Ghosted by a friend? 4 expert tips on how to handle the hurt
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When we talk about “ghosting”, we usually think it relates to dating. But what happens when you’ve been ghosted by someone you’ve known for years – your childhood best friend, a parent, a child?
These disappearances can be harder to explain, and even harder to heal from.
It’s also surprisingly common. For instance, one study showed 38.6% of people have been ghosted by a friend.
So why do people ghost those closest to them? What impact does it have on those left behind? How do you begin to move on?
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone abruptly, or gradually, cuts off all communication without explanation. Whether it’s a friend, family member or love interest, the signs are much the same – messages left on read or calls ignored. Sometimes you’re blocked.
Ghosting doesn’t just happen online. It can also play out in person, when someone deliberately ignores you – avoiding eye contact, refusing attempts to engage in conversation, pretending you’re not there.
Unlike relationships that gradually wither over time, or end abruptly after an argument, ghosting is a one-sided withdrawal from a relationship that happens without closure.
For the person left behind, it can feel like grief.
Why do people ghost family and friends?
People often ghost friends for the same reasons they ghost romantic partners.
Ghosting is more common – and considered more acceptable – in brief or casual romantic relationships or friendships. That’s when people may ghost because they lose interest, wish to avoid confrontation, or find it easier than facing the discomfort of ending things directly.
In longer-term relationships, ghosting may stem from incompatibility, be prompted by different priorities, physical distance, or growing apart over time.
Major life transitions – such as becoming a parent, entering the workforce, moving, or going through a divorce – can often provide the catalyst for someone to shrink their social network.
In some cases, ghosting is driven by self-preservation or concerns for personal safety, particularly when ghosting involves family members.
People report ghosting in response to toxic, emotionally draining, or abusive relationships, often when previous attempts to resolve issues were met with abuse or aggression. In such instances, ghosting isn’t so much an avoidance strategy, but a last resort to preserve someone’s safety and psychological wellbeing.
Ghosting has also been linked to certain personality traits. One study found people who reported ghosting others tended to score higher in narcissism (tend towards entitlement and lack of empathy) and borderline traits (so have trouble regulating emotions and are impulsive).
Why does it hurt so much?
People often ghost as they hope to spare the other person the pain of rejection. But that is rarely the case.
Being ghosted by someone you’ve been close to for a long time is often associated with grief, much like the death of the loved one. After the initial shock, there is often anger and sadness.
Ghosting also involves “ambiguous loss”. This ambiguity – the uncertainty and lack of closure – can almost freeze the grief process, making it particularly hard to move on.
In addition to grief-like emotions, ghosting is also often associated with self-blame, rumination, feelings of worthlessness, and trust issues that can affect how someone relates to others in the future.
How to cope if you’ve been ghosted
There’s no easy fix and you can’t force someone to communicate with you if they don’t want to. But research points to some strategies that may help you move on and ease the pain:
- Acknowledge your feelings. Grief-like emotions are a normal reaction to being ghosted. Accept your emotions and express them in healthy ways. This is better than suppressing them, which is linked to depression, low self-esteem and reduced wellbeing.
- Seek social support. Social support is linked to a range of mental health benefits. Talk about your experience with friends, family or a mental health professional. This can help reduce feeling of isolation, and low self-worth. Greater social support is also associated with post-traumatic growth – positive psychological change that can emerge after a challenging life event.
- Choose self-compassion over rumination. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of replaying what happened and wondering what went wrong. But this can prolong distress and make it harder to move on. Instead treat yourself as you would a close friend – with kindness, compassion and care. Self-compassion has been linked to reduced rumination, anxiety and depression. Exercise, mindfulness and spending time in nature are examples of self-care with similar psychological benefits.
- Create your own closure. Being ghosted can often leave you stuck in a cycle of uncertainty and unanswered questions. You may never get an explanation and waiting for answers will only make it harder to move on. Writing a letter you don’t send can help create closure. This form of expressive writing can help you articulate your thoughts and emotions and make sense of your experience – and is linked to a range of psychological benefits.
Megan Willis, Associate Professor, School of Behavioural and Health Sciences, Australian Catholic University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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What 47 Almonds Can Do For your Gut, Heart, Skin, & more
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Do you know why 10almonds is called 10almonds?
For those who don’t: it’s a reference to an old viral Facebook hoax, that claimed that eating 10 almonds was the equivalent of taking two aspirins, for the treatment of a headache.
Almonds do not, in fact, have any analgesic properties at all (and nor do they have antiplatelet activities either; the other main use of aspirin).
So, the name was chosen as a reminder to always ensure we back up our health claims with good science!
So, what’s the deal with 47 almonds?
