How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
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How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
A subscriber recently requested:
❝Request: more people need to be aware of suicidal tendencies and what they can do to ward them off❞
…and we said we’d do that one of these Psychology Sundays, so here we are, doing it!
First of all, we’ll mention that we did previously do a main feature on managing depression (in oneself or a loved one); here it is:
The Mental Health First Aid That You’ll Hopefully Never Need
Now, not all depression leads to suicidality, and not all suicide is pre-empted by depression, but there’s a large enough crossover that it seems sensible to put that article here, for anyone who might find it of use, or even just of interest.
Now, onwards, to the specific, and very important, topic of suicide.
This should go without saying, but some of today’s content may be a little heavy.
We invite you to read it anyway if you’re able, because it’s important stuff that we all should know, and not talking about it is part of what allows it to kill people.
So, let’s take a deep breath, and read on…
The risk factors
Top risk factors for suicide include:
- Not talking about it
- Having access to a firearm
- Having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide
- A lack of social support
- Being male
- Being over 40
Now, some of these are interesting sociologically, but aren’t very useful practically; what a convenient world it’d be if we could all simply choose to be under 40, for instance.
Some serve as alarm bells, such as “having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide”.
If someone has a plan, that plan’s never going to disappear entirely, even if it’s set aside!
(this writer is deeply aware of the specifics of how she has wanted to end things before, and has used the advice she gives in this article herself numerous times. So far so good, still alive to write about it!)
Specific advices, therefore, include:
Talk about it / Listen
Depending on whether it’s you or someone else at risk:
- Talk about it, if it’s you
- Listen attentively, if it’s someone else
There are two main objections that you might have at this point, so let’s look at those:
“I have nobody to talk to”—it can certainly feel that way, sometimes, but you may be surprised who would listen if you gave them the chance. If you really can’t trust anyone around you, there are of course suicide hotlines (usually per area, so we’ll not try to list them here; a quick Internet search will get you what you need).
If you’re worried it’ll result in bad legal/social consequences, check their confidentiality policy first:
- Some hotlines can and will call the police, for instance.
- Others deliberately have a set-up whereby they couldn’t even trace the call if they wanted to.
- On the one hand, that means they can’t intervene
- On the other hand, that means they’re a resource for anyone who will only trust a listener who can’t intervene.
“But it is just a cry for help”—then that person deserves help. What some may call “attention-seeking” is, in effect, care-seeking. Listen, without judgement.
Remove access to firearms, if applicable and possible
Ideally, get rid of them (safely and responsibly, please).
If you can’t bring yourself to do that, make them as inconvenient to get at as possible. Stored securely at your local gun club is better than at home, for example.
If your/their plan isn’t firearm-related, but the thing in question can be similarly removed, remove it. You/they do not need that stockpile of pills, for instance.
And of course you/they could get more, but the point is to make it less frictionless. The more necessary stopping points between thinking “I should just kill myself” and being able to actually do it, the better.
Have/give social support
What do the following people have in common?
- A bullied teenager
- A divorced 40-something who just lost a job
- A lonely 70-something with no surviving family, and friends that are hard to visit
Often, at least, the answer is: the absence of a good social support network
So, it’s good to get one, and be part of some sort of community that’s meaningful to us. That could look different to a lot of people, for example:
- A church, or other religious community, if we be religious
- The LGBT+ community, or even just a part of it, if that fits for us
- Any mutual-support oriented, we-have-this-shared-experience community, could be anything from AA to the VA.
Some bonus ideas…
If you can’t live for love, living for spite might suffice. Outlive your enemies; don’t give them the satisfaction.
If you’re going to do it anyway, you might as well take the time to do some “bucket list” items first. After all, what do you have to lose? Feel free to add further bucket list items as they occur to you, of course. Because, why not? Before you know it, you’ve postponed your way into a rich and fulfilling life.
Finally, some gems from Matt Haig’s “The Comfort Book”:
- “The hardest question I have been asked is: “How do I stay alive for other people if I have no one?” The answer is that you stay alive for other versions of you. For the people you will meet, yes, but also the people you will be.”
- “Stay for the person you will become”
- “You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even decade”
- “It is better to let people down than to blow yourself up”
- “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up”
- “You are here. And that is enough.”
You can find Matt Haig’s excellent “The Comfort Book” on Amazon, as well as his more well-known book more specifically on the topic we’ve covered today, “Reasons To Stay Alive“.
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Mineral-Rich Mung Bean Pancakes
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Mung beans are rich in an assortment of minerals, especially iron, copper, phosphorus, and magnesium. They’re also full of protein and fiber! What better way to make pancakes healthy?
You will need
- ½ cup dried green mung beans
- ½ cup chopped fresh parsley
- ½ cup chopped fresh dill
- ¼ cup uncooked wholegrain rice
- ¼ cup nutritional yeast
- 1 tsp MSG, or 2 tsp low-sodium salt
- 2 green onions, finely sliced
- 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Soak the mung beans and rice together overnight.
