Healthy Relationship, Healthy Life

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Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much!

One of the well-established keys of a long healthy life is being in a fulfilling relationship. That’s not to say that one can’t be single and happy and fulfilled—one totally can. But statistically, those who live longest, do so in happy, fulfilling, committed relationships.

Note: happy, fulfilling, committed relationships. Less than that won’t do. Your insurance company might care about your marital status for its own sake, but your actual health doesn’t—it’s about the emotional safety and security that a good, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship offers.

How to keep the “love coals” warm

When “new relationship energy” subsides and we’ve made our way hand-in-hand through the “honeymoon period”, what next? For many, a life of routine. And that’s not intrinsically bad—routine itself can be comforting! But for love to work, according to relational psychologists, it also needs something a little more.

What things? Let’s break it down…

Bids for connection—and responsiveness to same

There’s an oft-quoted story about a person who knew their marriage was over when their spouse wouldn’t come look at their tomatoes. That may seem overblown, but…

When we care about someone, we want to share our life with them. Not just in the sense of cohabitation and taxes, but in the sense of:

  • Little moments of joy
  • Things we learned
  • Things we saw
  • Things we did

…and there’s someone we’re first to go to share these things with. And when we do, that’s a “bid for connection”. It’s important that we:

  • Make bids for connection frequently
  • Respond appropriately to our partner’s bids for connection

Of course, we cannot always give everything our full attention. But whenever we can, we should show as much genuine interest as we can.

Keep asking the important questions

Not just “what shall we have for dinner?”, but:

  • “What’s a life dream that you have at the moment?”
  • “What are the most important things in life?”
  • “What would you regret not doing, if you never got the chance?”

…and so forth. Even after many years with a partner, the answers can sometimes surprise us. Not because we don’t know our partners, but because the answers can change with time, and sometimes we can even surprise ourselves, if it’s a question we haven’t considered for a while.

It’s good to learn and grow like this together—and to keep doing so!

Express gratitude/appreciation

For the little things as well as the big:

  • Thank you for staying by my side during life’s storms
  • Thank you for bringing me a coffee
  • Thank you for taking on these responsibilities with me
  • I really appreciate your DIY skills
  • I really appreciate your understanding nature

On which note…

Compliment, often and sincerely

Most importantly, compliment things intrinsic to their character, not just peripheral attributes like appearance, and also not just what they do for you.

  • You’re such a patient person; I really admire that
  • I really hit the jackpot to get someone I can trust so completely as you
  • You are the kindest and sweetest soul I have ever encountered in life
  • I love that you have such a blend of strength and compassion
  • Your unwavering dedication to your personal values makes me so proud

…whatever goes for your partner and how you see them and what you love about them!

Express your needs, and ask about theirs

We’re none of us mind-readers, and it’s easy to languish in “if they really cared, I wouldn’t have to ask”, or conversely, “if they wanted something, they would surely say so”.

Communicate. Effectively. Life is too short to waste in miscommunication and unsaid things!

We covered much more detailed how-tos of this in a previous issue, but good double-whammy of top tier communication is:

  • “I need…” / “Please will you…”
  • “What do you need?” / “How can I help?”

Touch. Often.

It takes about 20 seconds of sustained contact for oxytocin to take effect, so remember that when you hug your partner, hold hands when walking, or cuddle up the sofa.

Have regular date nights

It doesn’t have to be fancy. A date night can be cooking together, it can be watching a movie together at home. It can be having a scheduled time to each bring a “big question” or five, from what we talked about above!

Most importantly: it’s a planned shared experience where the intent is to enjoy each other’s romantic company, and have a focus on each other. Having a regularly recurring date night, be it the last day of each month, or every second Saturday, or every Friday night, whatever your schedules allow, makes such a big difference to feel you are indeed “dating” and in the full flushes of love—not merely cohabiting pleasantly.

Want ideas?

Check out these:

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  • The End of Food Allergy – by Dr. Kari Nadeau & Sloan Barnett

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    We don’t usually mention author credentials beyond their occupation/title. However, in this case it bears acknowledging at least the first line of the author bio:

    ❝Kari Nadeau, MD, PhD, is the director of the Sean N. Parker Center for Allergy and Asthma Research at Stanford University and is one of the world’s leading experts on food allergy❞

    We mention this, because there’s a lot of quack medicine out there [in general, but especially] when it comes to things such as food allergies. So let’s be clear up front that Dr. Nadeau is actually a world-class professional at the top of her field.

