Welcoming the Unwelcome – by Pema Chödrön

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There’s a lot in life that we don’t get to choose. Some things we have zero control over, like the weather. Others, we can only influence, like our health. Still yet others might give us an illusion of control, only to snatch it away, like a financial reversal or a bereavement.

How, then, to suffer those “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” and come through the other side with an even mind and a whole heart?

Author Pema Chödrön has a guidebook for us.

Quick note: this book does not require the reader to have any particular religious faith to enjoy its benefits, but the author is a nun. As such, the way she describes things is generally within the frame of her religion. So that’s a thing to be aware of in case it might bother you. That said…

The largest part of her approach is one that psychology might describe as rational emotive behavioral therapy.

As such, we are encouraged to indeed “meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same”, and more importantly, she lays out the tools for us to do so.

Does this mean not caring? No! Quite the opposite. It is expected, and even encouraged, that we might care very much. But: this book looks at how to care and remain compassionate, to others and to ourselves.

For Chödrön, welcoming the unwelcome is about de-toothing hardship by accepting it as a part of the complex tapestry of life, rather than something to be endured.

Bottom line: this book can greatly increase the reader’s ability to “go placidly amid the noise and haste” and bring peace to an often hectic world—starting with our own.

Click here to check out Welcoming the Unwelcome, and learn what’s practically a superpower in this sometimes crazy world.

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Recommended

  • You, Happier – by Dr. Daniel Amen
  • Young Mind Young Body – by Sue Ziang
    Holistic health coach Ziang’s book offers insights on mind-rejuvenation and practical physical health tips like mindful eating and moving more for a balanced lifestyle.

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  • Anti-Cholesterol Cardamom & Pistachio Porridge

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    This tasty breakfast’s beta-glucan content binds to cholesterol and carries it out of the body; there are lots of other nutritional benefits too!

    You will need

    • 1 cup coconut milk
    • ⅓ cup oats
    • 4 tbsp crushed pistachios
    • 6 cardamom pods, crushed
    • 1 tsp rose water or 4 drops edible rose essential oil
    • Optional sweetener: drizzle of honey or maple syrup
    • Optional garnishes: rose petals, chopped nuts, dried fruit

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Heat the coconut milk, adding the oats and crushed cardamom pods. Simmer for 5–10 minutes depending on how cooked you want the oats to be.

    2) Stir in the crushed pistachio nuts, as well as the rose water.

    3) Serve in a bowl, adding any optional toppings:

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Is ADHD Being Over-Diagnosed For Cash?

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    Is ADHD Being Systematically Overdiagnosed?

    The BBC’s investigative “Panorama” program all so recently did a documentary in which one of their journalists—who does not have ADHD—went to three private clinics and got an ADHD diagnosis from each of them:

    So… Is it really a case of show up, pay up, and get a shiny new diagnosis?

    The BBC Panorama producers cherry-picked 3 private providers, and during those clinical assessments, their journalist provided answers that would certainly lead to a diagnosis.

    This was contrasted against a three-hour assessment with an NHS psychiatrist—something that rarely happens in the NHS. Which prompts the question…

    How did he walk into a 3-hour psychiatrist assessment, when most people have to wait in long waiting lists for a much more cursory appointment first with assorted gatekeepers, before going on another long waiting list, for an also-much-shorter appointment with a psychiatrist?

    That would be because the NHS psychiatrist was given advance notification that this was part of an investigation and would be filmed (the private clinics were not gifted the same transparency)

    So, maybe just a tad unequal treatment!

    In case you’re wondering, here’s what that very NHS psychiatrist had to say on the topic:

    Is it really too easy to be diagnosed with ADHD?

    (we’ll give you a hint—remember Betteridge’s Law!)

    ❝Since the documentary aired, I have heard from people concerned that GPs could now be more likely to question legitimate diagnoses.

    But as an NHS psychiatrist it is clear to me that the root of this issue is not overdiagnosis.

