The Keys to Good Mental Wellbeing

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The Nine Keys To Good Mental Wellbeing

Today’s main feature is a bit “pop psychology”, but it has its underpinnings in actual psychology, and is especially useful if approached from that angle.

What it’s most popularly enjoyed as:

  • A personality-typing system.
  • People love little quizzes and identifiers and such.

What it’s actually really useful as:

  • A tool for understanding why people (including ourselves) are the way we are
  • A foundational knowledge for living better ourselves, and helping others too

This stems from the fairly simple principle, uncontroversial in psychology:

  • We have needs, desires, and aversions
  • We act in a way that tries to get our needs met and avoid suffering
  • Thus: Need/Fear → Motivation → Action

The Enneagram

The Enneagram (ἐννέα = “nine” in Ancient Greek) system posits that we each have one fundamental need/fear (from a list of nine) that’s strongest for us. A deep-seated insecurity/longing, that we’ll go to almost any lengths to try to meet. Sometimes, in good ways, sometimes, bad.

The Nine Basic Fears/Insecurities, And Their Corresponding Needs/Desires:

  1. Fear of being a fundamentally bad, wrong person / Need to be good and correct
  2. Fear of being fundamentally unloveable / Need to be loved
  3. Fear of being fundamentally worthless / Need to be valued
  4. Fear of being like everyone else / Need to be different
  5. Fear of being useless / Need to be useful
  6. Fear of being outcast / Need to have a set place in the group
  7. Fear of missing out / Need to experience things
  8. Fear of being hurt or controlled / Need to be in control
  9. Fear of conflict / Need to be at peace

Of course, most of us have most of these fears/needs to some extent, though usually one will stand out—especially if we aren’t managing it well. The less healthy our coping mechanisms, the more obvious it is how we’re trying to overcompensate in some fashion. For example:

  1. A person who fears being wrong and so becomes a perfectionist rules-abider to a fault
  2. A person who fears being unloveable, and so exaggerates problems to get pity, as the next best thing
  3. A person who fears being worthless, and so exaggerates their accomplishments in order to be admired and valued
  4. A person who fears being like everyone else, and so descends into a “nobody could ever possibly understand me” black hole of pathos.
  5. A person who fears being useless, so burns themself out trying to be an omnicompetent Leonardo da Vinci without ever actually taking the time to stop and smell the flowers as Leonardo did.
  6. A person who fears being outcast, so becomes clingy, passive-aggressive, and suspicious
  7. A person who fears missing out, so tries to experience all the things all the time, ruining their health with dizzying highs and crushing lows.
  8. A person who fears being hurt or controlled, so becomes aggressive and domineering
  9. A person who fears conflict, so shuts down at the slightest hint of it

If we have healthier coping mechanisms, these same nine people can look a lot different, but in much more subtle ways because we’re not trying to overcompensate so badly:

  1. A person who lives their life rationally by principles that can be adapted as they learn
  2. A person who loves and is loved, as perhaps the most notable part of their character
  3. A person who sets reasonable goals and accomplishes them, and seeks to uplift others
  4. A person who creates and innovates, enriching their own life and the lives of others
  5. A person who is simply very competent and knowledgeable, without overstretching
  6. A person who is dependable and loyal, and a reliable part of something bigger than themself
  7. A person who is fun to be around and loves trying new things, while also knowing how to relax
  8. A person who develops their leadership skills and is a tower of strength for others
  9. A person who knows how to make peace and does so—by themself, and with others

By being aware of our own fears/insecurities that may drive our motivations and thus underpin our behaviors, we can usually manage them in a much more mindful fashion. Same goes when it comes to managing interactions with other people, too:

  • Letting the Type 3 know you value them, not their accomplishments or what they can do for you.
  • Appreciating the Type 5’s (varied or specialist) skills and knowledge.
  • Giving love to a Type 2 unprompted, but on your own terms, with your own boundaries.
  • And so on for other types

Or for yourself…

  • As a Type 8, remembering that you can let go sometimes and let someone else be in charge.
  • As a Type 1, catching yourself holding yourself (or others) to impossible standards, and then easing up on that a little.
  • As a Type 9, remembering to stand up for yourself and others, however gently, but firmly.
  • And so on for other types

If you’re unsure what to focus on, ask yourself: what’s your worst nightmare or greatest daydream? Then work out what it is about that, that makes it feel so bad or good.

Then, approach things mindfully. Catch yourself in your unhealthy coping mechanisms, and find healthy ones instead.

What if I get my type wrong? Or I get someone else’s type wrong?