    This book is, by the way, about true allergies—not intolerances or sensitivities. It does touch on those latter two, but it’s not the main meat of the book.

    In particular, most of the research cited is around peanut allergies, though the usual other common allergens are all discussed too.

    The authors’ writing style is that of a science educator (Dr. Nadeau’s co-author, Sloan Barnett, is lawyer and health journalist). We get a clear explanation of the science from real-world to clinic and back again, and are left with a strong understanding, not just a conclusion.

    The titular “End of Food Allergy” is a bold implicit claim; does the book deliver? Yes, actually.

    The book lays out guidelines for safely avoiding food allergies developing in infants, and yes, really, how to reverse them in adults. But…

    Big caveat:

    The solution for reversing severe food allergies (e.g. “someone nearby touched a peanut three hours ago and now I’m in anaphylactic shock”), drug-assisted oral immunotherapy, takes 6–24 months of weekly several-hour-long clinic visits, relies on having a nearby clinic offering the service, and absolutely 100% cannot be done at home (on pain of probable death).

    Bottom line: it’s by no means a magic bullet, but yes, it does deliver.

    Click here to check out The End of Food Allergy to learn more!

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  • Master Your Core – by Dr. Bohdanna Zazulak

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    In the category of “washboard abs”, this one isn’t particularly interested in how much or how little fat you have. What it’s more interested in is a strong, resilient, and stable core. Including your abs yes, but also glutes, hips, and back.

    Nor is the focus on superhuman feats of strength, though certainly one could use these exercises to work towards that. Rather, here we see importance placed on functional performance, mobility, and stability.

    Lest mobility and stability seem at odds with each other, understand:

    • By mobility we mean the range of movement we are able to accomplish.
    • By stability, we mean that any movement we make is intentional, and not because we lost our balance.

    Functional performance, meanwhile, is a function of those two things, plus strength.

    How does the book deliver on this?

    There are exercises to do. Exercises of the athletic kind you might expect, and also exercises including breathing exercises, which gets quite a bit of attention too. Not just “do abdominal breathing”, but quite an in-depth examination of such. There are also habits to form, and lifestyle tweaks to make.

    Of course, you don’t have to do all the things she suggests. The more you do, the better results you are likely to get, but if you adopt even some of the practices she recommends, you’re likely to see some benefits. And, perhaps most importantly, reduce age-related loss of mobility, stability, and strength.

    Bottom line: a great all-rounder book of core strength, mobility, and stability.

    Click here to check out Master Your Core and enjoy the more robust health that comes with it!

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  • Viruses aren’t always harmful. 6 ways they’re used in health care and pest control

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    We tend to just think of viruses in terms of their damaging impacts on human health and lives. The 1918 flu pandemic killed around 50 million people. Smallpox claimed 30% of those who caught it, and survivors were often scarred and blinded. More recently, we’re all too familiar with the health and economic impacts of COVID.

    But viruses can also be used to benefit human health, agriculture and the environment.

    Viruses are comparatively simple in structure, consisting of a piece of genetic material (RNA or DNA) enclosed in a protein coat (the capsid). Some also have an outer envelope.

    Viruses get into your cells and use your cell machinery to copy themselves.
    Here are six ways we’ve harnessed this for health care and pest control.

    1. To correct genes

    Viruses are used in some gene therapies to correct malfunctioning genes. Genes are DNA sequences that code for a particular protein required for cell function.

    If we remove viral genetic material from the capsid (protein coat) we can use the space to transport a “cargo” into cells. These modified viruses are called “viral vectors”.

    Viruses consist of a piece of RNA or DNA enclosed in a protein coat called the capsid.
    DEXi

    Viral vectors can deliver a functional gene into someone with a genetic disorder whose own gene is not working properly.

    Some genetic diseases treated this way include haemophilia, sickle cell disease and beta thalassaemia.

    2. Treat cancer

    Viral vectors can be used to treat cancer.

    Healthy people have p53, a tumour-suppressor gene. About half of cancers are associated with the loss of p53.

    Replacing the damaged p53 gene using a viral vector stops the cancerous cell from replicating and tells it to suicide (apoptosis).

    Viral vectors can also be used to deliver an inactive drug to a tumour, where it is then activated to kill the tumour cell.

    This targeted therapy reduces the side effects otherwise seen with cytotoxic (cell-killing) drugs.

    We can also use oncolytic (cancer cell-destroying) viruses to treat some types of cancer.

