Better Sex Through Mindfulness – by Dr. Lori Brotto
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Female sexuality is such a taboo topic that, if one searches for (ob/gyn professor, women’s health research director, and psychologist) Dr. Brotto’s book on Google or Amazon, it suggests only “lori brotto mindfulness book”. So, for those brave enough to read a book that would have shocked Victorians, what does this one contain?
The focus is on, as the title suggests, better sex, by and for women. That said, it’s mostly because typically women are more likely to experience the problems described in the book; it’s nothing actually intrinsic to womanhood. A man with the same problems could read this book and benefit just the same.
While the book covers many possible problems between the sheets, the overarching theme is problems of the mind, such as:
- Not getting into the mood in the first place
- Losing the mood quickly and easily, such as by becoming distracted
- Difficulty achieving orgasm even when mechanically everything’s delightful
- Physical discomfort creating a barrier to enjoyment
…and yes, that last one is in part mind-stuff too! Though Dr. Brotto isn’t arguing that mindfulness is a panacea, just an incredibly useful tool. And, it’s one she not only explains very well, but also explains from the position of a wealth of scientific evidence… Enough so, that we see a one-star Amazon reviewer from Canada complained that it was too well-referenced! For us, though, it’s what we like to see.
Good science, presented clearly and usefully, giving practical tips that improve people’s lives.
Bottom line: if you’ve ever lost the mood because you got distracted into thinking about taxes or that meeting on Tuesday, this is the book for you.
Click here to check out Better Sex Through Mindfulness—you can thank us later!
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The Only Exercise You Need To Strengthen Every Hip Muscle (Ages 50+)
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One exercise, no equipment, and easy to do without even getting changed:
You may be on the fence about this one
Standing on one leg is great, of course, and then…
Basic exercise:
- Imagine stepping over an electric fence side to side.
- Lift each leg high but slowly to engage hip muscles.
- Adjust the height and speed based on ease/difficulty.
Variations:
- Step over an imaginary side fence.
- Step over an imaginary front fence.
- Step sideways in the opposite direction.
- Step backward to complete a square.
- Ensure both legs are worked evenly.
As a bonus, it also improves balance!
For more on all this plus visual demonstrations, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like:
How Tight Are Your Hips? Test (And Fix!) With This
Take care!
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Black Beans vs Fava Beans – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing black beans to fava beans, we picked the black beans.
Why?
In terms of macros, black beans have more protein, carbs, and notably more fiber, the ratio of the latter two also being such that black beans enjoy the lower glycemic index (but both are still good). All in all, a clear win for black beans in this category.
In the category of vitamins, black beans have more of vitamins B1, B5, B6, E, K, and choline, while fava beans have more of vitamins A, B2, B3, B9, and C. That’s a marginal 6:5 win for black beans, before we take into account that they also have 43x as much vitamin E, which is quite a margin, while fava beans doesn’t have any similarly stand-out nutrient. So, another clear win for black beans.
When it comes to minerals, black beans have more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, and potassium, while fava beans have more manganese, selenium, and zinc. Superficially this is a 6:3 win for black beans; it’s worth noting however that the margins aren’t high on either side in the case of any mineral, so this one’s closer than it looks. Still a win for black beans, though.
Adding up the sections makes for an easy overall win for black beans, but by all means, enjoy either or both—diversity is good!
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
Eat More (Of This) For Lower Blood Pressure
Take care!
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We don’t all need regular skin cancer screening – but you can know your risk and check yourself
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Australia has one of the highest skin cancer rates globally, with nearly 19,000 Australians diagnosed with invasive melanoma – the most lethal type of skin cancer – each year.
While advanced melanoma can be fatal, it is highly treatable when detected early.
But Australian clinical practice guidelines and health authorities do not recommend screening for melanoma in the general population.
Given our reputation as the skin cancer capital of the world, why isn’t there a national screening program? Australia currently screens for breast, cervical and bowel cancer and will begin lung cancer screening in 2025.
It turns out the question of whether to screen everyone for melanoma and other skin cancers is complex. Here’s why.
Pixel-Shot/Shutterstock The current approach
On top of the 19,000 invasive melanoma diagnoses each year, around 28,000 people are diagnosed with in-situ melanoma.
In-situ melanoma refers to a very early stage melanoma where the cancerous cells are confined to the outer layer of the skin (the epidermis).
Instead of a blanket screening program, Australia promotes skin protection, skin awareness and regular skin checks (at least annually) for those at high risk.
About one in three Australian adults have had a clinical skin check within the past year.
Those with fairer skin or a family history may be at greater risk of skin cancer. Halfpoint/Shutterstock Why not just do skin checks for everyone?
The goal of screening is to find disease early, before symptoms appear, which helps save lives and reduce morbidity.
But there are a couple of reasons a national screening program is not yet in place.
We need to ask:
1. Does it save lives?
Many researchers would argue this is the goal of universal screening. But while universal skin cancer screening would likely lead to more melanoma diagnoses, this might not necessarily save lives. It could result in indolent (slow-growing) cancers being diagnosed that might have never caused harm. This is known as “overdiagnosis”.
