Codependent No More – by Melody Beattie

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This is a book review, not a book summary, but first let’s quickly cover a common misconception, because the word “codependent” gets misused a lot in popular parlance:

  • What codependence isn’t: “we depend on each other and must do everything together”
  • What codependence is:“person 1 has a dependency on a substance (or perhaps a behavior, such as gambling); person 2 is trying to look after person 1, and so has developed a secondary relationship with the substance/behavior. Person 2 is now said to be codependent, because it becomes all-consuming for them too, even if they’re not using the substance/behavior directly”

Funny how often it happens that the reality is more complex than the perception, isn’t it?

Melody Beattie unravels all this for us. We get a compassionate and insightful look at how we can look after ourselves, while looking after another. Perhaps most importantly: how and where to draw a line of what we can and cannot do/change for them.

Because when we love someone, of course we want to fight their battles with them, if not for them. But if we want to be their rock of strength, we can’t get lost in it too, and of course that hurts.

Beatty takes us through these ideas and more, for example:

  • How to examine our own feelings even when it’s scary
  • How to practice self-love and regain self-worth, while still caring for them
  • How to stop being reactionary, step back, and act with purpose

If the book has any weak point, it’s that it repeatedly recommends 12-step programs, when in reality that’s just one option. But for those who wish to take another approach, this book does not require involvement in a 12-step program, so it’s not a barrier to usefulness.

Click here to check out Codependent No More and take care of yourself, too

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Recommended

  • This Naked Mind – by Annie Grace
  • How to Think More Effectively – by Alain de Botton
    Unlock the power of your mind with Alain de Botton’s guide to cognitive improvement. Challenge your thinking and make it more meaningful.

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  • Can We Do Fat Redistribution?

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    The famous answer: no

    The truthful answer: yes, and we are doing it all the time whether we want to or not, so we might as well know what things affect our fat distribution in various body parts.

    There’s a kernel of truth in the “no”, though, and where that comes from is that we cannot exclusively put fat on in a certain area only, and nor can we do “spot reduction”, i.e., intentionally lose fat from only one place.

    How, then, do we do fat redistribution?

    Your body is a living organism, not a statue

    It’s easy to think “I’ve been carrying this fat in this place for 20 years”, but during that time the fat has been replaced several times and moved often; in fact, the cells containing the fat have even been replaced. Because: fat can seem like a substance that’s alien to your body because it doesn’t respond like muscles, isn’t controllable like muscles, doesn’t have the same sensibility as muscles, etc. But, every bit of fat stored in your body is stored inside a fat cell; it’s not one big unit of fat; it’s lots of tiny ones.

    In reality, any given bit of fat on your body has probably been there for 18–24 months at most:

    Fat turnover in obese slower than average

    …and there are assorted factors that can modify the rate at which our body deals with fat storage:

    Human white adipose tissue: A highly dynamic metabolic organ

    So, how do I get rid of this tummy?

    There are plenty of stories of people who try to lose weight from one part of their body, and lose it from somewhere else instead. Say, a person wants to lose weight from her hips, and with careful diet and exercise, she loses weight—by dropping a couple of bra cup sizes while keeping the hips.

    So, we must figure out: why is fat stored in certain places? And the main driving factors are:

    • hormones
    • metabolic health
    • stress

    Hormones affect fat distribution insofar as estrogen and progesterone will favor the hips, thighs, butt, breasts, and testosterone will favor a more central (but still subcutaneous, not visceral) distribution. Additionally, estrogen and progesterone will favor a higher body fat percentage, while testosterone will favor a lower one.

    This is particularly relevant later in life, when suddenly the hormone(s) you’ve been relying on to keep your shape, are now declining, meaning your shape does too. This goes for everyone regardless of sex.

    See:

    Metabolic health affects fat distribution insofar as poor metabolic health will result in more fat being stored in the viscera, rather than in the usual subcutaneous places. This is a serious health risk.

    See: Visceral Belly Fat & How To Lose It

    Stress affects fat distribution insofar as chronically elevated cortisol levels see more fat sent to the stomach, face, and neck. This fat redistribution isn’t dangerous itself, but it can be indicative of the chronic stress, which does pose more of a general threat to health.

    See: Lower Your Cortisol! (Here’s Why & How)

    What this means in practical terms

    Assuming that you would like the fat distribution that says “this is a healthy woman” or “this is a healthy man”, respectively, then you might want to:

    • Check your sex hormone levels and get them adjusted if appropriate
    • Improve your overall metabolic health—without necessarily trying to lose weight, just, take care of your blood sugars for example, and they will take care of you in terms of fat storage.
    • Manage your stress (which includes any stress you are experiencing about your body not being how you’d like it to be).

