How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
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How To Stay Alive (When You Really Don’t Want To)
A subscriber recently requested:
❝Request: more people need to be aware of suicidal tendencies and what they can do to ward them off❞
…and we said we’d do that one of these Psychology Sundays, so here we are, doing it!
First of all, we’ll mention that we did previously do a main feature on managing depression (in oneself or a loved one); here it is:
The Mental Health First Aid That You’ll Hopefully Never Need
Now, not all depression leads to suicidality, and not all suicide is pre-empted by depression, but there’s a large enough crossover that it seems sensible to put that article here, for anyone who might find it of use, or even just of interest.
Now, onwards, to the specific, and very important, topic of suicide.
This should go without saying, but some of today’s content may be a little heavy.
We invite you to read it anyway if you’re able, because it’s important stuff that we all should know, and not talking about it is part of what allows it to kill people.
So, let’s take a deep breath, and read on…
The risk factors
Top risk factors for suicide include:
- Not talking about it
- Having access to a firearm
- Having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide
- A lack of social support
- Being over 40
Now, some of these are interesting sociologically, but aren’t very useful practically; what a convenient world it’d be if we could all simply choose to be under 40, for instance.
Some serve as alarm bells, such as “having a plan of specifically how to commit suicide”.
If someone has a plan, that plan’s never going to disappear entirely, even if it’s set aside!
(this writer is deeply aware of the specifics of how she has wanted to end things before, and has used the advice she gives in this article herself numerous times. So far so good, still alive to write about it!)
Specific advices, therefore, include:
Talk about it / Listen
Depending on whether it’s you or someone else at risk:
- Talk about it, if it’s you
- Listen attentively, if it’s someone else
There are two main objections that you might have at this point, so let’s look at those:
“I have nobody to talk to”—it can certainly feel that way, sometimes, but you may be surprised who would listen if you gave them the chance. If you really can’t trust anyone around you, there are of course suicide hotlines (usually per area, so we’ll not try to list them here; a quick Internet search will get you what you need).
If you’re worried it’ll result in bad legal/social consequences, check their confidentiality policy first:
- Some hotlines can and will call the police, for instance.
- Others deliberately have a set-up whereby they couldn’t even trace the call if they wanted to.
- On the one hand, that means they can’t intervene
- On the other hand, that means they’re a resource for anyone who will only trust a listener who can’t intervene.
“But it is just a cry for help”—then that person deserves help. What some may call “attention-seeking” is, in effect, care-seeking. Listen, without judgement.
Remove access to firearms, if applicable and possible
Ideally, get rid of them (safely and responsibly, please).
If you can’t bring yourself to do that, make them as inconvenient to get at as possible. Stored securely at your local gun club is better than at home, for example.
If your/their plan isn’t firearm-related, but the thing in question can be similarly removed, remove it. You/they do not need that stockpile of pills, for instance.
And of course you/they could get more, but the point is to make it less frictionless. The more necessary stopping points between thinking “I should just kill myself” and being able to actually do it, the better.
Have/give social support
What do the following people have in common?
- A bullied teenager
- A divorced 40-something who just lost a job
- A lonely 70-something with no surviving family, and friends that are hard to visit
Often, at least, the answer is: the absence of a good social support network
So, it’s good to get one, and be part of some sort of community that’s meaningful to us. That could look different to a lot of people, for example:
- A church, or other religious community, if we be religious
- The LGBT+ community, or even just a part of it, if that fits for us
- Any mutual-support oriented, we-have-this-shared-experience community, could be anything from AA to the VA.
Some bonus ideas…
If you can’t live for love, living for spite might suffice. Outlive your enemies; don’t give them the satisfaction.
If you’re going to do it anyway, you might as well take the time to do some “bucket list” items first. After all, what do you have to lose? Feel free to add further bucket list items as they occur to you, of course. Because, why not? Before you know it, you’ve postponed your way into a rich and fulfilling life.
Finally, some gems from Matt Haig’s “The Comfort Book”:
- “The hardest question I have been asked is: “How do I stay alive for other people if I have no one?” The answer is that you stay alive for other versions of you. For the people you will meet, yes, but also the people you will be.”
- “Stay for the person you will become”
- “You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even decade”
- “It is better to let people down than to blow yourself up”
- “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up”
- “You are here. And that is enough.”
