Parenting a perfectionist? Here’s how you can respond

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Some children show signs of perfectionism from early on. Young children might become frustrated and rip up their drawing if it’s not quite right. Older children might avoid or refuse to do homework because they’re afraid to make a mistake.

Perfectionism can lead to children feeling overwhelmed, angry and frustrated, or sad and withdrawn.

And yet perfectionism isn’t considered all bad in our society. Being called a “perfectionist” can be a compliment – code for being a great worker or student, someone who strives to do their best and makes sure all jobs are done well.

These seemingly polarised views reflect the complex nature of perfectionism.

Annie Spratt/Unsplash

What is perfectionism?

Researchers often separate perfectionism into two parts:

  1. perfectionistic strivings: being determined to meet goals and achieve highly
  2. perfectionistic concerns: worry about being able to meet high standards, and self-criticism about performance.

While perfectionistic strivings can be positive and lead to high achievement, perfectionistic concerns can lead to a higher chance of children developing eating disorders or anxiety and depression, and having lower academic achievement.

Children doing maths homework
Perfectionistic concerns can result in lower academic achievement. Jessica Lewis/Unsplash

Children and adolescents may experience perfectionism in relation to school work, sport, performance in art or music, or in relation to their own body.

Signs of perfectionistic concerns in children and adolescents may include:

A range of genetic, biological and environmental factors influence perfectionism in children. And as a parent, our role is important. While research evidence suggests we can’t successfully increase positive perfectionistic strivings in our children, harsh or controlling parenting can increase negative perfectionistic concerns in children.

Parents who are perfectionistic themselves can also model this to their children.

So, how can we walk the line between supporting our child’s interests and helping them to achieve their potential, without pressuring them and increasing the risk of negative outcomes?

Give them space to grow

A great metaphor is the gardener versus the carpenter described by psychology professor Alison Gopnik.

Instead of trying to build and shape our children by controlling them and their environment (like a carpenter), parents can embrace the spirit of the gardener – providing lots of space for children to grow in their own direction, and nourishing them with love, respect and trust.

Girl runs up a hill in winter
Parents don’t need to control their child and their environment. Noah Silliman/Unsplash

We can’t control who they become, so it’s better to sit back, enjoy the ride, and look forward to watching the person they grow into.

However, there is still plenty we can do as parents if our child is showing signs of perfectionism. We can role model to our children how to set realistic goals and be flexible when things change or go wrong, help our children manage stress and negative emotions, and create healthy balance in our family daily routine.

Set realistic goals

People with perfectionistic tendencies will often set unattainable goals. We can support the development of flexibility and realistic goal setting by asking curious questions, for example, “what would you need to do to get one small step closer to this goal?” Identifying upper and lower limits for goals is also helpful.

If your child is fixed on a high score at school, for example, set that as the “upper limit” and then support them to identify a “lower limit” they would find acceptable, even if they are less happy with the outcome.

This strategy may take time and practice to widen the gap between the two, but is useful to create flexibility over time.

If a goal is performance-based and the outcome cannot be guaranteed (for example, a sporting competition), encourage your child to set a personal goal they have more control over.

Child rides bike up ramp
Parents can help children set goals they can achieve. liz99/Unsplash

We can also have conversations about perfectionism from early on, and explain that everyone makes mistakes. In fact, it’s great to model this to our children – talking about our own mistakes and feelings, to show them that we ourselves are not perfect.

Talk aloud practices can help children to see that we “walk the walk”. For example, if you burn dinner you could reflect:

I’m disappointed because I put time and effort into that and it didn’t turn out as I expected. But we all make mistakes. I don’t get things right every time.

Manage stress and negative emotions

Some children and adolescents have a natural tendency towards perfectionism. Rather than trying to control their behaviour, we can provide gentle, loving support.

When our child or adolescent becomes frustrated, angry, sad or overwhelmed, we support them best by helping them to name, express and validate all of their emotions.

Parents may fear that acknowledging their child’s negative emotions will make the emotions worse, but the opposite is true.

Creating healthy balance

The building blocks of healthy child development are strong loving family relationships, good nutrition, creative play and plenty of physical activity, sleep and rest.

Perfectionism is associated with rigidity, and thinking that there is only one correct way to succeed. We can instead encourage flexibility and creativity in children.

