Daily, Weekly, Monthly: Habits Against Aging

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Dr. Anil Rajani has advice on restoring/retaining youthfulness. Two out of three of the sections are on skincare specifically, which may seem a vanity, but it’s also worth remembering that our skin is a very large and significant organ, and makes a big difference for the rest of our physical health, as well as our mental health. So, it’s worthwhile to look after it:

The recommendations

Daily: meditation practice

Meditation reduces stress, which reduction in turn protects telomere length, slowing the overall aging process in every living cell of the body.

Weekly: skincare basics

Dr. Rajani recommends a combination of retinol and glycolic acid. The former to accelerate cell turnover, stimulate collagen production, and reduce wrinkles; the latter, to exfoliate dead cells, allowing the retinol to do its job more effectively.

We at 10almonds would like to add: wearing sunscreen with SPF50 is a very good thing to do on any day that your phone’s weather app says the UV index is “moderate” or higher.

Monthly: skincare extras

Here are the real luxuries; spa visits, microneedling (stimulates collagen production), and non-ablative laser therapy. He recommends creating a home spa if possible for monthly skincare treatments, investing in high-quality devices for long-term benefits.

For more on all of these things, enjoy:

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  • Psychology Sunday Rewind: Healing Family Rifts

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    Estrangement, And How To Heal It

    The following article was first published a little under six months ago, and it proved to be our most popular “Psychology Sunday” article of the year.

    We republish it today, in case it might also be of value to readers who have joined us since

    Having written before about how deleterious to the health loneliness and isolation can be, and what things can be done about it, we had a request to write about…

    ❝Reconciliation of relationships in particular estrangement mother adult daughter❞

    And, this is not only an interesting topic, but a very specific one that affects more people than is commonly realized!

    In fact, a recent 800-person study found that more than 43% of people experienced family estrangement of one sort or another, and a more specific study of more than 2,000 mother-child pairs found that more than 11% of mothers were estranged from at least one adult child.

    So, if you think of the ten or so houses nearest to you, probably at least one of them contains a parent estranged from at least one adult child. Maybe it’s yours. Either way, we hope this article will give you some pause for thought.

    Which way around?

    It makes a difference to the usefulness of this article whether any given reader experiencing estrangement is the parent or the adult child. We’re going to assume the reader is the parent. It also makes a difference who did the estranging. That’s usually the adult child.

    So, we’re broadly going to write with that expectation.

    Why does it happen?

    When our kids are small, we as parents hold all the cards. It may not always feel that way, but we do. We control our kids’ environment, we influence their learning, we buy the food they eat and the clothes they wear. If they want to go somewhere, we probably have to take them. We can even set and enforce rules on a whim.

    As they grow, so too does their independence, and it can be difficult for us as parents to relinquish control, but we’re going to have to at some point. Assuming we are good parents, we just hope we’ve prepared them well enough for the world.

    Once they’ve flown the nest and are living their own adult lives, there’s an element of inversion. They used to be dependent on us; now, not only do they not need us (this is a feature not a bug! If we have been good parents, they will be strong without us, and in all likelihood one day, they’re going to have to be), but also…

    We’re more likely to need them, now. Not just in the “oh if we have kids they can look after us when we’re old” sense, but in that their social lives are growing as ours are often shrinking, their family growing, while ours, well, it’s the same family but they’re the gatekeepers to that now.

    If we have a good relationship, this goes fine. However, it might only take one big argument, one big transgression, or one “final straw”, when the adult child decides the parent is more trouble than they’re worth.

    And, obviously, that’s going to hurt. But it’s pretty much how it pans out, according to studies:

    Here be science: Tensions in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship: Links to Solidarity and Ambivalence

    How to fix it, step one

    First, figure out what went wrong.

    Resist any urge to protect your own feelings with a defensive knee-jerk “I don’t know; I was a good, loving parent”. That’s a very natural and reasonable urge and you’re quite possibly correct, but it won’t help you here.

    Something pushed them away. And, it will almost certainly have been a push factor from you, not a pull factor from whoever is in their life now. It’s easy to put the blame externally, but that won’t fix anything.