    If you are doing these things, and you don’t have any major untreated medical abnormalities that affect these things, then your fat will go to the places generally considered healthiest.

    Can we speed it up?

    Yes, we can! Firstly, we can speed up our overall metabolism:

    Let’s Burn! Metabolic Tweaks And Hacks

    Secondly, we can encourage our body to “move” fat by intentionally “yo-yoing”, something usually considered bad in dieting when people just want to lose weight and instead are going up and down, but: if you lose weight healthily, it comes off everywhere evenly, and if you gain weight healthily, it goes mostly to the places where it should be.

    So, a sequence of lose-gain-lose-gain might look like “lose a bit from everywhere, put it back in the good place, lose a bit more from everywhere, put it back in the good place”, etc.

    So, you might want to gently cycle these a few months apart, for example:

    How To Lose Fat (Healthily!) | How To Gain Fat (Healthily!)

    You can also cheat a little, if it suits your purpose! By this we mean: if you’d like a little extra where you already have a little fat, then you can put muscle on underneath it, it will pad it up, and (because of the layer of actual fat on top) nobody will know the difference unless you flex it with their hand on it.

    Let’s put it this way: people doing squats for a bubble-butt aren’t doing it to put on fat; they’re putting muscle on under the fat they have.

    So, check out: How To Gain Muscle (Healthily!)

    And finally, for all your body-sculpting needs, we present these excellent books:

    Women’s Strength Training Anatomy Workouts – by Frédéric Delavier

    Strength Training Anatomy (For Men) – by Frédéric Delavier

    Enjoy!

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  • What you need to know about the new weight loss drug Zepbound

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    In a recent poll, KFF found that nearly half of U.S. adults were interested in taking a weight management drug like the increasingly popular Ozempic, Wegovy, and Mounjaro. 

    “I can understand why there would be widespread interest in these medications,” says Dr. Alyssa Lampe Dominguez, an endocrinologist and clinical assistant professor at the University of Southern California. “Obesity is a chronic disease that is very difficult to treat. And a lot of the medications that we previously used weren’t as effective.”

    Now, there’s a new option available: In November 2023, the FDA approved Zepbound, another weight management medication, developed by the pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly. Zepbound is different from other drugs in many ways, including the fact that it’s proven to be the most effective option so far.

    Keep reading to find out more about Zepbound, including who can take it, its side effects, and more. 

    What is Zepbound? 

    Zepbound, one of the brand names for tirzepatide, is an injectable drug with a maximum dosage of 15 mg per week. It’s based on incretin, a hormone that’s naturally released in the gut after a meal. (Mounjaro is another brand name for tirzepatide.) 

    Tirzepatide is considered a dual agonist because it activates the two primary incretin hormones: the glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) and gastric inhibitory peptide (GIP) hormones.

    According to Dr. Katherine H. Saunders, an obesity medicine physician at Weill Cornell Medicine and co-founder of Intellihealth, tirzepatide is involved with several processes that regulate blood sugar, slow the removal of food from the stomach, and affect brain areas involved in appetite.

    This means that people taking the medication feel less hungry and get fuller faster, leading to less food intake and, ultimately, weight loss.

    How is Zepbound different from Ozempic?

    The medications are different in many ways. Ozempic and Wegovy, which are both brand names for semaglutide, only target the GLP-1 hormone. Studies have shown that Zepbound can lead to a higher percentage of total body weight loss than semaglutide medications. In addition to being more effective, there is some evidence that Zepbound is overall more tolerable than Ozempic or Wegovy. 

    “I have seen overall lower rates in severity of side effects with the tirzepatide medications. Mounjaro [tirzepatide] in particular is the one that I’ve used up until this point, but there’s a thought that the GIP component of the medication actually decreases nausea,” adds Lampe Dominguez. “Anecdotally, patients that I have switched from semaglutide or Ozempic to Mounjaro say that they have less side effects with Mounjaro.”

    How is Zepbound different from Mounjaro? 

    Zepbound and Mounjaro are the same medication—tirzepatide—but they’re approved for different conditions. Zepbound is FDA-approved for weight loss, while Mounjaro is approved for type 2 diabetes. (However, Mounjaro is also at times prescribed off-label for weight loss.) 

