Scattered Minds – by Dr. Gabor Maté
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This was not the first book that Dr. Maté sat down to write, by far. But it was the first that he actually completed. Guess why.
Writing from a position of both personal and professional experience and understanding, Dr. Maté explores the inaptly-named Attention Deficit Disorder (if anything, there’s often a surplus of attention, just, to anything and everything rather than necessarily what would be most productive in the moment), its etiology, its presentation, and its management.
This is a more enjoyable book than some others by the same author, as while this condition certainly isn’t without its share of woes (often, for example, a cycle of frustration and shame re “why can’t I just do the things; this is ruining my life and it would be so easy if I could just do the things!”), it’s not nearly so bleak as entire books about trauma, addiction, and so forth (worthy as those books also are).
Dr. Maté frames it specifically as a development disorder, and one whereby with work, we can do the development later that (story of an ADHDer’s life) we should have done earlier but didn’t. In terms of practical advice, he includes a program for effecting this change, including as an adult.
The style is easy-reading, in small chapters, with ADHD’d-up readers in mind, giving a strong sense of speeding pleasantly through the book.
Bottom line: when it’s a book by Dr. Gabor Maté, you know it’s going to be good, and this is no exception. Certainly read it if you, anyone you care about, or even anyone you just spend a lot of time around, has ADHD or similar.
Click here to check out Scattered Minds, and unscatter yours!
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If Your Adult Kid Calls In Crisis…
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Parent(s) To The Rescue?
We’ve written before about the very common (yes, really, it is common) phenomenon of estrangement between parents and adult children:
Family Estrangement & How To Fix It
We’ve also written about the juggling act that can be…
Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life
…which includes dealing with such situations as supporting each other through difficult times, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.
But what about when one’s [adult] child is in crisis?
When a parent’s job never ends
Hopefully, we have not been estranged (or worse, bereaved) by our children.
In which case, when crisis hits, we are likely to be amongst the first to whom our children will reach out for support. Naturally, we will want to help. But how can we do that, and where (if applicable) to draw the line?
No “helicopter parenting”
If you’ve not heard the term “helicopter parenting”, it refers to the sort of parents who hover around, waiting to swoop in at a moment’s notice.
This is most often applied to parents of kids of university age and downwards, but it’s worth keeping it in mind at any age.
After all, we do want our kids to be able to solve their own problems if possible!
So, if you’ve ever advised your kid to “take a deep breath and count to 10” (or even if you haven’t), then, consider doing that too, and then…
Listen first!
If your first reaction isn’t to join them in panic, it might be to groan and “oh not again”. But for now, quietly shelve that, and listen to whatever it is.
See also: Active Listening (Without Sounding Like A Furby)
And certainly, do your best to maintain your own calm while listening. Your kid is in all likelihood looking to you to be the rock in the storm, so let’s be that.
Empower them, if you can
Maybe they just needed to vent. If so, the above will probably cover it.
More likely, they need help.
Perhaps they need guidance, from your greater life experience. Sometimes things that can seem like overwhelming challenges to one person, are a thing we dealt with 20 or more years ago (it probably felt overwhelming to us at the time, too, but here we are, the other side of it).
Tip: ask “are you looking for my guidance/advice/etc?” before offering it. Doing so will make it much more likely to be accepted rather than rejected as unsolicited advice.
Chances are, they will take the life-ring offered.
It could be that that’s not what they had in mind, and they’re looking for material support. If so…
When it’s about money or similar
Tip: it’s worth thinking about this sort of thing in advance (now is great, if you have adult kids), and ask yourself nowwhat you’d be prepared to give in that regard, e.g:
- if they need money, how much (if any) are you willing and able to provide?
- if they want/need to come stay with you, how prepared are you for that (including: if they want/need to actually move back in with you for a while, which is increasingly common these days)?
Having these answers in your head ready will make the conversation a lot less difficult in the moment, and will avoid you giving a knee-jerk response you might regret (in either direction).