    Instead, we are facing the combined challenges of remedying decades of underdiagnosis and NHS services that were set up when there was little awareness of ADHD.❞

    ~ Dr. Mike Smith, Psychiatrist

    The ADHD foundation, meanwhile, has issued its own response, saying:

    ❝We are disappointed that BBC Panorama has opted to broadcast a poorly researched, sensationalist piece of television journalism.❞

    Click here to read their full statement!

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  • Water Fluoridation, Atheroma, & More

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    It’s Q&A Day at 10almonds!

    Have a question or a request? You can always hit “reply” to any of our emails, or use the feedback widget at the bottom!

    In cases where we’ve already covered something, we might link to what we wrote before, but will always be happy to revisit any of our topics again in the future too—there’s always more to say!

    As ever: if the question/request can be answered briefly, we’ll do it here in our Q&A Thursday edition. If not, we’ll make a main feature of it shortly afterwards!

    So, no question/request too big or small 😎

    ❝I watched a documentary recently on Fluoride in our drinking water & the dangers of it. Why are we poisoning our water?❞

    This is a great question, and it certainly is controversial. It sounds like the documentary you watched was predominantly or entirely negative, but there’s a lot of science to back both sides of this, and it’s not even that the science is contradictory (it’s not). It’s that what differs is people’s opinions about whether benefiting one thing is worth creating a risk to another, and that means looking at:

    • What is the risk associated with taking no action (error of omission)?
    • What is the risk associated with taking an action (error of commission)?

    The whole topic is worth a main feature, but to summarize a few key points:

    • Water fluoridation is considered good for the prevention of dental cavities
    • Water fluoridation aims to deliver fluoride and doses far below dangerous levels
      • This requires working on consumer averages, though
    • ”Where do we put the safety margins?” is to some extent a subjective question, in terms of trading off one aspect of health for another
    • Too much fluoride can also be bad for the teeth (at least cosmetically, creating little white* spots)
    • Detractors of fluoride tend to mostly be worried about neurological harm
      • However, the doses in public water supplies are almost certainly far below the levels required to cause this harm.
        • That said, again this is working on consumer averages, though.
    • A good guide is: watch your teeth! Those white* spots will be “the canary in the coal mine” of more serious harm that could potentially come from higher levels due to overconsumption of fluorine.

    *Teeth are not supposed to be pure white. The “Hollywood smile” is a lie. Teeth are supposed to be a slightly off-white, ivory color. Anything whiter than that is adding something else that shouldn’t be there, or stripping something off that should be there.

    ❝How does your diet change clean out your arteries of the bad cholesterol?❞

    There’s good news and bad news here, and they can both be delivered with a one-word reply:

    Slowly.

    Or rather: what’s being cleaned out is mostly not the LDL (bad) cholesterol, but rather, the result of that.

    When our diet is bad for cardiovascular health, our arteries get fatty deposits on their walls. Cholesterol gets stuck here too, but that’s not the main physical problem.

    Our body’s natural defenses come into action and try to clean it up, but they (for example macrophages, a kind of white blood cell that consumes invaders and then dies, before being recycled by the next part of the system) often get stuck and become part of the buildup (called atheroma), which can lead to atherosclerosis and (if calcium levels are high) hardening of the arteries, which is the worst end of this.

    This can then require medical attention, precisely because the body can’t remove it very well—especially if you are still maintaining a heart-unhealthy diet, thus continuing to add to the mess.

    However, if it is not too bad yet, yes, a dietary change alone will reverse this process. Without new material being added to the arterial walls, the body’s continual process of rejuvenation will eventually fix it, given time (free from things making it worse) and resources.

    In fact, your arteries can be one of the quickest places for your body to make something better or worse, because the blood is the means by which the body moves most things (good or bad) around the body.

    All the more reason to take extra care of it, since everything else depends on it!

