Undoing The Damage Of Life’s Hard Knocks

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Sometimes, What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Insecure

We’ve written before about Complex PTSD, which is much more common than the more popularly understood kind:

PTSD, But, Well…. Complex.

Given that C-PTSD affects so many people (around 1 in 5, but really, do read the article above! It explains it better than we have room to repeat today), it seems like a good idea to share tips for managing it.

(Last time, we took all the space for explaining it, so we just linked to some external resources at the end)

What happened to you?

PTSD has (as a necessity, as part of its diagnostic criteria) a clear event that caused it, which makes the above question easy to answer.

C-PTSD often takes more examination to figure out what tapestry of circumstances (and likely but not necessarily: treatment by other people) caused it.

Often it will feel like “but it can’t be that; that’s not that bad”, or “everyone has things like that” (in which case, you’re probably one of the one in five).

The deeper questions

Start by asking yourself: what are you most afraid of, and why? What are you most ashamed of? What do you fear that other people might say about you?

Often there is a core pattern of insecurity that can be summed up in a simple, harmful, I-message, e.g:

  • I am a bad person
  • I am unloveable
  • I am a fake
  • I am easy to hurt
  • I cannot keep my loved ones safe

…and so forth.

For a bigger list of common insecurities to see what resonates, check out:

Basic Fears/Insecurities, And Their Corresponding Needs/Desires

Find where they came from

You probably learned bad beliefs, and consequently bad coping strategies, because of bad circumstances, and/or bad advice.

  • When a parent exclaimed in anger about how stupid you are
  • When a partner exclaimed in frustration that always mess everything up
  • When an employer told you you weren’t good enough

…or maybe they told you one thing, and showed you the opposite. Or maybe it was entirely non-verbal circumstances:

  • When you gambled on a good idea and lost everything
  • When you tried so hard at some important endeavour and failed
  • When you thought someone could be trusted, and learned the hard way that you were wrong

These are “life’s difficult bits”, but when we’ve lived through a whole stack of them, it’s less like a single shattering hammer-blow of PTSD, and more like the consistent non-stop tap tap tap that ends up doing just as much damage in the long run.

Resolve them

That may sound a bit like a “and quickly create world peace” level of task, but we have tools:

Ask yourself: what if…

…it had been different? Take some time and indulge in a full-blown fantasy of a life that was better. Explore it. How would those different life lessons, different messages, have impacted who you are, your personality, your behaviour?

This is useful, because the brain is famously bad at telling real memories from false ones. Consciously, you’ll know that one was an exploratory fantasy, but to your brain, it’s still doing the appropriate rewiring. So, little by little, neuroplasticity will do its thing.

Tell yourself a better lie

We borrowed this one from the title of a very good book which we’ve reviewed previously.

This idea is not about self-delusion, but rather that we already express our own experiences as a sort of narrative, and that narrative tends to contain value judgements that are often not useful, e.g. “I am stupid”, “I am useless”, and all the other insecurities we mentioned earlier. Some simple examples might be:

  • “I had a terrible childhood” → “I have come so far”
  • “I should have known better” → “I am wiser now”
  • “I have lost so much” → “I have experienced so much”

So, replacing that self-talk can go a long way to re-writing how secure we feel, and therefore how much trauma-response (ideally: none!) we have to stimuli that are not really as threatening as we sometimes feel they are (a hallmark of PTSD in general).

Here’s a guide to more ways:

How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)

Take care!

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  • How Useful Are Our Dreams

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    What’s In A Dream?

    We were recently asked:

    ❝I have a question or a suggestion for coverage in your “Psychology Sunday”. Dreams: their relevance, meanings ( if any) interpretations? I just wondered what the modern psychological opinions are about dreams in general.❞

    ~ 10almonds subscriber

    There are two main schools of thought, and one main effort to reconcile those two. The third one hasn’t quite caught on so far as to be considered a “school of thought” yet though.

    The Top-Down Model (Psychoanalysts)

    Psychoanalysts broadly follow the theories of Freud, or at least evolved from there. Freud was demonstrably wrong about very many things. Most of his theories have been debunked and ditched—hence the charitable “or at least evolved from there” phrasing when it comes to modern psychoanalytic schools of thought. Perhaps another day, we’ll go into all the ways Freud went wrong. However, for today, one thing he wasn’t bad at…

    According to Freud, our dreams reveal our subconscious desires and fears, sometimes directly and sometimes dressed in metaphor.