    Tumour cells have often lost their antiviral defences. In the case of melanoma, a modified herpes simplex virus can kill rapidly dividing melanoma cells while largely leaving non-tumour cells alone.

    3. Create immune responses

    Viral vectors can create a protective immune response to a particular viral antigen.

    One COVID vaccine uses a modified chimp adenovirus (adenoviruses cause the common cold in humans) to transport RNA coding for the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein into human cells.

    The RNA is then used to make spike protein copies, which stimulate our immune cells to replicate and “remember” the spike protein.

    Then, when you are exposed to SARS-CoV-2 for real, your immune system can churn out lots of antibodies and virus-killing cells very quickly to prevent or reduce the severity of infection.

    4. Act as vaccines

    Viruses can be modified to act directly as vaccines themselves in several ways.

    We can weaken a virus (for an attenuated virus vaccine) so it doesn’t cause infection in a healthy host but can still replicate to stimulate the immune response. The chickenpox vaccine works like this.

    The Salk vaccine for polio uses a whole virus that has been inactivated (so it can’t cause disease).

    Others use a small part of the virus such as a capsid protein to stimulate an immune response (subunit vaccines).

    An mRNA vaccine packages up viral RNA for a specific protein that will stimulate an immune response.

    5. Kill bacteria

    Viruses can – in limited situations in Australia – be used to treat antibiotic-resistant bacterial infections.

    Bacteriophages are viruses that kill bacteria. Each type of phage usually infects a particular species of bacteria.

    Unlike antibiotics – which often kill “good” bacteria along with the disease-causing ones – phage therapy leaves your normal flora (useful microbes) intact.

    A phage
    Bacteriophages (red) are viruses that kill bacteria (green).
    Shutterstock

    6. Target plant, fungal or animal pests

    Viruses can be species-specific (infecting one species only) and even cell-specific (infecting one type of cell only).

    This occurs because the proteins viruses use to attach to cells have a shape that binds to a specific type of cell receptor or molecule, like a specific key fits a lock.

    The virus can enter the cells of all species with this receptor/molecule. For example, rabies virus can infect all mammals because we share the right receptor, and mammals have other characteristics that allow infection to occur whereas other non-mammal species don’t.

    When the receptor is only found on one cell type, then the virus will infect that cell type, which may only be found in one or a limited number of species. Hepatitis B virus successfully infects liver cells primarily in humans and chimps.

    We can use that property of specificity to target invasive plant species (reducing the need for chemical herbicides) and pest insects (reducing the need for chemical insecticides). Baculoviruses, for example, are used to control caterpillars.

    Similarly, bacteriophages can be used to control bacterial tomato and grapevine diseases.

    Other viruses reduce plant damage from fungal pests.

    Myxoma virus and calicivirus reduce rabbit populations and their environmental impacts and improve agricultural production.

    Just like humans can be protected against by vaccination, plants can be “immunised” against a disease-causing virus by being exposed to a milder version.The Conversation

    Thea van de Mortel, Professor, Nursing, School of Nursing and Midwifery, Griffith University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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  • Smart Sex – by Dr. Emily Morse

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    First, what this isn’t: this isn’t a mere book of sex positions and party tricks, nor is it a book of Cosmo-style “drive your man wild by using hot sauce as lube” advice.

    What it offers instead, is a refreshingly mature take on sex, free from the “teehee” titillations and blushes that many books of the genre go for.

    Dr. Emily Morse outlines five pillars of sex:

    1. Embodiment
    2. Health
    3. Collaboration
    4. Self-knowledge
    5. Self-acceptance

    …and talks about each of them in detail, and how we can bring them together. And, of course, how we or our partner(s) could accidentally sabotage ourselves or each other, and the conversations we can (and should!) have, to work past that.

    She also, critically, and this is a big source of value in the book, looks at “pleasure thieves”: stress, trauma, and shame. The advice for overcoming these is not “don’t worry; be happy” but rather is actual practical steps one can take.

    The style throughout is direct and unpatronizing. Since the advice within pertains to everyone who has and/or wants an active sex life, very little is divided by gender etc.

    There is some attention given to anatomy and physiology, complete with clear diagrams. Honestly, most people could benefit from these, because most people’s knowledge of the relevant anatomy stopped with a very basic high school text book diagram that missed a lot out.

    Bottom line: this book spends more time on what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs, and yet is very comprehensive in all areas. Everyone has something to gain from this one.

    Click here to check out Smart Sex and stop missing out!