Screening will pick up some cancers people could have safely lived with, if they didn’t know about them. The difficulty is in recognising which cancers are slow-growing and can be safely left alone.
Receiving a diagnosis causes stress and is more likely to lead to additional medical procedures (such as surgeries), which carry their own risks.
2. Is it value for money?
Implementing a nationwide screening program involves significant investment and resources. Its value to the health system would need to be calculated, to ensure this is the best use of resources.
Narrower targets for better results
Instead of screening everyone, targeting high-risk groups has shown better results. This focuses efforts where they’re needed most. Risk factors for skin cancer include fair skin, red hair, a history of sunburns, many moles and/or a family history.
Research has shown the public would be mostly accepting of a risk-tailored approach to screening for melanoma.
There are moves underway to establish a national targeted skin cancer screening program in Australia, with the government recently pledging $10.3 million to help tackle “the most common cancer in our sunburnt country, skin cancer” by focusing on those at greater risk.
Currently, Australian clinical practice guidelines recommend doctors properly evaluate all patients for their future risk of melanoma.
Looking with new technological eyes
Technological advances are improving the accuracy of skin cancer diagnosis and risk assessment.
For example, researchers are investigating 3D total body skin imaging to monitor changes to spots and moles over time.
Artificial intelligence (AI) algorithms can analyse images of skin lesions, and support doctors’ decision making.
Genetic testing can now identify risk markers for more personalised screening.
And telehealth has made remote consultations possible, increasing access to specialists, particularly in rural areas.
Check yourself – 4 things to look for
Skin cancer can affect all skin types, so it’s a good idea to become familiar with your own skin. The Skin Cancer College Australasia has introduced a guide called SCAN your skin, which tells people to look for skin spots or areas that are:
1. sore (scaly, itchy, bleeding, tender) and don’t heal within six weeks
2. changing in size, shape, colour or texture
3. abnormal for you and look different or feel different, or stand out when compared to your other spots and moles
4. new and have appeared on your skin recently. Any new moles or spots should be checked, especially if you are over 40.
If something seems different, make an appointment with your doctor.
You can self-assess your melanoma risk online via the Melanoma Institute Australia or QIMR Berghofer Medical Research Institute.
H. Peter Soyer, Professor of Dermatology, The University of Queensland; Anne Cust, Professor of Cancer Epidemiology, The Daffodil Centre and Melanoma Institute Australia, University of Sydney; Caitlin Horsham, Research Manager, The University of Queensland, and Monika Janda, Professor in Behavioural Science, The University of Queensland
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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What’s Missing from Medicine – by Dr. Saray Stancic
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
Another from the ranks of “doctors who got a serious illness and it completely changed how they view the treatment of serious illness”, Dr. Stancic was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and wasn’t impressed with the treatments presented.
Taking an evidence-based lifestyle medicine approach, she was able to not only manage her illness sufficiently to resume her normal activities, but even when so far as to run a marathon, and today boasts a symptom-free, active life.
The subtitular six lifestyle changes are not too shocking, and include a plants-centric diet, good exercise, good sleep, stress management, avoidance of substance abuses, and a fostering of social connections, but the value here is in what she has to say about each, especially the ones that aren’t so self-explanatory and/or can even cause harm if done incorrectly (such as exercise, for example).
The style is on the academic end of pop-science, of the kind that has frequent data tables, lots of statistics, and an extensive bibliography, but is still very readable.
Bottom line: if you are faced with a chronic disease, or even just an increased risk of some chronic disease, or simply like to not take chances, then this is a high-value book for you.
Click here to check out What’s Missing From Medicine, and enjoy chronic good health!
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The Gift Of Aging − by Dr. Elizabeth Eckstrom & Marcy Houle
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This is, as you may gather from the title, a book about getting the most out of growing older, and doing it well.
Not all of it is positive though; some of it really is about avoiding, mitigating, or coping with the negatives that tend to come with aging.
The book is full of many (38) small self-contained chapters, so it’s well-suited to reading bit-by-bit, if so inclined. Essentially, it’s a collection of essays by the two authors, arranged into categories:
- Caring for your mind
- Caring for your body
- Caring for yourself and your family
- Caring for your soul
The first two sections are mostly self-explanatory; the third is largely about estate-planning of various kinds. The fourth is highly subjective, and/but not particularly religious, by the way. It’s largely an add-on to the “caring for your mind” mental health section, but now more specifically dealing with heavy topics such as the emotional side of mortality (as opposed to the previous section’s practical considerations of same), loss, and grief.
The style is the very low end of pop-science; facts (probably true ones; nothing seemed very contentious objectively) are stated with no sources, and there is no medical jargon that’s anything more complicated than you might find on a leaflet in a doctor’s waiting room.
Bottom line: this is a very opinion-filled book, so it’s worth reading with that in mind (i.e. their opinions may differ wildly from yours in some cases), but it’s largely informed opinions, so worth at least considering even in those cases. If nothing else, this book is certainly thought-provoking.
Click here to check out The Gift Of Aging, and enjoy the gift of aging!
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Seriously Useful Communication Skills!
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What Are Communication Skills, Really?
