What Happened to You? – by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

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The very title “What Happened To You?” starts with an assumption that the reader has suffered trauma. This is not just a sample bias of “a person who picks up a book about healing from trauma has probably suffered trauma”, but is also a statistically safe assumption. Around 60% of adults report having suffered some kind of serious trauma.

The authors examine, as the subtitle suggests, these matters in three parts:

  1. Trauma
  2. Resilience
  3. Healing

Trauma can take many forms; sometimes it is a very obvious dramatic traumatic event; sometimes less so. Sometimes it can be a mountain of small things that eroded our strength leaving us broken. But what then, of resilience?

Resilience (in psychology, anyway) is not imperviousness; it is the ability to suffer and recover from things.

Healing is the tail-end part of that. When we have undergone trauma, displayed whatever amount of resilience we could at the time, and now have outgrown our coping strategies and looking to genuinely heal.

The authors present many personal stories and case studies to illustrate different kinds of trauma and resilience, and then go on to outline what we can do to grow from there.

Bottom line: if you or a loved one has suffered trauma, this book may help a lot in understanding and processing that, and finding a way forwards from it.

Click here to check out “What Happened To You?” and give yourself what you deserve.

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Recommended

  • The Compass of Pleasure – by Dr. David Linden
  • Lacking Motivation? Science Has The Answer
    The Science Of Motivation: How to Use It to Your Advantage. Dopamine plays a crucial role in motivation. Instead of aimlessly scrolling social media, find rewarding activities that align with your goals.

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  • Feeding You Lies – by Vani Hari

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    When it comes to advertising, we know that companies will often be as misleading as they can get away with. But just how misleading is it?

    Vani Hari, of “Food Babe” fame, is here to unravel it all.

    The book covers many areas of food and drink advertising and marketing, and gives particular attention to:

    • Sodas (with and without sugar), and how deleterious they are to the health—as well as not even helping people lose weight, but actively hindering
    • Nutritionally fortified foods, and what we may or may not actually get from them by the time the processing is done
    • Organic food, and what that may or may not mean

    She also covers a lot of what happens outside of supermarkets, way back in universities and corporate boardrooms. In short, who is crossing whose palms with silver for a seal of approval… And what that means for us as consumers.

    A strength of this book that sets it apart from many of its genre, by the way, is that while being deeply critical of certain institutions’ practices, it doesn‘t digress into tinfoil-hat pseudoscientific scaremongering, either. Here at 10almonds we love actual science, so that was good to see too.

    Bottom line: is you’d like to know “can they say that and get away with it if it’s not true?” and make decisions based on the actual nutritional value of things, this is a great book for you.

    Click here to check out “Feeding You Lies” on Amazon and make your shopping healthier!

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  • What’s the difference between shyness and social anxiety?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    What’s the difference? is a new editorial product that explains the similarities and differences between commonly confused health and medical terms, and why they matter.

    The terms “shyness” and “social anxiety” are often used interchangeably because they both involve feeling uncomfortable in social situations.

    However, feeling shy, or having a shy personality, is not the same as experiencing social anxiety (short for “social anxiety disorder”).

    Here are some of the similarities and differences, and what the distinction means.

    pathdoc/Shutterstock

    How are they similar?

    It can be normal to feel nervous or even stressed in new social situations or when interacting with new people. And everyone differs in how comfortable they feel when interacting with others.

    For people who are shy or socially anxious, social situations can be very uncomfortable, stressful or even threatening. There can be a strong desire to avoid these situations.

    People who are shy or socially anxious may respond with “flight” (by withdrawing from the situation or avoiding it entirely), “freeze” (by detaching themselves or feeling disconnected from their body), or “fawn” (by trying to appease or placate others).

    A complex interaction of biological and environmental factors is also thought to influence the development of shyness and social anxiety.

    For example, both shy children and adults with social anxiety have neural circuits that respond strongly to stressful social situations, such as being excluded or left out.

