Take Care Of Your “Unwanted” Parts Too!

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Meet The Family…

If you’ve heard talk of “healing your inner child” or similar ideas, then today’s featured type of therapy takes that to several extra levels, in a way that helps many people.

It’s called Internal Family Systems therapy, often “IFS” for short.

Here’s a quick overview:

Psychology Today | Internal Family Systems Therapy

Note: if you are delusional, paranoid, schizophrenic, or have some other related disorder*, then IFS would probably be a bad idea for you as it could worsen your symptoms, and/or play into them badly.

*but bipolar disorder, in its various forms, is not usually a problem for IFS. Do check with your own relevant healthcare provider(s), of course, to be sure.

What is IFS?

The main premise of IFS is that your “self” can be modelled as a system, and its constituent parts can be examined, questioned, given what they need, and integrated into a healthy whole.

For example…

  • Exile is the name given to parts that could be, for example, the “inner child” referenced in a lot of pop-psychology, but it could also be some other ignored and pushed-down part of oneself, often from some kind of trauma. The defining characteristic of an exile is that it’s a part of ourself that we don’t consciously allow ourselves to see as a current part of ourself.
  • Protector is the name given to a part of us that looks to keep us safe, and can do this in an adaptive (healthy) or maladaptive (unhealthy) way, for example:
    • Firefighter is the name given to a part of us that will do whatever is necessary in the moment to deal with an exile that is otherwise coming to the surface—sometimes with drastic actions/reactions that may not be great for us.
    • Manager is the name given to a part of us that has a more nurturing protective role, keeping us from harm in what’s often a more prophylactic manner.

To give a simple illustration…

A person was criticized a lot as a child, told she was useless, and treated as a disappointment. Consequently, as an adult she now has an exile “the useless child”, something she strives to leave well behind in her past, because it was a painful experience for her. However, sometimes when someone questions and/or advises her, she will get defensive as her firefighter “the hero” will vigorously speak up for her competence, like nobody did when she was a child. This vigor, however, manifests as rude abrasiveness and overcompensation. Finally, she has a manager, “the advocate”, who will do the same job, but in a more quietly confident fashion.

This person’s therapy will look at transferring the protector job from the firefighter to the manager, which will involve examining, questioning, and addressing all three parts.

The above example is fictional and created for simplicity and clarity; here’s a real-world case study if you’d like a more in-depth overview of how it can work:

American Journal of Psychotherapy | The Teenager’s Confession: Regulating Shame in Internal Family Systems Therapy

How it all fits together in practice

IFS looks to make sure all the parts’ needs are met, even the “bad” ones, because they all have their functions.

Good IFS therapy, however, can make sure a part is heard, and then reassure that part in a way that effectively allows that part to “retire”, safe and secure in the knowledge that it has done what it needed to, and/or the job is being done by another part now.

That can involve, for example, thanking the firefighter for looking after our exile for all these years, but that our exile is safe and in good hands now, so it can put that fire-axe away.

See also: On Being Reactive vs Being Responsive

Questions you might ask yourself

While IFS therapy is best given by a skilled practitioner, we can take some of the ideas of it for self-therapy too. For example…

  • What is a secret about yourself that you will take to the grave? And now, why did that part of you (now an exile) come to exist?
  • What does that exile need, that it didn’t get? What parts of us try to give it that nowadays?
  • What could we do, with all that information in mind, to assign the “protection” job to the part of us best-suited to healthy integration?

Want to know more?

We’ve only had the space of a small article to give a brief introduction to Family Systems therapy, so check out the “resources” tab at:

IFS Institute | What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

Take care!

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Recommended

  • How To Avoid Slipping Into (Bad) Old Habits
  • Unbroken – by Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald
    Unbroken offers a fresh neurobiological perspective on trauma, providing personalized tools for healing multiple traumas. A must-read for those seeking new approaches.

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  • What Mattress Is Best, By Science?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The Foundations of Good Sleep

    You probably know the importance of good sleep for good health. If not, here’s a quick refresher:

    You should also definitely check out this quite famous book on the topic:

    Why We Sleep – by Dr Matthew Walker

    What helps, to get that good sleep

    We’ve covered this a little before too, for example:

    How to level-up from there

    One of the biggest barriers to good sleep for many people is obstructive sleep apea:

    Healthier, Natural Sleep Without Obstruction!