Obviously it’s better to get them right for maximum effect, but you can never go too far wrong anyway… because we all have all nine of those qualities in us, it’s just a matter of how strong a factor each is for us. So in the worst case scenario, you’ll make someone feel more secure about something that was only a very minor insecurity for them, for example.

Or in the case of your own type, you may mistakenly think you’re acing being the world’s healthiest Type 5, until you realize you’re actually a Type 3 who thought learning all those things would make you more worthy (spoiler: those things are great, but you’re worthy already). Again, not the end of the world! No matter what, you’re learning and growing, and that’s good.

Want to delve further?

Read: The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions (Basic, but more detailed descriptions than the above)

Read: How The Enneagram System Works (More complex. Now we’re getting into the more arcane stuff we didn’t have time for today—wings and lines, triads, health levels, directions of integration and disintegration, and more)

Like learning from books? Here are our top two picks, depending on your learning style:

We’d love to offer a quick free test here, but all the tests we could find either require paid registration or are wildly inaccurate, so we’ll not waste your time.

However, we do also think that working it out for yourself is better, as it means you have a handle on what those ideas, fears, insecurities, desires, needs, really mean to you—that way you can actually use the information!

We’ll close by repeating our previous advice: If you’re unsure what to focus on, ask yourself: what’s your worst nightmare or greatest daydream? Then work out what it is about those scenarios that make them so bad or good. That’ll help you find your real fears/needs, such that you can work on them.

Good luck!

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  • Healthy Mind In A Healthy Body

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The 8-minute piece of music “Weightless” by Marconi was created scientifically to lower the heart rate and relax the listener. How did they do it? You can read the British Academy of Sound Therapy’s explanation of the methodology here, but important results of the study were:

    • “Weightless” was able to induce greater relaxation levels than a massage (increase of 6%).
    • “Weightless” also induced an 11% increase in relaxation over all other relaxing music tracks in the study.
    • “Weightless” was also subjectively rated as more relaxing than any other music by all the participants.

    Try it for yourself!

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    Isn’t that better? Whenever you’re ready, read on…

    Today we’re going to share a technique for dealing with difficult emotions. The technique is used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and it’s called RAIN:

    • Recognizing: ask yourself “what is it that I’m feeling?”, and put a name to it. It could be anger, despair, fear, frustration, anxiety, overwhelm etc.
    • Accepting: “OK, so, I’m feeling ________”. There’s no point in denying it, or being defensive about it, these things won’t help you. For now, just accept it.
    • Investigating: “Why am I feeling ________?” Maybe there is an obvious reason, maybe you need to dig for a reason—or dig deeper for the real reason. Most bad feelings are driven by some sort of fear or insecurity, so that can be a good avenue for examination. Important: your feelings may be rational or irrational. That’s fine. This is a time for investigating, not judging.
    • Non-Identification: not making whatever it is you’re feeling into a part of you. Once you get too attached to “I am jealous”, “I am angry”, “I am sad” etc, it can be difficult to manage something that has become a part of your personality; you’ll defend your jealousy, anger, sadness etc rather than tackle it.

    As a CBT tool, this is something you can do for yourself at any time. It won’t magically solve your problems, but it can stop you from spiralling into a state of crisis, and get you back on a more useful track.

    As a DBT tool, to give this its full strength, ideally now you will communicate what you’re feeling, to somebody you trust, perhaps a partner or friend, for instance.

    Humans are fundamentally social creatures, and we achieve our greatest strengths when we support each other—and that also means sometimes seeking and accepting support!

    Do you have a good technique you’d like to share? Reply to this email and let us know!

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  • Beat Osteoporosis with Exercise – by Dr. Karl Knopf

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    There are a lot of books about beating osteoporosis, and yet when it comes to osteoporosis exercises, it took us some work to find a good one. But, this one’s it!

    A lot of books give general principles and a few sample exercises. This one, in contrast, gives:

    • An overview of osteopenia and osteoporosis, first
    • A brief overview of non-exercise osteoporosis considerations
    • Principles for exercising a) to reduce one’s risk of osteoporosis b) if one has osteoporosis
    • Clear explanations of about 150 exercises that fit both categories

    This last item’s important, because a lot of popular advice is exercises that are only good for one or the other (given that a lot of things that strengthen a healthy person’s bones can break the bones of someone with osteoporosis), so having 150 exercises that are safe and effective in both cases, is a real boon.

    That doesn’t mean you have to do all 150! If you want to, great. But even just picking and choosing and putting together a little program is good.

