An Important Way That Love Gets Eroded

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It is unusual for a honeymoon period to last forever, but some relationships fair a lot better than others. Not just in terms of staying together vs separating, but in terms of happiness and satisfaction in the relationship. What’s the secret? There are many, but here’s one of them…

Communication

In this video, the case is made for a specific aspect of communication: airing grievances.

Superficially, this doesn’t seem like a recipe for happiness, but it is one important ingredient—that it’s dangerously easy to let small grievances add up and eat away at one’s love and patience, until one day resentment outweighs attachment, and at that point, it often becomes a case of “checking out before you leave”, remaining in the relationship more due to inertia than volition.

Which, in turn, will likely start to cause resentment on the other side, and eventually things will crumble and/or explode.

In contrast, if we make sure to speak our feelings clearly (10almonds note, not in the video: we think that doing so compassionately is also important), the bad as well as the good, then it means that:

  • things don’t stack up and fester (there will less likely be a “final straw” if we are regularly removing straws)
  • there is an opportunity for change (in contrast, our partner would be unlikely to adjust anything to correct a problem they don’t know about)
  • all but the most inclined-to-anxiety partners can rest easy, because they know that if we had a problem, we’d tell them

This is definitely only one critical aspect of communication; this video for example says nothing about actually being affectionate with one’s partner, or making sure to accept emotional bids for connection (per that story that goes “I knew my marriage was over when he wouldn’t come look at the tomatoes I grew”), but it is one worth considering—even if we at 10almonds would advise being gentle yet honest, and where possible balancing, in aggregate if not in the moment, with positive things (per Gottman’s ratio of 5:1 good moments to bad, being the magic number for marriages that “work”).

For more on why it’s so important to be able to safely air grievances, see:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Want to learn more?

You might also like to read:

Seriously Useful Communication Skills! ← this deals with some of the important gaps left by the video

Take care!

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  • Red Cabbage vs Cauliflower – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing red cabbage to cauliflower, we picked the cabbage.

    Why?

    In terms of macros, there’s no meaningful difference between them; they’re both mostly water with just enough fiber to hold them together, a small amount of carbs, and an even more trivial amount of protein. So, a tie on macros.

    Looking at the vitamins, red cabbage has more of vitamins A, B1, B2, B6, C, E, and K, while cauliflower has more of vitamins B3, B5, B9, and choline. So, a 7:4 win for red cabbage.

    In the category of minerals, red cabbage has more calcium, manganese, and iron, while cauliflower has more copper, phosphorus, and potassium. The margins of difference are comparable too, thus, a 3:3 tie on minerals.

    It’s always worth taking a look at polyphenols for plants like these, but in this case, once again, there’s not much to set one above the other. However, it’s good to note also that despite them both being Brassica oleracea (same species, different cultivar), there isn’t much overlap in their polyphenol content, meaning they complement each other very well. In particular, red cabbage is a source of luteolin and quercetin, while cauliflower is a source of gallic acid and caffeic acid, for example.

    Adding up the three ties and the one win for red cabbage, gives the cabbage the victory today—but do enjoy either or both; diversity is good!

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    21 Most Beneficial Polyphenols & What Foods Have Them

    Enjoy!

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  • Creatine’s Brain Benefits Increase With Age

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    Creatine is generally thought of as a body-building supplement, and for most young people, that’s all it is. But with extra years come extra advantages, and creatine starts to confer cognitive benefits. Dr. Brad Stanfield shares the science:

    What the science says

    Although 95% of creatine is stored in muscles, 5% is found in the brain, where it helps produce energy needed for brain processes (and that’s a lot of energy—about 20% of our body’s metabolic base rate is accounted for by our brain).

    In this video, Dr. Stanfield shares studies showing creatine improving memory, especially in older adults—and also in vegetarians/vegans, since creatine is found in meat (just like in our own bodies, which are also made of meat) and not in plants. On the meta-analysis level, a systematic review concluded that creatine supplementation indeed improves memory, with stronger effects observed in older adults.

    Dr. Stanfield also addresses the safety concerns about creatine, which, on balance, are not actually supported by the science (of course, always consult your own doctor to be sure, as your case could vary).

    As for dosage, 5g/day is recommended. For more on all of this plus links to the studies cited, enjoy:

    Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

    Want to learn more?

