How To Avoid Self-Hatred & Learn To Love Oneself More

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Alain de Botton gives a compassionate, but realistic, explanation in this video:

The enemy within

Or rather, the collaborator within. Because there’s usually first an enemy without—those who are critical of us, who consider that we are bad people in some fashion, and may indeed get quite colorful in their expressions of this.

Sometimes, their words will bounce straight off us; sometimes, their words will stick. So what’s the difference, and can we do anything about it?

The difference is: when their words stick, it’s usually because on some level we believe their words may be true. That doesn’t mean they necessarily are true!

They could be (and it would be a special kind of hubris to assume no detractor could ever find a valid criticism of us), but very often the reason we have that belief, or at least that fear/insecurity, is simply because it was taught to us at an early age, often by harsh words/actions of those around us; perhaps our parents, perhaps our schoolteachers, perhaps our classmates, and so forth.

The problem—and solution—is that we learn emotions much the same way that we learn language; only in part by reasoned thought, and rather for the most part, by immersion and repetition.

It can take a lot of conscious self-talk to undo the harm of decades of unconscious self-talk based on what was probably a few years of external criticisms when we were small and very impressionable… But, having missed the opportunity to start fixing this sooner, the next best time to do it is now.

We cannot, of course, simply do what a kind friend might do and expect any better results; if a kind friend tells us something nice that we do not believe is true, then however much they mean it, we’re not going to internalize it. So instead, we must simply chip away at those unhelpful longstanding counterproductive beliefs, and simply build up the habit of viewing ourselves in a kinder light.

For more on all this, enjoy:

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Want to learn more?

You might also like to read:

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  • Correct An Upper Spine Hump (Simple Stretch & Exercise)

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    Generally called a neck hump in this video, it can be in the cervical (neck) vertebrae or it can be in the thoracic (upper back) vertebrae. It’s also known as a dowager’s hump, buffalo hump, or kyphosis.

    However, it can be fixed:

    What to do

    First understand the cause: it generally comes from poor posture, especially from prolonged desk work or phone use.

    With that in mind…

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  • Natural Alternatives for Depression Treatment

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    Questions and Answers at 10almonds

    Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!

    This newsletter has been growing a lot lately, and so have the questions/requests, and we love that! In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    Natural alternatives to medication for depression?

    Great question! We did a mean feature a while back, but we definitely have much more to say! We’ll do another main feature soon, but in the meantime, here’s what we previously wrote:

    See: The Mental Health First-Aid That You’ll Hopefully Never Need

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  • Healthy Made Simple – by Ella Mills

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    Often, cookbooks leave a gap between “add the beans to the rice, then microwave” and “delicately embarrass the green-shooted scallions with assiduous garlic before adding to the matelote of orrazata flamed in Sapient Pear Brandy”. This book fills that gap:

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    The book offers 75 recipes that:

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    A strength of the book is that it’s based on practical, real-world cooking, and as such, there are sections such as “Prep-ahead [meals]”, and “cook once, eat twice”, etc.

    Just because one is cooking with simple fresh ingredients doesn’t mean that everything bought today must be used today!

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    Click here to check out Healthy Made Simple, enjoy the benefits to your health, the easy way!

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  • Spinach vs Kale – Which is Healthier?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Our Verdict

    When comparing spinach to kale, we picked the spinach.

    Why?

    In terms of macros, spinach and kale are very similar. They are mostly water wrapped in fiber, with very small amounts of carbohydrates and protein and trace amounts of fat.

    Spinach has a lot more vitamins and minerals—a wider variety, and in most cases, more of them.

    Kale is notably higher in vitamin C, though. Everything else, spinach is higher or close to equal.

    Spinach is especially notably a lot higher in B vitamins, as well as iron, calcium, magnesium, and zinc.

    One downside to spinach, though, which is that it’s high in oxalates, which can increase the risk of kidney stones. If your kidneys are in good health and you eat spinach in moderation, this is not a problem for most people—but if your kidneys aren’t in good health (or you are, for whatever reason, consuming Popeye levels of spinach), you might consider switching to kale.

    While spinach swept the board in most categories, kale remains a very good option too, and a diet diverse in many kinds of plants is usually best.

    Want to learn more?

    Spinach and kale are very both good sources of carotenoids; check out:

    Brain food? The Eyes Have It!

    Enjoy!

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  • Toothpastes & Mouthwashes: Which Help And Which Harm?

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    Toothpastes and mouthwashes: which kinds help, and which kinds harm?

    You almost certainly brush your teeth. You might use mouthwash. A lot of people floss for three weeks at a time, often in January.

    There are a lot of options for oral hygiene; variations of the above, and many alternatives too. This is a big topic, so rather than try to squeeze it all in one, this will be a several-part series.

    For today, let’s look at toothpastes and mouthwashes, to start!

    Toothpaste options

    Toothpastes may contain one, some, or all of the following, so here are some notes on those:

    Fluoride

    Most toothpastes contain fluoride; this is generally recognized as safe though is not without its controversies. The fluoride content is the reason it’s recommended not to swallow toothpaste, though.

    The fluoride in toothpaste can cause some small problems if overused; if you see unusually white patches on your teeth (your teeth are supposed to be ivory-colored, not truly white), that is probably a case of localized overcalcification because of the fluoride, and yes, you can have too much of a good thing.

    Overall, the benefits are considered to far outweigh the risks, though.

    Baking soda

    Whether by itself or as part of a toothpaste, baking soda is a safe and effective choice, not just for cosmetic purposes, but for boosting genuine oral hygiene too:

    Activated charcoal

    Activated charcoal is great at removing many chemicals from things it touches. That includes the kind you might see on your teeth in the form of stains.

