The Art of Being Unflappable (Tricks For Daily Life)

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The Art of Being Unflappable

From Stoicism to CBT, thinkers through the ages have sought the unflappable life.

Today, in true 10almonds fashion, we’re going to distil it down to some concentrated essentials that we can all apply in our daily lives:

Most Common/Impactful Cognitive Distortions To Catch (And Thus Avoid)

These are like the rhetorical fallacies with which you might be familiar (ad hominem, no true Scotsman, begging the question, tu quoque, straw man, etc), but are about what goes on between your own ears, pertaining to your own life.

If we learn about them and how to recognize them, however, we can catch them before they sabotage us, and remain “unflappable” in situations that could otherwise turn disastrous.

Let’s take a look at a few:

Catastrophizing / Crystal Ball

  • Distortion: not just blowing something out of proportion, but taking an idea and running with it to its worst possible conclusion. For example, we cook one meal that’s a “miss” and conclude we are a terrible cook, and in fact for this reason a terrible housewife/mother/friend/etc, and for this reason everyone will probably abandon us and would be right to do so
  • Reality: by tomorrow, you’ll probably be the only one who even remembers it happened

Mind Reading

  • Distortion: attributing motivations that may or may not be there, and making assumptions about other people’s thoughts/feelings. An example is the joke about two partners’ diary entries; one is long and full of feelings about how the other is surely dissatisfied in their marriage, has been acting “off” with them all day, is closed and distant, probably wants to divorce, may be having an affair and is wondering which way to jump, and/or is just wondering how to break the news—the other partner’s diary entry is short, and reads “motorcycle won’t start; can’t figure out why”
  • Reality: sometimes, asking open questions is better than guessing, and much better than assuming!

All-or-Nothing Thinking / Disqualifying the Positive / Magnifying the Negative

  • Distortion: having a negative bias that not only finds a cloud in every silver lining, but stretches it out so that it’s all that we can see. In a relationship, this might mean that one argument makes us feel like our relationship is nothing but strife. In life in general, it may lead us to feel like we are “naturally unlucky”.
  • Reality: those negative things wouldn’t even register as negative to us if there weren’t a commensurate positive we’ve experienced to hold them in contrast against. So, find and remember that positive too.

For brevity, we put a spotlight on (and in some cases, clumped together) the ones we think have the most bang-for-buck to know about, but there are many more.

So for the curious, here’s some further reading:

Psychology Today: 50 Common Cognitive Distortions

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  • Sea Salt vs MSG – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing sea salt to MSG, we picked the MSG.

    Why?

    Surprise! Or maybe not? The results of the poll for this one should be interesting, and will help us know whether we need to keep mentioning in every second recipe that MSG is a healthier alternative to salt.

    First of all, two things:

    • Don’t be fooled by their respective names, and/or with such, an appeal to naturalism. For example, hydroxybenzoic acids are a major group of beneficial phenolic compounds, whereas hemlock is a wildflower that grows in this writer’s garden and will kill you if you eat it. Actually hydroxybenzoic acids also grow here (on the apple tree), but that’s not the point. The point is: worry less about names, and more about evidence!
    • Don’t be fooled by the packaging. A lot of products go for “greenwashing” of one kind or another. You’re not eating the packaging (hopefully), so don’t be swayed by a graphic designer’s implementation of a marketing team’s aesthetic choices.

    If naturalism is for some reason very important to you though, do bear in mind that glutamates occur generously in many common foodstuffs (tomatoes are a fine, healthy example) and eating tomato in the presence of salt will have the same biochemical effect as eating MSG, because it’s the same chemicals.

    Since there are bad rumors about MSG’s safety, especially in the US where there is often a strong distrust of anything associated with China (actually MSG was first isolated in Japan, more than 100 years ago, by Japanese biochemist Dr. Kikunae Ikeda, but that gets drowned out by the “Chinese Restaurant Syndrome” fear in the US), know that this has resulted in MSG being one of the most-studied food additives in the last 40 years or so, with many teams of scientists trying to determine its risks and not finding any (aside from the same that could be said of any substance; anything in sufficient excess will kill you, including water or oxygen).

    Well, that’s all been about safety, but what makes it healthier than sea salt?

    Simply, it has about ⅓ of the sodium content, that’s all. So, if you are laboring all day in a field under the hot summer sun, then probably the sea salt will be healthier, to replenish more of the sodium you lost through sweat. But for most people most of the time, having less sodium rather than more is the healthier option.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Take care!