Children’s brains grow through play. There is strong research evidence showing that creative, child-led play is associated with higher emotion regulation skills, and a range of cognitive skills, including problem-solving, memory, planning, flexibility and decision-making.

Girl runs while playing a game
Play helps children’s brains grow. Mi Pham/Unsplash

Play isn’t just for young children either – there’s evidence that explorative, creative play of any kind also benefits adolescents and adults.

There is also evidence that getting active outdoors in nature can promote children’s coping skills, emotion regulation and cognitive development.

Elizabeth Westrupp, Associate Professor in Psychology, Deakin University; Gabriella King, Associate Research Fellow, Deakin University, and Jade Sheen, Associate Professor, School of Psychology, Deakin University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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    • Valentine’s Day & Your Heart

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      We’re not talking metaphorically; this is about your “beating wet pumpy thing” as a friend of this writer once put it!

      Heart to heart

      A dietician calls for us to take care of our hearts this Valentine’s Day, with ideas such as:

      • Teamwork makes the dream work: support your partner’s health objectives by choosing gifts or activities that align with their goals, such as opting for new running shoes instead of candy if they aim to exercise more.
      • Split up… Dinner: instead of consuming large portions individually, consider sharing a decadent meal to reduce metabolic load while still enjoying the experience together.
      • A moving experience: plan active dates like hiking, dancing, or taking a walk, which promote both bonding and cardiovascular health. And if you can think of other perhaps “vigorous activities” you might enjoy doing together on Valentine’s Day, then that’s great for your heart too!
      • Be aware of mutual health influences: recognize that partners can impact each other’s health behaviors and risks; making healthy choices together can strengthen both the relationship and individual well-being.
      • No date, no problem: if you’re single this Valentine’s Day, consider connecting with friends, of if that’s not for you, perhaps treating yourself to a “self-care day” at home.

      Read in full: Celebrate Valentine’s Day with actual hearts in mind, says dietitian

      Related: Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much!

      Playing the hand you’re dealt

      We can make many choices in life that affect our health one way or the other, but there are some things we can’t control, and that includes a family history of some disease or other. In the case of a family history of heart conditions, all is not lost, and you can still play the odds:

      • Diet: rich in fiber, especially fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, and whole grains. Go easy on sugary, salty, and/or processed foods. Yes, sugary too! Sugary foods can increase blood pressure in the same way that salt does, by forcing the same homeostatic response.
      • Exercise: prioritize movement, as in those “active minutes” that your smartwatch tracks. That famous “150 minutes per week” is great; more is better.
      • Sleep: get up regularly around the same time each morning, preferably early. You should get to the point whereby you wake up shortly before the time your alarm would go off, each morning.
      • Avoid: smoking and alcohol. They are both terrible for heart health.
      • Teamwork: work with healthcare professionals to manage your heart health; a personalized plan is best, and they are there to help.

      Remember, genes predispose; they don’t predetermine:

      Read in full: Expert explains how to improve heart health, even if your family has history of heart conditions

      Related: The Whole Heart Solution: Halt Heart Disease Now With the Best Alternatives and Traditional Medicine

      Not so sweet?

      Chocolate is famously high in antioxidants, but that must be weighed against other factors, if for example you’re eating a product that, when all’s said and done and the ingredients list is read, is mostly sugar.

      That can be avoided, though! If you do like chocolate, we recommend getting dark chocolate with a high percentage of cocoa; 90% is great if you can find it!

      Even so, the saturated fat content means you still might want to make it a moment for intentional “mindful eating” of a square or two, before setting it aside for another day:

      Read in full: Valentine’s Day and chocolate are a perfect match, but is it a healthy relationship?

      Related: 10 “Healthy” Foods That Are Often Worse Than You Think

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    • Pistachios vs Brazil Nuts – Which is Healthier?

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      Our Verdict

      When comparing pistachios to Brazil nuts, we picked the pistachios.

      Why?

      In terms of macros, pistachios have more protein, carbs, and fiber, while Brazil nuts have more fat. The fats are mostly healthy, although it is worth noting that Brazil nuts have not only more total saturated fat, but also more saturated fat proportionally to total fats. All in all, Brazil nuts’ macro balance isn’t bad, but we say pistachios have it better.

      When it comes to vitamins, pistachios have a lot more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B7, B9, and C, while Brazil nuts have more vitamin E. An easy win for pistachios here.

