and improving… With diminishing returns (forever). So, that’s not helpful.
But, if we’re mindful, we can also leverage our perfectionism to our benefit.
Great! How?
First we need to be able to discern the ways in which perfectionism can be bad or good for us. Or as it’s called in psychology, ways in which our perfectionism can be maladaptive or adaptive.
- Maladaptive: describing a behavioral adaptation to our environment—specifically, a reactive behavioral adaptation that is unhealthy and really is not a solution to the problem at hand
- Adaptive: describing a behavioral adaptation to our environment—specifically, a responsive behavioral adaptation that is healthy and helps us to thrive
So in the case of perfectionism, one example for each might be:
- Maladaptive: never taking up that new hobby, because you’re just going to suck at it anyway, and what’s the point if you’re not going to excel? You’re a perfectionist, and you don’t settle for anything less than excellence.
- Adaptive: researching the new hobby, learning the basics, and recognizing that even if the results are not immediately perfect, the learning process can be… Yes, even with mistakes along the way, for they too are part of learning! You’re a perfectionist, and you’re going to be the best possible student of your new hobby.
Did you catch the key there?
When it comes to approaching things we do in life—either because we want to or because we must—there are two kinds of mindset: goal-oriented, and task-oriented.
Broadly speaking, each has their merits, and as a general topic, it’s beyond the scope of today’s main feature. Here we’re looking at it in the context of perfectionism, and in that frame, there’s a clear qualitative difference:
- The goal-oriented perfectionist will be frustrated to the point of torment, at not immediately attaining the goal. Everything short of that will be a means to an end, at best. Not fun.
- The task-oriented perfectionist will take joy in going about the task in the best way possible, and optimizing their process as they go. The journey itself will be rewarding and a tangible product of their consistent perfectionism.
The good news is: you get to choose! You’re not stuck in a box.
If you’re thinking “I’m a perfectionist and I’m generally a goal-oriented person”, that’s fine. You’re just going to need to reframe your goals.
- Instead of: my goal is to be fluent in Arabic
- …so you never speak it, because to err is human, all too human, and you’re a perfectionist, so you don’t want that!
- Let’s try: my goal is to study Arabic for at least 15 minutes per day, every day, without fail, covering at least some new material each time, no matter how small the increase
- …and then you go and throw yourself into conversation way out of your depth, make mistakes, and get corrections, because that’s how you learn, and you’re a perfectionist, so you want that!
This goes for any field of expertise, of course.
- If you want to play the violin solo in Carnegie Hall, you have to pick up your violin and practice each day.
- If you want to be a world-renowned pastry chef, you have to make a consistent habit of baking.
- If you want to write a bestselling book, you have to show up at your keyboard.
Be perfect all you want, but be the perfect student.
And as your skills grow, maybe you’ll upgrade that to also being the perfect practitioner, and perhaps later still, the perfect teacher.
But just remember:
Perfection comes not from the end goal (that would be backwards thinking!) but from the process (which includes mistakes; they’re an important part of learning; embrace them and grow!), so perfect that first.
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Antihistamines for Runny Nose?
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small 😎
❝Do you have any articles about using Anti-Histamines? My nose seems to be running a lot. I don’t have a cold or any allergies that I know of. I tried a Nasal spray Astepro, but it doesn’t do much.?❞
Just for you, we wrote such an article yesterday in response to this question!
The Astepro that you tried, by the way, is a brand name of the azelastine we mentioned near the end, before we got to talking about systemic corticosteroids such as beclometasone dipropionate—this latter might help you if antihistamines haven’t, and if your doctor advises there’s no contraindication (for most people it is safe for there are exceptions, such as if you are immunocompromised and/or currently fighting some infection).
You can find more details on all this in yesterday’s article, which in case you missed it, can be found at:
Antihistamines’ Generation Gap: Are You Ready For Allergy Season?
Enjoy!
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How Your Diet May Be Causing Chronic Tightness (& How To Fix It)
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There is often more to hamstring flexibility than just stretching:
Three steps
The method focuses on three areas: diet, mindset, and movement.
Why diet? Poor gut health and inflammation, often caused by processed and fast foods, contribute to chronic hamstring tightness. The video suggests nutrient-dense meals like Greek yogurt with poached eggs. As for collagen, that is found most abundantly in the bones and skin of fish and other animals, but if you are vegan/vegetarian, fear not, you can just make sure to eat plenty of its constituent parts instead, and synthesize it yourself like any other animal. See also: The Best Foods For Collagen Production
Why mindset? Addressing pain and other somatic (bodily) concerns involves understanding the body as a single interconnected system. So, it’s necessary to also take care of any emotional stress or other underlying conditions, as well as ensuring your hormones are all in order.
Why movement? Machine-based training, which isolates muscles, can cause imbalances. Instead, consider functional movements like hanging and compound exercises such as Pilates or other calisthenics systems. These improve core strength, enhance flexibility, and prevent stiffness, ensuring better overall function.