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  • Protein Immune Support Salad

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    How to get enough protein from a salad, without adding meat? Cashews and chickpeas have you more than covered! Along with the leafy greens and an impressive array of minor ingredients full of healthy phytochemicals, this one’s good for your muscles, bones, skin, immune health, and more.

    You will need

    • 1½ cups raw cashews (if allergic, omit; the chickpeas and coconut will still carry the dish for protein and healthy fats)
    • 2 cans (2x 14oz) chickpeas, drained
    • 1½ lbs baby spinach leaves
    • 2 large onions, finely chopped
    • 3 oz goji berries
    • ½ bulb garlic, finely chopped
    • 2 tbsp dessicated coconut
    • 1 tbsp dried cumin
    • 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
    • 2 tsp chili flakes
    • 1 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
    • ½ tsp MSG, or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
    • Extra virgin olive oil, for cooking

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Heat a little oil in a pan; add the onions and cook for about 3 minutes.

    2) Add the garlic and cook for a further 2 minutes.

    3) Add the spinach, and cook until it wilts.

    4) Add the remaining ingredients except the coconut, and cook for another three minutes.

    5) Heat another pan (dry); add the coconut and toast for 1–2 minutes, until lightly golden. Add it to the main pan.

    6) Serve hot as a main, or an attention-grabbing side:

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Can You Be Fat AND Fit?

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    The short answer is “yes“.

    And as for what that means for your heart and/or all-cause mortality risk: it’s just as good as being fit at a smaller size, and furthermore, it’s better than being less fit at a smaller size.

    Here’s the longer answer:

    The science

    A research team did a systematic review looking at multiple large cohort studies examining the associations between:

    • Cardiorespiratory fitness and cardiovascular disease risk
    • Cardiorespiratory fitness and all-cause mortality
    • BMI and cardiovascular disease risk
    • BMI and all-cause mortality

    However, they also took this further, and tabulated the data such that they could also establish the cardiovascular disease mortality risk and all-cause mortality risk of:

    1. Unfit people with “normal” BMI
    2. Unfit people with “overweight” BMI
    3. Unfit people with “obese” BMI
    4. Fit people with “normal” BMI
    5. Fit people with “overweight” BMI
    6. Fit people with “obese” BMI

    Before we move on, let’s note for the record that BMI is a woeful system in any case, for enough reasons to fill a whole article:

    When BMI Doesn’t Measure Up

    Now, with that in mind, let’s get to the results:

    What they found

    For cardiovascular disease mortality risk of unfit people specifically, compared to fit people of “normal” BMI:

    • Unfit people with “normal” BMI: 2.04x higher risk.
    • Unfit people with “overweight” BMI: 2.58x higher risk.
    • Unfit people with “obese” BMI: 3.35x higher risk

    So here we can see that if you are unfit, then being heavier will indeed increase your CVD mortality risk.

    For all-cause mortality risk of unfit people specifically, compared to fit people of “normal” BMI:

    • Unfit people with “normal” BMI: 1.92x higher risk.
    • Unfit people with “overweight” BMI: 1.82x higher risk.
    • Unfit people with “obese” BMI: 2.04x higher risk

    This time we see that if you are unfit, then being heavier or lighter than “overweight” will increase your all-cause mortality risk.

    So, what about if you are fit? Then being heavier or lighter made no significant difference to either CVD mortality risk or all-cause mortality risk.

    Fit individuals, regardless of weight category (normal, overweight, or obese), had significantly lower mortality risks compared to unfit individuals in any weight category.

    Note: not just “compared to unfit individuals in their weight category”, but compared to unfit individuals in any weight category.

    In other words, if you are obese and have good cardiorespiratory fitness, you will (on average) live longer than an unfit person with “normal” BMI.

    You can find the paper itself here, if you want to examine the data and/or method:

    Cardiorespiratory fitness, body mass index and mortality: a systematic review and meta-analysis

    Ok, so how do I improve the kind of fitness that they measured?

    They based their cardiorespiratory fitness on VO2 Max, which scientific consensus holds to be a good measure of how efficiently your body can use oxygen—thus depending on your heart and lungs being healthy.

    If you use a fitness tracker that tracks your exercise and your heart rate, it will estimate your VO2 Max for you—to truly measure the VO2 Max itself directly, you’ll need a lot more equipment; basically, access to a lab that tests this. But the estimates are fairly accurate, and so good enough for most personal purposes that aren’t hard-science research.

    Next, you’ll want to do this:

    53 Studies Later: The Best Way to Improve VO2 Max

    Take care!

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