2) Drain and rinse, and blend them in a blender with ¼ cup of water, to the consistency of regular pancake batter, adding more water (sparingly) if necessary.
3) Transfer to a bowl and add the rest of the ingredients except for the olive oil, which latter you can now heat in a skillet over a medium-high heat.
4) Add a few spoonfuls of batter to the pan, depending on how big you want the pancakes to be. Cook on both sides until you get a golden-brown crust, and repeat for the rest of the pancakes.
5) Serve! As these are savory pancakes, you might consider serving them with a little salad—tomatoes, olives, and cucumbers go especially well.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Why You’re Probably Not Getting Enough Fiber (And How To Fix It)
- What’s The Deal With MSG?
- All About Olive Oils: Is “Extra Virgin” Worth It?
Take care!
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Tips for Avoiding PFAs
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Hi, do you have anything helpful on avoiding PFAs?❞
PFAS, or perfluoroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances, are “forever chemicals” made specifically to avoid degradation of industrial and chemical products. Which is great for providing stain and water resistance, but not so great for our bodies or the environment.
To go into all the harms they cause would take a main feature (maybe we will, one of these days), but suffice it to say, they’re not good, and range from cancer and insulin resistance to hypertension and reduced immune response.
To answer your question in a nutshell, avoiding them completely would be almost impossible, but we can reduce our exposure a lot by avoiding single-use food/drink products that have been waterproofed, e.g. paper/bamboo straws, utensils, cups, dishes, take-out containers, etc.
Also, anything advertised as “stain-resistant” that you suspect should be quite stainable by nature, is probably good to avoid too.
For more detailed information than we have room for here today, here’s a helpful overview:
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How Ibogaine Can Beat Buprenorphine For Beating Addictions
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Questions?❞
It seems that this week, everyone was so satisfied with our information, that we received no questions! (If you sent one and we somehow missed it, please accept our apologies and do bring our attention to it)
However, we did receive some expert feedback that we wanted to share because it’s so informative:
❝I work at a detox rehab in Mexico, where we can use methods not legal in the United States. Therefore, while much of the linked articles had useful information, I’m in the “trenches” every day, and there’s some information I’d like to share that you may wish to share, with additional information:
- Buprenorphine is widely used and ineffective for addiction because it’s synthetic and has many adverse side effects. For heavy drug users it isn’t enough and they still hit the streets for more opioid, resulting in fentanyl deaths. Depending on length of usage and dose, it can take WEEKS to get off of, and it’s extremely difficult.
- Ibogaine is the medicine we use to detox people off opiates, alcohol, meth as well as my own specialty, bulimia. It’s psychoactive and it temporarily “resets” the brain to a pre-addictive state. Supplemented by behavior and lifestyle changes, as well as addressing the traumas that led to the addiction is extremely effective.
Our results are about 50%, meaning the client is free of the substance or behavior 1 year later. Ibogaine isn’t a “magic pill” or cure, it’s an opening tool that makes the difficult work of reclaiming one’s life easier.
Ibogaine is not something that should be done outside a medical setting. It requires an EKG to ensure the heart is healthy and doesn’t have prolonged QT intervals; also blood testing to ensure organs are functioning (especially the liver) and mineral levels such as magnetic and potassium are where they should be. It is important that this treatment be conducted by experienced doctors or practitioners, and monitoring vital signs constantly is imperative.
I’m taking time to compose this information because it needs to be shared that there is an option available most people have not heard about.❞
~ 10almonds reader (slightly edited for formatting and privacy)
Thank you for that! Definitely valuable information for people to know, and (if applicable for oneself or perhaps a loved one) ask about when it comes to local options.
We see it’s also being studied for its potential against other neurological conditions, too:
❝The combination of ibogaine and antidepressants produces a synergistic effect in reducing symptoms of psychiatric disorders such as bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, paranoia, anxiety, panic disorder, mania, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive–compulsive disorder. Though ibogaine and the antidepressant act in different pathways, together they provide highly efficient therapeutic responses compared to when each of the active agents is used alone.❞
Read more: Ibogaine and Their Analogs as Therapeutics for Neurological and Psychiatric Disorders
For those who missed it, today’s information about ibogaine was in response to our article:
Let’s Get Letting Go (Of These Three Things)
…which in turn referenced our previous main feature:
Which Addiction-Quitting Methods Work Best?
Take care!
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How to Eat 30 Plants a Week – by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
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If you’re used to eating the same two fruits and three vegetables in rotation, the “gold standard” evidence-based advice to “eat 30 different plants per week” can seem a little daunting.
Where this book excels is in reminding the reader to use a lot of diverse plants that are readily available in any well-stocked supermarket, but often get forgotten just because “we don’t buy that”, so it becomes invisible on the shelf.