Researchers (Dr. Laura Beaver et al.) did a 12-week clinical trial which found that eating 2 ounces of almonds daily improved health markers in people with metabolic syndrome.
On average, 1 oz of almonds is 23 almonds, so 2 oz is 46.5 almonds, so let’s round that up to 47 almonds.
The fact that almonds are healthy is not, in and of itself, breaking news. Almonds contain abundant nutrients including healthy fats, fiber, protein, high-quality carbs, vitamins, minerals, and plentiful polyphenols.
In terms of the study (a randomized controlled trial, in which the control group had a calorie-matched cracker snack), participants in the almond group enjoyed:
- Reduced total and LDL (“bad”) cholesterol
- Decreased waist circumference
- Signs of reduced gut inflammation
- Increased vitamin E levels (a powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory, of which most Americans do not get enough)
For those who like more detail:
❝Compared with participants consuming crackers, almond consumption resulted in lower plasma total and low-density lipoprotein-cholesterol concentrations, a modest improvement in waist circumference (week 4), and improved dietary intakes of α-tocopherol, soluble fiber, copper, biotin, magnesium, polyunsaturated fatty acids, and monounsaturated fatty acids.
Almond consumption raised plasma α-tocopherol concentrations (relative to cholesterol concentrations) and increased excretion of a vitamin E biomarker (α-CEHC).
Almond consumption improved biomarkers of gut barrier function and intestinal inflammation (fecal calprotectin, myeloperoxidase) in participants with elevated inflammation at baseline.❞
α-tocopherol = vitamin E
biotin = vitamin B7You can read the paper in full, here: Beneficial changes in total cholesterol, LDL-C, biomarkers of intestinal inflammation, and vitamin E status in adults with metabolic syndrome consuming almonds as snack foods: a randomized controlled clinical trial
Does 47 almonds seem like too many?
Here’s an older (but larger, n=150) study that investigated the effects of snacking on 43g of almonds daily. which by our calculations is 39 almonds on average.
They found:
- Almonds lowered serum glucose responses postprandially (i.e. lowered blood sugars after meals)
- Almonds also reduced hunger and desire to eat.
- Dietary monounsaturated fat and α-tocopherol intakes were significantly increased in all almond groups*
*you may be wondering how many almond groups there were in this RCT; there were 4 almond groups and 1 control group:
❝This was a 4-week randomized, parallel-arm study that entailed consuming almonds (43 g/day) with breakfast (BF) or lunch (LN), alone as a morning (MS) or afternoon (AS) snack or no almonds (CL)❞
The snack groups, by the way, got better overall results than the with-a-meal groups.
Read in full: Appetitive, dietary and health effects of almonds consumed with meals or as snacks: a randomized, controlled trial
Want to learn more?
With regard to almonds’ skin benefits, see also:
Eat This Daily For No Wrinkles (& How It Works)
Six Ways To Eat For Healthier Skin
The Diet That Slows Skin AgingAlmonds are not the only nut, so check out:
Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts!
Enjoy!
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Caffeine & Exercise… In The Heat?
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Caffeine is generally considered a performance-enhancing drug that’s (for most people) safe, legal, not even banned in sports competitions, and even somewhat encouraged by sports scientists.
See: International society of sports nutrition position stand: caffeine and exercise performance
Depending on the rate at which you metabolize caffeine (there are genes for this), the effects will come/go earlier/later, but as a general rule of thumb, caffeine should work within about 20 minutes, and will peak in effect 1–2 hours after consumption:
Nutrition Supplements to Stimulate Lipolysis: A Review in Relation to Endurance Exercise Capacity
We covered this and more, in more detail, here:
What To Eat, Take, And Do Before A Workout
So, does hot weather change this?
It is reasonable to wonder whether it’s really a good idea to take a vasoconstrictive stimulant in conditions when your body is under threat of overheating if it’s not already.
Most of the time for most people, the benefits of caffeine outweigh the risks: Caffeine: Cognitive Enhancer Or Brain-Wrecker?
We may also wonder about “isn’t caffeine dehydrating?” and the answer is that it is diuretic (so you will pee more). Now, even if you are not peeing while you are working out (and let us for the sake of science assume that you are not), this is still somewhat an issue, since fluids that have been dispatched by your kidneys to your bladder cannot be reclaimed directly from there; at that point, it’s already gone in every way that matters.
However, when the body is overheating (even if subclinically, i.e. not to the extent of being a medical crisis, but just “the room is warm” or “the weather is hot today” or “we’ve worked up a sweat due to exercise”), then the body is sending little or no fluid to the bladder, because the kidneys “know” that the water is needed to cool down the body—hence the sweating. Which means if you’re sweating, then whether or not you took a diuretic shouldn’t make a big difference as your body won’t usually prepare to pee it out if you’re already sweating it out (unless you are overhydrated, which is rarer but perfectly possible—again, not an issue though, because this is your homeostatic system doing exactly the job it’s supposed to do to keep your body well).
