Healthy Relationship, Healthy Life

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Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much!

One of the well-established keys of a long healthy life is being in a fulfilling relationship. That’s not to say that one can’t be single and happy and fulfilled—one totally can. But statistically, those who live longest, do so in happy, fulfilling, committed relationships.

Note: happy, fulfilling, committed relationships. Less than that won’t do. Your insurance company might care about your marital status for its own sake, but your actual health doesn’t—it’s about the emotional safety and security that a good, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship offers.

How to keep the “love coals” warm

When “new relationship energy” subsides and we’ve made our way hand-in-hand through the “honeymoon period”, what next? For many, a life of routine. And that’s not intrinsically bad—routine itself can be comforting! But for love to work, according to relational psychologists, it also needs something a little more.

What things? Let’s break it down…

Bids for connection—and responsiveness to same

There’s an oft-quoted story about a person who knew their marriage was over when their spouse wouldn’t come look at their tomatoes. That may seem overblown, but…

When we care about someone, we want to share our life with them. Not just in the sense of cohabitation and taxes, but in the sense of:

  • Little moments of joy
  • Things we learned
  • Things we saw
  • Things we did

…and there’s someone we’re first to go to share these things with. And when we do, that’s a “bid for connection”. It’s important that we:

  • Make bids for connection frequently
  • Respond appropriately to our partner’s bids for connection

Of course, we cannot always give everything our full attention. But whenever we can, we should show as much genuine interest as we can.

Keep asking the important questions

Not just “what shall we have for dinner?”, but:

  • “What’s a life dream that you have at the moment?”
  • “What are the most important things in life?”
  • “What would you regret not doing, if you never got the chance?”

…and so forth. Even after many years with a partner, the answers can sometimes surprise us. Not because we don’t know our partners, but because the answers can change with time, and sometimes we can even surprise ourselves, if it’s a question we haven’t considered for a while.

It’s good to learn and grow like this together—and to keep doing so!

Express gratitude/appreciation

For the little things as well as the big:

  • Thank you for staying by my side during life’s storms
  • Thank you for bringing me a coffee
  • Thank you for taking on these responsibilities with me
  • I really appreciate your DIY skills
  • I really appreciate your understanding nature

On which note…

Compliment, often and sincerely

Most importantly, compliment things intrinsic to their character, not just peripheral attributes like appearance, and also not just what they do for you.

  • You’re such a patient person; I really admire that
  • I really hit the jackpot to get someone I can trust so completely as you
  • You are the kindest and sweetest soul I have ever encountered in life
  • I love that you have such a blend of strength and compassion
  • Your unwavering dedication to your personal values makes me so proud

…whatever goes for your partner and how you see them and what you love about them!

Express your needs, and ask about theirs

We’re none of us mind-readers, and it’s easy to languish in “if they really cared, I wouldn’t have to ask”, or conversely, “if they wanted something, they would surely say so”.

Communicate. Effectively. Life is too short to waste in miscommunication and unsaid things!

We covered much more detailed how-tos of this in a previous issue, but good double-whammy of top tier communication is:

  • “I need…” / “Please will you…”
  • “What do you need?” / “How can I help?”

Touch. Often.

It takes about 20 seconds of sustained contact for oxytocin to take effect, so remember that when you hug your partner, hold hands when walking, or cuddle up the sofa.

Have regular date nights

It doesn’t have to be fancy. A date night can be cooking together, it can be watching a movie together at home. It can be having a scheduled time to each bring a “big question” or five, from what we talked about above!

Most importantly: it’s a planned shared experience where the intent is to enjoy each other’s romantic company, and have a focus on each other. Having a regularly recurring date night, be it the last day of each month, or every second Saturday, or every Friday night, whatever your schedules allow, makes such a big difference to feel you are indeed “dating” and in the full flushes of love—not merely cohabiting pleasantly.

Want ideas?

Check out these:

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  • Plum vs Nectarine – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing plums to nectarines, we picked the nectarines.

    Why?

    Both are great! But nectarines win at least marginally in each category we look at.

    In terms of macros, plums have more carbs while nectarines have more fiber, resulting of course in a lower glycemic index. Plums do have a low GI also; just, nectarines have it better.

    When it comes to vitamins, plums have more of vitamins A, B6, C, and K, while nectarines have more of vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, E, and choline.

    In the category of minerals, plums are great but not higher in any mineral than nectarines; nectarines meanwhile have more copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, and zinc.