It’s not just a recipe book (though yes, there are plenty of recipes here); it’s also advice about stocking up and maintaining that stock, advice on reframing certain choices to inject a little diversity into every meal without it become onerous, meal-planning rotation advice, and a lot of recipes that are easy but plant-rich, for example “this soup that has these six plants in it”, etc.
He also gives, for those eager to get started, “10 x 3 recipes per week to guarantee your 30”, in other words, 10 sets of 3 recipes, wherein each set of 3 recipes uses >30 different plants between them, such that if we have each of these set-of-three meals over the course of the week, then what we do in the other 4–18 meals (depending on how many meals per day you like to have) is all just a bonus.
The latter is what makes this book an incredibly stress-free approach to more plant-diverse eating for life.
Bottom line: if you want to be able to answer “do you get your five-a-day?” with “you mean breakfast?” because you’ve already hit five by breakfast each day, then this is the book for you.
Click here to check out How To Eat 30 Plants A Week, and indeed eat 30+ different plants per week!
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Spiced Fruit & Nut Chutney
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‘Tis the season to make the chutney that will then be aged chutney when you want it later! And unlike supermarket varieties with their ingredients list that goes “Sugar, spirit vinegar, inverted glucose-fructose syrup,” this one has an array of health-giving fruits and nuts (just omit the nuts if you or someone you may want to give this to has an allergy), and really nothing bad in here at all. And of course, tasty healthful spices!
You will need
- 2 red onions, chopped
- 1½ cups dried apricots, chopped
- 1½ cups dried figs, chopped
- 1 cup raisins
- ½ cup apple cider vinegar
- ½ cup slivered almonds
- ½ lime, chopped and deseeded
- ¼ bulb garlic, chopped
- 1 hot pepper, chopped (your choice what kind; omit if you don’t like heat at all; multiply if you want more heat)
- 2 tablespoons honey or maple syrup (omit for a less sweet chutney; there is sweetness in the dried fruits already, after all)
- 1 tbsp freshly grated ginger
- 2 tsp sweet cinnamon
- 1 tsp nutmeg
- 1 tsp black pepper
- ½ teaspoon allspice
- ½ MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
- Extra virgin olive oil
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Heat some oil in a heavy-based pan that will be large enough for all ingredients to go into eventually. Fry the onions on a gentle heat for around 15 minutes. We don’t need to caramelize them yet (this will happen with time), but we do want them soft and sweet already.
2) Add the ginger, garlic, and chili, and stir in well.
3) When the onions start to brown, add the fruit and stir well to mix thoroughly.
4) Add the honey or maple syrup (if using), and the vinegar; add the remaining spices/seasonings, so everything is in there now except the almonds.
5) Cook gently for another 30 minutes while stirring. At some point it’ll become thick and sticky; add a little water as necessary. You don’t want to drown it, but you do want it to stay moist. It’ll probably take only a few tablespoons of added water in total, but add them one at a time and stir in before judging whether more is needed. By the end of the 30 minutes, it should be more solid, to the point it can stand up by itself.
6) Add the almonds, stir to combine, and leave to cool. Put it in jars until you need it (or perhaps give it as gifts).
Alternative method: if you don’t want to be standing at a stove stirring for about an hour in total, you can use a slow cooker / crock pot instead. Put the same ingredients in the same order, but don’t stir them, just leave them in layers (this is because of the pattern of heat distribution; it’ll be hotter at the bottom, so the things that need to be more cooked should be there, and the design means they won’t burn) for about two hours, then stir well to mix thoroughly, and leave it for another hour or two, before turning it off to let it cool. Put it in jars until you need it (or perhaps give it as gifts).
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Top 8 Fruits That Prevent & Kill Cancer ← figs and apricots appear here
- Apricots vs Peaches – Which is Healthier? ← have a guess
- Almonds vs Walnuts – Which is Healthier? ← almonds won, but walnuts were close and would also work in this recipe
- Pistachios vs Almonds – Which is Healthier? ← almonds won, but pistachios were close and would also work in this recipe
- Our Top 5 Spices: How Much Is Enough For Benefits? ← we scored 4/5 today!
Take care!
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The Mindgym: Wake Your Mind Up – by Dr. Sebastian Bailey and Octavius Black
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Since this reviewer got her copy, the subtitle and marketing of the book have changed, but the content has not. It’s now being marketed as “achieve more by thinking differently” like a pop-psychology business book. But it’s not that. What, then, is it?
It’s 20 chapters of exercises for different kinds of thinking. And yes, the exercises will help those hungry 25–35-year-old MBAs too, but it’s more of a complete how-to-think overhaul.
Its exercises cover psychology and philosophy, creativity and communication, logic and relaxation, cognition and motivation, and lots more.
The style of the book is that of a workbook, and as such, it’s very clearly laid-out; one can go through them methodically, or get an overview and then dive in to whatever one wants/needs most at the moment.
Bottom line: if you’d like a book that’s a one-stop shop for honing many different kinds of thinking, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out The Mindgym, and get training yours!
Don’t Forget…
Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!
Learn to Age Gracefully
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