An Important Way That Love Gets Eroded

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It is unusual for a honeymoon period to last forever, but some relationships fair a lot better than others. Not just in terms of staying together vs separating, but in terms of happiness and satisfaction in the relationship. What’s the secret? There are many, but here’s one of them…

Communication

In this video, the case is made for a specific aspect of communication: airing grievances.

Superficially, this doesn’t seem like a recipe for happiness, but it is one important ingredient—that it’s dangerously easy to let small grievances add up and eat away at one’s love and patience, until one day resentment outweighs attachment, and at that point, it often becomes a case of “checking out before you leave”, remaining in the relationship more due to inertia than volition.

Which, in turn, will likely start to cause resentment on the other side, and eventually things will crumble and/or explode.

In contrast, if we make sure to speak our feelings clearly (10almonds note, not in the video: we think that doing so compassionately is also important), the bad as well as the good, then it means that:

  • things don’t stack up and fester (there will less likely be a “final straw” if we are regularly removing straws)
  • there is an opportunity for change (in contrast, our partner would be unlikely to adjust anything to correct a problem they don’t know about)
  • all but the most inclined-to-anxiety partners can rest easy, because they know that if we had a problem, we’d tell them

This is definitely only one critical aspect of communication; this video for example says nothing about actually being affectionate with one’s partner, or making sure to accept emotional bids for connection (per that story that goes “I knew my marriage was over when he wouldn’t come look at the tomatoes I grew”), but it is one worth considering—even if we at 10almonds would advise being gentle yet honest, and where possible balancing, in aggregate if not in the moment, with positive things (per Gottman’s ratio of 5:1 good moments to bad, being the magic number for marriages that “work”).

For more on why it’s so important to be able to safely air grievances, see:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Want to learn more?

You might also like to read:

Seriously Useful Communication Skills! ← this deals with some of the important gaps left by the video

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  • Hormone Replacement

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small

    ❝I cant believe 10 Almonds addresses questions. Thanks. I see the word symptoms for menopause. I don’t know what word should replace it but maybe one should be used or is symptom accurate? And I recently read that there was a great disservice for women in my era as they were denied/scared of hormones replacement. Unnecessarily❞

    You’d better believe it! In fact we love questions; they give us things to research and write about.

    “Symptom” is indeed an entirely justified word to use, being:

    1. General: any phenomenon or circumstance accompanying something and serving as evidence of it.
    2. Medical: any phenomenon that arises from and accompanies a particular disease or disorder and serves as an indication of it.

    If the question is more whether the menopause can be considered a disease/disorder, well, it’s a naturally occurring and ultimately inevitable change, yes, but then, so is cancer (it’s in the simple mathematics of DNA replication and mutation that, unless a cure for cancer is found, we will always eventually get cancer, if nothing else kills us first).

    So, something being natural/inevitable isn’t a reason to not consider it a disease/disorder, nor a reason to not treat it as appropriate if it is causing us harm/discomfort that can be safely alleviated.

    Moreover, and semantics aside, it is medical convention to consider menopause to be a medical condition, that has symptoms. Indeed, for example, the US’s NIH (and its constituent NIA, the National Institute of Aging) and the UK’s NHS, both list the menopause’s symptoms, using that word:

    With regard to fearmongering around HRT, certainly that has been rife, and there were some very flawed (and later soundly refuted) studies a while back that prompted this—and even those flawed studies were not about the same (bioidentical) hormones available today, in any case. So even if they had been correct (they weren’t), it still wouldn’t be a reason to not get treatment nowadays, if appropriate!

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  • Alzheimer’s may have once spread from person to person, but the risk of that happening today is incredibly low

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    An article published this week in the prestigious journal Nature Medicine documents what is believed to be the first evidence that Alzheimer’s disease can be transmitted from person to person.

    The finding arose from long-term follow up of patients who received human growth hormone (hGH) that was taken from brain tissue of deceased donors.

    Preparations of donated hGH were used in medicine to treat a variety of conditions from 1959 onwards – including in Australia from the mid 60s.

    The practice stopped in 1985 when it was discovered around 200 patients worldwide who had received these donations went on to develop Creuztfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD), which causes a rapidly progressive dementia. This is an otherwise extremely rare condition, affecting roughly one person in a million.

    What’s CJD got to do with Alzehimer’s?

    CJD is caused by prions: infective particles that are neither bacterial or viral, but consist of abnormally folded proteins that can be transmitted from cell to cell.

    Other prion diseases include kuru, a dementia seen in New Guinea tribespeople caused by eating human tissue, scrapie (a disease of sheep) and variant CJD or bovine spongiform encephalopathy, otherwise known as mad cow disease. This raised public health concerns over the eating of beef products in the United Kingdom in the 1980s.