Some example exercises:
- Bent knee hamstring stretch: hold for 2 seconds; do 10–12 reps (2 sets per leg).
- Straight leg active isolation: focus on quad engagement with assistance from a band; 10–12 reps (2 sets per leg).
- Active hip abductors: target IT band and glute medius; 1 set of 12 reps per leg.
- Active lunge stretch: incorporate a band to intensify the stretch; 2 seconds at the top range.
For more on all of this plus visual demonstrations of the exercises, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Fix Tight Hamstrings In Just 3 Steps
Take care!
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How to Fall Asleep Faster: CBT-Insomnia Treatment
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Insomnia affects a lot of people, and is even more common as we get older. Happily, therapist Emma McAdam is here with a drug-free solution that will work for most people most of the time.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBTI)
While people think of causes of insomnia as being things such as stress, anxiety, overthinking, disturbances, and so forth, these things affect sleep in the short term, but don’t directly cause chronic insomnia.
We say “directly”, because chronic insomnia is usually the result of the brain becoming accustomed to the above, and thus accidentally training itself to not sleep.
The remedy: cut the bad habit of staying in bed while awake. Lying in bed awake trains the brain to associate lying in bed with wakefulness (and any associated worrying, etc). In essence, we lie down, and the brain thinks “Aha, we know this one; this is the time and place for worrying, ok, let’s get to work”.
So instead: if you’re in bed and not asleep within 15 minutes, get up and do something non-stimulating until you feel sleepy, then return to bed. This may cause some short term tiredness, but it will usually correct the chronic insomnia within a week.
For more details, tips, and troubleshooting with regard to the above, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
How to Fall Back Asleep After Waking Up in the Middle of the Night
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Slow-Cooker Moroccan Tagine
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Tagine (طاجين) (tā-jīn) is a traditional dish named after, well, the traditional dish that it’s cooked in. Here’s an example tagine pot on Amazon. It’s a very nifty bit of kit, and while it’s often used for cooking over charcoal, one of its features is that if you have a hot sunny day, you can just leave it out in the sun and it will cook the contents nicely. Today though, we’re going to assume you don’t have one of these, and are going to give instructions for cooking a tagine-style dish with a slow cooker, which we’re going to assume you do have.
You will need
- 2 large red onions, finely chopped
- 2 large red peppers, cut into 1″ chunks
- 2 large zucchini, cut into ½” chunks
- 1 large eggplant, cut into ½” chunks
- 3 cups tomato passata
- 2 cups cooked chickpeas
- 16 pitted Medjool dates, chopped
- ½ bulb garlic, finely chopped
- 1 tbsp ras el-hanout
- A little extra virgin olive oil
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Let your slow cooker heat up while you chop the things that need chopping
2) Add a splash of olive oil to the slow cooker; ensure the base is coated and there’s a little oil spare in there too; a thin coat to the base plus a couple of tbsp should do it nicely.
3) Add the onions and garlic, and leave for an hour.
4) Add the passata, dates, ras el-hanout, stir it and leave for an hour.
5) Add the chickpeas, peppers, and eggplant; stir it and leave for an hour.
6) Add the zucchini, stir it and leave for an hour.
7) Serve—it goes great with its traditional pairing of wholegrain couscous, but if you prefer, you can use our tasty versatile rice. In broader culinary terms, serving it with any carb is fine.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Level-Up Your Fiber Intake! (Without Difficulty Or Discomfort)
- What Matters Most For Your Heart? Eat More (Of This) For Lower Blood Pressure
- Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits?
Take care!
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Fasting Without Crashing?
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Intermittent Fasting: What’s the truth?
Before we get to facts and fictions, let’s quickly cover:
What is Intermittent Fasting?
Intermittent Fasting (IF) is an umbrella term for various kinds of time-restricted fasting, based on a schedule. Types include:
Time-restricted IF, for example:
- 16:8—Fast for 16 hours, eat during an 8-hour window
- 18:6–Fast for 18 hours, eat during a 6-hour window
- 20:4—Fast for 20 hours, eat during a 4-hour window
24hr fasting, including:
- Eat Stop Eat—basically, take a day off from eating once a week
- Alternate Day Fasting—a more extreme version of the above; it is what it sounds like; eat one day, fast the next, repeat
Non-fast fasting, e.g:
- 5:2—Eat normally for 5 days, have a very reduced calorie intake (⅓ of normal intake) for the other 2 days
- Fruit Fasting—have a small amount of fruit on “fast” days, but no other food
- The Warrior Diet—as above, but include a small amount of non-starchy vegetables
Why IF?
While IF is perhaps most commonly undertaken as a means of fat loss or fat management (i.e., keeping fat down when it is already low), others cite different reasons, such as short term cognitive performance or long-term longevity.
But… Does it work?
Here we get into the myth-busting bit!