    People who are shy or socially anxious commonly report physical symptoms of stress in certain situations, or even when anticipating them. These include sweating, blushing, trembling, an increased heart rate or hyperventilation.

    How are they different?

    Social anxiety is a diagnosable mental health condition and is an example of an anxiety disorder.

    For people who struggle with social anxiety, social situations – including social interactions, being observed and performing in front of others – trigger intense fear or anxiety about being judged, criticised or rejected.

    To be diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, social anxiety needs to be persistent (lasting more than six months) and have a significant negative impact on important areas of life such as work, school, relationships, and identity or sense of self.

    Many adults with social anxiety report feeling shy, timid and lacking in confidence when they were a child. However, not all shy children go on to develop social anxiety. Also, feeling shy does not necessarily mean a person meets the criteria for social anxiety disorder.

    People vary in how shy or outgoing they are, depending on where they are, who they are with and how comfortable they feel in the situation. This is particularly true for children, who sometimes appear reserved and shy with strangers and peers, and outgoing with known and trusted adults.

    Individual differences in temperament, personality traits, early childhood experiences, family upbringing and environment, and parenting style, can also influence the extent to which people feel shy across social situations.

    Shy child hiding behind tree
    Not all shy children go on to develop social anxiety. 249 Anurak/Shutterstock

    However, people with social anxiety have overwhelming fears about embarrassing themselves or being negatively judged by others; they experience these fears consistently and across multiple social situations.

    The intensity of this fear or anxiety often leads people to avoid situations. If avoiding a situation is not possible, they may engage in safety behaviours, such as looking at their phone, wearing sunglasses or rehearsing conversation topics.

    The effect social anxiety can have on a person’s life can be far-reaching. It may include low self-esteem, breakdown of friendships or romantic relationships, difficulties pursuing and progressing in a career, and dropping out of study.

    The impact this has on a person’s ability to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life, and the distress this causes, differentiates social anxiety from shyness.

    Children can show similar signs or symptoms of social anxiety to adults. But they may also feel upset and teary, irritable, have temper tantrums, cling to their parents, or refuse to speak in certain situations.

    If left untreated, social anxiety can set children and young people up for a future of missed opportunities, so early intervention is key. With professional and parental support, patience and guidance, children can be taught strategies to overcome social anxiety.

    Why does the distinction matter?

    Social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that persists for people who do not receive adequate support or treatment.

    Without treatment, it can lead to difficulties in education and at work, and in developing meaningful relationships.

    Receiving a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder can be validating for some people as it recognises the level of distress and that its impact is more intense than shyness.

    A diagnosis can also be an important first step in accessing appropriate, evidence-based treatment.

    Different people have different support needs. However, clinical practice guidelines recommend cognitive-behavioural therapy (a kind of psychological therapy that teaches people practical coping skills). This is often used with exposure therapy (a kind of psychological therapy that helps people face their fears by breaking them down into a series of step-by-step activities). This combination is effective in-person, online and in brief treatments.

    Man working at home with laptop open on lap
    Treatment is available online as well as in-person. ImYanis/Shutterstock

    For more support or further reading

    Online resources about social anxiety include:

    We thank the Black Dog Institute Lived Experience Advisory Network members for providing feedback and input for this article and our research.

    Kayla Steele, Postdoctoral research fellow and clinical psychologist, UNSW Sydney and Jill Newby, Professor, NHMRC Emerging Leader & Clinical Psychologist, UNSW Sydney

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Daily, Weekly, Monthly: Habits Against Aging

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Dr. Anil Rajani has advice on restoring/retaining youthfulness. Two out of three of the sections are on skincare specifically, which may seem a vanity, but it’s also worth remembering that our skin is a very large and significant organ, and makes a big difference for the rest of our physical health, as well as our mental health. So, it’s worthwhile to look after it:

    The recommendations

    Daily: meditation practice

    Meditation reduces stress, which reduction in turn protects telomere length, slowing the overall aging process in every living cell of the body.