Have a counteroffer up your sleeve if necessary
Maybe:
- you can’t solve their life problem for them, but you can help them find a therapist (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their money problem for them, but you can help them find a free debt advice service (if applicable, for example)
- you can’t solve their residence problem for them, but you can help them find a service that can help with that (if applicable, for example)
You don’t need to brainstorm now for every option; you’re a parent, not Batman. But it’s a lot easier to think through such hypothetical thought-experiments now, than it will be with your fraught kid on the phone later.
Magic words to remember: “Let’s find a way through this for you”
Don’t forget to look after yourself
Many of us, as parents, will tend to not think twice before sacrificing something for our kid(s). That’s generally laudable, but we must avoid accidentally becoming “the giving tree” who has nothing left for ourself, and that includes our mental energy and our personal peace.
That doesn’t mean that when our kid comes in crisis we say “Shh, stop disturbing my personal peace”, but it does mean that we remember to keep at least some boundaries (also figure out now what they are, too!), and to take care of ourselves too.
The following article was written with a slightly different scenario in mind, but the advice remains just as valid here:
How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)
Take care!
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Let’s Get Letting Go (Of These Three Things)
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Let It Go…
This is Dr. Mitika Kanabar. She’s triple board-certified in addiction medicine, lifestyle medicine, and family medicine.
What does she want us to know?
Let go of what’s not good for you
Take a moment to release any tension you were holding, perhaps in your shoulders or jaw.
Now release the breath you might have been holding while doing that.
Dr. Kanabar is a keen yoga practitioner, and recommends it for alleviating stress, as well as its more general somatic benefits. And yes, stress is in large part somatic too!
One method she recommends for de-stressing quickly is to imagine holding a pin-wheel (the kind that whirls around when blown), and imagine slowly blowing it. The slowness of the exhalation here not only means we exhale more (shallow breathing starts with the out-breath!), but also gives us time to focus on the present moment.
Having done that, she recommends to ask yourself:
- What can you change right now?
- What about next time?
- How can you do better?
And then the much more relaxing questions:
- What can you not change?
- What can you let go?
- Whom can you ask for help?
Why did we ask the first questions first? It’s a lot like a psychological version of the physical process of progressive relaxation, involving first a deliberate tensing up, and then a greater relaxation:
How To Deal With The Body’s “Wrong” Stress Response
The diet that’s not good for you
Dr. Kanabar also recommends letting go of the diet that’s not good for you, too. In particular, she recommends dropping alcohol, sugar, and animal products.
Note: from a purely health perspective, general scientific consensus is that fermented dairy products are healthy in small amounts, as are well-sourced fish and poultry in moderation, assuming they’re not ultraprocessed or fried. However, we’re reporting Dr. Kanabar’s advice as it is.
Dr. Kanabar recommends either doing a 21-day challenge of abstention (and likely finding after 21 days that, in fact, you’re fine without), or taking a slow-and-gentle approach.
Some things will be easier one way or the other, and in particular if you drink heavily or use some other substance that gives withdrawal symptoms if withdrawn, the slow-and-gentle approach will be best:
Which Addiction-Quitting Methods Work Best?
If it’s sugar you’re quitting, you might like to check out:
Food Addictions: When It’s More Than “Just” Cravings
If it’s meat, though (in particular, quitting red meat is a big win for your health), the following can help:
The Whys and Hows of Cutting Meats Out Of Your Diet
Want more from Dr. Kanabar?
There’s one more thing she advises to let go of, and that’s excessive use of technology (the kind with screens) in the evening, and not just because of the blue light thing.
With full appreciation of the irony of a one-hour video about too much screentime:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically
Enjoy!
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Mediterranean Air Fryer Cookbook – by Naomi Lane
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There are Mediterranean Diet cookbooks, and there are air fryer cookbooks. And then there are (a surprisingly large intersection of!) Mediterranean Diet air fryer cookbooks. We wanted to feature one of them in today’s newsletter… And as part of the selection process, looked through quite a stack of them, and honestly, were quite disappointed with many. This one, however, was one of the ones that stood out for its quality of both content and clarity, and after a more thorough reading, we now present it to you:
Naomi Lane is a professional dietician, chef, recipe developer, and food writer… And it shows, on all counts.