    Human growth hormone used to come from donated organs

    Human growth hormone (hGH) is produced in the brain by the pituitary gland. Treatments were originally prepared from purified human pituitary tissue.

    But because the amount of hGH contained in a single gland is extremely small, any single dose given to any one patient could contain material from around 16,000 donated glands.

    An average course of hGH treatment lasts around four years, so the chances of receiving contaminated material – even for a very rare condition such as CJD – became quite high for such people.

    hGH is now manufactured synthetically in a laboratory, rather than from human tissue. So this particular mode of CJD transmission is no longer a risk.

    Scientist in a lab
    Human growth hormone is now produced in a lab.
    National Cancer Institute/Unsplash

    What are the latest findings about Alzheimer’s disease?

    The Nature Medicine paper provides the first evidence that transmission of Alzheimer’s disease can occur via human-to-human transmission.

    The authors examined the outcomes of people who received donated hGH until 1985. They found five such recipients had developed early-onset Alzheimer’s disease.

    They considered other explanations for the findings but concluded donated hGH was the likely cause.

    Given Alzheimer’s disease is a much more common illness than CJD, the authors presume those who received donated hGH before 1985 may be at higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.

    Alzheimer’s disease is caused by presence of two abnormally folded proteins: amyloid and tau. There is increasing evidence these proteins spread in the brain in a similar way to prion diseases. So the mode of transmission the authors propose is certainly plausible.

    However, given the amyloid protein deposits in the brain at least 20 years before clinical Alzheimer’s disease develops, there is likely to be a considerable time lag before cases that might arise from the receipt of donated hGH become evident.

    When was this process used in Australia?

    In Australia, donated pituitary material was used from 1967 to 1985 to treat people with short stature and infertility.

    More than 2,000 people received such treatment. Four developed CJD, the last case identified in 1991. All four cases were likely linked to a single contaminated batch.

    The risks of any other cases of CJD developing now in pituitary material recipients, so long after the occurrence of the last identified case in Australia, are considered to be incredibly small.

    Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease (defined as occurring before the age of 65) is uncommon, accounting for around 5% of all cases. Below the age of 50 it’s rare and likely to have a genetic contribution.

    Older man places his hands on his head
    Early onset Alzheimer’s means it occurs before age 65.
    perfectlab/Shutterstock

    The risk is very low – and you can’t ‘catch’ it like a virus

    The Nature Medicine paper identified five cases which were diagnosed in people aged 38 to 55. This is more than could be expected by chance, but still very low in comparison to the total number of patients treated worldwide.

    Although the long “incubation period” of Alzheimer’s disease may mean more similar cases may be identified in the future, the absolute risk remains very low. The main scientific interest of the article lies in the fact it’s first to demonstrate that Alzheimer’s disease can be transmitted from person to person in a similar way to prion diseases, rather than in any public health risk.

    The authors were keen to emphasise, as I will, that Alzheimer’s cannot be contracted via contact with or providing care to people with Alzheimer’s disease.The Conversation

    Steve Macfarlane, Head of Clinical Services, Dementia Support Australia, & Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Monash University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • ADHD medication – can you take it long term? What are the risks and do benefits continue?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that can affect all stages of life. Medication is not the only treatment, but it is often the treatment that can make the most obvious difference to a person who has difficulties focusing attention, sitting still or not acting on impulse.

    But what happens once you’ve found the medication that works for you or your child? Do you just keep taking it forever? Here’s what to consider.

    What are ADHD medications?

    The mainstay of medication for ADHD is stimulants. These include methylphenidate (with brand names Ritalin, Concerta) and dexamfetamine. There is also lisdexamfetamine (branded Vyvanse), a “prodrug” of dexamfetamine (it has a protein molecule attached, which is removed in the body to release dexamfetamine).

    There are also non-stimulants, in particular atomoxetine and guanfacine, which are used less often but can also be highly effective. Non-stimulants can be prescribed by GPs but this may not always be covered by the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme and could cost more.

    How stimulants work

    Some stimulants prescribed for ADHD are “short acting”. This means the effect comes on after around 20 minutes and lasts around four hours.

    Longer-acting stimulants give a longer-lasting effect, usually by releasing medication more slowly. The choice between the two will be guided by whether the person wants to take medication once a day or prefers to target the medication effect to specific times or tasks.

    For the stimulants (with the possible exception of lisdexamfetamine) there is very little carry-over effect to the next day. This means the symptoms of ADHD may be very obvious until the first dose of the morning takes effect.

    One of the main aims of treatment is the person with ADHD should live their best life and achieve their goals. In young children it is the parents who have to consider the risks and benefits on behalf of the child. As children mature, their role in decision making increases.