    All in all, enjoy both. And if having dried fruit, then prunes (dried plums) are generally more widely available than dried nectarines. But if you’re choosing one fruit or the other, nectarine is the way to go.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Take care!

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  • Enjoy Bitter Foods For Your Heart & Brain

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    When Bitter Is Better

    A good general rule of thumb for “does this food contain a lot of healthy polyphenols?” is:

    “is this (edible) plant bitter/astringent/pungent”?

    If it is, it’s probably rich in polyphenols:

    Deciphering the role of bitter and astringent polyphenols in promoting well-being

    …which is why it’s no surprise that black coffee and bitter chocolate score highly, as do hot peppers and even garlic.

    See also: Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits?

    Even fruits, generally considered something sweet to eat, often contain more polyphenols when they are bitter—many berries are great examples of this!

    Read more: Goji Berries: Which Benefits Do They Really Have?

    You can read more about the science of this here:

    Sensory Nutrition and Bitterness and Astringency of Polyphenols

    Important for multiple reasons (including heart and brain health)

    Polyphenols have many benefits, and they’re most well known for their heart-healthy properties, but their antioxidant effect (and other mechanisms) also means these foods are generally neuroprotectants too:

    A century of research shows eating these compounds can help protect against heart disease and Alzheimer’s

    The science of this is not all as obvious as you might think!

    It is reasonable to expect “ok, this has antioxidant effect, so it will reduce oxidative damage to brain cells too”, and while that is true (and yes, polyphenols do cross the blood-brain barrier), they also help in other ways, including through the gut:

    Where to Look into the Puzzle of Polyphenols and Health? The Postbiotics and Gut Microbiota Associated with Human Metabotypes

    What if I don’t like bitter/astringent/pungent foods?

    If you do not have a medical condition that proscribes them (do check with your doctor if unsure), the best advice is to simply eat them anyway, and your tastes will adapt.

    It will also help if you avoid sweet foods (though this too is also a good general rule of thumb!), as this will move the balance of where your brain’s “set range” is for “good taste”.

    Bonus tip: dark chocolate (80%+ cocoa if possible, 95% if you can get it) and chilli peppers go great with each other. Here’s an example of a chilli chocolate product on Amazon; it’s 70% cocoa (which is not bad, but could be better). You might be able to get a higher percentage locally, especially if you ask your local chocolatière, or make it yourself!

    Enjoy!

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  • Younger Next Year – by Chris Crowley & Dr. Henry Lodge

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Is it diet and exercise? Well, of course that’s a component. Specific kinds of exercise, too. But, as usual when we feature a book, there’s more:

    In this case, strong throughout is the notion of life being a marathon not a sprint—and training for it accordingly.

    Doing the things now that you’ll really wish you’d started doing sooner, and finding ways to build them into daily life.

    Not just that, though! The authors take a holistic approach to life and health, and thus also cover work life, social life, and so forth. Now, you may be thinking “I’m already in the 80 and beyond category; I don’t work” and well, the authors advise that you do indeed work. You don’t have to revamp your career, but science strongly suggests that people who work longer, live longer.

    Of course that doesn’t have to mean going full-throttle like a 20-year-old determined to make their mark on the world (you can if you want, though). It could be volunteering for a charity, or otherwise just finding a socially-engaging “work-like” activity that gives you purpose.

    About the blend of motivational pep talk and science—this book is heavily weighted towards the former. It has, however, enough science to keep it on the right track throughout. Hence the two authors! Crowley for motivational pep, and Dr. Lodge for the science (with extra input from brain surgeon Dr. Hamilton, too).

    Bottom line: if you want to feel the most prepared possible for the coming years and decades, this is a great book that covers a lot of bases.

    Click here to check out “Younger Next Year” and get de-aging!

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  • What’s the difference between ‘man flu’ and flu? Hint: men may not be exaggerating

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    What’s the difference? is a new editorial product that explains the similarities and differences between commonly confused health and medical terms, and why they matter.

    The term “man flu” takes a humorous poke at men with minor respiratory infections, such as colds, who supposedly exaggerate their symptoms.

    According to the stereotype, a man lies on the sofa with a box of tissues. Meanwhile his female partner, also with a snotty nose, carries on working from home, doing the chores and looking after him.

    But is man flu real? Is there a valid biological reason behind men’s symptoms or are men just malingering? And how does man flu differ from flu?

    baranq/Shutterstock

    What are the similarities?