    And, be honest with yourself; this isn’t a job interview where we have to present a strength dressed up as a “greatest weakness” for show.

    You can start there, though! If you think “I was too loving”, then ok, how did you show that love? Could it have felt stifling to them? Controlling? Were you critical of their decisions?

    It doesn’t matter who was right or wrong, or even whether or not their response was reasonable. It matters that you know what pushed them away.

    How to fix it, step two

    Take responsibility, and apologize. We’re going to assume that your estrangement is such that you can, at least, still get a letter to them, for example. Resist the urge to argue your case.

    Here’s a very good format for an apology; please consider using this template:

    The 10-step (!) apology that’s so good, you’ll want to make a note of it

    You may have to do some soul-searching to find how you will avoid making the same mistake in the future, that you did in the past.

    If you feel it’s something you “can’t change”, then you must decide what is more important to you. Only you can make that choice, but you cannot expect them to meet you halfway. They already made their choice. In the category of negotiation, they hold all the cards now.

    How to fix it, step three

    Now, just wait.

    Maybe they will reply, forgiving you. If they do, celebrate!

    Just be aware that once you reconnect is not the time to now get around to arguing your case from before. It will never be the time to get around to arguing your case from before. Let it go.

    Nor should you try to exact any sort of apology from them for estranging you, or they will at best feel resentful, wonder if they made a mistake in reconnecting, and withdraw.

    Instead, just enjoy what you have. Many people don’t get that.

    If they reply with anger, maybe it will be a chance to reopen a dialogue. If so, family therapy could be an approach useful for all concerned, if they are willing. Chances are, you all have things that you’d all benefit from talking about in a calm, professional, moderated, neutral environment.

    You might also benefit from a book we reviewed previously, “Parent Effectiveness Training”. This may seem like “shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted”, but in fact it’s a very good guide to relationship dynamics in general, and extensively covers relations between parents and adult children.

    If they don’t reply, then, you did your part. Take solace in knowing that much.

    Some final thoughts:

    At the end of the day, as parents, our kids living well is (hopefully) testament to that we prepared them well for life, and sometimes, being a parent is a thankless task.

    But, we (hopefully) didn’t become parents for the plaudits, after all.

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  • How to Find Happiness In Yourself – by Michelle Mann

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    A lot of books about happiness tell you what to pursue, generally. What things to focus on, and that’s good, but incomplete. This book does cover those things too (complete with academic sources to back up what really works), but also goes further:

    Michelle Mann gives 25 key habits that will cumulatively build happiness, which is what it’s really about. After all:

    • If you watch your favourite movie, you’ll be happy for 90 minutes (or 9 hours if it’s The Lord of the Rings).
    • If you build daily habits that add happiness to you, your surroundings, and those around you, you’ll be happy for life.

    They do also cover happiness while going through difficult times, such as divorce, job loss, illness, or bereavement.

    Sometimes, knowing what we “should” do in theory is the easy part. Where Mann excels here is in providing explanations of each habit. This means that rather than it being some platitude, the principles underlying it are truly understood… and thus motivate us to actually apply the advice and build the habits into our life.

    While the explanations are therefore the greatest value of the book, we do recommend copying out the 25 habits (which are effectively subchapter headings) and putting them somewhere to read often.

    Bottom line: we recommend getting yourself (and/or your loved ones!) a copy of this book. You (and/or they) will be happy you did!

    Order “How to Find Happiness In Yourself: 25 Habits Guaranteed to Help You Live a Happier Life” on Amazon today!

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  • Black Forest Chia Pudding

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    This pudding tastes so decadent, it’s hard to believe it’s so healthy, but it is! Not only is it delicious, it’s also packed with nutrients including protein, carbohydrates, healthy fats (including omega-3s), fiber, vitamins, minerals, and assorted antioxidant polyphenols. Perfect dessert or breakfast!

