How to be kind to yourself (without going to a day spa)
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“I have to be hard on myself,” Sarah told me in a recent telehealth psychology session. “I would never reach my potential if I was kind and let myself off the hook.”
I could empathise with this fear of self-compassion from clients such as Sarah (not her real name). From a young age, we are taught to be kind to others, but self-kindness is never mentioned.
Instead, we are taught success hinges on self-sacrifice. And we need a healthy inner critic to bully us forward into becoming increasingly better versions of ourselves.
But research shows there doesn’t have to be a trade-off between self-compassion and success.
Self-compassion can help you reach your potential, while supporting you to face the inevitable stumbles and setbacks along the way.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion has three key ingredients.
1. Self-kindness
This involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend towards a good friend – via your thoughts, feelings and actions – especially during life’s difficult moments.
For instance, if you find yourself fixating on a minor mistake you made at work, self-kindness might involve taking a ten-minute walk to shift focus, and reminding yourself it is OK to make mistakes sometimes, before moving on with your day.
2. Mindfulness
In this context, mindfulness involves being aware of your own experience of stress or suffering, rather than repressing or avoiding your feelings, or over-identifying with them.
Basically, you must see your stress with a clear (mindful) perspective before you can respond with kindness. If we avoid or are consumed by our suffering, we lose perspective.
3. Common humanity
Common humanity involves recognising our own experience of suffering as something that unites us as being human.
For instance, a sleep-deprived parent waking up (for the fourth time) to feed their newborn might choose to think about all the other parents around the world doing exactly the same thing – as opposed to feeling isolated and alone.
It’s not about day spas, or booking a manicure
When Sarah voiced her fear that self-compassion would prevent her success, I explained self-compassion is distinct from self-indulgence.
“So is self-compassion just about booking in more mani/pedis?” Sarah asked.
Not really, I explained. A one-off trip to a day spa is unlikely to transform your mental health.
Instead, self-compassion is a flexible psychological resilience factor that shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.
It’s associated with a suite of benefits to our wellbeing, relationships and health.
baranq/Shutterstock
What does the science say?
Over the past 20 years, we’ve learned self-compassionate people enjoy a wide range of benefits. They tend to be happier and have fewer psychological symptoms of distress.
Those high on self-compassion persevere following a failure. They say they are more motivated to overcome a personal weakness than those low on self-compassion, who are more likely to give up.
So rather than feeling trapped by your inadequacies, self-compassion encourages a growth mindset, helping you reach your potential.
However, self-compassion is not a panacea. It will not change your life circumstances or somehow make life “easy”. It is based on the premise that life is hard, and provides practical tools to cope.
It’s a factor in healthy ageing
I research menopause and healthy ageing and am especially interested in the value of self-compassion through menopause and in the second half of life.
Because self-compassion becomes important during life’s challenges, it can help people navigate physical symptoms (for instance, menopausal hot flushes), life transitions such as divorce, and promote healthy ageing.
I’ve also teamed up with researchers at Autism Spectrum Australia to explore self-compassion in autistic adults.
We found autistic adults report significantly lower levels of self-compassion than neurotypical adults. So we developed an online self-compassion training program for this at-risk population.
Three tips for self-compassion
You can learn self-compassion with these three exercises.
1. What would you say to a friend?
Think back to the last time you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself?
If you notice you’re treating yourself more like an enemy than a friend, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to think about what you might tell a friend, and direct that same friendly language towards yourself.
2. Harness the power of touch
Soothing human touch activates the parasympathetic “relaxation” branch of our nervous system and counteracts the fight or flight response.
Specifically, self-soothing touch (for instance, by placing both hands on your heart, stroking your forearm or giving yourself a hug) reduces cortisol responses to psychosocial stress.
http://krakenimages.com/Shutterstock
3. What do I need right now?
Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out exactly what self-compassion looks like in a given moment. The question “what do I need right now” helps clarify your true needs.
For example, when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I woke up bolt awake one morning at 3am.