    Weekly: skincare basics

    Dr. Rajani recommends a combination of retinol and glycolic acid. The former to accelerate cell turnover, stimulate collagen production, and reduce wrinkles; the latter, to exfoliate dead cells, allowing the retinol to do its job more effectively.

    We at 10almonds would like to add: wearing sunscreen with SPF50 is a very good thing to do on any day that your phone’s weather app says the UV index is “moderate” or higher.

    Monthly: skincare extras

    Here are the real luxuries; spa visits, microneedling (stimulates collagen production), and non-ablative laser therapy. He recommends creating a home spa if possible for monthly skincare treatments, investing in high-quality devices for long-term benefits.

    For more on all of these things, enjoy:

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    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • The Compass of Pleasure – by Dr. David Linden
  • What Happens To Your Body When You Stop Drinking Alcohol

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Immediately after we stop drinking is rarely when we feel our best. But how long is it before we can expect to see benefits, instead of just suffering?

    Timeline

    After stopping drinking alcohol for…

    • Seconds: the liver starts making progress filtering out toxins and sugars; ethanol starts to leave the system
    • 1 hour: fatigue sets in as the body uses a lot of energy to metabolize and eliminate alcohol. However, sleep quality (if one goes to sleep now) is low because alcohol disrupts the brain patterns required for restful sleep
    • 6–12 hours: the immune system starts recovering from the suppression caused by alcohol
    • 24 hours: immune system is back to normal; withdrawal symptoms may occur in the case of heavy drinkers
    • 3–5 days: resting blood pressure begins to drop, as stress levels decrease (alcohol may seem anxiolytic, but it is actually anxiogenic; it just masks its own effect in this regard). Also, because of insulin responses improving, appetite reduces. The liver, once it has finished dealing your last drinking session (if you used to drink all the time, it probably had a backlog to clear), can now begin to make repairs on itself.
    • 1 week: skin will start looking better, as antidiuretic hormone levels neutralize, leading to a healthier maintenance of hydration
    • 2 weeks: cognitive abilities improve as the brain begins to make progress in repairing itself. At the same time, kidneys start to heal.
    • 3–4 weeks: the liver begins to regenerate in earnest. You may wonder what took it so long given the liver’s famous regenerative abilities, but in this case, the liver was also the organ that took the most damage from drinking, so its regeneration gets off to a slow start (in contrast, if the liver had “merely” suffered physical trauma, such as being shot, stabbed, or eaten by eagles, it’d start regenerating vigorously as soon as the immediate wound-response had been tended to). Once it is able to pick up the pace though, overall health improves, as the liver can focus on breaking down other toxins.
    • 1–2 months: the heart is able to repair itself, and start to become stronger again (dependent on other lifestyle factors, of course).
    • 3 months and more: bodily repairs continue (for example, the damage to the liver is often so severe that it can take quite a bit longer to recover completely, and repairs in the brain are always slow, for reasons beyond the scope of this article). Looking at the big picture, at this point we also see other benefits, such as reduced cancer risks.

    In short… It’s never too soon to stop, but it’s also never too late, unless you are going to die in the next few days. So long as you’ll be in the land of the living for a few days yet, there’s time to enjoy the benefits of stopping.

    Most importantly: the timeline for the most important repairs is not as long as many people might think, and that itself can be very motivating.

    For more detail on much of the above, enjoy:

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    You might also like to read:

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  • How To Heal Psoriasis Naturally

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Nutritionist Julia Davies explains the gut-skin connection (& how to use it to your advantage) in this video:

    Inside out

    Psoriasis is a chronic autoimmune skin condition, in which the skin renewal process accelerates from 28 days (normal) to 3–5 days, leading to red, scaly patches. It most commonly affects the outer joints (especially elbows & knees) but can appear anywhere, including the scalp and torso.

    Autoimmune diseases are often linked to gut barrier integrity issues, as leaky gut syndrome allows toxins/food particles to penetrate the gut lining, triggering an immune response, which means inflammation.

    Standard treatments often include topical or systemic immunosuppressants, such as steroids. Such medications suppress the immune response (and thus the symptoms) but they don’t address root causes.

