Parent Effectiveness Training – by Dr. Thomas Gordon

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Do you want your home (or workplace, for that matter) to be a place of peace? This book literally got the author nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Can’t really get much higher praise than that.

The title is “Parent Effectiveness Training”, but in reality, the advice in the book is applicable to all manner of relationships, including:

  • romantic relationships
  • friends
  • colleagues
  • …and really any human interaction.

It covers some of the same topics we did today (and more) in much more detail than we ever could in a newsletter. It lays out formulae to use, gives plenty of examples, and/but is free from undue padding.

  • Pros: this isn’t one of those “should have been an article” books. It has so much valuable content.
  • Cons: It is from the 1970s* so examples may feel “dated” now.

In addition to going into much more detail on some of the topics covered in today’s issue of 10almonds, Dr. Gordon also talks in-depth about the concept of “problem-ownership”.

In a nutshell, that means: whose problem is a given thing? Who “has” what problem? Everyone needs to be on the same page about everyone else’s problems in the situation… as well as their own, which is not always a given!

Dr. Gordon presents, in short, tools not just to resolve conflict, but also to pre-empt it entirely. With these techniques, we can identify and deal with problems (together!) well before they arise.

Everybody wins.

Get your copy of “Parent Effectiveness Training” from Amazon today!

*Note: There is an updated edition on the market, and that’s what you’ll find upon following the above link. This reviewer (hi!) has a battered old paperback from the 1970s and cannot speak for what was changed in the new edition. However: if the 70s one is worth more than its weight in gold (and it is), the new edition is surely just as good, if not better!

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  • The Kindness Method – by Shahroo Izadi

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Shahroo Izadi here covers everything from alcohol addiction to procrastination to weight loss. It’s a catch-all handbook for changing your habits—in general, and/or in whatever area of your life you most feel you want or need to.

    She herself went from yo-yo dieting to a stable healthy lifestyle, and wants to share with us how she did it. So she took what worked for her, organized and dilstilled it, and named it “the kindness method”, which…

    • promotes positivity not in a “head in the sand” sense but rather: you have strengths, let’s find them and use them
    • offers many exploratory exercises to help you figure out what’s actually going to be best for you
    • plans support in advance—you’re going to be your own greatest ally here

    Basically it’s about:

    • being kind to yourself rather than setting yourself up to fail, and “judging a fish by how well it can climb a tree”
    • being kind to yourself by being compassionate towards your past self and moving on with lessons learned
    • being kind to yourself by getting things in order for your future self, because you need to treat your future self like a loved one

    In fact, why not buy a copy of this book as a gift for your future self?

    Click Here To Order Your Copy of “The Kindness Method” on Amazon Today!

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  • Chili Hot-Bedded Salmon

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This one can be made in less time than it takes to order and receive a Chinese take-out! The principle is simple: it’s a bed of greens giving pride of place to a salmon fillet in a deliciously spicy marinade. So healthwise, we have greens-and-beans, healthy protein and fats, and tasty polyphenols. Experientially, we have food that tastes a lot more decadent than it is!

    You will need

    • 4 salmon fillets (if vegan, substitute firm tofu; see also how to make this no-salmon salmon)
    • 2 bok choy, washed and stems trimmed
    • 7 oz green beans, trimmed
    • 4 oz sugar snap peas
    • 4 spring onions, sliced
    • 2 tbsp chili oil*
    • 1 tbsp soy sauce
    • 1 tsp garlic paste
    • 1 tsp ginger paste
    • 1 tsp black pepper

    *this can be purchased as-is, but if you want to make your own in advance, simply take extra virgin olive oil and infuse it with [finely chopped, red] chili. This is a really good thing to do for commonly-used flavored oils, by the way—chili oil and garlic oil are must-haves in this writer’s opinion; basil oil, sage oil, and rosemary oil, are all excellent things to make and have in, too. Just know, infusing is not quick, so it’s good to do these in batch and make plenty well before you need it. For now, if you don’t have any homemade already, then store-bought is fine 🙂

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Preheat the oven to 360℉/180℃/gas mark 6

    2) Lay out 4 large squares of foil, and put the bok choy, green beans, and sugar snap peas in a little pile in the middle of each one. Put a salmon fillet on top of each (if it has skin, score the skin first, so that juices will be able to penetrate, and put it skin-side down), and then top with the spring onions.

    3) Mix the rest of the ingredients in a small bowl, and then spoon this marinade evenly over each of the fillets (alternatively, if you have occasion to marinade the fillets in advance and let them sit in the marinade in the fridge for some hours before, do so, in which case this step will already be done now, because past-you did it. Yay for past-you!)

    4) Fold up the edges of the foil, making each one an enclosed parcel, gently sealed at the top by folding it over. Put them on a baking tray and bake for about 20 minutes.

    5) Serve! If you’d like some carbs with it, we recommend our tasty versatile rice recipe.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Black Bean Burgers With Guacamole

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Once again proving that burgers do not have to be unhealthy, this one’s a nutritional powerhouse full of protein, fiber, vitamins, and minerals, as well as healthy fats and extra health-giving spices.

