What Happened to You? – by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

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The very title “What Happened To You?” starts with an assumption that the reader has suffered trauma. This is not just a sample bias of “a person who picks up a book about healing from trauma has probably suffered trauma”, but is also a statistically safe assumption. Around 60% of adults report having suffered some kind of serious trauma.

The authors examine, as the subtitle suggests, these matters in three parts:

  1. Trauma
  2. Resilience
  3. Healing

Trauma can take many forms; sometimes it is a very obvious dramatic traumatic event; sometimes less so. Sometimes it can be a mountain of small things that eroded our strength leaving us broken. But what then, of resilience?

Resilience (in psychology, anyway) is not imperviousness; it is the ability to suffer and recover from things.

Healing is the tail-end part of that. When we have undergone trauma, displayed whatever amount of resilience we could at the time, and now have outgrown our coping strategies and looking to genuinely heal.

The authors present many personal stories and case studies to illustrate different kinds of trauma and resilience, and then go on to outline what we can do to grow from there.

Bottom line: if you or a loved one has suffered trauma, this book may help a lot in understanding and processing that, and finding a way forwards from it.

Click here to check out “What Happened To You?” and give yourself what you deserve.

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  • The Procrastination Cure – by Jeffery Combs

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Why do we procrastinate? It’s not usually because we are lazy, and in fact we can often make ourselves very busy while procrastinating. And at some point, the bad feelings about procrastinating become worse than the experience of actually doing the thing. And still we often procrastinate. So, why?

    Jeffery Combs notes that the reasons can vary, but generally fall into six mostly-distinct categories. He calls them:

    1. The neurotic perfectionist
    2. The big deal chaser
    3. The chronic worrier
    4. The rebellious rebel
    5. The drama addict
    6. The angry giver

    These may overlap somewhat, but the differences are important when it comes to differences of tackling them.

    Giving many illustrative examples, Combs gives the reader all we’ll need to know which category (or categories!) we fall into.

    Then, he draws heavily on the work of Dr. Albert Ellis to find ways to change the feelings that we have that are holding us back.

    Those feelings might be fear, shame, resentment, overwhelm, or something else entirely, but the tools are in this book.

    A particular strength of this book is that it takes an approach that’s essentially Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) repackaged for a less clinically-inclined audience (Combs’ own background is in marketing, not pyschology). Thus, for many readers, this will tend to make the ideas more relatable, and the implementations more accessible.

    Bottom line: if you’ve been meaning to figure out how to beat your procrastination, but have been putting it off, now’s the time to do it.

    Click here to check out The Procrastination Cure sooner rather than later!

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  • The Worst Way to Wake Up (and What to Do Instead)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Not everyone is naturally inclined to be a morning person, but there are things we can do to make things go more easily for our brains!

    Cause for alarm?

    Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, explains the impact of our first moments upon awakening, and what that can do to/for us in terms of sleep inertia (i.e. grogginess).

    Sleep inertia is worse when waking from deep sleep—and notably, we don’t naturally wake directly from deep sleep unless we are externally aroused (e.g. by an alarm clock).

    Dr. Marks suggests the use of more gradual alarms, including those with soft melodies, perhaps birdsong or other similarly gentle things (artificial sunlight alarms are also good), to ease our transition from sleeping to waking. It might take us a few minutes longer to be woken from sleep, but we’re not going to spend the next hour in a bleary-eyed stupor.

    For more details on these things and more (including why not to hit “snooze”), enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Take care!

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  • Make Overnight Oats Shorter Or Longer For Different Benefits!

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    ❝How long do I have to soak oats for to get the benefits of “overnight oats”?❞

    The primary benefit of overnight oats (over cooked oats) is that they are soft enough to eat without having been cooked (as cooking increases their glycemic index).

    So, if it’s soft, it’s good to eat. A few hours should be sufficient.

    Bonus information

    If, by the way, you happen to leave oats and milk (be it animal or plant milk) sealed in a jar at room temperature for a 2–3 days (less if your “room temperature” is warmer than average), it will start to ferment.