    Examples of literal representations might be:

    • sex dreams (revealing our subconscious desires; perhaps consciously we had not thought about that person that way, or had not considered that sex act desirable)
    • getting killed and dying (revealing our subconscious fear of death, not something most people give a lot of conscious thought to most of the time)

    Examples of metaphorical representations might be:

    • dreams of childhood (revealing our subconscious desires to feel safe and nurtured, or perhaps something else depending on the nature of the dream; maybe a return to innocence, or a clean slate)
    • dreams of being pursued (revealing our subconscious fear of bad consequences of our actions/inactions, for example, responsibilities to which we have not attended, debts are a good example for many people; or social contact where the ball was left in our court and we dropped it, that kind of thing)

    One can read all kinds of guides to dream symbology, and learn such arcane lore as “if you dream of your teeth crumbling, you have financial worries”, but the truth is that “this thing means that other thing” symbolic equations are not only highly personal, but also incredibly culture-bound.

    For example:

    • To one person, bees could be a symbol of feeling plagued by uncountable small threats; to another, they could be a symbol of abundance, or of teamwork
    • One culture’s “crow as an omen of death” is another culture’s “crow as a symbol of wisdom”
      • For that matter, in some cultures, white means purity; in others, it means death.

    Even such classically Freudian things as dreaming of one’s mother and/or father (in whatever context) will be strongly informed by one’s own waking-world relationship (or lack thereof) with same. Even in Freud’s own psychoanalysis, the “mother” for the sake of such analysis was the person who nurtured, and the “father” was the person who drew the nurturer’s attention away, so they could be switched gender roles, or even different people entirely than one’s parents.

    The only real way to know what, if anything, your dreams are trying to tell you, is to ask yourself. You can do that…

    The idea with lucid dreaming is that since any dream character is a facet of your subconscious generated by your own mind, by talking to that character you can ask questions directly of your subconscious (the popular 2010 movie “Inception” was actually quite accurate in this regard, by the way).

    To read more about how to do this kind of self-therapy through lucid dreaming, you might want to check out this book we reviewed previously; it is the go-to book of lucid dreaming enthusiasts, and will honestly give you everything you need in one go:

    Lucid Dreaming: A Concise Guide to Awakening in Your Dreams and in Your Life – by Dr. Stephen LaBerge

    The Bottom-Up Model (Neuroscientists)

    This will take a lot less writing, because it’s practically a null hypothesis (i.e., the simplest default assumption before considering any additional evidence that might support or refute it; usually some variant of “nothing unusual going on here”).

    The Bottom-Up model holds that our brains run regular maintenance cycles during REM sleep (a biological equivalent of defragging a computer), and the brain interprets these pieces of information flying by and, because of the mind’s tendency to look for patterns, fills in the rest (much like how modern generative AI can “expand” a source image to create more of the same and fill in the blanks), resulting in the often narratively wacky, but ultimately random, vivid hallucinations that we call dreams.

    The Hybrid Model (per Cartwright, 2012)

    This is really just one woman’s vision, but it’s an incredibly compelling one, that takes the Bottom-Up model and asks “what if we did all that bio-stuff, and then our subconscious mind influenced the interpretation of the random patterns, to create dreams that are subjectively meaningful, and thus do indeed represent our subconscious?

    It’s best explained in her own words, though, so it’s time for another book recommendation (we’ve reviewed this one before, too):

    The Twenty-four Hour Mind: The Role of Sleep and Dreaming in Our Emotional Lives – by Dr. Rosalind Cartwright

    Enjoy!

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  • 7 Essential Devices For Hand Arthritis: Regain Control of Your Life

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Dr. Diana Girnita is a double board-certified physician in rheumatology and internal medicine. With a PhD in immunology (on top of her MD), and training at Harvard and top universities, she founded Rheumatologist OnCall, offering integrative medicine to broaden rheumatology access. Here’s what she has to say about things that make life easier:

    Get your hands on these…

    The seven devices that Dr. Girnita recommends are:

    • Hand grip strengthener: helps build grip strength with a spring-loaded mechanism. Regular use can improve strength and reduce pain.
    • Finger exerciser: different device; similar principle: it strengthens hand and finger muscles using resistance, enhancing hand function.
    • Moisturizing paraffin bath: a heated paraffin wax bath that soothes hands, providing heat therapy and moisturizing the skin.
    • Weighted silverware: weighted utensils (knives, forks, spoons) make gripping easier and provide stability for eating.
    • Foam tubing grips: foam covers to make kitchen tools, toothbrushes, and hairbrushes easier to grip.
    • Electric can-opener: reduces strain in opening cans, making meal preparation more accessible.
    • Compression gloves: provide gentle compression to reduce swelling and pain, improving hand flexibility and circulation.
    • Door knob cover grips: make it easier to turn doorknobs by providing a larger surface to grip.
    • Wider-grip pens: ergonomically designed pens with a larger diameter and softer grip reduce hand strain while writing.