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  • Cannellini Protein Gratin

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    A healthier twist on a classic, the protein here comes not only from the cannellini beans, but also from (at the risk of alienating French readers) a béchamel sauce that is not made using the traditional method involving flour and butter, but instead, has cashew protein as a major constituent.

    You will need

    • 3 medium potatoes, chopped (no need to peel them; you can if you want, but many of the nutrients are there and they’re not a problem for the recipe)
    • 1 can cannellini beans (also called white kidney beans)
    • 1 medium onion, chopped
    • 2 stalks celery, sliced
    • 1 carrot, chopped
    • ½ bulb garlic, minced (or more, if you like)
    • 1 jalapeño, chopped
    • 2 tbsp tomato paste
    • 1 tbsp chia seeds
    • 2 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
    • Extra virgin olive oil, for frying

    For the béchamel sauce:

    • ½ cup milk (we recommend a neutral-tasting plant milk, such as unsweetened soy, but go with your preference)
    • ⅓ cup cashews, soaked in hot water for at least 5 minutes (longer is fine) and drained
    • ¼ cup nutritional yeast
    • 1 tsp garlic powder
    • 1 tsp dried thyme

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    Note: it will be a bonus if you can use a pan that is good both for going on the hob and in the oven, such as a deep cast iron skillet, or a Dutch oven. If you don’t have something like that though, it’s fine, just use a sauté pan or similar, and then transfer to an oven dish for the oven part—we’ll mention this again when we get to it.

    1) Preheat the oven to 250℉/175℃.

    2) Heat the pan, adding some oil and then the oven; fry it for about 5 minutes, stirring often.

    3) Add the potatoes, celery, carrot, garlic, and jalapeño, stirring for another 2 minutes.

    4) Add the tomato paste, along with 1 cup water, the chia seeds, and the black pepper, and cook for a further 15 minutes, stirring occasionally as necessary.

    5) Add the cannellini beans, and cook for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally as necessary.

    6) Blend all the ingredients for the béchamel sauce, processing it until it is smooth.

    7) If you are using an oven-safe pan, pour the béchamel sauce over the bean mixture (don’t stir it; the sauce should remain on top) and transfer it to the oven. Don’t use a lid.

    If you’re not using an oven safe pan, first transfer the bean mixture to an oven dish, then pour the béchamel sauce over the bean mixture (don’t stir it; the sauce should remain on top) and put it in the oven. Don’t use a lid.

    8) Bake for about 15 minutes, or until turning golden-brown on top.

    9) Serve! It can be enjoyed on its own, or with salad and/or rice. See also, our Tasty Versatile Rice Recipe.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Get The Right Help For Your Pain

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    How Much Does It Hurt?

    Sometimes, a medical professional will ask us to “rate your pain on a scale of 1–10”.

    It can be tempting to avoid rating one’s pain too highly, because if we say “10” then where can we go from there? There is always a way to make pain worse, after all.

    But that kind of thinking, however logical, is folly—from a practical point of view. Instead of risking having to give an 11 later, you have now understated your level-10 pain as a “7” and the doctor thinks “ok, I’ll give Tylenol instead of morphine”.

    A more useful scale

    First, know this:

    Zero is not “this is the lowest level of pain I get to”.

    Zero is “no pain”.

    As for the rest…

    1. My pain is hardly noticeable.
    2. I have a low level of pain; I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it.
    3. My pain bothers me, but I can ignore it most of the time.
    4. I am constantly aware of my pain, but can continue most activities.
    5. I think about my pain most of the time; I cannot do some of the activities I need to do each day because of the pain.
    6. I think about my pain all of the time; I give up many activities because of my pain.
    7. I am in pain all of the time; It keeps me from doing most activities.
    8. My pain is so severe that it is difficult to think of anything else. Talking and listening are difficult.
    9. My pain is all that I can think about; I can barely move or talk because of my pain.
    10. I am in bed and I can’t move due to my pain; I need someone to take me to the emergency room because of my pain.

    10almonds tip: are you reading this on your phone? Screenshot the above, and keep it for when you need it!

    One extra thing to bear in mind…

    Medical staff will be more likely to believe a pain is being overstated, on a like-for-like basis, if you are a woman, or not white, or both.

    There are some efforts to compensate for this:

    A new government inquiry will examine women’s pain and treatment. How and why is it different?