She covers what the Mediterranean diet is, and she covers far more than this reviewer knew it was even possible to know about the use of an air fryer. That alone would make the book a worthy purchase already.
The bulk of the book is the promised 200 recipes. They cover assorted dietary requirements (gluten-free, dairy-free, etc) while keeping to the Mediterranean Diet.
The recipes are super clear, just what you need to know, no reading through a nostalgic storytime first to find things. Also no pictures, which will be a plus for some readers and a minus for others. The recipes also come complete with nutritional information for each meal (including sodium), so you don’t have to do your own calculations!
Bottom line: this is the Mediterranean Diet air fryer cook book. Get it, thank us later!
Get your copy of “Mediterranean Air Fryer Cookbook” on Amazon today!
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Can You Repair Your Own Teeth At Home?
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small 😎
❝I liked your article on tooth remineralization, I saw a “home tooth repair kit”, and wondered if it is as good as what dentists do, or at least will do the job well enough to save a dentist visit?❞
Firstly, for any wondering about the tooth remineralization, here you go:
Tooth Remineralization: How To Heal Your Teeth Naturally
Now, to answer your question, we presume you are talking about something like this kit available on Amazon. In which case, some things to bear in mind:
- This kind of thing is generally intended as a stop-gap measure until you see a dentist, because you cracked your tooth or lost a filling or something today, and will see the dentist next week, say.
- This kind of thing is not what Dr. Michelle Jorgensen was talking about in another video* that we wrote about; rather, it is using a polymer filler to rebuild what is missing. The key difference is: this is using plastic, which is not what your teeth are made of, so it will never “take” as part of the tooth, as some biomimetic dentistry options can do.
- Yes, this does also mean you are putting microplastics (because the powder is usually micronized polymer beads with zinc oxide, to which you add a liquid to create a paste that will set) in your mouth and quite possibly right next to an open blood supply depending on what’s damaged and whether capillaries were reaching it.
- Because of the different material and application method, the adhesion is nothing like professional fillings (be they metal or resin), and thus the chances of it coming out again or so high that it’s more a question of when, rather than if.
- If you have damage under there (as we presume you do in any scenario where you are using this), then if it’s not professionally cleaned before the filling goes in, then it can get infected, and (less dramatically, but still importantly) any extant decay can also get worse. We say “professionally”, because you will not be able to do an adequate job with your toothbrush, floss, etc at home, and even if you got dentist’s tools (which you can buy, by the way, but we don’t recommend), you will no more be able to do the same quality job as a dentist who has done that many times a day every day for the past 20 years, as buying expensive paintbrushes would make you able to restore a Renaissance painting without messing it up.
*See: Dangers Of Root Canals And Crowns, & What To Do Instead ← what she recommends instead is biomimetic dentistry, which is also more prosaically called “conservative restorative dentistry”, i.e. it tries to conserve as much as possible, replace lost material on a like-for-like basis, and generally end up with a result that’s as close to natural as possible.
In other words, the short answer to your question is “no, sorry, it isn’t and it won’t”
However! A just like it’s good to have a first aid kit in the house even if it won’t do the same job as an ambulance crew, it can be good to have a tooth repair kit (essentially, a tooth first-aid kit) in the house, precisely to use it just as a stop-gap measure in the event that you one day crack a tooth or lose a filling or such, and don’t want to leave it open to all things in the meantime.
(The results of this sort of kit are so not long-term in nature that it will be quick and easy for your dentist to remove it to do their own job once you get there)
If in doubt, always see your dentist as soon as possible, as many things are a lot less work to treat now, than to treat later. Just, make sure to advocate for yourself and what you actually want/need, and don’t let them upsell you on something you didn’t come in for while you’re sitting in their chair—that’s a conversation to be had in advance with a clear head and no pressure (and nobody’s hands in your mouth)!