    • Good news: fermentation can bring extra health benefits!
    • Bad news: you’re on your own if something pathogenic is present

    For more on this, you might like to read:

    Fermenting Everything: How to Make Your Own Cultured Butter, Fermented Fish, Perfect Kimchi, and Beyond

    Enjoy!

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  • Terminal lucidity: why do loved ones with dementia sometimes ‘come back’ before death?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Dementia is often described as “the long goodbye”. Although the person is still alive, dementia slowly and irreversibly chips away at their memories and the qualities that make someone “them”.

    Dementia eventually takes away the person’s ability to communicate, eat and drink on their own, understand where they are, and recognise family members.

    Since as early as the 19th century, stories from loved ones, caregivers and health-care workers have described some people with dementia suddenly becoming lucid. They have described the person engaging in meaningful conversation, sharing memories that were assumed to have been lost, making jokes, and even requesting meals.

    It is estimated 43% of people who experience this brief lucidity die within 24 hours, and 84% within a week.

    Why does this happen?

    Terminal lucidity or paradoxical lucidity?

    In 2009, researchers Michael Nahm and Bruce Greyson coined the term “terminal lucidity”, since these lucid episodes often occurred shortly before death.

    But not all lucid episodes indicate death is imminent. One study found many people with advanced dementia will show brief glimmers of their old selves more than six months before death.

    Lucidity has also been reported in other conditions that affect the brain or thinking skills, such as meningitis, schizophrenia, and in people with brain tumours or who have sustained a brain injury.

    Moments of lucidity that do not necessarily indicate death are sometimes called paradoxical lucidity. It is considered paradoxical as it defies the expected course of neurodegenerative diseases such as dementia.

    But it’s important to note these episodes of lucidity are temporary and sadly do not represent a reversal of neurodegenerative disease.

    Man in hospital bed
    Sadly, these episodes of lucidity are only temporary. Pexels/Kampus Production

    Why does terminal lucidity happen?

    Scientists have struggled to explain why terminal lucidity happens. Some episodes of lucidity have been reported to occur in the presence of loved ones. Others have reported that music can sometimes improve lucidity. But many episodes of lucidity do not have a distinct trigger.

    A research team from New York University speculated that changes in brain activity before death may cause terminal lucidity. But this doesn’t fully explain why people suddenly recover abilities that were assumed to be lost.

    Paradoxical and terminal lucidity are also very difficult to study. Not everyone with advanced dementia will experience episodes of lucidity before death. Lucid episodes are also unpredictable and typically occur without a particular trigger.

    And as terminal lucidity can be a joyous time for those who witness the episode, it would be unethical for scientists to use that time to conduct their research. At the time of death, it’s also difficult for scientists to interview caregivers about any lucid moments that may have occurred.

    Explanations for terminal lucidity extend beyond science. These moments of mental clarity may be a way for the dying person to say final goodbyes, gain closure before death, and reconnect with family and friends. Some believe episodes of terminal lucidity are representative of the person connecting with an afterlife.

    Why is it important to know about terminal lucidity?

    People can have a variety of reactions to seeing terminal lucidity in a person with advanced dementia. While some will experience it as being peaceful and bittersweet, others may find it deeply confusing and upsetting. There may also be an urge to modify care plans and request lifesaving measures for the dying person.

    Being aware of terminal lucidity can help loved ones understand it is part of the dying process, acknowledge the person with dementia will not recover, and allow them to make the most of the time they have with the lucid person.

    For those who witness it, terminal lucidity can be a final, precious opportunity to reconnect with the person that existed before dementia took hold and the “long goodbye” began.

    Yen Ying Lim, Associate Professor, Turner Institute for Brain and Mental Health, Monash University and Diny Thomson, PhD (Clinical Neuropsychology) Candidate and Provisional Psychologist, Monash University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Procrastination, and how to pay off the to-do list debt

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    Procrastination, and how pay off the to-do list debt

    Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel overwhelmed by the mountain of things we are supposed to be doing. If you look at your to-do list and it shows 60 overdue items, it’s little wonder if you want to bury your head in the sand!