Rather than beating myself up about it, or fretting about not getting enough sleep, I gently placed my hands on my heart and took a few deep breaths. By asking myself “what do I need right now?” it became clear that listening to a gentle podcast/meditation fitted the bill (even though I wanted to addictively scroll my phone).
Lydia Brown, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, The University of Melbourne
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Hate salad or veggies? Just keep eating them. Here’s how our tastebuds adapt to what we eat
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Do you hate salad? It’s OK if you do, there are plenty of foods in the world, and lots of different ways to prepare them.
But given almost all of us don’t eat enough vegetables, even though most of us (81%) know eating more vegetables is a simple way to improve our health, you might want to try.
If this idea makes you miserable, fear not, with time and a little effort you can make friends with salad.
Why don’t I like salads?
It’s an unfortunate quirk of evolution that vegetables are so good for us but they aren’t all immediately tasty to all of us. We have evolved to enjoy the sweet or umami (savoury) taste of higher energy foods, because starvation is a more immediate risk than long-term health.
Vegetables aren’t particularly high energy but they are jam-packed with dietary fibre, vitamins and minerals, and health-promoting compounds called bioactives.
Those bioactives are part of the reason vegetables taste bitter. Plant bioactives, also called phytonutrients, are made by plants to protect themselves against environmental stress and predators. The very things that make plant foods bitter, are the things that make them good for us.
Unfortunately, bitter taste evolved to protect us from poisons, and possibly from over-eating one single plant food. So in a way, plant foods can taste like poison.
For some of us, this bitter sensing is particularly acute, and for others it isn’t so bad. This is partly due to our genes. Humans have at least 25 different receptors that detect bitterness, and we each have our own genetic combinations. So some people really, really taste some bitter compounds while others can barely detect them.
This means we don’t all have the same starting point when it comes to interacting with salads and veggies. So be patient with yourself. But the steps toward learning to like salads and veggies are the same regardless of your starting point.
It takes time
We can train our tastes because our genes and our receptors aren’t the end of the story. Repeat exposures to bitter foods can help us adapt over time. Repeat exposures help our brain learn that bitter vegetables aren’t posions.
And as we change what we eat, the enzymes and other proteins in our saliva change too. This changes how different compounds in food are broken down and detected by our taste buds. How exactly this works isn’t clear, but it’s similar to other behavioural cognitive training.
Add masking ingredients
The good news is we can use lots of great strategies to mask the bitterness of vegetables, and this positively reinforces our taste training.
Salt and fat can reduce the perception of bitterness, so adding seasoning and dressing can help make salads taste better instantly. You are probably thinking, “but don’t we need to reduce our salt and fat intake?” – yes, but you will get more nutritional bang-for-buck by reducing those in discretionary foods like cakes, biscuits, chips and desserts, not by trying to avoid them with your vegetables.
Adding heat with chillies or pepper can also help by acting as a decoy to the bitterness. Adding fruits to salads adds sweetness and juiciness, this can help improve the overall flavour and texture balance, increasing enjoyment.
Pairing foods you are learning to like with foods you already like can also help.
The options for salads are almost endless, if you don’t like the standard garden salad you were raised on, that’s OK, keep experimenting.
Experimenting with texture (for example chopping vegetables smaller or chunkier) can also help in finding your salad loves.
Challenge your biases
Challenging your biases can also help the salad situation. A phenomenon called the “unhealthy-tasty intuition” makes us assume tasty foods aren’t good for us, and that healthy foods will taste bad. Shaking that assumption off can help you enjoy your vegetables more.
When researchers labelled vegetables with taste-focused labels, priming subjects for an enjoyable taste, they were more likely to enjoy them compared to when they were told how healthy they were.
The bottom line
Vegetables are good for us, but we need to be patient and kind with ourselves when we start trying to eat more.
Try working with biology and brain, and not against them.
And hold back from judging yourself or other people if they don’t like the salads you do. We are all on a different point of our taste-training journey.