    We covered (in the above article) a whole lot of ways of mitigating/managing obstructive sleep apnea. One of the things we mentioned as beneficial was avoiding sleeping on one’s back, and this is something Mayo Clinic’s Dr. Somers agreed with:

    Back Sleeping, And Sleeping Differently After 50

    “But side-sleeping is uncomfortable”

    If this is you, then chances are you have the wrong mattress.

    If your mattress is too firm, you can get around it by using this “five pillow” method:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically

    If your mattress is too soft, then sorry, you really just have to throw that thing out and start again.

    The Goldilocks mattress

    While different people will have different subjective preferences, the science is quite clear on what is actually best for people’s spines. As this review of 39 qualified scholarly articles concluded:

    ❝Results of this systematic review show that a medium-firm mattress promotes comfort, sleep quality and rachis alignment❞

    ~ Dr. Gianfilippo Caggiari et al.

    Read in full: What type of mattress should be chosen to avoid back pain and improve sleep quality? Review of the literature

    Note: to achieve “medium-firm” that remains “medium firm” has generally been assumed to require a memory-foam mattress.

    How memory-foam works: memory-foam is a moderately thermosoftening material, designed to slightly soften at the touch of human body temperature, and be firmer at room temperature. This will result in it molding itself to the form of a human body, providing what amounts to personalized support for your personal shape and size, meaning your spine can stay exactly as it’s supposed to when you’re sleeping on your side, instead of (for example) your hips being wider meaning that your lumbar vertebrae are raised higher than your thoracic vertebrae, giving you the equivalent of a special nocturnal scoliosis.

    It will, therefore, stop working if

    • the ambient temperature is comparable to human body temperature (as happens in some places sometimes, and increasingly often these days)
    • you die, and thus lose your body temperature (but in that case, your spinal alignment will be the least of your concerns)

    Here’s a good explanation of the mechanics of memory foam from the Sleep Foundation:

    Sleep Foundation | What is Memory Foam?

    An alternative to memory foam?

    If you don’t like memory foam (one criticism is that it doesn’t allow good ventilation underneath the body), there is an alterative, the grid mattress.

    It’s very much “the new kid on the block” and the science is young for this, but for example this recent (April 2024) study that concluded:

    ❝The grid mattress is a simple, noninvasive, and nonpharmacological intervention that improved adults sleep quality and health. Controlled trials are encouraged to examine the effects of this mattress in a variety of populations and environments.❞

    ~ Dr. Heather Hausenblas et al.

    Read in full: Effectiveness of a grid mattress on adults’ sleep quality and health: A quasi-experimental intervention study

    However, that was a small (n=39) uncontrolled (i.e. there was no control group) study, and the conflict of interest statement is, well, interesting:

    ❝Heather A. Hausenblas, Stephanie L. Hooper, Martin Barragan, and Tarah Lynch declare no conflict of interest. Michael Breus served as a former consultant for Purple, LLC.❞

    ~ Ibid.

    …which is a fabulous way of distracting from the mention in the “Acknowledgements” section to follow, that…

    ❝Purple, LLC, provided financial support for the study❞

    ~ Ibid.

    Purple is the company that invented the mattress being tested. So while this doesn’t mean the study is necessarily dishonest and/or corrupt, it does at the very least raise a red flag for a potential instance of publication bias (because Purple may have funded multiple studies and then pulled funding of the ones that weren’t going their way).

    If you are interested in Purple’s mattress and how it works, you can check it out herethis is a link for your interest and information; not an advertisement or an endorsement. We look forward to seeing more science for this though, and echo their own call for randomized controlled trials!

    Summary

    Sleep is important, and while it’s a popular myth that we need less as we get older, the truth is that we merely get less on average, while still needing the same amount.

    A medium-firm memory-foam mattress is a very good, well-evidenced way to support that (both figuratively and literally!).

    A grid mattress is an interesting innovation, and/but we’d like to see more science for it.

    Take care!

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  • Why Some People Get Sick More (And How To Not Be One Of Them)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Some people have never yet had COVID (so far so good, this writer included); others are on their third bout already; others have not been so lucky and are no longer with us to share their stories.

    Obviously, even the healthiest and/or most careful person can get sick, and it would be folly to be complacent and think “I’m not a person who gets sick; that happens to other people”.