See also: Things Many People Forget When It Comes To Hydration
And for that matter: When To Take Electrolytes (And When We Shouldn’t!)
Researchers (Dr. Akira Katagiri et al.) studied whether caffeine taken during exercise improves performance in heat without worsening physiological strain.
And the answer is… Yes it does:
- The starting position: they noted that pre-exercise caffeine can impair performance in hot conditions due to hyperthermia, excessive breathing, and reduced brain blood flow.
- Their hypothesis: in-exercise caffeine intake will delay peak blood caffeine levels, potentially enhancing late-stage performance and minimizing adverse effects.
- How they tested it: the participants exercised in 35°C (95°F) heat, first at moderate intensity, then at high intensity until exhaustion, after ingesting a high dose of caffeine (5 mg/kg) or placebo, 5 minutes into the session. Then the intervention and control groups switched places (randomized controlled double-blind crossover).
- Did it help? Yes, when consumed during exercise, caffeine levels rose slowly, improving endurance in later high-intensity activity and reducing perceived exertion.
- Did it hurt? No (with one caveat*), as it didn’t worsen overheating-induced overbreathing or result in further reduced brain blood flow.
*The caveat: while performance improved, caffeine led to slightly higher cardiorespiratory and temperature strain… At the very end of exercise. In other words, you remember when we said that it improved endurance? That means that it improved the duration before exhaustion, which means that the slightly higher cardiorespiratory and temperature strain occurred after the time point at which the non-caffeine group had met exhaustion and stopped exercising.
You can find the paper itself here: In-Exercise Caffeine Improves Exercise Performance in the Heat Without Exacerbating Hyperventilation and Brain Hypoperfusion
Before you grab your workout clothes and an energy drink, though, do also consider that sometimes exercise is best deferred whether or not you have caffeine.
See: Sun, Sea, And Sudden Killers To Avoid: Stay Safe From Heat Exhaustion & Heatstroke!
Want to take it further?
For the most empoweringly refreshing workout drink, check out the science for how:
Beetroot Juice & Caffeine Work Better Than Either Alone
Enjoy!
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What Different Kinds of Hair Loss/Thinning Say About Your Health
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Dr. Siobhan Deshauer shows us different kinds of hair loss, what causes them, and what can be done about them:
Many different causes
Here’s how to tell them apart:
- Alopecia areata is an autoimmune condition where the immune system mistakenly attacks hair follicles, causing hair loss that can occur at any age and affects about 1 in 50 people. It often presents as smooth patches of hair loss and can be treated with steroid injections. Severe cases may require high-dose prednisone, which can restore hair growth over time.
- Discoid lupus is an autoimmune disease that affects the skin, leading to inflammation, scarring, and permanent hair loss. Unlike alopecia areata, it causes visible damage to the scalp and hair follicles. This type of lupus typically does not involve internal organs, unlike systemic lupus.
- Telogen effluvium occurs when a major systemic shock, such as an infection, surgery, or significant stress, triggers many hair follicles to enter the resting phase simultaneously, resulting in delayed hair shedding. The condition is diagnosed with a “hair pull test” and is typically temporary, as the resting phase is followed by normal hair growth phases.
- Allergic reactions to products, such as hair dye containing PPD, can cause hair loss due to scalp irritation and inflammation. An allergic response may trigger hair follicles to enter a resting phase, leading to hair loss by the same mechanism as telogen effluvium. Treatment with steroids can calm the reaction, and hair usually regrows after recovery.
- Syphilis, a sexually transmitted infection, can present with varied symptoms, including hair loss in a distinct moth-eaten pattern. Hair loss due to syphilis is reversible and curable with penicillin treatment, with hair regrowth typically occurring a few months after treatment.
- Biotin deficiency is rare due to its production by gut bacteria and presence in foods such as nuts, seeds, and beans such as soybeans. Deficiency can result from excessive consumption of raw egg whites, which block absorption. Severe deficiency causes hair loss and skin issues but can be treated effectively with biotin supplements.
- Iron deficiency anemia can cause hair thinning along with symptoms like fatigue and breathlessness. It often results from inadequate dietary intake, but can also occur after heavy menstrual bleeding. Treatment with iron supplements, or blood transfusions in severe cases, can restore both hair and energy levels, leading to significant improvements.
- Trichotillomania is a psychological condition marked by an uncontrollable urge to pull out one’s hair, often associated with anxiety or depression. Hair patches may show different stages of regrowth. While it can be challenging to manage, the condition can be treated with appropriate psychological and medical support.