    You might also like our previous main feature:

    All Things Heart Health

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Related Posts

  • You, Happier – by Dr. Daniel Amen
  • Water Water Everywhere, But Which Is Best To Drink?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Well Well Well…

    In Tuesday’s newsletter, we asked you for your (health-related) opinion on drinking water—with the understanding that this may vary from place to place. We got the above-depicted, below-described, set of responses:

    • About 65% said “Filtered is best”
    • About 20% said “From the mains is best”
    • About 8% said “Bottled is best”
    • About 3% said “Distilled is best”
    • About 3% said “Some other source is best”

    Of those who said “some other source is best”, one clarified that their preferred source was well water.

    So what does the science say?

    Fluoridated water is bad for you: True or False?

    False, assuming a normal level of consumption. Rather than take up more space today though, we’ll link to what we previously wrote on this topic:

    Q&A: Water Fluoridation

    You may be wondering: but what if my level of consumption is higher than normal?

    Let’s quickly look at some stats:

    • The maximum permitted safety level varies from place to place, but is (for example) 2mg/l in the US, 1.5mg/l in Canada & the UK.
    • The minimum recommended amount also varies from place to place, but is (for example) 0.7mg/l in Canada and the US, and 1mg/l in the UK.

    It doesn’t take grabbing a calculator to realize that if you drink twice as much water as someone else, then depending on where you are, water fluoridated to the minimum may give you more than the recommended maximum.

    However… Those safety margins are set so much lower than the actual toxicity levels of fluoride, that it doesn’t make a difference.

    For example: your writer here takes a medication that has the side effect of causing dryness of the mouth, and consequently she drinks at least 3l of water per day in a climate that could not be described as hot (except perhaps for about 2 weeks of the year). She weighs 72kg (that’s about 158 pounds), and the toxicity of fluoride (for ill symptoms, not death) is 0.2mg/kg. So, she’d need 14.4mg of fluoride, which even if the water fluoridation here were 2mg/l (it’s not; it’s lower here, but let’s go with the highest figure to make a point), would require drinking more than 7l of water faster than the body can process it.

    For more about the numbers, check out:

    Acute Fluoride Poisoning from a Public Water System

    Bottled water is the best: True or False?

    False, if we consider “best” to be “healthiest”, which in turn we consider to be “most nutrients, with highest safety”.

    Bottled water generally does have higher levels of minerals than most local mains supply water does. That’s good!

    But you know what else is generally has? Microplastics and nanoplastics. That’s bad!

    We don’t like to be alarmist in tone; it’s not what we’re about here, but the stats on bottled water are simply not good; see:

    We Are Such Stuff As Bottles Are Made Of

    You may be wondering: “but what about bottled water that comes in glass bottles?”

    Indeed, water that comes in glass bottles can be expected to have lower levels of plastic than water that comes in plastic bottles, for obvious reasons.

    However, we invite you to consider how likely you believe it to be that the water wasn’t stored in plastic while being processed, shipped and stored, before being portioned into its final store-ready glass bottles for end-consumer use.

    Distilled water is the best: True or False?

    False, generally, with caveats:

    Distilled water is surely the safest water anywhere, because you know that you’ve removed any nasties.

    However, it’s also devoid of nutrients, because you also removed any minerals it contained. Indeed, if you use a still, you’ll be accustomed to the build-up of these minerals (generally simplified and referenced as “limescale”, but it’s a whole collection of minerals).

    Furthermore, that loss of nutrients can be more than just a “something good is missing”, because having removed certain ions, that water could now potentially strip minerals from your teeth. In practice, however, you’d probably have to swill it excessively to cause this damage.

    Nevertheless, if you have the misfortune of living somewhere like Flint, Michigan, then a water still may be a fair necessity of life. In other places, it can simply be useful to have in case of emergency, of course.

    Here’s an example product on Amazon if you’d like to invest in a water still for such cases.

    PS: distilled water is also tasteless, and is generally considered bad, tastewise, for making tea and coffee. So we really don’t recommend distilling your water unless you have a good reason to do so.

    Filtered water is the best: True or False?

    True for most people in most places.

    Let’s put it this way: it can’t logically be worse than whatever source of water you put into it…

    Provided you change the filter regularly, of course.