    Nor is COVID the only thing out there to worry about; there’s always the latest outbreak-du-jour of something, and there are always the perennials such as cold and flu—which are also not to be underestimated, because both weaken us to other things, and flu has killed very many, from the 50,000,000+ in the 1918 pandemic, to the 700,000ish that it kills each year nowadays.

    And then there are the combination viruses:

    Move over, COVID and Flu! We Have “Hybrid Viruses” To Contend With Now

    So, why are some people more susceptible?

    Firstly, some people are simply immunocompromised. This means for example that:

    • perhaps they have an inflammatory/autoimmune disease of some kind (e.g. lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, type 1 diabetes), or…
    • perhaps they are taking immunosuppressants for some reason (e.g. because they had an organ transplant), or…
    • perhaps they have a primary infection that leaves them vulnerable to secondary infections. Most infections will do this to some degree or another, but some are worse for it than others; untreated HIV is a clear example. The HIV itself may not kill people, but (if untreated) the resultant AIDS will leave a person open to being killed by almost any passing opportunistic pathogen. Pneumonia of various kinds being high on the list, but it could even be something as simple as the common cold, without a working immune system to fight it.

    See also: How To Prevent (Or Reduce) Inflammation

    And for that matter, since pneumonia is a very common last-nail-in-the-coffin secondary infection (especially: older people going into hospital with one thing, getting a secondary infection and ultimately dying as a result), it’s particularly important to avoid that, so…

    See also: Pneumonia: What We Can & Can’t Do About It

    Secondly, some people are not immunocompromised per the usual definition of the word, but their immune system is, arguably, compromised.

    Cortisol, the stress hormone, is an immunosuppressant. We need cortisol to live, but we only need it in small bursts here and there (such as when we are waking up the morning). When high cortisol levels become chronic, so too does cortisol’s immunosuppressant effect.

    Top things that cause elevated cortisol levels include:

    • Stress
    • Alcohol
    • Smoking

    Thus, the keys here are to 1) not smoke 2) not drink, ideally, or at least keep consumption low, but honestly even one drink will elevate cortisol levels, so it’s better not to, and 3) manage stress.

    See also: Lower Your Cortisol! (Here’s Why & How)

    Other modifiable factors

    Being aware of infection risk and taking steps to reduce it (e.g. avoiding being with many people in confined indoor places, masking as appropriate, handwashing frequently) is a good preventative strategy, along with of course getting any recommended vaccines as they come available.

    What if they fail? How can we boost the immune system?

    We talked about not sabotaging the immune system, but what about actively boosting it? The answer is yes, we certainly can (barring serious medical reasons why not), as there are some very important lifestyle factors too:

    Beyond Supplements: The Real Immune-Boosters!

    One final last-line thing…

    Since if we do get an infection, it’s better to know sooner rather than later… A recent study shows that wearable activity trackers can (if we pay attention to the right things) help predict disease, including highlighting COVID status (positive or negative) about as accurately (88% accuracy) as rapid screening tests. Here’s a pop-science article about it:

    Wearable activity trackers show promise in detecting early signals of disease

    Take care!

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  • Planning Festivities Your Body Won’t Regret

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The Festive Dilemma

    For many, Christmas is approaching. Other holidays abound too, and even for the non-observant, it’d be hard to escape seasonal jollities entirely.

    So, what’s the plan?

    1. Eat, drink, and be merry, and have New Year’s Resolutions for the first few days of January before collapsing in a heap?
    2. Approach the Yuletide with Spartan abstemiousness and miss all the fun while simultaneously annoying your relatives?

    Let’s try to find a third approach instead…

    What’s festive and healthy?

    We’re doing this article this week, because many people will be shopping already, making plans, and so forth. So here are some things to bear in mind:

    Make your own mindful choices

    Coca-Cola company really did a number on Christmas, but it doesn’t mean their product is truly integral to the season. Same goes for many other things that flood the stores around this time of year. So much sugary confectionary! But remember, they’re not the boss of you. If you wouldn’t buy it ordinarily, why are you buying it now? Do you actually even want it?

    If you really do, then you do you, but mindful choices will invariably be healthier than “because there were three additional aisles of confectionary now so I stopped and looked and picked some things”.

