Parent Effectiveness Training – by Dr. Thomas Gordon
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Do you want your home (or workplace, for that matter) to be a place of peace? This book literally got the author nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Can’t really get much higher praise than that.
The title is “Parent Effectiveness Training”, but in reality, the advice in the book is applicable to all manner of relationships, including:
- romantic relationships
- friends
- colleagues
- …and really any human interaction.
It covers some of the same topics we did today (and more) in much more detail than we ever could in a newsletter. It lays out formulae to use, gives plenty of examples, and/but is free from undue padding.
- Pros: this isn’t one of those “should have been an article” books. It has so much valuable content.
- Cons: It is from the 1970s* so examples may feel “dated” now.
In addition to going into much more detail on some of the topics covered in today’s issue of 10almonds, Dr. Gordon also talks in-depth about the concept of “problem-ownership”.
In a nutshell, that means: whose problem is a given thing? Who “has” what problem? Everyone needs to be on the same page about everyone else’s problems in the situation… as well as their own, which is not always a given!
Dr. Gordon presents, in short, tools not just to resolve conflict, but also to pre-empt it entirely. With these techniques, we can identify and deal with problems (together!) well before they arise.
Everybody wins.
Get your copy of “Parent Effectiveness Training” from Amazon today!
*Note: There is an updated edition on the market, and that’s what you’ll find upon following the above link. This reviewer (hi!) has a battered old paperback from the 1970s and cannot speak for what was changed in the new edition. However: if the 70s one is worth more than its weight in gold (and it is), the new edition is surely just as good, if not better!
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Head Over Hips
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We’ve written before about managing osteoarthritis (or ideally: avoiding it, but that’s not always an option on the table, of course), so here’s a primer/refresher before we get into the meat of today’s article:
Avoiding/Managing Osteoarthritis
When the head gets in the way
Research shows that the problem with recovery in cases of osteoarthritis of the hip is in fact often not the hip itself, but rather, the head:
❝In fact, the stronger your muscles are, the more protected your joint is, and the less pain you will experience.
Our research has shown that people with hip osteoarthritis were unable to activate their muscles as efficiently, irrespective of strength.
Basically, people with hip arthritis are unable to activate their muscles properly because the brain is actively putting on the brake to stop them from using the muscle.❞
This is a case of a short-term protective response being unhelpful in the long-term. If you injure yourself, your brain will try to inhibit you from exacerbating that injury, such as by (for example) disobliging you from putting weight on an injured joint.
This is great if you merely twisted an ankle and just need to sit back and relax while your body works its healing magic, but it’s counterproductive if it’s a chronic issue like osteoarthritis. In such (i.e. chronic) cases, avoidance of use of the joint will simply cause atrophy of the surrounding muscle and other tissues, leading to more of the very wear-and-tear that led to the osteoarthritis in the first place.
So… How to deal with that?
You probably can exercise
It’s easy to get caught between the dichotomy of “exercise and inflame your joints” vs “rest and your joints seize up”, which is not pleasant.
However, the trick lies in how you exercise, per joint type:
When Bad Joints Stop You From Exercising (5 Things To Change)
…which to be clear, isn’t a case of “avoid using the joint that’s bad”, but is rather “use it in this specific way, so that it gets stronger without doing it more damage in the process”.
Which is exactly what is needed!
Further resources
For those who like learning from short videos, here’s a trio of helpers (along with our own text-based overview for each):
- The Most Underrated Hip Mobility Exercise (Not Stretching)
- Overcome Front-Of-Hip Pain
- 10 Tips To Reduce Morning Pain & Stiffness With Arthritis
And for those who prefer just reading, here’s a book we reviewed on the topic:
11 Minutes to Pain-Free Hips – by Melinda Wright
Take care!
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The Real Reason Most Women Don’t Lose Belly Fat
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Notwithstanding the title, this does also go for men too, by the way—while hormones count, they count differently. People with an estrogen-based metabolism (so usually: women) will usually have more body fat, which can make it harder to get visible muscletone, for those who want that. But people with a testosterone-based metabolism (so usually: men) will have different fat storage patterns, and belly-fat is more testosterone-directed than estrogen-directed (estrogen will tend to put it more to the thighs, butt, back, breasts, etc).
So the advice here is applicable to all…
Challenges and methods
The biggest barrier to success: many people give up when results are not immediate, especially if our body has been a certain way without change for a long time.
- “Oh, I guess it’s just genetics”
- “Oh, I guess it’s just age”
- “Oh, I guess it’s just because of [chronic condition]”
…and such things can be true! And yet, in each of the cases, persisting is still usually what the body needs.
So, should we give ourselves some “tough love” and force ourselves through discomfort?
Yes and no, Lefkowith says. It is important to be able to push through some discomfort, but it’s also important that whatever we’re doing should be sustainable—which means we do need to push, while also allowing ourselves adequate recovery time, and not taking unnecessary risks.
In particular, she advises to:
- remember that at least half the work is in the kitchen not the gym, and to focus more on adding protein than reducing calories
- enjoy a regular but varied core exercise routine
- stimulate blood flow to stubborn areas, which can aid in fat mobilization
- focus on getting nutrient-dense foods
- prioritize recovery and strategic rest
For more details on these things and more, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Visceral Belly Fat: What It Is & How To Lose It
Take care!