Emma Beckett, Senior Lecturer (Food Science and Human Nutrition), School of Environmental and Life Sciences, University of Newcastle
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Intermittent Fasting In Women
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It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Does intermittent fasting differ for women, and if so, how?❞
For the sake of layout, we’ve put a shortened version of this question here, but the actual wording was as below, and merits sharing in full for context
Went down a rabbit hole on your site and now can’t remember how I got to the “Fasting Without Crashing” article on intermittent fasting so responding to this email lol, but was curious what you find/know about fasting for women specifically? It’s tough for me to sift through and find legitimate studies done on the results of fasting in women, knowing that our bodies are significantly different from men. This came up when discussing with my sister about how I’ve been enjoying fasting 1-2 days/week. She said she wanted more reliable sources of info that that’s good, since she’s read more about how temporary starvation can lead to long-term weight gain due to our bodies feeling the need to store fat. I’ve also read about that, but also that fasting enables more focused autophagy in our bodies, which helps with long-term staving off of diseases/ailments. Curious to know what you all think!
~ 10almonds subscriber
So, first of all, great question! Thanks for asking it
Next up, isn’t it strange? Books come in the format:
- [title]
- [title, for women]
You would not think women are a little over half of the world’s population!
Anyway, there has been some research done on the difference of intermittent fasting in women, but not much.
For example, here’s a study that looked at 1–2 days/week IF, in other words, exactly what you’ve been doing. And, they did have an equal number of men and women in the study… And then didn’t write down whether this made a difference or not! They recorded a lot of data, but neglected to note down who got what per sex:
Here’s a more helpful study, that looked at just women, and concluded:
❝In conclusion, intermittent fasting could be a nutritional strategy to decrease fat mass and increase jumping performance.
However, longer duration programs would be necessary to determine whether other parameters of muscle performance could be positively affected by IF. ❞
~ Dr. Martínez-Rodríguez et al.
Those were “active women”; another study looked at just women who were overweight or obese (we realize that “active women” and “obese or overweight women” is a Venn diagram with some overlap, but still, the different focus is interesting), and concluded:
❝IER is as effective as CER with regard to weight loss, insulin sensitivity and other health biomarkers, and may be offered as an alternative equivalent to CER for weight loss and reducing disease risk.❞
As for your sister’s specific concern about yo-yoing, we couldn’t find studies for this yet, but anecdotally and based on books on Intermittent Fasting, this is not usually an issue people find with IF. This is assumed to be for exactly the reason you mention, the increased cellular apoptosis and autophagy—increasing cellular turnover is very much the opposite of storing fat!
You might, by the way, like Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “Fast Like A Girl”, which we reviewed previously
Take care!
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Mango vs Papaya – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing mango to papaya, we picked the mango.
Why?
Both are great! But there are some things to set them apart:
In terms of macros, this one’s not so big of a difference. They are equal in fiber, while mango has more protein and slightly more carbs. They are both low glycemic index, so we’ll call this one a tie, or the slenderest nominal win for papaya.
When it comes to vitamins, mango has more of vitamins A, B1, B3, B5, B7, B9, E, K, and choline, while papaya has more vitamin C. However, a cup of mango already gives the RDA of vitamin C, so at this point, it’s not even really much of a bonus that papaya has more. In any case, a clear and overwhelming win in the vitamins category for mango.
As for minerals, this one’s closer; mango has more copper, manganese, phosphorus, and zinc, while papaya has more calcium, iron, and magnesium. Still, a 4:3 win for mango.
Adding these up makes for a clear win for mango. However, one extra thing to bear in mind about both:
Both of these fruits interact with warfarin and many other anticoagulants. So if you’re taking those, you might want to skip these, or at least consult with your doctor/pharmacist for input on your personal situation.
Aside from that; enjoy both; diversity is good! But mango is the more nutritionally dense, and thus the winner here.
Want to learn more?
You might like to read:
5 Ways To Make Your Smoothie Blood Sugar Friendly (Avoid the Spike!)
Take care!
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6-Minute Core Strength – by Dr. Jonathan Su
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We don’t normally do author biographies here, but in this case it’s worth noting that Dr. Su is a physiotherapist, military rehab expert, and an IAYT yoga therapist. So, these things together certainly do lend weight to his advice.