    Man flu could refer to a number of respiratory infections – a cold, flu, even a mild case of COVID. So it’s difficult to compare man flu with flu.

    But for simplicity, let’s say man flu is actually a cold. If that’s the case, man flu and flu have some similar features.

    Both are caused by viruses (but different ones). Both are improved with rest, fluids, and if needed painkillers, throat lozenges or decongestants to manage symptoms.

    Both can share similar symptoms. Typically, more severe symptoms such as fever, body aches, violent shivering and headaches are more common in flu (but sometimes occur in colds). Meanwhile sore throats, runny noses, congestion and sneezing are more common in colds. A cough is common in both.

    What are the differences?

    Flu is a more serious and sometimes fatal respiratory infection caused by the influenza virus. Colds are caused by various viruses such as rhinoviruses, adenoviruses, and common cold coronaviruses, and are rarely serious.
    Colds tend to start gradually while flu tends to start abruptly.

    Flu can be detected with laboratory or at-home tests. Man flu is not an official diagnosis.

    Severe flu symptoms may be prevented with a vaccine, while cold symptoms cannot.

    Serious flu infections may also be prevented or treated with antiviral drugs such as Tamiflu. There are no antivirals for colds.

    OK, but is man flu real?

    Again, let’s assume man flu is a cold. Do men really have worse colds than women? The picture is complicated.

    One study, with the title “Man flu is not a thing”, did in fact show there were differences in men’s and women’s symptoms.

    This study looked at symptoms of acute rhinosinusitis. That’s inflammation of the nasal passages and sinuses, which would explain a runny or stuffy nose, a sinus headache or face pain.

    When researchers assessed participants at the start of the study, men and women had similar symptoms. But by days five and eight of the study, women had fewer or less-severe symptoms. In other words, women had recovered faster.

    But when participants rated their own symptoms, we saw a somewhat different picture. Women rated their symptoms worse than how the researchers rated them at the start, but said they recovered more quickly.

    All this suggests men were not exaggerating their symptoms and did indeed recover more slowly. It also suggests women feel their symptoms more strongly at the start.

    Why is this happening?

    It’s not straightforward to tease out what’s going on biologically.

    There are differences in immune responses between men and women that provide a plausible reason for worse symptoms in men.

    For instance, women generally produce antibodies more efficiently, so they respond more effectively to vaccination. Other aspects of women’s immune system also appear to work more strongly.

    So why do women tend to have stronger immune responses overall? That’s probably partly because women have two X chromosomes while men have one. X chromosomes carry important immune function genes. This gives women the benefit of immune-related genes from two different chromosomes.

    XX female chromosomes
    X chromosomes carry important immune function genes. Rost9/Shutterstock

    Oestrogen (the female sex hormone) also seems to strengthen the immune response, and as levels vary throughout the lifespan, so does the strength of women’s immune systems.

    Men are certainly more likely to die from some infectious diseases, such as COVID. But the picture is less clear with other infections such as the flu, where the incidence and mortality between men and women varies widely between countries and particular flu subtypes and outbreaks.

    Infection rates and outcomes in men and women can also depend on the way a virus is transmitted, the person’s age, and social and behavioural factors.

    For instance, women seem to be more likely to practice protective behaviours such as washing their hands, wearing masks or avoiding crowded indoor spaces. Women are also more likely to seek medical care when ill.

    So men aren’t faking it?

    Some evidence suggests men are not over-reporting symptoms, and may take longer to clear an infection. So they may experience man flu more harshly than women with a cold.

    So cut the men in your life some slack. If they are sick, gender stereotyping is unhelpful, and may discourage men from seeking medical advice.

    Thea van de Mortel, Professor, Nursing, School of Nursing and Midwifery, Griffith University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Exercise with Type 1 Diabetes – by Ginger Vieira

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    If you or a loved one has Type 1 Diabetes, you’ll know that exercise can be especially frustrating…

    • If you don’t do it, you risk weight gain and eventual insulin resistance.
    • If you do it, you risk dangerous hypos, or perhaps hypers if you took off your pump or skipped a bolus.

    Unfortunately, the popular medical advice is “well, just do your best”.