    What are some of Zepbound’s side effects? 

    According to the FDA, side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, stomach discomfort and pain, fatigue, and burping. See a more comprehensive list of side effects here

    Who can take Zepbound?

    Zepbound is FDA-approved for adults with obesity (a BMI of 30 or greater) or who have a BMI of 27 or greater with at least one weight-related condition, like high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, or high cholesterol. 

    “I tend to advise patients who don’t meet those criteria to not take these medications because we really don’t know what the risks are,” says Lampe Dominguez, adding that people with lower BMI weren’t included in the medication’s studies. “We don’t know if there are specific risks to using this medication at a lower body mass index [or] if there might be some negative outcomes.”

    Both doctors agree that it’s important for people who are interested in starting any weight loss medication to talk to their doctors about the potential risks and benefits. For instance, the FDA notes that Zepbound has caused thyroid tumors in rats, and while it’s unknown if this could also happen to humans, the agency said the medication shouldn’t be used in patients with a personal or family history of medullary thyroid cancer. 

    “Zepbound is a powerful medication that can lead to severe side effects, vitamin deficiencies, a complete lack of appetite, or too much weight loss if prescribed without the appropriate personalization, education, and close monitoring,” says Saunders.

    “With all of these medications, and particularly with Zepbound, we would want to make sure that [patients] don’t have a family history of a specific type of thyroid cancer called medullary thyroid cancer,” says Lampe Dominguez.

    How long should people take Zepbound for?

    “Anti-obesity medications like Zepbound are not meant for short-term weight loss, but long-term treatment of obesity, which is a chronic disease,” explains Saunders. “We prepare our patients to be on the medication (or some type of medical obesity treatment) long term for their chronic disease, which is only controlled for the duration of time they’re being treated.”

    For more information, talk to your health care provider.

    This article first appeared on Public Good News and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.

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  • Thinking, Fast and Slow – by Dr. Daniel Kahneman

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    We all try to make the best decisions we can with the information available… Don’t we?

    Yet, somehow, a survival chance of 90% seems better than a mortality rate of 10%, and as it turns out, we as fallible humans are prey to all manner of dubious heuristics.

    Nobel Prize winner Dr. Daniel Kahneman lays out for us two sytems of thought process:

    • Fast, intuitive, emotional
    • Slow, deliberate, logical

    He makes the case for how and why we do need both, but often end up using the wrong one. He notes how the first is required for efficiency, or we would spend all day deciding what socks to wear… The second, meanwhile, is required for high-stakes decisions, but is lazy by nature, and often we don’t engage it when we ought to.

    Over the course of many diverse examples, Dr. Kahneman shows how again and again, the second system is slowly cogitating at the back of the class, while the first system is bouncing up and down with its hand in the air saying “I know! I know!”, even when, in fact, it does not know.

    For a book largely founded in economics (it’s a massive takedown of the notion of the rational consumer), it is not at all dry, and is very readable in style. It’s engaging throughout, and readers far removed from Wall Street will find plenty of ways it relates to our everyday lives.

    Bottom line: if you’d like to avoid making many mistakes in what you’d assumed to be rational decisions, this book is critical reading.

    Click here to check out “Thinking, Fast And Slow”, and enjoy the results of better decisions!

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Related Posts

  • This Naked Mind – by Annie Grace
  • Scattered Minds – by Dr. Gabor Maté

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This was not the first book that Dr. Maté sat down to write, by far. But it was the first that he actually completed. Guess why.

    Writing from a position of both personal and professional experience and understanding, Dr. Maté explores the inaptly-named Attention Deficit Disorder (if anything, there’s often a surplus of attention, just, to anything and everything rather than necessarily what would be most productive in the moment), its etiology, its presentation, and its management.

    This is a more enjoyable book than some others by the same author, as while this condition certainly isn’t without its share of woes (often, for example, a cycle of frustration and shame re “why can’t I just do the things; this is ruining my life and it would be so easy if I could just do the things!”), it’s not nearly so bleak as entire books about trauma, addiction, and so forth (worthy as those books also are).

    Dr. Maté frames it specifically as a development disorder, and one whereby with work, we can do the development later that (story of an ADHDer’s life) we should have done earlier but didn’t. In terms of practical advice, he includes a program for effecting this change, including as an adult.

    The style is easy-reading, in small chapters, with ADHD’d-up readers in mind, giving a strong sense of speeding pleasantly through the book.