    What about side effects?

    The most consistent side effects of the stimulants are they suppress appetite, resulting in weight loss. In children this is associated with temporary slowing of the growth rate and perhaps a slight delay in pubertal development. They can also increase the heart rate and may cause a rise in blood pressure. Stimulants often cause insomnia.

    These changes are largely reversible on stopping medication. However, there is concern the small rises in blood pressure could accelerate the rate of heart disease, so people who take medication over a number of years might have heart attacks or strokes slightly sooner than would have happened otherwise.

    This does not mean older adults should not have their ADHD treated. Rather, they should be aware of the potential risks so they can make an informed decision. They should also make sure high blood pressure and attacks of chest pain are taken seriously.

    Stimulants can be associated with stomach ache or headache. These effects may lessen over time or with a reduction in dose. While there have been reports about stimulants being misused by students, research on the risks of long-term prescription stimulant dependence is lacking.

    Will medication be needed long term?

    Although ADHD can affect a person’s functioning at all stages of their life, most people stop medication within the first two years.

    People may stop taking it because they don’t like the way it makes them feel, or don’t like taking medication at all. Their short period on medication may have helped them develop a better understanding of themselves and how best to manage their ADHD.

    In teenagers the medication may lose its effectiveness as they outgrow their dose and so they stop taking it. But this should be differentiated from tolerance, when the dose becomes less effective and there are only temporary improvements with dose increases.

    Tolerance may be managed by taking short breaks from medication, switching from one stimulant to another or using a non-stimulant.

    boy looks frustrated, sitting at table with adult
    Medication is usually prescribed by a specialist but rules differ around Australia.
    Ground Picture/Shutterstock

    Too many prescriptions?

    ADHD is becoming increasingly recognised, with more people – 2–5% of adults and 5–10% of children – being diagnosed. In Australia stimulants are highly regulated and mainly prescribed by specialists (paediatricians or psychiatrists), though this differs from state to state. As case loads grow for this lifelong diagnosis, there just aren’t enough specialists to fit everyone in.

    In November, a Senate inquiry report into ADHD assessment and support services highlighted the desperation experienced by people seeking treatment.

    There have already been changes to the legislation in New South Wales that may lead to more GPs being able to treat ADHD. Further training could help GPs feel more confident to manage ADHD. This could be in a shared-care arrangement or independent management of ADHD by GPs like a model being piloted at Nepean Blue Mountains Local Health District, with GPs training within an ADHD clinic (where I am a specialist clinician).

    Not every person with ADHD will need or want to take medication. However, it should be more easily available for those who could find it helpful.The Conversation

    Alison Poulton, Senior Lecturer, Brain Mind Centre Nepean, University of Sydney

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Pinch Of Nom, Everyday Light – by Kay Featherstone and Kate Allinson

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    One of the biggest problems with “light”, “lean” or “under this many calories” cookbooks tends to be the portion sizes perhaps had sparrows in mind. Not so, here!

    Nor do they go for the other usual trick, which is giving us something that’s clearly not a complete meal. All of these recipes are for complete meals, or else come with a suggestion of a simple accompaniment that will still keep the dish under 400kcal.

    The recipes are packed with vegetables and protein, perfect for keeping lean while also making sure you’re full until the next meal.

    Best of all, they are indeed rich and tasty meals—there’s only so many times one wants salmon with salad, after all. There are healthy-edition junk food options, too! Sausage and egg muffins, fish and chips, pizza-loaded fries, sloppy dogs, firecracker prawns, and more!

    Most of the meals are quite quick and easy to make, and use common ingredients.

    Nearly half are vegetarian, and gluten-free options involve only direct simple GF substitutions. Similarly, turning a vegetarian meal into a vegan meal is usually not rocket science! Again, quick and easy substitutions, à la “or the plant-based milk of your choice”.

    Recipes are presented in the format: ingredients, method, photo. Super simple (and no “chef’s nostalgic anecdote storytime” introductions that take more than, say, a sentence to tell).

    All in all, a fabulous addition to anyone’s home kitchen!

    Get your copy of “Pinch of Nom—Everyday Light” from Amazon today!

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  • Which Tea Is Best, By Science?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    What kind of tea is best for the health?

    It’s popular knowledge that tea is a healthful drink, and green tea tends to get the popular credit for “healthiest”.

