Your friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Here are 6 things you can do to support them
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Across the world, one in five people are diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. By age 85, almost one in two Australians will be diagnosed with cancer.
When it happens to someone you care about, it can be hard to know what to say or how to help them. But providing the right support to a friend can make all the difference as they face the emotional and physical challenges of a new diagnosis and treatment.
Here are six ways to offer meaningful support to a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer.
1. Recognise and respond to emotions
When facing a cancer diagnosis and treatment, it’s normal to experience a range of emotions including fear, anger, grief and sadness. Your friend’s moods may fluctuate. It is also common for feelings to change over time, for example your friend’s anxiety may decrease, but they may feel more depressed.
Some friends may want to share details while others will prefer privacy. Always ask permission to raise sensitive topics (such as changes in physical appearance or their thoughts regarding fears and anxiety) and don’t make assumptions. It’s OK to tell them you feel awkward, as this acknowledges the challenging situation they are facing.
When they feel comfortable to talk, follow their lead. Your support and willingness to listen without judgement can provide great comfort. You don’t have to have the answers. Simply acknowledging what has been said, providing your full attention and being present for them will be a great help.
2. Understand their diagnosis and treatment
Understanding your friend’s diagnosis and what they’ll go through when being treated may be helpful.
Being informed can reduce your own worry. It may also help you to listen better and reduce the amount of explaining your friend has to do, especially when they’re tired or overwhelmed.
Explore reputable sources such as the Cancer Council website for accurate information, so you can have meaningful conversations. But keep in mind your friend has a trusted medical team to offer personalised and accurate advice.
3. Check in regularly
Cancer treatment can be isolating, so regular check-ins, texts, calls or visits can help your friend feel less alone.
Having a normal conversation and sharing a joke can be very welcome. But everyone copes with cancer differently. Be patient and flexible in your support – some days will be harder for them than others.
Remembering key dates – such as the next round of chemotherapy – can help your friend feel supported. Celebrating milestones, including the end of treatment or anniversary dates, may boost morale and remind your friend of positive moments in their cancer journey.
Always ask if it’s a good time to visit, as your friend’s immune system may be compromised by their cancer or treatments such as chemotherapy or radiotherapy. If you’re feeling unwell, it’s best to postpone visits – but they may still appreciate a call or text.
4. Offer practical support
Sometimes the best way to show your care is through practical support. There may be different ways to offer help, and what your friend needs might change at the beginning, during and after treatment.
For example, you could offer to pick up prescriptions, drive them to appointments so they have transport and company to debrief, or wait with them at appointments.
Meals will always be welcome. However it’s important to remember cancer and its treatments may affect taste, smell and appetite, as well as your friend’s ability to eat enough or absorb nutrients. You may want to check first if there are particular foods they like. Good nutrition can help boost their strength while dealing with the side effects of treatment.
There may also be family responsibilities you can help with, for example, babysitting kids, grocery shopping or taking care of pets.
5. Explore supports together
Studies have shown mindfulness practices can be an effective way for people to manage anxiety associated with a cancer diagnosis and its treatment.
If this is something your friend is interested in, it may be enjoyable to explore classes (either online or in-person) together.
You may also be able to help your friend connect with organisations that provide emotional and practical help, such as the Cancer Council’s support line, which offers free, confidential information and support for anyone affected by cancer, including family, friends and carers.
Peer support groups can also reduce your friend’s feelings of isolation and foster shared understanding and empathy with people who’ve gone through a similar experience. GPs can help with referrals to support programs.
6. Stick with them
Be committed. Many people feel isolated after their treatment. This may be because regular appointments have reduced or stopped – which can feel like losing a safety net – or because their relationships with others have changed.
Your friend may also experience emotions such as worry, lack of confidence and uncertainty as they adjust to a new way of living after their treatment has ended. This will be an important time to support your friend.
But don’t forget: looking after yourself is important too. Making sure you eat well, sleep, exercise and have emotional support will help steady you through what may be a challenging time for you, as well as the friend you love.
Our research team is developing new programs and resources to support carers of people who live with cancer. While it can be a challenging experience, it can also be immensely rewarding, and your small acts of kindness can make a big difference.
Stephanie Cowdery, Research Fellow, Carer Hub: A Centre of Excellence in Cancer Carer Research, Translation and Impact, Deakin University; Anna Ugalde, Associate Professor & Victorian Cancer Agency Fellow, Deakin University; Trish Livingston, Distinguished Professor & Director of Special Projects, Faculty of Health, Deakin University, and Victoria White, Professor of Pyscho-Oncology, School of Psychology, Deakin University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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When the Body Says No – by Dr. Gabor Maté
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We know that chronic stress is bad for us because of what it does to our cortisol levels, so what is the rest of this book about?
Dr. Gabor Maté is a medical doctor, heavily specialized in the impact of psychological trauma on long term physical health.