    Bottom line: if you’d like a comprehensive guide to exercise to keep you strong in the face of osteoporosis, this is a great one.

    Click here to check out Beat Osteoporosis With Exercise, and stay strong!

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  • Health & Happiness From Outside & In

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    A friend in need…

    In a recent large (n=3,486) poll across the US:

    • 90% of people aged 50 and older say they have at least one close friend
    • 75% say they have enough close friends
    • 70% of those with a close friend say they can definitely count on them to provide health-related support

    However, those numbers shrink by half when it comes to people whose physical and/or mental health is not so great, resulting in a negative feedback loop of fewer close friends whom one sees less often, and progressively worse physical and/or mental health. In other words, the healthier you are, the more likely you are to have a friend who’ll support you in your health:

    Read in full: Friendships promote healthier living in older adults, says new survey

    Related: How To Beat Loneliness & Isolation

    Kindness makes a difference to healthcare outcomes

    Defining kindness as action-oriented, positively focused, and purposeful in nature, this sets kindness apart from compassion and empathy, when it’s otherwise often been conflated with those, and thus overlooked. This also means that kindness can still be effected when clinicians are too burned-out to be compassionate, and/or when patients are not in a state of mind where empathy is useful.

    Furthermore, unkindness (again, as defined by this review) was found in large studies to be the root cause of ¾ of patient harm events in hospital settings. This means that far from being a wishy-washy abstraction, kindness/unkindness can be a very serious factor when it comes to healthcare outcomes:

    Read in full: Review suggests kindness could make for better health care

    Related: The Human Touch vs AI, The Doctor That Never Tires

    The gift of health?

    🎵 Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
    Which turned out to be a silly idea
    This year, to save me from tears
    I’ll just get you a Fitbit or something🎵

    Health & happiness go hand in hand, so does that make health stuff a good gift? It can do! But there are also plenty of opportunities for misfires.

    For example, getting someone a gym membership when they don’t have time for that may not help them at all, and sports equipment that they’ll use once and then leave to gather dust might not be great either. In contrast, the American Heart Association recommends to first consider what they enjoy doing, and work with that, and ideally make it something versatile and/or portable. Wearable gadgets are a fine option for many, but a gift doesn’t have to be fancy to be good—with a blood pressure monitoring cuff being a suggestion from Dr. Sperling (a professor of preventative cardiology):

    Read in full: Oh, there’s no gift like health for the holidays

    Related: Here’s Where Activity Trackers Help (And Also Where They Don’t)

    How you use social media matters more than how much

    A study commissioned by the European Commission’s Joint Research Centre found that while the quantity of time one spends on social media is not associated (positively or negatively) with loneliness, they did find a correlation between passive (as opposed to engaged) use of social media, and loneliness. In other words, people who were chatting with friends less, were more lonely! Shocking news.

    While the findings may seem obvious, it does present a call-to-action for anyone who is feeling lonely: to use social media not just to see what everyone else is up to, but also, to reach out to people.

    Read in full: Unpacking the link between social media and loneliness

    Related: Make Social Media Work For Your Mental Health Rather Than Against It

    Gut-only antidepressants

    Many antidepressants work by increasing serotonin levels in the brain; a new study suggests that targeting antidepressants to work only in the gut (which is where serotonin is made, not the brain) could not only be an effective treatment for mood disorders, but also cause fewer adverse side-effects:

    Read in full: Antidepressants may act in gut to reduce depression and anxiety

    Related: Antidepressants: Personalization Is Key!

    Take care!

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  • How To Know When You’re Healing Emotionally

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    The healing process can be humbling but rewarding, leading to deep fulfillment and inner peace. Discomfort in healing can be part of growth and self-integration. Because of that, progress sometimes looks and/or feels like progress… And sometimes it doesn’t. Here’s how to recognize it, though:

    Small but important parts of a bigger process

    Nine signs indicating you are healing:

    1. Allowing emotions: you acknowledge and process both negative and positive emotions instead of suppressing them.
    2. Improved boundaries: you improve at expressing and maintaining boundaries, overcoming fear of rejection, guilt, and shame.
    3. Acceptance of past: you accept difficult past experiences and their impact, reducing their hold over you.
    4. Less reactivity: you become less reactive and more thoughtful in responses, practicing emotional self-regulation.
    5. Non-linear healing: you understand that healing involves ups and downs and isn’t a straightforward journey.
    6. Stepping out of your comfort zone: you start taking brave steps that previously induced fear or anxiety.
    7. Handling disappointments: you accept setbacks and respond to them healthily, without losing motivation.
    8. Inner peace: you develop a sense of wholeness, and forgiveness for yourself and others, reducing self-sabotage.
    9. Welcoming support: you become more open to seeking and accepting help, moving beyond pride and shame.