You can find Matt Haig’s excellent “The Comfort Book” on Amazon, as well as his more well-known book more specifically on the topic we’ve covered today, “Reasons To Stay Alive“.
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What exercises will keep my ageing joints healthy?
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Growing older has plenty of upsides – but achy joints is not one of them.
As we age, the joints that once handled every bend and fall start to weaken. This is because the amount of cartilage, a tough but flexible kind of connective tissue, and fluid in your joints decreases over time.
This may lead some people to avoid activities such as exercise. But with the right approach, exercise can actually help protect your joints.
Let’s dive into the science.
ljubaphoto/Getty Why joints matter
Each joint is cushioned by articular cartilage, a type of specialised tissue that covers the ends of bones. This cartilage protects the joints and creates a smooth surface for motion.
A thick liquid known as synovial fluid also helps lubricate your knees, hips and shoulders. It does this by reducing friction between your cartilage and joints. Synovial fluid also supplies cartilage with key nutrients.
However, cartilage isn’t very good at repairing itself. This is partly because it doesn’t have its own blood supply.
The gradual breakdown of cartilage is known as osteoarthritis, a condition which affects more than 500 million people worldwide. People with osteoarthritis often feel the most pain in weight-bearing joints such as the knees, hips and spine.
How exercise impacts your joints
The body distributes synovial fluid through motion. So exercise helps gets this fluid, and the nutrients it contains, to cartilage.
Meanwhile, muscles around your joints act as shock absorbers. So strengthening your muscles, including through exercises such as weightlifting, helps to reduce the pressure placed on your joints. Research suggests strength exercises targeting the quadriceps, a group of muscles at the front of the thigh, are particularly effective at reducing joint pain.
A landmark Cochrane review assessed all the relevant evidence looking at the effect of exercise on osteoarthritis. It found exercise reduces pain and improves function in people with knee osteoarthritis. It also showed exercise has a similar impact as anti-inflammatory drugs, but without the same side effects.
Exercise may also help maintain proprioception, the body’s ability to sense its own position and movement. However, proprioception declines with age. So as you get older, your brain is less able to register these signals and may cause your joints to bear weight unevenly. This wears down your joints quicker.
However, exercising on varied and even unstable surfaces can reduce this wear-and-tear process. It forces your ankle, knee and hip joints to quickly adjust their movements, keeping them engaged and flexible.
What about low-impact exercise?
Low-impact exercise refers to exercises where you keep at least one foot on the ground, or support the body in some other way. This kind of exercise reduces the amount of weight and force placed on joints.
Examples of low-impact exercise include swimming and water aerobics. Both involve being suspended in water, which can support up to 90% of your body weight. Cycling may also be beneficial for your joints, particularly your knees.
Tai chi, a gentle form of exercise based on gentle movements and breathing techniques, is another option. Research suggests it may be as effective as physical therapy for people with knee osteoarthritis. Yoga can also help strengthen the muscles around your joints and improve your overall flexibility.
Walking deserves a special mention. Walking on uneven terrain, such as on grass, gravel or bush trails, can help maintain proprioception. One 2026 study found unstable surface training significantly improves postural control, or the ability to remain stable, in older adults.
Another systematic review found exercises which challenged participants’ balance reduced fall rates by roughly 23%. This is important, given falls are the leading cause of injury-related death in adults over 65.
I’ve never done low-impact exercise. How can I start?
Here are three tips to make low-impact exercise as safe and effective as possible.
1. Start small
You don’t need any fancy equipment to start. Where possible, opt to walk on uneven surfaces, such as grass, sand or gravel, instead of pavement. Even ten minutes walking across a park lawn will improve your joint movement.
You can also practise standing on one leg, for example while brushing your teeth. It’s best to start on firm ground first, aiming to stand on each leg for 30 seconds. You can then progress to standing on a folded towel or foam pad. Importantly, you should master each task or level of difficulty before advancing.
2. Use support
Safety is paramount. Always perform low-impact exercises near something you can hold for support, such as a park bench or bathroom vanity. If you’re walking for exercise, walking poles are an excellent option. Importantly, never exercise on unstable surfaces when you’re tired.
3. Get advice
No exercise is risk-free. For example, holding a yoga pose beyond your range of motion may injure your lower back, shoulders or knees. Doing deep squats or lunges with poor form can put unnecessary strain on your knee joint.
