The Art of Being Unflappable (Tricks For Daily Life)
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The Art of Being Unflappable
From Stoicism to CBT, thinkers through the ages have sought the unflappable life.
Today, in true 10almonds fashion, we’re going to distil it down to some concentrated essentials that we can all apply in our daily lives:
Most Common/Impactful Cognitive Distortions To Catch (And Thus Avoid)
These are like the rhetorical fallacies with which you might be familiar (ad hominem, no true Scotsman, begging the question, tu quoque, straw man, etc), but are about what goes on between your own ears, pertaining to your own life.
If we learn about them and how to recognize them, however, we can catch them before they sabotage us, and remain “unflappable” in situations that could otherwise turn disastrous.
Let’s take a look at a few:
Catastrophizing / Crystal Ball
- Distortion: not just blowing something out of proportion, but taking an idea and running with it to its worst possible conclusion. For example, we cook one meal that’s a “miss” and conclude we are a terrible cook, and in fact for this reason a terrible housewife/mother/friend/etc, and for this reason everyone will probably abandon us and would be right to do so
- Reality: by tomorrow, you’ll probably be the only one who even remembers it happened
Mind Reading
- Distortion: attributing motivations that may or may not be there, and making assumptions about other people’s thoughts/feelings. An example is the joke about two partners’ diary entries; one is long and full of feelings about how the other is surely dissatisfied in their marriage, has been acting “off” with them all day, is closed and distant, probably wants to divorce, may be having an affair and is wondering which way to jump, and/or is just wondering how to break the news—the other partner’s diary entry is short, and reads “motorcycle won’t start; can’t figure out why”
- Reality: sometimes, asking open questions is better than guessing, and much better than assuming!
All-or-Nothing Thinking / Disqualifying the Positive / Magnifying the Negative
- Distortion: having a negative bias that not only finds a cloud in every silver lining, but stretches it out so that it’s all that we can see. In a relationship, this might mean that one argument makes us feel like our relationship is nothing but strife. In life in general, it may lead us to feel like we are “naturally unlucky”.
- Reality: those negative things wouldn’t even register as negative to us if there weren’t a commensurate positive we’ve experienced to hold them in contrast against. So, find and remember that positive too.
For brevity, we put a spotlight on (and in some cases, clumped together) the ones we think have the most bang-for-buck to know about, but there are many more.
So for the curious, here’s some further reading:
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Beet “Kvass” With Ginger
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Kvass is a popular drink throughout Eastern Europe, with several countries claiming it, but the truth is, kvass is older than nations (as in: nations, in general, any of them; nation states are a newer concept than is often realized), and its first recorded appearance was in the city state of Kyiv.
This one is definitely not a traditional recipe, as kvass is usually made from rye, but keeping true to its Eastern European roots with (regionally popular) beetroot, it’s nevertheless a great fermented drink, full of probiotic benefits, and this time, with antioxidants too.
It’s a little saltier than most things we give recipes for here, so enjoy it on hot sunny days as a great way to replenish electrolytes!
You will need (for 1 quart / 1 liter)
- 2¾ cups filtered or spring water
- 2 beets, roughly chopped
- 1 tbsp chopped fresh ginger
- 2 tsp salt (do not omit or substitute)
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Sterilize a 1-quart jar with boiling water (carefully please)
2) Put all the ingredients in the jar and stir until the salt dissolves
3) Close the lid tightly and store in a cool dark place to ferment for 2 weeks
4) Strain the beets and ginger (they are now pickled and can be enjoyed in a salad or as a kimchi-like snack), pouring the liquid into a clean jar/bottle. This can be kept in the fridge for up to a month. Next time you make it, if you use ¼ cup of this as a “starter” to replace an equal volume of water in the original recipe, the fermentation will take days instead of weeks.
5) Serve! Best served chilled, but without ice, on a hot sunny day.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Making Friends With Your Gut (You Can Thank Us Later)
- What To Eat, Take, And Do Before A Workout
- Ginger Does A Lot More Than You Think
Take care!
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Are You Flourishing? (There’s a Scale)
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What does it mean, to flourish? And how can you do it more?
In 2009, psychologists Diener et al developed the “Flourishing Scale”, or as it was more prosaically called originally, “Subjective Wellness Scale”. The name was changed later, as it was noted that it went beyond what was typically considered mere “wellness”.