“IF promotes weight loss”
Mix of True and False. It can! But it also doesn’t have to. If you’re a bodybuilder who downs 4,000 calories in your 4hr eating window, you’re probably not going to lose weight! For such people, this is of course “a feature, not a bug” of IF—especially as it has been found that, in an acute study, IF did not adversely impact muscle protein synthesis.
“IF promotes fat loss, without eating less”
Broadly True. IF was found to be potentially equal to, but not necessarily better than, eating less.
“IF provides metabolic benefits for general health”
Broadly True. IF (perhaps counterintuitively) decreases the risk of insulin resistance, and also has anti-inflammatory effects, benefits a healthy gut microbiome, and promotes healthy autophagy (which as we noted in a previous edition of 10almonds, is important against both aging and cancer)
However, results vary according to which protocol you’re observing…
For what it’s worth, 16:8 is perhaps the most-studied protocol. Because such studies tend to have the eating window from midday to 8pm, this means that—going against popular wisdom—part of the advice here is basically “skip breakfast”.
“Unlike caloric restriction, IF is sustainable and healthy as a long-term protocol”
Broadly True. Of course, there’s a slight loophole here in that IF is loosely defined—technically everyone fasts while they’re sleeping, at the very least!
However, for the most commonly-studied IF method (16:8), this is generally very sustainable and healthy and for most people.
On the other hand, a more extreme method such as Alternate Day Fasting, may be trickier to sustain (even if it remains healthy to do so), because it’s been found that hunger does not decrease on fasting days—ie, the body does not “get used to it”.
The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition wrote:
❝Alternate-day fasting was feasible in nonobese subjects, and fat oxidation increased. However, hunger on fasting days did not decrease, perhaps indicating the unlikelihood of continuing this diet for extended periods of time. Adding one small meal on a fasting day may make this approach to dietary restriction more acceptable.❞
“IF improves mood and cognition”
Mix of True and False (plus an honest “We Don’t Know” from researchers).
Many studies have found benefits to both mood and cognition, but in the short-term, fasting can make people “hangry” (or: “experience irritability due to low blood sugar levels”, as the scientists put it), and in the long term, it can worsen symptoms of depression for those who already experience such—although some studies have found it can help alleviate depressive symptoms.
Basically this is one where researchers typically append the words “more research is needed” to their summaries.
“Anyone can do IF”
Definitely False, unless going by the absolute broadest possible interpretation of what constitutes “Intermittent Fasting” to the point of disingenuity.
For example, if you are Type 1 Diabetic, and your blood sugars are hypo, and you wait until tomorrow to correct that, you will stand a good chance of going into a coma instead. So please don’t.
(On the other hand, IF may help achieve remission of type 2 diabetes)
Lastly, IF is broadly not recommend to children and adolescents, anyone pregnant or breastfeeding, and certain underlying health conditions not mentioned above (we’re not going to try to give an exhaustive list here, but basically, if you have a chronic health condition, we recommend you check with your doctor first).
WHICH APP?
Choosing a fasting app
Thinking of giving IF a try and would like a little extra help? We’ve got you covered!
Check out: Livewire’s 7 Best Intermittent Fasting Apps of 2023
Prefer to just trust us with a recommendation?
We like BodyFast—it’s #2 on Lifewire’s list, but it has an array of pre-set plans to choose from (unlike Lifewire’s #1, Zero), and plenty of clear tracking, scheduling help, and motivational features.
Both are available on both iOS and Android:
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How To Stop Binge-Eating: Flip This Switch!
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“The Big Eating Therapist” Sarah Dosanjh has insights from both personal and professional experience:
No “Tough Love” Necessary
Eating certain foods is often socially shamed, and it’s easy to internalize that, and feel guilty. While often guilt is considered a pro-social emotion that helps people to avoid erring in a way that will get us excluded from the tribe (bearing in mind that for most of our evolutionary history, exile would mean near-certain death), it is not good at behavior modification when it comes to addictions or anything similar to addictions.
The reason for this is that if we indulge in a pleasure we feel we “shouldn’t” and expect we’d be shamed for, we then feel bad, and we immediately want something to make us feel better. Guess what that something will be. That’s right: the very same thing we literally just felt ashamed about.
So guilt is not helpful when it comes to (for example) avoiding binge-eating.
Instead, Dosanjh points us to a study whereby dieters ate a donut and drank water, before being given candy for taste testing. The control group proceeded without intervention, while the experimental group had a self-compassion intervention between the donut and the candy. This meant that researchers told the participants not to feel bad about eating the donut, emphasizing self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity. The study found that those who received the intervention, ate significantly less candy.
What we can learn from this is: we must be kind to ourselves. Allowing ourselves, consciously and mindfully, “a little treat”, secures its status as being “little”, and “a treat”. Then we smile, thinking “yes, that was a nice little thing to do for myself”, and proceed with our day.
This kind of self-compassion helps avoid the “meta-binge” process, where guilt from one thing leads to immediately reaching for another.
For more on this, plus a link to the study she mentioned, enjoy:
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You might also like to read:
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Don’t Forget…
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