Superficially, communication is “conveying an idea to someone else”. But then again…
Superficially, painting is “covering some kind of surface in paint”, and yet, for some reason, the ceiling you painted at home is not regarded as equally “good painting skills” as Michaelangelo’s, with regard to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
All kinds of “Dark Psychology” enthusiasts on YouTube, authors of “Office Machiavelli” handbooks, etc, tell us that good communication skills are really a matter of persuasive speaking (or writing). And let’s not even get started on “pick-up artist” guides. Bleugh.
Not to get too philosophical, but here at 10almonds, we think that having good communication skills means being able to communicate ideas simply and clearly, and in a way that will benefit as many people as possible.
The implications of this for education are obvious, but what of other situations?
Conflict Resolution
Whether at work or at home or amongst friends or out in public, conflict will happen at some point. Even the most well-intentioned and conscientious partners, family, friends, colleagues, will eventually tread on our toes—or we, on theirs. Often because of misunderstandings, so much precious time will be lost needlessly. It’s good for neither schedule nor soul.
So, how to fix those situations?
I’m OK; You’re OK
In the category of “bestselling books that should have been an article at most”, a top-tier candidate is Thomas Harris’s “I’m OK; You’re OK”.
The (very good) premise of this (rather padded) book is that when seeking to resolve a conflict or potential conflict, we should look for a win-win:
- I’m not OK; you’re not OK ❌
- For example: “Yes, I screwed up and did this bad thing, but you too do bad things all the time”
- I’m OK; you’re not OK ❌
- For example: “It is not I who screwed up; this is actually all your fault”
- I’m not OK; you’re OK ❌
- For example: “I screwed up and am utterly beyond redemption; you should immediately divorce/disown/dismiss/defenestrate me”
- I’m OK; you’re OK ✅
- For example: “I did do this thing which turned out to be incorrect; in my defence it was because you said xyz, but I can understand why you said that, because…” and generally finding a win-win outcome.
So far, so simple.
“I”-Messages
In a conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in “you did this, you did that”, often rushing to assumptions about intent or meaning. And, the closer we are to the person in question, the more emotionally charged, and the more likely we are to do this as a knee-jerk response.
“How could you treat me this way?!” if we are talking to our spouse in a heated moment, perhaps, or “How can you treat a customer this way?!” if it’s a worker at Home Depot.
But the reality is that almost certainly neither our spouse nor the worker wanted to upset us.
Going on the attack will merely put them on the defensive, and they may even launch their own counterattack. It’s not good for anyone.
Instead, what really happened? Express it starting with the word “I”, rather than immediately putting it on the other person. Often our emotions require a little interrogation before they’ll tell us the truth, but it may be something like:
“I expected x, so when you did/said y instead, I was confused and hurt/frustrated/angry/etc”
Bonus: if your partner also understands this kind of communication situation, so much the better! Dark psychology be damned, everything is best when everyone knows the playbook and everyone is seeking the best outcome for all sides.
The Most Powerful “I”-Message Of All
Statements that start with “I” will, unless you are rules-lawyering in bad faith, tend to be less aggressive and thus prompt less defensiveness. An important tool for the toolbox, is:
“I need…”
Softly spoken, firmly if necessary, but gentle. If you do not express your needs, how can you expect anyone to fulfil them? Be that person a partner or a retail worker or anyone else. Probably they want to end the conflict too, so throw them a life-ring and they will (if they can, and are at least halfway sensible) grab it.
- “I need an apology”
- “I need a moment to cool down”
- “I need a refund”
- “I need some reassurance about…” (and detail)
Help the other person to help you!
Everything’s best when it’s you (plural) vs the problem, rather than you (plural) vs each other.
Apology Checklist
Does anyone else remember being forced to write an insincere letter of apology as a child, and the literary disaster that probably followed? As adults, we (hopefully) apologize when and if we mean it, and we want our apology to convey that.
What follows will seem very formal, but honestly, we recommend it in personal life as much as professional. It’s a ten-step apology, and you will forget these steps, so we recommend to copy and paste them into a Notes app or something, because this is of immeasurable value.
It’s good not just for when you want to apologize, but also, for when it’s you who needs an apology and needs to feel it’s sincere. Give your partner (if applicable) a copy of the checklist too!
- Statement of apology—say “I’m sorry”
- Name the offense—say what you did wrong
- Take responsibility for the offense—understand your part in the problem
- Attempt to explain the offense (not to excuse it)—how did it happen and why
- Convey emotions; show remorse
- Address the emotions/damage to the other person—show that you understand or even ask them how it affected them
- Admit fault—understand that you got it wrong and like other human beings you make mistakes
- Promise to be better—let them realize you’re trying to change
- Tell them how you will try to do it different next time and finally
- Request acceptance of the apology
Note: just because you request acceptance of the apology doesn’t mean they must give it. Maybe they won’t, or maybe they need time first. If they’re playing from this same playbook, they might say “I need some time to process this first” or such.
Want to really superpower your relationship? Read this together with your partner:
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, and, as a bonus:
The Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple’s Guide for a Lifetime of Love
Don’t Forget…
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- I’m not OK; you’re not OK ❌
