Codependent No More – by Melody Beattie
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This is a book review, not a book summary, but first let’s quickly cover a common misconception, because the word “codependent” gets misused a lot in popular parlance:
- What codependence isn’t: “we depend on each other and must do everything together”
- What codependence is:“person 1 has a dependency on a substance (or perhaps a behavior, such as gambling); person 2 is trying to look after person 1, and so has developed a secondary relationship with the substance/behavior. Person 2 is now said to be codependent, because it becomes all-consuming for them too, even if they’re not using the substance/behavior directly”
Funny how often it happens that the reality is more complex than the perception, isn’t it?
Melody Beattie unravels all this for us. We get a compassionate and insightful look at how we can look after ourselves, while looking after another. Perhaps most importantly: how and where to draw a line of what we can and cannot do/change for them.
Because when we love someone, of course we want to fight their battles with them, if not for them. But if we want to be their rock of strength, we can’t get lost in it too, and of course that hurts.
Beatty takes us through these ideas and more, for example:
- How to examine our own feelings even when it’s scary
- How to practice self-love and regain self-worth, while still caring for them
- How to stop being reactionary, step back, and act with purpose
If the book has any weak point, it’s that it repeatedly recommends 12-step programs, when in reality that’s just one option. But for those who wish to take another approach, this book does not require involvement in a 12-step program, so it’s not a barrier to usefulness.
Click here to check out Codependent No More and take care of yourself, too
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Thai Green Curry With Crispy Tofu Balls
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Diversity is key here, with a wide range of mostly plants, offering an even wider range of phytochemical benefits:
You will need
- 7 oz firm tofu
- 1 oz cashew nuts (don’t soak them)
- 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 1 tsp turmeric
- 4 scallions, sliced
- 7 oz mangetout
- 7 oz fermented red cabbage (i.e., from a jar)
- 1 cup coconut milk
- Juice of ½ lime
- 2 tsp light soy sauce
- 1 handful fresh cilantro, or if you have the “cilantro tastes like soap” gene, then parsley
- 1 handful fresh basil
- 1 green chili, chopped (multiply per heat preference)
- 1″ piece fresh ginger, roughly chopped
- ¼ bulb garlic, crushed
- 1 tsp red chili flakes
- 1 tsp black pepper, coarse ground
- ½ tsp MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
- Avocado oil for frying
- Recommended, to serve: lime wedges
- Recommended, to serve: your carbohydrate of choice, such as soba noodles or perhaps our Tasty Versatile Rice.
Method
(we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)
1) Heat the oven to 350℉ / 180℃, and bake the cashews on a baking tray for about 8 minutes until lightly toasted. Remove from the oven and allow to cool a little.
2) Combine the nuts, tofu, nutritional yeast, turmeric, and scallions in a food processor, and process until the ingredients begin to clump together. Shape into about 20 small balls.
3) Heat some oil in a skillet and fry the tofu balls, jiggling frequently to get all sides; it should take about 5 minutes to see them lightly browned. Set aside.
4) Combine the coconut milk, lime juice, soy sauce, cilantro/parsley, basil, scallions, green chili, ginger, garlic, and MSG/salt in a high-speed blender, and blend until a smooth liquid.
5) Transfer the liquid to a saucepan, and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat, add the mangetout, and simmer for about 5 minutes to reduce slightly. Stir in the red chili flakes and black pepper.
6) Serve with your preferred carbohydrate, adding the fermented red cabbage and the crispy tofu balls you set aside, along with any garnish you might like to add.
Enjoy!
Want to learn more?
For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:
- Capsaicin For Weight Loss And Against Inflammation
- Ginger Does A Lot More Than You Think
- Why Curcumin (Turmeric) Is Worth Its Weight In Gold
- The Many Health Benefits Of Garlic
- Black Pepper’s Impressive Anti-Cancer Arsenal (And More)
- Making Friends With Your Gut (You Can Thank Us Later)
- What’s Your Plant Diversity Score? ← a score of 8.25 for this dish, not counting whatever carbs you might add. Remember, herbs/spices* count for ¼ of a point each!
*but not MSG or salt, as while they may in culinary terms get lumped in with spices, they are of course not plants. Nor is nutritional yeast (nor any other yeast, for that matter). However, mushrooms (not seen in this recipe, though to be honest they would be a respectable addition) would get included for a whole point per mushroom type, since while they are not technically plants but fungi, the nutritional profile is plantlike.
Take care!
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When You Know What You “Should” Do (But Knowing Isn’t The Problem)
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When knowing what to do isn’t the problem
Often, we know what we need to do. Sometimes, knowing isn’t the problem!
The topic today is going to be a technique used by therapeutic service providers to help people to enact positive changes in their lives.
While this is a necessarily dialectic practice (i.e., it involves a back-and-forth dialogue), it’s still perfectly possible to do it alone, and that’s what we’ll be focussing on in this main feature.
What is Motivational Interviewing?
❝Motivational interviewing (MI) is a technique that has been specifically developed to help motivate ambivalent patients to change their behavior.❞
Read in full: Motivational Interviewing: An Evidence-Based Approach for Use in Medical Practice
It’s mostly used for such things as helping people reduce or eliminate substance abuse, or manage their weight, or exercise more, things like that.