      In the category of minerals, it gets interesting: pistachios have more iron and potassium, while Brazil nuts have more calcium, copper, magnesium, phosphorus, selenium, and zinc. Sounds great, but… About that selenium:

      • A cup of cashews contains 38% of the RDA of selenium. This will go towards helping your hair be luscious and shiny (also important for energy conversion).
      • A cup of Brazil nuts contains 10,456% of the RDA of selenium. This is way past the point of selenium toxicity, and your (luscious, shiny) hair will fall out.

      For this reason, it’s recommended to eat no more than 3–4 Brazil nuts per day.

      We consider that a point against Brazil nuts.

      Adding up the sections gives us an overall win for pistachios. Of course, enjoy Brazil nuts too if you will, but in careful moderation please!

      Want to learn more?

      You might like to read:

      Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts

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    • What Happens To Your Body When You Eat Raw Garlic Everyday

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      Garlic’s benefits are not all in its most talked-about active compound, allicin (some are in other parts of the garlic), but the allicin is certainly very potent. However, allicin breaks down easily, which means that cooking reduces its value greatly, meaning that for health purposes, it is best consumed raw. Pickled garlic cloves are great, by the way, and you should try them if you haven’t already.

      Garlic’s benefits (aside from being delicious)

      Benefits that can be expected include:

      1. Boosts immunity: allicin enhances white blood cell function, helping fight off colds and flu
      2. Supports heart health: lowers blood pressure, reduces cholesterol, and prevents blood clots, reducing the risk of heart disease and stroke
      3. Anti-cancer properties: it contains sulfur compounds that may inhibit cancer cell growth, particularly in the digestive system
      4. Improves digestion: stimulates digestive enzymes and promotes gut health, helping with better nutrient absorption and digestion
      5. Enhances brain function: antioxidants in garlic are neuroprotective, reducing cognitive decline
      6. Good for your skin: its antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties can help improve skin health
      7. Regulates blood sugar levels: helps regulate blood sugar and improves insulin sensitivity
      8. Anti-inflammatory effects: contains compounds that reduce inflammation, helping to combat inflammatory diseases such as arthritis
      9. Supports weight loss: stimulates metabolism, suppresses appetite, and helps break down fats, aiding in weight management
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      The daily dose that this video recommends is 1–2 cloves of garlic or 3600mg of aged garlic extract as a supplement.

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    Related Posts

      • Qigong: A Breath Of Fresh Air?

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        Qigong: Breathing Is Good (Magic Remains Unverified)

        In Tuesday’s newsletter, we asked you for your opinions of qigong, and got the above-depicted, below-described, set of responses:

        • About 55% said “Qigong is just breathing, but breathing exercises are good for the health”
        • About 41% said “Qigong helps regulate our qi and thus imbue us with healthy vitality”
        • One (1) person said “Qigong is a mystical waste of time and any benefits are just placebo”

        The sample size was a little low for this one, but the results were quite clearly favorable, one way or another.

        So what does the science say?

        Qigong is just breathing: True or False?

        True or False, depending on how we want to define it—because qigong ranges in its presentation from indeed “just breathing exercises”, to “breathing exercises with visualization” to “special breathing exercises with visualization that have to be exactly this way, with these hand and sometimes body movements also, which also must be just right”, to far more complex definitions that involve qi by various mystical definitions, and/or an appeal to a scientific analog of qi; often some kind of bioelectrical field or such.

        There is, it must be said, no good quality evidence for the existence of qi.

        Writer’s note, lest 41% of you want my head now: I’ve been practicing qigong and related arts for about 30 years and find such to be of great merit. This personal experience and understanding does not, however, change the state of affairs when it comes to the availability (or rather, the lack) of high quality clinical evidence to point to.

        Which is not to say there is no clinical evidence, for example:

        Acute Physiological and Psychological Effects of Qigong Exercise in Older Practitioners

        …found that qigong indeed increased meridian electrical conductance!

        Except… Electrical conductance is measured with galvanic skin responses, which increase with sweat. But don’t worry, to control for that, they asked participants to dry themselves with a towel. Unfortunately, this overlooks the fact that a) more sweat can come where that came from, because the body will continue until it is satisfied of adequate homeostasis, and b) drying oneself with a towel will remove the moisture better than it’ll remove the salts from the skin—bearing in mind that it’s mostly the salts, rather than the moisture itself, that improve the conductivity (pure distilled water does conduct electricity, but not very well).