    You will need

    • 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed (or 1 cup same, cooked, drained, and rinsed)
    • 3 oz walnuts (if allergic, substitute with pumpkin seeds)
    • 1 tbsp chia seeds
    • 1 tbsp flax seeds
    • ½ red onion, finely chopped
    • 1 small eggplant, diced small (e.g. ½” cubes or smaller)
    • 1 small carrot, grated
    • 3 tbsp finely chopped cilantro (or if you have the “this tastes like soap” gene, then substitute with parsley)
    • 1 tbsp lemon juice
    • 1 jalapeño pepper, finely chopped (adjust per heat preferences)
    • ¼ bulb garlic, crushed
    • 2 tsp black pepper
    • 1 tsp smoked paprika
    • 1 tsp cayenne pepper (adjust per heat preferences)
    • ½ tsp MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
    • Burger buns (you can use our Delicious Quinoa Avocado Bread recipe if you like)

    For the guacamole:

    • 1 large ripe avocado, pitted, skinned, and chopped
    • 1 tbsp lime juice
    • 1 tomato, finely chopped
    • ¼ red onion, finely chopped
    • ¼ bulb garlic, crushed
    • 1 tsp red chili pepper flakes (adjust per heat preferences)

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Process the walnuts, chia seeds, and flax seeds in a food processor/blender, until they become a coarse mixture. Set aside.

    2) Heat a little oil in a skillet, and fry the red onion, aubergine, and carrot for 5 minutes stirring frequently, then add the garlic and jalapeño and stir for a further 1 minute. Set aside.

    3) Combine both mixtures you set aside with the rest of the ingredients from the burger section of the recipe, except the buns, and process them in the food processor on a low setting if possible, until you have a coarse mixture—you still want some texture, not a paste.

    4) Shape into patties; this recipe gives for 4 large patties or 8 small ones. When you’ve done this, put them in the fridge for at least 30 minutes, to firm up.

    5) While you wait, make the guacamole by mashing the avocado with the lime juice, and then stirring into the onion, tomato, garlic, and pepper.

    6) Cook the patties; you can do this on the grill, in a skillet, or in the oven, per your preference. Grilling or frying should take about 5 minutes on each side, give or take the size and shape of the patties. Baking in the oven should take 20–30 minutes at 400℉ / 200℃ turning over halfway through, but keep an eye on them, because again, the size and shape of the patties will affect this. You may be wondering: aren’t they all going to be patty-shaped? And yes, but for example a wide flat patty will cook more quickly than the same volume of burger mixture in a taller less wide patty.

    7) Assemble! We recommend the order: bottom bun, guacamole, burger patty, any additional toppings you want to add (e.g. more salad, pickles, etc), top bun:

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • Aging Backwards – by Miranda Esmonde-White
  • Habits of a Happy Brain – by Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    There are lots of books on “happy chemicals” and “how to retrain your brain”, so what makes this one different?

    Firstly, it focuses on four “happy chemicals”, not just one:

    • Serotonin
    • Dopamine
    • Oxytocin
    • Endorphins

    It also looks at the role of cortisol, and how it caps off each of those just a little bit, to keep us just a little malcontent.

    Behavioral psychology tends to focus most on dopamine, while prescription pharmaceuticals for happiness (i.e., most antidepressants) tend to focus on serotonin. Here, Dr. Breuning helps us understand the complex interplay of all of the aforementioned chemicals.

    She also clears up many misconceptions, since a lot of people misattribute the functions of each of these.

    Common examples include “I’m doing this for the serotonin!” when the activity is dopaminergic not serotoninergic, or considering dopamine “the love molecule” when oxytocin, or even something else like phenylethylamine would be more appropriate.

    The above may seem like academic quibbles and not something of practical use, but if we want to biohack our brains, we need to do better than the equivalent of a chef who doesn’t know the difference between salt and sugar.

    Where things are of less practical use, she tends to skip over or at least streamline them. For example, she doesn’t really discuss the role of post-dopamine prolactin in men—but the discussion of post-happiness cortisol covers the same ground anyway, for practical purposes.

    Dr. Breuning also looks at where our evolved neurochemical responses go wrong, and lays out guidelines for such challenges as overcoming addiction, or embracing delayed gratification.

    Bottom line: this book is a great user-manual for the brain. If you’d like to be happier and more effective with fewer bad habits, this is the book for you.

    Click here to check out Habits of a Happy Brain, and get biohacking yours!

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  • Owning Your Weight – by Henri Marcoux

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    A lot of diet books—which this isn’t—presuppose that the reader wants to lose weight, and varyingly encourage and shame the reader into trying to do so.

    Dr. Henri Marcoux takes a completely different approach.

    He starts by assuming we are—whether consciously or not—the weight we want to be, and looks at the various physical and psychological factors that influence us to such. Ranging from food poverty to eating our feelings to social factors and more, he bids us examine our relationship with food and eating—not just in the sense of mindful eating, but from multiple scientific angles too.