    You might also like to read:

    Creatine: Very Different For Young & Old People

    Take care!

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  • Macadamias vs Hazelnuts – Which is Healthier?

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    Our Verdict

    When comparing macadamias to hazelnuts, we picked the hazelnuts.

    Why?

    In terms of macros first, hazelnuts have 2x the protein, and slightly more carbs and fiber. We call this a win for hazelnuts.

    When it comes to vitamins, macadamias have more of vitamins B1, B2, and B3, while hazelnuts have more of vitamins A, B5, B6, B7, B9, C, and E. Notably, 28x more vitamin E, so that’s not inconsiderable. Also 10x the vitamin B9, and 5x the vitamin C, and the rest, more modest wins. In any case, clearly a strong win for hazelnuts here.

    In the category of minerals, macadamias have more selenium, while hazelnuts have more calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, and zinc. Another clear win for hazelnuts.

    In short, hazelnuts win in all categories. However, by all means enjoy either or both (unless you have a nut allergy, in which case, obviously don’t).

    Want to learn more?

    You might like to read:

    Why You Should Diversify Your Nuts

    Take care!

    Share This Post

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  • What happens to your vagina as you age?

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    The vagina is an internal organ with a complex ecosystem, influenced by circulating hormone levels which change during the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, breastfeeding and menopause.

    Around and after menopause, there are normal changes in the growth and function of vaginal cells, as well as the vagina’s microbiome (groups of bacteria living in the vagina). Many women won’t notice these changes. They don’t usually cause symptoms or concern, but if they do, symptoms can usually be managed.

    Here’s what happens to your vagina as you age, whether you notice or not.

    Let’s clear up the terminology

    We’re focusing on the vagina, the muscular tube that goes from the external genitalia (the vulva), past the cervix, to the womb (uterus). Sometimes the word “vagina” is used to include the external genitalia. However, these are different organs and play different roles in women’s health.

    What happens to the vagina as you age?

    Like many other organs in the body, the vagina is sensitive to female sex steroid hormones (hormones) that change around puberty, pregnancy and menopause.

    Menopause is associated with a drop in circulating oestrogen concentrations and the hormone progesterone is no longer produced. The changes in hormones affect the vagina and its ecosystem. Effects may include:

    • less vaginal secretions, potentially leading to dryness
    • less growth of vagina surface cells resulting in a thinned lining
    • alteration to the support structure (connective tissue) around the vagina leading to less elasticity and more narrowing
    • fewer blood vessels around the vagina, which may explain less blood flow after menopause
    • a shift in the type and balance of bacteria, which can change vaginal acidity, from more acidic to more alkaline.

    What symptoms can I expect?

    Many women do not notice any bothersome vaginal changes as they age. There’s also little evidence many of these changes cause vaginal symptoms. For example, there is no direct evidence these changes cause vaginal infection or bleeding in menopausal women.

    Some women notice vaginal dryness after menopause, which may be linked to less vaginal secretions. This may lead to pain and discomfort during sex. But it’s not clear how much of this dryness is due to menopause, as younger women also commonly report it. In one study, 47% of sexually active postmenopausal women reported vaginal dryness, as did around 20% of premenopausal women.

    Other organs close to the vagina, such as the bladder and urethra, are also affected by the change in hormone levels after menopause. Some women experience recurrent urinary tract infections, which may cause pain (including pain to the side of the body) and irritation. So their symptoms are in fact not coming from the vagina itself but relate to changes in the urinary tract.

    Not everyone has the same experience

    Women vary in whether they notice vaginal changes and whether they are bothered by these to the same extent. For example, women with vaginal dryness who are not sexually active may not notice the change in vaginal secretions after menopause. However, some women notice severe dryness that affects their daily function and activities.

    In fact, researchers globally are taking more notice of women’s experiences of menopause to inform future research. This includes prioritising symptoms that matter to women the most, such as vaginal dryness, discomfort, irritation and pain during sex.

    If symptoms bother you

    Symptoms such as dryness, irritation, or pain during sex can usually be effectively managed. Lubricants may reduce pain during sex. Vaginal moisturisers may reduce dryness. Both are available over-the-counter at your local pharmacy.

    While there are many small clinical trials of individual products, these studies lack the power to demonstrate if they are really effective in improving vaginal symptoms.