    Bottom line: when it’s a book by Dr. Gabor Maté, you know it’s going to be good, and this is no exception. Certainly read it if you, anyone you care about, or even anyone you just spend a lot of time around, has ADHD or similar.

    Click here to check out Scattered Minds, and unscatter yours!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Brain Benefits in 3 Months…through walking?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Keeping it Simple

    Today’s video (below) is another Big Think production (can you tell that we love their work?). Wendy Suzuki does a wonderful job of breaking down the brain benefits of exercise into three categories, within three minutes.

    The first question to ask yourself is: what is your current level of fitness?

    Low Fitness

    Exercising, even if it’s just going on a walk, 2-3 times a week improves baseline mood state, as well as enhances prefrontal and hippocampal function. These areas of the brain are crucial for complex behaviors like planning and personality development, as well as memory and learning.

    Mid Fitness

    The suggested regimen is, without surprise, to slightly increase your regular workouts over three months. Whilst you’re already getting the benefits from the low-fitness routine, there is a likelihood that you’ll increase your baseline dopamine and serotonin levels–which, of course, we love! Read more on dopamine herehere, or here.

    High Fitness

    If you consider yourself in the high fitness bracket then well done, you’re doing an amazing job! Wendy Suzuki doesn’t make many suggestions for you; all she mentions is that there is the possibility of “too much” exercise actually having negative effects on the brain. However, if you’re not competing at an Olympic level, you should be fine.

    Fitness and Exercise in General

    Of course, fitness and exercise are both very broad terms. We would suggest that you find an exercise routine that you genuinely enjoy–something that is easy to continue over the long term. Try browsing different areas of exercise to see what resonates with you. For instance, Total Fitness After 40 is a great book on all things fitness in the second half of your life. Alternatively, search through our archive for fitness-related material.

    Anyway, without further ado, here is today’s video:

    How was the video? If you’ve discovered any great videos yourself that you’d like to share with fellow 10almonds readers, then please do email them to us!

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  • They Were Injured at the Super Bowl Parade. A Month Later, They Feel Forgotten.

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    KFF Health News and KCUR are following the stories of people injured during the Feb. 14 mass shooting at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl celebration. Listen to how one Kansas family is coping with the trauma.

    Jason Barton didn’t want to attend the Super Bowl parade this year. He told a co-worker the night before that he worried about a mass shooting. But it was Valentine’s Day, his wife is a Kansas City Chiefs superfan, and he couldn’t afford to take her to games since ticket prices soared after the team won the championship in 2020.

    So Barton drove 50 miles from Osawatomie, Kansas, to downtown Kansas City, Missouri, with his wife, Bridget, her 13-year-old daughter, Gabriella, and Gabriella’s school friend. When they finally arrived home that night, they cleaned blood from Gabriella’s sneakers and found a bullet in Bridget’s backpack.

    Gabriella’s legs were burned by sparks from a ricocheted bullet, Bridget was trampled while shielding Gabriella in the chaos, and Jason gave chest compressions to a man injured by gunfire. He believes it was Lyndell Mays, one of two men charged with second-degree felony murder.

    “There’s never going to be a Valentine’s Day where I look back and I don’t think about it,” Gabriella said, “because that’s a day where we’re supposed to have fun and appreciate the people that we have.”

    One month after the parade in which the U.S. public health crisis that is gun violence played out on live television, the Bartons are reeling from their role at its epicenter. They were just feet from 43-year-old Lisa Lopez-Galvan, who was killed. Twenty-four other people were injured. Although the Bartons aren’t included in that official victim number, they were traumatized, physically and emotionally, and pain permeates their lives: Bridget and Jason keep canceling plans to go out, opting instead to stay home together; Gabriella plans to join a boxing club instead of the dance team.

    During this first month, Kansas City community leaders have weighed how to care for people caught in the bloody crossfire and how to divide more than $2 million donated to public funds for victims in the initial outpouring of grief.

    The questions are far-reaching: How does a city compensate people for medical bills, recovery treatments, counseling, and lost wages? And what about those who have PTSD-like symptoms that could last years? How does a community identify and care for victims often overlooked in the first flush of reporting on a mass shooting: the injured?

    The injured list could grow. Prosecutors and Kansas City police are mounting a legal case against four of the shooting suspects, and are encouraging additional victims to come forward.

    “Specifically, we’re looking for individuals who suffered wounds from their trying to escape. A stampede occurred while people were trying to flee,” said Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker. Anyone who “in the fleeing of this event that maybe fell down, you were trampled, you sprained an ankle, you broke a bone.”