    Otherwise, after overusing a filter, at best it won’t be working, and at worst it’ll be adding in bacteria that have multiplied in the filter over however long you left it there.

    You may be wondering: can water filters remove microplastics, and can they remove minerals?

    The answer in both cases is: sometimes.

    • For microplastics it depends on the filter size and the microplastic size (see our previous article for details on that).
    • For minerals, it depends on the filter type. Check out:

    The H2O Chronicles | 5 Water Filters That Remove Minerals

    One other thing to think about: while most water filtration jugs are made of PFAS-free BPA-free plastics for obvious reasons, for greater peace of mind, you might consider investing in a glass filtration jug, like this one ← this is just one example product on Amazon; by all means shop around and find one you like

    Take care!

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  • Building Psychological Resilience (Without Undue Hardship)

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

    When we talk about the five lifestyle factors that make the biggest difference to health, stress management would be a worthy addition as number six. We haven’t focused explicitly on that for a while, so let’s get ready to start the New Year on a good footing…

    You’re not going to have a stress-free 2024

    What a tender world that would be! Hopefully your stressors will be small and manageable, but rest assured, things will stress you.

    And that’s key: “rest assured”. Know it now, prepare for it, and build resilience.

    Sounds grim, doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be, though.

    When the forecast weather is cold and wet, you’re not afraid of it when you have a warm dry house. When the heating bill comes for that warm dry house, you’re not afraid of it when you have money to pay it. If you didn’t have the money and the warm dry house, the cold wet weather could be devastating to you.

    The lesson here is: we can generally handle what we’re prepared for.

    Negative visualization and the PNS

    This is the opposite of what a lot of “think and grow rich”-style gurus would advise. And indeed, it’s not helpful to slide into anxious worrying.

    If you do find yourself spiralling, here’s a tool for getting out of that spiral:

    RAIN: an intervention for dealing with difficult emotions

    For now, however, we’re going to practice Radical Acceptance.

    First, some biology: you may be aware that your Central Nervous System (CNS) branches into the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS).

    The PNS is the part that cues our body to relax, and suppresses our fight/flight response. We’re going to activate it.

    Activating the PNS is easy for most people in comfortable circumstances (e.g., you are not currently exposed to stressful stimuli). It may well be activated already, and if it’s not, a few deep breaths is usually all it takes.

    If you’d like a quick and easy Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) technique, here you go:

    No-Frills, Evidence-Based Mindfulness

    Activating the PNS is hard for most people in difficult circumstances (e.g., you either are currently exposed to stressful stimuli, or you are in one of the emotional spirals we discussed earlier).

    However, we can trick our bodies and brains by—when we are safe and unstressed—practicing imagining those stressful stimuli. Taking a moment to not just imagine it experientially, but immersively. This, in CBT and DBT, is the modern equivalent to the old samurai who simply accepted, before battle, that they were already dead—and thus went into battle with zero fear of death.

    A less drastic example is the zen master who had a favorite teacup, and feared it would get broken. So he would tell himself “the cup is already broken”. One day, it actually broke, and he simply smiled ruefully and said “Of course”.

    How this ties together: practice the mindfulness-based stress reduction we linked above, while imagining the things that do/would stress you the most.

    Since it’s just imagination, this is a little easier than when the thing is actually happening. Practicing this way means that when and if the thing actually happens (an unfortunate diagnosis, a financial reversal, whatever it may be), our CNS is already well-trained to respond to stress with a dose of PNS-induced calm.

    You can also leverage hormesis, a beneficial aspect of (in this case, optional and chosen by you) acute stress:

    Dr. Elissa Epel | The Stress Prescription

    Psychological resilience training

    This (learned!) ability to respond to stress in an adaptive fashion (without maladaptive coping strategies such as unhelpful behavioral reactivity and/or substance use) is a key part of what in psychology is called resilience:

    Psychological resilience: an update on definitions, a critical appraisal, and research recommendations

    And yes, the CBT/DBT/MBSR methods we’ve been giving you are the evidence-based gold standard.