About the “6-minute” thing: this is in the style of the famous “7-minute workout” and “5 Minutes’ Physical Fitness” etc, and refers to how long each exercise session should take. The baseline is one such session per day, though of course doing more than one set of 6 minutes each time is a bonus if you wish to do so.
The exercises are focused on core strength, but they also include hip and shoulder exercises, since these are after all attached to the core, and hip and shoulder mobility counts for a lot.
A particular strength of the book is in troubleshooting mistakes of the kind that aren’t necessarily visible from photos; in this case, Dr. Su explains what you need to go for in a certain exercise, and how to know if you are doing it correctly. This alone is worth the cost of the book, in this reviewer’s opinion.
Bottom line: if you want core strength and want it simple yet comprehensive, this book can guide you.
Click here to check out 6-Minute Core Strength, and strengthen yours!
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Foot Drop!
10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.
It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!
Have a question or a request? We love to hear from you!
In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!
As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!
So, no question/request too big or small
❝Interesting about DVT after surgery. A friend recently got diagnosed with foot drop. Could you explain that? Thank you.❞
First, for reference, the article about DVT after surgery was:
DVT Risk Management Beyond The Socks
As for foot drop…
Foot drop is descriptive of the main symptom: the inability to raise the front part of the foot due to localized weakness/paralysis. Hence, if a person with foot drop dangles their feet over the edge of the bed, for example, the affected foot will simply flop down, while the other (if unaffected) can remain in place under its own power. The condition is usually neurological in origin, though there are various more specific causes:
When walking unassisted, this will typically result in a distinctive “steppage gait”, as it’s necessary to lift the foot higher to compensate, or else the toes will scuff along the ground.
There are mobility aids that can return one’s walking to more or less normal, like this example product on Amazon.
Incidentally, the above product will slightly shorten the lifespan of shoes, as it will necessarily pull a little at the front.
There are alternatives that won’t like this example product on Amazon, but this comes with the different problem that it limits the user to stepping flat-footedly, which is not only also not an ideal gait, but also, will serve to allow any muscles down there that were still (partially or fully) functional to atrophy. For this reason, we’d recommend the first product we mentioned over the second one, unless your personal physiotherapist or similar advises otherwise (because they know your situation and we don’t).
Both have their merits, though:
Trends and Technologies in Rehabilitation of Foot Drop: A Systematic Review
Of course, prevention is better than cure, so while some things are unavoidable (especially when it comes to neurological conditions), we can all look after our nerve health as well as possible along the way:
Peripheral Neuropathy: How To Avoid It, Manage It, Treat It
…as well as the very useful:
What Does Lion’s Mane Actually Do, Anyway?
…which this writer personally takes daily and swears by (went from frequent pins-and-needles to no symptoms and have stayed that way, and that’s after many injuries over the years).
If you’d like a more general and less supplements-based approach though, check out:
Steps For Keeping Your Feet A Healthy Foundation
Take care!
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Complete Guide To Fasting – By Dr. Jason Fung
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When it comes to intermittent fasting, the plethora of options can be daunting at first, as can such questions as what fluids are ok to take vs what will break the fast, what to expect in terms of your first fasting experience, and how not to accidentally self-sabotage.
Practised well, intermittent fasting can be a very freeing experience, and not at all uncomfortable. Practised badly, it can be absolutely miserable, and this is one of those things where knowledge makes the difference.
Dr. Fung (yes, the same Dr. Fung we’ve featured before as an expert on metabolic health) shares this knowledge over the course of 304 pages, with lots of scientific information and insider tips. He covers the different kinds of fasting, how each of them work and what they do for the body and brain, hunger/satiety hacks, lots of “frequently asked questions”, and even a range of recipes to help smooth your journey along its way.
The style is very well-written pop-science; it’s engaging and straightforward without skimping on science at all.
Bottom line: if you’re thinking of trying intermittent fasting but aren’t sure where/how to best get started, this book can set you off on the right foot and keep you on the right track thereafter.
Click here to check out The Complete Guide to Fasting, and enjoy the process as well as the results!
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