The Hidden Reason You’re Exhausted As A Midlife Woman (Not Menopause!)

Dr. Ruth Machin spells it out:

Cognitive load

Midlife fatigue in women isn’t caused only by aging or menopause, but also by an often-overlooked burden, also called cognitive labor or mental load—the ongoing mental work of managing a household and caring responsibilities, very often in addition to one’s paid work, which trifecta of responsibilities has collectively been known as “the triple-burden”.

Cognitive labor is the constant thinking, planning, organizing, remembering, deciding, and monitoring required to keep daily life running, and it can be mentally exhausting even when physical tasks are shared.

Indeed, the researcher Dr. Allison Daminger identified four phases:

1. Anticipating what needs to be done
2. Identifying options
3. Deciding on a course of action
4. Monitoring to ensure the task is completed

Notably, research shows that women perform a disproportionately large share of cognitive labor, even in households where physical chores are more evenly divided and even when women have demanding careers or high incomes.

In particular, midlife often brings peak levels of responsibility, with many women simultaneously managing careers, households, children, aging parents, and other caregiving duties while also often dealing with menopause-related symptoms.

The resultant constant mental vigilance can increase anxiety, disrupt sleep, create a feeling of being “tired but wired,” contribute to decision fatigue, and make healthy behaviors such as exercising, cooking nutritious meals, and maintaining routines more difficult.

Alas, cognitive labor is often hard for others to recognize, precisely because much of it happens internally, making it difficult to share unless the tasks are first made visible and explicitly discussed (which often takes more cognitive labor). Worse yet, delegation can be undermined by perfectionism and a reluctance to relinquish control, leading to micromanagement that keeps the mental burden attached to the original person.

Reducing cognitive overload can require declining additional organizing, coordinating, or administrative roles that are automatically assumed or assigned. It can also help to clearly define expectations, priorities, budgets, preferences, and non-negotiables when handing over a responsibility, then allow the other person to take ownership of the task.

While we’re at it: self-care should be viewed as an essential way to restore mental and physical energy rather than as a selfish indulgence, and it may need to be scheduled deliberately like any other important commitment.

For mroe on all of this, enjoy:

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Want to learn more?

You might also like this book we reviewed:

Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents & Flourishing As We Age – by Dr. Mary Pipher

Take care!