So before you start, speak to a certified exercise physiologist or physiotherapist. They can help you design a tailored exercise program.
The bottom line
Our joints are subject to the inevitable wear-and-tear of age, but low-impact exercise can help. So it’s worth trying, no matter how young or old you are.
Gordon Waddington, AIS Professor of Sports Medicine Research, University of Canberra
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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An Underrated Tool Against Alzheimer’s
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Dementia in general, and Alzheimer’s in particular, affects a lot of people, and probably even more than the stats show, because some (estimated to be: about half) will go undiagnosed and thus unreported:
Alzheimer’s: The Bad News And The Good
At 10almonds, we often talk about brain health, whether from a nutrition standpoint or other lifestyle factors. For nutrition, by the way, check out:
Today we’ll be looking at some new science for an underrated tool:
Bilingualism as protective factor
It’s well-known that bilingualism offers brain benefits, but most people would be hard-pressed to name what, specifically, those brain benefits are.
As doctors Kristina Coulter and Natalie Phillips found in a recent study, one of the measurable benefits may be a defense against generalized (i.e. not necessarily language-related) memory loss Alzheimer’s disease.
Specifically,
❝We used surface-based morphometry methods to measure cortical thickness and volume of language-related and AD-related brain regions. We did not observe evidence of brain reserve in language-related regions.
However, reduced hippocampal volume was observed for monolingual, but not bilingual, older adults with AD. Thus, bilingualism is hypothesized to contribute to reserve in the form of brain maintenance in the context of AD.❞
Read in full: Bilinguals show evidence of brain maintenance in Alzheimer’s disease
This is important, because while language is processed in various parts of the brain beyond the scope of this article, the hippocampi* are where memory is stored.
*usually mentioned in the singular as “hippocampus”, but you have one on each side, unless some terrible accident or incident befell you.
What this means in practical terms: these results suggest that being bilingual means we will retain more of our capacity for memory, even if we get Alzheimer’s disease, than people who are monolingual.
Furthermore, while we’re talking practicality:
❝…our subsample may be characterized as mostly late bilinguals (i.e., learning an L2 after age 5), having moderate self-reported L2 ability, and relatively few participants reporting daily L2 use (33 out of 119)❞
(L2 = second language)
This is important, because it means you don’t have to have grown up speaking multiple languages, you don’t even have to speak it well, and you don’t have to be using your second language(s) on a daily basis, to enjoy benefits. Merely having them in your head appears to be sufficient to trigger the brain to go “oh, we need to boost and maintain the hippocampal volume”.
We would hypothesize that using second language(s) regularly and/or speaking second language(s) well offers additional protection, and the data would support this if it weren’t for the fact that the sample sizes for daily and high-level speakers are a bit small to draw conclusions.
But the important part is: simply knowing another language, including if you literally just learned it later in life, is already protective of hippocampal volume in the context of Alzheimer’s disease.
Here’s a pop-science article about the study, that goes into it in more detail than we have room to here:
Bilingualism linked to greater brain resilience in older adults
Want to learn a new language?
Here are some options where you can get going right away:
If you are thinking “sounds good, but learning a language is too much work”, then that is why we included that third option there. It’s specifically for one language, and that language is Esperanto, arguably the world’s easiest language and specifically designed to be super quick and easy to get good at. Also, it’s free!
Do, kial ne lerni novan lingvon rapide kaj facile? 😉
Want to know more?
For ways to reduce your overall Alzheimer’s risk according to science, check out:
Take care!
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Heal Your Stressed Brain
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Rochelle Walsh, therapist, explains the problem and how to fix it:
Not all brain damage is from the outside
Long-term stress and burnout cause brain damage; it’s not just a mindset issue—it impacts the brain physiologically. To compound matters, it also increases the risk of neurodegenerative diseases. While the brain can indeed grow new neurons and regenerate itself, chronic stress damages specific regions, and inhibits that.
There are some effects of chronic stress that can seem positive—the amygdalae and hypothalamus are seen to grow larger and stronger, for instance—but this is, unfortunately, “all the better to stress you with”. In compensation for this, chronic stress deprioritizes the pre-frontal cortex and hippocampi, so there goes your reasoning and memory.