    Only the best for 10almonds subscribers! 😎

    Road to resilience: a systematic review and meta-analysis of resilience training programmes and interventions

    ❝That was helpful, but not cheery; can we finish the year on a cheerier note?❞

    We can indeed:

    How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)

    Take care!

    Don’t Forget…

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  • Intuitive Eating Might Not Be What You Think

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    In our recent Expert Insights main features, we’ve looked at two fairly opposing schools of thought when it comes to managing what we eat.

    First we looked at:

    What Flexible Dieting Really Means

    …and the notion of doing things imperfectly for greater sustainability, and reducing the cognitive load of dieting by measuring only the things that are necessary.

    And then in opposition to that,

    What Are The “Bright Lines” Of Bright Line Eating?

    …and the notion of doing things perfectly so as to not go astray, and reducing the cognitive load of dieting by having hard-and-fast rules that one does not second-guess or reconsider later when hungry.

    Today we’re going to look at Intuitive Eating, and what it does and doesn’t mean.

    Intuitive Eating does mean paying attention to hunger signals (each way)

    Intuitive Eating means listening to one’s body, and responding to hunger signals, whether those signals are saying “time to eat” or “time to stop”.

    A common recommendation is to “check in” with one’s body several times per meal, reflecting on such questions as:

    • Do I have hunger pangs? Would I seek food now if I weren’t already at the table?
    • If I hadn’t made more food than I’ve already eaten so far, would that have been enough, or would I have to look for something else to eat?
    • Am I craving any of the foods that are still before me? Which one(s)?
    • How much “room” do I feel I still have, really? Am I still in the comfort zone, and/or am I about to pass into having overeaten?
    • Am I eating for pleasure only at this point? (This is not inherently bad, by the way—it’s ok to have a little more just for pleasure! But it is good to note that this is the reason we’re eating, and take it as a cue to slow down and remember to eat mindfully, and enjoy every bite)
    • Have I, in fact, passed the point of pleasure, and I’m just eating because it’s in front of me, or so as to “not be wasteful”?

    See also: Interoception: Improving Our Awareness Of Body Cues

    And for that matter: Mindful Eating: How To Get More Out Of What’s On Your Plate

    Intuitive Eating is not “80:20”

    When it comes to food, the 80:20 rule is the idea of having 80% of one’s diet healthy, and the other 20% “free”, not necessarily unhealthy, but certainly not moderated either.

    Do you know what else the 80:20 food rule is?

    A food rule.

    Intuitive Eating doesn’t do those.

    The problem with food rules is that they can get us into the sorts of problems described in the studies showing how flexible dieting generally works better than rigid dieting.

    Suddenly, what should have been our free-eating 20% becomes “wait, is this still 20%, or have I now eaten so much compared to the healthy food, that I’m at 110% for my overall food consumption today?”

    Then one gets into “Well, I’ve already failed to do 80:20 today, so I’ll try again tomorrow [and binge meanwhile, since today is already written off]”

    See also: Eating Disorders: More Varied (And Prevalent) Than People Think

    It’s not “eat anything, anytime”, either

    Intuitive Eating is about listening to your body, and your brain is also part of your body.

    • If your body is saying “give me sugar”, your brain might add the information “fruit is healthier than candy”.
    • If your body is saying “give me fat”, your brain might add the information “nuts are healthier than fried food”
    • If your body is saying “give me salt”, your brain might add the information “kimchi is healthier than potato chips”

    That doesn’t mean you have to swear off candy, fried food, or potato chips.

    But it does mean that you might try satisfying your craving with the healthier option first, giving yourself permission to have the less healthy option afterwards if you still want it (you probably won’t).

    See also:

    I want to eat healthily. So why do I crave sugar, salt and carbs?

    Want to know more about Intuitive Eating?

    You might like this book that we reviewed previously:

    Intuitive Eating – by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

    Enjoy!

    Don’t Forget…

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    Learn to Age Gracefully

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