        In other words, this was shoddy methodology. How did it pass peer review? Well, here’s an insight into that journal’s peer review process…

        ❝The peer-review system of EBCAM is farcical: potential authors who send their submissions to EBCAM are invited to suggest their preferred reviewers who subsequently are almost invariably appointed to do the job. It goes without saying that such a system is prone to all sorts of serious failures; in fact, this is not peer-review at all, in my opinion, it is an unethical sham.❞

        ~ Dr. Edzard Ernst, a founding editor of EBCAM (he since left, and decries what has happened to it since)

        One of the other key problems is: how does one test qigong against placebo?

        Scientists have looked into this question, and their answers have thus far been unsatisfying, and generally to the tune of the true-but-unhelpful statement that “future research needs to be better”:

        Problems of scientific methodology related to placebo control in Qigong studies: A systematic review

        Most studies into qigong are interventional studies, that is to say, they measure people’s metrics (for example, blood pressure, heart rate, maybe immune function biomarkers, sleep quality metrics of various kinds, subjective reports of stress levels, physical biomarkers of stress levels, things like that), then do a course of qigong (perhaps 6 weeks, for example), then measure them again, and see if the course of qigong improved things.

        This almost always results in an improvement when looking at the before-and-after, but it says nothing for whether the benefits were purely placebo.

        We did find one study that claimed to be placebo-controlled:

        A placebo-controlled trial of ‘one-minute qigong exercise’ on the reduction of blood pressure among patients with essential hypertension

        …but upon reading the paper itself carefully, it turned out that while the experimental group did qigong, the control group did a reading exercise. Which is… Saying how well qigong performs vs reading (qigong did outperform reading, for the record), but nothing for how well it performs vs placebo, because reading isn’t a remotely credible placebo.

        See also: Placebo Effect: Making Things Work Since… Well, A Very Long Time Ago ← this one explains a lot about how placebo effect does work

        Qigong is a mystical waste of time: True or False?

        False! This one we can answer easily. Interventional studies invariably find it does help, and the fact remains that even if placebo is its primary mechanism of action, it is of benefit and therefore not a waste of time.

        Which is not to say that placebo is its only, or even necessarily primary, mechanism of action.

        Even from a purely empirical evidence-based medicine point of view, qigong is at the very least breathing exercises plus (usually) some low-impact body movement. Those are already two things that can be looked at, mechanistic processes pointed to, and declarations confidently made of “this is an activity that’s beneficial for health”.

        See for example:

        …and those are all from respectable journals with meaningful peer review processes.

        None of them are placebo-controlled, because there is no real option of “and group B will only be tricked into believing they are doing deep breathing exercises with low-impact movements”; that’s impossible.

        But! They each show how doing qigong reliably outperforms not doing qigong for various measurable metrics of health.

        And, we chose examples with physical symptoms and where possible empirically measurable outcomes (such as COVID-19 infection levels, or inflammatory responses); there are reams of studies showings qigong improves purely subjective wellbeing—but the latter could probably be claimed for any enjoyable activity, whereas changes in inflammatory biomarkers, not such much.

        In short: for most people, it indeed reliably helps with many things. And importantly, it has no particular risks associated with it, and it’s almost universally framed as a complementary therapy rather than an alternative therapy.

        This is critical, because it means that whereas someone may hold off on taking evidence-based medicines while trying out (for example) homeopathy, few people are likely to hold off on other treatments while trying out qigong—since it’s being viewed as a helper rather than a Hail-Mary.

        Want to read more about qigong?

        Here’s the NIH’s National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health has to say. It cites a lot of poor quality science, but it does mention when the science it’s citing is of poor quality, and over all gives quite a rounded view:

        Qigong: What You Need To Know

        Enjoy!

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      • Rosehip’s Benefits, Inside & Out

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        It’s In The Hips

        Rosehip (often also written: “rose hip”, “rosehips”, or “rose hips”, but we’ll use the singular compound here to cover its use as a supplement) is often found as an extra ingredient in various supplements, and also various herbal teas. But what is it and what does it actually do?

        What it is: it’s the fruiting body that appears on rose plants underneath where the petals appear. They are seasonal.

        As for what it does, read on…

        Anti-inflammatory

        Rosehip is widely sought for (and has been well-studied for) its anti-inflammatory powers.