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Cucumber Canapés-Crudités
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It’s time to party with these delicious snacks, which are great as an hors d’œuvre, amuse-bouche, or part of a buffet. And like all our offerings, they’re very healthy too—in this case, especially for the gut and heart!
You will need
- 1 cucumber, sliced
- 1 cup pitted Kalamata olives (or other black olives)
- 1 cup sun-dried tomatoes
- 2 oz feta cheese (or vegan equivalent, or pine nuts)
- 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
- 1 tbsp fresh basil, chopped
- 2 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Make the first topping by combining the olives, half the olive oil, and half the black pepper, into a food processor and blending until it is a coarse pâté.
2) Make the second topping by doing the same with the tomatoes, basil, feta cheese (or substitution), and the other half of the olive oil and black pepper, again until it is a coarse pâté.
3) Assemble the canapés-crudités by topping the cucumber slices alternately with the two toppings, and serve:
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Making Friends With Your Gut (You Can Thank Us Later)
- Cucumber Extract Beats Glucosamine & Chondroitin… At 1/135th Of The Dose?! ← yes, you can get this benefit by eating cucumber
- Black Olives vs Green Olives – Which is Healthier? ← have a guess!
- Lycopene’s Benefits For The Gut, Heart, Brain, & More ← tomatoes are very rich in lycopene
- Herbs for Evidence-Based Health & Healing ←Basil features here
- Black Pepper’s Impressive Anti-Cancer Arsenal (And More)
Take care!
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Beyond Balancing The Books – by George Marino, CPA, CFP
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
We hear a lot about the importance of mindfulness, yet how can Zen-like non-attachment to the material world go well with actually surviving (let alone thriving) in a Capitalist society?
Books that try to connect the two often end up botching it badly to the level of early 2000s motivational posters.
So, what does this book do differently? Mostly it’s because rather than a motivational speech with exhortations to operate on a higher plain and manifest your destiny and all that, it gives practical, down-to-earth advice and offers small simple things you can do or change to mindfully engage with the world of business rather than operating on auto-pilot.
Basically: how to cut out the stress without cutting out your performance.
All in all, we think both your health and your productivity will thank you for it!
Take Your Business (and Brain) “Beyond Balancing The Books” Today
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How Healthy People Regulate Their Emotions
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Some people seem quite unflappable, while others are consistently on the edge of a breakdown or outburst. So, how does a person regulate emotions, without suppressing them?
Eight things mentally healthy people do
Doing these things is hardest when one is actually in a disrupted emotional state, so they are all good things to get in the habit of doing at all times:
- Recognize and label emotions: identify specific emotions like anxiety, excitement, frustration, and so forth. You can track them for better emotional management, but it suffices even to recognize in the moment such things as “ok, I’m feeling anxious” etc.
- Embrace self-awareness: acknowledge emotions without judgment, using mindfulness and meditation to enhance emotional awareness and reduce reactivity—view your emotions neutrally, with a detached curiosity.
- Reframe negative thoughts: use cognitive reappraisal to change your perspective on situations, viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth.
- Express emotions constructively: use outlets like writing, or talking to someone to process emotions, preventing emotional build-up. Creating expressive art can also help many.
- Seek social support: cultivate strong relationships that provide emotional support and perspective, helping to manage stress and emotions.
- Maintain physical health: exercise, sleep, and a balanced diet support emotional resilience by improving overall well-being and brain function. It’s harder to be in the best mental health if your body is collapsing from exhaustion.
- Use stress management techniques: practice deep breathing, meditation, or other (non-chemical) relaxation methods to reduce stress and calm the mind and body.
- Seek professional help when needed: when emotions become overwhelming, consider therapy to develop personalized coping mechanisms and emotional regulation strategies.
For more details on all of these, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
- How Are You, Really? (Alexithymia & Emotional Regulation)
- How To Manage Chronic Stress
- How To Set Anxiety Aside
- A Selection Of CBT & DBT Tools For Emotional Regulation
Take care!
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The Yoga of Breath – by Richard Rosen
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
You probably know to breathe through your nose, and to breathe with your diaphragm. But did you know you’re usually only breathing through one nostril at a time, and alternate between nostrils every few hours? And did you know how to breathe through both nostrils equally instead, and the benefits that can bring?
The above is one example of many, of things that make this book stand out from the crowd when it comes to breathing exercises. Author Richard Rosen has a deep expertise in this topic, and explains everything clearly and comprehensively, without leaving room for ambiguity.
While most of the book focuses on the mechanics and physical techniques of breathing, he does also cover some more mindstate-related things too—without which, it wouldn’t be yoga.
If the book has a downside, it’s that its comprehensive nature could be off-putting to readers new to breathing work in general. However, since he does explain everything from the ground up, that’s no reason to be put off this book, iff you’re serious about learning.
Bottom line: if you’d like a deeper understanding of breathwork than “breathe slowly through your nose, using your diaphragm”, this book will teach you depths of breathing you probably didn’t know were possible.
Click here to check out The Yoga of Breath, and catch yours!
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