    Is that accurate? It depends on what you’re looking for…

    Black

    Its strong flavor packs in lots of polyphenols, often more than other kinds of tea. This brings some great benefits:

    As well as effects beyond the obvious:

    The Effect of Black Tea on Blood Pressure: A Systematic Review with Meta-Analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials

    …and its cardioprotective benefits aren’t just about lowering blood pressure; it improves triglyceride levels as well as improving the LDL to HDL ratio:

    The effect of black tea on risk factors of cardiovascular disease in a normal population

    Finally (we could say more, but we only have so much room), black tea usually has the highest caffeine content, compared to other teas.

    That’s good or bad depending on your own physiology and preferences, of course.

    White

    White tea hasn’t been processed as much as other kinds, so this one keeps more of its antioxidants, but that doesn’t mean it comes out on top; in this study of 30 teas, the white tea options ranked in the mid-to-low 20s:

    Phenolic Profiles and Antioxidant Activities of 30 Tea Infusions from Green, Black, Oolong, White, Yellow and Dark Teas

    White tea is also unusual in its relatively high fluoride content, which is consider a good thing:

    White tea: A contributor to oral health

    In case you were wondering about the safety of that…

    Water Fluoridation: Is It Safe, And How Much Is Too Much?

    Green

    Green tea ranks almost as high as black tea, on average, for polyphenols.

    Its antioxidant powers have given it a considerable anti-cancer potential, too:

    …and many others, but you get the idea. Notably:

    Green Tea Catechins: Nature’s Way of Preventing and Treating Cancer

    …or to expand on that:

    Potential Therapeutic Targets of Epigallocatechin Gallate (EGCG), the Most Abundant Catechin in Green Tea, and Its Role in the Therapy of Various Types of Cancer

    About green tea’s much higher levels of catechins, they also have a neuroprotective effect:

    Simultaneous Manipulation of Multiple Brain Targets by Green Tea Catechins: A Potential Neuroprotective Strategy for Alzheimer and Parkinson Diseases

    Green tea of course is also a great source of l-theanine, which we could write a whole main feature about, and we did:

    L-Theanine: What’s The Tea?

    Red

    Also called “rooibos” or (literally translated from Afrikaans to English) “redbush”, it’s quite special in that despite being a “true tea” botanically and containing many of the same phytochemicals as the other teas, it has no caffeine.

    There’s not nearly as much research for this as green tea, but here’s one that stood out:

    Effects of rooibos (Aspalathus linearis) on oxidative stress and biochemical parameters in adults at risk for cardiovascular disease

    However, in the search for the perfect cup of tea (in terms of phytochemical content), another set of researchers found:

    ❝The optimal cup was identified as sample steeped for 10 min or longer. The rooibos consumers did not consume it sufficiently, nor steeped it long enough. ❞

    ~ Dr. Hannelise Piek et al.

    Read in full: Rooibos herbal tea: an optimal cup and its consumers

    Bottom line

    Black, white, green, and red teas all have their benefits, and ultimately the best one for you will probably be the one you enjoy drinking, and thus drink more of.

    If trying to choose though, we offer the following summary:

    • 🖤 Black tea: best for total beneficial phytochemicals
    • 🤍 White tea:best for your oral health
    • 💚 Green tea: best for your brain
    • ❤️ Red tea: best if you want naturally caffeine-free

    Enjoy!

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  • How To Stop Binge-Eating: Flip This Switch!

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    “The Big Eating Therapist” Sarah Dosanjh has insights from both personal and professional experience:

    No “Tough Love” Necessary

    Eating certain foods is often socially shamed, and it’s easy to internalize that, and feel guilty. While often guilt is considered a pro-social emotion that helps people to avoid erring in a way that will get us excluded from the tribe (bearing in mind that for most of our evolutionary history, exile would mean near-certain death), it is not good at behavior modification when it comes to addictions or anything similar to addictions.

    The reason for this is that if we indulge in a pleasure we feel we “shouldn’t” and expect we’d be shamed for, we then feel bad, and we immediately want something to make us feel better. Guess what that something will be. That’s right: the very same thing we literally just felt ashamed about.

    So guilt is not helpful when it comes to (for example) avoiding binge-eating.

    Instead, Dosanjh points us to a study whereby dieters ate a donut and drank water, before being given candy for taste testing. The control group proceeded without intervention, while the experimental group had a self-compassion intervention between the donut and the candy. This meant that researchers told the participants not to feel bad about eating the donut, emphasizing self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity. The study found that those who received the intervention, ate significantly less candy.

    What we can learn from this is: we must be kind to ourselves. Allowing ourselves, consciously and mindfully, “a little treat”, secures its status as being “little”, and “a treat”. Then we smile, thinking “yes, that was a nice little thing to do for myself”, and proceed with our day.

    This kind of self-compassion helps avoid the “meta-binge” process, where guilt from one thing leads to immediately reaching for another.

    For more on this, plus a link to the study she mentioned, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Take care!

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