This scale was so useful, that colleagues scrambled to see if they could improve on it, such as with PERMA (2012), which looked at:
- Positive emotion
- Engagement
- positive Relationships
- Meaning
- Accomplishment/Achievement
While popular (despite the tenuous acronym, it is a very good list of things to foster in your life), this was studied and measured scientifically and found to not be an improvement on the Flourishing Scale / SWS, so we’re going to stick to the original version for now.
We couldn’t find an interactive online quiz for the scale though (apart from this NY Times one, which is paywalled for NYT subscribers, so enjoy if you’re a NYT subscriber!), so here’s the source material, still hosted on the website of the (now deceased, as of a couple of years ago) author:
Flourishing Scale (FS) ← it’s an eight-question, ranked choice scale
How did you score? And…
What are the keys to flourishing more?
According to Jeffrey Davis M.A., of Tracking Wonder, there are five key attributes that we must develop and/or maintain:
The ability to direct and re-direct your attention
This isn’t just a task-related thing.This is about your mind itself. For example, the ability to recognize what your emotions are telling you, thank them for the message, and then set them aside. Or the ability to cut through negative thought spirals! How often have you worried about future events that didn’t transpire, or twisted yourself in knots over a past event that you can’t change?
Action: check out our previous article “The Off-Button For Your Brain” ← this is a technique for switching off racing thoughts, and it’s really good
Want more? We also did this:
The tendency to shape your time with intention and for impact
Time is an incredibly precious asset. How you use it is a very personal choice. You don’t have to maximize productivity (though you can if you want), but for example there’s a difference between:
- Deciding to spend an hour watching a TV show you really enjoy
- Wondering what’s on TV, browsing aimlessly, watching listlessly, just a distraction
In the former case, you are enjoying your time. Literally: you are experiencing joy during your time.
In the latter case, to borrow from Jim Steinman, “you were only killing time and it’ll kill you right back”!
Action: do a time audit for a week, and see where your time really goes, rather than where you expect or hope for it to go. Use this information to plan your next week more intentionally. Repeat as and when it seems like it might be useful!
The practice of constant improvement
Fun fact: you are good enough already. And you can also improve. You don’t have to, but improving in the areas that are meaningful to you can really add up over time. This could be becoming excellent at something for which already have a passion… It could also be brushing up something that you feel might be holding you back.
Action: do a quick SWOT* self-assessment. Then plan your next step from there!
*Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats. What are yours?
The ability to communicate and listen to others
A lot of this is about feedback. Giving and receiving feedback are often amongst the hardest things we do in the category of communication… Especially if the feedback is negative. How to decide what to disregard as baseless criticism, and what to take on board (and try not to take it personally), or the other way around, how to present negative feedback in a way that won’t trigger defensiveness.
Action: check out our previous article “Save Time With Better Communication” for some tips that really make relationships (of any kind) so much easier.
The commitment to positive experiences
Many things in life are not fun. Often, we know in advance that they will not be fun. The key here is the ability to make the most of a bad situation, and seek out better situations by your actions. Not like a lost person in a desert seeks water, but like a chess player who employs a general strategy to make tactical advantages more likely to appear.
Action: think about something you have to do but don’t want to. How could it be made more fun? Or failing that, how could it be made at least more comfortable?
See also: Working Smarter < Working Brighter!
Want to read more?
Check out: What Is Flourishing in Positive Psychology? (+8 Tips & PDF)
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How much does your phone’s blue light really delay your sleep? Relax, it’s just 2.7 minutes
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It’s one of the most pervasive messages about technology and sleep. We’re told bright, blue light from screens prevents us falling asleep easily. We’re told to avoid scrolling on our phones before bedtime or while in bed. We’re sold glasses to help filter out blue light. We put our phones on “night mode” to minimise exposure to blue light.
But what does the science actually tell us about the impact of bright, blue light and sleep? When our group of sleep experts from Sweden, Australia and Israel compared scientific studies that directly tested this, we found the overall impact was close to meaningless. Sleep was disrupted, on average, by less than three minutes.
We showed the message that blue light from screens stops you from falling asleep is essentially a myth, albeit a very convincing one.
Instead, we found a more nuanced picture about technology and sleep.