    From this, Dr. Marcoux gives us questions and suggestions to ensure that our relationship with food and eating is what we want it to be, for us.

    Much of the latter part of the book covers not just how to go about the requisite lifestyle changes… But also how to implement things in a way that sticks, and is a genuine pleasure to implement. If this sounds over-the-top, the truth is that it’s just because it honestly is a lower-stress way of living.

    Bottom line: if you want to gain or lose weight, there’s a good chance this book will help you. If you want to be happier and healthier at the weight you are, there’s a good chance this book will help you with that, too.

    Click here to check out Owning Your Weight, and take control of yours!

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  • Mythbusting Moldy Food

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Most Food Should Not Be Fuzzy

    In yesterday’s newsletter, we asked you for your policy when it comes to mold on food (aside from intentional mold, e.g. blue cheese etc), and the responses were interesting:

    • About 49% said “throw the whole thing away no matter what it is; it is dangerous
    • About 24% said “cut the mold off and eat the rest of whatever it is
    • The remainder were divided equally between “eat it all; keep the immune system on its toes” and “cut the mold off bread, but moldy animal products are dangerous

    So what does the science say?

    Some molds are safe to eat: True or False?

    True! We don’t think this is contentious so we’ll not spend much time on it, but just for the sake of being methodical: foods that are supposed to have mold on, including many kinds of cheese and even some kinds of cured meat (salami is an example; that powdery coating is mold).

    We could give a big list of safe and unsafe molds, but that would be a list of names and let’s face it, they don’t introduce themselves by name.

    However! The litmus test of “is it safe to eat” is:

    Did you acquire it with this mold already in place and exactly as expected and advertised?

    • If so, it is safe to eat (unless you have an allergy or such)
    • If not, it is almost certainly not safe to eat

    (more on why, later)

    The “sniff test” is a good way to tell if moldy food is bad: True or False?

    False. Very false. Because of how the sense of smell works.

    You may feel like smell is a way of knowing about something at a distance, but the only way you can smell something is if particles of it are physically connecting with your olfactory receptors inside you. Yes, that has unfortunate implications about bathroom smells, but for now, let’s keep our attention in the kitchen.

    If you sniff a moldy item of food, you will now have its mold spores inside your respiratory system. You absolutely do not want them there.

    If we cut off the mold, the rest is safe to eat: True or False?

    True or False, depending on what it is:

    • Hard vegetables (e.g carrots, cabbage), and hard cheeses (e.g. Gruyère, Gouda) – cut off with an inch margin, and it should be safe
    • Soft vegetables (e.g. tomatoes, and any vegetables that were hard but are now soft after cooking) – discard entirely; it is unsafe
    • Anything elsediscard entirely; it is unsafe

    The reason for this is because in the case of the hard products mentioned, the mycelium roots of the mold cannot penetrate far.

    In the case of the soft products mentioned, the surface mold is “the tip of the iceberg”, and the mycelium roots, which you will not usually be able to see, will penetrate the rest of it.

    Anything else” seems like quite a sweeping statement, but fruits, soft cheeses, yogurt, liquids, jams and jellies, cooked grains and pasta, meats, and yes, bread, are all things where the roots can penetrate deeply and easily. Regardless of you only being able to see a small amount, the whole thing is probably moldy.

    The USDA has a handy downloadable factsheet:

    Molds On Food: Are They Dangerous?

    Eating a little mold is good for the immune system: True or False?

    False, generally. There are of course countless types of mold, but not only are many of them pathogenic (mycotoxins), but also, a food that has mold will usually also have pathogenic bacteria along with the mold.

    See for example: Occurrence, Toxicity, and Analysis of Major Mycotoxins in Food

    Food poisoning will never make you healthier.

    But penicillin is safe to eat: True or False?

    False, and also penicillin is not the mold on your bread (or other foods).

    Penicillin, an antibiotic* molecule, is produced by some species of Penicillium sp., a mold. There are hundreds of known species of Penicillium sp., and most of them are toxic, usually in multiple ways. Take for example:

    Penicillium roqueforti PR toxin gene cluster characterization

    *it is also not healthy to consume antibiotics unless it is seriously necessary. Antibiotics will wipe out most of your gut’s “good bacteria”, leaving you vulnerable. People have died from C. diff infections for this reason. So obviously, if you really need to take antibiotics, take them as directed, but if not, don’t.

    See also: Four Ways Antibiotics Can Kill You

    One last thing…

    It may be that someone reading this is thinking “I’ve eaten plenty of mold, and I’m fine”. Or perhaps someone you tell about this will say that.

    But there are two reasons this logic is flawed:

    • Survivorship bias (like people who smoke and live to 102; we just didn’t hear from the 99.9% of people who smoke and die early)
    • Being unaware of illness is not being absent of illness. Anyone who’s had an alarming diagnosis of something that started a while ago will know this, of course. It’s also possible to be “low-level ill” often and get used to it as a baseline for health. It doesn’t mean it’s not harmful for you.

    Stay safe!

    Don’t Forget…

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