See also: Dentists Are Pulling ‘Healthy’ and Treatable Teeth To Profit From Implants, Experts Warn
Take care!
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Sesame & Peanut Tofu
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Yesterday we learned how to elevate tofu from “nutrition” to “nutritious tasty snack” with our Basic Baked Tofu recipe; today we’re expanding on that, to take it from “nutritious tasty snack” to “very respectable meal”.
You will need
For the tofu:
- The Basic Baked Tofu that we made yesterday (consider making this to be “step zero” of today’s recipe if you don’t already have a portion in the fridge)
For the sauce:
- ⅓ cup peanut butter, ideally with no added sugar or salt (if allergic to peanuts specifically, use almond butter; if allergic to nuts generally, use tahini)
- ¼ bulb garlic, grated or crushed
- 1 tbsp tamarind paste
- 1½ tbsp tamari sauce (or low-sodium soy sauce, if a substitution is necessary)
- 1 tbsp sambal oelek (or sriracha sauce, if a substitution is necessary)
- 1 tsp ground coriander
- 1 tsp ground black pepper
- ½ tsp ground sweet cinnamon
- ½ tsp MSG (or else omit; do not substitute with salt in this case unless you have a particular craving)
- zest of 1 lime
For the vegetables:
- 14 oz broccolini / tenderstem broccoli, thick ends trimmed (failing that, any broccoli)
- 6 oz shelled edamame
- 1½ tsp toasted sesame oil
For serving:
- 4 cups cooked rice (we recommend our Tasty Versatile Rice recipe)
- ½ cup raw cashews, soaked in hot water for at least 5 minutes and then drained (if allergic, substitute cooked chickpeas, rinsed and drained)
- 1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
- 1 handful chopped cilantro, unless you have the “this tastes like soap” gene, in which case substitute chopped parsley
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Combine the sauce ingredients in a bowl and whisk well (or use a blender if you have one that’s comfortable with this relatively small quantity of ingredients). Taste it, and adjust the ingredient ratios if you’d like more saltiness, sweetness, sourness, spiciness, umami.
2) Prepare a bowl with cold water and some ice. Steam the broccolini and edamame for about 3 minutes; as soon as they become tender, dump them into the ice bathe to halt the cooking process. Let them chill for a few minutes, then drain, dry, and toss in the sesame oil.
3) Reheat the tofu if necessary (an air fryer is great for this), and then combine with half of the sauce in a bowl, tossing gently to coat well.
4) Add a little extra water to the remaining sauce, enough to make it pourable, whisking to an even consistency.
5) Assemble; do it per your preference, but we recommend the order: rice, vegetables, tofu, cashews, sauce, sesame seeds, herbs.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Tofu vs Seitan – Which is Healthier?
- Plant vs Animal Protein: Head to Head
- Sweet Cinnamon vs Regular Cinnamon – Which is Healthier?
- Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits?
Take care!
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The Biological Mind – by Dr. Alan Jasanoff
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How special is our brain? According to Dr. Alan Jasanoff, it’s not nearly as special as we think it is.
In this work, he outlines the case for how we have collectively overstated the brain’s importance. That it’s just another organ like a heart or a kidney, and that who we are is as much a matter of other factors, as what goes on in our brain.
In this reviewer’s opinion, he overcorrects a bit. The heart and kidneys are very simple organs, as organs go. The brain is not. And while everything from our gut microbiota to our environment to our hormones may indeed contribute to what is us, our brain is one thing that can’t just be swapped out.
Nevertheless, this very well-written book can teach us a lot about everything else that makes us us, including many biological factors that many people don’t know about or consider.
Towards the end of the book, he switches into futurist speculation, and his speculation can be summed up as “we cannot achieve anything worthwhile in the future”.
Bottom line: if you’ve an interest in such things as how transplanting glial cells can give a 30% cognitive enhancement, and how a brain transplant wouldn’t result in the same us in a different body, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out The Biological Mind, and learn about yours!
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