What we did
We gathered evidence from 73 independent studies with a total of 113,370 participants of all ages examining various factors that connect technology use and sleep.
We did indeed find a link between technology use and sleep, but not necessarily what you’d think.
We found that sometimes technology use can lead to poor sleep and sometimes poor sleep can lead to more technology use. In other words, the relationship between technology and sleep is complex and can go both ways.
How is technology supposed to harm sleep?
Technology is proposed to harm our sleep in a number of ways. But here’s what we found when we looked at the evidence:
- bright screen light – across 11 experimental studies, people who used a bright screen emitting blue light before bedtime fell asleep an average of only 2.7 minutes later. In some studies, people slept better after using a bright screen. When we were invited to write about this evidence further, we showed there is still no meaningful impact of bright screen light on other sleep characteristics including the total amount or quality of sleep
- arousal is a measure of whether people become more alert depending on what they’re doing on their device. Across seven studies, people who engaged in more alerting or “exciting” content (for example, video games) lost an average of only about 3.5 minutes of sleep compared to those who engaged in something less exciting (for example, TV). This tells us the content of technology alone doesn’t affect sleep as much as we think
- we found sleep disruption at night (for example, being awoken by text messages) and sleep displacement (using technology past the time that we could be sleeping) can lead to sleep loss. So while technology use was linked to less sleep in these instances, this was unrelated to being exposed to bright, blue light from screens before bedtime.
Which factors encourage more technology use?
Research we reviewed suggests people tend to use more technology at bedtime for two main reasons:
- to “fill the time” when they’re not yet sleepy. This is common for teenagers, who have a biological shift in their sleep patterns that leads to later sleep times, independent of technology use.
- to calm down negative emotions and thoughts at bedtime, for apparent stress reduction and to provide comfort.
There are also a few things that might make people more vulnerable to using technology late into the night and losing sleep.
We found people who are risk-takers or who lose track of time easily may turn off devices later and sacrifice sleep. Fear of missing out and social pressures can also encourage young people in particular to stay up later on technology.
What helps us use technology sensibly?
Last of all, we looked at protective factors, ones that can help people use technology more sensibly before bed.
The two main things we found that helped were self-control, which helps resist the short-term rewards of clicking and scrolling, and having a parent or loved one to help set bedtimes.
Why do we blame blue light?
The blue light theory involves melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. During the day, we are exposed to bright, natural light that contains a high amount of blue light. This bright, blue light activates certain cells at the back of our eyes, which send signals to our brain that it’s time to be alert. But as light decreases at night, our brain starts to produce melatonin, making us feel sleepy.
It’s logical to think that artificial light from devices could interfere with the production of melatonin and so affect our sleep. But studies show it would require light levels of about 1,000-2,000 lux (a measure of the intensity of light) to have a significant impact.
Device screens emit only about 80-100 lux. At the other end of the scale, natural sunlight on a sunny day provides about 100,000 lux.
What’s the take-home message?
We know that bright light does affect sleep and alertness. However our research indicates the light from devices such as smartphones and laptops is nowhere near bright or blue enough to disrupt sleep.
There are many factors that can affect sleep, and bright, blue screen light likely isn’t one of them.
The take-home message is to understand your own sleep needs and how technology affects you. Maybe reading an e-book or scrolling on socials is fine for you, or maybe you’re too often putting the phone down way too late. Listen to your body and when you feel sleepy, turn off your device.
Chelsea Reynolds, Casual Academic/Clinical Educator and Clinical Psychologist, College of Education, Psychology and Social Work, Flinders University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Healthy Made Simple – by Ella Mills
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Often, cookbooks leave a gap between “add the beans to the rice, then microwave” and “delicately embarrass the green-shooted scallions with assiduous garlic before adding to the matelote of orrazata flamed in Sapient Pear Brandy”. This book fills that gap:
It has dishes good for entertaining, and dishes good for eating on a Tuesday night after a long day. Sometimes, they’re even the same dishes.
It has a focus on what’s pleasing, easy, healthy, and consistent with being cooked in a real home kitchen for real people.
The book offers 75 recipes that:
- Take under 30 minutes to make*
- Contain 10 ingredients or fewer
- Have no more than 5 steps
- Are healthy and packed with goodness
- Are delicious and flavorful
*With a selection for under 15 minutes, too!