    In contrast, there is robust evidence that vaginal oestrogen is effective in treating vaginal dryness and reducing pain during sex. It also reduces your chance of recurrent urinary tract infections. You can talk to your doctor about a prescription.

    Vaginal oestrogen is usually inserted using an applicator, two to three times a week. Very little is absorbed into the blood stream, it is generally safe but longer-term trials are required to confirm safety in long-term use beyond a year.

    Women with a history of breast cancer should see their oncologist to discuss using oestrogen as it may not be suitable for them.

    Are there other treatments?

    New treatments for vaginal dryness are under investigation. One avenue relates to our growing understanding of how the vaginal microbiome adapts and modifies around changes in circulating and local concentrations of hormones.

    For example, a small number of reports show that combining vaginal probiotics with low-dose vaginal oestrogen can improve vaginal symptoms. But more evidence is needed before this is recommended.

    Where to from here?

    The normal ageing process, as well as menopause, both affect the vagina as we age.

    Most women do not have troublesome vaginal symptoms during and after menopause, but for some, these may cause discomfort or distress.

    While hormonal treatments such as vaginal oestrogen are available, there is a pressing need for more non-hormonal treatments.

    Dr Sianan Healy, from Women’s Health Victoria, contributed to this article.

    Louie Ye, Clinical Fellow, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, The University of Melbourne and Martha Hickey, Professor of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, The University of Melbourne

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

    The Conversation

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  • How a Friend’s Death Turned Colorado Teens Into Anti-Overdose Activists

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    Gavinn McKinney loved Nike shoes, fireworks, and sushi. He was studying Potawatomi, one of the languages of his Native American heritage. He loved holding his niece and smelling her baby smell. On his 15th birthday, the Durango, Colorado, teen spent a cold December afternoon chopping wood to help neighbors who couldn’t afford to heat their homes.

    McKinney almost made it to his 16th birthday. He died of fentanyl poisoning at a friend’s house in December 2021. His friends say it was the first time he tried hard drugs. The memorial service was so packed people had to stand outside the funeral home.

    Now, his peers are trying to cement their friend’s legacy in state law. They recently testified to state lawmakers in support of a bill they helped write to ensure students can carry naloxone with them at all times without fear of discipline or confiscation. School districts tend to have strict medication policies. Without special permission, Colorado students can’t even carry their own emergency medications, such as an inhaler, and they are not allowed to share them with others.

    “We realized we could actually make a change if we put our hearts to it,” said Niko Peterson, a senior at Animas High School in Durango and one of McKinney’s friends who helped write the bill. “Being proactive versus being reactive is going to be the best possible solution.”

    Individual school districts or counties in California, Maryland, and elsewhere have rules expressly allowing high school students to carry naloxone. But Jon Woodruff, managing attorney at the Legislative Analysis and Public Policy Association, said he wasn’t aware of any statewide law such as the one Colorado is considering. Woodruff’s Washington, D.C.-based organization researches and drafts legislation on substance use.

    Naloxone is an opioid antagonist that can halt an overdose. Available over the counter as a nasal spray, it is considered the fire extinguisher of the opioid epidemic, for use in an emergency, but just one tool in a prevention strategy. (People often refer to it as “Narcan,” one of the more recognizable brand names, similar to how tissues, regardless of brand, are often called “Kleenex.”)

    The Biden administration last year backed an ad campaign encouraging young people to carry the emergency medication.

    Most states’ naloxone access laws protect do-gooders, including youth, from liability if they accidentally harm someone while administering naloxone. But without school policies explicitly allowing it, the students’ ability to bring naloxone to class falls into a gray area.

    Ryan Christoff said that in September 2022 fellow staff at Centaurus High School in Lafayette, Colorado, where he worked and which one of his daughters attended at the time, confiscated naloxone from one of her classmates.

    “She didn’t have anything on her other than the Narcan, and they took it away from her,” said Christoff, who had provided the confiscated Narcan to that student and many others after his daughter nearly died from fentanyl poisoning. “We should want every student to carry it.”

    Boulder Valley School District spokesperson Randy Barber said the incident “was a one-off and we’ve done some work since to make sure nurses are aware.” The district now encourages everyone to consider carrying naloxone, he said.