    What to do about it, from the root

    As you might imagine, part of the key is a non-inflammatory (or ideally, anti-inflammatory) diet. This means starting by removing likely triggers; gluten sensitivity is common so that’s near the top of the list.

    At the very top of the list though is sugar*, which is not only pro-inflammatory but also feeds candida in the gut, which is a major driver of leaky gut, as the fungus puts its roots through your intestines (that’s as bad as it sounds).

    *as usual, sugar that comes with adequate fiber, such as whole fruit, is fine. Fruit juice, however, is not.

    It is likely to see early improvements within 6 weeks, and significant improvement (such as being mostly symptom-free) can take 6–8 months, so don’t give up if it’s day 3 and you’re not cured yet. This is a marathon not a sprint, and you’ll need to maintain things or the psoriasis may return.

    In the meantime, it is recommended to do all you reasonably can to help your gut to repair itself, which means a good amount of fiber, and occasional probiotics. Also, focusing on whole, nutrient-dense foods will of course reduce inflammation and improve energy—which can be a big deal, as psoriasis is often associated with fatigue, both because inflammation itself is exhausting (the body is very active, on a cellular level), and because a poor diet is not invigorating.

    Outside of diet, stress is often a trigger for flare-ups, so try to manage that too, of course.

    For more on all of this, enjoy:

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    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Of Brains & Breakouts: The Brain-Skin Doctor

    Take care!

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  • Mouthwatering Protein Falafel

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Baking falafel, rather than frying it, has a strength and a weakness. The strength: it is less effort and you can do more at once. The weakness: it can easily get dry. This recipe calls for baking them in a way that won’t get dry, and the secret is one of its protein ingredients: peas! Add to this the spices and a tahini sauce, and you’ve a mouthwatering feast that’s full of protein, fiber, polyphenols, and even healthy fats.

    You will need

    • 1 cup peas, cooked
    • 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed (keep the chickpea water—also called aquafaba—aside, as we’ll be using some of it later)
    • ½ small red onion, chopped
    • 1 handful fresh mint, chopped
    • 1 tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
    • ½ bulb garlic, crushed
    • 1 tbsp lemon juice
    • 1 tbsp chickpea flour (also called gram flour, besan flour, or garbanzo bean flour) plus more for dusting
    • 2 tsp red chili flakes (adjust per heat preferences)
    • 2 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
    • 1 tsp ground turmeric
    • ½ tsp MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
    • Extra virgin olive oil

    For the tahini sauce:

    • 2 tbsp tahini
    • 2 tbsp lemon juice
    • ¼ bulb garlic, crushed
    • 5 tbsp aquafaba (if for some reason you don’t have it, such as for example you substituted 1 cup chickpeas that you cooked yourself, substitute with water here)

    To serve:

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Preheat the oven to 350℉ / 180℃.

    2) Blend the peas and chickpeas in a food processor for a few seconds. You want a coarse mixture, not a paste.

    3) Add the rest of the main section ingredients except the olive oil, and blend again for a few more seconds. It should still have a chunky texture, or else you will have made hummus. If you accidentally make hummus, set your hummus aside and start again on the falafels.

    4) Shape the mixture into balls; if it lacks structural integrity, fold in a little more chickpea flour until the balls stay in shape. Either way, once you have done that, dust the balls in chickpea flour.

    5) Brush the balls in a little olive oil, as you put them on a baking tray lined with baking paper. Bake for 15–18 minutes until golden, turning partway through.

    6) While you are waiting, making the tahini sauce by combining the tahini sauce ingredients in a high-speed blender and processing on high until smooth. If you do not have a small enough blender (a bullet-style blender should work for this), then do it manually, which means you’ll have to crush the garlic all the way into a smooth paste, such as with a pestle and mortar, or alternatively, use ready-made garlic paste—and then simply whisk the ingredients together until smooth.

    7) Serve the falafels warm or cold, on flatbreads with leafy salad and the tahini sauce.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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