This often results in people not managing chronic stress well. Just like a weak heart and lungs might impede the exercise that could make them stronger, the stressed brain is not good at permitting you to do the things that would heal it—preferring to keep you on edge all day, worrying and twitchy, mind racing and body tense. It also tends to lead to autoimmune diseases, due to the increased inflammation (because the body’s threat-detection system as at “jumping at own shadow” levels so it’s deploying every defense it has, including completely inappropriate ones).
Notwithstanding the “Heal Your Stressed Brain” thumbnail, she doesn’t actually go into this in detail and bids us sign up for her masterclass. We at 10almonds however like to deliver, so you can find useful advice and free resources in our links-drop at the bottom of this article.
Meanwhile, if you’d like to hear more about the neurological woes described above, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like to read:
- Meditation That You’ll Actually Enjoy
- How To Manage/Reduce Chronic Stress
- Lower Your Cortisol! (Here’s Why & How)
- How Healthy People Regulate Their Emotions
- Sleep: Yes, You Really Do Still Need It!
- Give Your Adrenal Glands A Chance
- The Stress Prescription (Against Aging!)
Take care!
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Apple vs Peach – Which is Healthier?
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Our Verdict
When comparing apples to peaches, we picked the peaches.
Why?
Both have their merits, but apples can’t compete with peaches’ micronutrient profile!
In terms of macros, apples have slightly more carbs and fiber, for a comparable glycemic index, so we could either call this a tie, or else give apples a marginal win in the macros category to start with.
In the category of vitamins, apples have more vitamin B6, while peaches have more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B7, B9, C, E, and K—an easy win for peaches.
When it comes to minerals, apples are not higher in any minerals, while peaches have more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, and zinc. Another clear win for peaches!
Looking at polyphenols, peaches have a higher total amount (in mg/100g) of polyphenols, as well as more variety thereof. One more round that’s a clear win for peaches.
Adding up the sections makes for an overwhelming overall win for peaches, but by all means enjoy either or both; diversity is best!
Want to learn more?
You might like:
Top 8 Fruits That Prevent & Kill Cancer ← peaches are number 2 on the list! They contain phytochemicals that induce cell death in cancer cells while sparing healthy ones 😎
Enjoy!
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What Is Vaginal Discharge Anyway, And Is Yours Healthy?
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Even if you don’t have one of your own, it’s still good to know:
What’s actually going on down there?
Vaginal discharge is a normal mix of cervical mucus, shed epithelial cells, and bacteria that helps protect against infection. It also reflects hormonal changes.
What kind of hormonal changes?
- Day 1 of menstrual cycle: falling estrogen and progesterone cause shedding of the endometrium, releasing about 20 to 90 milliliters of menstrual fluid (it’s not just blood) over 2 to 7 days.
- Early follicular phase: cervical mucus is often whitish, thick, or sticky as estrogen begins to rise.
- Around ovulation: higher estrogen produces clearer, thinner, slippier mucus (for sex reasons!).
- Luteal phase: higher progesterone leads to thicker, cloudier, sometimes yellow-tinged mucus that blocks sperm and pathogens.
Don’t menstruate? If you’re menopausal, have had your uterus removed, or for some other reason don’t menstruate, then what happens depends on what you’ve got going on hormonally and anatomically, for example:
- Hormonal contraception: often cause consistently thicker cervical mucus similar to the luteal phase.
- Menopause: lower estrogen thins the vaginal epithelium, so if unmedicated, will tend to replicate what would have been the menstrual period. If, on the other hand, you have HRT, then a lot will depend on your HRT regime, but if it has estrogen and progesterone in healthy doses and with a good bioavailability, then your body will most likely settle into something of a monthly routine, just without the bleeding.
- No uterus? Same cycle, because the hormones are regulated by the hypothalamus, and you still have one of those, so provided you still have sex hormones (be they from your ovaries or the pharmacy), your body will carry on as normal, sometimes even trying to shed the uterine lining that you don’t have (nearby smooth muscles that are similar to uterine tissue can get the message intended for the uterus and cramp up instead). No bleeding, of course.
So what can go wrong? Most of the time, nothing much; it’s usually quite able to take care of itself. However, it’s good to watch out for…
- Yeast infection: clumpy white discharge can suggest excess yeast, which also brings about epithelial shedding.
- Bacterial vaginosis: thin gray or white discharge with a strong odor may indicate reduced acidity from bacterial overgrowth.
- When to seek care: new or unusual bleeding, itching, pain, color, or odor should be considered cause to go get a professional check-up.