    You will need

    • 1½ cups pitted fresh or thawed-from-frozen cherries
    • ½ cup mashed banana
    • 3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
    • 2 tbsp chia seeds, ground
    • Optional: 2 pitted dates, soaked in hot water for 10 minutes and then drained (include these if you prefer a sweeter pudding)
    • Garnish: a few almonds, and/or berries, and/or cherries and/or cacao nibs

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Blend the ingredients except for the chia seeds and the garnish, with ½ cup of water, until completely smooth

    2) Divide into two small bowls or glass jars

    3) Add 1 tbsp ground chia seeds to each, and stir until evenly distributed

    4) Add the garnish and refrigerate overnight or at least for some hours. There’s plenty of wiggle-room here, so make it at your convenience and serve at your leisure.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Growing Young – by Marta Zaraska

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This one will be a slightly mixed review, but we think the book has more than enough of value to make it a very worthwhile read.

    The premise of the book is that, as the subtitle suggests, positive social qualities increase personal longevity.

    Author (and science journalist) Marta Zaraska looks at a lot of research to back this up, and also did a lot of travelling and digging into stories. This is of great value, because she notes where a lot of misconceptions have arisen.

    To give one example, it’s commonly noted that marriage (or as-though-marriage life partnerships) is generally* associated with longer life.

    *Statistics suggest that marriage-related longevity is enjoyed by men married to women, and people in same-sex marriages regardless of gender, but is not so much the case for women married to men.

    However! Zaraska notes a factor she learned from Gottman’s research (yes, that Gottman), that what matters is not the official status of a relationship, so much as the sense of secure lifelong commitment to it.

    These kinds of observations (throughout the book) add an extra layer beyond “common wisdom”, and allow us to better understand what’s really going on. The book’s main weaknesses, meanwhile, are twofold:

    • The author is (in this reviewer’s opinion) unduly dismissive of physical health lifestyle factors such as diet and exercise, because they “only” account for a similar bonus to healthy longevity.
    • Like many, she does not always consider where correlation might not mean causation. For example, she cites that volunteering free time increases healthspan by 22%, but neglects to note that perhaps it is having the kind of socioeconomic situation that allows one free time to volunteer, that gives the benefit.

    Bottom line: the book has its flaws, but we think that only serves to make it more engaging. After all, reading should not be a purely passive activity! Zaraska’s well-studied insights give plenty of pointers for tweaking the social side of anyone’s quest for healthy longevity.

    Click here to check out Growing Young, increase your healthspan, and take joy in doing it!

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  • Say That Again: Using Hearing Aids Can Be Frustrating for Older Adults, but Necessary

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    It was an every-other-day routine, full of frustration.

    Every time my husband called his father, who was 94 when he died in 2022, he’d wait for his dad to find his hearing aids and put them in before they started talking.

    Even then, my father-in-law could barely hear what my husband was saying. “What?” he’d ask over and over.

    Then, there were the problems my father-in-law had replacing the devices’ batteries. And the times he’d end up in the hospital, unable to understand what people were saying because his hearing aids didn’t seem to be functioning. And the times he’d drop one of the devices and be unable to find it.

    How many older adults have problems of this kind?

    There’s no good data about this topic, according to Nicholas Reed, an assistant professor of epidemiology at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health who studies hearing loss. He did a literature search when I posed the question and came up empty.

    Reed co-authored the most definitive study to date of hearing issues in older Americans, published in JAMA Open Network last year. Previous studies excluded people 80 and older. But data became available when a 2021 survey by the National Health and Aging Trends Study included hearing assessments conducted at people’s homes.

    The results, based on a nationally representative sample of 2,803 people 71 and older, are eye-opening. Hearing problems become pervasive with advancing age, exceeding 90% in people 85 and older, compared with 53% of 71- to 74-year-olds. Also, hearing worsens over time, with more people experiencing moderate or severe deficits once they reach or exceed age 80, compared with people in their 70s.

    However, only 29% of those with hearing loss used hearing aids. Multiple studies have documented barriers that inhibit use. Such devices, which Medicare doesn’t cover, are pricey, from nearly $1,000 for a good over-the-counter set (OTC hearing aids became available in 2022) to more than $6,000 for some prescription models. In some communities, hearing evaluation services are difficult to find. Also, people often associate hearing aids with being old and feel self-conscious about wearing them. And they tend to underestimate hearing problems that develop gradually.

    Barbara Weinstein, a professor of audiology at the City University of New York Graduate Center and author of the textbook “Geriatric Audiology,” added another concern to this list when I reached out to her: usability.