    Meanwhile, people who took charge of raising money and providing services to care for the injured are wrestling with who gets the money — and who doesn’t. Due to large donations from celebrities like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, some victims or their families will have access to hundreds of thousands of dollars for medical expenses. Other victims may simply have their counseling covered.

    The overall economic cost of U.S. firearm injuries is estimated by a recent Harvard Medical School study at $557 billion annually. Most of that — 88% — represented quality-of-life losses among those injured by firearms and their families. The JAMA-published study found that each nonfatal firearm injury leads to roughly $30,000 in direct health care spending per survivor in the first year alone.

    In the immediate aftermath of the shootings, as well-intentioned GoFundMe pages popped up to help victims, executives at United Way of Greater Kansas City gathered to devise a collective donation response. They came up with “three concentric circles of victims,” said Jessica Blubaugh, the United Way’s chief philanthropy officer, and launched the #KCStrong campaign.

    “There were folks that were obviously directly impacted by gunfire. Then the next circle out is folks that were impacted, not necessarily by gunshots, but by physical impact. So maybe they were trampled and maybe they tore a ligament or something because they were running away,” Blubaugh said. “Then third is folks that were just adjacent and/or bystanders that have a lot of trauma from all of this.”

    PTSD, Panic, and the Echo of Gunfire

    Bridget Barton returned to Kansas City the day after the shooting to turn in the bullet she found in her backpack and to give a statement at police headquarters. Unbeknownst to her, Mayor Quinton Lucas and the police and fire chiefs had just finished a press conference outside the building. She was mobbed by the media assembled there — interviews that are now a blur.

    “I don’t know how you guys do this every day,” she remembered telling a detective once she finally got inside.

    The Bartons have been overwhelmed by well wishes from close friends and family as they navigate the trauma, almost to the point of exhaustion. Bridget took to social media to explain she wasn’t ignoring the messages, she’s just responding as she feels able — some days she can hardly look at her phone, she said.

    A family friend bought new Barbie blankets for Gabriella and her friend after the ones they brought to the parade were lost or ruined. Bridget tried replacing the blankets herself at her local Walmart, but when she was bumped accidentally, it triggered a panic attack. She abandoned her cart and drove home.

    “I’m trying to get my anxiety under control,” Bridget said.

    That means therapy. Before the parade, she was already seeing a therapist and planning to begin eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, a form of therapy associated with treating post-traumatic stress disorder. Now the shooting is the first thing she wants to talk about in therapy.

    Since Gabriella, an eighth grader, has returned to middle school, she has dealt with the compounding immaturity of adolescence: peers telling her to get over it, pointing finger guns at her, or even saying it should have been her who was shot. But her friends are checking on her and asking how she’s doing. She wishes more people would do the same for her friend, who took off running when the shooting started and avoided injury. Gabriella feels guilty about bringing her to what turned into a horrifying experience.

    “We can tell her all day long, ‘It wasn’t your fault. She’s not your responsibility.’ Just like I can tell myself, ‘It wasn’t my fault or my responsibility,’” Bridget said. “But I still bawled on her mom’s shoulder telling her how sorry I was that I grabbed my kid first.”

    The two girls have spent a lot of time talking since the shooting, which Gabriella said helps with her own stress. So does spending time with her dog and her lizard, putting on makeup, and listening to music — Tech N9ne’s performance was a highlight of the Super Bowl celebration for her.

    In addition to the spark burns on Gabriella’s legs, when she fell to the concrete in the pandemonium she split open a burn wound on her stomach previously caused by a styling iron.

    “When I see that, I just picture my mom trying to protect me and seeing everyone run,” Gabriella said of the wound.

    It’s hard not to feel forgotten by the public, Bridget said. The shooting, especially its survivors, have largely faded from the headlines aside from court dates. Two additional high-profile shootings have occurred in the area since the parade. Doesn’t the community care, she wonders, that her family is still living with the fallout every day?

    “I’m going to put this as plainly as possible. I’m f—ing pissed because my family went through something traumatic,” Bridget vented in a recent social media post. “I don’t really want anything other [than], ‘Your story matters, too, and we want to know how you’re doing.’ Have we gotten that? Abso-f—lutely not.”

    ‘What Is the Landscape of Need?’

    Helped in part by celebrities like Swift and Kelce, donations for the family of Lopez-Galvan, the lone fatality, and other victims poured in immediately after the shootings. Swift and Kelce donated $100,000 each. With the help of an initial $200,000 donation from the Kansas City Chiefs, the United Way’s #KCStrong campaign took off, reaching $1 million in the first two weeks and sitting at $1.2 million now.