For more on all of this plus some visual illustrations, enjoy:
Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!
Want to learn more?
You might also like:
Vaginal Dryness In Menopause | Causes & Solutions
Take care!
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Burned Out By Tuesday?
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Avoiding Burnout, The Active Way
This is Dr. Claudine Holt. She’s double board-certified, in Occupational & Environmental Medicine, and Lifestyle Medicine.
In short: preventative medicine in all parts of our life.
Hopefully, you are reading this bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to take on another exciting day in this wonderful, beautiful world!
On the other hand, it’s possible that you’re reading this semi-focussed, looking for a crumb of dopamine as much as you are looking for information.
If you’ve ever had the “What a week!” / “It’s only Tuesday” moment, this one’s for you.
What does Dr. Holt want us to know?
You can recover from burnout without guilt
Sometimes, we overreach ourselves. Sometimes, life overreaches us! Sometimes it’s not that we overcommitted—it’s just that we were taking each day as it comes, but sometimes several days gang up on us at once.
Sometimes, even, we can feel exhausted when it seems like we haven’t done anything.
Note: if you feel exhausted and it seems like you haven’t done anything, then be aware: you are exhausted for a reason!
What that reason might be may vary, but contrary to popular belief, energy does not just vanish. It went somewhere.
This goes double if you have any chronic illness(es), even if you’re not aware of having had a flare-up, chances are you were just exceptionally busy (on a cellular level).
And it’s easy to think that “mere” cellular activity shouldn’t be exhausting, but that is 100% of where our energy transactions happen—whether or not we are consciously aware of them!
See also: Eat To Beat Chronic Fatigue ← yes, this also covers when you are too exhausted to shop and cook like a TV chef
Dr. Holt specializes in working with burned out medical professionals (and also specifically specializes in working with women), but there are lessons for everyone in her advice. For example:
Fiction: ”Medicine is my calling–it’s who I am.”
Fact: You are more than medicine! Remember that your career is just one aspect of your life. Don’t forget to create your big-picture vision and tend the garden of the other areas of your life too.
Read more: Dr. Claudine Holt | Burnout: Fact vs Fiction
This same thing can go for whatever part of your identity frequently follows “I’m a…”, and is somewhere that you put a lot of your energy; it could equally be a non-professional job like “homemaker”, or a relational status like “husband”, or a cultural identifier like “Christian”, or a hobby like “gardener” (assuming that is not also your profession, in which case, same item, different category).
Indeed, a lot of women especially get hit by “the triple burden” of professional work, housework, and childcare. And it’s not even necessarily that we resent any of those things or feel like they’re a burden; we (hopefully) love our professions, homes, children. But, here’s the thing:
No amount of love will add extra hours to the day.
So what does she recommend doing about it, when sometimes we’re juggling things that can’t be dropped?
Start simple, but start!
Dr. Holt recommends to start with a smile (yes even if, and sometimes especially when, the circumstances do not feel like they merit it), and deploy some CBT tools:
Two Hacks to Quickly Rise Above Burnout (Or Any Circumstance)
We’ve expanded on this topic here:
With a more level head on, it becomes easier to take on the next step, which creating healthy boundaries—and that doesn’t just mean with other people!
It also means slaying our own perfectionism and imposter syndrome—both things that will have us chasing our tails 36 hours per day if we let them.
See also:
- Perfectionism, And How To Make Yours Work For You
- Imposter Syndrome (And Why Almost Everyone Has It)
❝Burnout is the culture of our times. A culture that expects us to do more and think our way out of everything. A culture that asks for more than the body can bear. Unfortunately, even though the situation might not be of our creation, burnout culture is our inheritance.
An inheritance we can either perpetuate—or change—depending on what we embody.❞
Source: The Embodied MD on Burnout with Dr Claudine Holt
That “embodiment” is partly our choices and actions that we bring and own just as we bring and own our body—and it’s partly our relationship with our body itself, and learning to love it, and work with it to achieve wonderful things, instead of just getting through the day.
Which yes, does also mean making space for good diet, exercise, sleep and so forth, per:
These Top Five Things Make The Biggest Difference To Health
Want to know more?
You might like to check out Dr. Holt’s website:
The Embodied M.D. | Burnout Coach
…where she also offers resources such as a blog and a podcast.
Enjoy!
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