Here, he examies—as the subtitle promises—the connection between stress and disease. As it turns out, it’s not that simple.
We learn not just about the impact that stress has on our immune system (including increasing the risk of autoimmune disorders like rheumatoid arthritis), the cardiovascular system, and various other critical systems fo the body… But also:
- how environmental factors and destructive coping styles contribute to the onset of disease, and
- how traumatic events can warp people’s physical perception of pain
- how certain illnesses are associated with particular personality types.
This latter is not “astrology for doctors”, by the way. It has more to do with what coping strategies people are likely to employ, and thus what diseases become more likely to take hold.
The book has practical advice too, and it’s not just “reduce your stress”. Ideally, of course, indeed reduce your stress. But that’s a) obvious b) not always possible. Rather, Dr. Maté explains which coping strategies result in the least prevalence of disease.
In terms of writing style, the book is very much easy-reading, but be warned that (ironically) this isn’t exactly a feel-good book. There are lot of tragic stories in it. But, even those are very much well-worth reading.
Bottom line: if you (and/or a loved one) are suffering from stress, this book will give you the knowledge and understanding to minimize the harm that it will otherwise do.
Click here to check out When The Body Says No, and take good care of yourself; you’re important!
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The Distracted Mind – by Dr. Adam Gazzaley and Dr. Larry Rosen
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Yes, yes, we know, unplug once in a while. But what else do this highly-qualified pair of neuroscientists have to offer?
Rather than being a book for the sake of being a book, with lots of fluff and the usual advice about single-tasking, the authors start with a reframe:
Neurologically speaking, the hit of dopamine we get when looking for information is the exact same as the hit of dopamine that we, a couple of hundred thousand years ago, got when looking for nuts and berries.
- When we don’t find them, we become stressed, and search more.
- When we do find them, we are encouraged and search more nearby, and to the other side of nearby, and near around, to find more.
But in the case of information (be it useful information or celebrity gossip or anything in between), the Internet means that’s always available now.
So, we jitter around like squirrels, hopping from one to the next to the next.
A strength of this book is where it goes from there. Specifically, what evidence-based practices will actually keep our squirrel-brain focused… and which are wishful thinking for anyone who lives in this century.
Bringing original research from their own labs, as well as studies taken from elsewhere, the authors present a science-based toolkit of genuinely useful resources for actual focus.
Bottom line: if you think you could really optimize your life if you could just get on track and stay on track, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out The Distracted Mind, and get yours to focus!
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Grain Brain – by Dr. David Perlmutter
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If you’re a regular 10almonds reader, you probably know that refined flour, and processed food in general, is not great for the health. So, what does this book offer more?
Dr. Perlmutter sets out the case against (as the subtitle suggests) wheat, carbs, and sugar. Yes, including wholegrain wheat, and including starchy vegetables such as potatoes and parsnips. Fruit does also come under scrutiny, a clear distinction is made between whole fruits and juices. In the latter case, the lack of fiber (along with the more readily absorbable liquid state) allows for those sugars to zip straight into our blood.
The book includes lots of stats and facts, and many study citations, along with infographics and clear explanations.
If the book has a weakness, it’s when it forgets to clarify something that was obvious to the author. For example, when he talks about our ancestors’ diets being 75% fat and 5% carbs, he neglects to mention that this is 75% by calorie count, not by mass or volume. This makes a huge difference! It’s the difference between a fat-guzzling engine, and someone who eats mostly fruit and oily nuts but also some very high-fat meat/organs.
The book’s strengths, on the other hand, are found in its explanation, backed by good science, of what wheat, along with excessive carbohydrates (especially sugar) can do to our body, including (and most focusedly, hence the title) our brain, leading the way to not just obvious metabolic disorders like diabetes, but also inflammatory diseases like Alzheimer’s.
Bottom line: you don’t have to completely revamp your diet if it’s working for you, but data is data, and this book has lots, making it well-worth a read.
Click here to check out Grain Brain, and learn about how to avoid inflaming yours!
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How To Actually Get Abs (10 Annoying Tips That Work!)
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Cori Lefkowitz, of “Strong At Any Age”, advises…
The method
It may not be fun, but here’s what she finds works:
- Be boring: stick to a simple, repetitive diet to track progress easily, and make hitting macros simpler.
- Cut back on protein bars: processed protein bars are calorie-dense but not filling (due to their small volume), so limit them, especially when trying to get lean.
- Stop daily fluctuations: she advises to be precise with macros and calories daily, not just weekly, to see consistent results.
- Focus on fiber: aim for 25–30g of fiber daily to improve gut health, reduce cravings, and maintain health while cutting fat.
- Get 30–40g of protein per meal: ensure each meal has enough protein to fuel muscle growth and support overall body function.
- Prioritize carbs around workouts: eat carbs before and after training to fuel performance, aid muscle repair, and maintain lean mass.