    Pick your battles

    If you’re having a big family gathering, likely there will be occasions with few healthy options available. But you can decide what’s most important for you to avoid, perhaps picking a theme, e.g:

    • No alcohol this year, or
    • No processed sugary foods, or
    • Eat/drink whatever, but practice intermittent fasting

    Some resources:

    Fight inflammation

    This is a big one so it deserves its own category. In the season of sugar and alcohol and fatty meat, inflammation can be a big problem to come around and bite us in the behind. We’ve written on this previously:

    Keep Inflammation At Bay

    Positive dieting

    In other words, less of a focus on what to exclude, and more of a focus on what to include in your diet. Fruity drinks and sweets are common at this time of year, but you know what’s also fruity? Fruit!

    And it can be festive, too! Berries are great, and those tiny orange-like fruits that may be called clementines or tangerines or satsumas or, as Aldi would have it, “easy peelers”. Apple and cinnamon are also a great combination that both bring sweetness without needing added sugar.

    And as for mains? Make your salads that bit fancier, get plenty of greens with your main, have hearty soups and strews with lentils and beams!

    See also: Level-Up Your Fiber Intake! (Without Difficulty Or Discomfort)

    Your gut will thank us later!

    Get moving!

    That doesn’t mean you have to beat the New Year rush to the gym (unless you want to!). But it could mean, for example, more time in your walking shoes (or dancing shoes! With a nod to today’s sponsor) and less time in the armchair.

    See also: The doctor who wants us to exercise less; move more

    Lastly…

    Remember it’s supposed to be fun! And being healthy can be a lot more fun than suffering because of unfortunate choices that we come to regret.

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • How To Avoid Slipping Into (Bad) Old Habits
  • The Silent Struggle – by L. William Ross-Child, MLC

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The vast majority of literature out there about ADHD is about children. And fair enough, there are enough popular misunderstandings of ADHD in children so it’s good those works exist… but what about adults?

    Adults face different challenges than children, and have different responsibilities. People have different expectations. And even if you say you have ADHD… If you’re not behaving like a squirrel, they will often not accept this, much less understand it, because half the actual symptoms are not what most people think they are.

    Ross-Child first lays out the neurobiological underpinnings of ADHD. This is a good place to start, because the physiology of it explains a lot of the other parts of it that can otherwise seem quite mystifying.

    Thereafter, he looks one-by-one at the various cognitive and behavioral aspects of ADHD in adults, which will surely help the reader to better understand themself (or perhaps a loved one).

    The next part of the book is given over to an exploration of ADHD and the differences it can make in the workplace, relationships (incl. ADHD and sex), as well as parenting, and how these things can all be navigated better by all concerned.

    The style throughout is light and very readable, peppered with science made comprehensible. If there’s any flaw, it’s that there are only two pages of references in the bibliography—we’d have liked to have seen more.

    All in all though, a really useful guide if you or a loved one has ADHD and you’d like strategies for working with (or around) this condition in a world not made to be kind to such.

    Order your copy of “The Silent Struggle: Taking Charge of ADHD in Adults” from Amazon today!

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  • Military Secrets (Ssh!)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Can you keep a secret?

    When actor Christopher Lee was asked about his time as a British special forces operative, he would look furtively around, and ask “can you keep a secret?” Upon getting a yes, he would reply:

    “So can I”

    We can’t, though! We just can’t help sharing cool, useful information that changes people’s lives. Never is that more critical than now, as the end of January has been called the most depressing time of year, according to Dr. Cliff Arnall at the University of Cardiff. It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom, though:

    Today we’re going to share a trick… It’s called the “secret of eternal happiness” (yes, we know… we didn’t come up with the name!) and is taught to soldiers to fend off the worst kinds of despair.

    The soldiers would be ordered to take a moment to reflect on the sheer helplessness of their situation, the ridiculous impossibility of the odds against them, all and any physical pain they might suffer, the weakness of their faltering body… and just when everything feels as bad is it can possibly feel, they’re told to say out loud—as sadly as possible—this single word:

    “Boop”

    It all but guarantees to result in cracking a smile, no matter the situation.

    Now this knowledge is yours too! Keep it secret! Or don’t. Sharing is caring.

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Is TikTok right? Are there health benefits to eating sea moss?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Sea moss is the latest “superfood” wellness influencers are swearing by. They claim sea moss products – usually in gel form – have multiple health benefits. These include supporting brain and immune function, or protecting against viruses and other microbes.

    But do these health claims stack up? Let’s take a look.

    Plataresca/Shutterstock

    What is sea moss?