- Traction alopecia results from hairstyles that exert prolonged tension on the hair, causing it to thin or fall out. This type of hair loss can be prevented by reducing the strain on the hair. Loosening hairstyles and giving the scalp a break can help hair regrow over time.
- Hypothyroidism causes symptoms like fatigue, dry skin, and hair thinning due to insufficient thyroid hormone production—however, it can be managed with diet, and if necessary, thyroid medications.
- Zinc deficiency may also cause hair loss and a characteristic rash. Treatment with zinc supplements can significantly improve hair growth and other symptoms.
- Medications, such as chemotherapy drugs, Accutane, and anti-seizure medications like valproic acid, are known to cause hair loss as a side effect. This type of hair loss is often reversible once the medication is stopped.
- Male pattern hair loss, or androgenic alopecia, is influenced by testosterone and genetic risk factors—which, contrary to popular belief, can come from either or both sides of the family. Early onset, especially before age 40, is linked to an increased risk of heart disease. However, effective treatments are available, and early intervention is beneficial.
- Female pattern hair loss is basically the same thing as male pattern hair loss (indeed, it is literally still androgenic alopecia), just a) almost always much less severe and b) with a gender-appropriate name. It affects up to 40% of women by age 50 and is characterized by thinning hair at the top of the head. It’s related to hormonal imbalances involving testosterone, such as those seen in PCOS and menopause, amongst other less common causes. Early treatment can be effective, and research is ongoing to develop more targeted therapies.
Dr. Siobhan Deshauer advises, if you’re experiencing hair loss, to monitor other symptoms too if applicable, take photos for tracking, and consult a doctor early for diagnosis and potential treatment.
For more on all of this plus visual illustrations, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
Take care!
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The How Not to Die Cookbook – by Dr. Michael Greger
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We’ve previously reviewed Dr. Greger’s “How Not To Die”, which is excellent and/but very science-dense.
This book is different, in that the science is referenced and explained throughout, but the focus is the recipes, and how to prepare delicious healthy food in accordance with the principles laid out in How Not To Die.
It also follows “Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen“, that is to say, the 12 specific things he advises we make sure to have every day, and thus helps us to include them in an easy, no-fuss fashion.
The recipes themselves are by Robin Robertson, and/but with plenty of notes by Dr Greger; they clearly collaborated closely in creating them.
The ingredients are all things one can find in any well-stocked supermarket, so unless you live in a food desert, you can make these things easily.
And yes, the foods are delicious too.
Bottom line: if you’re interested in cooking according to perhaps the most science-based dietary system out there, then this book is a top-tier choice.
Click here to check out The How Not To Die Cookbook, and live well!
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Getting COMFY – by Jordan Gross
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It’s easy to see how good “morning people” seem to have it; it’s harder, it seems, to become one.
And, if we’re forced by circumstance to be the morning person we’re not? We all-too-easily find ourselves greeting each coming day without the joy that, in an ideal world, we might.
So, is it possible to learn this power? Jordan Gross has it mapped out for it us…
The “COMFY” of the title is indeed an acronym, and it stands for:
- Calm
- Openness
- Movement
- Funny
- You
There’s a chapter explaining each in detail, and they’re bookended with other chapters explaining more about the whys and the hows.
As you might expect, the key to a good morning starts the night before, but there’s also a formula to follow. Of course, you can change it up, mix and match if you like… but this book provides a base framework to build from, which is something that can make a huge difference!
Bottom line: it’s a highly enjoyable book to read, and also provides genuine powerful help to bring us the brighter happier mornings we deserve—the set-up to the perfect day!
Click here to check out “Getting COMFY” and perk up your mornings—you deserve it!
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The Remarkable Morning Method: 5 Ways to Unlock Your Best Mental State
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Grogginess in the morning is often caused by how you start your day, not just poor sleep. But there are ways to cut through that:
Good morning!
Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, advises:
- Get morning light exposure: go outside (or at least be by a window that faces the sun) within the first hour of waking to help clear melatonin and reset your circadian rhythm—this signals your brain it’s time to be alert.
- Move your body (gently): do light movement like stretching, walking, or yoga to boost blood flow and release focus-enhancing brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine.
- Prime your mindset: set a simple intention or repeat a calming phrase to guide your day—this shifts your brain from its default mode network (daydreaming etc) to intentional thinking.
- Hydrate before anything else: drink at least a glass of water before coffee or food to combat overnight dehydration, which can affect memory, focus, and mood.
- Complete one tiny win: accomplish a small task (it can be a truly small thing, like making your bed or writing a to-do list) to trigger a dopamine boost and build morning momentum.
For more on all of this, enjoy:
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Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Morning Routines That Just Flow
Enjoy!
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