    This writer, who does not have arthritis but also does not have anything like the grip strength she used to, also recommends a jar opener like this one.

    As a bonus, if you spend a lot of time writing at a computer, an ergonomic split keyboard like this one goes a long way to avoiding carpal tunnel syndrome, and logically must be better for arthritis than a regular keyboard; another excellent thing to have (that again this writer uses and swears by) is an ergonomic vertical mouse like this one (aligns the wrist bones correctly; the “normal” horizontal version is woeful for the carpal bones). These things are both also excellent to help avoid worsening peripheral neuropathy (something that troubles this writer’s wrists if she’s not careful, due to old injuries there).

    For more on the seven things otherwise listed above, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Take care!

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  • Eat to Beat Disease – by Dr. William Li

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Dr. William Li asks the important question: is your diet feeding disease, or defeating it?

    Because everything we put in our bodies makes our health just a little better—or just a little worse. Ok, sometimes a lot worse.

    But for most people, when it comes to diet, it’s a death of a thousand cuts of unhealthy food. And that’s what he looks to fix with this book.

    The good news: Dr. Li (while not advocating for unhealthy eating, of course), focuses less on what to restrict, and more on what to include. This book covers hundreds of such healthy foods, and ideas (practical, useful ones!) on incorporating them daily, including dozens of recipes.

    He mainly looks at five ways our food can help us with…

    1. Angiogenesis (blood vessel replacement)
    2. Regeneration (of various bodily organs and systems)
    3. Microbiome health (and all of its knock-on effects)
    4. DNA protection (and thus slower cellular aging)
    5. Immunity (defending the body while also reducing autoimmune problems)

    The style is simple and explanatory; Dr. Li is a great educator. Reading this isn’t a difficult read, but you’ll come out of it feeling like you just did a short course in health science.

    Bottom line: if you’d like an easy way to improve your health in an ongoing and sustainable way, then this book can help you do just that.

    Click here to check out Eat To Beat Disease, and eat to beat disease!

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  • Genius Foods – by Max Lugavere

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    There is a lot of seemingly conflicting (or sometimes: actually conflicting!) information out there with regard to nutrition and various aspects of health. Why, for example, are we told:

    • Be sure to get plenty of good healthy fats from nuts and seeds, for metabolic health and brain health too!
    • But these terrible nut and seed oils lead to heart disease and dementia! Avoid them at all costs!

    Max Lugavere demystifies this and more.

    His science-led approach is primarily focused on avoiding dementia, and/but is at least not bad when it comes to other areas of health too.

    He takes us on a tour of different parts of our nutrition, including:

    • Perhaps the clearest explanation of “healthy” vs “unhealthy” fats this reviewer has read
    • Managing carbs (simple and complex) for healthy glucose management—essential for good brain health
    • What foods to improve or reduce—a lot you might guess, but this is a comprehensive guide to brain health so it’d be remiss to skip it
    • The role that intermittent fasting can play as a bonus extra

    While the main thrust of the book is about avoiding cognitive impairment in the long-term (including later-life dementia), he makes good, evidence-based arguments for how this same dietary plan improves cognitive function in the short-term, too.

    Speaking of that dietary plan: he does give a step-by-step guide in a “make this change first, then this, then this” fashion, and offers some sample recipes too. This is by no means a recipe book though—most of the book is taking us through the science, not the kitchen.

    Bottom line: this is the book for getting unconfused with regard to diet and brain health, making a lot of good science easy to understand. Which we love!

    Click here to check out “Genius Foods” on Amazon today, give your brain a boost!

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  • How Jumping Rope Changes The Human Body

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Most popularly enjoyed by professional boxers and six-year-old girls, jumping rope is one of the most metabolism-boosting exercises around:

    Just a hop, skip, and a jump away from good health

    Maybe you haven’t tried it since your age was in single digits, so, if you do…

    What benefits can you expect?

    • Improves cardiovascular fitness, equivalent to 30 minutes of running with just 10 minutes of jumping.
    • Increases bone density and boosts immunity by aiding the lymphatic system.
    • Enhances explosiveness in the lower body, agility, and stamina.
    • Improves shoulder endurance, coordination, and spatial awareness.