        Because osteoarthritis is one of the most common inflammatory chronic diseases around, a lot of the studies are about OA, but the mechanism of action is well-established as being antioxidant and anti-inflammatory in general:

        ❝Potent antioxidant radical scavenging effects are well documented for numerous rose hip constituents besides Vitamin C.

        Furthermore, anti-inflammatory activities include the reduction of pro-inflammatory cytokines and chemokines, reduction of NF-kB signaling, inhibition of pro-inflammatory enzymes, including COX1/2, 5-LOX and iNOS, reduction of C-reactive protein levels, reduction of chemotaxis and chemoluminescence of PMNs, and an inhibition of pro-inflammatory metalloproteases.❞

        ~ Dr. Margret Moré et al.

        Source: Rosa canina – Rose hip pharmacological ingredients and molecular mechanics counteracting osteoarthritis – A systematic review

        Note that while rosehip significantly reduces inflammation, it doesn’t affect the range of movement in OA—further making clear its mechanism of action:

        Read: Rosa canina fruit (rosehip) for osteoarthritis: a cochrane review

        Anti-aging

        This is partly about its antioxidant effect, but when it comes to skin, also partly its high vitamin C content. In this 8-week study, for example, taking 3mg/day resulted in significant reductions of many measures of skin aging:

        The effectiveness of a standardized rose hip powder, containing seeds and shells of Rosa canina, on cell longevity, skin wrinkles, moisture, and elasticity

        Heart healthy

        The dose required to achieve this benefit is much higher, but nonetheless its effectiveness is clear, for example:

        ❝Daily consumption of 40 g of rose hip powder for 6 weeks can significantly reduce cardiovascular risk in obese people through lowering of systolic blood pressure and plasma cholesterol levels. ❞

        ~ Dr. Mona Landin-Olsson et al.

        Read in full: Effects of rose hip intake on risk markers of type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease: a randomized, double-blind, cross-over investigation in obese persons

        Want to try some?

        We don’t sell it, but here for your convenience is an example product on Amazon

        Enjoy!

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      • If You’re Poor, Fertility Treatment Can Be Out of Reach

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        Mary Delgado’s first pregnancy went according to plan, but when she tried to get pregnant again seven years later, nothing happened. After 10 months, Delgado, now 34, and her partner, Joaquin Rodriguez, went to see an OB-GYN. Tests showed she had endometriosis, which was interfering with conception. Delgado’s only option, the doctor said, was in vitro fertilization.

        “When she told me that, she broke me inside,” Delgado said, “because I knew it was so expensive.”

        Delgado, who lives in New York City, is enrolled in Medicaid, the federal-state health program for low-income and disabled people. The roughly $20,000 price tag for a round of IVF would be a financial stretch for lots of people, but for someone on Medicaid — for which the maximum annual income for a two-person household in New York is just over $26,000 — the treatment can be unattainable.

        Expansions of work-based insurance plans to cover fertility treatments, including free egg freezing and unlimited IVF cycles, are often touted by large companies as a boon for their employees. But people with lower incomes, often minorities, are more likely to be covered by Medicaid or skimpier commercial plans with no such coverage. That raises the question of whether medical assistance to create a family is only for the well-to-do or people with generous benefit packages.

        “In American health care, they don’t want the poor people to reproduce,” Delgado said. She was caring full-time for their son, who was born with a rare genetic disorder that required several surgeries before he was 5. Her partner, who works for a company that maintains the city’s yellow cabs, has an individual plan through the state insurance marketplace, but it does not include fertility coverage.

        Some medical experts whose patients have faced these issues say they can understand why people in Delgado’s situation think the system is stacked against them.

        “It feels a little like that,” said Elizabeth Ginsburg, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Harvard Medical School who is president-elect of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, a research and advocacy group.

        Whether or not it’s intended, many say the inequity reflects poorly on the U.S.

        “This is really sort of standing out as a sore thumb in a nation that would like to claim that it cares for the less fortunate and it seeks to do anything it can for them,” said Eli Adashi, a professor of medical science at Brown University and former president of the Society for Reproductive Endocrinologists.

        Yet efforts to add coverage for fertility care to Medicaid face a lot of pushback, Ginsburg said.

