We’ve previously reviewed Dr. Schwartz’s “You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For” and whereas that book doesn’t require having read this one, this one would be an excellent place to start, as it focuses on perhaps the most important core issues of IFS therapy.

We all have different aspects that have developed within us for different reasons, and can generally “become as though a different person when…” and some condition that is met. Those are our “parts”, per IFS.

This book makes the case that even the worst of our parts arose for reasons, that they often looked after us when no other part could or would, and at the very least, they tried. Rather than arguing for “so, everything’s just great”, though, Dr. Schwartz talks the reader through making peace with those parts, and then, where appropriate, giving them the retirement they deserve—of if that’s not entirely practical, arranging for them to at least take a seat and wait until called on, rather than causing problems in areas of life to which they are not well-suited.

Throughout, there is a good balance of compassion and no-bullshit, both of which are really necessary in order to make this work.

Bottom line: if there are parts of you you’re not necessarily proud of, this book can help you to put them peacefully to rest.

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Coming from an eclectic psychotherapy background, Deborah McKenna outlines a wide array of techniques to “do what it says on the tin”, that is:

Organizing the junk drawer of your mind.

McKenna argues that it’s natural for something so gargantuan as our mind to get cluttered… but that it’s perfectly possible, with a good system, to tidy up considerably.

The benefit of this is much like the benefit of tidying a room:

Imagine a kitchen in which half the things have not been put away; there are dishes in the sink, something is growing behind the trash can… and you have a vague suspicion that if you open a certain cupboard, its contents are going to come falling out on your head. How are you going to cook a meal here?

Imagine a mind when many thoughts have been left untended; there are things you needed to process, and there’s a steady resentment of something growing in some dark part of your mind… and there’s some part of your memory that you’re afraid to even look at it, because of all it’ll cause to come surging back at you. How are you going to strategize your life here?

Fortunately, McKenna is here to guide you through doing for your mind what Marie Kondo would do for your home. And, even better, McKenna does it with a simple and clear writing style, assorted diagrams, and a step-by-step approach to getting everything in order.

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Many “quit drinking” books focus on tips you’ve heard already—cut down like this, rearrange your habits like that, make yourself accountable like so, add a reward element this way, etc.

Dolton takes a different approach.

She focuses instead on the underlying processes of addiction, so as to not merely understand them to fight them, but also to use them against the addiction itself.

This is not just a social or behavioral analysis, by the way, and goes into some detail into the physiological factors of the addiction—including such things as the little-talked about relationship between addiction and gut flora. Candida albans, found in most if not all humans to some extent, gets really out of control when given certain kinds of sugars (including those from alcohol); it grows, eventually puts roots through the intestinal walls (ouch!) and the more it grows, the more it demands the sugars it craves, so the more you feed it.

Quite a motivator to not listen to such cravings! It’s not even you that wants it, it’s the Candida!

Anyway, that’s just one example; there are many. The point here is that this is a well-researched, well-written book that sets itself apart from many of its genre.

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