How Love Changes Your Brain

When we fall in love, have a romantic attachment, or have a sad breakup, there’s a lot going on neurochemically, and also with different parts of the brain taking the wheel. Dr. Shannon Odell explains:

The neurochemistry of love

Of course, not every love will follow this exact pattern, but here’s perhaps the most common one:

Infatuation stage: This early phase is characterized by obsessive thoughts and a strong desire to be with the person. The ventral tegmental area (VTA), the brain’s reward center, becomes highly active, releasing dopamine, one of the feel-good neurotransmitters, which makes love feel intoxicating, similar to addictive substances. Additionally, activity in the prefrontal cortex, responsible for critical thinking and judgment, decreases, causing people to see their partners through “rose-tinted glasses”. However, this intense stage usually lasts only a few months.

Attachment stage: As the relationship progresses, it shifts into a more stable and long-lasting phase. This stage is driven by oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones that promote trust/bonding and arousal, respectively. These same hormones also play a role in family and friendship connections. Oxytocin, in particular, reduces stress hormones, which is why spending time with a loved one can feel so calming.

Heartbreak stage: When a relationship ends, the insular cortex processes emotional and physical pain, making heartbreak feel as painful as a physical injury. Meanwhile, the VTA remains active, leading to intense longing and cravings for the lost partner, similar to withdrawal symptoms. The stress axis also activates, causing distress and restlessness. Over time, higher brain regions help regulate these emotions. Healing strategies such as exercise, socializing, and listening to music can help by triggering dopamine release and easing the pain of heartbreak.

For more on all of this, enjoy:

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Take care!