    Six verified GoFundMe funds were established. One solely for the Lopez-Galvan family has collected over $406,000. Smaller ones were started by a local college student and Swift fans. Churches have also stepped up, and one local coalition had raised $183,000, money set aside for Lopez-Galvan’s funeral, counseling services for five victims, and other medical bills from Children’s Mercy Kansas City hospital, said Ray Jarrett, executive director of Unite KC.

    Money for Victims Rolls In

    Donations poured in for those injured at the Super Bowl Parade in Kansas City after the Feb. 14 shootings. The largest, starting with a $200,000 donation from the Kansas City Chiefs, is at the United Way of Greater Kansas City. Six GoFundMe sites also popped up, due in part to $100,000 donations each from Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Here’s a look at the totals as of March 12.United Way#KCStrong: $1.2 million.Six Verified GoFundMe AccountsLisa Lopez-Galvan GoFundMe (Taylor Swift donated): $406,142Reyes Family GoFundMe (Travis Kelce donated): $207,035Samuel Arellano GoFundMe: $11,896Emily Tavis GoFundMe: $9,518Cristian Martinez’s GoFundMe for United Way: $2,967Swifties’ GoFundMe for Children’s Mercy hospital: $1,060ChurchesResurrection (Methodist) “Victims of Violence Fund”: $53,358‘The Church Loves Kansas City’: $183,000 

    Meanwhile, those leading the efforts found models in other cities. The United Way’s Blubaugh called counterparts who’d responded to their own mass shootings in Orlando, Florida; Buffalo, New York; and Newtown, Connecticut.

    “The unfortunate reality is we have a cadre of communities across the country who have already faced tragedies like this,” Blubaugh said. “So there is an unfortunate protocol that is, sort of, already in place.”

    #KCStrong monies could start being paid out by the end of March, Blubaugh said. Hundreds of people called the nonprofit’s 211 line, and the United Way is consulting with hospitals and law enforcement to verify victims and then offer services they may need, she said.

    The range of needs is staggering — several people are still recovering at home, some are seeking counseling, and many weren’t even counted in the beginning. For instance, a plainclothes police officer was injured in the melee but is doing fine now, said Police Chief Stacey Graves.

    Determining who is eligible for assistance was one of the first conversations United Way officials had when creating the fund. They prioritized three areas of focus: first were the wounded victims and their families, second was collaborating with organizations already helping victims in violence intervention and prevention and mental health services, and third were the first responders.

    Specifically, the funds will be steered to cover medical bills, or lost wages for those who haven’t been able to work since the shootings, Blubaugh said. The goal is to work quickly to help people, she said, but also to spend the money in a judicious, strategic way.

    “We don’t have a clear sightline of the entire landscape that we’re dealing with,” Blubaugh said. “Not only of how much money do we have to work with, but also, what is the landscape of need? And we need both of those things to be able to make those decisions.”

    Firsthand Experience of Daily Kansas City Violence

    Jason used his lone remaining sick day to stay home with Bridget and Gabriella. An overnight automation technician, he is the family’s primary breadwinner.

    “I can’t take off work, you know?” he said. “It happened. It sucked. But it’s time to move on.”

    “He’s a guy’s guy,” Bridget interjected.

    On Jason’s first night back at work, the sudden sound of falling dishes startled Bridget and Gabriella, sending them into each other’s arms crying.

    “It’s just those moments of flashbacks that are kicking our butts,” Bridget said.

    Tell Us About Your Experience

    We are continuing to report on the effects of the parade shooting on the people who were injured and the community as a whole. Do you have an experience you want to tell us about, or a question you think we should look into? Message KCUR’s text line at (816) 601-4777. Your information will not be used in an article without your permission.

    In a way, the shooting has brought the family closer. They’ve been through a lot recently. Jason survived a heart attack and cancer last year. Raising a teenager is never easy.

    Bridget can appreciate that the bullet lodged in her backpack, narrowly missing her, and that Gabriella’s legs were burned by sparks but she wasn’t shot.

    Jason is grateful for another reason: It wasn’t a terrorist attack, as he initially feared. Instead, it fits into the type of gun violence he’d become accustomed to growing up in Kansas City, which recorded its deadliest year last year, although he’d never been this close to it before.

    “This crap happens every single day,” he said. “The only difference is we were here for it.”

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

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