    In short: healing (especially the very first part: accepting that something needs healing) can be uncomfortable but lead to much better places in life.  It’s okay if healing is slow; everyone’s journey is different, and doing your best is enough.

    For more on each of these, enjoy:

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    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Mung Beans vs Red Lentils – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing mung beans to red lentils, we picked the lentils.

    Why?

    Both are great! But the lentils win on overall nutritional density.

    In terms of macros, they have approximately the same carbs and fiber, and are both low glycemic index foods. The deciding factor is that the lentils have slightly more protein—but it’s not a huge difference; both are very good sources of protein.

    In the category of vitamins, mung beans have more of vitamins A, E, and K, while red lentils have more of vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B9, C, and choline. An easy win for lentils.

    When it comes to minerals, again both are great, but mung beans have more calcium and magnesium (hence the green color) while red lentils have more copper, iron, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc. Another clear win for lentils.

    Polyphenols are also a worthy category to note here; both have plenty, but red lentils have more, especially flavonols, anthocyanidins, proanthocyanidins, and anthocyanins (whence the red color).

    In short: enjoy both, because diversity is almost always best. But if you’re picking one, red lentils are the most nutritious of the two.

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

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    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Seasonal Affective Disorder (Beyond Sunlight!)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, the time of increasing darkness is upon us again. Depending on our latitude, the sun barely rises before it skitters off again. And depending on other factors of our geography, we might not get much sun during that time (writer’s example: the ancient bog from which I write has been surrounded by fog for two weeks now).

    So, what to do about it?

    Firstly, we can make the most of whatever sun we do get (especially in the morning, if possible), and we can of course make some use of artificial sunlight. To save doubling up, we’ll link to what we previously wrote about optimizing both of those things:

    ‘Tis To Season To Be SAD-Savvy

    More ways to get serotonin

    Sunlight, of course, triggers our bodies to make serotonin, and hence we often make less of it during winter. But, there are other ways to get serotonin too, and one of the best ways is spending time in nature. Yes, even if the weather is gloomy, provided there are still visible green things and you are seeing them, it will promote serotonin production.

    Of course, it may not be the season for picnics, but a morning walk through a local park or other green space is ideal.

    On which note, gardening remains a good activity. Not a lot of people do so much gardening after a certain point in the year, but in one way, it’s more important than ever to get some soil under your fingernails:

    There are bacteria in soil (specifically: Mycobacterium vaccae) that work similarly to antidepressants.

    When something is described as having an effect similar to antidepressants, it’s usually hyperbole. In this case, it’s medicine, and literally works directly on the serotonergic system (as do many, but not all, antidepressants).

    See also: Antidepressants: Personalization Is Key!

    While many antidepressants are selective serotonin uptake inhibitors (i.e., they slow the rate at which your brain loses serotonin), Mycobacterium vaccae increases the rate at which you produce serotonin. So, you feel happier, more relaxed, while also feeling more energized.

    See: Identification of an immune-responsive mesolimbocortical serotonergic system: Potential role in regulation of emotional behavior

    ^this one’s a mouse study, but we’re including it because it covers exactly how it works in the brain, which is something that the ethics board wouldn’t let them do on humans, due to the need for slicing the brains up for examination.

    As to how to benefit: touching soil will get you “infected” by the bacteria, yes, even if you wash your hands later. Growing food in the soil and eating the good (including if you wash and cook it) is even better.

    Boost the other “happiness chemicals”

    Serotonin is just one “happiness hormone”, other feel-good neurotransmitters that are just as important include dopamine and oxytocin.

    Dopamine is most associated with being the “reward chemical”, so it pays to do things that you find rewarding. If you’re stuck for ideas, engaging in small acts of kindness is a sure-fire way to get dopamine flowing and lift your own mood as well as theirs.

    See also: 10 Ways To Naturally Boost Dopamine

    Oxytocin, meanwhile is the “cuddle chemical”, and can be triggered even if you have nobody to cuddle*. If you do, by the way, make it at least 20–30 seconds, as that’s generally how long it takes to get oxytocin flowing.

    *Vividly imagining it has much the same effect, since the brain can’t tell the difference. Alternatively, looking at pictures/videos (your choice) of small cute animals tends to work for most people also.

    For more on these things, check out: Neurotransmitter Cheatsheet

    Take care!

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