    Ginger Vieira is Type 1 Diabetic, and writes with 20+ experience of managing her diabetes while being a keen exerciser. As T1D folks out there will also know, comorbidities are very common; in her case, fibromyalgia was the biggest additional blow to her ability to exercise, along with an underactive thyroid. So when it comes to dealing with the practical nuts and bolts of things, she (while herself observing she’s not a doctor, let alone your doctor) has a lot more practical knowledge than an endocrinologist (without diabetes) behind a desk.

    Speaking of nuts and bolts, this book isn’t a pep talk.

    It has a bit of that in, but most of it is really practical information, e.g: using fasted exercise (4 hours from last meal+bolus) to prevent hypos, counterintuitive as that may seemthe key is that timing a workout for when you have the least amount of fast-acting insulin in your body means your body can’t easily use your blood sugars for energy, and draws from your fat reserves instead… Win/Win!

    That’s just one quick tip because this is a 1-minute review, but Vieira gives:

    • whole chapters, with example datasets (real numbers)
    • tech-specific advice, e.g. pump, injection, etc
    • insulin-specific advice, e.g. fast vs slow, and adjustments to each in the context of exercise
    • timing advice re meal/bolus/exercise for different insulins and techs
    • blood-sugar management advice for different exercise types (aerobic/anaerobic, sprint/endurance, etc)

    …and lots more that we don’t have room to mention here

    Basically… If you or a loved one has T1D, we really recommend this book!

    Order a copy of “Exercise with Type 1 Diabetes” from Amazon today!

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  • See what other 10almonds subscribers are asking!

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Q: I would be interested in learning more about collagen and especially collagen supplements/powders and of course if needed, what is the best collagen product to take. What is collagen? Why do we need to supplement the collagen in our body? Thank you PS love the information I am receiving in the news letters. Keep it up

    We’re glad you’re enjoying them! Your request prompted us to do our recent Research Review Monday main feature on collagen supplementation—we hope it helped, and if you’ve any more specific (or other) question, go ahead and let us know! We love questions and requests

    Q: Great article about the health risks of salt to organs other than the heart! Is pink Himalayan sea salt, the pink kind, healthier?

    Thank you! And, no, sorry. Any salt that is sodium chloride has the exact same effect because it’s chemically the same substance, even if impurities (however pretty) make it look different.

    If you want a lower-sodium salt, we recommend the kind that says “low sodium” or “reduced sodium” or similar. Check the ingredients, it’ll probably be sodium chloride cut with potassium chloride. Potassium chloride is not only not a source of sodium, but also, it’s a source of potassium, which (unlike sodium) most of us could stand to get a little more of.

    For your convenience: here’s an example on Amazon!

    Bonus: you can get a reduced sodium version of pink Himalayan salt too!

    Q: Can you let us know about more studies that have been done on statins? Are they really worth taking?

    That is a great question! We imagine it might have been our recent book recommendation that prompted it? It’s quite a broad question though, so we’ll do that as a main feature in the near future!

    Q: Is MSG healthier than salt in terms of sodium content or is it the same or worse?

    Great question, and for that matter, MSG itself is a great topic for another day. But your actual question, we can readily answer here and now:

    • Firstly, by “salt” we’re assuming from context that you mean sodium chloride.
    • Both salt and MSG do contain sodium. However…
    • MSG contains only about a third of the sodium that salt does, gram-for-gram.
    • It’s still wise to be mindful of it, though. Same with sodium in other ingredients!
    • Baking soda contains about twice as much sodium, gram for gram, as MSG.

    Wondering why this happens?

    Salt (sodium chloride, NaCl) is equal parts sodium and chlorine, by atom count, but sodium’s atomic mass is lower than chlorine’s, so 100g of salt contains only 39.34g of sodium.

    Baking soda (sodium bicarbonate, NaHCO₃) is one part sodium for one part hydrogen, one part carbon, and three parts oxygen. Taking each of their diverse atomic masses into account, we see that 100g of baking soda contains 27.4g sodium.

    MSG (monosodium glutamate, C₅H₈NO₄Na) is only one part sodium for 5 parts carbon, 8 parts hydrogen, 1 part nitrogen, and 4 parts oxygen… And all those other atoms put together weigh a lot (comparatively), so 100g of MSG contains only 12.28g sodium.

    Q: Thanks for the info about dairy. As a vegan, I look forward to a future comment about milk alternatives

    Thanks for bringing it up! What we research and write about is heavily driven by subscriber feedback, so notes like this really help us know there’s an audience for a given topic!

    We’ll do a main feature on it, to do it justice. Watch out for Research Review Monday!

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