A strength of the book is that it’s based on practical, real-world cooking, and as such, there are sections such as “Prep-ahead [meals]”, and “cook once, eat twice”, etc.
Just because one is cooking with simple fresh ingredients doesn’t mean that everything bought today must be used today!
Bottom line: if you’d like simple, healthy recipe ideas that lend themselves well to home-cooking and prepping ahead / enjoying leftovers the next day, this is an excellent book for you.
Click here to check out Healthy Made Simple, enjoy the benefits to your health, the easy way!
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Longevity for the Lazy – by Dr. Richard Malish
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There are some people who devote all their resources to longevity, which can become a full-time occupation, not to mention a very expensive endeavor. This book’s for those who want to get the best possible “bang for buck” by doing the things that have the most favorable cost:worth ratio.
Dr. Malish covers what can be done easily for personal longevity, as well as what technological advances can be enjoyed that those before us didn’t have as options. He also discusses the diseases that are most likely to kill us, and how to avoid those.
He preaches a proactive approach, but one that is simple and consistent and based in good science, and good statistics. Indeed, while he’s served 20 years as an army doctor and a cardiologist, he now works as a healthcare policy consultant, so he is well-placed to advise.
The style of the book is halfway between regular pop-science and a textbook; you can either read it cover-to-cover, or skim first though the key points, highlight boxes, summaries, and the like. He also provides a time-phased task list, for those who like things to be laid out like that.
Bottom line: this is a very good, methodical guide to living longer without making it a full-time occupation.
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What Size Breakfast Is Best, By Science?
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“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”, the popular wisdom goes. But, what should it consist of, and how much should we be eating for breakfast?
It has been previously established that it is good if breakfast is the largest meal of the day:
…with meals getting progressively smaller thereafter.
Of course, very many people do the inverse: small (or skipped) breakfast, moderate lunch, larger dinner. This, however, is probably more a result of when eating fits around the modern industrialized workday (and thus gets normalized), rather than actual health considerations.
So, what’s the latest science?
A plucky band of researchers led by Dr. Karla-Alejandra Pérez-Vega investigated the importance of breakfast in the context of heart health. This research was done as part of a larger study into the effects of the Mediterranean Diet on cardiovascular health, so if anyone wants a quick recap before we carry on, then:
The Mediterranean Diet: What Is It Good For? ← the answer, by the way, is “pretty much everything”
…and there are also different versions that each use the Mediterranean Diet as the core, while focussing extra on a different area of health, including one to make it extra heart-healthy:
Four Ways To Upgrade The Mediterranean ← most anti-inflammatory / gut-healthiest / heart-healthiest / brain-healthiest
What they found
In their sample population (n=383) of Spanish adults aged 55–75 with pre-diagnosed metabolic syndrome who, as part of the intervention of this 36-month interventional study, had now for the past 36 months been on a Mediterranean diet but without specific guidance on portion sizes:
- Participants with insufficient breakfast energy intake had the highest adiposity (which is a measure of body fat expressed as a percentage of total mass)
- Participants with low or high (but not moderate) breakfast energy intake had the larger BMI and waist circumference over time
- Participants with low or high (but not moderate) breakfast energy intake had higher triglyceride and lower HDL (good) cholesterol levels
- Participants who consumed 20–30% of their daily calories at breakfast enjoyed the greatest improvements in lipid profiles, with lower triglycerides and higher HDL (good) cholesterol levels
- Participants with lower breakfast quality (lower adherence to Mediterranean Diet) had higher blood pressure levels
- Participants with lower breakfast quality (lower adherence to Mediterranean Diet) had higher blood sugar levels
- Participants with lower breakfast quality (lower adherence to Mediterranean Diet) had lower estimated glomerular filtration rate (which is an indicator of kidney function)
- Participants with higher breakfast quality (higher adherence to Mediterranean Diet) had lower waist circumference, higher HDL cholesterol, and better kidney function
You can see the paper itself here in the Journal of Nutrition, Health, and Aging:
What this means
According to this research, the heart-healthiest breakfast is:
- not skipped
- Mediterranean Diet adherent
- within the range of of 20–30% of the total calories for the day
Want to make it even better?
Consider:
Before You Eat Breakfast: 3 Surprising Facts About Intermittent Fasting
Enjoy!
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