- Take diet breaks: incorporate 1–2 week maintenance phases to prevent metabolic adaptation, maintain muscle, and thus stay consistent in the long-term.
- Be careful with fat burners & preworkout: these can harm sleep, recovery, and long-term fat loss; opt for natural dietary energy sources instead.
- Don’t set-and-forget: regularly assess and adjust your diet and macros as your body and lifestyle change.
- “Suck it up, buttercup”: fat loss requires persistence, discipline, and pushing through tough moments when you feel like quitting.
For more on all of this, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Is A Visible Six-Pack Obtainable Regardless Of Genetic Predisposition?
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How We Age: The Science of Longevity – by Dr. Coleen Murphy
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The author is not a glossy “name brand” and has nothing to sell (besides her book). This shows, because it’s clearly not a book that was rushed out as a marketing ploy. Indeed, she begins with the words:
❝This book took me several years to write and is largely based on information I gathered while teaching my class, “Molecular Mechanisms of Longevity: The Genetics, Genomics, and Cell Biology of Aging,” at Princeton University.❞
~ Dr. Coleen Murphy
Thus, as you may imagine, it’s a thorough book, thoughtful, with conscientious attention to detail. As a reader, you are essentially getting the knowledge of a Princeton genomics class.
She covers what’s going on in our genes, in our cells, and in our bodies, when we age; why some animals don’t, and what things affect that. She talks biomarkers of aging and the industry gold standard “Health-Related Quality of Life” metrics. We learn about insulin signalling and FOXO targets; the role of caloric restriction or intermittent fasting, topics such as molecular homeostasis in the regulation of longevity (hello senolytics and chaperone-mediated autophagy), the microbiome and epigenetics, as well as mitochondrial management, cell replacement (including induced pluripotent stem cells), and even DNA repair. And yes, a lot about cognitive aging and how to slow it too.
The style is academic and/but perfectly readable; she explains everything as we go. We’ll note, though, that it’s not dry academic—her personality comes through throughout, in a good way that makes it a pleasant read as well as an informative one.
Bottom line: if you’d like a much deeper understanding of the mechanics of aging than we have room to get into in our articles at 10almonds, this book is a highly recommendable perfect opportunity.
Click here to check out How We Age, and learn about the science of longevity!
PS: we’ve reviewed a few books about the science of aging/longevity recently, and they’ve each been good, but if you’re going to get only one, we recommend this one, as in this reviewer’s opinion, it’s the best 😎
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Healthy Recipes When There Are A Lot Of Restrictions
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small 😎
❝I need to cook for a family event and the combined dietary restrictions are: vegetarian, no lactose, no gluten, no nuts, including peanuts and coconuts, no discernible carbs, including lentils and chickpeas, no garlic or onions, no cabbage, no soup, and it can’t be remotely spicy. The nut allergy is of course absolute and we are vegetarian, the other things may be slightly negotiable but I’d like a stress-free dinner. Ideas?❞
That is indeed quite restrictive! But a challenge is (almost) always fun.
To answer generally first: one approach is to do buffet-style dining, with many small dishes. While nuts will still need to be absent, because of the nature of nut allergies, the rest can just be skipped on a per-person basis.
But, let’s see what we can do with a one-dish-fits-all approach!
The biggest challenge seems to be getting protein and flavor. Protein options are more limited without meat, lactose, or legumes, and flavor requires some attention without being able to rely on spices.
To give a sample à la carte menu… With these things in mind, we’ve selected three of our recipes from the recipes section of our site, that will require only minor modifications:
1) Invigorating Sabzi Khordan: skip the walnuts and either partition or omit the scallions, and ensure the cheese is lactose-free (most supermarkets stock lactose-free cheeses, nowadays).
With regard to the flatbreads, you can either skip, or use our gluten-free Healthy Homemade Flatbreads recipe, though it does use chickpea flour and quinoa flour, so the “no discernible carbs” person(s) might still want to skip them. If it’s not an issue on the carbs front, then you might also consider, in lieu of one of the more traditional cheeses, using our High-Protein Paneer recipe which, being vegan, is naturally lactose-free. Also, which is not traditional but would work fine, you might want to add cold hard-boiled halved eggs, since the next course will be light on protein:
2) Speedy Easy Ratatouille: skip the red chili and garlic; that’s all for this one!
3) Black Forest Chia Pudding: the glycemic index of this should hopefully be sufficient to placate the “no discernible carbs” person(s), but if it’s not, we probably don’t have a keto-friendlier dessert than this. And obviously, when it comes to the garnish of “a few almonds, and/or berries, and/or cherries and/or cacao nibs”, don’t choose the almonds.
Want to know more?
For any who might be curious:
Gluten: What’s The Truth? ← this also discusses the differences between an allergy/intolerance/sensitivity—it’s more than just a matter of severity!
Take care!
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