        Over the years, Barbara Collura, president and CEO of the advocacy group Resolve: The National Infertility Association, has heard many explanations for why it doesn’t make sense to cover fertility treatment for Medicaid recipients. Legislators have asked, “If they can’t pay for fertility treatment, do they have any idea how much it costs to raise a child?” she said.

        “So right there, as a country we’re making judgments about who gets to have children,” Collura said.

        The legacy of the eugenics movement of the early 20th century, when states passed laws that permitted poor, nonwhite, and disabled people to be sterilized against their will, lingers as well.

        “As a reproductive justice person, I believe it’s a human right to have a child, and it’s a larger ethical issue to provide support,” said Regina Davis Moss, president and CEO of In Our Own Voice: National Black Women’s Reproductive Justice Agenda, an advocacy group.

        But such coverage decisions — especially when the health care safety net is involved — sometimes require difficult choices, because resources are limited.

        Even if state Medicaid programs wanted to cover fertility treatment, for instance, they would have to weigh the benefit against investing in other types of care, including maternity care, said Kate McEvoy, executive director of the National Association of Medicaid Directors. “There is a recognition about the primacy and urgency of maternity care,” she said.

        Medicaid pays for about 40% of births in the United States. And since 2022, 46 states and the District of Columbia have elected to extend Medicaid postpartum coverage to 12 months, up from 60 days.

        Fertility problems are relatively common, affecting roughly 10% of women and men of childbearing age, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

        Traditionally, a couple is considered infertile if they’ve been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for 12 months. Last year, the ASRM broadened the definition of infertility to incorporate would-be parents beyond heterosexual couples, including people who can’t get pregnant for medical, sexual, or other reasons, as well as those who need medical interventions such as donor eggs or sperm to get pregnant.

        The World Health Organization defined infertility as a disease of the reproductive system characterized by failing to get pregnant after a year of unprotected intercourse. It terms the high cost of fertility treatment a major equity issue and has called for better policies and public financing to improve access.

        No matter how the condition is defined, private health plans often decline to cover fertility treatments because they don’t consider them “medically necessary.” Twenty states and Washington, D.C., have laws requiring health plans to provide some fertility coverage, but those laws vary greatly and apply only to companies whose plans are regulated by the state.

        In recent years, many companies have begun offering fertility treatment in a bid to recruit and retain top-notch talent. In 2023, 45% of companies with 500 or more workers covered IVF and/or drug therapy, according to the benefits consultant Mercer.

        But that doesn’t help people on Medicaid. Only two states’ Medicaid programs provide any fertility treatment: New York covers some oral ovulation-enhancing medications, and Illinois covers costs for fertility preservation, to freeze the eggs or sperm of people who need medical treatment that will likely make them infertile, such as for cancer. Several other states also are considering adding fertility preservation services.

        In Delgado’s case, Medicaid covered the tests to diagnose her endometriosis, but nothing more. She was searching the internet for fertility treatment options when she came upon a clinic group called CNY Fertility that seemed significantly less expensive than other clinics, and also offered in-house financing. Based in Syracuse, New York, the company has a handful of clinics in upstate New York cities and four other U.S. locations.

        Though Delgado and her partner had to travel more than 300 miles round trip to Albany for the procedures, the savings made it worthwhile. They were able do an entire IVF cycle, including medications, egg retrieval, genetic testing, and transferring the egg to her uterus, for $14,000. To pay for it, they took $7,000 of the cash they’d been saving to buy a home and financed the other half through the fertility clinic.

        She got pregnant on the first try, and their daughter, Emiliana, is now almost a year old.

        Delgado doesn’t resent people with more resources or better insurance coverage, but she wishes the system were more equitable.

        “I have a medical problem,” she said. “It’s not like I did IVF because I wanted to choose the gender.”

        One reason CNY is less expensive than other clinics is simply that the privately owned company chooses to charge less, said William Kiltz, its vice president of marketing and business development. Since the company’s beginning in 1997, it has become a large practice with a large volume of IVF cycles, which helps keep prices low.

        At this point, more than half its clients come from out of state, and many earn significantly less than a typical patient at another clinic. Twenty percent earn less than $50,000, and “we treat a good number who are on Medicaid,” Kiltz said.

        Now that their son, Joaquin, is settled in a good school, Delgado has started working for an agency that provides home health services. After putting in 30 hours a week for 90 days, she’ll be eligible for health insurance.

        One of the benefits: fertility coverage.

        KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

        Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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