However, it can be employed for any endeavour that requires motivation and sustained willpower to carry it through.
Three Phases
Motivational Interviewing traditionally has three phases:
- Exploring and understanding the issue at hand
- Guiding and deciding importance and goals
- Choosing and setting an action plan
In self-practice, maybe you can already know and understand what it is that you want/need to change.
If not, consider asking yourself such questions as:
- What does a good day look like? What does a bad day look like?
- If things are not good now, when were they good? What changed?
- If everything were perfect now, what would that look like? How would you know?
Once you have a clear idea of where you want to be, the next thing to know is: how much do you want it? And how confident are you in attaining it?
This is a critical process:
- Give your answers numerically on a scale from 0 to 10
- Whatever your score, ask yourself why it’s not lower. For example, if you scored your motivation 4 and your confidence 2, what factors made your motivation not a lower number? What factors made your confidence not a lower number?
- In the unlikely event that you gave yourself a 0, ask whether you can really afford to scrap the goal. If you can’t, find something, anything, to bring it to at least a 1.
- After you’ve done that, then you can ask yourself the more obvious question of why your numbers aren’t higher. This will help you identify barriers to overcome.
Now you’re ready to choose what to focus on and how to do it. Don’t bite off more than you can chew; it’s fine to start low and work up. You should revisit this regularly, just like you would if you had a counsellor helping you.
Some things to ask yourself at this stage of the motivational self-interviewing:
- What’s a good SMART goal to get you started?
- What could stop you from achieving your goal?
- How could you overcome that challenge?
- What is your backup plan, if you have to scale back your goal for some reason?
A conceptual example: if your goal is to stick to a whole foods Mediterranean diet, but you are attending a wedding next week, then now is the time to decide in advance 1) what personal lines-in-the-sand you will or will not draw 2) what secondary, backup plan you will make to not go too far off track.
The same example in practice: wedding menus often offer meat/fish/vegetarian options, so you might choose the fish or vegetarian, and as for sugar and alcohol, you might limit yourself to “a small slice of wedding cake only; coffee/cheese option instead of dessert”, and “alcohol only for toasts”.
Giving yourself the permission well in advance for small (clearly defined and boundaried!) diversions from the plan, will stop you from falling into the trap of “well, since today’s a cheat-day now…”
Secret fourth stage
The secret here is to keep going back and reassessing at regular intervals. Set your own calendar; you might want to start out weekly and then move to monthly when you’re more strongly on-track.
For this reason, it’s good to keep a journal with your notes from your self-interview sessions, the scores you gave yourself, the goals and plans you set, etc.
When conducting your regular review, be sure to examine what worked for you, and what didn’t (and why). That way, you can practice trial-and-improvement as you go.
Want to learn more?
We only have so much room here, but there are lots of resources out there.
Here’s a high-quality page that:
- explains motivational interviewing in more depth than we have room for here
- offers a lot of free downloadable resource packs and the like
Check it out: Motivational Interviewing Theory & Resources
Enjoy!
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The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down – by Haemin Sunim
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First, what this one’s not about: noticing raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
That’s great too, though. This writer particularly loves the cute faces of baby jumping spiders. Sounds unlikely, but have you seen them?
What it’s rather about: noticing what’s between your ears, and paying closer attention to that, so that we can go about our business more mindfully.
This is, fundamentally, a book about living a happier life, whatever the potentially crazy circumstances of the hustle and bustle around us. Not because of disinterest; quite the opposite. Sunim bids us ask the question of ourselves, what are we really doing and why?
The writing style is very light and easy, while being heavy-hitting in terms of the ideas it brings. Little wonder that this one is so highly-rated on Amazon, with more than 5,000 ratings.
Bottom line: if sometimes you feel like the world is a little hectic and all that is around you is out of your control, this is a great book for you.
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Pinch Of Nom, Everyday Light – by Kay Featherstone and Kate Allinson
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One of the biggest problems with “light”, “lean” or “under this many calories” cookbooks tends to be the portion sizes perhaps had sparrows in mind. Not so, here!
Nor do they go for the other usual trick, which is giving us something that’s clearly not a complete meal. All of these recipes are for complete meals, or else come with a suggestion of a simple accompaniment that will still keep the dish under 400kcal.
The recipes are packed with vegetables and protein, perfect for keeping lean while also making sure you’re full until the next meal.
Best of all, they are indeed rich and tasty meals—there’s only so many times one wants salmon with salad, after all. There are healthy-edition junk food options, too! Sausage and egg muffins, fish and chips, pizza-loaded fries, sloppy dogs, firecracker prawns, and more!
Most of the meals are quite quick and easy to make, and use common ingredients.
Nearly half are vegetarian, and gluten-free options involve only direct simple GF substitutions. Similarly, turning a vegetarian meal into a vegan meal is usually not rocket science! Again, quick and easy substitutions, à la “or the plant-based milk of your choice”.