    A topical aside on safety: activated charcoal is a common ingredient in a lot of black-colored Halloween-themed foods and drinks around this time of year. Beware, if you ingest these, there’s a good chance of it also cleaning out any meds you are taking. Ask your pharmacist about your own personal meds, but meds that (ingested) activated charcoal will usually remove include:

    • Oral HRT / contraceptives
    • Antidepressants (many kinds)
    • Heart medications (at least several major kinds)

    Toothpaste, assuming you are spitting-not-swallowing, won’t remove your medications though. Nor, in case you were worrying, will it strip tooth enamel, even if you have extant tooth enamel erosion:

    Source: Activated charcoal toothpastes do not increase erosive tooth wear

    However, it’s of no special extra help when it comes to oral hygiene itself, just removing stains.

    So, if you’d like to use it for cosmetic reasons, go right ahead. If not, no need.

    Hydrogen peroxide

    This is generally not a good idea, speaking for the health. For whitening, yes, it works. But for health, not so much:

    Hydrogen peroxide-based products alter inflammatory and tissue damage-related proteins in the gingival crevicular fluid of healthy volunteers: a randomized trial

    To be clear, when they say “alter”, they mean “in a bad way”. It increases inflammation and tissue damage.

    If buying commercially-available whitening toothpaste made with hydrogen peroxide, the academic answer is that it’s a lottery, because brands’ proprietorial compounding processes vary widely and constantly with little oversight and even less transparency:

    Is whitening toothpaste safe for dental health?: RDA-PE method

    Mouthwash options

    In the case of fluoride and hydrogen peroxide, the same advice (for and against) goes as per toothpaste.

    Alcohol

    There has been some concern about the potential carcinogenic effect of alcohol-based mouthwashes. According to the best current science, this one’s not an easy yes-or-no, but rather:

    • If there are no other cancer risk factors, it does not seem to increase cancer risk
    • If there are other cancer risk factors, it does make the risk worse

    Read more:

    Non-Alcohol

    Non-alcoholic mouthwashes are not without their concerns either. In this case, the potential problem is changing the oral microbiome (we are supposed to have one!), and specifically, that the spread of what it kills and what it doesn’t may result in an imbalance that causes a lowering of the pH of the mouth.

    Put differently: it makes your saliva more acidic.

    Needless to say, that can cause its own problems for teeth. The research on this is still emerging, with regard to whether the benefits outweigh the problems, but the fact that it has this effect seems to be a consensus. Here’s an example paper; there are others:

    Effects of Chlorhexidine mouthwash on the oral microbiome

    Flossing, scraping, and alternatives

    These are important (and varied, and interesting) enough to merit their own main feature, rather than squeezing them in at the end.

    So, watch this space for a main feature on these soon!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • The Bitter Truth About Coffee (or is it?)

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    The Bitter Truth About Coffee (or is it?)

    Yesterday, we asked you for your (health-related) views on coffee. The results were clear: if we assume the responses to be representative, we’re a large group of coffee-enthusiasts!

    One subscriber who voted for “Coffee is a healthy stimulant, hydrating, and full of antioxidants” wrote:

    ❝Not so sure about how hydrating it is! Like most food and drink, moderation is key. More than 2 or 3 cups make me buzz! Just too much.❞

    And that fine point brings us to our first potential myth:

    Coffee is dehydrating: True or False?

    False. With caveats…

    Coffee, in whatever form we drink it, is wet. This may not come as a startling revelation, but it’s an important starting point. It’s mostly water. Water itself is not dehydrating.

    Caffeine, however, is a diuretic—meaning you will tend to pee more. It achieves its diuretic effect by increasing blood flow to your kidneys, which prompts them to release more water through urination.

    See: Effect of caffeine on bladder function in patients with overactive bladder symptoms

    How much caffeine is required to have a diuretic effect? About 4.5 mg/kg.

    What this means in practical terms: if you weigh 70kg (a little over 150lbs), 4.5×70 gives us 315.

    315mg is about how much caffeine might be in six shots of espresso. We say “might” because while dosage calculations are an exact science, the actual amount in your shot of espresso can vary depending on many factors, including:

    • The kind of coffee bean
    • How and when it was roasted
    • How and when it was ground
    • The water used to make the espresso
    • The pressure and temperature of the water

    …and that’s all without looking at the most obvious factor: “is the coffee decaffeinated?”

    If it doesn’t contain caffeine, it’s not diuretic. Decaffeinated coffee does usually contain tiny amounts of caffeine still, but with nearer 3mg than 300mg, it’s orders of magnitude away from having a diuretic effect.

    If it does contain caffeine, then the next question becomes: “and how much water?”

    For example, an Americano (espresso, with hot water added to make it a long drink) will be more hydrating than a ristretto (espresso, stopped halfway through pushing, meaning it is shorter and stronger than a normal espresso).

    A subscriber who voted for “Coffee messes with sleep, creates dependency, is bad for the heart and gut, and is dehydrating too” wrote:

    ❝Coffee causes tachycardia for me so staying away is best. People with colon cancer are urged to stay away from coffee completely.❞

    These are great points! It brings us to our next potential myth:

    Coffee is bad for the heart: True or False?

    False… For most people.

    Some people, like our subscriber above, have an adverse reaction to caffeine, such as tachycardia. An important reason (beyond basic decency) for anyone providing coffee to honor requests for decaff.

    For most people, caffeine is “heart neutral”. It doesn’t provide direct benefits or cause direct harm, provided it is enjoyed in moderation.

    See also: Can you overdose on caffeine?

    Some quick extra notes…

    That’s all we have time for in myth-busting, but it’s worth noting before we close that coffee has a lot of health benefits; we didn’t cover them today because they’re not contentious, but they are interesting nevertheless:

    Enjoy!

    Don’t Forget…

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