    Sea moss is produced using a kind of seaweed – particularly red algae – that grow in various locations all around the world. Three main species are used in sea moss products:

    • Chondrus crispus (known as Irish moss or carrageenan moss)
    • Eucheuma cottonii (sea moss or seabird’s nest)
    • Gracilaria (Irish moss or ogonori).

    Some products also contain the brown algae Fucus vesiculosus (commonly known as bladderwrack, black tang, rockweed, sea grapes, bladder fucus, sea oak, cut weed, dyers fucus, red fucus or rock wrack).

    Most sea moss products are sold as a gel that can be added to recipes, used in smoothies, frozen into ice cubes or eaten on its own. The products also come in capsule form or can be purchased “raw” and used to make your own gels at home.

    A clump of red algae on wet sand and white pebbles.
    Several kinds of red algae are used in commercially-available sea moss products. Nancy Ann Bowe/Shutterstock

    What’s the evidence?

    Sea moss products claim a host of potential health benefits, from supporting immunity, to promoting skin health and enhancing mood and focus, among many others.

    But is there any evidence supporting these claims?

    Recent studies have reviewed the biological properties of the main sea moss species (Chondrus crispus, Eucheuma cottonii, Gracilaria and Fucus vesiculosus).

    They suggest these species may have anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, anticancer, antidiabetic and probiotic properties.

    However, the vast majority of research relating to Chondrus crispus, Gracilaria and Fucus vesiculosus – and all of the research on Eucheuma cottonii – comes from studies done in test tubes or using cell and animal models. We should not assume the health effects seen would be the same in humans.

    In cell and animal studies, researchers usually administer algae in a laboratory and use specific extracts rich in bioactive compounds rather than commercially available sea moss products.

    They also use very different – often relatively larger – amounts compared to what someone would typically consume when they eat sea moss products.

    This means the existing studies can’t tell us about the human body’s processes when eating and digesting sea moss.

    Sea moss may have similar effects in humans. But so far there is very little evidence people who consume sea moss will experience any of the claimed health benefits.

    Nutritional value

    Eating sea moss does not replace the need for a balanced diet, including a variety of fruits and vegetables.

    Chondrus crispus, Eucheuma cottonii and Gracilaria, like many seaweeds, are rich sources of nutrients such as fatty acids, amino acids, vitamin C and minerals. These nutrients are also likely to be present in sea moss, although some may be lost during the preparation of the product (for example, soaking may reduce vitamin C content), and those that remain could be present in relatively low quantities.

    There are claims that sea moss may be harmful for people with thyroid problems. This relates to the relationship between thyroid function and iodine. The algae used to make sea moss are notable sources of iodine and excess iodine intake can contribute to thyroid problems, particularly for people with pre-existing conditions. That is why these products often carry disclaimers related to iodine sensitivity or thyroid health.

    Is it worth it?

    So you may be wondering if it’s worth trying sea moss. Here are a few things to consider before you decide whether to start scooping sea moss into your smoothies.

    A 375mL jar costs around $A25–$30 and lasts about seven to ten days, if you follow the recommended serving suggestion of two tablespoons per day. This makes it a relatively expensive source of nutrients.

    Two glass jars filled with dark pink gel.
    Sea moss is commonly sold as a gel that can be eaten on a kitchen bench. April Sims/Shutterstock

    Sea moss is often hyped for containing 92 different minerals. While there may be 92 minerals present, the amount of minerals in the algae will vary depending on growing location and conditions.

    The efficiency with which minerals from algae can be absorbed and used by the body also varies for different minerals. For example, sodium is absorbed well, while only about 50% of iodine is absorbed.

    But sea moss has also been shown to contain lead, mercury and other heavy metals – as well as radioactive elements (such as radon) that can be harmful to humans. Seaweeds are known for their ability to accumulate minerals from their environment, regardless of whether these are beneficial or harmful for human nutrition. Remember, more doesn’t always mean better.

    What else am I eating?

    While you won’t get a full nutritional breakdown on the jar, it is always wise to check what other ingredients you may be eating. Sea moss products can contain a range of other ingredients, such as lime, monk fruit powder, spirulina and ginger, among many others.

    These ingredients differ between brands and products, so be aware of your needs and always check.

    Despite their health claims, most sea moss products also carry disclaimers indicating that the products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

    If you have concerns about your health, always speak to a health professional for accurate and personalised medical advice.

    Margaret Murray, Senior Lecturer, Nutrition, Swinburne University of Technology

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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