    Some other resources of ours:

    Take care!

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  • Women and Minorities Bear the Brunt of Medical Misdiagnosis

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Charity Watkins sensed something was deeply wrong when she experienced exhaustion after her daughter was born.

    At times, Watkins, then 30, had to stop on the stairway to catch her breath. Her obstetrician said postpartum depression likely caused the weakness and fatigue. When Watkins, who is Black, complained of a cough, her doctor blamed the flu.

    About eight weeks after delivery, Watkins thought she was having a heart attack, and her husband took her to the emergency room. After a 5½-hour wait in a North Carolina hospital, she returned home to nurse her baby without seeing a doctor.

    When a physician finally examined Watkins three days later, he immediately noticed her legs and stomach were swollen, a sign that her body was retaining fluid. After a chest X-ray, the doctor diagnosed her with heart failure, a serious condition in which the heart becomes too weak to adequately pump oxygen-rich blood to organs throughout the body. Watkins spent two weeks in intensive care.

    She said a cardiologist later told her, “We almost lost you.”

    Watkins is among 12 million adults misdiagnosed every year in the U.S.

    In a study published Jan. 8 in JAMA Internal Medicine, researchers found that nearly 1 in 4 hospital patients who died or were transferred to intensive care had experienced a diagnostic error. Nearly 18% of misdiagnosed patients were harmed or died.

    In all, an estimated 795,000 patients a year die or are permanently disabled because of misdiagnosis, according to a study published in July in the BMJ Quality & Safety periodical.

    Some patients are at higher risk than others.

    Women and racial and ethnic minorities are 20% to 30% more likely than white men to experience a misdiagnosis, said David Newman-Toker, a professor of neurology at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the lead author of the BMJ study. “That’s significant and inexcusable,” he said.

    Researchers call misdiagnosis an urgent public health problem. The study found that rates of misdiagnosis range from 1.5% of heart attacks to 17.5% of strokes and 22.5% of lung cancers.

    Weakening of the heart muscle — which led to Watkins’ heart failure — is the most common cause of maternal death one week to one year after delivery, and is more common among Black women.

    Heart failure “should have been No. 1 on the list of possible causes” for Watkins’ symptoms, said Ronald Wyatt, chief science and chief medical officer at the Society to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine, a nonprofit research and advocacy group.

    Maternal mortality for Black mothers has increased dramatically in recent years. The United States has the highest maternal mortality rate among developed countries. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, non-Hispanic Black mothers are 2.6 times as likely to die as non-Hispanic white moms. More than half of these deaths take place within a year after delivery.

    Research shows that Black women with childbirth-related heart failure are typically diagnosed later than white women, said Jennifer Lewey, co-director of the pregnancy and heart disease program at Penn Medicine. That can allow patients to further deteriorate, making Black women less likely to fully recover and more likely to suffer from weakened hearts for the rest of their lives.

    Watkins said the diagnosis changed her life. Doctors advised her “not to have another baby, or I might need a heart transplant,” she said. Being deprived of the chance to have another child, she said, “was devastating.”

    Racial and gender disparities are widespread.

    Women and minority patients suffering from heart attacks are more likely than others to be discharged without diagnosis or treatment.

    Black people with depression are more likely than others to be misdiagnosed with schizophrenia.

    Minorities are less likely than whites to be diagnosed early with dementia, depriving them of the opportunities to receive treatments that work best in the early stages of the disease.

    Misdiagnosis isn’t new. Doctors have used autopsy studies to estimate the percentage of patients who died with undiagnosed diseases for more than a century. Although those studies show some improvement over time, life-threatening mistakes remain all too common, despite an array of sophisticated diagnostic tools, said Hardeep Singh, a professor at Baylor College of Medicine who studies ways to improve diagnosis.

    “The vast majority of diagnoses can be made by getting to know the patient’s story really well, asking follow-up questions, examining the patient, and ordering basic tests,” said Singh, who is also a researcher at Houston’s Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center. When talking to people who’ve been misdiagnosed, “one of the things we hear over and over is, ‘The doctor didn’t listen to me.’”

    Racial disparities in misdiagnosis are sometimes explained by noting that minority patients are less likely to be insured than white patients and often lack access to high-quality hospitals. But the picture is more complicated, said Monika Goyal, an emergency physician at Children’s National Hospital in Washington, D.C., who has documented racial bias in children’s health care.