    “What difference does it make if I do one of these things now; I will still have 59 which feels as bad as having 60”

    So, treat it like you might a financial debt, and make a repayment plan. Now, instead of 60 overdue items today, you have 1/day for the next 60 days, or 2/day for the next 30 days, or 3/day for the next 20 days, etc. Obviously, you may need to work out whether some are greater temporal priorities and if so, bump those to the top of the list. But don’t sweat the minutiae; your list doesn’t have to be perfectly ordered, just broadly have more urgent things to the top and less urgent things to the bottom.

    Note: this repayment plan means having set repayment dates.

    Up front, sit down and assign each item a specific calendar date on which you will do that thing.

    This is not a deadline! It is your schedule. You’ll not try to do it sooner, and you won’t postpone it for later. You will just do that item on that date.

    A productivity app like ToDoist can help with this, but paper is fine too.

    What’s important here, psychologically, is that each day you’re looking not at 60 things and doing the top item; you’re just looking at today’s item (only!) and doing it.

    Debt Reduction/Cancellation

    Much like you might manage a financial debt, you can also look to see if any of your debts could be reduced or cancelled.

    We wrote previously about the “Getting Things Done” system. It’s a very good system if you want to do that; if not, no worries, but you might at least want to borrow this one idea….

    Sort your items into:

    Do / Defer / Delegate / Ditch

    • Do: if it can be done in under 2 minutes, do it now.
    • Defer: defer the item to a specific calendar date (per the repayment plan idea we just talked about)
    • Delegate: could this item be done by someone else? Get it off your plate if you reasonably can.
    • Ditch: sometimes, it’s ok to realize “you know what, this isn’t that important to me anymore” and scratch it from the list.

    As a last resort, consider declaring bankruptcy

    Towards the end of the dot-com boom, there was a fellow who unintentionally got his 5 minutes of viral fame for “declaring email bankruptcy”.

    Basically, he publicly declared that his email backlog had got so far out of hand that he would now not reply to emails from before the declaration.

    He pledged to keep on top of new emails only from that point onwards; a fresh start.

    We can’t comment on whether he then did, but if you need a fresh start, that can be one way to get it!

    In closing…

    Procrastination is not usually a matter of laziness, it’s usually a matter of overwhelm. Hopefully the above approach will help reframe things, and make things more manageable.

    Sometimes procrastination is a matter of perfectionism, and not starting on tasks because we worry we won’t do them well enough, and so we get stuck in a pseudo-preparation rut. If that’s the case, our previous main feature on perfectionism may help:

    Perfectionism, And How To Make Yours Work For You

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  • Staying Alive – by Dr. Jenny Goodman

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    A lot of “healthy long life” books are science-heavy to the point of being quite challenging to read—they become excellent reference sources, but not exactly “curl up in the armchair” books.

    Dr. Goodman writes in a much more reader-friendly fashion, casual yet clear.

    She kicks off with season-specific advice. What does that mean? Basically, our bodies need different things at different times of year, and we face different challenges to good health. We may ignore such at our peril!

    After a chapter for each of the four seasons (assuming a temperate Northern Hemisphere climate), she goes on to cover the seasons of our life. Once again, our bodies need different things at different times in our life, and we again face different challenges to good health!

    There’s plenty of “advice for all seasons”, too. Nutritional dos and don’t, and perennial health hazards to avoid.

    As a caveat, she does also hold some unscientific views that may be skipped over. These range from “plant-based diets aren’t sustainable” to “this detox will get rid of heavy metals”. However, the value contained in the rest of the book is more than sufficient to persuade us to overlook those personal quirks.

    In particular, she offers very good advice on overcoming cravings (and distinguishing them from genuine nutritional cravings), and taking care of our “trillions of tiny companions” (beneficial gut microbiota) without nurturing Candida and other less helpful gut flora and fauna.

    In short, a fine lot of information in a very readable format.

    Order your copy of “Staying Alive” from Amazon today!

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