    Community’s Devastation Turns to Action

    In Durango, McKinney’s death hit the community hard. McKinney’s friends and family said he didn’t do hard drugs. The substance he was hooked on was Tapatío hot sauce — he even brought some in his pocket to a Rockies game.

    After McKinney died, people started getting tattoos of the phrase he was known for, which was emblazoned on his favorite sweatshirt: “Love is the cure.” Even a few of his teachers got them. But it was classmates, along with their friends at another high school in town, who turned his loss into a political movement.

    “We’re making things happen on behalf of him,” Peterson said.

    The mortality rate has spiked in recent years, with more than 1,500 other children and teens in the U.S. dying of fentanyl poisoning the same year as McKinney. Most youth who die of overdoses have no known history of taking opioids, and many of them likely thought they were taking prescription opioids like OxyContin or Percocet — not the fake prescription pills that increasingly carry a lethal dose of fentanyl.

    “Most likely the largest group of teens that are dying are really teens that are experimenting, as opposed to teens that have a long-standing opioid use disorder,” said Joseph Friedman, a substance use researcher at UCLA who would like to see schools provide accurate drug education about counterfeit pills, such as with Stanford’s Safety First curriculum.

    Allowing students to carry a low-risk, lifesaving drug with them is in many ways the minimum schools can do, he said.

    “I would argue that what the schools should be doing is identifying high-risk teens and giving them the Narcan to take home with them and teaching them why it matters,” Friedman said.

    Writing in The New England Journal of Medicine, Friedman identified Colorado as a hot spot for high school-aged adolescent overdose deaths, with a mortality rate more than double that of the nation from 2020 to 2022.

    “Increasingly, fentanyl is being sold in pill form, and it’s happening to the largest degree in the West,” said Friedman. “I think that the teen overdose crisis is a direct result of that.”

    If Colorado lawmakers approve the bill, “I think that’s a really important step,” said Ju Nyeong Park, an assistant professor of medicine at Brown University, who leads a research group focused on how to prevent overdoses. “I hope that the Colorado Legislature does and that other states follow as well.”

    Park said comprehensive programs to test drugs for dangerous contaminants, better access to evidence-based treatment for adolescents who develop a substance use disorder, and promotion of harm reduction tools are also important. “For example, there is a national hotline called Never Use Alone that anyone can call anonymously to be supervised remotely in case of an emergency,” she said.

    Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands

    Many Colorado school districts are training staff how to administer naloxone and are stocking it on school grounds through a program that allows them to acquire it from the state at little to no cost. But it was clear to Peterson and other area high schoolers that having naloxone at school isn’t enough, especially in rural places.

    “The teachers who are trained to use Narcan will not be at the parties where the students will be using the drugs,” he said.

    And it isn’t enough to expect teens to keep it at home.

    “It’s not going to be helpful if it’s in somebody’s house 20 minutes outside of town. It’s going to be helpful if it’s in their backpack always,” said Zoe Ramsey, another of McKinney’s friends and a senior at Animas High School.

    “We were informed it was against the rules to carry naloxone, and especially to distribute it,” said Ilias “Leo” Stritikus, who graduated from Durango High School last year.

    But students in the area, and their school administrators, were uncertain: Could students get in trouble for carrying the opioid antagonist in their backpacks, or if they distributed it to friends? And could a school or district be held liable if something went wrong?

    He, along with Ramsey and Peterson, helped form the group Students Against Overdose. Together, they convinced Animas, which is a charter school, and the surrounding school district, to change policies. Now, with parental permission, and after going through training on how to administer it, students may carry naloxone on school grounds.

    Durango School District 9-R spokesperson Karla Sluis said at least 45 students have completed the training.

    School districts in other parts of the nation have also determined it’s important to clarify students’ ability to carry naloxone.

    “We want to be a part of saving lives,” said Smita Malhotra, chief medical director for Los Angeles Unified School District in California.

    Los Angeles County had one of the nation’s highest adolescent overdose death tallies of any U.S. county: From 2020 to 2022, 111 teens ages 14 to 18 died. One of them was a 15-year-old who died in a school bathroom of fentanyl poisoning. Malhotra’s district has since updated its policy on naloxone to permit students to carry and administer it.