    “Hearing aids aren’t really designed for the population that most needs to use them,” she told me. “The move to make devices smaller and more sophisticated technologically isn’t right for many people who are older.”

    That’s problematic because hearing loss raises the risk of cognitive decline, dementia, falls, depression, and social isolation.

    What advice do specialists in hearing health have for older adults who have a hard time using their hearing aids? Here are some thoughts they shared.

    Consider larger, customized devices. Many older people, especially those with arthritis, poor fine motor skills, compromised vision, and some degree of cognitive impairment, have a hard time manipulating small hearing aids and using them properly.

    Lindsay Creed, associate director of audiology practices at the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, said about half of her older clients have “some sort of dexterity issue, whether numbness or reduced movement or tremor or a lack of coordination.” Shekinah Mast, owner of Mast Audiology Services in Seaford, Delaware, estimates nearly half of her clients have vision issues.

    For clients with dexterity challenges, Creed often recommends “behind-the-ear hearing aids,” with a loop over the ear, and customized molds that fit snugly in the ear. Customized earpieces are larger than standardized models.

    “The more dexterity challenges you have, the better you’ll do with a larger device and with lots of practice picking it up, orienting it, and putting it in your ear,” said Marquitta Merkison, associate director of audiology practices at ASHA.

    For older people with vision issues, Mast sometimes orders hearing aids in different colors for different ears. Also, she’ll help clients set up stands at home for storing devices, chargers, and accessories so they can readily find them each time they need them.

    Opt for ease of use. Instead of buying devices that require replacing tiny batteries, select a device that can be charged overnight and operate for at least a day before being recharged, recommended Thomas Powers, a consultant to the Hearing Industries Association. These are now widely available.

    People who are comfortable using a smartphone should consider using a phone app to change volume and other device settings. Dave Fabry, chief hearing health officer at Starkey, a major hearing aid manufacturer, said he has patients in their 80s and 90s “who’ve found that being able to hold a phone and use larger visible controls is easier than manipulating the hearing aid.”

    If that’s too difficult, try a remote control. GN ReSound, another major manufacturer, has designed one with two large buttons that activate the volume control and programming for its hearing aids, said Megan Quilter, the company’s lead audiologist for research and development.

    Check out accessories. Say you’re having trouble hearing other people in restaurants. You can ask the person across the table to clip a microphone to his shirt or put the mike in the center of the table. (The hearing aids will need to be programmed to allow the sound to be streamed to your ears.)

    Another low-tech option: a hearing aid clip that connects to a piece of clothing to prevent a device from falling to the floor if it becomes dislodged from the ear.

    Wear your hearing aids all day. “The No. 1 thing I hear from older adults is they think they don’t need to put on their hearing aids when they’re at home in a quiet environment,” said Erika Shakespeare, who owns Audiology and Hearing Aid Associates in La Grande, Oregon.

    That’s based on a misunderstanding. Our brains need regular, not occasional, stimulation from our environments to optimize hearing, Shakespeare explained. This includes noises in seemingly quiet environments, such as the whoosh of a fan, the creak of a floor, or the wind’s wail outside a window.

    “If the only time you wear hearing aids is when you think you need them, your brain doesn’t know how to process all those sounds,” she told me. Her rule of thumb: “Wear hearing aids all your waking hours.”

    Consult a hearing professional. Everyone’s needs are different, so it’s a good idea to seek out an audiologist or hearing specialist who, for a fee, can provide guidance.

    “Most older people are not going to know what they need” and what options exist without professional assistance, said Virginia Ramachandran, the head of audiology at Oticon, a major hearing aid manufacturer, and a past president of the American Academy of Audiology.

    Her advice to older adults: Be “really open” about your challenges.

    If you can’t afford hearing aids, ask a hearing professional for an appointment to go over features you should look for in over-the-counter devices. Make it clear you want the appointment to be about your needs, not a sales pitch, Reed said. Audiology practices don’t routinely offer this kind of service, but there’s good reason to ask since Medicare started covering once-a-year audiologist consultations last year.