    In a 2020 study, Goyal and her colleagues found that Black kids with appendicitis were less likely than their white peers to be correctly diagnosed, even when both groups of patients visited the same hospital.

    Although few doctors deliberately discriminate against women or minorities, Goyal said, many are biased without realizing it.

    “Racial bias is baked into our culture,” Goyal said. “It’s important for all of us to start recognizing that.”

    Demanding schedules, which prevent doctors from spending as much time with patients as they’d like, can contribute to diagnostic errors, said Karen Lutfey Spencer, a professor of health and behavioral sciences at the University of Colorado-Denver. “Doctors are more likely to make biased decisions when they are busy and overworked,” Spencer said. “There are some really smart, well-intentioned providers who are getting chewed up in a system that’s very unforgiving.”

    Doctors make better treatment decisions when they’re more confident of a diagnosis, Spencer said.

    In an experiment, researchers asked doctors to view videos of actors pretending to be patients with heart disease or depression, make a diagnosis, and recommend follow-up actions. Doctors felt far more certain diagnosing white men than Black patients or younger women.

    “If they were less certain, they were less likely to take action, such as ordering tests,” Spencer said. “If they were less certain, they might just wait to prescribe treatment.”

    It’s easy to see why doctors are more confident when diagnosing white men, Spencer said. For more than a century, medical textbooks have illustrated diseases with stereotypical images of white men. Only 4.5% of images in general medical textbooks feature patients with dark skin.

    That may help explain why patients with darker complexions are less likely to receive a timely diagnosis with conditions that affect the skin, from cancer to Lyme disease, which causes a red or pink rash in the earliest stage of infection. Black patients with Lyme disease are more likely to be diagnosed with more advanced disease, which can cause arthritis and damage the heart. Black people with melanoma are about three times as likely as whites to die within five years.

    The covid-19 pandemic helped raise awareness that pulse oximeters — the fingertip devices used to measure a patient’s pulse and oxygen levelsare less accurate for people with dark skin. The devices work by shining light through the skin; their failures have delayed critical care for many Black patients.

    Seven years after her misdiagnosis, Watkins is an assistant professor of social work at North Carolina Central University in Durham, where she studies the psychosocial effects experienced by Black mothers who survive severe childbirth complications.

    “Sharing my story is part of my healing,” said Watkins, who speaks to medical groups to help doctors improve their care. “It has helped me reclaim power in my life, just to be able to help others.”

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

    Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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  • Fast. Feast. Repeat – by Dr. Gin Stephens

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    We’ve reviewed intermittent fasting books before, so what makes this one different?

    The title “Fast. Feast. Repeat.” doesn’t give much away; after all, we already know that that’s what intermittent fasting is.

    After taking the reader though the basics of how intermittent fasting works and what it does for the body, much of the rest of the book is given over to improvements.

    That’s what the real strength of this book is: ways to make intermittent fasting more efficient, including how to avoid plateaus. After all, sometimes it can seem like the only way to push further with intermittent fasting is to restrict the eating window further. Not so!

    Instead, Dr. Stephens gives us ways to keep confusing our metabolism (in a good way) if, for example, we had a weight loss goal we haven’t met yet.

    Best of all, this comes without actually having to eat less.

    Bottom line: if you want to be in good physical health, and/but also believe that life is for living and you enjoy eating food, then this book can resolve that age-old dilemma!

    Click here to check out Fast. Feast. Repeat., and supercharge your health without sacrificing happiness!

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  • Coach’s Plan – by Mike Kavanagh

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    A sports coach’s job is to prepare a plan, give it to the player(s), and hold them accountable to it. Change the strategy if needs be, call the shots. The job of the player(s) is then to follow those instructions.

    If you have trouble keeping yourself accountable, Kavanagh argues that it can be good to separate how you approach things.

    Not just “coach yourself”, but put yourself entirely in the coach’s shoes, as though you were a separate person, then switch back, and follow those instructions, trusting in your coach’s guidance.

    The book also provides illustrative examples and guides the reader through some potential pitfalls—for example, what happens when morning you doesn’t want to do the things that evening you decided would be best?

    The absolute backbone of this method is that it takes away the paralysing self-doubt that can occur when we second-guess ourselves mid-task.

    In short, this book will fire up your enthusiasm and give you a reliable fall-back for when your motivation’s flagging.

    Grab Your Copy of “Coach’s Plan” on Amazon!

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