Recipes are presented in the format: ingredients, method, photo. Super simple (and no “chef’s nostalgic anecdote storytime” introductions that take more than, say, a sentence to tell).
All in all, a fabulous addition to anyone’s home kitchen!
Get your copy of “Pinch of Nom—Everyday Light” from Amazon today!
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Think Again – by Adam Grant
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Warning: this book may cause some feelings of self-doubt! Ride them out and see where they go, though.
It was Socrates who famously (allegedly) said “ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα”—”I know that I know nothing”.
Adam Grant wants us to take this philosophy and apply it usefully to modern life. How?
The main premise is that rethinking our plans, answers and decisions is a good thing… Not a weakness. In contrast, he says, a fixed mindset closes us to opportunities—and better alternatives.
He wants us to be sure that we don’t fall into the trap of the Dunning-Kruger Effect (overestimating our abilities because of being unaware of how little we know), but he also wants us to rethink whole strategies, too. For example:
Grant’s approach to interpersonal conflict is very remniscent of another book we might review sometime, “Aikido in Everyday Life“. The idea here is to not give in to our knee-jerk responses to simply retaliate in kind, but rather to sidestep, pivot, redirect. This is, admittedly, the kind of “rethinking” that one usually has to rethink in advance—it’s too late in the moment! Hence the value of a book.
Nor is the book unduly subjective. “Wishy-washiness” has a bad rep, but Grant gives us plenty in the way of data and examples of how we can, for example, avoid losses by not doubling down on a mistake.
What, then, of strongly-held core principles? Rethinking doesn’t mean we must change our mind—it simply means being open to the possibility in contexts where such makes sense.
Grant borrows, in effect, from:
❝Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better… do better!❞
So, not so much undercutting the principles we hold dear, and instead rather making sure they stand on firm foundations.
All in all, a thought-provokingly inspiring read!
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Winter Wellness & The Pills That Increase Your Alzheimer’s Risk
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This week in health news…
Do not go gentle into that good night
As wildfires rage in California, snow is falling from Texas to Georgia, meaning that a lot of people are facing weather they’re not accustomed to, in houses that were not built for it. And that’s the lucky ones; there are many thousands of people who are homeless, of whom many will die.
Hopefully all our readers are safe, but it pays to watch out for the signs of hypothermia as it is a condition that really sneaks up on people and, in the process, takes away their ability to notice the hypothermia. You and your loved ones are not immune to this, so it’s good to keep an eye on each other, looking out for:
- Shivering, first ← when this stops, assuming it’s not because the temperature has risen, it is often a sign of hypothermia entering a later stage, in which the body is no longer responding appropriately to the cold
- Slurred speech or mumbling
- Slow, shallow breathing
- A weak pulse
- Clumsiness or lack of coordination
- Drowsiness or very low energy
- Confusion or memory loss
- Loss of consciousness
- In infants, bright red, cold skin
How cold is too cold? It doesn’t even have to be sub-zero. According to the CDC, temperatures of 4℃ (40℉) can be low enough to cause hypothermia.
Read in full: The warning signs to notice if someone has hypothermia
Related: Cold Weather Health Risks
Lethal lottery of pathogens
In Minnesota, hospital emergency room waiting times have skyrocketed since yesterday (at time of writing), with 40% of Minnesota’s 1,763 flu-related hospitalizations this fall and winter occurring in the same week, according to yesterday’s report. To put it further into perspective, 17 out of 20 of this season’s flu outbreaks have occurred in the past two weeks.
And that’s just the flu, without considering COVID, RSV, and Norovirus, which are also all running rampant in MN right now.
The advice presently is:
❝Go to the ER if you are super-sick. If you are not super-sick, go to urgent care, go to your clinic, schedule a virtual appointment.❞
And if you’re not in Minneapolis? These stats won’t apply, but definitely consider, before going to the hospital, whether you might leave sicker than you arrived, and plan accordingly, making use of telehealth where reasonably possible.
Read in full: Minnesota ERs stressed by “quad-demic” of COVID, flu, RSV, norovirus
Related: Move over, COVID and Flu! We Have “Hybrid Viruses” To Contend With Now
Sleep, but at what cost?
This was a study looking at the effects of sleeping pills on the brain, specifically zolpidem (most well-known by its brand name of Ambien).
What they found is that while it does indeed effectively induce sleep, part of how it does that is suppressing norepinephrine oscillations (which might otherwise potentially wake you up, though in healthy people these oscillations and the micro-arousals that they cause shouldn’t disrupt sleep at all, and are just considered part of our normal sleep cycles), which oscillations are necessary to generate the pumping action required to move cerebrospinal fluid through the glymphatic system while asleep.
This is a big problem, because the glymphatic system is almost entirely responsible for keeping the brain free from waste products such as beta-amyloids (whose build-up is associated with Alzheimer’s disease and is considered to be a significant part of Alzheimer’s pathogensesis) and alpha-synuclein (same but for Parkinson’s disease), amongst others:
Read in full: Common sleeping pill may pave way for disorders like Alzheimer’s
Related: How To Clean Your Brain (Glymphatic Health Primer)
Take care!
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