    “All students can carry naloxone in our school campuses without facing any discipline,” Malhotra said. She said the district is also doubling down on peer support and hosting educational sessions for families and students.

    Montgomery County Public Schools in Maryland took a similar approach. School staff had to administer naloxone 18 times over the course of a school year, and five students died over the course of about one semester.

    When the district held community forums on the issue, Patricia Kapunan, the district’s medical officer, said, “Students were very vocal about wanting access to naloxone. A student is very unlikely to carry something in their backpack which they think they might get in trouble for.”

    So it, too, clarified its policy. While that was underway, local news reported that high school students found a teen passed out, with purple lips, in the bathroom of a McDonald’s down the street from their school, and used Narcan to revive them. It was during lunch on a school day.

    “We can’t Narcan our way out of the opioid use crisis,” said Kapunan. “But it was critical to do it first. Just like knowing 911.”

    Now, with the support of the district and county health department, students are training other students how to administer naloxone. Jackson Taylor, one of the student trainers, estimated they trained about 200 students over the course of three hours on a recent Saturday.

    “It felt amazing, this footstep toward fixing the issue,” Taylor said.

    Each trainee left with two doses of naloxone.

    This article was produced by KFF Health News, which publishes California Healthline, an editorially independent service of the California Health Care Foundation. 

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

    Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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  • Valentine’s Day & Your Heart

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    We’re not talking metaphorically; this is about your “beating wet pumpy thing” as a friend of this writer once put it!

    Heart to heart

    A dietician calls for us to take care of our hearts this Valentine’s Day, with ideas such as:

    • Teamwork makes the dream work: support your partner’s health objectives by choosing gifts or activities that align with their goals, such as opting for new running shoes instead of candy if they aim to exercise more.
    • Split up… Dinner: instead of consuming large portions individually, consider sharing a decadent meal to reduce metabolic load while still enjoying the experience together.
    • A moving experience: plan active dates like hiking, dancing, or taking a walk, which promote both bonding and cardiovascular health. And if you can think of other perhaps “vigorous activities” you might enjoy doing together on Valentine’s Day, then that’s great for your heart too!
    • Be aware of mutual health influences: recognize that partners can impact each other’s health behaviors and risks; making healthy choices together can strengthen both the relationship and individual well-being.
    • No date, no problem: if you’re single this Valentine’s Day, consider connecting with friends, of if that’s not for you, perhaps treating yourself to a “self-care day” at home.

    Read in full: Celebrate Valentine’s Day with actual hearts in mind, says dietitian

    Related: Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much!

    Playing the hand you’re dealt

    We can make many choices in life that affect our health one way or the other, but there are some things we can’t control, and that includes a family history of some disease or other. In the case of a family history of heart conditions, all is not lost, and you can still play the odds:

    • Diet: rich in fiber, especially fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, and whole grains. Go easy on sugary, salty, and/or processed foods. Yes, sugary too! Sugary foods can increase blood pressure in the same way that salt does, by forcing the same homeostatic response.
    • Exercise: prioritize movement, as in those “active minutes” that your smartwatch tracks. That famous “150 minutes per week” is great; more is better.
    • Sleep: get up regularly around the same time each morning, preferably early. You should get to the point whereby you wake up shortly before the time your alarm would go off, each morning.
    • Avoid: smoking and alcohol. They are both terrible for heart health.
    • Teamwork: work with healthcare professionals to manage your heart health; a personalized plan is best, and they are there to help.

    Remember, genes predispose; they don’t predetermine:

    Read in full: Expert explains how to improve heart health, even if your family has history of heart conditions

    Related: The Whole Heart Solution: Halt Heart Disease Now With the Best Alternatives and Traditional Medicine

    Not so sweet?

    Chocolate is famously high in antioxidants, but that must be weighed against other factors, if for example you’re eating a product that, when all’s said and done and the ingredients list is read, is mostly sugar.

    That can be avoided, though! If you do like chocolate, we recommend getting dark chocolate with a high percentage of cocoa; 90% is great if you can find it!

    Even so, the saturated fat content means you still might want to make it a moment for intentional “mindful eating” of a square or two, before setting it aside for another day:

    Read in full: Valentine’s Day and chocolate are a perfect match, but is it a healthy relationship?

    Related: 10 “Healthy” Foods That Are Often Worse Than You Think

    Take care!

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