    We’re eager to hear from readers about questions you’d like answered, problems you’ve been having with your care, and advice you need in dealing with the health care system. Visit http://kffhealthnews.org/columnists to submit your requests or tips.

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

    Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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  • Why Adult ADHD Often Leads To Anxiety & Depression

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    ADHD’s Knock-On Effects On Mental Health

    We’ve written before about ADHD in adult life, often late-diagnosed because it’s not quite what people think it is:

    ADHD… As An Adult?

    In women in particular, it can get missed and/or misdiagnosed:

    Miss Diagnosis: Anxiety, ADHD, & Women

    …but what we’re really here to talk about today is:

    It’s the comorbidities that get you

    When it comes to physical health conditions:

    • if you have one serious condition, it will (usually) be taken seriously
    • if you have two, they will still be taken seriously, but people (friends and family members, as well as yes, medical professionals) will start to back off, as it starts to get too complicated for comfort
    • if you have three, people will think you are making at least one of them up for attention now
    • if you have more than three, you are considered a hypochondriac and pathological liar

    Yet, the reality is: having one serious condition increases your chances of having others, and this chance-increasing feature compounds with each extra condition.

    Illustrative example: you have fibromyalgia (ouch) which makes it difficult for you to exercise much, shop around when grocery shopping, and do much cooking at home. You do your best, but your diet slips and it’s hard to care when you just want the pain to stop; you put on some weight, and get diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, which in time becomes diabetes with high cardiovascular risk factors. Your diabetes is immunocompromising; you get COVID and find it’s now Long COVID, which brings about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, when you barely had the spoons to function in the first place. At this point you’ve lost count of conditions and are just trying to get through the day.

    If this is you, by the way, we hope at least something in the following might ease things for you a bit:

    It’s the same for mental health

    In the case of ADHD as a common starting point (because it’s quite common, may or may not be diagnosed until later in life, and doesn’t require any external cause to appear), it is very common that it will lead to anxiety and/or depression, to the point that it’s perhaps more common to also have one or more of them than not, if you have ADHD.

    (Of course, anxiety and/or depression can both pop up for completely unrelated reasons too, and those reasons may be physiological, environmental, or a combination of the above).

    Why?

    Because all the good advice that goes for good mental health (and/or life in general), gets harder to actuate when one had ADHD.

    • “Strong habits are the core of a good life”, but good luck with that if your brain doesn’t register dopamine in the same way as most people’s do, making intentional habit-forming harder on a physiological level.
    • “Plan things carefully and stick to the plan”, but good luck with that if you are neurologically impeded from forming plans.
    • “Just do it”, but oops you have the tendency-to-overcommitment disorder and now you are seriously overwhelmed with all the things you tried to do, when each of them alone were already going to be a challenge.

    Overwhelm and breakdown are almost inevitable.

    And when they happen, chances are you will alienate people, and/or simply alienate yourself. You will hide away, you will avoid inflicting yourself on others, you will brood alone in frustration—or distract yourself with something mind-numbing.

    Before you know it, you’re too anxious to try to do things with other people or generally show your face to the world (because how will they react, and won’t you just mess things up anyway?), and/or too depressed to leave your depression-lair (because maybe if you keep playing Kingdom Vegetables 2, you can find a crumb of dopamine somewhere).

    What to do about it

    How to tackle the many-headed beast? By the heads! With your eyes open. Recognize and acknowledge each of the heads; you can’t beat those heads by sticking your own in the sand.

    Also, get help. Those words are often used to mean therapy, but in this case we mean, any help. Enlist your partner or close friend as your support in your mental health journey. Enlist a cleaner as your support in taking that one thing off your plate, if that’s an option and a relevant thing for you. Set low but meaningful goals for deciding what constitutes “good enough” for each life area. Decide in advance what you can safely half-ass, and what things in life truly require your whole ass.

    Here’s a good starting point for that kind of thing:

    When You Know What You “Should” Do (But Knowing Isn’t The Problem)

    And this is an excellent way to “get the ball rolling” if you’re already in a bit of a prison of your own making:

    Behavioral Activation Against Depression & Anxiety

    If things are already bad, then you might also consider:

    And if things are truly at the worst they can possibly be, then:

    How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

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