    What kind of rope is best for you?

    • Beginner ropes: licorice ropes (nylon/vinyl), beaded ropes for rhythm and durability.
    • Advanced ropes: speed ropes (denser, faster materials) for higher speeds and more difficult skills.
    • Weighted ropes: build upper body muscles (forearms, shoulders, chest, back).

    What length should you get?

    • Recommended rope length varies by height (8 ft for 5’0″–5’4″, 9 ft for 5’5″–5’11”, 10 ft for 6’0″ and above).
    • Beginners should start with longer ropes for clearance.

    What should you learn?

    • Initial jump rope skills: start with manageable daily jump totals, gradually increasing as ankles, calves, and feet adapt.
    • Further skills: learn the two-foot jump and then the boxer’s skip for efficient, longer sessions and advanced skills. Keep arms close and hands at waist level for a smooth swing.

    For more on all of this, enjoy:

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    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    How To Do High Intensity Interval Training (Without Wrecking Your Body)

    Take care!

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  • The Truth About Handwashing

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    Washing Our Hands Of It

    In Tuesdays’s newsletter, we asked you how often you wash your hands, and got the above-depicted, below-described, set of self-reported answers:

    • About 54% said “More times per day than [the other options]”
    • About 38% said “Whenever using the bathroom or kitchen
    • About 5% said “Once or twice per day”
    • Two (2) said “Only when visibly dirty”
    • Two (2) said “I prefer to just use sanitizer gel”

    What does the science have to say about this?

    People lie about their handwashing habits: True or False?

    True and False (since some people lie and some don’t), but there’s science to this too. Here’s a great study from 2021 that used various levels of confidentiality in questioning (i.e., there were ways of asking that made it either obvious or impossible to know who answered how), and found…

    ❝We analysed data of 1434 participants. In the direct questioning group 94.5% of the participants claimed to practice proper hand hygiene; in the indirect questioning group a significantly lower estimate of only 78.1% was observed.❞

    ~ Dr. Laura Mieth et al.

    Source: Do they really wash their hands? Prevalence estimates for personal hygiene behaviour during the COVID-19 pandemic based on indirect questions

    Note: the abstract alone doesn’t make it clear how the anonymization worked (it is explained later in the paper), and it was noted as a limitation of the study that the participants may not have understood how it works well enough to have confidence in it, meaning that the 78.1% is probably also inflated, just not as much as the 94.5% in the direct questioning group.

    Here’s a pop-science article that cites a collection of studies, finding such things as for example…

    ❝With the use of wireless devices to record how many people entered the restroom and used the pumps of the soap dispensers, researchers were able to collect data on almost 200,000 restroom trips over a three-month period.

    The found that only 31% of men and 65% of women washed their hands with soap.❞

    Source: Study: Men Wash Their Hands Much Less Often Than Women (And People Lie About Washing Their Hands)

    Sanitizer gel does the job of washing one’s hands with soap: True or False?

    False, though it’s still not a bad option for when soap and water aren’t available or practical. Here’s an educational article about the science of why this is so:

    UCI Health | Soap vs. Hand Sanitizer

    There’s also some consideration of lab results vs real-world results, because while in principle the alcohol gel is very good at killing most bacteria / inactivating most viruses, it can take up to 4 minutes of alcohol gel contact to do so, as in this study with flu viruses:

    Situations Leading to Reduced Effectiveness of Current Hand Hygiene against Infectious Mucus from Influenza Virus-Infected Patients

    In contrast, 20 seconds of handwashing with soap will generally do the job.

    Antibacterial soap is better than other soap: True or False?

    False, because the main way that soap protects us is not in its antibacterial properties (although it does also destroy the surface membrane of some bacteria and for that matter viruses too, killing/inactivating them, respectively), but rather in how it causes pathogens to simply slide off during washing.

    Here’s a study that found that handwashing with soap reduced disease incidence by 50–53%, and…

    ❝Incidence of disease did not differ significantly between households given plain soap compared with those given antibacterial soap.❞

    ~ Dr. Stephen Luby et al.

    Read more: Effect of handwashing on child health: a randomised controlled trial

    Want to wash your hands more than you do?

    There have been many studies into motivating people to wash their hands more (often with education and/or disgust-based shaming), but an effective method you can use for yourself at home is to simply buy more luxurious hand soap, and generally do what you can to make handwashing a more pleasant experience (taking a moment to let the water run warm is another good thing to do if that’s more comfortable for you).

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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